Good Eats (1999–2012): Season 1, Episode 3 - The Egg-Files - full transcript

ZEN-LIKE, IN SIMPLICITY
AND COMPLEXITY ALIKE,

THE EGG POSSESSES THE
MOST POTENT POWERS

IN THE KITCHEN UNIVERSE.

THIS MILD-MANNERED, RETRO-
LOOKING CARRYING CASE

HOUSES A DYNAMIC DUO OF
CULINARY SUPERHEROES--

THE YOLK AND THE WHITE.

BOTH AMAZING IN THEIR OWN
RIGHTS, PUT 'EM TOGETHER,

AND YOU'VE JUST GOT
PLAIN DYNAMITE.

BUT DO WE REALLY TAP THIS
WELLSPRING OF GOODNESS?

DO WE USE ALL THE BLADES ON
THIS EDIBLE SWISS ARMY KNIFE,

CAPABLE OF CHANGING MERE
LIQUIDS INTO CUSTARD,



OF LEAPING TALL SOUFFLé
DISHES IN A SINGLE BREATH?

OR HAVE WE EVEN FORGOTTEN
THE SIMPLE PLEASURES

OF A PERFECT PLATE OF SCRAMBLED?

JOIN US FOR AN INVESTIGATION
WE CALL "THE EGG-FILES."

WE'RE GONNA PURSUE A
HIGHER UNDERSTANDING

OF THIS UBIQUITOUS OVOID.

WE'RE GONNA EVALUATE THE
HARDWARE AND IMPLEMENT

THE PROCEDURES NECESSARY TO
ENSURE ITS PROPER COOKING.

STICK AROUND, 'CAUSE
IN HERE, "GOOD EATS."

♪

THE CHICKEN, IT'S BEEN SAID,

IS JUST AN EGG'S WAY
OF MAKING MORE EGGS.

AND SINCE SHE CAN GRIND OUT
ONE ABOUT EVERY 25 HOURS,

THE FEMALE GALLUS
DOMESTICUS HERE



COULD BE CONSIDERED AN EGG
FACTORY--NO ROOSTER NECESSARY.

AND SINCE SHE'S AN
ACCUMULATIVE LAYER,

AS LONG AS SOMEBODY KEEPS TAKIN'
'EM, SHE'LL KEEP MAKIN' 'EM--

365 DAYS A YEAR, NO
LAMAZE, NO EPIDURAL!

NOW THAT'S DEDICATION!

SORRY, I GET A
LITTLE CARRIED AWAY.

NOW THE EGG'S
SOPHISTICATED DESIGN

STEMS FROM ITS
INTENDED FUNCTION,

AS BOTH FOOD AND SHELTER.

IN THE CENTER, THE YOLK,
PURE NOURISHMENT,

HIGH IN FAT, MINERALS,
VITAMINS... IT'S GOT IT ALL.

THE WHITE PROVIDES
PHYSICAL SUPPORT AND BACTERIAL PROTECTION,

AS WELL AS SALTS,
PROTEIN AND LIQUID.

THE SHELL, A TOUGH YET,
POROUS SUIT OF ARMOR,

CAPABLE OF SUPPORTING EVEN
THE MOST MATRONLY OF HENS.

NOW SOPHISTICATED,
THOUGH IT MAY BE,

THE EGG DOESN'T JUST POP OUT OF
THE CHICKEN AND INTO A CARTON.

IN PROCESSING PLANTS
LIKE THIS ONE,

EGGS ARE BATHED, SANITIZED,
DRIED AND THEN CANDLED.

USED TO BE A PROSPECTIVE BUYER

WOULD HOLD AN EGG UP TO A
CANDLE OR SOME OTHER FLAME

TO TAKE A LOOK AT WHAT
WAS GOIN' ON INSIDE.

A TRAINED EYE CAN ALWAYS SPOT
ANOMALIES LIKE BLOOD SPOTS,

OR OVERLARGE AIR SACKS OR
EVEN HAIRLINE FRACTURES,

STUFF LIKE THAT.

TODAY, COMPUTERS DO
MOST OF THE WORK,

BUT IT STILL TAKES A
TRAINED HUMAN EYE

TO SPOT CERTAIN PROBLEMS.

THE EGGS THAT DO PASS THE
SCRUTINY OF MAN AND MACHINE

PASS OVER A JET OF AIR THAT
ACTUALLY WEIGHS THEM,

AND THEN THE COMPUTER
SENDS THEM OFF TO THEIR RESPECTIVE CONTAINERS.

