Good Eats (1999–2012): Season 10, Episode 13 - Fry Turkey Fry - full transcript

LET'S SEE HERE. WHAT DO WE GOT?

ANCHOVIES.

NO. THEY'RE NOT READY.

OH, GUMMY BEARS.

NO. I'M NOT READY.

CHIPPED BEEF--6 YEARS OLD.

HA, NOBODY'S READY.

IT'S TIME FOR ANOTHER
PANTRY-RAID EPISODE.

AND THIS TIME OUT,

I REALLY WANT TO CHAMPION
AN UNDERDOG, YOU KNOW?

AN INGREDIENT THAT, DESPITE
UNPARALLELED VERSATILITY,



STELLAR NUTRITION
AND GREAT FLAVORS,

HAS BEEN REPEATEDLY PASSED OVER

FOR PANTRY PROMOTION.

WHAT'S THIS?

LENTILS. HEY, THAT'S GOOD.

IT'S PERFECT.

YOU KNOW,
LENTILS ARE THE VICTIMS

OF A CENTURIES-LONG
SMEAR CAMPAIGN.

LENTILS?
OF COURSE, I EAT LENTILS,

BUT THEN I AM
ABOVE PLANETARY INDULGENCES.

LENTILS? YOU MEAN
THOSE LITTLE GREEN THINGS

THEY PACK THE STATUES IN?
I NEVER TOUCH THOSE!

LENTILS ARE DIFFICULT TO DIGEST,

PRONE TO ENFLAMING THE STOMACH



AND THE LEADING CAUSE
OF BAD EYESIGHT AND NIGHTMARES.

(French accent)
I DO NOT LIKE THEM.

OH, DO NOT LISTEN TO HIM.
LENTILS ARE WONDERFUL.

SILLY LOUIS DOESN'T KNOW
WHAT HE'S SAYING.

PLEASE, MARIE, I'M THE KING.

YEP. LENTILS HAVE HAD IT
ROUGH THROUGH THE AGES.

THAT'S BECAUSE ALL TOO OFTEN
THEY'RE ASSOCIATED WITH POVERTY,

BUT BELIEVE ME, WHETHER IT'S
HARD TIMES OR HIGH COTTON,

LENTILS DESERVE A SPOT--

NAY--AN ENTIRE SHELF
IN THE PANTRY,

BECAUSE THEY'RE
NOT JUST GOOD FOR YOU.

THEY'RE...

¶ GOOD EATS ¶

Captioning provided by
Scripps Networks, Inc.

Captioned by
Closed Captioning Services, Inc.

BEHOLD THE LENTIL,
"LENS CULINARIS."

ONE MIGHT ASSUME
THAT THE LENSLIKE SHAPE

INSPIRED THE NAME,

BUT IT'S ACTUALLY
THE OTHER WAY AROUND.

THIS CRITTER'S MONIKER
ACTUALLY INSPIRED

THE NAME OF THE DEVICE
THAT I AM LOOKING THROUGH,

AS WELL AS THE ONE
THAT YOU'RE LOOKING THROUGH.

LIKE PEAS AND BEANS,
LENTILS ARE LEGUMES,

BUT THEY'VE GOT ONE
REALLY BIG ADVANTAGE

OVER THE OTHER MEMBERS
OF THE FAMILY,

AND THAT IS
THAT THEY COOK VERY QUICKLY

DUE TO THEIR UNUSUAL SHAPE.

NOW LENTILS COME
IN MANY SIZES AND COLORS.

WHY?

WELL, I HATE TO ADMIT THIS,
BUT I'M NOT A--

I'M NOT A--I'M NOT A--
NO! I CAN'T SAY IT!

OH...
NUTRITIONAL
ANTHROPOLOGIST.

ONE OF THESE DAYS I'M
GONNA GET A COURT ORDER.

GO AHEAD.

LENTILS COME IN SO MANY
SHAPES AND COLORS

BECAUSE THEY'VE
BEEN AROUND SO LONG.

IT WAS ONE OF THE EARLIEST CROPS
DOMESTICATED IN MESOPOTAMIA,

MORE THAN 8,000 YEARS AGO.

