Good Eats (1999–2012): Season 10, Episode 12 - Major Pepper - full transcript



BETSY, WHERE'S THE TURKEY?

WE SHOULD'VE HAD IT
IN THE OVEN HOURS AGO.
OH, BARNEY'S
TAKING CARE OF IT.

NOT MORE GRILLED TURKEY.

NO, HE'S FRYING IT.
HE SAYS IT'S GONNA BE PERFECT.

HE SAID IT'S
DELICIOUS ON THE INSIDE

AND GOLDEN BROWN
ON THE OUTSIDE.

BUT STILL--FRYING,
ALL THAT OIL,

AND I JUST READ
HOW DANGEROUS IT IS.
(explosion)

WHAT IS THAT GOING ON?!
(man) AAH!

OH, NO, I THINK
THE TURKEY'S COMING!



(glass shatters)

(metal clanks)

EVERY YEAR, MORE AND MORE COOKS
DECIDE TO DEEP-FRY A TURKEY,

AND EVERY YEAR,
MORE AND MORE COOKS

END UP IN DEEP,
DEEP TROUBLE.

NOW SINCE HOT OIL
IS SO EFFICIENT,

YOU KNOW,
AT CONDUCTING HEAT,

IT CAN PRODUCE A TASTY BIRD
IN A FRACTION OF THE TIME

REQUIRED BY
ANY OTHER COOKING METHOD,

BUT DEEP-FRYING IS
POTENTIALLY DANGEROUS BUSINESS.

EACH HOLIDAY SEASON,
SIRENS SOUND IN FLAMES

AND SOMETIMES
POULTRY FILL THE SKY.

NOW CAN WE BREAK
THIS CYCLE OF DESTRUCTION?

I THINK WE CAN.



WE JUST HAVE TO BE WILLING
TO GET CREATIVE

WITH THE PHYSICAL REALITIES
OF THE SITUATION.

SURE, IT'S GONNA TAKE
A LITTLE EFFORT,

BUT THE RESULTS
WILL INDEED BE...

MOST OF THE TURKEYS COOKED UP
IN THIS COUNTRY

ARE, IN A WORD, DISAPPOINTING.

I BLAME THAT PAINTING.

I SUSPECT THAT UPON
SEEING THAT IMAGE,

AMERICAN TURKEY BREEDERS
SET OUT TO MAKE IT A REALITY.

THE RESULT? TODAY'S
FACTORY-GROWN, MEGA-MART BIRD

CAN BARELY WALK AND IS
COMPLETELY INCAPABLE OF MATING,

WHICH IS SAD WHEN YOU CONSIDER

HOW LITTLE A COMMERCIAL TURKEY
HAS TO LOOK FORWARD TO.

JUST LOOK AT THOSE
PREPOSTEROUS PROPORTIONS.

IT'S NOT NATURAL.

SUCH BIRDS ARE USUALLY LABELED
AS SELF-BASTING,

MEANING THEY'VE BEEN INJECTED
WITH FAT AND BRINE AND WHATNOT,

SO THEY'LL STAY JUICY
AFTER THE LONG HOURS OF COOKING

NECESSARY TO GET
THEIR PONDEROUS BULK

UP TO A REASONABLY SAFE
TEMPERATURE FOR CONSUMPTION.

BY THE WAY, DO YOU THINK
A WOMAN THAT SIZE

COULD HOLD A BIRD
OF THAT DIMENSION AT THAT ANGLE?

(remote beeps)

(all gasping)

(laughs)

ME NEITHER.
THAT'S FUN.

HERE WE SEE
AN APPROXIMATION OF THE SPACE

A COMMERCIAL TURKEY HAS
TO CALL ITS OWN.

NOW SOME FOLKS FEEL BETTER
ABOUT BUYING FREE-RANGE BIRDS,

WHICH, THEY ASSUME,
LIVE HAPPILY IN THE OPEN

PLAYING POULTRY GAMES
AND DEVELOPING A LOT OF FLAVOR.

