Gomer Pyle: USMC (1964–1969): Season 3, Episode 23 - Lou-Ann Poovie Sings Again - full transcript

Starring... as Gomer Pyle.

Also starring... as
Sergeant Carter.

♪ ♪

Hey, Gom, you got
any shaving cream?

I just ran out.

Yeah, sure.

Ooh, how about
some of that hair tonic?

Can I use a little of that?

Oh, sure.

Uh, do you have any cologne?

No, I don't.

Boy, you never have anything.

Hey, Pyle.

Yeah? You got a
visitor in the rec room.

I have? Who is it?

I don't know, but (whistles)
she's really something.

You better get over there.

Hey, who can that be?

A dame for you?

I don't know.

Hey, wait a minute,
Gomer, I'll go with you.

Well, for goodness sake!

Surprise, surprise, surprise.

I can't believe it.

Look who's here. Lou Ann Poovie.

I mean Mrs. Lou Ann Eford.

Where's your husband?
Is he here with you?

No, Gomer. He's not?

Well, are you here alone?

Well, actually, I
don't have a husband.

You mean you didn't
marry Monroe Eford,

the boy whose daddy
run the feed store?

Well, actually, I didn't.

Well, the last time
you were here,

you went home
specifically to marry Monroe.

I know.

But actually, the wedding
just never came off.

Well, why? What happened?

Well... we were right
there in the church,

and the preacher got
to that part that says

"Do you take this
man forever and ever

till death do you part?"

And I got to thinking.

Uh-huh.

Well, that's an awful long time.

So I asked him to
repeat the question.

Well, what happened then? Well,

when he asked me again,
"Do you take this man

forever and ever till
death do you part?"

I just said...
"Well, actually, no."

You didn't?

Uh-huh, and I'm not sorry.

Monroe was making unkind remarks

about how I wore
too much mascara.

And he was forever reminding me

about the foolish
thing I'd done,

coming off to California

to look for a career
in show business.

Well, you know how important
my singing is to me, Gomer.

Oh, I do.

Well, guess what?

I got my old job back
at the Congo Club.

And I'll be singing
there tonight.

Will you come?

Why, I'd like to very much.

Oh! Well, I'll be darned.

Look who's here...
Miss Lou Ann Poovie.

I mean, Mrs. Lou Ann Eford.

That was it, Eford, wasn't it?

Well, actually... She
ain't married, Duke.

She never did marry Monroe.

Here name's still
Lou Ann Poovie.

You didn't? How come?

Well, actually...

She just changed
her mind's what.

She just changed her mind.

She's got her old job back
singing at the Congo Club.

Ain't that nice?

Yeah, isn't it ever?

Oh, my goodness,
I'd better be going.

I just wanted to
stop in and say hey

on account of you boys are
the best friends I've got here.

Oh, I am, I am. I
mean, we are, we are.

And, listen, Lou Ann, we'll
walk you back to the gate

and get you a taxi.

Oh, thank you.

Look, Lou Ann,
it's Sergeant Carter.

Hello, Sergeant Carter.

Is it really you? I
can't believe my eyes.

Lou Ann Poover. Poovie.

Yeah, but now
it's Mrs. Lou Ann...

Still Poovie.

She never did get
married, Sergeant.

You didn't? How come?

Well, actually, she just changed
her mind at the last minute.

You know what they
say, Sergeant Carter,

it's a woman's prerogative
to change her mind.

Yeah.

Yeah, well, don't you ever lose

that little old prerogative.

And she's back
here to live, Sergeant.

She's back singing
at the Congo Club.

Isn't that something?

Is that so?

Singing and single, huh?

That's right, Sergeant Carter,

I'm just a free as
a little old sparrow.

Wonderful, wonderful.

Well, where are you going now?

Oh, I just dropped in to say hey

and the boys were
walking me to the gate

to get me a taxi.

Oh.

Well, that's very
thoughtful of them.

But, apparently,
they forgot about

a little detail they were on.

What detail, Sarge?

You mean I forgot to tell you?

The windows in my
office, they're a sight.

You mean, I didn't tell you?

No, Sergeant,
you didn't tell us.

How about that.

Well, that's the
detail, my windows.

So you boys get
right on it, will you?

And I'll walk Lou
Ann to the gate.

So long, boys.

Bye, Gomer. Bye, Duke.

Bye, Lou Ann. Bye, Lou Ann.

See you all later. So...

you're free as a little
old sparrow, huh?

(jazz combo playing)

(applause)

Hello, Sergeant.
Hello, Corporal.

So nice to see you all.

Oh, hey, boys. Come on down.

Hey, wait, there ain't
room for everybody.