OKAY, WHAT DOES THAT
HAVE TO DO WITH COLOR?

WELL, IN THE WILD, IT GROWS
IN DIFFERENT COLORS,

BUT AS IT SPREAD AROUND
EUROPE, ASIA AND AFRICA,

PEOPLE SELECTED CERTAIN
COLORS THAT THEY LIKED,

AND THAT'S THE ONES
THEY CULTIVATED.

SO ANY FAVORITE VARIETIES?

I'M A BIG FAN OF DAL.

AH. WELL, THERE IS THE SEGUE
TO THE VARIETY DISCUSSION.

NOW "DAL," OR "MASOOR DAL,"

REFERS TO THE INDIAN
SPLIT RED LENTIL.

THEY'RE VERY GOOD
AT SOAKING UP MOISTURE,

AND, THEREFORE,
VERY POPULAR IN SOUPS.

DAL, BY THE WAY, IS
HINDI FOR "SPLIT LENTIL."

THE WHOLE VERSION
IS CALLED "GRAM."

NOW OTHER VARIETIES YOU ARE
PROBABLY GONNA RUN INTO--

THE GOOD OLD GREEN LENTIL,

WHICH TENDS TO GET MUSHY
IF OVERCOOKED,

BUT IT'S STILL AN EXTREMELY
VERSATILE PANTRY STAPLE.

HERE WE HAVE SOME FLAVORFUL
EUROPEAN VARIETIES--

SPANISH "PARDINAS"
AND ITALIAN "USTICAS,"

WHICH ARE VERY, VERY SMALL,

BUT THEY HOLD THEIR
SHAPE WELL WHEN COOKED,

SO WHEN YOU EAT THEM THEY'RE
KINDA LIKE, I DON'T KNOW,

KIND OF LIKE EATING CAVIAR.
OOH, HERE'S SOMETHIN' SPECIAL.

THESE ARE CALLED--
HEY, WHAT THE...?!

WHAT'S WITH THE MANHANDLING?
COME ON!

(French accent)
AH, WHAT EES ZEES?

AH, "VERTES du PUY."

RENOWNED SPECIALTY
OF THE HAUTE-LOIRE
REGION OF FRANCE,

WHERE THE VOLCANIC SOIL
AND IDEAL CLIMATE

GROW ZE PERFECT LENTIL.

WHO ARE YOU GUYS?
THIS IS NONE
OF YOUR CONCERN.

DO YOU SEE ZIS SEAL?
YEAH, I SEE IT.

ZEEZ LENTILS WERE
ZE FIRST VEGETABLE

TO BE GRANTED "APPELLATION
d'ORIGINE CONTRôLéE"
CERTIFICATION.

DO YOU KNOW
WHAT ZIS MEANS?
WELL, SURE.

IT MEANS THAT ONLY
LENTILS FROM PUY

GET TO SAY
THEY'RE FROM PUY.

YOU GUYS DO THAT
WITH KINDS OF THINGS.

WE MUST PROTECT
OUR CULINARY HERITAGE.

YEAH, AND YOUR MARKETING
OPTIONS, TOO, HUH?

WE'RE NOT SURE YOU DESERVE
SUCH AN INGREDIENT.

DO YOU HAVE
ANY REFERENCES?

(mocking accent)
REFERENCES? NO, I DON'T
HAVE ANY REFERENCES!

I--I HAVE
A COOKING SHOW.

AH, DO YOU KNOW
THE CHAIRMAN?

ALLEZ CUISINE!
ALLEZ CUISINE!

YEAH. I--I--WHO DO YOU
THINK TAUGHT HIM ALL
THOSE MOVES, HUH?

THEN YOU MAY HAVE ALL--

NO, DEUX PACKAGES
OF ZEES FINE LENTILS

BUT NO SUBSTITUTIONS.

WE'LL BE WATCHING.

LES GOONS, ALLEZ.
HEY, WATCH IT.

