Good Times (1974–1979): Season 4, Episode 5 - Michael's Great Romance - full transcript

♪ Good Times ♪

♪ Anytime you meet a payment ♪

♪ Good Times ♪

♪ Anytime you feel free ♪

♪ Good Times ♪

♪ Anytime you're
Out from under ♪

♪ Not getting hassled
Not getting hustled ♪

♪ Keeping your
head Above water ♪

♪ Making a wave when you can ♪

♪ Temporary layoffs ♪

♪ Good Times ♪



♪ Easy credit rip-offs ♪

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♪ Scratching and surviving ♪

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♪ Hanging in a chow line ♪

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♪ Ain't we lucky we got 'em ♪

♪ Good Times ♪♪

Aw, Grace, honey,
let me explain.

No, see, the reason I didn't
make our date last night

was because I was sick.

Oh!

That girl hugging me?

Oh, that was my nurse.



You see, what I did was donate
my beautiful body to science,

and she was here to make
sure all the parts were there

and functioning.

J.J., hurry up.

I'm expecting a call.

Let him finish, Thelma.

He'll be through soon.

Yeah.

No, I wasn't unfaithful
to you, honest.

If I'm unfaithful, may I
be struck down dead.

I was talking to
God, not to you!

Oh, no, that was my sister.

Oh, yeah, she's home
on leave from the circus.

Yeah, you've seen the sideshow?

Yeah, she's the dog-faced girl.

Give me that phone.

No, I can't bring her along.

I'm afraid she may
chew through her leash.

Oh, you so beautiful,
my dear, and, uh...

Hey, Ma, did you see this?

Thelma, that was J.J.'s call,

and it might have been
somebody very important,

so you shouldn't have done it,

'cause I was gonna do it.

"I left my beautiful
body to science."

It's a good thing it
wasn't your brain,

because they don't
make test tubes that small!

[SHOUTING]

Thelma, J.J., stop it.

I want you to knock it off.

Hi, baby, how was school?

Michael?

Don't "Michael" me.

What did you say?

Oh, I'm sorry, Ma.

I didn't see you there.

Well,

I guess my new diet is
working better than I thought.

Well, are you going to leave
your books here on the floor?

Michael, come here.

Come here and sit down.

Is something bothering you?

Anything wrong at school?

Michael, you're
not in any trouble?

I don't want to talk about it.

Maybe he's sick, Ma.

Let me feel your head.

Ah.

Allow Doctor J to
diagnose the problem here.

Hey, Michael, have you noticed

any sudden gain in weight?

No.

How does a nice

pickle and peanut
butter sandwich sound?

Nauseating.

Hmm.

Michael, did you throw
up first thing this morning?

No.

Well, then, you're not pregnant.

What is this? Can't
a person come home

without having everybody
jumping down his throat?

Flo!

Hey. I came from the
laundry room, honey,

and heard some news so hot,

if I don't tell somebody soon,

my lips gonna blister.

Yeah? Ooh.

Thelma... Girl, come over here.

Whoo, child!

Tell me about it.

Who's it about?

Louise Horton and
Rita Willard's husband.

You mean old Tomcat Willard?

That's the one, honey.

Well, you know
Rita works at night?

Well, she went to work
and forget her glasses.

Came back home,
honey, and snuck in...

Oh, Gramps.

Uh, you just the
one I wanna see.

I've got something for you.

Willona, what about Rita
and Louise's husband?

Uh, Rita and Louise... Oh!

Uh, they got on a bus together.

Sure they did, Willona.

Well, anyway, honey.

The Reverend Jesse Jackson

is coming to the
meeting on Saturday

for the launch of the
new daycare center,

and I got two
tickets. Here you go!

Hey!

Outta sight!

Michael's going to
lunch with the Rev.

I'm not going.

What?

I told you he was sick.

Uh, you don't want
to see Jesse Jackson?

Willona, thanks, but I'm sorry.

Here, J.J., you
take the tickets.

You can get a girl to
go anyplace with you.

Well, you know,
that's the way it goes.

Michael,

why can't you ask a
girl to go out with you?

Because I'm dumb.

If there was an
event for being stupid,

I'd win first place.

Oh, Michael.

Oh, Gramps, you got
your nose open again.

You in love.

Yeah, I'm in love, but
what good does it do me?

What's so funny?

Oh, I'm sorry, baby,
but I had to laugh.

It's such a relief.

Oh, Michael, you're in love!

My little brother's in love.

Once more you'll
be embarking upon

life's greatest journey.

You'll know bliss,
rapture, splendor,

two souls together as one.

Uh, by the way, Michael,

did you two "get on
the bus together" yet?

J.J., is that all
you can think of?

