Good Times (1974–1979): Season 4, Episode 4 - Michael the Warlord - full transcript

♪ Good Times ♪

♪ Anytime You meet a payment ♪

♪ Good Times ♪

♪ Anytime You feel free ♪

♪ Good Times ♪

♪ Anytime you're
Out from under ♪

♪ Not getting hassled
Not getting hustled ♪

♪ Keeping your
head Above water ♪

♪ Making a wave when you can ♪

♪ Temporary layoffs ♪

♪ Good Times ♪



♪ Easy credit Rip-offs ♪

♪ Good Times ♪

♪ Scratching And surviving ♪

♪ Good Times ♪

♪ Hanging in A chow line ♪

♪ Good Times ♪

♪ Ain't we lucky we got 'em ♪

♪ Good Times ♪♪

FLORIDA: Michael?

Michael, open the door!

I'm coming.

Michael, what are you doing?

I'm coming.

Have mercy.



Michael, what took you so
long? Take these packages.

What you doing all this time?

Ooh, child!

[SIGHS]

Ooh, Lord.

Honey, I am wasted.

I am pooped!

Girl, that bus was so packed,

it was packed tighter
than a chitlin bucket.

What a hassle.

I know what you mean.

I stood up so long,

my support hose got cramps.

[TELEPHONE RINGS]

I got it!

Hello?

Oh, well, she's
not here right now.

Who?

Oh. Okay, Don.

It was some cat for Thelma.

I thought it might
be somebody else.

We figured that.

You ran for that telephone

like it was the last pork chop

on the plate.

Michael, is something wrong?

No, Ma, I'm all right.

Um, I'll put up the groceries.

Well... I better get on home.

Ooh, Lord, my feet hurt.

Don't mention them.

No, my feet feel like
they've been mugged.

I'll bring you the punch bowl
after I soak these numbers.

Okay.

Don't be long, now.

I won't.

Ma... why is Willona

bringing you her punch bowl?

Are we having company?

No, just the Concerned Parents

are having a meeting here today.

Meeting?

Mm-hmm.

Uh, are you gonna use the oven?

Oh, not unless we
run out of chairs.

Oh.

Hey, y'all.

I got the food for
the meeting, Ma.

Oh, good.

This is the Roundup
Roast Beef special,

barbecued beef pizza!

Mm!

It's got a extra-special

hot chili sauce on it.

You know it's hot when
your breath disappears

as your eyes fill with tears.

Thanks, J.J.

Yeah, I tell you,

me and old Rawhide
had a tough day today.

We got bushwhacked by
a bunch of ghetto rustlers.

What do you mean?

While I was making a delivery,

the Junior Satan
Knights came in here,

ripped off my truck,

took 14 boxes of
spareribs and a spare tire.

Man, I was mad!

J.J., you didn't
fight them, did you?

I said I was mad, not insane.

I tell you, the kids
in these gangs today

just ain't civilized!

Well, the Junior Satan Knights

look like altar boys

compared to the War Lords.

The War Lords got another way

of ripping off ribs.

What's that?

They rip 'em out your chest.

[THUD]

Well, I'm just glad
you didn't get hurt.

Yeah.

[TELEPHONE RINGS]

I got it! I got it!

[LAUGHS]

It knew it was for me anyway.

Hello, this is your sweet
sugar daddy of love,

with a thin candy
coating for your heart

high in polyunsaturated love.

What'd you say?

Look here, man,

next time you got a
message for Thelma,

call Western Union.

You know, Ma, this
has gone too far.

Every time the phone
rings, it's for that girl.

Pretty soon,

we ought to get her
her own area code.

You and Thelma

are just gonna have
to work something out.

Yeah, we're gonna have to
work something out, all right,

because this is just
getting to be too much,

and I'm getting to be... Well!

Look who's here.

Well, girl,

we gotta straighten
this phone business out,

once and for all!

Have any time for
your foolishness today.

You see all these books?

I have homework in Biology,

Psychology, Mythology...

