Gomer Pyle: USMC (1964–1969): Season 4, Episode 6 - The Great Talent Hunt - full transcript

Starring... as Gomer Pyle.

Also starring... as
Sergeant Carter.

♪ ♪

Yeah, while the guys are
out on detail this afternoon,

maybe we can get caught
up on some of that paperwork.

Well, I hope so, Sarge.

We have all those supply
requisitions to fill out

and all those personnel forms.

Oh, by the way,
those entry blanks

for the talent contest came in.

What talent contest?

Haven't you heard?

They're looking for
Marine talent to appear

in the annual Navy Relief
Show in Washington, D.C.

Yeah? Yeah.

They're picking one guy from
each base to do something there,

like sing or play an instrument.

No fooling.

That really ought to
be something. Yeah.

What do you want me to
do with those entry blanks?

Throw them away.
Throw them away?

That's right, we got more
important things to do.

Besides, who's got any
talent in our platoon?

You never know, Sarge.

Yeah, well, I know.

Hey, Vince.

What do you say, pal?

Hiya, Boyle.

Oh, Hacker.

What are you doing
out of the mess hall?

Another fire start
in the kitchen?

You're funny, Carter.

You know, with
your sense of humor,

you ought to be in
the talent contest.

I bet you would've
done pretty well, too.

Except we already
know who the winner is,

so you don't have to bother.

Have I piqued your curiosity?

Not particularly. Good,

then I'll introduce you.

This is Private Brian Jones.

He's a new replacement.

Nice to meet you,
Sergeant, Corporal.

Yeah, Jones here is gonna
be representing our platoon

in the talent contest.

That is, he'll be
representing our base

in the talent contest. So?

So, aren't you gonna
ask what he does?

Tell him what you do, Jones.

Well, actually, I
do a little singing.


That's what he
does, a little singing.

Lay a little on him.

Out here, sir?

Yeah, go ahead.

♪ La... ♪

That's enough.

Save the rest
for the audition...

and Washington.

Hey, Hacker. Yes?

I don't get it, why are
you making such a big deal

out of a talent contest?

Well, someone from our base
is gonna be sent to Washington.

So I thought how nice it
would be if that someone

just happened to
be from my platoon.

And how did you just happen
to come up with Jones here?

Well, I needed a
replacement for the mess hall,

so I went over to
the replacement pool,

conducted a few interviews.

And when I found
out that Jones here

was a graduate of a
conservatory of music,

I knew he was just
right for my kitchen.

See you, Vince.

Big deal.

Talent contest,
Washington, D.C...

Boy, some guys...

Well, don't put it down, Sarge.

You know Hacker,
he's always looking to be

one up with the colonel.


Well, the guy representing the
base comes from his platoon.

And when he's
introduced in Washington,

they'll probably
say "Private Jones

from C Company, Camp Henderson."

And they might even
mention Hacker's name.

And they might not.

Well, here go the entry blanks.

What are you doing, Boyle?

Throwing them
away like you said.

When did I say that?

About five minutes ago.

The picture has
changed in five minutes.

Pick up them entry blanks.

We're gonna find talent,

but we're gonna do
it the honest way...

From our own platoon.

Boy, how that Hacker
could stoop so low

and bring in a ringer
from the replacement pool,

I don't know.

You think he'd at
least have the decency

to pick a man from
his own platoon.

But not Hacker, oh, no.

He's got to do it the
sneaky, underhanded way...

Go to the replacement pool.

But, Sarge, what if we don't
find any talent in our platoon?

Then we'll go to the
replacement pool.

Now I'm sure you guys recognize
this as a golden opportunity

for one of you to
go to Washington

and bring honor not
only to your platoon,

but to the entire Marine Corps.

Now I've never asked any of
you guys if you got any talent.

But I'm sure that
some of you do.

And that's what I'm looking for.

But... I only want
the top talent.

So if you're rotten, forget it.

Now, who wants
to audition first?


Come on, guys,
let's not be bashful.

Look, I'll take back
what I said just now.

If you think you're rotten,
step forward anyway.

Let me be the judge.

Yeah, Hummel, what do you do?

I play the clarinet.

You do?

And he plays real
nice, too, Sergeant.

Then why were you holding back?

Go get your clarinet
and let's hear you.


Any of you guys hear him play?

Is he any good?

Oh, I've heard him
lots of times, Sergeant.

He's real good.

Just wait till you hear him.

No kidding.

You ready, Hummel?

Hey, look at that.

He warms up like a real pro.

All right, Hummel,
whenever you're ready.

You've got a lot
of nerve, Hummel...

No talent but a lot of nerve.

And you, too, Pyle.

It takes a lot of guts to
recommend somebody like that.


Replacement pool?

Wait a minute.