(frustrated sigh)

¶

NOW UNLESS YOU REALLY,
REALLY LIKE YOUR DENTIST,

THE FIRST THING YOU SHOULD
DO WHEN COOKING LENTILS

IS YOU SHOULD CHECK FOR PEBBLES.

EVEN THE MOST SECURE
PROCESSING FACILITY

WILL OCCASIONALLY LET
A LITTLE LENTIL LOOK-ALIKE,

AH, SLIP THROUGH, BUT THIS
LOOKS GOOD OTHERWISE.

NOW NEXT WE NEED TO GIVE
OUR LENTILS A RINSE.

THEY'RE VERY
OFTEN COVERED IN DUST,

ESPECIALLY IF THEY
ARE ORGANIC IN NATURE.

NOW LET'S SEE, I'VE GOT
A POUND OF LENTILS HERE.

THAT'S 2 1/2 CUPS,

AND THAT IS GOING TO BE GOOD
FOR SIX TO EIGHT SERVINGS

AS A SIDE DISH.

I THINK THIS TIME WE WILL
GO WITH A STRAIGHTFORWARD,

BASIC COOKING PROCEDURE.

SO PLACE THE LENTILS
ALONG WITH...

...INTO A LARGE
6-QUART SAUCEPAN,

AND COVER WITH WATER
BY 2 TO 3 INCHES.

PUT THIS OVER HIGH HEAT.

NOW IF YOU'VE BEEN
PAYING ATTENTION,

YOU HAVE NO DOUBT NOTICED

THAT OUR LENTILS WENT
DIRECTLY INTO THE COOKING POT

WITHOUT THE TRADITIONAL
DRY-LEGUME PRESOAK.

INDEED, LENTILS ARE HAPPY

TO GO DIRECTLY FROM PANTRY TO
THE HOT WATER FOR TWO REASONS.

ONE--THEY HAVE A VERY THIN SKIN,

WHICH MAKES
FOR FAST LIQUID ABSORPTION,

BUT EVEN MORE IMPORTANT
IS THE LENSLIKE SHAPE,

WHICH INCREASES THE OVERALL
SURFACE-TO-MASS RATIO,

MEANING THAT THE LIQUID
HAS A SHORTER TRIP

TO GET INTO THE CENTER
OF THE DEVICE.

END OF LECTURE.

(Alton)
ONCE THE LENTILS
REACH A ROLLING BOIL,

REDUCE THE HEAT TO LOW, COVER,

AND SIMMER UNTIL THEY ARE
TENDER, 25 TO 30 MINUTES.

¶

AND NOW WE DRAIN.

THERE'S NOT GONNA BE
A WHOLE LOT OF LIQUID,

BUT THERE WILL BE A LITTLE BIT,
AND WE NEED TO GET RID OF IT.

YOU MAY ALSO WANT TO FISH OUT

THE LARGE PIECES OF ONION

AND, OF COURSE, THE SALT PORK,

WHICH IS STILL
HIDING IN HERE SOMEPLACE.

THERE WE GO.

NOW ONCE THE LENTILS COOL DOWN,

YOU CAN JUST ADD A LITTLE SALT
AND PEPPER AND EAT THEM AS IS,

OR YOU CAN LET THEM COOL,

AND WE'LL DO SOME
OTHER CREATIVE THINGS.

AS FOR THE LEFTOVERS,

WELL, YOU CERTAINLY
WOULDN'T WANT TO WASTE THEM.

WE'LL GIVE THEM TO THE DOG.
HERE YOU GO, GIRL. (whistles)

(barking and snarling)

THEY LOVE THE SALT PORK.
THAT'S WHAT IT IS.

UM, LET'S CONTEMPLATE
A SALAD DRESSING FOR THIS, OKAY?

(growling)
OW, OW, OH!

BEGIN WITH...

TO THAT WE WILL WHISK IN...

MORE HERBS IN THE FORM OF...

AND LAST,
BUT BY NO MEANS LEAST...

NOW IF THAT WEREN'T
ALREADY GOOD ENOUGH,

WE WILL NOW ADD ONE FULL RECIPE

OF OUR LENTILS

AND TOSS TO COMBINE.