BUT ACCORDING TO THE USDA,
FREE-RANGE BIRDS

ARE ONLY REQUIRED
TO HAVE ACCESS TO THE OUTDOORS.

HOW MUCH AND HOW LONG
IS UP TO THE GROWER.

OKAY, BREAK'S OVER!

NOW PASTURE-RAISED BIRDS
ARE FREE TO ROAM AROUND

AND EAT BUGS
AND GRASS AND WHATNOT,

WHICH IS CLOSER
TO WHAT NATURE INTENDED.

THE PROBLEM IS
THE WORD "PASTURE"

IS NO MORE REGULATED
THAN THE WORD "RANGE."

AND ONE MAN'S PASTURE COULD BE
ANOTHER MAN'S POSTAGE STAMP.

SORRY, BUDDY.

HERITAGE TURKEYS
ARE DESCENDANTS OF THE BIRDS

THAT WERE
STRUTTING AROUND AMERICA

BACK WHEN THE MAYFLOWER LANDED.

RAISED ON SMALL FARMS,
THESE RARE VARIETIES,

LIKE BOURBON RED
AND AMERICAN BRONZE,

LOOK NOTHING LIKE
FACTORY FRANKEN-BIRDS,

NOR DO THEY TASTE LIKE THEM.

DO YOU SEE IT?

I DON'T SEE IT.

IF YOU ARE A FAN OF THIS SHOW,

THEN BRINING IS PROBABLY NOT
AN ALIEN CONCEPT TO YOU.

THE IDEA IS THAT BY SOAKING
YOUR BIRD IN A SALT SOLUTION,

YOU CAN ACTUALLY DENATURE
SOME OF THE INTERNAL PROTEINS,

WHICH WILL ENSNARE MOISTURE,
HELPING YOU TO KEEP THE BIRD

MOIST DURING
THE COOKING PROCESS.

OF COURSE, THE SEASONING DOESN'T
EXACTLY HURT THE FLAVOR EITHER.

NOW MY FRY BRINE
IS JUST ZEN SIMPLE.

YOU BEGIN WITH 6 QUARTS
OF HOT WATER

IN MY CONSTRUCTION-STYLE COOLER,

WHICH I LIKE A LOT

BECAUSE OF THE LITTLE
EASY DRAIN DOWN HERE.

NOW, TO THAT, WE WILL ADD
A POUND OF SALT AND A POUND

OF BROWN SUGAR.

IT'S SO EASY, IT'S NOT EVEN
WORTH WRITING DOWN, IS IT?

I'LL JUST GIVE THAT A GOOD STIR

TO MAKE SURE ALL THE GRAINY
STUFF IS DISSOLVED.

AND THEN YOU
JUST LEAVE THIS ALONE

TO COOL DOWN FOR A FEW MINUTES.
15 MINUTES, HALF-HOUR,

DOESN'T REALLY MATTER.
THERE.

NOW AS FOR THE BIRD ITSELF,

BIG BIRDS TAKE
TOO GOSH DARN LONG TO COOK,

AND THEY TEND TO DRY OUT,
EVEN WHEN YOU BRINE THEM,

SO I NEVER GO BEYOND 15 POUNDS.

IF YOU NEED MORE THAN THAT,
NOW THE WAY I SEE IT,

YOU SHOULD GET YOURSELF
ANOTHER TURKEY.

NOW THE ONLY PREP THAT IS
REALLY NECESSARY IS TO REMOVE

WHATEVER LITTLE GOODIES
HAVE BEEN STUCK INSIDE--

KIND OF LIKE NECKS AND THINGS.

COURSE, YOU DON'T WANT
TO THROW THESE AWAY.

THEY'LL BE GOOD FOR,
I DON'T KNOW, ANOTHER SHOW.

IF YOU'VE GOT ONE OF THESE
NASTY LITTLE THERMOMETER THINGS,

GET THAT OUT, TOO.
IT'S WORTHLESS.

NEXT UP, WE NEED THE ICE.

