Gomer Pyle: USMC (1964–1969): Season 5, Episode 6 - All You Need Is One Good Break - full transcript

A beautiful stuntwoman defends herself against two thugs while being escorted by Gomer and Sgt. Carter, and they get the credit for protecting her.

Starring... as Gomer Pyle.

Also starring... as
Sergeant Carter.

♪ ♪

Slater, what's that?

Oh, shaving cream.

I was down at the PX, I
picked up a couple of things

to take with us on
our trip to Hollywood.

After all, might as well take
advantage of PX prices, Sarge.

No, no, no.

What's this? Oh,
these are dark glasses.

I understand the sun is
very bright in Hollywood.



I mean, the glare
is very bad for you.

Did you know, you could
burn your retina by just look...

Knock it off, Slater!

Boy, leave it to you

to be the first one
to go Hollywood.

Hollywood? What
do you mean, Sarge?

The movie stars
wear dark glasses,

so you got to wear dark glasses.

Oh, no, Sarge. I've
got very sensitive pupils.

Hollywood. Hollywood.

You've gone Hollywood,
and we ain't even there yet.

Look, Slater, we're going there

on an assignment,
not to play around.

This movie is just another job.



Now go finish your packing

and take them dumb things
off your sensitive pupils.

Right, Sarge.

Oh, look, Slater,

why don't you go in the
back and get some DD 224s.

You're gonna need a lot of them.

Right, Sarge.

Here they are, Sarge.

That ain't nearly enough.

You're gonna need
twice that many.

Right, Sergeant.

Sergeant Carter?

What is it, Pyle?

I just wanted to
show you something

I'm taking along on the trip.

What's that?

It's my autograph
book, and I sure do hope

to add some illustrious names

to the ones I've
already got in there.

Swell.

You want to see some

of the illustrious
names I've got in here?

No. I've really got
some good ones.

Look. Minnie Pearl,

Tex Ritter, Linton Johnson.

The president?

No, not Lyndon. Linton with a T.

Who's he? Well, you
know that ice-skating show

that travels around the
country, The Ice Show? Yeah.

Well, they was
through my hometown

about seven years ago.

So who's Linton Johnson?

Well, he's the fellow

that sharpens
everybody's skates.

He let me watch him do it once.

Did you ever see

a skate sharpener
at work, Sergeant?

Golly, the sparks just fly...

Pyle, knock it off!

Are you all packed
and ready to go?

Yes, sir, I sure am.

Do you know whose autograph

I hope to get more
than anybody else's?

Lon Chaney Jr.'s.

Lon Chaney Jr.?

Mm-hmm. He's my favorite actor.

I've seen all of his pictures...
The Wolf Man, The Ape Man,

The Return of the Wolf Man,
The Return of the Ape Man...

Look, Pyle, this ain't
gonna be a vacation.

It's gonna be a
lot of hard work,

so there won't be time
for autograph hunting.

You got that? Well,
yes, Sergeant, but I...

Now, are the men all packed
and ready to move out?

Yes, Sergeant. Okay,
get back to the barracks.

Slater, go get them loaded up.

Right, Sarge.

You know something?

I think I'd rather watch a
skate-sharpener than a barber.

Sparks just...

All right, you men, wait here.

Sergeant Carter and party.

United States Marine
Corps, Camp Henderson.

Oh, if you want to
take the studio tour,

that's Gate 3.

No, no, no. We don't
want to take a tour.

We're working here.

Oh, extras, huh? Gate 6.

No, we're not extras.

We're Marines
working on a picture.

Maybe you didn't hear me.

Sergeant Carter, Camp Henderson.

We got an appointment to
see John Fenton, the producer.

Oh, well, why didn't you
say so in the first place?

Well, wait a minute
here. Let me see.

Oh, yeah, here it is.

Sergeant Carter, United
States Marines Corps

from Camp Henderson.

That's you.

I told you that.

Well, you got to speak up.

I'm not a mind reader.

All right, all right!

Now where do we go?

Now just a minute now.

Don't rush me.
There's more here.

Mr. Fenton is in conference.

He'll meet you at 2:00.

He says for you to have
lunch in the commissary.

Okay. Where is the commissary?

You're working on a picture,

you don't know where
the commissary is?

