Good Times (1974–1979): Season 2, Episode 7 - The I.Q. Test - full transcript
On the eve of his eighth grade graduation, Michael comes home with a note informing his parents of his very low scores on a standardized I.Q. test. In fact, the note suggests that Michael should give up his dreams of going to college and consider trade school instead. However, Michael admits that the reason his score was so low was that he refused to take it due to his feelings that the test was culturally biased and that it didn't test kids on how smart they were but how white they were, which infuriates James. However, when he tells the family that white kids did just as poorly on a black I.Q. test, James and Florida decide to pay the person who created the test a visit to see if he could pass the the black I.Q. test.
♪ Good times Any time
you meet a payment ♪
♪ Good times Any
time you need a friend ♪
♪ Good times Any time
you're out from under ♪
♪ Not gettin' hassled
Not gettin' hustled ♪
♪ Keepin' your
head Above water ♪
♪ Makin' a wave when you can ♪
♪ Temporary layoffs Good times ♪
♪ Easy credit
ripoffs Good times ♪
♪ Scratchin' and
survivin' Good times ♪
♪ Hangin' in a chow
line Good times ♪
♪ Ain't we lucky we got 'em ♪
♪ Good times ♪♪
Hey, baby. How you doing?
Hi, James.
Ooh, whatever you
cooking sure smells good.
Almost drowns out
the Lysol in the hallway.
Ah, that's the special
stew I'm making,
it's called Beef Surprise.
Beef Surprise?
Mm-hmm, every time you
find a piece of beef in it,
you yell, "Surprise!"
Ooh, baby, that
sure smells good.
Honey, did you find
something nice for Michael?
Yeah, I got him a
fine pen and pencil set.
Just look at this,
baby, how you like it?
Oh, James, that's beautiful!
Yeah.
It looks like real gold!
No, that's what
they call gold plated,
which means, don't
breath on it too hard
or you go right
through to the tin.
Oh, James, this is a milestone!
Yeah.
Oh, I just wish they had
graduation ceremonies
for public school, then
we could sit there proud.
Oh, don't worry, baby,
Michael will have plenty of
graduations for us to go to.
He'll probably be
offered more scholarships
than a 250-pound tight end.
And before you
know it, law school.
That's right.
I can see him now,
arguing his first case.
"Is the council for the
defense, Michael Evans,
ready to make his
closing statement?"
"I am, your Honor."
"Very well then,
proceed." "Thank you.
"Ladies and
gentlemen of the jury,
"whereas and wherefore we
have been ipso'd and facto'd,
"as in the case of
habeas and corpus
"versus Telly and Savalas...
"the prosecuting
attorney has tried to prove
"that my client was
drunk while driving the car.
"I will prove beyond
a shadow of a doubt,
"with irrefutable proof
and all juicy prudence,
that he was drunk
before he got into the car!"
James, you're crazy.
Yeah, I know, but baby,
that's part of my charm.
Honey, we are
flying along with time
and I'm enjoying the ride.
I hear you.
You know Michael just graduated,
Thelma doing well in high school
and even J.J.'s getting by.
Have mercy.
Yeah, you know something, baby?
Hmm?
You sure turn out good stock.
Yeah, but you better turn off,
I think we got all the
inventory we could use!
Hello, dear Mother.
Hello, dear Father.
Hello, dear world!
I hope you all appreciate me
as much as I'm
appreciating y'all!
I think you been hitting
that Kool-Aid too hard, man.
I just strolled home with
my girlfriend, Henrietta.
We walked arm
in arm all the way,
only stopping once for
an overturned garbage can.
But I was a gentleman.
I let her step over
the potato peels
and the chicken bones
while I stepped over the winos.
Love in the ghetto.
Junior, you're really going
behind this
Henrietta, ain't you?
I tell you, Dad, she's
the hot sauce on my ribs.
She's the bacon grease
in my collard greens.
She's the fuse that
sets off Kid Dy-no-mite!
Well, I don't know
about Kid Dy-no-mite!,
but you're sure
built like a fuse.
Mm-mm, that dinner
sure smells good, Ma.
Who all's coming to dinner?
Oh, it's just the
family... and Willona.
Mm. I got an idea.
Mm.
How about if we
invite Henrietta over,
so you all can meet my intended?
Intended?
Junior, you ain't thinking
about getting married are you?
No, but I intend to go
as far as I can up to that.
Okay, J.J., call Henrietta
and tell her dinner's at 6.
Gee, thanks, Ma... Mm.
But I already told
her to be here at 5:45.
Hey, Junior.
I bet you got your nose so
wide open behind Henrietta,
you forgot all about Michael's
graduation present, didn't you?
Oh, now come on, Dad,
how could I forget
my kid brother?
I got him the greatest
present of them all,
a J.J. original, a masterpiece:
a portrait of Michael his self!
Oh... Son, that's nice.
