Gomer Pyle: USMC (1964–1969): Season 4, Episode 5 - Gomer, the Beautiful Dreamer - full transcript

Starring... as Gomer Pyle.

Also starring... as
Sergeant Carter.

♪ ♪

Hey, Larry, pass
me another straw.

Sure.

Must be the way I
suck in or something.

It never fails but
they flatten out on me.

Hey, there's Sergeant Carter.

I had a feeling he was
gonna be here tonight.

I just had a feeling.

Excuse me. I'm
gonna go talk to him.

Hey, Sergeant
Carter, Miss Bunny.

Well, hi, Gomer.

Can I talk to you for
a minute, Sergeant?

Yeah.

Well, uh... can I sit down?

Look, Pyle, if you're
thinking of joining us, forget it.

Three is definitely a crowd.

No, Sergeant, I just wanted

to tell you something;
it won't take long.

All right, all right.

Well, uh...

you might think what
I'm gonna tell you's silly.

Real silly.

If it's coming out
of your mouth,

I'm sure I will.

Just promise me
one thing, Sergeant.

Promise me you won't get upset.

Pyle, will you get to the point?

Well, uh, yes, sir.

The point is...

Well, you won't
think I'm silly now...

Pyle!

Yes, sir, I'll tell
you, Sergeant.

Uh, well, you see, uh...

I have these dreams.

Dreams?!

Is that what you came over
here to talk about, dreams?

Well, yes, sir. You see,
what I wanted to say is...

Uh, we'll have the chili.

Or I will, anyway.

What'll you have?

The same.

We'll have something
to drink later.

Now, what makes
you think I would be

the least bit interested
in your dreams?

Well... I have
this knack, see...

What knack?

If I dream something
three times in a row,

it always comes true.

What?! PYLE: That's right.

I dream something three
nights in a row, and it happens.

Pyle, if you're not
out of here in exactly...

Well, wait a minute,
Vince, aren't you curious?

No!

Well, I am. Go on, Gomer.

Well, the reason I came over
here to talk to Sergeant Carter

is I've had three dreams
about him in a row,

and, well... I'm
kind of worried,

because it hadn't been
a very pleasant dream.

Pyle!

Well, wait! Wait!

What's the dream about, Gomer?

Well, it's about the
sergeant's uniform.

It's gonna get all messed up.

Are you gonna sit around
here and listen to this bilge?

Well, wait a minute, Vince.

This is fascinating.

How is it gonna get messed up?

Well, that part's kind of fuzzy,

but I dreamed it was
gonna happen here

at the Bluebird Cafe.

So, you see... Okay,
okay, knock it off!

Now, if this is some kind
of practical joke, Pyle,

I'll tell you right
now I ain't biting.

If you want to go
around telling fortunes,

get yourself a crystal ball and
find yourself a gypsy tearoom.

Now beat it!

Yes, sir.

You see, Sergeant?

Just like I said it would.

Of course, I didn't
dream about the chili,

but I did dream your
uniform would get messed up.

Dreamed it? You caused it!

You're not a psychic,
you're a clumsy idiot!

But I did dream it, Sergeant.

Sergeant, you all right?

Pyle, you better
get out of here...

You and your dreams...
because I just had a dream, too.

I dreamed I almost killed
you with my bare hands.

And I don't have to dream
it three times in a row

to make it come true.

Just one shot and that's it!

Come on, Vince.

Now, Gomer, about these
dreams you're having.

Do you have 'em often?

Oh, yes, ma'am, Miss
Bunny, I most surely do.

More times than I can remember.

Like what?

Well, like the time I
dreamed three times in a row

that my cousin Elroy
was gonna take two trips...

One long one and one short one.

And sure enough,

not more than two days later,

he walked out
there to the mailbox.

That's a long trip?

Oh, no, that was the short trip.

The long trip came after
he found his draft notice.

Isn't that amazing, Vince?

Most of my dreams
are happy ones.

Real happy.

Like, right now,
believe it or not,

I'm having a nice dream
about you, Miss Bunny.

Me? A dream about me?

Well, tell me,
Gomer. What is it?

He says it was a happy one.

So whatever he spills on
you will match your dress.

Come on. Tell me, Gomer.

I can't, Miss
Bunny, I just can't.

Why not?

Well, 'cause I've
only dreamed it twice.

Oh, come on, for me?

I'm sorry, Miss Bunny,
but I don't dream it

a third time, then
it just won't happen.