How long you been on this lot?

We just got here.

Well, why didn't you say so?

Boy, for a Sergeant,
you sure are quiet.

Now, look, you go
down here to Stage 12,

and you turn to your
left, and it's right there.

Stage 12 and to my left. Thanks.

All right, you
people, follow me.

Actors!

They're so dumb.

I'm glad I gave it up.

Now you didn't,
and... How sweet it is!

All right, you
people, listen up.

Now, we're here on business.

Your business is
to eat and get out.

I don't want to see no gawking,

loitering or fooling around.

You're Marines,
so act like Marines.

Sergeant, we gonna
all try and sit together?

Huh? What you say, Pyle?

I said, we gonna all
try and sit together?

Oh, no. Uh, why
don't we split up?

Everybody for himself.

Just grab a chair anywhere.

We got to be out
of here by 2:00.

Oh, it's a shame to
have to separate. Go! Go!

Hi there. Is, uh,
this seat taken?

No.

Mind if I sit down?

Of course not.

Hi there.

Is this seat taken?

No.

You mind if I sit down?

No.

Thank you.

You're in pictures, huh?

I'm gonna be
making a movie here.

Me and my men.

I'm Sergeant Vincent Carter,
United States Marines Corps.

My friends call me, Vince.

What do your friends call you?

Married.

Having trouble finding a seat?

Yes, ma'am.

My buddies found a table,

but it wasn't big
enough for all of us.

Well, you're
welcome to sit here.

I'm alone.

Oh, well, thank you.

Candice Watson!

You're Candice Watson!

No. I wish I were.

Well, you look just like her.

I know. I'm doubling
for her today.

I'm a stunt girl.

Gol-ly! You don't say.

A stunt girl.

What's your name? Linda Farrell.

Well, I'm Private First
Class Gomer Pyle.

I once read all about stunt
girls in Modern Movie Magazine.

It sounds like a real exciting
profession, but dangerous.

I read where this one
stunt girl got run over

in a buffalo stampede,
and to this day,

she's got a hoof print right
in the middle of her face!

That's why I hope this
job is just temporary.

I'm just doing this
until I get a chance

to break in as an actress.

Well, I sure wish
you a lot of luck.

Thank you.

Now tell me something
about yourself.

Miss, mind if I join you?

I hope to do a
lot of sightseeing

while I'm here
making this picture.

Do you know where
the wax museum is?

I'm just dying to see
Buster Crabbe in wax.

Well, Gomer, if you like,

I'd be happy to show
you around town.

Well, golly, that's
real friendly of you.

How about later this afternoon?

I'll be through
shooting at 4:00.

Well, fine.

Hey, you know what
else I'd like to do?

Do you suppose we
could drive by the house

where Lon Chaney Jr. was born?

I'll bet I've seen every picture

that Lon Chaney Jr.'s
made in his whole life.

Pyle.

Well, hey, Sergeant.

You eaten already? Uh, no.

Uh, I'm having a little
trouble finding a seat.

Oh, would you
like to eat with us?

This is Miss Farrell.

Hi.

Hello there.

Oh, here's a chair back here.

Oh, yeah.

My friends call me Vince.

What do your friends call you?

I still can't get over it.

A dainty little girl
like you doing stunts.

I guess you just handle
the easy ones, huh?

No, they throw some pretty
rough stuff at me sometimes.

Yeah? What kind
of stuff do you do?

Well, this picture I'm in
right now is a spy thriller,

and I do a lot of judo.

You don't say! Well,
ain't that something!

Judo? You? Mm-hmm.

This I got to see.

Show me some of your stuff.

No, no, I couldn't, no.

No. Come on. I'm curious.

You know, that's
my racket, judo.

Come on, you can
use me to demonstrate.

No, I don't think so.

Nah, nah, don't be bashful.

Let me see how you work.

All right, but we'd
better get over

to this grassy area
where it's softer.

Sure, sure.

Okay, now, where do
you want me to stand?

Right about there. Okay.

Now let's pretend
you're coming at me.

Okay.

I'm gonna get you.

Golly.

Are you all right, Sergeant?

Hmm? Yeah, yeah.

She threw you as if you weighed
no more than a sack of feathers.

Yeah, well, you're lucky
there weren't two of us.