THIS CAN EITHER BE SERVED
WARM OR AT ROOM TEMPERATURE.

MMM. MM-MM-MM.

MMM, DELICIOUS,

REALLY DELICIOUS.

NOW I HAVE BEEN DOING A GOOD
BIT OF LENTIL RESEARCH,

AND I HAVE FOUND
THAT 98% OF ALL THE LENTILS

THAT ARE GROWN
IN THE UNITED STATES

COME FROM A TINY PATCH
OF FERTILE, VOLCANIC SOIL

IN THE PACIFIC NORTHWEST,

AN AREA CALLED THE PALOUSE,
I BELIEVE IS HOW YOU SAY IT.

"ORIGINALLY GROWN THERE

AS A MEANS OF FEEDING
A LOCAL POPULATION

OF MOSTLY VEGETARIAN
SEVENTH-DAY ADVENTISTS."

NOW THIS MAKES SENSE
WHEN YOU CONSIDER

THE NUTRITIONAL POWER
OF THE LENTIL--

HIGH IN FIBER, LOW IN FAT,
GOOD SOURCE OF E VITAMINS,

FOLATE, MAGNESIUM, POTASSIUM.

THEY'RE EASY TO DIGEST,

MEANING THAT THEY DON'T
PRODUCE AS MUCH GASSY BY-PRODUCT

AS OTHER LEGUMES,

AND, OF COURSE,
THERE'S THE PROTEIN.

OF ALL THE EDIBLE PLANTS,
ONLY SOYBEANS CONTAIN MORE.

WHAT'S THE BIG DEAL
ABOUT PROTEIN?

WELL, HEY, YOU REMEMBER
MY NEIGHBOR CHUCK, RIGHT?

COME HERE.

CHUCK JUST GOT BACK
FROM A TREKKIE CONVENTION.

SO, CHUCK,
HOW WAS THE BIG SHOW?

LIVE LONG AND PROSPER.
RIGHT BACK AT YA.

GOT A TRIVIA QUESTION
FOR YOU.

WHAT WAS THE NAME OF
THE EPISODE WHERE THERE
WAS THIS CREW MEMBER--

SHE WAS KINDA CUTE,
TOO,

AND SHE GOT
ZAPPED INTO A CUBE,

AND THE GUY THREW THE CUBE ON
THE GROUND AND STAMPED ON IT--

SEASON 2, EPISODE 22,

"BY ANY OTHER NAME,"

AND JULIE COBB PLAYED
THE UNFORTUNATE YEOMAN
IN QUESTION.

SHE WAS CUTE.
HEY, THAT'S COOL.

I DON'T RECOGNIZE THAT.
THAT MUST BE FROM
"THE NEXT GENERATION."

I'M NOT INTO THAT.

(sci-fi sound effects)

ONCE YOU REMOVE THE WATER
FROM THE HUMAN BODY,

ABOUT 75% OF WHAT REMAINS
ARE PROTEINS,

WHICH MAKE UP
A CONSIDERABLE AMOUNT

OF THE STRUCTURE OF THE BODY,

INCLUDING HAIR

AND THE CHEMICALS THAT
ALLOW THE BODY TO OPERATE.

THAT MEANS THAT PROTEINS ARE
BOTH HARDWARE AND SOFTWARE.

NOW PROTEIN IN THE DIET
IS A COMPLEX ISSUE,

BECAUSE NOT ONLY DO WE NEED
ENOUGH OF IT TO BE HEALTHY,

IT'S GOT TO BE
PROPERLY COMPOSED.

SORRY, BIG GUY.

PROTEINS ARE LIKE LONG TRAINS

MADE UP OF MOLECULES
CALLED AMINO ACIDS.

NOW THERE ARE 20 AMINO ACIDS,

AND WHAT
A PARTICULAR PROTEIN DOES

DEPENDS ON WHICH AMINOS
ARE IN IT

AND WHAT THEIR ORDER IS
ALONG THE TRAIN.

NOW OUR BODIES REQUIRE
THOUSANDS OF DIFFERENT PROTEINS

TO OPERATE.