NOW EGG GRADING IS A
VOLUNTARY PROCESS.

BUT JUST BECAUSE IT'S
VOLUNTARY DOESN'T MEAN THAT

IT'S FREE--IT ISN'T.

AS A MATTER OF FACT,
PROCESSORS PAY BIG BUCKS

FOR THE UNITED STATES GOVERNMENT

TO COME IN AND DO
THE GRADING FOR THEM.

THIS IS INSPECTOR SULLENS
WITH THE UNITED STATES DEPARTMENT OF AGRICULTURE.

WHAT'S THE STORY?

WHAT I DO IS JUST
A HAND TECHNIQUE.

I'M SPINNING
THE INTERIOR,

SO THAT I CAN DETECT ANY
DEFECTS INSIDE THE EGG.

SO WHAT ARE THE
DIFFERENT GRADES OF EGGS?

THERE IS DOUBLE-A
EGGS, A-GRADE EGGS, AND B-GRADE EGGS.

SO WHAT'S THE DIFFERENCE,
BETWEEN SAY, A DOUBLE-A AND AN A?

DOUBLE-A EGGS ARE
YOUR FRESHEST EGGS.

THE WHITE IS MORE FIRM,

STANDS UP WHEN
BROKEN OUT.

THE YOLK IS ROUNDER.
THEY'RE PERKIER.

IT'S A PERKY EGG.

SO WHAT'S THE DIFFERENCE
BETWEEN, SAY, A DOUBLE-A AND AN A?

MAINLY ITS AGE.

A-GRADE IS JUST
A LITTLE OLDER.

SO I GUESS SOMEBODY
COULD BUY A DOUBLE-A EGG, TAKE IT HOME,

LET IT SIT IN THE
REFRIGERATOR FOR A FEW WEEKS,

AND IT WOULD AGE
INTO AN A, RIGHT? YES.

WHAT ABOUT A
B-GRADE EGG?

IT'S GOOD AND CLEAN
ON THE OUTSIDE,

BUT WHEN TWIRLED IN
FRONT OF THE LIGHT, WHAT'S THAT SHADOW?

THAT'S THE YOLK.

AND THE REASON YOU SEE
THE YOLK THAT PLAIN

IS BECAUSE THE WHITE
HAS BROKEN DOWN.

SO WHEN YOU PUT THAT
OUT INTO YOUR PAN OR ONTO A PLATE,

IT'S JUST GONNA RUN
OUT ALL OVER THE PLACE. IT'S GONNA RUN OUT, YES.

♪

A ROOM-TEMPERATURE EGG
AGES MORE IN ONE DAY

THAN A REFRIGERATED
EGG AGES IN A WEEK.

SO KEEPING THIS BOX AT OR A
LITTLE BELOW 40 DEGREES

WILL HELP WHAT'S IN THIS
BOX STAY FRESHER LONGER.

BUT DON'T KEEP YOUR EGGS
IN THOSE LITTLE SLOTTY THINGS IN THE DOOR.

THE DOOR SPENDS TO MUCH
TIME WAGGING AROUND

IN HOT KITCHEN AIR.

AND SHELF BINS, LIKE THE
ONES THAT COME WITH YOUR REFRIGERATOR,

PROMOTE DRYING AND BREAKAGE.

SO KEEP FRESH EGGS
IN THEIR OWN CARTON--

IT'S DESIGNED TO HOLD THEM,

AND KEEP IT TOWARDS THE
BACK OF THE SHELF.

OH, AND IF YOU PLAN TO
HARD-COOK YOUR EGGS,

TAKE THE CARTON, PUT A
RUBBER BAND AROUND IT,

AND KEEP IT ON ITS SIDE
FOR AT LEAST 12 HOURS.

THAT WAY THE YOLK WILL STAY
CENTERED IN THE WHITE,

INSTEAD OF SETTLING
OFF TO THE SIDE.

ONCE A UPON A TIME, EGGS WERE
CONSIDERED GERM-FREE ZONES,

PURITY IN A SHELL.

I MEAN, ROCKY DRANK
LIKE A GLASS LOAD,

AND GOT, WHAT, A DOZEN SEQUELS?!