What?

Well, you were leaving
yourself wide open

in case there was somebody
coming up from behind you.

You always got to be
ready for that, too, you know.

How?

Well, uh, if you're
really interested,

you use the same
principle of leverage,

but you use your hips when
you grab the arm, like this.

Huh?

Oh, I see.

Can I try it? Sure, yeah.

Like this?

Yeah. Only, uh, you
got your head down.

You got to keep
your head up in case

there's somebody coming
from your blind side.

Oh, that didn't occur to me.

Yeah, well, uh, you ain't
a trained jungle fighter.

No.

Well, I'd better get
back to the set now.

Thanks for the lesson, Sergeant.

Sure.

Hey!

Maybe I can give you
some private lessons.

Are you busy later?

Well, I already promised Gomer

I'd show him the
town this afternoon.

Oh, yeah, I understand.

Two's company, three's a crowd.

So, Pyle, why don't you
go see the town by yourself?

No, I made a promise to
Gomer, and I'm going to keep it.

Okay. Okay. We'll show
him the town together.

Gomer, why don't we meet
out at the main gate at 4:00?

Yeah, that'll be fine.

And we can decide later
the places we want to see.

Right. We can decide that later.

Thank you very
much, Miss Farrell.

Linda. Linda.

See you later, guys.

Pyle, do me a favor...
Don't get in the way.

Huh? That's all
I'm gonna tell you.

Don't get in the way.

Uh, Pyle, could I talk
to you for a minute?

Excuse us? Okay.

Look, Pyle, it's time
to take Linda home,

and there's no point
in both of us doing it.

Now, I know you
must be real tired

after all the sightseeing...

Well, no, Sergeant, not a bit.

I'm wide awake as can be.

Uh, no, Pyle, you're sleepy,

and you ought to hit the sack.

But really, I'm not, Sergeant.

I'm just as... No, Pyle, you're
sleepy, you understand?

Now, if you're too dumb
to know when you're sleepy

and when you're
not sleepy, I'll tell you.

You're sleepy, and you're
going back to the hotel.

Hi, sweetheart,
you alone tonight?

No, I'm not.

You look lonely.

Now, look, fellas...

Well, all right,
Sergeant, if you...

Look, Sergeant!

Hey!

Come here, baby.

Hey, what's going on here?

Grab that guy, Pyle.

Hold on to him, Pyle.

All right, hold it, hold it.

Okay, what's going on?

We don't know... A
couple of wise guys.

They tried to get fresh
with our friend here.

Bob, get them in the car.

Go on, go on.

May I have your name
and address, miss?

Linda Farrell,
Sunset Apartments.

Linda Farrell,
Sunset Apartments.

Hey, what happened, lady?

All right, everybody,
move along now.

Come over here, fellas.

Can I have your name?

Sure, I'm Sergeant Carter.

This is Private Pyle.

Carter, Pyle.

Uh, we're staying
at the Circle Hotel.

We're here in Hollywood
to make a Marine movie.

Well, these kinds of guys
are always a problem.

Takes a couple of Marines

to know how to handle them.

Well, we don't
deserve any credit.

All we did was...
Yeah, all you did

was what any two
normal guys would do

when a girl is being bothered
by a couple of creeps, huh?

Really, Officer, we didn't
do nothing, we just...

No need to be modest, Private.

Believe me, Officer,
we didn't do a thing.

Yeah, sure.

Just like you didn't do
anything at Iwo Jima.

You did something today

that should've been
done a long time ago.

Nice going, fellas.

But he thinks we
did it, Sergeant.

We should have told him.

I tried to tell him,
Pyle, you heard me!

But, Sergeant... Well, he
wouldn't stand and listen!

What did you expect me to do?

Now, just forget it!

Come in.

Good morning, Sergeant.

Uh, Sergeant... You
had your breakfast?

Yes, sir... Sergeant...

The other men ready downstairs?

Yes, sir. Sergeant Carter?

What is it, Pyle?

Well, it's this newspaper here.

There's a story in it

about what happened last night.

Oh, let me see that.

What does it say?

Well, it tells about how
we're some kind of heroes

for apprehending
two vicious criminals.

Yeah, so I see.

And how Miss
Linda was real lucky

to have us there to protect her

and how we're a credit
to the Marine Corps.