AND SO WHAT HAPPENS IS WHEN
WE CONSUME PROTEIN IN FOOD,

OUR DIGESTIVE SYSTEMS
BREAK DOWN THE AMINO ACIDS

AND REASSEMBLE THEM
INTO THE PROTEIN TRAINS

THAT WE NEED.

NOW THE BODY CAN ALSO
SYNTHESIZE CERTAIN AMINO ACIDS,

BUT THERE ARE NINE KNOWN AS
THE ESSENTIAL AMINO ACIDS,

INCLUDING LYSINE,

WHICH MUST COME FROM
THE OUTSIDE WORLD, i.e. FOOD.

NOW MOST ANIMAL PROTEIN SOURCES,
EGGS AND MEAT, ARE COMPLETE,

MEANING THAT THEY CONTAIN

ALL OF THOSE NINE
ESSENTIAL AMINO ACIDS.

HOWEVER, SOME LEGUMES,
SUCH AS SOYBEANS AND LENTILS,

COME VERY, VERY CLOSE,

BUT WAIT. THERE'S MORE!

THE PROBLEM WITH ANIMAL PROTEINS

IS THAT THEY USUALLY COME WITH
SOME LESS-THAN-HEALTHY BAGGAGE.

FOR INSTANCE, A MERE
6-OUNCE PIECE OF PORTERHOUSE

DELIVERS 38 GRAMS
OF COMPLETE PROTEIN,

ALONG WITH 44 GRAMS OF FAT,

1/3 OF WHICH ARE SATURATED.

A CUP OF COOKED LENTILS,
ON THE OTHER HAND,

DELIVERS 18 GRAMS OF PROTEIN

AND JUST UNDER 1 GRAM OF FAT.

NOW THE PROTEIN HERE ISN'T
QUITE AS COMPLETE AS THE MEAT,

BUT I THINK
THAT IS WAY OVERSHADOWED

BY THE LOW FAT AND HIGH FIBER,

NOT TO MENTION THE FACT

THAT LENTILS ONLY COST
ABOUT A $1.89 A POUND.

¶

WHEN YOU CONSIDER
THEIR FLAVOR, TEXTURE,

COST AND COOKING TIME,
LENTILS MAY BE

JUST THE BEST PLANT-BORN
SOUP BASE ON PLANET EARTH.

WE BEGIN WITH 2 TABLESPOONS
OF OLIVE OIL

GOING INTO A 6-QUART DUTCH OVEN,

OR JUST A LARGE POT,
OVER MEDIUM HEAT.

ON TOP OF THAT, THE MIREPOIX.

THAT IS TWO PARTS
OF CHOPPED ONION,

ONE PART EACH
OF CELERY AND CARROT,

IN THIS CASE, 1 CUP
AND 1/2 CUP RESPECTIVELY.

NOW SINCE THIS IS A SWEAT,

AND WE WANT TO PULL MOISTURE
OUT OF THE FOOD,

WE'LL GO AHEAD AND ADD
2 TEASPOONS OF KOSHER SALT.

WE'RE GONNA LET THIS SWEAT UNTIL
THE ONIONS ARE TRANSLUCENT,

SIX TO SEVEN MINUTES.

IF THE VEGETABLES
START TO BROWN,

YOU HAVE
GOT TO BACK OFF THE HEAT.

¶

¶

AND NOW WE ADD
THE REMAINING SOFTWARE...

WHICH HAVE BEEN
SORTED AND RINSED...

YOU CAN USED CANNED
IN A PINCH AND THE SPICES.

WE'RE GONNA GO WITH...

AND IF YOU REALLY
WANT TO UP THE FLAVOR,

YOU'LL COMBINE THEM AND TOAST
THEM IN A PAN BEFORE GRINDING.

AND THEN,
AN OPTIONAL INGREDIENT,

BUT ONE THAT I LIKE
VERY MUCH--A 1/2 TEASPOON

OF FRESHLY GROUND
GRAINS OF PARADISE.