BUT EVER SINCE THAT
GASTROINTESTINAL BAD BOY,

SALMONELLA, SKUNKED HIS
WAY INTO THE HENHOUSE,

WE'VE ALL BECOME DEATHLY AFRAID
OF AN UNDERCOOKED EGG,

BE IT IN MAYONNAISE, HOLLANDAISE
A SOFT-BOILED EGG, OR,

WELL, EGGS OVER EASY.

HECK, MOST RESTAURANTS
WON'T EVEN SERVE EGGS OVER EASY ANYMORE--

TOO MUCH LIABILITY.

AND WHEN THEY DO, WELL, LET'S
JUST SAY WE'RE WORKING

FROM A WHOLE DIFFERENT
CULINARY DICTIONARY.

YOU'RE SOME KIND OF
FOOD COP, AREN'T YA?

I'M AN EPIDEMIOLOGIST...
HOW DID YOU KNOW?

YEAH, YOU GOT
THAT LOOK.

PROBABLY WORK FOR SOME
SHADOWY GOVERNMENTAL AGENCY.

WELL, THE CDC'S NOT
REALLY SHADOWY.

OKAY, SO WHAT'S
WITH EGGS?

A FEW YEARS AGO,
SALMONELLA FIGURED OUT HOW TO GET

INTO THE CHICKEN'S
REPRODUCTIVE SYSTEM.

OH, THIS SOUNDS LIKE
SOME KIND OF TWISTED CONSPIRACY.

LET'S TALK ODDS.
WE FIGURE THAT ABOUT ONE IN TEN

TO ONE IN 20,000 EGGS
ARE INFECTED INTERNALLY WITH SALMONELLA.

SO BASICALLY, I RUN
ABOUT THE SAME RISK OF GETTING SICK

FROM PROPERLY HANDLED
EGGS AS I WOULD, SAY,

GETTING BITTEN BY A
RABID SQUIRREL IN DOWNTOWN DETROIT?

WELL, ONE EGG MAY JUST
CONTAIN A FEW SALMONELLA.

THE PROBLEM COMES IF YOU
POOL A BUNCH OF INFECTED EGGS TOGETHER.

AND THEN IF YOU MISHANDLE
THE SUSPECT EGGS,

HOLD THEM AT TEMPERATURES
CONDUCIVE TO BACTERIAL GROWTH,

OR UNDERCOOK THEM...
SO WE'RE TALKIN' 165 HERE.

WE PREFER TO SAY
170 TO 175.

THAT'S ENOUGH TO TURN
A YOLK INTO A HARD LITTLE RUBBER BALL.

HOW MANY OUTBREAKS
DO YOU SEE FROM HOME COOKING, THOUGH?

WELL, MOST OF OUR
PROBLEMS COME FROM FOOD SERVICE OPERATIONS.

SO WHAT'S YOUR ADVICE?

WELL, WE RECOMMEND THAT
THE ELDERLY, EXPECTANT MOTHERS, THE VERY YOUNG,

AND ANYBODY THAT HAS
A PROBLEM WITH THEIR IMMUNE SYSTEM,

JUST STEER CLEAR OF
OVER EASY, HOMEMADE ICE CREAM,

HOMEMADE HOLLANDAISE
SAUCE, EGGNOG, CLASSIC CAESAR SALAD...

YOU EXPECT LIFE TO
STILL BE WORTH LIVING.

OKAY, THANKS, DOC.

OF COURSE, NOW THE NEWER
RADIATION SYSTEMS

ARE PROMISING THE HEROIC RETURN
OF THE SALMONELLA-FREE EGG

TO A GROCERY STORE NEAR YOU.

IT ONLY SEEMS RIGHT...

TO PRESERVE THE LEGACY OF
THE PROPERLY EASED-OVER EGG.

IT ALL STARTS WITH A
SMALL, NON-STICK SKILLET,

OVER LOW HEAT, A
LITTLE PAT OF BUTTER,

AND WE'LL LET THAT MELT.

NOW YOU COULD USE SOME
OTHER FAT, I ADMIT,

BUT IN THIS CASE, THE
FAT'S NOT REALLY THERE TO PREVENT STICKING...

THE PAN CAN DO THAT BY ITSELF.

IN THIS CASE, IT'S
REALLY THERE FOR FLAVOR,

AND THE FLAVOR OF BUTTER
JUST NATURALLY GOES

WITH THE FLAVOR OF EGG.

THE ONLY OTHER TOOL YOU WANT
TO HAVE HITTING THIS PAN

IS A SPATULA, A RUBBER SPATULA.