And I sure would feel bad
about you getting excited

about something so nice

and then maybe it not happen.

Come on, let's get out of here.

I'm beginning to feel like
I'm in Never-Never-Land

with some nut fairy godmother.

Well, Gomer, will you tell me

if you do dream it a third time?

Oh, yes, ma'am, you'll
be the very first to know.

Ecch!

You know, Vince, it's
really sweet of you to give up

your Saturday afternoon

and go shopping
with me like this.

It's not every guy
who'd do that for a girl.

Well, since you're nice enough
to make dinner for us tonight,

it's the least I can do.

You got a penny for my thoughts?

Are you kidding?

In my financial condition?

Well, I'll tell you anyway.

I was just thinking

it'd really be great if we
were shopping like this

on a steady basis.
Wouldn't it, Vince?

Oh, yeah, sure.

How could it be bad?

That is, when the
right time comes.

In due time.

Oh, look! Broccoli!

I didn't know broccoli
was in season.

Miss Bunny! Miss Bunny!

Pyle, what are you doing here?

I'm sorry to bust in

on your shopping
like this, Sergeant,

but I just had to
find Miss Bunny.

Your landlady told
me where you was.

And guess what.

Well, what happened?

Well, you remember I told you

I'd tell you if I dreamed
that dream again?

Well, I did, last night,

and that makes three nights
in a row I've dreamed it.

Wonderful. Well,
we'll see you, Pyle.

Well, wait a minute.

What's the dream, Gomer?

Well, are you all
shopping for dinner tonight?

Yeah.

Well, you can just put it back.

You don't need it. What?

On account of you're going
out tonight... in high style.

You're going out to dinner.

With who, the Duke of Windsor?

No, Sergeant,
that's the best part.

She's going out
to dinner with you.

With me?!

Where? Where are we going?

Well, I don't know for sure.

You see, I didn't get
that far in my dream.

Will you knock it off, Pyle?!

I don't want to hear about it.

Now if you want
to dream so much,

go dream up the name
of a good headshrinker,

because as far as I'm concerned,

there's a lot up there
that needs shrinking.

Vince, what does it
hurt to hear the rest of it?

Because he's a nut, that's why,

and you're just making it worse

by playing along with him.

Now, all I know is people are
pushing into line ahead of us

while you're listening
to Gypsy Pete here

spin his wheels.

Now, come on, let's go.

Is this your cart, ma'am?

Yes, it is.

Well, congratulations!

You're our
one-millionth customer!

What? What...?

Congratulations, miss!

As president of Food-O-Rama
Markets, Incorporated,

I hereby declare you
our one millionth customer

and winner of $100
worth of free groceries.

Oh, Vince!

And not only that,

to help celebrate the event,

we want you to have a night

on the town in Los Angeles,

all expenses paid.

Golly!

Oh, it happened just
like you said, Gomer!

Golly! I never
dreamed it'd be this big.

I dreamed you'd go
out, but golly, golly, golly!

I just can't believe it!

Well, isn't that
something, Vince?

What do you say now, huh?

That's it, Sergeant.

That's the limousine
that's gonna take you

and Miss Bunny
out to dinner tonight,

with a chauffeur and everything.

Yeah.

I wonder if I'm
gonna have to tip him.

I don't think so, Sergeant.

They said everything
was taken care of.

Well, I'll just slip
him a little change.

Well, whatever you
do, you just be sure

and have a real
good time tonight.

And I appreciate you giving me

a lift into town.

Well, it's the least
I can do, Pyle.

After all, you dreamed
all this up, didn't you?

Well... Well, I
better get Bunny.

Excuse me, Sergeant.

What, Pyle?

Do you mind if I hang around?

Huh? What for?

Well, I'd like to watch you
and Miss Bunny drive away.

It's like Prince Charming
and Cinderella going to the ball

in their pumpkin coach.

You read a lot, don't you, Pyle?

Okay, suit yourself.

Hey, Bunny, what're ya doin'?!

Our limousine is waitin'!

Help me call her, Pyle.

Miss Bunny, the
limousine is here!

Our limousine is here!

Chauffeured limousine is here!

Our limousine,
with the chauffeur!

Thanks. Thanks a million, Mac.

Uh, Bunny, do you
have any change?

What?

Never mind.

Man, was that an evening

or was that an evening?

I'll say.

I never had such a
wonderful time in my whole life.

What do you say we
have a little nightcap?

Want to split a can of beer?