Oh, well, we'll make room.

I've only got a minute to visit.

We'll just all squeeze together.

That's fun.

You don't mind being
a little crowded, do you?

I sure don't mind.

It's more fun this way.

Now if you boys want to
order, you just go right ahead.

I don't think I'll have
time for anything.

Oh, actually,

I better be getting back
to the orchestra now.

But I'll see you later.

Bye.

Bye, Lou Ann.

Bye, hon.

Hold it, boys.

I have a little
announcement to make.

What's that, Sergeant?

Well, we're all
standing up, right?

Now here's the
way it's gonna be.

All those who sit
down are going to stay.

Sit down, Boyle.

All those who remain standing

are going to remain standing.

Or move to another table.

Or better yet,
return to the base.

In any case, those who

remain standing will not resume

their seated
position at this table.

You want us to go, Sergeant?

You have got a good head
on your shoulders, Pyle.

Bye, Pyle. Good-bye, Slater.

But, Sarge, we
just... Look, Slater,

two's company, three's a crowd.

Four's not allowed,

and five's dumb,
stupid and ridiculous.

Good-bye, Slater.

Come on, Gomer.

Okay, bye, Sergeant.

Would you please
explain to Miss Lou Ann

why we had to leave,

about how we remained standing?

Yeah, yeah, I'll
tell her about it.

Just go, go, go.

Surprised you let me stay.

Well, as a matter of fact,

I'm glad you brought
that up, Boyle.

Now you want me to go, too?

I didn't say that.

But if you did just
happen to want to leave,

I would not insist you stay.

This time, there are
gonna be no mistakes.

This time, it's just gonna
be me and Lou Ann all alone.

Just us, the night
and the music.

(singing off-key):
♪ C'est si bon ♪

♪ Lovers say that in France ♪

Still here, Boyle?

♪ When they thrill to romance ♪

♪ It means that
it's so good... ♪

I tell you, Gomer, the
more I think about it,

the madder I get.

Come on, Duke, forget about it.

Let's go to a movie.

The last show don't
start for ten minutes yet.

We got plenty of time.

No, I'm not going to the movie.

I'm going back inside.

Golly, Duke.

I wouldn't after what
Sergeant Carter said

about remaining standing.

Yeah, but he didn't say we
had to go back to the base.

No, that's true.

But if you do go
back in there... Huh?

Remain standing.

See you later, Gomer.

♪ It's so good ♪

♪ Nothing else can replace ♪

♪ Just your slightest embrace ♪

♪ And if you only would ♪

♪ Be my own ♪

♪ For the rest of my days ♪

♪ I will whisper this phrase ♪

♪ My darling, c'est si bon ♪

♪ I mean, it's, oh, so good ♪

♪ When I say c'est si bon. ♪

Hey, buddy. Huh?

We're closing up.

What? We're closing up.

Hey, Sarge.

(imitates bugle call)

Well, Sarge, we got to close up.

Where is everybody?

Where's Miss Poovie, the singer?

She left a little while ago.

She what?

Golly, Sergeant.

These files sure are messed up.

Looks just like
somebody come in here

and shuffled them all
up like a deck of cards.

Yeah, they're in awful
shape, aren't they?

That's why I picked you two guys

to straighten them out.

I know you'll do
a very careful job

even if it takes
you till midnight.

Don't you worry, Sergeant,
we won't let you down.

But how in the world these
get mixed up like this anyway?

Who knows?

Just do a good job.

However it happened,
it's remarkable

that the sergeant trusts
only us to fix it back up.

Oh, shut up,
Gomer, just shut up.

(chuckling)

Thank you very much

for walking me home,
Sergeant Carter.

It's my pleasure.

Well, good night.

Say, what about tomorrow night?

Tomorrow night?

Well, yeah, it's your
night off, ain't it?

Didn't you say?

Well, yes. Great.

I was thinking we'd go out
to dinner tomorrow night,

you know, to celebrate
your coming back.

Well... you know, actually,

that does sound
like a nice idea.

A celebration. Yeah.

Where would you like to go?

You name it.

Well, actually, we
could have dinner

right here at my place.

It'd be more fun that
way, don't you think?

Yeah, yeah, that's great.

Shall we say 7:30?

That'd be fine. Perfect.

And, listen, don't buy any wine

because that's my department.

All right.

Good night, Sergeant Carter.

Lou Ann. Yes?

If you don't mind,
I'd rather not come in.

What?

You'd probably like me to stay

so that we can talk
for a while. Well...

But I'm not the pushy type.

Good night, Sergeant
Carter. It's a little late,

so I'd better not come in.

(knocking on door)

Yes?