Okay, anyone else?

No, come on, you guys.

What? What? What does he do?


Bronski, front and center.

All right, Bronski,
what do you do?

I tap-dance.


Are you sure?

Yeah, tap dancing... That's
always a crowd pleaser.

That's even better than singing.

All right, move the table.

Move the table.

A tap dancer, huh?

All right, stand back, fellas,
give him plenty of room.

Okay, Bronski, you're on.

♪ Da, la, da, la, da, duh! ♪

Move the table back.

Move the table back.

He could have done
a lot better, Sergeant,

if he'd had taps on
his combat boots.

So that's it, huh, fellas?

That's the talent?

If you don't mind my
saying so, Sergeant,

there's one man in this
platoon who has real talent,

and he hasn't even
been suggested.

Yeah? Who's that?


Come on, let's go to
the replacement pool.

Wait, Sarge.

You've heard him; he's not bad.

Boyle, are you out of your mind?

Pyle in the contest
to go to Washington?

Sarge, he sings good.

Listen to him.


All right, Pyle, let's hear you.

Sergeant, I'm not good
enough for a contest.

I know, Pyle, but
let's hear you anyway.

But, Sergeant, I'm not
a professional singer.

I could never get up on
that stage in front of people.

Sing, Pyle.

But, Sergeant, I just...

Pyle, sing, and that's an order!

♪ Just a song at twilight ♪

♪ When the lights are low ♪

♪ And the flickering shadows ♪

♪ Softly come and go ♪

♪ Still the heart be weary ♪

♪ Sad the day but long ♪

♪ Still to us at twilight ♪

♪ Comes love's old song ♪

♪ Comes love's own sweet song. ♪


Give him an entry blank.

We can always go to
the replacement pool.

♪ Qual piuma al vento ♪

♪ La, la, la, la, la, la ♪

♪ E di pensiero ♪

♪ La, la, la, la, la, la ♪

♪ Qual piuma al vento ♪

♪ Muta d'accento ♪

♪ E di pensier ♪

♪ E di pensier ♪

♪ E di pen... ♪

Hi. Can I help you
with something?

Oh, well, please
don't stop singing.

I didn't mean to interrupt you.

That's okay.

It's just music to
unload vegetables by.

That's opera, ain't it?

I noticed your Adam's
apple popping up and down.

That's how I
could tell it's opera.

Well, it's a pleasure to
meet a fellow music lover.

My name's Brian, Brian Jones.

W-Well, I'm Gomer Pyle,
and this is a real honor...

I mean, shaking hands
with a voice like that.

Thanks again.

You're a professional
singer for sure, aren't you?

Not really. I used to
teach singing as a civilian.

Really? You mean
you taught voice?

Well, I sure could
use a few lessons.

Oh, yeah?

Well, my sergeant
just entered me

in this contest to go
to Washington and...

I know. I'm signed
up for it, too.

You are?

Well, I might as
well give up now.

Don't be so modest, Gomer.

You're probably pretty good
if your sergeant picked you.

Oh, no, I have to tell you,

my voice is more for
singing along than listening to.

Well, let's find out.

Is there a piano around here?

Well, yeah, over
at the rec hall,

but you don't want to hear me.

You heard me.

I think it's only
fair if I hear you.

♪ From this valley,
they say you are going ♪

♪ I will miss your bright
eyes and sweet smile ♪

♪ For they say you are
taking the sunshine ♪

♪ That has brightened
my life for a while. ♪

Gomer, are you sure you
never had any lessons?

No. I just used to sing
around the filling station

back home in Mayberry.

Really could get
some good sounds

from down there
in the grease pit.

You're a natural.

You're like a musician
who can't read music

but who plays great,

and you've got a lot more
lung power than you think.

I do?

Try this for me.

♪ La, la, la, la! ♪

♪ La, la, la, la! ♪

But give it full voice.

♪ La, la, la, la! ♪

Now bring it up
from your diaphragm.

My what?

Diaphragm, diaphragm,
from down here.

♪ La, la, la ♪

♪ La...! ♪

Good, try it again.

♪ La, la, la ♪

♪ La...! ♪


You still can't believe that's
coming out of you, Gomer?

Well, you got the pipes.

Now it's just a matter
of how to use them.

Well, I sure am
grateful to you, Brian.

But ain't it strange?

Here we are, rivals
in the same contest,

and you're helping me.

Like I told you,
teaching is my business.

Full diaphragm.


Try "ah."

♪ Ah-E... ♪

That's good, that's good.

♪ Ah-O... ♪
Breathe, breathe.

Hey, Vince.

Yeah? Is that crazy
rumor I hear true?

That you're entering
Pyle in the contest?

What about it? Oh, nothing.

I just feel bad
about it, that's all.