I can read, Pyle, I can read.

But, Sergeant, we didn't
do any of those things.

I was there, Pyle, remember?

I know, Sergeant, but
it's still not the truth.

What are we gonna do?

Do about what?

Well, about this article.

We ought to call
them and tell them.

You want to tell
them that a little girl

about that high did
our fighting for us?

Two Marines?

That's a credit to
the Corps, huh?

And what about that cop?

You want to make
a liar out of him?

He just didn't
understand, is all.

You were there, Pyle.

You heard me try to tell him.

Now, a man can only do so much.

Now, that's it.

It's over, finished,
done with, so forget it.

Get that, will you?

Hello?

Yes, ma'am, he's right here.

Who?

Yes, ma'am.

It's David Farnum;
he wants to talk to you.

Who?

David Farnum, he has
that TV interview show.

I wonder what he wants.

Hello?

Hello, Mr. Farnum.

I'm fine, thank you.

Yes, sir, you heard right.

We're here making
a Marine movie,

Leathernecks of the Air.

Do what?

On your program?

Well, yes, sir, I'll be glad

to talk about the picture.

Now, how did you
know we were here?

Oh, you read the
story in the paper.

Well, okay, Mr. Farnum,
we'll be there.

Uh, yes, sir, at
10:00 at your studio.

Right.

Okay, thank you.

Are you gonna be on
The David Farnum Show?

He wants us both, Pyle.

He does?

Yeah.

He wants to ask
us some questions,

you know, like, uh,

"What's it like to
be in Hollywood,

being in a movie?"

Golly, that's very
exciting, Sergeant,

but there's just one thing.

Huh?

Well, if he read that
story in the paper,

he might want to ask you
what happened last night.

What will you say?

Pyle, you're always
making problems.

But he might, Sergeant.

What will you say? Nothing.

I'll just keep talking
about the picture.

Well, what if he keeps
asking? What, then?

Pyle, I'll cross that
bridge when I come to it.

And let's just hope
we never come to it.

Now get out of here
and leave me alone!

And now, our next guests
are two Marines who are part

of a group brought here to
Hollywood from Camp Henderson.

They're going to be
appearing in the motion picture,

Leathernecks of the Air,
a John Fenton production

that begins shooting next week.

So, ladies and gentlemen,
let's have a nice, warm welcome

for Sergeant Vincent Carter

and Private First
Class Gomer Pyle.

Good morning, fellas.

Uh, take a seat
right over there.

Over there.

Nice to have you here.

Welcome to Hollywood.

Huh? Oh, uh, thank you, sir.

You, uh... you guys
enjoying your stay here?

Yes, sir, we just... Oh,
we certainly are. It's...

It's a great town, a great town.

I understand that John
Fenton, your producer,

picked your platoon to
lend some authenticity

to Leathernecks of the Air,

and he was very pleasantly
surprised to find so much talent

among you boys...
and, uh, Private Pyle,

my spy is telling me

that you have a
fine singing voice,

and you're actually going to
be doing a solo in the movie.

Yes, sir, I... We're all gonna
back him up, of course.

You see, it's kind of a
glee club I put together.

It took a lot of
scouting and hard work,

but we came up with the
right combination. I see.

Um, Private, have you
ever sung in public before?

Yes, sir... Well,
last year, he sang

with the Marine
band in Washington.

I entered him in the contest

that got him his chance.

Naturally, I was there in D.C.

to supervise everything,

and it all went off
without a hitch. Uh-huh.

Maybe you could tell us
a little bit about this scene

you're going to be playing
in Leathernecks of the Air.

Yes, sir, I... Well, it's
a contemporary story

with contemporary guys,
you know, like you and me.

Uh, it takes place in,
uh, air cadet school,

what you call
your basic training.

I sort of play myself,

a sergeant in charge
of a group of air cadets.

Uh, John figured... John
Fenton, he's my producer...

That it would be better
to use me and my men

to give it a sense of reality,
like in them foreign pictures.

Yeah, I see, a-a-a
musical documentary

with perhaps just a
touch of cinema verité.

Oh, no, this is for
the whole family.

I'm sure it's gonna
be a fine picture,

and-and John Fenton
couldn't have picked

better representatives
for the spirit

of the United
States Marine Corps

than you two gentlemen.