How come you put
him in a nightgown?
That's not a nightgown, Ma,
that's the robe of a
Supreme Court Justice,
which Michael's
gonna be some day.
How come you
painted the robe purple?
That purple has a
definite symbolic meaning.
Oh, what does it symbolize, son?
It symbolizes that
I'm out of black paint.
Well, if ya'll will excuse me,
I gotta go put on my
party threads for Henrietta.
And thanks again
for inviting her over.
Saves me the expense of
taking her out for a snow cone.
Junior, get out of here!
You know something, baby? Hm?
You sure do breed good stock.
Yeah, we got a
good family, James.
Yeah, you the best thing
ever happened to me.
You're beautiful,
you got brains,
plus you're built just perfect.
Whoop, two out
of three ain't bad.
Hey! What did I tell you
about putting
yourself down, huh?
Now, Detroit may be pushing
them little economy jobs,
but personally I likes
the big luxury models
with the soft upholstery.
At it again?
You two hug and kiss so much
nobody would ever
guess you're married.
You know something, Willona?
Timing ain't one of
your strong points.
How you gonna say that?
I've caught you
every time, haven't I?
Hey, what is this?
That's Michael,
as J.J. sees him.
A Supreme Court Justice.
Oh, that's groovy.
He's gonna make it too,
because he's got your brains
and determination, James.
Oh, well, Willona, you can
come in without knocking anytime.
James, Florida, had
to come over here
and show you what I got
for Michael's graduation.
Wait until you see what we got.
Are you ready? Ta-da!
Ta-da!
Oh! Oh, no!
Oh, it's all right, Willona,
Michael's so smart he
can use a set for each hand.
No, I'll get him something else.
I'll see you all at dinner.
- All right.
Six o'clock, Willona.
Okay, and don't forget,
I'm bringing the cake.
I got a chocolate cake
with chocolate icing
with chocolate filling
and "Power to the People"
spelled out in chocolate chips.
Well, you know Michael.
If it ain't black, he
gonna send it back.
Come on, James,
let's get changed.
After all, you know,
the father of a
Supreme Court Justice
has to be properly
attired at all times,
so come along, Your Honor.
All right, Your Honoress.
Watch it, James!
I was, baby.
That's why I did it.
Ooh!
Hey, Ma?
Hey, Ma, we got any
roll-on deodorant?
No, use the spray.
It keeps missing me.
Keep trying.
There he is, the
man of the hour,
the future Nobel Winner
of Prize for Smarts.
Boy, wait until you see
that celebration dinner
Ma's got whipped up.
That's Lysol.
Michael, you gots to
close the door quicker.
Might not be a
celebration dinner.
What do you mean?
Henrietta's coming over.
I don't think Ma and Daddy
are gonna be in a partying mood
when they see this letter
Michael has for them.
It's the results of
that IQ test I took, J.J.
That's no problem,
you can pass that
with one brain tied
behind your back.
What does it say?
"Dear Mr. and Mrs. Evans,
"as you can see by the enclosed
mark of the IQ Aptitude Test,
"your son scores among
the lowest in the school.
"Based on his
score it's my advice
"that instead of
an academic career
your son enroll
in a trade school."
Michael, why don't
you want to tell me?
Now how can a kid as smart
as you get such a low score?
I don't want to talk
about it, Thelma.
Oh, Michael, Mom and Dad
are gonna be so disappointed.
You're right, that's how come
we gotta break this to
them gently and slowly.
How slowly, J.J.?
After dinner, when I
take Henrietta home.
J.J., you're always
thinking of yourself.
You know, you're just selfish!
I resent that statement!
Do you deny it?
No, but I resent it!
Look here, I made a lot of plans
and I don't want to
see them blown away.
I wish a good wind comes
along and blows you away.
What are you talking about...?
All right, all right,
what are you two
fighting about this time?
About me.
How they gonna be
fighting about you?
You sitting in a neutral corner.
Mom, Dad, this letter's for you.
But it ain't nothing that
can't wait till after dinner.
J.J.!
Hey, hey, hey, hey now!
I can't believe this.
Yeah, this don't make sense.
Mike, you get
straight A's in school,
how can you get such a
low score on your IQ test?
I never even bothered
to finish the test.
I didn't like the
questions, so I walked out.
Walked out?
Oh, didn't like the test, huh?
Didn't like it, huh?
I got something else
you're not gonna like.
James, please!
Now Michael, there must
be a better explanation
for you walking out than
you didn't like the test.
Sorry, Mama. I don't
want to talk about it.
You don't want to talk about it?
I got news for you, mister.
There ain't gonna be no
graduation celebration,
no dinner, no presents,
there ain't gonna be no nothing
until you decide you
do want to talk about it.
Oh, now come on, Dad,
Henrietta's coming over...
All right, hold it. Hold it,
calm down, now, hold it.
I said hold it! Hold it!