MMM, NICE. THEN WE FOLLOW THAT

WITH 2 QUARTS OF EITHER
CHICKEN OR VEGETABLE BROTH.

HOMEMADE WOULD BE BEST, BUT IT'S
NOT ABSOLUTELY NECESSARY.

(ringing phone)

JUST A SECOND. OH, EXCUSE ME.

HELLO? OH, HI.

OH, YES, CHEF.

HA. OH, I KNOW IT'S NOT VERY
COMMON IN AMERICAN KITCHENS,

BUT--NO, SIR,
IT'S NOT ROCKET SCIENCE,

BUT WHO HAD EVER HEARD OF
CAYENNE PEPPER BEFORE YOU?

YES, CHEF. I WILL, CHEF.

"BAM" TO YOU, TOO, SIR.

I'VE BEEN ASKED TO TAKE A MOMENT

TO DISCUSS GRAINS OF PARADISE,

A SPICE THAT I ADMIT IS NOT VERY
COMMON IN AMERICAN KITCHENS,

BUT IT WILL BE.
(dramatically) IT WILL BE.

MELEGUETA PEPPER, COMMONLY
KNOWN AS GRAINS OF PARADISE,

HAILS FROM TROPICAL WEST AFRICA

AND IS CULTIVATED
PRIMARILY IN GHANA.

THE SMALL RED-BROWN SEEDS,

WHICH COME FROM THE WRINKLED
POD OF A REEDY COUSIN OF GINGER

WERE ESPECIALLY
POPULAR AS A SPICE

FROM THE TIME OF
ELIZABETH I TO GEORGE III.

INTERESTINGLY ENOUGH,

THE NAME COMES
FROM AN OLD PORTUGUESE WORD

MEANING "JELLYFISH."

EVER SINCE DISCOVERING
SEVERAL SOURCES ON THE INTERNET

FOR GRAINS OF PARADISE,

I HAVE FOUND MYSELF GRINDING
IT ONTO AND INTO MANY DISHES

INSTEAD OF BLACK PEPPER.

I EVEN HAVE A GRINDER
SET ASIDE JUST FOR IT.

MWAH.

AH, ONCE THE LIQUID
COMES TO A BOIL,

REDUCE THE HEAT TO LOW,
COVER AND SIMMER

UNTIL THE LENTILS
ARE JUST TENDER.

IT'S GONNA
TAKE 35 TO 40 MINUTES,

WHICH ISN'T BAD
FOR A DRIED LEGUME.

¶

TIME FOR THE DONENESS TEST.

AH, HOT.

WELL, THEY CERTAINLY LOOK DONE,
BUT DO THEY TASTE DONE?

MMM.

PERFECT CONSISTENCY--THEY DON'T
FALL APART IN YOUR MOUTH,

GOTTA KINDA CHEW 'EM
A LITTLE BIT.

NOW AT THIS POINT, YOU HAVE
A TEXTURAL DECISION TO MAKE.

YOU COULD CERTAINLY
LEAVE THE SOUP AS IS,

AND IF I WAS GONNA FREEZE
THIS FOR LONG-TERM STORAGE,

I WOULD LEAVE IT AS IS,

BUT I LIKE A LITTLE BIT
OF A THICKER LIQUID,

SO I'M GOING
TO HIT IT WITH A STICK,

JUST FOR 25 TO 30 SECONDS.

MMM, I GOTTA TELL YOU,

WE HAVE DONE OUR FAIR SHARE
OF SOUPS ON THIS PROGRAM

THROUGH THE YEARS.

THIS IS MY ABSOLUTE FAVORITE,

ESPECIALLY WITH A LITTLE YOGURT
AND SOME FRESH HERBAGE ON THERE.

NOW I KNOW YOU, AND I
KNOW WHAT YOU'RE THINKING.

YOU'RE THINKING SOUPS
ARE GREAT, SALADS ARE FINE,

BUT THE TRUE EARMARK
OF A PANTRY PAL,

A TRUE PANTRY PAL,
IS VERSATILITY.

YOU WANT VERSATILITY?
I'LL GIVE YOU VERSATILITY!