IF YOU GET ONE WITH
A RED HANDLE,

THAT USUALLY MEANS THAT
IT'S HEAT PROOF,

WHICH IS THE RIGHT
THING FOR THIS PAN--

NEVER METAL, NEVER ANYTHING
ABRASIVE ON THIS PAN, EVER,

OR IT WILL DO YOU WRONG.

AS SOON AS YOU SEE THE
BUTTER START TO FOAM,

GET YOUR EGGS READY--
THE FRESHER THE BETTER.

JUST CRACK THEM RIGHT
INTO THE PAN.

AND THEN HERE'S
A LITTLE TRICK...

TILT THE PAN.

JUST LIFT THE HANDLE ABOUT
AN INCH OFF OF THE COOKTOP,

AND JUST HOLD IT
THERE FOR A MOMENT,

UNTIL THE OUTER
WHITE STARTS TO SET.

THESE ARE NICE FRESH EGGS... YOU
CAN TELL BY LOOKING AT THEM,

'CAUSE THE YOLKS ARE STANDING
UP SO NICE AND TALL.

LIKE THE HAT?

I'M JUST STARTING TO GET
SOME BUBBLES AROUND THE EDGES,

SO I'M GONNA GO AHEAD AND
EASE THE HANDLE BACK.

MOVING AROUND THE PAN
JUST A LITTLE BIT

AT THIS POINT IS GOOD, BECAUSE
SOME OF THOSE BUBBLES

THAT ARE SLOWLY FORMING
UNDER THE WHITE ARE GONNA WANT TO GET OUT.

AND IF YOU DON'T JIGGLE
THE PAN A LITTLE

TO WORK 'EM OFF TO THE EDGE,

THEY'LL COME STRAIGHT UP
THROUGH THE MIDDLE--TORN WHITE,

UGLY EGG, GAME OVER.

NOW IS A GOOD TIME TO
GO AHEAD AND SEASON.

EGGS NEED SALT, SO I'M
JUST GONNA SPRINKLE ON

A LITTLE BIT OF FINE SEA SALT.

I DON'T USE KOSHER SALT
ON THESE KIND OF EGGS.

AND I ALSO LIKE TO USE A PEPPER
THAT'S A VERY FINE GRIND,

'CAUSE I DON'T WANT TO BITE
INTO ANY BIG CHUNKIES.

THIS MAY BE SIMPLE, BUT
IT ISN'T RUSTIC.

AND I'M REALLY WANTING
TO FLIP THESE,

BUT I'M GOING TO FIGHT THE URGE,

BECAUSE I SEE THAT THE
THICKER WHITE HAS NOT STARTED TO SET YET.

BE PATIENT, ALL IN ALL, IT'S
GONNA TAKE AT LEAST A MINUTE

TO A MINUTE AND A HALF TO GENTLY
COOK THE EGG ON THIS SIDE.

AFTER THAT, THINGS ARE
GONNA HAPPEN REALLY FAST.

OKAY, HERE COMES THE FLIP,

NOW THIS IS REALLY A LOT
EASIER THAN IT LOOKS, I PROMISE.

THE SECRET, BELIEVE IT
OR NOT, FRESH EGGS.

THE FRESHER THE EGG, THE
STRONGER THE MEMBRANE

THAT'S SURROUNDING THE YOLK,

WHICH MEANS IT'S GONNA HAVE
MORE RESILIENCE WHEN IT LANDS UPSIDE-DOWN.

NOW DOWN ON THE HEAT
AND COUNT TO TEN.

AND THE REVERSE FLIP.

YOU SEE. THE SECRET IS
TO POP YOUR WRIST,

GET IT AIRBORNE, AND THEN BRING
THE PAN UP TO MEET THE EGG.

AND THEN OFF IMMEDIATELY
ONTO THE PLATE.

WHO ARE YOU?

WANT TO SEE A TRICK?
NO!

OKAY, BUT JUST
THIS ONCE.

TWO EGGS...

EQUAL INDIGNITY, HERE IN
FAIR DINER, WHERE WE LAY OUR SCENE.

ONE IS COOKED, THE
OTHER IS RAW.

BUT WHICH IS WHICH,
O THEE OF SLACK JAW?

GIMME BACK MY HAT!
OKAY, PAY ATTENTION.

EGG NUMBER ONE,

WE SPIN, WE STOP...

WE RELEASE, NOTHING.

HENCE, COOKED EGG.

EGG NUMBER TWO.

WE SPIN, WE STOP...