Now, son, we're talking
about school. Your education.
I don't want you to
give me no more of that
"I don't want to
talk about it" jive.
Michael, you just might have
messed up your whole future
flunking that IQ test.
Furthermore you're messing
up my future with Henrietta.
Mom, can I borrow
your needle and thread,
I'd like to sew those lips up.
Oh, now, come on,
I'm a part of this family,
and I have a right
to speak my mind.
And after one word,
your mind is empty.
Now look who's
talking about empty.
Why don't you take
that head back of yours
to the store and
get a deposit on it?
At least my head is...
All right, that's enough
now. That's enough.
I said that's enough, now.
Michael, we had
high hopes for you.
We didn't figure on you
going to no trade school.
Now wait a minute, there ain't
nothing wrong with trade school.
You learn a lot of things there.
And besides, a lot of plumbers
make more than lawyers.
Junior, your
membership in this family
is getting shakier
by the minute.
Michael, come here, honey.
Hey... Oh!
Honey, you never walked
away from a test before.
Tell us what's
really bothering you.
Mama, they don't know it,
but that IQ exam was
nothing but a white racist test.
Oh Michael, how could
it be a white racist test?
All school children
take it, of all colors.
Yeah, but this one was
given by the white people,
made up by white people and
even graded by white people.
It don't tell you
how smart you are,
just how white you are.
That's why the
average black score
is 15 points lower
than the average white.
Yeah, but son,
you ain't average.
Michael, you can pass
any man's test in any color.
Maybe so, Daddy, but
a lot of black kids can't.
The black
community is different,
it has a different language
and culture altogether.
You mean to tell me everybody
don't eat chitlins for dinner?
And speaking of dinner...
Junior, I'm warning you,
I'm getting ready to tear
up your birth certificate now.
They asked questions
on the test like this:
"Complete the following
phrase, Cup and..."
and you have to
choose from four words,
wall, saucer, table or window.
You know what my
friend Eddie put down?
No. Cup and table.
Because in his house,
they don't have no
saucers to put under the cup.
You know something,
when I was a kid
we didn't have no saucers
to put on the table either.
Huh. My house, we
didn't have no table.
And speaking of cups,
saucers and tables...
about dinner...
THELMA, FLORIDA AND JAMES: J.J.!
And get this question:
"A mother, father
and two children
"live in a five-bedroom
residence.
"The mother and father
sleep in one bedroom
"and each of the two
children has a room to himself.
How many guest
bedrooms are there left?"
Now how many kids in the ghetto
even know what a
guest bedroom is?
Yeah, the only guest
room we got around here
is when somebody puts a
sleeping bag in the bathtub.
I didn't mention
nothing about dinner.
You know there are not
many kids around here
who have a bedroom
to themselves.
And how many of them even
heard the word "residence"?
That's right, to them
it's a pad or a crib.
What you're trying
to say then, Michael,
is it's hard to get
the right answers
when you don't understand
the questions, huh?
That's right, Daddy.
And Daddy, white
students didn't do so good
when they took the
black intelligence test.
Oh, now, Thelma, you
know there ain't no such thing
as a black intelligence test.
Yes there is, Ma. It was made
up by a black psychologist,
and when he gave the
test to white students
they scored 35 points
lower than black students.
Whites scored lower than blacks?
Mm-hm.
In that case I'm going to demand
they add points to my test!
No matter how
many points they add,
you'd still be below normal.
Oh, yeah? What
about street smarts?
Give me that hat.
Hey, Ma, you see that?
Hey, Ma, you see that?
Hey, Junior, you see this?
Listen. Any of you
kids got any idea
where I can get a copy of
that black intelligence test?
Sure, Ma, I sent away
for a copy of it. I'll get it.
What you got in mind, baby?
I got in mind that
we oughta pay a visit
to that guy who says Michael
ought to go to trade school.
Mm-hmm.
Come on, baby, we got time.
Yes, lord.
Thelma, you look
after that stew.
Okay, Ma.
And could you all hurry along?
Henrietta will be here at 5:45.
Will you get your
mind off Henrietta?
And get your
behind off the door.
See you later, Dad.
Mr. Hargrove?
Mr. Hargrove?
Oh, Miss Edwards, I
didn't hear you come in.
I was so engrossed
in these statistics.
Miss Edwards, did you know
that the intelligence of the
average sixth grader in Peoria
is 1.23 different from
the average in Chicago
and 2.7 different from
the average in New York?
That's fascinating, isn't it?
Oh, yes, Mr. Hargrove.
There's a Mr. and Mrs.
Evans here to see you.
They don't have an appointment,
but they're very anxious
to speak with you.
Well, send them in.
Yes, sir.
Yes, you may come in now.
Thank you.
I say...
Uh, yes?
Yeah, we're Mr. and Mrs. Evans.
Oh, well, please sit down.