Oh, Vince, I got
to get some sleep.

I'm dead on my feet.

One polka too many, huh?

Well, at least let
me say good night.

With pleasure.

Pyle?!

Pyle, what are you doing here?

Well, hey, Sergeant.

I missed the last
bus back to the base

and I thought I'd
just wait here for you.

I sure hope you don't mind.

Did y'all have a nice time?

Oh, I'll say. Didn't we, Vince?

Yeah, we had a ball.

Excuse me. I must have
really dozed off there.

And I just remembered
the dream I had.

Yeah? Did you
dream again, Gomer?

What did you dream?

I'm afraid to say, Miss Bunny.

Why?

Well, as pretty as
you look right now,

it wasn't half as pretty as
you looked in my dream.

Gomer, you dreamed
about me again?

Well, I can't tell
you about what

since I've only dreamed
it two times in a row.

Aw, come on, just
give me one little hint?

Well, you really
want to hear it,

even though I ain't for sure?

Go on, Pyle. Tell her, tell her.

Well, all right.

I just dreamed that you
proposed marriage to Miss Bunny.

You didn't!

Uh-huh.

Did you dream when, Gomer?

Soon, real soon, Miss Bunny.

Well, isn't that
the cutest dream

you've ever heard?

Now all I gotta do is dream it

one more night in
a row and that's it...

You'll be Mr. and Mrs.
Vince Carter for sure.

Best wishes, Sergeant.

Best wishes!

Pyle... the one time you'd think
he couldn't cause me any trouble

is when he's asleep.

Now he's killing me
with his eyes closed.

What are you worried about?

So maybe he has a weird knack

of dreaming the future.

But no dream is gonna
make you pop the question

unless you want to.

I know all that, but
Bunny's always griping

about "When are we
gonna get married,"

and all she needs is
a little encouragement.

So?

So all I know is if he dreams

that dream a third night,

she's not gonna
let up for a minute.

You sound like you
believe in this stuff.

Ah, I don't believe
it; Bunny does.

Well, if she does, she's
liable to propose to you.

Can girls do that?

Happens all the time.

But ain't they got to wait
for leap year or something?

Any other time it ain't legal.

You know what I gotta do, Boyle?

As silly as it sounds,

I gotta keep him from
dreaming it for a third night.

Yeah... yeah, that's
what I gotta do.

Keep him from dreaming.

How you gonna do that?

Well, you don't dream if
you don't sleep, do you?

You wouldn't.

I can tell already the kind
of night this is gonna be.

I'm gonna be asleep before
my head hits that pillow.

Pyle... Pyle. Hmm? Hmm...?

Oh, hey, Sergeant.

Get your clothes on and report
to the Duty Hut on the double.

I got a special detail for you.

Right now?

Now.

Right away, sir.

Okay, Pyle, I want
you to start... Pyle!

I want you to
start putting these

in alphabetical order.

You got that?

Yes, sir.

Ah-ah-ah.

Here, Sergeant Carter.

Hmm?

So soon?

Well, let's see how you did.

Oh, no.

Huh?

These are in alphabetical order.

Yes, sir, just like
you wanted it.

No, Pyle, that's
not what I wanted.

I wanted them by the date.

Requisitions are
always by the date.

Didn't you know that?

Pyle... Pyle! Huh?

You're not going to sleep
on the job, are you, boy?

Oh, no, Sergeant.

Uh, I finished the last of them.

Well, let's see.

By the date, just
like you wanted them.

Uh-huh.

Yeah... well, nice work, Pyle.

Thank you, Sergeant.

Yep, so much for part one.

Part one?!

Well, that's right.

We still got to get to
the personnel records.

Pyle! Pyle!

Personnel records.

Pyle!

You're sleeping on
the job again, Private.

You better get with it.

Yes, Sergeant.

I'm all finished with
the personnel records.

Oh, really?

The 3 x 5 cards, too?

What 3 x 5 cards, Sergeant?

For the cross-index,
Pyle; the cross-index.

Didn't I tell you about that?

I'm all finished, Sergeant.

Sergeant?

Sergeant Carter?

Good night, Sergeant.

Dearly beloved, we're
gathered here today

to join this man and this woman

in holy matrimony.

Do you, Miss Bunny,

take this man to be your
lawfully wedded husband?

I do.

And do you, Sergeant Carter,

take this woman to be
your lawfully wedded wife?

I-I do.

The ring?

Place the ring on
the bride's finger

and repeat after me:

With this ring, I thee wed.