Oh, those subjects
explain you perfectly.

"Biology" explains your body,

"psychology" explains your head,

and "mythology"
explains your face.

J.J., if you were in college,

you would be a
one-man fraternity,

Sigma Delta Dummy.

Oh yeah?

Well, we'll see how dumb I am

when I stop taking
your phone messages.

Phone messages?

Who called? Who?

Don.

Yeah, and Bob and
Bill and Terry and Jerry.

You know, these weird dudes
must think you're Miss Fine.

Yeah, you know, what can I say?

Hi, Thelma.

Hi, Ma.

Oh, you had some
phone calls today.

Let me see... Harold, Johnny,

and, um... Maurice.

What you doing,

writing your number down
on phone booth walls?

[KNOCKING ON DOOR]

I got it!

Something's going on.

Hi, Michael. How are you?

Hi. I'll take your coat.

Oh, Clara, Mr. Parker,

come on in and take seats.

Hello, Mrs. Evans.

Oh, Clara, that's
a nice sweater.

Thank you.

Well, how is everybody?

Well, Nettie's at her sister's,

and Mr. Turner and Mrs. Mitchell

aren't coming.

He's having labor trouble...

and she's having labor pains.

[LAUGHS]

You know, this'll be her ninth.

[LAUGHS]

That woman has more
deliveries than Chicken Delight.

Ladies, ladies...

I didn't come here to
yak about no babies.

I'm here to talk

about the gang
problem in our school.

Well, that's why we're
all here, Mr. Parker.

Then why ain't we doing it?

I think we should
wait for Nettie. Right.

Nettie's being
here ain't important.

The Junior War Lords
are what's important.

They're getting
straight As in violence,

vandalizing the schools,

threatening teachers,
beating up students.

The question is, what
do we do about it?

What do you suggest
we do about it, Mr. Parker?

My solution's
simple, Mrs. Evans.

You see these peanuts here?

They're the Junior War Lords...

and this, this is us.

[CHUCKLES]

I get it.

Make 'em into peanut butter.

[KNOCKING ON DOOR]

Excuse me.

Hi, Nettie, come on in.

I'm so sorry I'm late...

Oh, that's all right.

But I was feeding
my sister's kids

while she's at the hospital.

Hosp... Hospital? What's wrong?

Well, Tommy, her son,

got beat up today by
the Junior War Lords.

FLORIDA: Tommy?

Mm-hmm.

That's Michael's best friend.

Michael, did you know
that Tommy had been hurt?

No, Ma.

Oh, Nettie, you
gotta tell us about it.

What happened?

Yeah, is he hurt bad?

The last word I got, they
were still running tests.

Ladies, what we gotta
do is break up that gang,

and the only way to
break up a gang is to...

is to break up each member.

Mr. Parker, you
belong in a shell

with the rest of those nuts.

Now, I've got...

I've got two daughters
going to that school,

and I wanna make damn sure

those hoodlums
don't attack them.

Mr. Parker, I've
seen your daughters.

You ain't got a
thing to worry about.

[TELEPHONE RINGS]

Hello.

Oh, hi, Brenda.

Yeah, Nettie's here.

Nettie, it's Brenda.

Thanks.

Hey, Brenda, how's Tommy?

Oh, no.

Oh, well, thanks for calling,
and, hey, try not to worry?

Tommy's got a fractured skull.

Oh, my Lord.

All right.

The Junior War Lords hang out

in that boarded-up building

across the street.

I say we catch them one by one

and even up the score...
with a baseball bat!

Mr. Parker, we are
concerned parents,

not vigilantes.

We should be both!

I mean, somebody's got to
do something about those kids.

I mean, the schools...

The schools can't,
and the law won't.

Well, the school and
the law shouldn't have to.

Controlling those kids
is up to the parents.

Now, we wouldn't have any gangs

if parents took responsibility
for their own kids.

Hi, here's the punch...

Ooh, party's
already started, huh?

Mm-hmm, you're just in time.