COME ON, FOLLOW ME!

LENTILS ARE VERY GOOD
AT PLAYING, WELL, NOT LENTILS.

FOR INSTANCE THEY'VE LONG
BEEN USED AS A MEAT SUBSTITUTE.

YOU MIGHT EVEN SAY THAT THEY
ARE THE PENITENT MAN'S PROTEIN,

SINCE ANYBODY
WHO COULDN'T AFFORD FISH

USED TO EAT LENTILS DURING LENT.

AND, NO, THE NAMES
ARE NOT RELATED,

THOUGH IT'D REALLY BE COOL
IF THEY WERE.

ANYWAY, WHAT IF I TOLD YOU THAT
LENTILS ALSO WORK AND PLAY WELL

IN THE WORLD OF BAKED GOODS?

INTERESTED? I THOUGHT SO.

FIRST WE PREPARE THE LENTILS.

I'VE GOT 4 OUNCES,

ABOUT 2/3 OF A CUP
OF RED LENTILS HERE,

RINSED, AS ALWAYS.

THEN WE'RE GOING TO ADD
2 CUPS OF WATER TO THAT

IN A SMALL POT.

THEN PUT THAT OVER MEDIUM HEAT.

BRING TO A SIMMER
FOR 30 TO 40 MINUTES,

UNTIL THE LENTILS
ARE JUST BARELY TENDER.

ONCE THEY'RE COOKED, WE WILL
REMOVE FROM THE HEAT AND PURéE.

THERE, NICE AND SMOOTH.

LET THAT COOL DOWN

WHILE YOU ASSEMBLE
THE REST OF YOUR SOFTWARE.

OH, BY THE WAY, IF YOU'RE
NOT GOING TO COOK RIGHT AWAY,

YOU CAN REFRIGERATE THIS
FOR FOUR TO FIVE DAYS.

OR, OF COURSE, YOU COULD FREEZE
IT FOR TWO TO THREE MONTHS TOPS.

AND NOW IT IS TIME
TO FAMILIARIZE OURSELVES

WITH THE LENTIL, BAKED-GOOD,
DRY-INGREDIENT TEAM.

IT BEGINS WITH...

NOW YOU'LL NOTICE
THERE IS FLOUR, INDEED...

THAT IS ABOUT 2 CUPS. NOW PASTRY
FLOUR IS IMPORTANT HERE,

BECAUSE IT HAS A SLIGHTLY
LOWER PROTEIN CONTENT

THAN ALL-PURPOSE FLOUR.

LESS PROTEIN,
MORE TENDER BAKED GOOD.

WHAT IS IT? I'M NOT
TELLING YOU YET. CREAMING!

¶

ASSEMBLY BEGINS THUSLY.
WE HAVE...

THAT'S A STICK AND A HALF,
UNSALTED, PLEASE,

GOES INTO THE MIXER.

WE'LL CREAM THAT
WITH 8 OUNCES OF SUGAR.

THAT'S A CUP--PLAIN,
OLD, GRANULATED STUFF.

WE GO WITH MEDIUM SPEED.

NOW THIS IS A VERY,
VERY, VERY IMPORTANT STEP,

AND IT'S CALLED CREAMING, AND
IT'S NOT VERY WELL UNDERSTOOD.

WHAT'S HAPPENING HERE
THAT'S REALLY IMPORTANT

IS THAT THE SUGAR
GRANULES ARE LITERALLY

RIPPING LITTLE HOLES
INTO THE BUTTER,

AND THAT IS CREATING
LITTLE MICRO BUBBLES.

THAT WILL DETERMINE THE FINAL
TEXTURE OF OUR BAKED GOOD,

AND I'M NOT GONNA
TELL YOU WHAT THAT IS YET.

SO LET THIS WORK FOR A FEW
MINUTES UNTIL IT LOOKS LIKE...

LIKE THIS. THAT IS
THE PERFECT CONSISTENCY.

WHEN YOU RUB IT
BETWEEN YOUR FINGERS,

YOU SHOULDN'T EVEN REALLY
FEEL ANY SUGAR ANYMORE.