Thank you, sir.

It was a pleasure being here.

Oh, no, no, wait a minute.

And just how well
these two gentlemen

exemplify that spirit
was demonstrated

right here on the streets
of Hollywood last night.

I understand you two boys

had a little bit of
unexpected excitement.

Isn't that correct?

Well, like I said,
it-it's an exciting town.

Uh, it's been a great pleasure

being here, Mr. Farnum.
Well, now, wait a minute.

You did have an experience

with a couple of
hoodlums, didn't you?

It wasn't much.

Well, that's not
the way I hear it.

According to police reports,

you both were escorting
a young lady last night,

and when these two
hoodlums got fresh,

all you did was just step in

and hold them until
the police came.

Isn't that correct? Isn't
that the way it happened?

Well, not exactly, Mr. Farnum.

No, Mr. Farnum,
that's not right.

We didn't do
anything to them fellas.

Before we even had a chance,

the girl that we was with,

she knocked them down herself.

The girl did it?

Well, she's a stunt girl.

Oh, that's right,
and she's backstage.

Her name's Linda Farrell
if you want to introduce her.

She is?

Miss Farrell, are
you back there?

Well, come on out.

Pyle, what's she doing here?

I invited her, Sergeant.

I was hoping to get
her on somehow.

She needs a break,
and you yourself said

that everybody in
Hollywood watches this show.

Ladies and gentlemen,
Miss Linda Farrell.

Come right this way.

Is this a put-on?

I mean, really, it's
pretty hard to believe

that a petite,
young thing like this

could handle those two
hoodlums that easily.

But that's just what she
did, didn't she, Sergeant?

She's a judo expert.

Show him, Miss
Farrell, show him.

Oh, I don't think
that's necessary.

But it is... he don't
believe it, so go on.

Well, I need
someone to do it with.

Well, don't look at me.

Well, how about the sergeant?

You all worked real
fine together yesterday.

Oh, that's a good idea.

You don't mind being
on the receiving end

for once, do you, Sergeant?

- Uh, well, uh...
- Oh, go on.

Come on, don't you
want to see the sergeant,

ladies and gentlemen?

Come on, come on, get out there.

You go right over there.

You ready?

Uh-huh. Come on.

You all right, Sergeant?

Huh? Yeah, sure. You see that?

Being a stunt girl, Miss
Farrell knows all them tricks.

And not only that. She's
a real good actress.

And someday, she's
gonna be a real big star.

I wouldn't be a bit surprised.

Uh, may I say something?

Yeah, sure, go right ahead.

Well, I am a stunt girl,

but I don't know very
much about self-defense.

I didn't until the
sergeant was kind enough

to give me a few
pointers, and luckily,

the tips he gave me
yesterday afternoon helped.

So thanks to him, I was ready
for what happened last night.

Well, that makes you the
hero behind the heroine,

doesn't it, Sergeant?

Let's hear it for
Sergeant Carter,

ladies and gentlemen.

Thank you.

Thank you very much.

You know, actually,
you can handle

as many as three men at a
time if you got the right defense.

It's all a matter of leverage.

You got to move like a cat.

A cat...

Sergeant Carter!
Sergeant Carter!

Oh, hi, Pyle.

Have I ever got the
most wonderful news!

A big, important
producer saw Miss Farrell

on the TV show last night,

and he's asked her to audition
for a part in his next picture.

Good. Good.

Well, this could
be it, Sergeant.

This could be the big
break she's been looking for.

I sure an happy about
it. Ain't you, Sergeant?

Yeah. She's a sweet kid.

I sure am glad I invited
her to be on the TV show.

Why, she might
never have even...

Pyle, will you stop yakking?

I'm trying to concentrate
on finding a seat.

I'm sorry, Sergeant.

Well, there's a seat right
over there opposite that girl.

Huh? Where?

Oh, I'll tell you what, Pyle.

Why don't you sit
down by the girl?

But you was here before I was.

Well, I'm in no rush.

You take the seat.

Well, thank you, Sergeant.

Uh, excuse me, ma'am.

You mind if I join you?

No, not at all. Sit down.

Thank you.

It's real nice of you
to let me eat with you.

You know, I find...

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