Well, you know, when you and
I usually compete in something,

we give each other a good fight.

We make it interesting,
you know what I mean.



Hold it! Hold it!
What's going on here?

Oh, hi, Sergeant. Guess what?

Brian here's been
giving me singing lessons.

He's getting me in
shape for the contest.


How about that for
sportsmanship, huh, Vince?

That's very nice of you, Jones,

helping out the less fortunate.

No, no, Gomer has a fine voice.

Sure. Sure.

And I'm proud of you

for taking an interest in him.

It's like Willie
Mays giving his time

to help out a minor leaguer. Ha!

Come on, kid, let's go.

Hey, hey, wait a minute.

I haven't heard you
sing in a little while.

How about laying one of
them high notes on me?

Come on, come on.

♪ La... ♪

Boy, he sure has a
golden voice, don't he?

And ain't it nice of him to
helping me out like this?

Yeah, yeah.

Look, if you see Corporal Boyle,

tell him I'll be right back.

Where you going, Sergeant?

To the replacement pool.

He'll understand.

I keep nagging you,
Gomer, use your diaphragm.

♪ The sky above ♪

♪ The sky above... ♪

Good. Do it again.

♪ The sky above... ♪

♪ The beautiful sea... ♪

Good. Good, but...
more diaphragm.

♪ The beautiful sea... ♪

Oh, hi, Sergeant Hacker.

Did that come out of you?

Funny. That's exactly how I felt

the first time I heard myself.

You see, for years now,
I've been doing it all wrong.

I wasn't breathing right,
but that was because

I didn't know what I was doing.

But now I do,
thanks to Brian here.

He's really been
teaching me a lot.

How to sing words and how to
get more power into my voice.

But most of all, I think
I'm most grateful to him

for helping me
discover my diaphragm.



Yes, Sergeant.

Gomer, keep practicing
those exercises.


♪ The beautiful sea... ♪

Ain't you overdoing
it a little, Jones?

Sergeant? Look, you
don't have to coach

somebody so good
that he becomes a threat.

But you said it was
nice of me to help him.

Now, listen, Jones,
you got what it takes

to win for my platoon and
you're not gonna blow it.

As of now, the singing lessons
are over. Is that clear, boy?

If you say so, Sergeant.

♪ The sky above ♪

♪ The sky above... ♪

Yeah, Pyle's sounding better

all the time, isn't
he? Listen to that.


♪ La, la, la, la, la... ♪

That's very catchy.

What's the name of it?

It's the scales. Oh.

Would you like to
know the song Pyle's

gonna sing in the
contest? He told me.

Not necessarily.

Boy, you sure don't
seem too enthusiastic.

Why should I be?

I'm stuck with an amateur,

and Hacker got the only pro
out of the replacement pool.

There was nothing
left for me. Nothing.

What are you
going to do about it?

I'll tell you what
I'd like to do.

I'd like to play dirty just
like Hacker plays dirty.

What are you gonna do instead?

What instead? I'm
gonna play dirty,

just like Hacker plays dirty.



Are you supposed to
be policing this area?

Yes, Sergeant Then how
come you missed that?

I don't know. I thought
I picked up everything.

Well, thinking ain't
good enough. Do it!

When policing an area,

you will not overlook
a single scrap of paper.

Not one scrap of paper!

Yes, Sergeant.

Yes, Sergeant, what?
When policing an area,

I will not overlook
one scrap of paper.

I can't hear you!

When policing an
area, I will not overlook

one scrap of paper.

I still can't hear you.

You will repeat it again
and again until I do!

When policing an area, I will
not overlook one scrap of paper.

When policing an area, I will
not overlook one scrap of paper.

When policing an
area, I will not overlook

one scrap of paper.

When polic... I'm
straining my voice.

Strain! Strain!

What's going on here?!

Jones, what's all the hollering?

I heard you clear
over in the mess hall!

Sergeant Carter was
giving me some orders.

He don't speak up, Hacker.

I was just getting him to
speak up so I could hear him.

Now, Pyle, the last
time you were on KP,

you were on pots
and pans. This time,

you're gonna have it easier.

You're gonna work right
here in the refer room.

Thanks, Sergeant Hacker.

I really appreciate
the promotion,

but it's kind of chilly in here.

Chilly? Ah, as soon
as you start moving

this produce around,
you work up a good sweat,

you'll be warm in no time.

I sure hope so, 'cause right now

I'm broke out in
goose pimples all over.

Maybe I ought to
go get a sweater.

You know, maybe it is
a little too nippy in here.

I tell you what I'll
do... On the way out

I'll adjust the temperature.

Well, I sure thank
you, Sergeant Hacker.

And I think it'd
be much healthier

for the vegetables, too.