5 POUNDS OF ICE, TO BE EXACT.

HOW MUCH WATER WOULD THAT BE?
YOU'RE RIGHT--5 POUNDS.

AND HOW MUCH IS THAT?
THAT'S RIGHT--5 PINTS,

BECAUSE A PINT'S A POUND
THE WORLD AROUND.

TIME TO INTRODUCE OUR POULTRY

TO ITS HOME
FOR THE NEXT 8 TO 16 HOURS.

PERFECT FIT. JUST MAKE SURE
THAT IT IS GOOD AND SUNK,

AND IT IS.

NOW AS LONG
AS YOU LEAVE THIS LID ON,

THIS GUY WILL STAY NICE AND COOL
DURING THAT BRINING PERIOD.

WE JUST NEED TO FIND
A GOOD PLACE TO--

A GOOD PLACE TO STASH IT.

THERE WE GO.

AHH!

(imitating "Terminator")
I'LL BE BACK.

NOW THAT OUR BIRD
IS SAFELY SOAKING,

IT IS TIME
TO CONTEMPLATE FRYING.

NOW FRYING A TURKEY'S
GONNA REQUIRE A LOT OF OIL,

AND WE'RE GONNA HAVE
TO GET IT REALLY HOT.

WE'RE TALKIN' 4 GALLONS
PROBABLY, 375 DEGREES.

NOW EVEN IF YOUR HOME RANGE
POSSESSED THE FIREPOWER NEEDED,

THIS IS NOT THE KIND OF ACTIVITY

ONE WOULD WANT TO--
TO DO INDOORS.

IT'S JUST VERY, VERY DANGEROUS.

NO, WE ARE GOING TO NEED A--
COME ON, COME ON, COME ON!

WE'RE GONNA NEED
AN OUTDOOR COOKER.

WHAT ARE YOU DOING DOWN THERE?
COME ON. COME ON.

NOW WHEN YOU GO SHOPPING,

YOU ARE GOING TO BE TEMPTED--
VERY TEMPTED--

TO GET YOURSELF
A TURKEY FRYING KIT.

FIGHT THIS URGE, OKAY?

I CAN ALMOST PROMISE YOU THAT
YOU WILL FIND BETTER COMPONENTS

IF YOU SHOP à LA CARTE.

FIRST STEP--WE MUST FIND
AN OUTDOOR COOKER--

THE ACTUAL BURNER.

WHAT WE'RE AFTER?
VERSATILITY AND STABILITY.

NOW LET'S HAVE A LOOK
AT THIS MODEL.

NOW THIS ROUND BURNER ASSEMBLY
MEANS IT ONLY HOLDS THIS POT,

WHICH ISN'T VERY VERSATILE.

OH, AND CHECK THIS OUT.
IT HAS ONLY THREE LEGS,

AND THEY CON--CONNECT
WITH SCREWS. HUH!

IS THAT STABLE?

I HAVE TWO WORDS FOR YOU...
BURN WARD.

HERE, HAVE A LOOK AT THIS.

THIS IS WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT.

IT'S NICE AND BROAD,
SQUAT, HEAVY, STABLE--

KIND OF LIKE ME,
EXCEPT FOR THE STABLE PART--

AND AS OPPOSED TO SCREWS,
THE LEGS ARE WELDED INTO PLACE.

THE BURNER HAS
TWO ROWS OF JETS--

GREAT FOR HEAT DISTRIBUTION.

NO FANCY-SHMANCY CONTROLS,
JUST AN AIRFLOW ADJUSTMENT,

AND WE'LL GET TO THAT LATER.

BEST OF ALL,
IT IS NICE, WIDE AND SQUARE,

WHICH MEANS THAT IT CAN HOLD
A WIDE ARRAY OF VESSELS--

SPEAKING OF...

SPEA NG OF...

¶

AT 15x13 INCHES AND HOLDING
A WHOPPING 30 QUARTS OF LIQUID,

THIS ALUMINUM VESSEL
WILL DO VERY NICELY.