NOW WE CONTINUE WITH...

NOW VANILLA EXTRACT,
2 TEASPOONS.

I LIKE TO USE THE GOOD STUFF,

BUT IN BAKED GOODS,
IMITATION WORKS, TOO.

AND NOW THE LENTILS,

AND THIS IS ONE WHOLE RECIPE
THAT WE JUST DID.

IT'S A CUP AND A HALF.

WHEN THE LENTILS
ARE THOROUGHLY INTEGRATED,

WE'LL ADD THE DRY GOODS.

AND I LIKE TO USE JUST
A PAPER PLATE FOR THIS,

A LITTLE EASIER TO DOSE.

YOU GO WITH THREE DOSES.

YOU MIGHT HAVE TO TURN DOWN
THE SPEED JUST A LITTLE BIT,

SO EVERYTHING DOESN'T
FLY ALL OVER THE KITCHEN.

TWO...

THREE.
NOW DEPENDING ON YOUR MIXER,

YOU MAY NEED TO STOP
AND SCRAPE DOWN THE EDGES.

THIS LOOKS PRETTY GOOD.

NOW THE REST OF THE SOFTWARE...

LAST STEP, INTEGRATE
THE CHUNKIES. WE HAVE...

IN THAT GOES. NOW ONCE
YOU'VE GOT THIS STIRRED IN,

YOU COULD REFRIGERATE THIS
COVERED FOR A COUPLE OF DAYS,

OR HEAT
YOUR HOT BOX AT 375 DEGREES,

BEING CERTAIN
TO HAVE THREE RACKS

EVENLY DISTRIBUTED
THROUGHOUT THE BOX.

THEN GET YOURSELF THREE
SHEET PANS OR COOKIE SHEETS,

LINE THEM WITH PARCHMENT PAPER,

AND THEN DOSE OUT YOUR DOUGH
INTO 1 1/4 INCH BALLS,

EITHER MEASURING WITH
A COMPLICATED DEVICE LIKE THIS

OR SIMPLY DOSING THEM OUT WITH
A 2-TEASPOON DISHER LIKE THIS.

THEN...

BAKE FOR 15 TO 17 MINUTES

OR UNTIL THE INTERNAL
TEMPERATURE OF THE COOKIES

HITS 195 DEGREES.

NOW ADMIT IT,

YOU GUYS NEVER THOUGHT
OF LENTIL COOKIES.

IF IT IS FOOD, WE
HAVE THOUGHT OF IT.
YEAH, WHATEVER.

HEY, CHUCK, HOW'RE
YOU FEELIN' DOWN
THERE, BUDDY?

OKAY, CAPTAIN. THESE
COOKIES ARE DOIN' ME
A LOT OF GOOD.

WHAT PLANET
ARE YOU GUYS FROM?

WE ARE FROM FRANCE!
HUNH-HUNH-HUNH!
HUNH-HUNH-HUNH!

THERE MAY NOT
BE ANY SUCH THING
AS DILITHIUM CRYSTALS,

BUT...
AGH! LIAR!

BUT GIVEN THEIR
NUTRITIONAL POWER,

YOU COULD THINK
OF LENTILS AS--

YOUR NAME IS CHUCK,
AS IN NORRIS?

CHUCK TO SCOTTY.
CHUCK TO SPOCK.
CHUCK TO CHEKOV.

WHY AM I HAVING
THIS CONVERSATION?

LOOK, FOLKS, IF THEY'RE
NOT ALREADY THERE,

LENTILS DESERVE
A PLACE IN YOUR PANTRY.

HISTORICALLY SIGNIFICANT,
NUTRITIONALLY MAGNIFICENT,

LENTILS ARE VERSATILE,
EASY TO PREPARE

AND DARN TASTY.

WHO WOULDN'T LOVE A VEGETABLE

THAT CAN BE
TURNED INTO A COOKIE

WITHOUT ANYONE
BEING ANY THE WISER?

THAT'S SNEAKY EATS,
AS WELL AS GOOD EATS.

SEE YOU NEXT TIME.