WE RELEASE AND IT
SPINS AGAIN AS IF BY MYSTERIOUS FORCES,

HENCE, RAW EGG.

HERE'S YOUR HAT.

♪

EGGS CAN STICK TO COOKWARE
WITH A MYSTERIOUS AND FEROCIOUS FORCE.

BUT FOODS HIGH IN
PROTEIN USUALLY DO.

YOU CAN FIGHT BACK WITH A
GOOD NON-STICK SKILLET.

GONE ARE THE DAYS OF
TEMPERAMENTAL TEFLON.

TODAY'S NON-STICK COATINGS
ARE HIGH-TECH MARBLES,

TOUGH AND WICKED SLICK.

BUT DON'T JUDGE A PAN
BY ITS COATING ALONE.

SUCCESSFUL EGG COOKERY
DEPENDS ON HEAT CONTROL.

SO BEWARE OF CHEAP PANS THAT
CAN WARP OR HAVE HOT SPOTS,

OR MAY NOT EVEN BE FLAT
IN THE FIRST PLACE.

AVOID SPENDING A
BUNDLE BY SHOPPING

AT YOUR LOCAL RESTAURANT
SUPPLY HOUSE.

♪

FOR MY MONEY, THE ULTIMATE
MARRIAGE OF YOLK AND ALBUMIN

CAN BE FOUND IN THE CULINARY
ALCHEMY OF SCRAMBLED EGGS,

A DISH WHOSE MAGIC LIES IN
THE MYSTERIOUS DO-SI-DO

OF THE PROTEINS, FATS,
EMULSIFIERS, SALTS AND WATER

THAT IS THE EGG.

NOW THERE'S NO MYSTERY
TO PRODUCING

GREAT, FLUFFY PLATES
OF SCRAMBLED.

BUT THERE IS MORE TO IT
THAN CRACK AND STIR.

START BY MELTING A COUPLE
OF TEASPOONS OF BUTTER

OVER MEDIUM-LOW HEAT.

NOW SINCE OUR NEW PAN'S OF
THE NON-STICK VARIETY,

WE DON'T NEED A LOT OF FAT.

WE DO NEED A LITTLE.

IT'S NOT SO MUCH TO PREVENT
STICKING, BUT TO PROMOTE FLAVOR.

NOW AS FOR THE EGG-
CRACKING ITSELF,

DON'T DO IT ON THE EDGE
OF A CUP OR OF A BOWL.

THAT'LL ONLY PUNCH WEE LITTLE
BITS OF SHELL INTO THE EGG,

WHICH IS NASTY!

DO YOUR CRACKING ON THE
COUNTER, OR EVEN BETTER ONTO A PLATE

THAT CAN BE EASILY BE WHISKED
AWAY LATER FOR WASHING.

NOW EGGS CAN BE COOKED
STRAIGHT UP, WHICH IS FINE.

BUT YOUR GONNA GET HIGHER
VOLUME AND A LOT NICER TEXTURE

IF YOU ADD A LITTLE LIQUID.

I LIKE WHOLE MILK,

ALTHOUGH, YOU COULD USE
SOMETHING AS LIGHT AS WATER

OR AS HEAVY AS CREAM.

BUT WHATEVER YOU DO, DON'T ADD
MORE THAN A TABLESPOON PER EGG.

NOW I'VE GOT THREE EGGS HERE,
AND THREE TABLESPOONS OF MILK.

MIX WELL, BUT DON'T
BEAT 'EM TO DEATH.

EGGS DON'T APPRECIATE VIOLENCE.

COME TO THINK OF IT, THEY DON'T
MUCH CARE FOR SALT, EITHER.

LONG EXPOSURE TO SALT CAN
TOUGHEN THE FINAL DISH,

SO JUST STIR IN A PINCH
OR TWO OF SALT

RIGHT BEFORE THE
EGGS GO INTO THE PAN.

AND AS FOR PEPPER,
WAIT FOR THE TABLE.

NOW I LIKE TO SCRAMBLE OVER
TWO DIFFERENT TEMPERATURES.

I START THEM REAL
LOW, JUST STIRRING

UNTIL THEY JUST BEGIN TO
COAGULATE, OR FORM CURDS.

NOW MOST SCRAMBLED
EGGS GO WRONG

NOT BECAUSE OF TOO HIGH OF HEAT,

BUT BECAUSE THEY SPEND TOO
MUCH TIME OVER HIGH HEAT.