NOTICE THE LARGE HANDLES,
FOUR RIVET CONNECT--

VERY BEEFY WITH ENOUGH LOOP
TO GRAB

WITH HEAVY POTHOLDERS
OR GLOVES.

NOW WHEN POTS GET THIS BIG,

THEY USUALLY COME
WITH ACCESSORIES.

AND THAT'S A GOOD THING,

ESPECIALLY IF SAID ACCESSORY
LOOK LIKE THIS.

THIS A TURKEY LIFTER,
WHICH WE WILL DEFINITELY

BE PRESSING INTO SERVICE,
AND NO, IT'S NOT A UNITASKER.

LAST STOP--FUEL.

EVER WONDER WHY PROPANE TANKS
ARE ALWAYS KEPT OUTSIDE?

THAT'S RIGHT--
THEY'RE CHOCK-FULL

OF HIGHLY FLAMMABLE,
PRESSURIZED HYDROCARBON GAS.

NOW MANY HARDWARE STORES USED
TO FILL EMPTY TAKES ON PREMISES,

BUT THESE DAYS, MOST RETAILERS
ONLY OFFER NEW TANKS

AND TRADE-INS, WHICH IS FINE,
BUT YOU SHOULD ALWAYS INSPECT

THE TANK THAT YOU'RE BEING GIVEN

FOR RUST AND SIGNS
OF WEAR AND TEAR,

ESPECIALLY AROUND THE NOZZLE
AND THE VALVE ASSEMBLY.

IF YOU SEE A LITTLE BIT OF RUST
ON THE OUTSIDE OF THE TANK,

THAT NO BIG DEAL.
THEY PRETTY MUCH ALL HAVE THAT.

IT'S JUST THE NATURE OF STEEL.

NOW IF YOU WANT TO MAKE SURE
THAT YOU'RE GETTING A FULL TANK,

AND, YOU KNOW,
IT'S NOT NECESSARILY A BAD IDEA,

WHAT YOU WANT TO DO IS JUST
KIND OF LAY THE TANK OVER

LIKE THIS, POUR SOME HOT WATER,
OR EVEN HOT COFFEE,

DOWN THE SIDE,
RIGHT THE TANK,

AND THEN FEEL
FOR A TEMPERATURE CHANGE.

WHEREVER THE GAS LINE IS,

IT'LL FEEL COLD COMPARED
TO THE REST OF THE TANK.

AND YOU SHOULD FEEL THAT LINE
ABOUT RIGHT HERE

AT THE BOTTOM OF THE SHOULDER.
THIS BABY'S FULL.

COME ON HOME, I GOT
A TURKEY TO INTRODUCE YOU TO.

THERE.
NOW WHEN TRANSPORTING PROPANE,

YOU ALWAYS WANT TO KEEP THE TANK
UPRIGHT AND FULLY SECURE.

I FIND THAT ONE OF TODAY'S
NEWFANGLED, YOU KNOW,

15-POINT CHILD SEATS
DOES THE JOB VERY NICELY.

WHERE DO YOU KEEP THE KIDS?

WHAT DO YOU THINK
THE TRUNK'S FOR?

(laughs maniacally)

OUR FIRST CONCERN WHEN DEALING
WITH LARGE-FORMAT FRYING--

LOCATION, LOCATION, LOCATION.

BESIDES NEVER FRYING A TURKEY
IN YOUR HOUSE,

YOU'RE ALSO GONNA PROMISE ME
THAT YOU WILL NEVER FRY A TURKEY

IN YOUR GARAGE
OR ON YOUR PATIO OR DECK

OR IN ANY OTHER WOODEN
STRUCTURE, FOR THAT MATTER.

NOW YOU MIGHT THINK THAT YOUR
DRIVEWAY IS A GRAND FRICATION,

BUT REMEMBER, DRIVEWAYS ARE
REALLY GOOD PLACES FOR THINGS

LIKE TRICYCLES AND BIG WHEELS
AND BALLS AND WHATNOT, SO--

AND--AND ODDS ARE GOOD THAT
SOME OIL IS GONNA GET DRIPPED

SOMEWHERE ALONG THE LINE,
AND OIL ON CONCRETE

IS A LITTLE TOUGH TO CLEAN UP.