He need to clean his mind
out with some soap and water.

Soap and water?

Lord have mercy!

What's the matter?

My laundry's downstairs!

Wait, wait, wait!

What, what, what?

You didn't tell me about
Rita and the Tomcat.

Flo, I'm ashamed of you. Why?

Every time I come here
to do a little chit-chatting,

all you want to do is gossip.

Willona, I will
get you for that!

Hey, Michael, come
on, tell us all about her.

Well, her name is Yvonne,

and she's very beautiful,

and she has the prettiest
smile I've ever seen.

She doesn't even know I'm alive.

Have you tried showing her

your birth certificate?

J.J., what I mean is that...

Well, I'm not good
enough for her.

Oh, Michael.

You're good enough for any girl.

Ma, Yvonne's father is a doctor.

She's the only girl who
comes to school in a car.

It's a two-seater X-K-E.

That's nothing.

I go to school in
a 40-seater B-U-S.

Well, Thelma, that's not all.

She's smarter than me,

and she gets better
grades than I do.

Hey, that ain't no
big deal, Michael.

I go out with a lot of chicks
that are smarter than me.

They can't be too smart.

They go out with
you, don't they?

Well, yesterday she
was absent from school,

and today she asked me

if she could borrow my notes.

I acted like a fool.

When I was handing
her my notebook,

my hands were shaking.

I couldn't even talk.

Well, you're talking
all right right now.

Yeah?

Well, tongue, where were
you when I needed you?

This is something else.

A brother of mine choking

while he's talking to a chick.

J.J., that's not the worst part.

She's coming over
here this afternoon

to return my notebook.

Well, that's great, Michael.

You get a second chance.

And I hope this time
you know how to act.

I'm gonna call her
and tell her I'm sick.

Take it easy, Michael.

Take it easy.

The Evans family
honor is at stake here.

I see I'm gonna have to
give you some coaching.

Uh, J.J., maybe you
better keep out of this.

No, Ma, it's my
duty to help Michael

as the head of the house.

As the who of the what?

Uh, "as the who of the what,"

uh, I am in charge
of certain aspects

of Michael's growing up.

To wit...

The fine art of
impressing a chick.

J.J., Yvonne is
not just any chick.

She's special.

Lesson number one.

All chicks are the same.

What?

That's right, and I quote:

"Rosie O'Grady and
The Colonel's lady

are sisters under the skin."

That's Kipling.

That's hogwash.

J.J., how dare you
say all girls are alike?

Women are people too,

and deserve to be
recognized as individuals.

Oh yeah?

Well, who runs big business?

Men.

Who's the best in sports?

Men.

Who's the power in Washington?

Barbara Jordan, and
you'd better know it.

Ha!

Nevertheless, Michael,

whenever you dig a chick,
no matter whom she is,

all you gotta do is
get her on your radar

and zero in on her bleep-bleeps.

J.J., do you really think

all of this is doing
Michael any good?

Sure, Ma. Let's pretend
Yvonne is here right now.

Ma, you be Yvonne.

Come on, Michael, we stand
like we on the street corner here.

J.J., I don't have
time for games.

Oh, Ma. Go ahead.

Come on, act like you
sexy. This is for Michael.

[J.J. HUMMING]

The things a mother
doesn't do for her kids.

All right.

Wow!

Okay, J.J., now what do I do?

Go over there and ask
her for a date. Oh, okay.

Hi.

[SWEETLY] Hi.

Would you like to go
to the movies with me?

How was that, J.J.?

Mm, like the part
in Kojak's head.

Nowhere, Michael.

Oh, I didn't think
it was so bad.

What is he supposed to do?

It's not what he's
supposed to do.

It's how he does it.

Now watch the debonair approach.

[PURRING]

Hey there, sweet mama,

how you say we
link up our destinies

and go bopping
down the boulevard?

Get lost, turkey.

J.J., it didn't work.

Hey, Michael, this is Ma.

It would have worked
with a young chick.

Hey, watch that, J.J.,

or I'll bop you
down the boulevard.

Come on, Thelma,
let's fix dinner.

Bop!

Michael, what you
seem to be lacking here

is confidence,

and confidence is
the name of the game.

That's what makes
great football players,

like O.J. Simpson,

great boxers like Muhammad Ali,

and great lovers like...

You know, what can I say?

J.J., all that is fine,

but what if you're confident

that you don't have confidence?

Then just repeat after me:

I am the greatest.

"I am the greatest."

I can have any
girl that I wants.

"I can have any
girl that I wants."

"I'm not afraid of Yvonne."

"I'm not afraid of Yvonne."

[KNOCK ON DOOR]

Tell her I ain't here.

Michael, come on, come on.

I don't wanna.