I think we all can use
some refreshments.

Oh, yeah.

Why don't you fill Willona
in on what's been happening.

Would you do that, Mr. Peanut?

Ma, I put up all the groceries.

Oh, good.

Now you can help
me with the punch.

Go get the sugar.

Oh, all right.

Hey, Ma, need any help?

Well, you can warm up
the oven for the pizza.

All right.

Hey, J.J., I'll
warm up the oven.

Don't worry, Michael,
I can warm it up.

Michael, I asked J.J. to do it.

But, Ma, I can do it.

Hey, Michael, take it easy.

I'm the Prince of Mozzarella.

I can handle this.

Now, just back off, Jack.

All right.

Don't worry, Michael,
this oven heats up quick.

I'll have that
oven all heated up

quicker than you can
say, "Pasta Fazool!"

Michael, get the ginger ale

and the lemons out
of the refrigerator.

Michael... the ginger
ale and the lem...

Michael, are you all right?

Yeah, Ma.

I'll get it for you, Ma.

Okay, honey.

Ahh.

[SNIFFING]

Thank you.

Hmm.

Hey, Ma... Hmm?

I could...

I could swear I smell
something burning.

I do too!

Hey, Ma, the oven's smoking.

[TALKING INDISTINCTLY]

Be cool.

It's just a little
harmless smoke.

Don't panic. Don't
panic. It's harmless.

The smoke might be
harmless, but the fire ain't.

Aah!

[INDISTINCT DIALOGUE]

Everybody be cool.

Don't get upset.

It's something big,
but I think I got it.

I got it. I got it.

He's got it! He's got...

Look, look. He got it!

This ought to do it.

[COUGHING]

Wha...

See, like I said, just a
little harmless smoke.

J.J., what is that thing?

It seems to be a jacket.

What is a jacket
doing in the oven?

I don't know.

Beats me.

First we were picking cotton,

and now we're cooking it.

Yeah, well, whose jacket is it?

Well, according
to the back of this,

it belongs to the
Junior War Lords.

The Junior War Lords?

Well, don't look at me.

I ain't no "Junior."

Michael?

Michael, whose jacket is this?

Michael, I asked you a question.

Whose jacket is this?

It ain't mine.

It ain't mine.

I need to hear one
more "It ain't mine."

Well, it ain't mine.

That's not the bell
I meant to buzz.

Michael?

Yeah, Ma, it's my jacket.

Oh, my God.

Well...

Mrs. Evans says parents
should control their kids,

but she can't seem
to control her own.

Cure the fever

in your own home, Mrs. Evans,

before you start
writing prescriptions

for everyone else...

and in case you're
interested, my medicine works.

Come on, Nettie,
we better be going.

Yes, we'd better.

Oh, Nettie.

Hmm?

I don't know what to say.

We'll call you later.

I'm sorry. Poor Tommy.

That's all right.

I know how you feel.

Goodbye. Bye-bye.

Kids nowadays.

Now, take care. I will.

Talk to you.

All right, Michael,
what's with the jacket?

Flo, owning that jacket

doesn't mean
Michael's a War Lord

any more than owning a
sled means he's an Eskimo.

Right, Gramps?

Wrong, he's an Eskimo.

I thought you were too
smart to get hung up in a gang.

Thelma, it's not a gang.

It's a social club.

They got a great
way of socializing.

They got coming-out
parties for your teeth.

Michael, will you please
tell me what you're doing

hanging around
with the War Lords?

Well, Ma, we got
a lot in common.

They're black and tough,

and I'm black and tough.

I'll buy the "black,"

but the "tough," you're not.

Well, not around
here, but at school,

I'm known as the
Mayor of Knuckle City.

My fists bring urban renewal

to dudes' heads.

Is that what happened to Tommy?

I don't want to talk about it.

Why not? You're tough.

Michael. Thelma...
Stay out of it, honey.

Now I know

why you were
running to the phone.

You thought it was
Tommy's mother

calling about you.