AS THE OWNER OF A VINTAGE
BRITISH MOTORCYCLE,

BELIEVE ME, I KNOW.

NOW GRASS, WELL,
NOT ONLY DOES GRASS HIDE SPILLS,

IT PROVIDES A LITTLE EXTRA
ANTI-SCOOT PROTECTION

FOR THE COOKER,
AND, OF COURSE, IT IS NOT

A PREFERRED BIG WHEEL SURFACE.

SO WE ARE ALL HOOKED UP HERE,

ACCORDING TO THE MANUFACTURER'S
INSTRUCTIONS,

AND I HAVE CHECKED
FOR GAS LEAKS USING MY NOSE,

WHICH IS VERY GOOD
AT DETECTING ETHYL MERCAPTAN,

WHICH IS ADDED
TO ODORLESS PROPANE

BECAUSE IT IS
SO GOSH DARN STINKY.

NOW TIME TO ADD THE OIL, RIGHT?

SURE, IF YOU'VE GOT
AN APPETITE FOR DESTRUCTION!

COME ON.

LET'S BE VERY CLEAR
ABOUT SOMETHING, SHALL WE?

FRYING TURKEYS CAN BE DANGEROUS.

NOT, PERHAPS,
AS DANGEROUS AS ATTEMPTING

TO MILK A WILD CAPE BUFFALO
DURING MATING SEASON,

BUT PRETTY DARN DANGEROUS,
NONETHELESS.

WHAT CAN GO WRONG?
WELL, WHAT IF YOU HAPPEN TO HAVE

THAT--THAT OIL
TOO HIGH IN THE POT?

WHAT IF IT WAS HEATED
OVER 400 DEGREES FAHRENHEIT?

GO AHEAD THERE!
GO AHEAD!

WHAT IF YOUR TURKEY
HAPPENED TO BE WET, AND WHAT IF,

HEAVEN FORBID,
YOUR TURKEY STILL HAD ICE IN IT?

IT MIGHT LOOK
SOMETHING LIKE THIS.

DO WE HAVE YOUR ATTENTION?

GOOD, BECAUSE THE REST
OF THIS SHOW

IS ABOUT KEEPING
THAT FROM HAPPENING TO YOU.

ALL RIGHT, SNUFF HER OUT, BOYS.

THERE. OUR BIRD IS
OUT OF HIS BRINY BATH.

I HAVE INSERTED THE--THE LIFTER
THAT CAME WITH OUR POT,

AND SINCE THE WINGS
WERE STICKING OUT A LITTLE BIT,

I DECIDED TO TIE ON A LITTLE BIT
OF BUTCHER TWINE.

NOW THE NEXT IMPORTANT STEP
IS A LITTLE DISPLACEMENT TEST.

A LOT OF FIRES START

BECAUSE PEOPLE PUT TOO MUCH OIL
IN THE POT,

THEN THEY DROP IN THE BIRD,
THE OIL GOES OVER...

SO THE ONLY WAY TO REALLY KNOW
HOW MUCH OIL YOU'RE GONNA NEED

IS TO DO A LITTLE TEST.

I HAVE HERE A GALLON PITCHER
OF WATER.

I'M GONNA SEE HOW MANY IT TAKES
TO JUST BARELY COVER THE TURKEY.

THAT WAY, I'LL KNOW
HOW MUCH OIL TO PLACE IN THERE

AND I'LL ALSO BE MAKING SURE

THAT THE--THE POT IS
LARGE ENOUGH FOR THE JOB.

WELL, THERE WE GO.

OUR OIL IS IN THE POT.
THE POT IS ON THE BURNER.

WE HAVE A FRYING THERMOMETER
STANDING BY

TO MONITOR THE TEMPERATURE
OF THE FAT.