BECAUSE THEY'RE MOSTLY PROTEIN,
EGGS COAGULATE WHEN THEY COOK,

FORMING A KIND OF THREE-D
MESH THAT TRAPS MOISTURE.

BUT OVER HIGH HEAT THESE
PROTEINS SQUEEZE SO TIGHT

THAT THEY'LL WRING THE
MOISTURE OUT OF AN EGG

JUST LIKE A SPONGE.

IF YOU'VE EVER BEEN SERVED
A PLATE OF SCRAMBLED EGGS

THAT FLOATED LIKE AN
ISLAND IN A PLATE OF WATER,

WELL, ALL THAT WATER
SHOULD'VE BEEN IN THE EGGS.

OKAY, THERE, YOU SEE
THE CURDS HAVE FORMED,

SO NOW WE'RE GONNA BRING THE
HEAT UP ALL THE WAY TO HIGH.

DON'T WORRY IF YOU
DON'T HAVE GAS,

THIS'LL WORK ON ELECTRIC TOO,

IT'S JUST GONNA TAKE A LITTLE
BIT LONGER, THAT'S ALL.

NOW KEEP THE PAN MOVING AND
TRY NOT TO STIR TOO MUCH.

THINK ABOUT FOLDING THE
CURDS OVER EACH OTHER.

THE WHOLE POINT HERE IS
TO INCREASE VOLUME

BY ALLOWING THE MOISTURE INSIDE
THE EGGS TO CONVERT TO STEAM,

WHICH'LL LIGHTEN UP
THE WHOLE DISH.

JUST FOLD AND SHAKE.

NOW AS SOON AS THERE
ISN'T ANY MORE LIQUID

RUNNING AROUND THE PAN,
RETREAT FROM THE HEAT.

NOW I KNOW THAT LOOKS
UNDERDONE RIGHT NOW,

BUT BELIEVE ME, MOVE IT
AROUND A LITTLE BIT,

AND BY THE TIME YOU
GET IT TO THE PLATE,

AND THE PLATE TO THE TABLE,

YOU'LL HAVE A PERFECTLY
COOKED SET OF SCRAMBLED EGGS.

AND THIS LEADS US TO
THE CARDINAL RULE OF EGG SCRAMBLING...

IF IT LOOKS COOKED IN THE PAN,

IT WILL BE OVERCOOKED
ON THE PLATE.

BELIEVE ME, YOU CAN'T
GET AROUND IT.

♪

SEPARATING THE WHITE
FROM THE YOLK

IS LIKE SPLITTING THE ATOM...

YOU UNLEASH SOME PRETTY
AMAZING COSMIC POWERS.

SEE, THE YOLK HAS THE
ABILITY TO CAPTURE

AND HOLD ON TO
LIQUIDS AS IT COOKS,

TURNING THEM INTO THE GEL
THAT WE CALL CUSTARD.

NOW A CUSTARD BASED ON CITRUS
JUICE, LIKE, SAY, LEMON JUICE,

IS USUALLY CALLED A CURD.

AND NOT ONLY IS LEMON CURD
SHAMELESSLY EASY TO MAKE,

IT MAY ACTUALLY BE THE MOST
VERSATILE SUBSTANCE ON EARTH,

BESIDES MAYBE DUCT TAPE.

YOU CAN SPREAD IT ON
BREAD, BISCUITS, CAKE.

YOU CAN BAKE IT INTO LEMON
SQUARES, FOLD IT INTO SOUFFLéS,

YOU NAME IT.

IF YOU ONLY KNOW HOW TO
MAKE ONE DESSERT ITEM,

YOU MIGHT THINK ABOUT
MAKIN' IT LEMON CURD.

HERE'S WHAT YOU'LL NEED.

THE HARDWARE... A MEDIUM-
SIZED STAINLESS STEEL PAN,

A STAINLESS STEEL OR COPPER
BOWL CAPABLE OF FITTING INSIDE SAID PAN

WITHOUT COMING TOO
CLOSE TO THE BOTTOM,

A WHISK AND A GRATER--
MORE ON THIS LATER.

NOW THE SOFTWARE...

ENOUGH WATER TO COME
ABOUT ONE INCH UP THE SIDE OF THE SAUCEPAN,

FOUR LEMONS, A STICK OF BUTTER

CUT INTO ABOUT EIGHT
OR NINE PIECES,

FIVE EGG YOLKS AND
ONE CUP OF SUGAR.