Thank you.
Intriguing.
Intriguing.
Fort Lauderdale is
only .073 different
from Anchorage, Alaska.
That's nice.
Well, uh, what can I do for you?
Oh, our son brought
this letter home.
It's the result of his IQ test.
Oh, yes.
I recommended
trade school, yeah.
Oh, your son's score
was low, very low.
Yeah, but see, the
reason he got such...
He brought down the
general average by .0037.
He got a low score because
he didn't finish the exam.
Well, now, that's not unusual.
See, some pupils just
can't think as fast as others.
Well, now, would
you like to know
the percentage of those
who didn't finish the test?
No, no, we ain't in here...
It happens to be 12 and
fourth-eighths percent...
Oh, you're black.
You noticed?
Well, the percentage
is different with blacks,
so I'm going to have to do
the whole thing over again.
Oh, now wait a
minute, Mr. Hargrove...
No, it's 13 and
eight-tenths percent.
Hey man, we ain't here to
hear a whole lot of yang-yang
from your transistor.
This is an ABX Technicraft.
We're not talking about numbers.
We're talking about our
son and he has a brain.
All three of our children have.
Three children,
now that is unusual.
The average black family
has four and two-thirds children.
Look, can we talk plain, man?
The reason our son
failed that jive test
is because it
wasn't fair to blacks.
It isn't fair to Chicanos,
Indians, Puerto Ricans...
It isn't fair to any minorities.
Now that's impossible.
You see, all our
intelligent quotient tests
are scientifically computerized
to accurately determine
the intellectual potential
of each student. I
mean, it's infallible.
Well, if you doubt
my credibility,
then I will give
you the figures.
You see... Look here, man.
Unless you can tell me what
the number's gonna be today,
I don't want to hear it.
Mr. Evans, you're pressing
my computer fingers.
Mr. Hargrove, with all of
those statistics in your head,
you must have a high IQ.
Yes. Yes, it's, uh, 178.
Ooh, you're a regular
big head, ain't you?
I bet you that puts you right up
there in the genius class, huh?
Well, I wouldn't want
to argue with statistics.
Well, I guess it would be easy
for you to pass an IQ test, huh?
Oh, yes, yes, I feel quite safe
in saying that it
would be, yes, yes.
Well then, I suppose
it wouldn't be hard
for you to tell me
Malcolm X's last name?
Malcolm X's last name?
Is it Little, Jones,
Fallon or Brown?
Mrs. Evans, I fail to...
Little, Jones, Fallon or Brown?
Uh... Jones!
That's one he blew.
I'll keep score, baby.
His last name is
Little, Mr. Hargrove.
You just missed a
question on an IQ test.
An IQ test?
Yes, that's right,
put together by
Dr. Robert Williams,
founder of the Association
of Black Psychologists.
Yeah, that's the book
my wife is reading from.
Well, frankly, I fail
to see the importance
of whether or not I know
Malcolm X's last name.
Oh, what you really mean,
it's not important to you.
Okay, next question.
What's the meaning of
the word, "alley apple":
Brick, piece of
fruit, dog, horse?
Alley a... Piece
of fruit, of course.
It's brick.
Ha-ha, you missed another one.
Mr. Hargrove, you just brought
the average down another...
12 and two-thirds percent.
Ah, this one should
be easy. TCB?
I beg your pardon?
TCB. Does it stand
for, "That's cool, baby,"
"They couldn't breathe,"
"Taking care of business,"
or "Take careful behavior?"
Oh, I think I know.
I mean I'm not totally ignorant
of black idiomatic speech.
Uh, TCB means,
"That's cool, baby."
That's wrong, baby.
TCB means "Taking
care of business."
But don't worry, Mr. Hargrove,
I'll see if I can get
you on the steam gun
down at the car wash.
This is ridiculous.
Look here, Mr. Hargrove,
all people ain't
statistics, see?
I mean, you know something
because you come
from one culture
I know something because
I come from another.
Let me see if I can
put it to you this way:
How you gonna know where I'm at
if you ain't been where I been?
Understand where
I'm coming from?
Mr. Hargrove, your
statistics may say
that Michael goes to trade
school, but we say no way.
Our son is going to law school.
Law school?! That's right.
I warn you, the odds
against that are very great,
that is very unrealistic.
You see, this IQ
test that your son took
was designed to save you
a great deal of
pain and anguish.
The lad can't
possibly get that...
Oh, here, you nice people,
just let me show you.
Now, the percentage
of black youths
who reach college is 6.3.
Now, onto graduate
school is only 4.7,
and onto law school
is, uh, is only 1.8,
and passing the bar exam is 1...
Huh. James, we just got a sign.
I'm going home and start sewing
Michael's Supreme Court robe.
Come on, baby.