HERE I HAVE A LITTLE TABLE
WITH MY HEAT-PROOF GLOVES,

AN INSTANT-READ THERMOMETER
FOR THE MEAT, A FIRE STICK,

I'VE GOT A LITTLE TIMER,
A LOVELY BEVERAGE,

A LOUNGING DEVICE,
A SIDE TOWEL.

OVER HERE WE HAVE A COOLER

WITH THE POULTRY

STANDING BY,

AND WE HAVE THE ONLY UNITASKER
ALLOWED IN MY KITCHEN.

THE ONE THING I HOPE
TO NOT NEED HERE TODAY.

AND I'VE EVEN WRAPPED MY--
MY PROPANE HOSE

WITH ALUMINUM FOIL
JUST IN CASE ANY OIL

DECIDES TO HOP OUT OF THE PAN.

WE ARE READY
TO GET TO FRYIN', RIGHT?

NOT ON YOUR LIFE.

I MEAN, THINK ABOUT IT,
WHEN THIS 4 GALLONS OF OIL

COMES UP TO 300 DEGREES, EVEN IF
I HAD A CUNNING, CLEVER DEVICE

LIKE THIS TO LIFT
THIS BIRD OUT WITH,

I WOULD STILL HAVE TO COME
RIGHT OVER HERE TO DROP IT IN.

FIRE, HOT OIL, WET POULTRY--
I'M NOT GONNA DO IT.

I DON'T WANT TO BE
JOHNNY HUMAN TORCH.

A MATTER OF FACT,

I WOULD VENTURE THAT THIS IS
AN IMPOSSIBLE TASK.

IT CAN'T BE DONE.
IT SHOULDN'T BE DONE.

IT'LL NEVER BE--
HOLD THAT THOUGHT.



¶

WITH THE EXCEPTION
OF THE LADDER,

THE TURKEY DERRICK
MAY BE ASSEMBLED WITH PARTS

FROM THE HARDWARE STORE
COSTING NOT IN EXCESS OF $28.

ALL RIGHT, MAYBE $21.
FIRST STEP--

TAKE A PIECE OF COTTON SASH
CORD ABOUT 15 FEET LONG

AND ATTACH IT TO ONE SIDE
OF THE LADDER

USING A SECURE KNOT--
I LIKE THE BOWLINE,

BUT IT'S JUST
THE BOY SCOUT IN ME. GOOD.

NEXT YOU NEED ONE SMALL PULLEY

HOOKED ONTO ANY TYPE
OF CARABINER-LIKE DEVICE.

WE WILL THREAD THE SASH CORD
THROUGH THAT PULLEY THUSLY.

NOW NEXT STEP--
TAKE A CABLE TIE

OR ZIP TIE AND ATTACH
A SWIVEL TOP PULLEY

TO THE TOP STEP OF THE LADDER.

EASY--NOW THREAD
THE SASH CORD THROUGH THAT.

LAST BUT NOT LEAST, INSTALL
YOURSELF A WINDOW CLEAVE

TO THE SIDE OF THE LADDER.

YOU CAN GET THOSE AT JUST ABOUT
ANY HARDWARE STORE,

AND TIE THE SASH CORD
AROUND IT,

LOCKING IT WITH WHAT
SAILORS CALL A CLEAT KNOT, SEE?

HANDY, HUH?

OF COURSE IF YOU HAVE TIME,

YOU CAN ALWAYS ADD A FEW
EXTRA ACCOUTREMENTS

AS SAFETY PRECAUTIONS.

THEN SIMPLY ATTACH THE HANDLE
PORTION OF THE TURKEY LIFTER

TO THE CARABINER-LIKE DEVICE,
AND YOU ARE DONE.

(laughs sinisterly)
BEHOLD, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN,

CHILDREN OF ALL AGES,
CITIZENS OF THE UNIVERSE...

THE TURKEY DERRICK!
(triumphant music playing)

(laughing evilly)

YOU WANT TO SEE IT WORK? YOU
WANT TO SEE IT WORK, DON'T YOU?