ADD THE WATER TO THE PAN AND
BRING UP THE HEAT TO MEDIUM.

WE'RE JUST GONNA BRING
THIS TO A SIMMER.

ALL OF THE FLAVOR, WELL,
AT LEAST 95 PERCENT

OF THE FLAVOR OF A LEMON,

IS IN THE VERY OUTER
LAYER OF SKIN.

IT'S CALLED THE ZEST
AND IT'S FULL OF OILS,

AS OPPOSED TO THE ACID
THAT YOU FIND IN THE JUICE.

SO WE NEED TO GET
THAT OFF OF THERE,

BUT WE DON'T WANT TO GO
VERY DEEP, BECAUSE BENEATH HERE BE DRAGONS.

IT'S CALLED THE PITH, AND
IT TASTES, WELL, DREADFUL.

YOU COULD USE A PEELER IF
YOU HAD A REALLY GOOD ONE,

TO JUST BRING OFF
THE OUTER SURFACE,

BUT THEN YOU'D HAVE
TO CHOP IT UP.

YOU COULD ALSO USE A BAR GRATER,

WHICH WOULD GET
DOWN TO THE ZEST,

AND IT WOULD BRING IT OFF
IN THESE LONG STRINGS,

WHICH WOULD PROBABLY GET
CAUGHT IN YOUR TEETH,

SO YOU'VE GOT TO
CHOP THEM UP TOO.

THE LAST CHOICE, AND MY
FAVORITE, IS A CUSTOM WOOD RASP,

THAT YOU CAN GET AT
A HARDWARE STORE.

THESE THINGS TAKE OFF JUST
THE PERFECT AMOUNT OF ZEST,

AS YOU CAN SEE IT KIND OF
PILING UP RIGHT THERE.

NOW WE'VE GOT OUR ZEST
OF FOUR LEMONS.

WE'RE GONNA ADD THE JUICE
OF TWO OF THOSE LEMONS.

AND IF THE LEMONS DON'T COME
UP WITH TO MUCH JUICE FOR YOU,

YOU MIGHT WANT TO ADD
ENOUGH WATER TO THEM

TO GET YOU UP TO A
THIRD OF A CUP.

NOW GOES THE SUGAR,

AND ONE, TWO, THREE,
FOUR, FIVE EGG YOLKS.

NEXT, YOUR WHISK.

YOU'RE GONNA WANT TO WORK THIS
UNTIL IT'S PRETTY SMOOTH

AND YOU DON'T SEE TOO MUCH
OF THE GRAIN OF THE SUGAR.

IT'S GONNA TAKE
ABOUT FOUR MINUTES,

DEPENDING ON HOW MUCH
WORK YOU PUT INTO IT.

NOW ONCE THE WATER HAS
COME TO A SIMMER,

TURN IT ALL THE WAY DOWN,
PUT THE BOWL OVER THE PAN,

AND KEEP WHISKING, AND
DON'T STOP WHISKING.

NOW WHETHER THEY BAKE IN THE
OVEN OR ON THE STOVETOP,

CUSTARDS ARE ALL ABOUT
TEMPERATURE CONTROL.

THERE'S ONLY A FEW
DEGREES OF DIFFERENCE

BETWEEN A SATINY CUSTARD AND
SWEETENED SCRAMBLED EGGS.

USING A DOUBLE BOILER IS KIND OF
LIKE TAKING OUT CURD INSURANCE.

SEE THE STEAM COMPLETELY
COVERS THE BOTTOM OF THE BOWL,

SO THE HEAT IS
CONSISTENT AND EVEN.

AND THERE ARE A LOT OF
SUGAR MOLECULES IN THERE,

AND THAT'LL HELP KEEP THE EGG
PROTEINS FROM MASSING TOGETHER.

SO YOU DON'T HAVE TO
BEAT YOUR ARM OFF,

BUT IF YOU STOP COMPLETELY,

YOU'RE GONNA END UP
WITH THE SCRAMBLED EGGS.

♪

WHAT WAS ONCE KIND OF A GOOEY
PILE OF RAW EGGS AND SUGAR

IS NOW A CUSTARD,

THICK ENOUGH TO COAT
THE BACK OF A SPOON,

ALMOST LIKE A BATTER,

THE FRENCH CALL THAT NAPPE,

AND THAT MEANS THAT WE ARE
READY FOR THE BUTTER.