Michael, let her in.

Come on, Michael.

Come on, Michael,
I'm in your corner.

Just follow my lead, brother.

Come on, now. Take it easy, man.

Come on, brother.
I'm in your corner.

J.J... You're on!

Hello, Michael.

[WEAKLY] Hi.

Convoy the chick into your cave.

Come in.

Oh, hello, sweetheart.

You must be Yvonne.

I'm Michael's mother.

Pleased to meet you.

And I'm his sister, Thelma.

Hello, Thelma.

And I'm J.J.,
Michael's main man.

How do you do?

Wow. You sure know
how to greet a girl.

Well, you know,

I'm known as The
Sultan of Smooth,

and Michael here...
[CLEARS THROAT]

Michael here is my prize pupil.

Really?

Yeah. Cool runs in our family.

You know, 'cause...
Tell her, Michael.

Oh.

I'm cool too.

Cool?

You look like you're sweating.

Michael's what's
known as hot cool.

Yeah.

Uh, Michael, maybe
Yvonne would like

to take off her coat
and stay a while.

Thank you, but I just stopped
by with Michael's notes.

Uh, what's your hurry, my cheri?

Allow me.

Fantastic!

Of course.

Um, J.J.,

why don't you run
down to the store

and get some ice
cream for dessert?

Aw, Ma.

Wow, that sounds
like a great idea.

I love ice cream.

Don't you, Yvonne?

I adore it.

Come on, J.J., I'll go with you.

FLORIDA: Uh...
On second thought,

we don't need any ice cream.

We're all on diets anyway.

Hey, Ma, but I ain't on no diet.

Me either.

Um, J.J., could you
come here, man?

I need your advice on something.

Oh, changing the
game plans, huh?

Well, you wanna
talk to the coach?

Yeah.

Uh, what is it?

Just this.

Hey, uh, Michael.

You awake?

Hey!

I guess you are.

Uh, Michael, could we talk?

Okay, then I'll do the talking,

you do the listening.

Uh, Michael, I'm sorry.

Drop dead.

Michael, I said I'm sorry.

I'm not listening.

Michael, I didn't
mean what happened

to happen out here.

I mean, you never know
how a chick's going to react.

You got to be careful
how you use your cool,

because sometimes

it can be uncool to be too cool.

If you know what I mean.

J.J., if you don't shut up,

I'm going to punch you again.

Hey, Michael.

The only reason I didn't
throw any punches out here

was because I didn't
want to embarrass you.

See, because if I would have

unleashed these massive biceps,

I could have done your person

some serious bodily harm.

Well, what's stopping you now?

Come on, J.J., I'll
fight you right here.

Hey, take it easy, Michael.

We're brothers, like
the Doobie Brothers,

The Wright Brothers,
Dr. Joyce Brothers.

Why don't you try Cain and Abel?

Hey, Michael,
don't be like that.

I wanna tell you
one thing, Michael.

No matter what goes
down between us,

we're always gonna be tight,

because we've been
through too much together.

What I'm trying to say, Michael,

is that... I love you, man.

Was that supposed to be heavy?

Or just cool?

Well, let me tell you
something, James Junior,

you ain't cool, you ain't heavy,

and you ain't my brother!

Hey, give me
some of this blanket.

Give me the blanket,
J.J! Hey, come on, man!

Come on, man.

Matter of fact, I don't even

wanna sleep in the
same bed with you!

Hey, man, bring that
blanket back here.

Hey, wait a minute!

You left me indecently exposed!

Every time you show your
face, you indecently exposed.

J.J., Michael, what
are you doing up?

Freezing.

Michael, you can't
sleep in that chair.

Yeah, well, I'm not
sleeping with him.

All right, Michael.

Give J.J. the blanket.

You come in my room.
I want to talk to you...

Privately.

Hey!

Michael, come on.

Come on in here and sit
down beside me, Michael.

You know, Michael,

it seems like only yesterday

I was holding you in my arms.

And you know

what your biggest
problem was then?

Diaper rash.

Ma, I'm not a baby anymore.

Oh, Lord, don't I know it.

Look at you, so
big and handsome.

You're growing up so
fast I can hardly believe it.

You've even fallen in love.

I won't do that anymore.
It hurts too much.

Well, hurt is a part
of growing up too.

You may not believe it now,

but you'll get over this.

No, I won't.

I'm never gonna forgive J.J.

Now, Michael,

you can't blame J.J.
for what happened.

Whose side are you on?

Well, you were so
terrified around Yvonne,

you just weren't any fun.

She liked J.J.
because he was alive.

He was sure of himself.

Michael, unless a
man is sure of himself,

he ain't got nothing
more going for him

than a plate of cold grits.