With this ring, I thee wed.

If there's anyone present
who knows of any reason

why these two should not be wed,

let him speak now or
forever hold his peace.

I sure can't think
of any reason.

If anybody was meant

to be man and wife,
it's Sergeant Carter

and Miss Bunny.

They're perfect for
each other; just perfect.

So go ahead with the
ceremony and tie the knot.

I now pronounce
you man and wife.

Sergeant Carter,
Sergeant Carter?!

Pyle, since when do
you come running in here

like some kind of
wild elephant, huh?

Now you get out of
here and come in right.

I'm sorry, Corporal, but I just
had to see the sergeant right away.

I've got good news for him.

Well, you're too
late... he's gone.

On a Sunday morning?
Before breakfast?

Where to?

Look, Pyle, don't be so nosy.

It's real important,
Corporal, just real important.

Where did he go?

Well, I heard him talk to his
girlfriend Bunny on the phone.

I suppose that's where he went.

Then I better get over
there and tell them both.

Huh?

He's gonna do it.

He's gonna do it!

Well, I figured with
Pyle dreaming it,

and me dreaming
it right on top of him,

it could only mean one thing...

the handwriting's on the wall.

Uh-huh. So?

So I get the message.

I know when I'm licked.

So?

So I'm through fighting.

It's inevitable we're
gonna get married,

so we might as well
get married right now.

Vince, is this a proposal?

What do you think it
is, for crying out loud?

Well, if it is, then
no, thank you.

We'll go down
to city hall, and...

What did you say?

I said no, thank you.

Oh, that's great.

Ever since we've
been going together

you've been trying to
drag me down the aisle.

Now that I'm ready
to be dragged,

you suddenly let go of the rope.

What's with you?

Look, Vince, nobody should
be dragged to the altar.

Both parties should
walk on their own two feet.

When you're ready...
I mean really ready...

You'll know.

And then you'll be happy
to walk down the aisle.

It won't be a march
to the gallows.

Well, gee, I didn't mean
for it to sound that way.

I know you didn't, Vince, but...

Who is it?

Surprise! Surprise! Surprise!

I just had to be the first
one to congratulate you two.

Something old, something new,

something borrowed...

if you'll excuse
me, something blue.

Well, Gomer... Pyle...

Did he ask you yet, Miss
Bunny? Did he ask you?

I am so thrilled.

I just want you to know

you're getting
one of the nicest,

biggest-hearted men I've
ever had the pleasure...

Pyle, knock it off!

But I dreamed it, Sergeant.

I dreamed it three
times in a row

that you was going to
propose to Miss Bunny.

Well, he did propose, Gomer.

But I said no.

You did?

That's right, Pyle.

So that takes care of
your cockeyed theory about

three dreams in a row
always coming true.

Oh, no, Sergeant,
they came true.

Huh?

I only dreamed that you was

going to propose to Miss Bunny.

I never dreamed anything about
how she was going to answer.

What?!

But, any time now,

I'm liable to dream that
Miss Bunny answers yes.

Ain't that something, though?

Just think... when you two
finally decide to get married,

I'm going to know
it before you do.

Hey, Miss Bunny.

Hi, Gomer.

Golly, are you in
for a big surprise.

Surprise for me?

Just you wait, just
you wait, Miss Bunny.

You're going to get
the nicest present ever.

Gomer, have you
been dreaming again?

Okay, Pyle, let's
keep the aisles free.

Hey, Sergeant Carter.

Hi, baby doll.

I'm sorry I'm late, but here...

Let my deeds
speak for themselves.

Vince! For me?

Who else?

Shazam! You see, Miss Bunny?

It's just a little token
to commemorate

our new
relationship, that's all.

Oh, Vince, you're crazy.
You shouldn't have.

Yeah, I know, I
know, but that's me.

They say good things
come in small packages.

Well... Gomer, you did it again.

He did what again?

Well, Gomer dreamed I was going
to get a beautiful present tonight.

Right, Gomer? Oh, no, I didn't
dream it, Miss Bunny, I saw it.

Saw it?

Ain't that right, Sergeant.

Next door, not ten minutes ago,

Larry and me stopped off
to get some pencil leads,

and there you were,
shopping for Miss Bunny

at the five-and-dime.

The five-and-dime?!

Actually, I haven't been
having any dreams lately.

Not a single one.

Been sleeping like a log.

The five-and-dime?

Go ahead and open
it up, Miss Bunny.