♪ Just lookin' Out
of the window ♪
♪ Watching the asphalt grow ♪
♪ Thinkin' how It all
looks hand-me-down ♪
♪ Good times Good times ♪
♪ Keepin' your
head Above water ♪
♪ Makin' a wave When you can ♪
♪ Temporary layoffs Good times ♪
Good Times is recorded on tape
before a live audience.
♪ Ain't we lucky we got 'em ♪
♪ Good times ♪♪
you meet a payment ♪
♪ Good times Any
time you need a friend ♪
♪ Good times Any time
you're out from under ♪
♪ Not gettin' hassled
Not gettin' hustled ♪
♪ Keepin' your
head Above water ♪
♪ Makin' a wave when you can ♪
♪ Temporary layoffs Good times ♪
♪ Easy credit
ripoffs Good times ♪
♪ Scratchin' and
survivin' Good times ♪
♪ Hangin' in a chow
line Good times ♪
♪ Ain't we lucky we got 'em ♪
♪ Good times ♪♪
Hey, baby. How you doing?
Hi, James.
Ooh, whatever you
cooking sure smells good.
Almost drowns out
the Lysol in the hallway.
Ah, that's the special
stew I'm making,
it's called Beef Surprise.
Beef Surprise?
Mm-hmm, every time you
find a piece of beef in it,
you yell, "Surprise!"
Ooh, baby, that
sure smells good.
Honey, did you find
something nice for Michael?
Yeah, I got him a
fine pen and pencil set.
Just look at this,
baby, how you like it?
Oh, James, that's beautiful!
Yeah.
It looks like real gold!
No, that's what
they call gold plated,
which means, don't
breath on it too hard
or you go right
through to the tin.
Oh, James, this is a milestone!
Yeah.
Oh, I just wish they had
graduation ceremonies
for public school, then
we could sit there proud.
Oh, don't worry, baby,
Michael will have plenty of
graduations for us to go to.
He'll probably be
offered more scholarships
than a 250-pound tight end.
And before you
know it, law school.
That's right.
I can see him now,
arguing his first case.
"Is the council for the
defense, Michael Evans,
ready to make his
closing statement?"
"I am, your Honor."
"Very well then,
proceed." "Thank you.
"Ladies and
gentlemen of the jury,
"whereas and wherefore we
have been ipso'd and facto'd,
"as in the case of
habeas and corpus
"versus Telly and Savalas...
"the prosecuting
attorney has tried to prove
"that my client was
drunk while driving the car.
"I will prove beyond
a shadow of a doubt,
"with irrefutable proof
and all juicy prudence,
that he was drunk
before he got into the car!"
James, you're crazy.
Yeah, I know, but baby,
that's part of my charm.
Honey, we are
flying along with time
and I'm enjoying the ride.
I hear you.
You know Michael just graduated,
Thelma doing well in high school
and even J.J.'s getting by.
Have mercy.
Yeah, you know something, baby?
Hmm?
You sure turn out good stock.
Yeah, but you better turn off,
I think we got all the
inventory we could use!
Hello, dear Mother.
Hello, dear Father.
Hello, dear world!
I hope you all appreciate me
as much as I'm
appreciating y'all!
I think you been hitting
that Kool-Aid too hard, man.
I just strolled home with
my girlfriend, Henrietta.
We walked arm
in arm all the way,
only stopping once for
an overturned garbage can.
But I was a gentleman.
I let her step over
the potato peels
and the chicken bones
while I stepped over the winos.
Love in the ghetto.
Junior, you're really going
behind this
Henrietta, ain't you?
I tell you, Dad, she's
the hot sauce on my ribs.
She's the bacon grease
in my collard greens.
She's the fuse that
sets off Kid Dy-no-mite!
Well, I don't know
about Kid Dy-no-mite!,
but you're sure
built like a fuse.
Mm-mm, that dinner
sure smells good, Ma.
Who all's coming to dinner?
Oh, it's just the
family... and Willona.
Mm. I got an idea.
Mm.
How about if we
invite Henrietta over,
so you all can meet my intended?
Intended?
Junior, you ain't thinking
about getting married are you?
No, but I intend to go
as far as I can up to that.
Okay, J.J., call Henrietta
and tell her dinner's at 6.
Gee, thanks, Ma... Mm.
But I already told
her to be here at 5:45.
Hey, Junior.
I bet you got your nose so
wide open behind Henrietta,
you forgot all about Michael's
graduation present, didn't you?
Oh, now come on, Dad,
how could I forget
my kid brother?
I got him the greatest
present of them all,
a J.J. original, a masterpiece:
a portrait of Michael his self!
Oh... Son, that's nice.
How come you put
him in a nightgown?
That's not a nightgown, Ma,
that's the robe of a
Supreme Court Justice,
which Michael's
gonna be some day.
How come you
painted the robe purple?
That purple has a
definite symbolic meaning.
Oh, what does it symbolize, son?
It symbolizes that
I'm out of black paint.