Ma, please.

Michael, I want to know

why you were with that gang.

Because I'm tough.

The real reason,
Michael, the real reason!

Well, Ma...

they asked Philip
Smith to join the gang,

and he said, "No,"
so they broke his jaw.

Then they asked Ernest
Williams to join the gang,

and he said "No," so
they broke his arm...

and then when they asked me...

they were looking at my neck.

Ma, you were right.

I only joined the gang
because I was afraid.

[DOOR OPENS, SLAMS]

Hey, Ma, take it easy.

I'll go in there
and talk to him.

I think I know where
he's coming from.

Thanks, J.J., but
go easy on him.

J.J., get outta here, man.

Hey, Michael, take it easy.

I mean, me being
man of the house now,

I gotta do exactly what
Dad would've done.

J.J., you hit me with a
belt, and I'll bust your lip.

Sit down, Michael. Sit down.

Just come in to
rap for a little while.

Now, I didn't say
nothing out there

because I knew exactly

where you was coming from,

'cause when I
was in high school,

the same thing happened to me,

and I did exactly
what you did...

because my bronze,
beautiful body

is allergic to pain.

J.J., what you're saying is

I joined a bunch of turkeys
'cause I'm a chicken, huh?

No, Michael,

it ain't nothing to
be ashamed of.

I mean, when I
was in high school,

I majored in fear.

Look, Michael,

I know where these
War Lords are at,

and when they offered
you a piece of the rock,

I know they was talking

about going upside your head.

Did you help them get Tommy?

I was there, but I
didn't do anything.

Michael, you didn't warn him

of the impending disaster?

I mean, even in Jaws,

they yell, "Here
come the teeth."

J.J., it all happened too fast.

When I was supposed
to be hitting Tommy,

I was just punching the air.

Then he went down.

I couldn't stand it
any longer, man.

That's why I ran home.

J.J., I don't belong
in that gang.

I gotta get out.

Don't worry, Michael.

We'll get you outta
there somehow.

I guess I better
go to the hospital

to see how Tommy's doing, huh?

No, Michael, you've
had a long day out.

I'll go do that for you.

J.J.?

Yeah, Michael.

Thanks, man.

Hey, what do you think
big brothers are for?

Hey, Ma,

the kid and I put
our heads together,

and now his head's together,

just like mine.

Poor Michael.

He wanted to go to the
hospital to see Tommy,

but I told him I'd
go do it for him.

Oh, J.J., that's nice.

Yeah, okay. Well... Sayonara.

Bye-bye. See you.

Oh, how I wish James was here.

There'd be no way in the world

Michael would be in a gang.

Ma... I've been thinking.

My being in a gang has hurt you.

I apologize... Oh, Michael.

But I'm gonna
make it up to you...

and the first thing I'm gonna do

is throw this jacket
in the incinerator.

That's where it should have been

in the first place. Yeah.

I got but three words

to say about that jacket...

What? Burn, baby, burn!

Amen to that.

I know you was worried, baby.

It's all over now.

I tell you.

Wait a minute,
Ma. Wait a minute.

What is it?

You know, something's wrong.

What?

I don't think Michael's
putting that jacket

in the incinerator.

Why do you say that?

Well, Ma, he took his coat,

and you don't need your
coat to go to the incinerator.

It's right down the hall.

He's not there, Flo.

Well, where's he going?

He's probably taking that jacket
back to the Junior War Lords

and telling them
where they can put it.

Oh, no.

Then I've gotta stop him.

Ma, you can't go
barging in on a gang.

It's too dangerous!

Thelma, I can't stay here

knowing he might get hurt.

Well, Flo, I'll go with you.

Man... broad held on
to this purse so tight

she almost got
her fingers plucked.

You ain't lying.

How much we get, Ratbone?

Seven measly cents!

Oh, wow, man, at that rate,

we gotta snatch
more than 30 purses

to earn the minimum wage.

Man, people in this
neighborhood are so poor,

you almost hate to rob 'em.