Where in the heck...?

Pyle what are you
doing? Come out of there.

Oh, hey, Sergeant.

Would you tell me what
you're doing in that freezer?

I'm working. Sergeant Hacker
gave me a real good job.


Of all the rotten...

We got five hours to thaw
you out. Now, come on!

♪ Santa Lucia... ♪

♪ Now I shall quickly sail ♪

♪ Over the ocean ♪

♪ Santa Lucia... ♪

♪ Santa Lucia. ♪

Pyle, what do you
think you're doing?

He's your competition.

That was beautiful,
Private Jones. A fine job.

Thank you, sir.

That was just brilliant, Brian.

It just sent shivers
up and down my spine.

Thanks, Gomer.

Yeah, great. They'll
love you in Washington.

The next contestant
is from Company B,

Private Gomer Pyle.

Just do the best you can, Pyle.

Maybe you'll get
a consolation prize.

They'll send you to Pasadena.

I'll do my best, Sergeant.

♪ One alone to be my own ♪

♪ I alone to know her caresses ♪

♪ One to be eternally ♪

♪ The one my worshiping
soul possesses ♪

♪ At her call, I'd give my all ♪

♪ All my life and all
my love enduring ♪

♪ This would be a
magic world to me ♪

♪ If she were mine alone ♪

♪ At her call, I'd give my all ♪

♪ All my life and all
my love enduring ♪

♪ This would be a
magic world to me ♪

♪ If she were mine alone. ♪

Uh, just a minute, Pyle.

Private Jones, would
you come up here?

Excuse me a moment.

This may seem highly
unorthodox, but...

The winner and representative
of Camp Henderson

for the Navy Relief
Show in Washington is...

Private First Class Gomer Pyle!

Pyle, you won!

Gomer, that's great!

Hold it, hold it,
hold it, hold it.

Let-let-let me
explain something.

Both of you sang so well
that it was really a toss-up,

and, well, that's
exactly what I did.

You won, Pyle.

You're going to Washington.

I knew you had it, kid.

I knew it all the time!

Congratulations, Gomer!

Golly, I don't know what to say.

I don't deserve to win.

Well, imagine the student
beating the teacher.

"Student beating the
teacher," what does that mean?

I wouldn't have won the contest

if it hadn't been
for Brian here.

Oh? Well, you see,
he's been coaching me.

I didn't know a
thing about singing,

except to open
and close my mouth.

Then he started
teaching me, and honest,

I never learned so much so fast.

He taught me
everything, that song.

Nice going.

Well, if Pyle is an
example of what you can do,

I think you should be
brought to the attention

of the Marine Corps
Glee Club. Sir?

They're always on the
lookout for a good vocal coach,

and I think you
just might fit the bill.

Thank you, sir!

It couldn't have
turned out better.

It surely couldn't
have on account

of you've always liked teaching.

Now, you're going to get to
be doing what you like most.

Brian, I'd like to invite
you over to the PX

and buy you a bottle
of pop, and drink a toast

to the man who helped me
discover my diaphragm. It's a deal.

Well, thank you again, sir.

And thank you, Sergeant Carter

and Sergeant Hacker.

It's been a happy
ending all the way around.

Gomer, you're great.
Come on, let's go!

You've done a great job!

When you get to Washington...

You know something,
Charley? Hmm?

All of a sudden, I just
got the weirdest feeling.

What's that?

That this whole thing
has been something

out of a storybook,

and you and me
are the good fairies.

You noticed how I
had played it, Boyle?

I played it real cool.

I never said he was good,
and I never said he was bad.

That's true, Sarge.

You see, if I said he was bad,

he would've got discouraged.

If I'd said he was good,
he would've got cocky.

So I played it
neutral, and it worked.

Right, Sarge.

Yeah, everything

fell into place
for us just right.

And the best part is,

Pyle will be in Washington

out of my hair for
three whole weeks.

21 solid days of
peace and quiet.

Good luck!

Good luck! Good luck! Good luck!

What is it, Pyle? Your
plane's leaving early?

Better than that, Sergeant.

I was just over
talking to Colonel Gray,

and I told him how you
picked me for the contest.

Well, I believed in you.

I know, Sergeant.

And since you've
been such an inspiration

to me so far, I got to thinking,

wouldn't it be wonderful
if you could go back

to Washington with me and
be by my side for the show?

Well, that would be nice,

but I just couldn't
get away, Pyle.

Well, I told Colonel
Gray about it,

and he thought it
was a real good idea.

So he's assigned you to go
back to Washington with me.

And I've already got the
whole three weeks planned.

We'll see all the
sights together...

The Washington Monument,
the Lincoln Memorial,

the Library of Congress.

Just you and me, Sergeant,

having the time of our lives.