Well, if ya'll will excuse me,
I gotta go put on my
party threads for Henrietta.
And thanks again
for inviting her over.
Saves me the expense of
taking her out for a snow cone.
Junior, get out of here!
You know something, baby? Hm?
You sure do breed good stock.
Yeah, we got a
good family, James.
Yeah, you the best thing
ever happened to me.
You're beautiful,
you got brains,
plus you're built just perfect.
Whoop, two out
of three ain't bad.
Hey! What did I tell you
about putting
yourself down, huh?
Now, Detroit may be pushing
them little economy jobs,
but personally I likes
the big luxury models
with the soft upholstery.
At it again?
You two hug and kiss so much
nobody would ever
guess you're married.
You know something, Willona?
Timing ain't one of
your strong points.
How you gonna say that?
I've caught you
every time, haven't I?
Hey, what is this?
That's Michael,
as J.J. sees him.
A Supreme Court Justice.
Oh, that's groovy.
He's gonna make it too,
because he's got your brains
and determination, James.
Oh, well, Willona, you can
come in without knocking anytime.
James, Florida, had
to come over here
and show you what I got
for Michael's graduation.
Wait until you see what we got.
Are you ready? Ta-da!
Ta-da!
Oh! Oh, no!
Oh, it's all right, Willona,
Michael's so smart he
can use a set for each hand.
No, I'll get him something else.
I'll see you all at dinner.
- All right.
Six o'clock, Willona.
Okay, and don't forget,
I'm bringing the cake.
I got a chocolate cake
with chocolate icing
with chocolate filling
and "Power to the People"
spelled out in chocolate chips.
Well, you know Michael.
If it ain't black, he
gonna send it back.
Come on, James,
let's get changed.
After all, you know,
the father of a
Supreme Court Justice
has to be properly
attired at all times,
so come along, Your Honor.
All right, Your Honoress.
Watch it, James!
I was, baby.
That's why I did it.
Ooh!
Hey, Ma?
Hey, Ma, we got any
roll-on deodorant?
No, use the spray.
It keeps missing me.
Keep trying.
There he is, the
man of the hour,
the future Nobel Winner
of Prize for Smarts.
Boy, wait until you see
that celebration dinner
Ma's got whipped up.
That's Lysol.
Michael, you gots to
close the door quicker.
Might not be a
celebration dinner.
What do you mean?
Henrietta's coming over.
I don't think Ma and Daddy
are gonna be in a partying mood
when they see this letter
Michael has for them.
It's the results of
that IQ test I took, J.J.
That's no problem,
you can pass that
with one brain tied
behind your back.
What does it say?
"Dear Mr. and Mrs. Evans,
"as you can see by the enclosed
mark of the IQ Aptitude Test,
"your son scores among
the lowest in the school.
"Based on his
score it's my advice
"that instead of
an academic career
your son enroll
in a trade school."
Michael, why don't
you want to tell me?
Now how can a kid as smart
as you get such a low score?
I don't want to talk
about it, Thelma.
Oh, Michael, Mom and Dad
are gonna be so disappointed.
You're right, that's how come
we gotta break this to
them gently and slowly.
How slowly, J.J.?
After dinner, when I
take Henrietta home.
J.J., you're always
thinking of yourself.
You know, you're just selfish!
I resent that statement!
Do you deny it?
No, but I resent it!
Look here, I made a lot of plans
and I don't want to
see them blown away.
I wish a good wind comes
along and blows you away.
What are you talking about...?
All right, all right,
what are you two
fighting about this time?
About me.
How they gonna be
fighting about you?
You sitting in a neutral corner.
Mom, Dad, this letter's for you.
But it ain't nothing that
can't wait till after dinner.
J.J.!
Hey, hey, hey, hey now!
I can't believe this.
Yeah, this don't make sense.
Mike, you get
straight A's in school,
how can you get such a
low score on your IQ test?
I never even bothered
to finish the test.
I didn't like the
questions, so I walked out.
Walked out?
Oh, didn't like the test, huh?
Didn't like it, huh?
I got something else
you're not gonna like.
James, please!
Now Michael, there must
be a better explanation
for you walking out than
you didn't like the test.
Sorry, Mama. I don't
want to talk about it.
You don't want to talk about it?
I got news for you, mister.
There ain't gonna be no
graduation celebration,
no dinner, no presents,
there ain't gonna be no nothing
until you decide you
do want to talk about it.
Oh, now come on, Dad,
Henrietta's coming over...
All right, hold it. Hold it,
calm down, now, hold it.
I said hold it! Hold it!
Now, son, we're talking
about school. Your education.
I don't want you to
give me no more of that
"I don't want to
talk about it" jive.
Michael, you just might have
messed up your whole future
flunking that IQ test.
Furthermore you're messing
up my future with Henrietta.
Mom, can I borrow
your needle and thread,
I'd like to sew those lips up.