[ALL LAUGH]

Then maybe we should just...

punch out their lights.

Yeah, we should.

[KNOCKING ON DOOR]

[SNAPS FINGERS]

RATBONE: Wonder who that is.

Well, if it ain't old
Fleetfoot Evans.

Ran out on the
action today, huh, bro?

I didn't run out, Ratbone.

I just left early.

He didn't run out,
Ratbone. He just left early.

A left hook to your head,

and your hair'll leave early.

Okay, be cool, Tank.

He's one of us now.

We don't have to hurt him.

Ratbone... I wanna
get out of the club.

What?

You insane. You're
tripping, man.

You're crazy.

You know what I think, fellows?

I think we should do to him

what we did to Tommy.

Right on. That was all right.

I punched that sucker's head in.

Why you wanna get out the club?

Blood, you just joined.

Yeah, what's the matter, Evans?

You don't like us no more?

I hope he don't like me.

Then I won't feel guilty

when I drive on him!

Right on.

Evans, nobody leaves the club.

Yeah, we're like a farm team

for major league crime.

Our graduates
have made more hits

than the Chicago White Sox.

Well, y'all can have all that,

because I've got too
many other dreams.

Dreams? Evans' got dreams.

Ain't that a blip.

Do you have dreams, Earl?

Do I?

I have dreams like you
ain't never had dreams.

Even my dreams have dreams.

What about you, Ratbone?

You ought to see my dreams.

They're in wide-screen,
Technicolor, and 3-D.

Right on, yeah.

Daring, distinctive,
and destructive.

Yeah.

Evans, you're the star.

I don't mean those
kind of dreams, Ratbone.

He don't mean those dreams.

What dreams do
you mean, jellybean?

I mean dreams of being
something or somebody.

We don't have
those kind of dreams,

'cause they never come true.

Well, mine are gonna come true.

Yeah, we'll see...
because you're gonna be

a member of this club forever.

Right on.

[KNOCKING ON DOOR]

[SNAPS FINGERS]

Yeah, lady, what do you want?

My son.

I'm Michael Evan" mother.

Well, what can we
do for you, mother?

Ma, what are you doing here?

I came to get you.

Come on, Michael.

Yeah, Michael,
she came to get you.

See if you go.

Yeah.

Lady, we're taking
care of business here.

We'll send Michael
home when we're through.

I said, "now." Come on, Michael.

Lady, he can't go,

so why don't you just beat it!

Hey, man, watch out
how you talk to my mother!

Hey, blood, your
mother shouldn't

have came here
in the first place.

Yeah, she must be
a mighty bad lady.

Maybe she's a Wonder
Woman with soul.

Will you...

Hey, man, don't touch my mother!

Hey, I haven't touched
your mother... yet.

Hey.

Get your hands off me!

This lady's got a wedding ring.

Yeah.

We gotta snatch a hundred purses

to get what that costs.

Hey, Ratbone,
don't touch that ring.

My father gave that to her,
so leave my mother alone!

Shut up, chump!

Lady, I want that ring.

I told you to leave
my mother alone!

Back off!

I'll break every
bone in your body.

Crazy.

Man, the whole family's crazy.

I heard that!

Am I out of the club, Ratbone?

Am I out?

You out.

You out, blood.

All right, Michael.

Come on, it's all right.

It's all right, baby.

It's all right.

We can go home now.

♪ Mmm... ♪

♪ Just looking
Out of the window ♪

♪ Watching the asphalt grow ♪

♪ Thinking how It all
looks hand-me-down ♪

♪ Good Times ♪
♪ Yeah, yeah ♪

♪ Good Times ♪

♪ Keeping your
head Above water ♪

♪ Making a wave when you can ♪

♪ Temporary layoffs ♪

♪ Good Times ♪

♪ Easy credit Rip-offs ♪

♪ Good Times ♪

ANNOUNCER: Good Times is
videotaped in front of a studio audience.

♪ Good Times ♪♪