I thought you would
give me sympathy.

I would if I thought
that's what you needed.

Michael, you are looking
for a pat on the head,

and what you need

is a good whack on your behind.

I'm sorry, baby,

but I had to tell it like it is.

I guess you're right.

It wasn't J.J.'s
fault after all.

He was just being J.J.

And, Michael,

when you have the
guts to be Michael,

the best Michael Evans there is,

things will be different.

Now go to bed
and get some sleep.

I'll see you in the
morning, okay?

[SNORING]

J.J.?

[WAKES AND SNORTS]

What is it, Michael?

J.J., I apologize.

It wasn't your
fault, it was my fault,

and I wouldn't want to have

anyone else for a
brother except you.

J.J., I love you, too, man.

Hey, Michael,

what do you think
big brothers are for?

Good night.

Yeah.

J.J.

Now what is it?

Take a shot at me.

What?

Come on, you owe it to me.

Nah, Michael, that's
all right. Forget it.

J.J., I laid one on you,
so you lay one on me.

No, Michael, I'm
too tired. Forget it.

J.J., do it.

No, man, that's all right.

I said hit me!

Hey, man.

I said hit me!

Hey!

I told you to hit me.

What's going on in here?

Oh, nothing, Ma.
We just making up.

Hey, J.J., don't touch that.

Just sniffing,
Ma. Just sniffing.

I want to make sure
my nose is well fed.

Uh, when's Michael getting here?

Oh, he's staying after school

to study at the library.

I guess that means

things are back to normal, huh?

Yeah, I guess it is.

And Ma, don't worry.

From now on, I'm gonna
keep my cool to myself.

[KNOCK ON DOOR]

Oh, J.J., get that, please.

Getting the door.

J.J... Oh, uh...

[SUBDUED] Getting the door.

FLORIDA: Right.

Hello, J.J.

Hey, Yvonne. Come on in.

Mrs. Evans, is Michael home?

Michael stopped at the library,

but he should be
here any minute now,

and this is my friend,
Willona Woods.

Hello.

So you're the little
nose-opener, huh?

All right.

Yvonne, come in my room

and wait for Michael.

I've got some great albums.

You do? Yeah.

What do you got?

Earth, Wind, and
Fire... [CHATTERING]

Well, well.

And all the time

I thought she was drawn
to my irresistible charm.

Drawn to me like a moth

drawn to a flickering,
fluttering flame.

Well, honey, don't look now,

but your flickering,
fluttering flame

has just flickered out!

Hi, Ma. Sorry I'm late.

What's for dinner?

Yvonne.

Yvonne?

Here?

Now?

That's right.

She's right there
in Thelma's room.

She came to see you, honey.

Um...

Mama, I just remembered,
I got basketball practice.

Michael, Michael!

WILLONA: You
ain't going nowhere.

You stay right here.

Yvonne! Michael's here.

And remember, be alive, Clive.

And don't be a dud, Bud.

Hello, Michael.

Hi.

Well, well, well.

If y'all will excuse us,

Mater and Willona and I
will retire to the drawing room.

Now, what is all
this "Mater" jazz?

Now, if you want
us to leave the room,

why don't you say
something simple,

like, let's split.

Hey, what's shaking, baby?

Michael, about the
other day, I'm sorry.

Hey, no sweat, my pet.

By the way, mama...

You sure is looking good.

Got to hand it to you there.

Michael, why are
you acting like this?

Hey, baby, I'm the
Crown Prince of Cool.

I am the hippest, the coolest,
the slickest, the jivinist...

The stupidest!

Just listen to you!

Well, you liked
it when J.J. did it.

This is what you want, isn't it?

Not me.

I don't want a phony.

Why don't you relax
and be yourself?

Hey.

That's the same thing
my mother told me.

Well, the other day
you were a zombie,

and now you're strutting around

like some fool peacock.

Will the real Michael
Evans please stand up?

I'm sure he's a very nice guy.

Hey.

Well, he is.

Um... Yvonne, can
we start all over again?

I'd like that, Michael. When?

Right now! How'd you like
to stay for dinner with us?

You bet! Good.

Thank the Lord!

♪ Mmm ♪

♪ Just looking
Out of the window ♪

♪ Watching the asphalt grow ♪

♪ Thinking how It all
looks hand-me-down ♪

♪ Good Times, yeah, yeah ♪

♪ Good Times ♪

♪ Keeping your
head Above water ♪

♪ Making a wave when you can ♪

♪ Temporary layoffs ♪

♪ Good Times ♪

♪ Easy credit rip-offs ♪

♪ Good times ♪

ANNOUNCER: Good Times is
videotaped in front of a studio audience.

♪ Good Times ♪♪