Oh, now, come on,
I'm a part of this family,
and I have a right
to speak my mind.
And after one word,
your mind is empty.
Now look who's
talking about empty.
Why don't you take
that head back of yours
to the store and
get a deposit on it?
At least my head is...
All right, that's enough
now. That's enough.
I said that's enough, now.
Michael, we had
high hopes for you.
We didn't figure on you
going to no trade school.
Now wait a minute, there ain't
nothing wrong with trade school.
You learn a lot of things there.
And besides, a lot of plumbers
make more than lawyers.
Junior, your
membership in this family
is getting shakier
by the minute.
Michael, come here, honey.
Hey... Oh!
Honey, you never walked
away from a test before.
Tell us what's
really bothering you.
Mama, they don't know it,
but that IQ exam was
nothing but a white racist test.
Oh Michael, how could
it be a white racist test?
All school children
take it, of all colors.
Yeah, but this one was
given by the white people,
made up by white people and
even graded by white people.
It don't tell you
how smart you are,
just how white you are.
That's why the
average black score
is 15 points lower
than the average white.
Yeah, but son,
you ain't average.
Michael, you can pass
any man's test in any color.
Maybe so, Daddy, but
a lot of black kids can't.
The black
community is different,
it has a different language
and culture altogether.
You mean to tell me everybody
don't eat chitlins for dinner?
And speaking of dinner...
Junior, I'm warning you,
I'm getting ready to tear
up your birth certificate now.
They asked questions
on the test like this:
"Complete the following
phrase, Cup and..."
and you have to
choose from four words,
wall, saucer, table or window.
You know what my
friend Eddie put down?
No. Cup and table.
Because in his house,
they don't have no
saucers to put under the cup.
You know something,
when I was a kid
we didn't have no saucers
to put on the table either.
Huh. My house, we
didn't have no table.
And speaking of cups,
saucers and tables...
about dinner...
THELMA, FLORIDA AND JAMES: J.J.!
And get this question:
"A mother, father
and two children
"live in a five-bedroom
residence.
"The mother and father
sleep in one bedroom
"and each of the two
children has a room to himself.
How many guest
bedrooms are there left?"
Now how many kids in the ghetto
even know what a
guest bedroom is?
Yeah, the only guest
room we got around here
is when somebody puts a
sleeping bag in the bathtub.
I didn't mention
nothing about dinner.
You know there are not
many kids around here
who have a bedroom
to themselves.
And how many of them even
heard the word "residence"?
That's right, to them
it's a pad or a crib.
What you're trying
to say then, Michael,
is it's hard to get
the right answers
when you don't understand
the questions, huh?
That's right, Daddy.
And Daddy, white
students didn't do so good
when they took the
black intelligence test.
Oh, now, Thelma, you
know there ain't no such thing
as a black intelligence test.
Yes there is, Ma. It was made
up by a black psychologist,
and when he gave the
test to white students
they scored 35 points
lower than black students.
Whites scored lower than blacks?
Mm-hm.
In that case I'm going to demand
they add points to my test!
No matter how
many points they add,
you'd still be below normal.
Oh, yeah? What
about street smarts?
Give me that hat.
Hey, Ma, you see that?
Hey, Ma, you see that?
Hey, Junior, you see this?
Listen. Any of you
kids got any idea
where I can get a copy of
that black intelligence test?
Sure, Ma, I sent away
for a copy of it. I'll get it.
What you got in mind, baby?
I got in mind that
we oughta pay a visit
to that guy who says Michael
ought to go to trade school.
Mm-hmm.
Come on, baby, we got time.
Yes, lord.
Thelma, you look
after that stew.
Okay, Ma.
And could you all hurry along?
Henrietta will be here at 5:45.
Will you get your
mind off Henrietta?
And get your
behind off the door.
See you later, Dad.
Mr. Hargrove?
Mr. Hargrove?
Oh, Miss Edwards, I
didn't hear you come in.
I was so engrossed
in these statistics.
Miss Edwards, did you know
that the intelligence of the
average sixth grader in Peoria
is 1.23 different from
the average in Chicago
and 2.7 different from
the average in New York?
That's fascinating, isn't it?
Oh, yes, Mr. Hargrove.
There's a Mr. and Mrs.
Evans here to see you.
They don't have an appointment,
but they're very anxious
to speak with you.
Well, send them in.
Yes, sir.
Yes, you may come in now.
Thank you.
I say...
Uh, yes?
Yeah, we're Mr. and Mrs. Evans.
Oh, well, please sit down.
Thank you.
Intriguing.
Intriguing.
Fort Lauderdale is
only .073 different
from Anchorage, Alaska.
That's nice.
Well, uh, what can I do for you?
Oh, our son brought
this letter home.
It's the result of his IQ test.
Oh, yes.
I recommended
trade school, yeah.
Oh, your son's score
was low, very low.