I'M CONVINCED THAT
ADDING THE BUTTER

AFTER THE CUSTARD IS COOKED
MAKES FOR A SMOOTHER CURD.

BESIDES, ADDING IT AT
THE END COOLS IT DOWN,

WHICH MEANS I CAN
EAT IT SOONER.

WORK IT IN JUST A PIECE
OR TWO AT A TIME,

MAKING SURE THAT
EACH ADDITION MELTS

BEFORE THE NEXT ONE GOES IN.

THE CUSTARD'S GONNA START
TO TAKE ON A TANTALIZING, NEW-CAR SHINE.

BECAUSE OF ITS SUGAR
AND ACID CONTENT,

LEMON CURD IS PRETTY
STABLE STUFF.

AND IF YOU CAN KEEP YOUR
SPOON OUT OF IT,

IT'LL LAST FOR UP TO A
MONTH IN THE REFRIGERATOR.

NOW TO KEEP A SKIN FROM
FORMING ON THE TOP OF IT,

YOU CAN JUST TAKE A PIECE OF
CELLOPHANE OR PLASTIC WRAP

AND PUSH RIGHT DOWN
ON TOP OF IT.

IT'S THE SAME TRICK THAT KEEPS
GUACAMOLE FROM BROWNING.

NOW WHEN IT COMES TO THE
SERVING POSSIBILITIES,

LEMON CURD'S LIKE A
SET OF VICE GRIPS--

THERE'S NOTHIN' IT CAN'T DO.

YOU CAN FILL A PREBAKED
PIE SHELL OR TART SHELL,

YOU CAN SPREAD IT ON GINGERBREAD
LIKE THE SCOTS DO.

AND MY FAVORITE JUST
HAPPENS TO BE

ON A NICE LITTLE
PIECE OF POUND CAKE,

WITH MAYBE A NICE BERRY ON IT.

LEMON CURD...

POWERFUL JUJU AND
DEFINITELY "GOOD EATS."

POET LAUREATE RALPH
WALDO EMERSON WROTE,

"THERE IS ALWAYS A BEST
WAY OF DOING EVERYTHING,

"EVEN IF IT BE TO BOIL AN EGG."

NOW IF EMERSON WALKED IT
THE WAY HE TALKED IT,

HE WOULD'VE CERTAINLY
HAVE KNOWN,

THAT THE SECRET TO
BOILING AN EGG

IS TO NOT REALLY BOIL IT AT ALL.

HE WOULD'VE STARTED HIS EGGS
IN JUST A BIT OF COLD WATER,

ADDING A TEASPOON OF SALT TO
HELP SEAL ANY POSSIBLE CRACKING.

I'M CERTAIN THAT HE BROUGHT
THEM JUST TO A BOIL,

AND THEN HE REMOVED THEM FROM
THE HEAT, PUT ON THE LID,

AND LEFT THEM ALONE FOR
EXACTLY 15 MINUTES.

THEN HE WOULD'VE DRAINED THEM,

MAYBE BANGING THEM AROUND THE
PAN TO START THE CRACKING.

AND HE WOULD FINISH THEM
UP IN AN ICE WATER BATH

TO STOP THE COOKING, WHICH
WOULD PREVENT RUBBERY WHITES,

AND BLACK-TINGED YOLKS.

NEEDLESS TO SAY, PROMPT
PEELING FOLLOWED.

NOW EMERSON, OBVIOUS HARD-
COOKED FAN THAT HE WAS,

CERTAINLY WOULD'VE KNOWN THAT
THE MORE CRACKS IN THE SHELL,

THE EASIER THE PEELING GOES.

SMART GUY, THAT EMERSON.

NOW WE'VE ONLY CROSSED THE
THRESHOLD INTO THE EGG UNIVERSE.

EMULSIFIED SAUCES, SOUFFLéS,

MERINGUES, OMELETS,
THEY'RE ALL STILL OUT THERE,

WATCHING, WAITING...

SHOULD KEEP US BUSY FOR AT
LEAST SIX OR SEVEN SEASONS.

BUT IN THE MEANTIME, WE
HOPE YOU NOW POSSES

A FEW MORE MEGABYTES OF EGG
KNOWLEDGE THAN YOU DID,

SAY, HALF AN HOUR AGO.

JOIN US NEXT TIME, WHEN
WE ONCE AGAIN JOURNEY

INTO THE FAR-FLUNG
CORNERS OF THE KITCHEN,

AND RETURN WITH SOME
REALLY "GOOD EATS."

♪