I WANT TO SEE IT WORK.
FIRE, FIRST.

¶

AHH, OKAY, FROM NOW UNTIL
THE END OF THE COOKING PROCESS,

YOU WILL REMAIN WITHIN A 10-FOOT
PERIMETER OF THAT BURNER.

I DON'T CARE
IF YOUR BEVERAGE RUNS OUT.

I DON'T CARE OF ED McMAHON
IS BEATIN' ON YOUR FRONT DOOR

WITH ONE OF THOSE
BIG CARDBOARD CHECKS.

I DON'T CARE IF YOU NEED
TO RUN IN AND GRAB YOUR CAMERA

SO YOU DON'T MISS THAT PICTURE
OF BIGFOOT CROSSING YOUR YARD.

(grunts)

NOPE, I DON'T CARE.

YOU STAY PUT BECAUSE WALKING
AWAY FROM FIRE AND HOT OIL

IS JUST...
NOT... REAL... BRIGHT.

BAD THINGS HAPPEN
WHEN YOU DO THAT, OKAY?

SO HERE WE ARE.

NOW THE TARGET TEMPERATURE
RIGHT NOW--250 DEGREES.

KIND OF LOW FOR FRYING,
BUT BY INSERTING THE TURKEY

WHEN THE TEMPERATURE
IS RELATIVELY LOW,

WE'LL HELP TO GUARD
AGAINST BOILOVERS,

WHICH ARE ONE OF THE THINGS

THAT DEFINITELY START
FRYER FIRES.

ONCE THE TURKEY'S IN,
WE'LL BOOST THE HEAT.

(grunting)

EXCELLENT.
WE HAVE REACHED 250 DEGREES.

I WILL REMOVE
THE THERMOMETER MOMENTARILY.

TIME TO DEPOSIT THE POULTRY.

(laughs maniacally)

OBVIOUSLY, YOU WANT TO HAVE
A GOOD GRIP ON THIS LINE

AS YOU UNCLEAT.

ASSUME A SAFE DISTANCE--
I'D SAY ABOUT HERE.

AND SLOWLY DEPOSIT.

(laughs evilly)

YOU'LL BE TALKING SOON,
MR. TURKEY! OH, YES.

(laughs evilly)

(imitating French accent)
RIGHT INTO ZE HOT FAT.

ALL THE WAY DOWN TO THE BOTTOM
UNTIL YOU FEEL IT BOTTOM OUT,

AND THEN I LIKE TO BRING IT
JUST UP A LITTLE BIT

SO WE MAKE SURE
THAT NOTHING STICKS. THERE.

NOW WE TIE OFF AGAIN.

USING THE SAME CLEATING KNOT.

AND REASSEMBLE THE THERMOMETER.

NOW I'M GONNA LET THE HEAT
STAY ON HIGH

UNTIL WE REACH 350 DEGREES.

NOW SET YOUR TIMER
TO 30 MINUTES,

AND THEN GO INSIDE
AND WATCH SOME TV, RIGHT?

NO! YOU STAY PUT!

DRINK YOUR BEVERAGE!


DRINK YOUR BEVERAGE!

¶

ONCE THE COOKING
IS ABOUT HALF OVER,

THE OIL TEMPERATURE WILL START
TO ROCKET UPWARD

BECAUSE THERE'S LESS MOISTURE
COOKING OUT OF THE TURKEY

TO COOL IT DOWN.

SO WATCH YOUR THERMOMETER

AND ADJUST THE FLAME
ACCORDINGLY.

IF YOU DON'T, THE OIL COULD
CROSS OVER THE 400 DEGREE LINE,

AND THAT WOULD BE A BAD THING
'CAUSE IT CREATES NASTY FLAVORS

AND, WELL, HOT OIL
SOMETIMES CATCHES FIRE.

WATCH IT.

(timer beeping)

TIME'S UP. NOW BY THIS POINT
IN THE PROCESS,

YOU'LL PROBABLY PLENTY
OF BYSTANDERS AROUND

WANTING TO HELP YOU
EXTRACT YOUR POULTRY.