Yeah, but see, the
reason he got such...
He brought down the
general average by .0037.
He got a low score because
he didn't finish the exam.
Well, now, that's not unusual.
See, some pupils just
can't think as fast as others.
Well, now, would
you like to know
the percentage of those
who didn't finish the test?
No, no, we ain't in here...
It happens to be 12 and
fourth-eighths percent...
Oh, you're black.
You noticed?
Well, the percentage
is different with blacks,
so I'm going to have to do
the whole thing over again.
Oh, now wait a
minute, Mr. Hargrove...
No, it's 13 and
eight-tenths percent.
Hey man, we ain't here to
hear a whole lot of yang-yang
from your transistor.
This is an ABX Technicraft.
We're not talking about numbers.
We're talking about our
son and he has a brain.
All three of our children have.
Three children,
now that is unusual.
The average black family
has four and two-thirds children.
Look, can we talk plain, man?
The reason our son
failed that jive test
is because it
wasn't fair to blacks.
It isn't fair to Chicanos,
Indians, Puerto Ricans...
It isn't fair to any minorities.
Now that's impossible.
You see, all our
intelligent quotient tests
are scientifically computerized
to accurately determine
the intellectual potential
of each student. I
mean, it's infallible.
Well, if you doubt
my credibility,
then I will give
you the figures.
You see... Look here, man.
Unless you can tell me what
the number's gonna be today,
I don't want to hear it.
Mr. Evans, you're pressing
my computer fingers.
Mr. Hargrove, with all of
those statistics in your head,
you must have a high IQ.
Yes. Yes, it's, uh, 178.
Ooh, you're a regular
big head, ain't you?
I bet you that puts you right up
there in the genius class, huh?
Well, I wouldn't want
to argue with statistics.
Well, I guess it would be easy
for you to pass an IQ test, huh?
Oh, yes, yes, I feel quite safe
in saying that it
would be, yes, yes.
Well then, I suppose
it wouldn't be hard
for you to tell me
Malcolm X's last name?
Malcolm X's last name?
Is it Little, Jones,
Fallon or Brown?
Mrs. Evans, I fail to...
Little, Jones, Fallon or Brown?
Uh... Jones!
That's one he blew.
I'll keep score, baby.
His last name is
Little, Mr. Hargrove.
You just missed a
question on an IQ test.
An IQ test?
Yes, that's right,
put together by
Dr. Robert Williams,
founder of the Association
of Black Psychologists.
Yeah, that's the book
my wife is reading from.
Well, frankly, I fail
to see the importance
of whether or not I know
Malcolm X's last name.
Oh, what you really mean,
it's not important to you.
Okay, next question.
What's the meaning of
the word, "alley apple":
Brick, piece of
fruit, dog, horse?
Alley a... Piece
of fruit, of course.
It's brick.
Ha-ha, you missed another one.
Mr. Hargrove, you just brought
the average down another...
12 and two-thirds percent.
Ah, this one should
be easy. TCB?
I beg your pardon?
TCB. Does it stand
for, "That's cool, baby,"
"They couldn't breathe,"
"Taking care of business,"
or "Take careful behavior?"
Oh, I think I know.
I mean I'm not totally ignorant
of black idiomatic speech.
Uh, TCB means,
"That's cool, baby."
That's wrong, baby.
TCB means "Taking
care of business."
But don't worry, Mr. Hargrove,
I'll see if I can get
you on the steam gun
down at the car wash.
This is ridiculous.
Look here, Mr. Hargrove,
all people ain't
statistics, see?
I mean, you know something
because you come
from one culture
I know something because
I come from another.
Let me see if I can
put it to you this way:
How you gonna know where I'm at
if you ain't been where I been?
Understand where
I'm coming from?
Mr. Hargrove, your
statistics may say
that Michael goes to trade
school, but we say no way.
Our son is going to law school.
Law school?! That's right.
I warn you, the odds
against that are very great,
that is very unrealistic.
You see, this IQ
test that your son took
was designed to save you
a great deal of
pain and anguish.
The lad can't
possibly get that...
Oh, here, you nice people,
just let me show you.
Now, the percentage
of black youths
who reach college is 6.3.
Now, onto graduate
school is only 4.7,
and onto law school
is, uh, is only 1.8,
and passing the bar exam is 1...
Huh. James, we just got a sign.
I'm going home and start sewing
Michael's Supreme Court robe.
Come on, baby.
♪ Just lookin' Out
of the window ♪
♪ Watching the asphalt grow ♪
♪ Thinkin' how It all
looks hand-me-down ♪
♪ Good times Good times ♪
♪ Keepin' your
head Above water ♪
♪ Makin' a wave When you can ♪
♪ Temporary layoffs Good times ♪
Good Times is recorded on tape
before a live audience.
♪ Ain't we lucky we got 'em ♪
♪ Good times ♪♪