DO NOT ALLOW THEM
INSIDE THE DERRICK PERIMETER.

IF YOU GO IN THERE ALONE,
YOU'LL KNOW THAT NO ONE'S AROUND

IN THE UNLIKELY EVENT
OF A HOISTING MISHAP.

SORRY, BIG GUY.

(grunts)

NOW IN THE END, WE'RE GONNA
BE LOOKING FOR 161 DEGREES,

WHICH, REMEMBER,
ABOUT 10 DEGREES OF THAT

SHOULD BE FROM CARRYOVER.

SO WE'RE
LOOKING FOR 151,

AND THERE'S ONLY ONE WAY
TO FIND IT.

YOU'RE GONNA FEEL
A LITTLE STICK.

(grunts)

AND...OH, 151.
THAT SHOULD DO NICELY.

TRY ONE IN A THIGH...
GOOD. GOOD.

ONE AT THE TOP OF THE BREAST...
EXCELLENT.

NOW WE'RE GONNA LET CARRYOVER
DO THE REST OF THE JOB HERE,

SO I'M GONNA PUT THE LID
ON THIS POT.

WELL, ACTUALLY, I'M GONNA
LET IT KIND OF DRAIN OUT

FOR A FEW MINUTES JUST TO GET
THE REST OF THE EXCESS OIL OUT,

AND THEN WE'LL PUT ON THE LID.

SET YOUR TIMER FOR 30 MINUTES.
NO CHEATING.

(timer beeps)

WHEN IT'S TIME
TO DISMOUNT YOUR TURKEY,

JUST LOWER IT ONTO THE LID

THAT IS ON TOP OF YOUR POT
AND REMOVE.

NOW REMEMBER, ALTHOUGH
THE HEAT'S BEEN OFF ON THAT OIL

FOR A GOOD HALF HOUR,
IT IS STILL PLENTY HOT,

SO BE CAREFUL.

REMOVE YOUR
CARABINER-LIKE DEVICE

AND GET YOURSELF SOMETHING

THAT'LL MAKE IT EASIER
TO PICK UP THAT LIFTER.

I THINK A NICE HEAVY-DUTY
COAT HANGER DOES THE JOB

VERY NICELY, INDEED.

WELL, THERE WE HAVE IT.

A BEAUTIFUL FRIED TURKEY
DELIVERED SAFELY TO THE TABLE

IN JUST OVER AN HOUR.

OH, I KNOW THERE'S THE BRINING
TIME TO BE CONSIDERED,

BUT, COME ON, YOU'RE GONNA
BRINE THE TURKEY NO MATTER

HOW YOU COOK IT, RIGHT?

OH, AND REMEMBER THIS GUY?

YOU THOUGHT IT WAS A UNITASKER?
I THINK NOT.

OH, AND AS FOR THE OIL,
DON'T WORRY ABOUT THE OIL.

ONCE IT COOLS DOWN,

YOU CAN FILTER IT
THROUGH SOME CHEESE CLOTH

AND USE IT ONE MORE TIME
FOR FRYING,

OR--IT'S BIODEGRADABLE.

JUST GO POUR IT UP
IN THE CORNER OF THE YARD.

IT'S NOT A PROBLEM.

MAYBE POUR IT IN YOUR NEIGHBOR'S
YARD. THAT MIGHT BE A PROBLEM.

WELL, SOME COMMUNITY CENTERS
ARE STARTING TO ACCEPT IT

BECAUSE IT CAN BE CONVERTED
INTO BIODIESELS,

SO NOT ONLY ARE YOU DOING
YOURSELF A CULINARY FAVOR

BY FRYING YOUR TURKEY,
YOU'RE DOING THE WORLD A FAVOR.

SEE YOU NEXT TIME
ON "GOOD EATS."

Captioning provided by
Scripps Networks, Inc.

Captioned by
Closed Captioning Services, Inc.

(grunting)