Lou Ann, you don't mind
my not coming in, do you?

Oh, no, Sergeant, really.

Hard to get, that's the
way I played it, Boyle.

Hard to get.

And, boy, did she go for it.

She was dying for me to come in.

But I played it
cool and distant.

Cool and distant.

What's this? Huh?

That's a bottle of wine.

"Bottled in Warsaw 1961."

Yeah, you don't find much
of that stuff around anymore.

Yeah, you got a good
price on it, too... 89 cents.

Hey, give me that.

You know, Boyle, what I
needed was a campaign.

This playing hard to
get, that was the secret.

You should've
seen her last night

standing there
with the door open.

I didn't budge an inch.

That must've taken
a lot of willpower.

Not willpower, strategy.

You give a little
and gain a lot.

She's inviting me to dinner.

Good.

Well, don't wait up for me.

(knocking)

C'est si bon.

Why, Sergeant Carter.

Flowers, candy, wine.

Have I forgotten anything?

Oh, my gracious, no.

Aren't you sweet and thoughtful.

Well, that's the name
of the game, ain't it?

Come on in.

Okay, boys.

Huh?

Hey, Sergeant.
You're just in time.

The food just came out
of the oven. Hi, Sarge.

What are you guys doing here?

Why, don't you
remember, Sergeant?

It was your idea... to
celebrate my coming back.

Just leave it to you, Sergeant,

just leave it to you

to think of something
thoughtful like this.

Thoughtful,
thoughtful, thoughtful.

Yeah.

You got it, huh?

Right.

You see, Boyle, as long as
these two creeps are around,

I'll never get a chance

to turn on the
steam with this girl.

So?

So, why wait to
be alone with her

to turn on the steam?

Let 'em be around.

What better way is there
for her to compare us?

Huh?

Instead of trying to
get rid of those crumbs,

I encourage them to hang around.

Let her see the
three of us together.

Slater, Pyle and me...

Two wishy-washy nothings
and me, understand?

No.

It's like in advertising.

They show you Brand
X, Y and Z together.

And then they prove Brand
X is better than Y and Z.

And you?

Brand X.

(singing off-key):
♪ Night and day ♪

♪ You are the one ♪

♪ Only you beneath the
moon and under the sun... ♪

Hey, Duke, look,
there's Sergeant Carter.

Yeah.

♪ Whether near to me or far... ♪

Uh-oh, he's coming over here.

Let's beat it.

♪ No matter, darling,
where you are... ♪

Hey, where you going, boys?

Well, Sergeant,
it's a little crowded,

so we thought we'd leave.

Leave? ♪ Night and day... ♪

Well, why don't you come
over and sit down at my table

since it's so crowded.

♪ Day and night... ♪
Your table, Sarge?

You really mean that, Sergeant?

Well, of course I do.

You're here to see Lou Ann,
and I'm here to see Lou Ann.

So why don't we
sit down together.

And later on,
when she's finished,

we can all walk her home.

How does that sound to you?

Come on, come on.

He's drunk, Gomer...
He cockeyed drunk.

♪ In the silence of
my lonely room ♪

♪ I think of you ♪

♪ Night and day... ♪

Sure a nice night
for walking, ain't it?

Come on, boys, don't lag behind.

Well, it is, but why did we come

this way, Sergeant Carter?

This neighborhood
frightens me a little bit.

It does? How come?

I don't like it much
either, Sergeant.

Huh?

What?

What's the matter, Sarge?

Nothing.

Just thought he said something.

Tell you the truth,
Sergeant, I always try to avoid

this part of town myself.

So do I.

What's the matter
with you people?

Are you scared?

You see, Lou Ann,
that's the difference

between some
guys and other guys.

Some guys are afraid
of their own shadows,

other guys are
afraid of nothing.

(wolf whistle)

Wait a minute.

What's the matter, Sarge?

Did you hear that?

That guy whistled.

I didn't hear
anything, Sergeant.

Me neither.

Well, you just wait right here.

Look, buddy, watch
that, you understand?

That's a lady we got with us.

What'd I do?

You know what you did.

So just watch it for
next time, you got that?

Look, Sarge, you shouldn't
get yourself involved like this.

Now after all, you're an NCO.

Now I can handle this guy.

Now you watch it, fella...

Look, Slater, you
don't have to...

Wait a minute,
fellas, wait a minute.

You want to know what I think?

I think this whole thing was
based on a misunderstanding.

You see, when you whistled,

the Sergeant here thought
you were being disrespectful.

But I don't.

I think you were just trying

to pay Miss Poovie over
there a nice compliment.

Huh?

That's right, Miss Poovie is
a very beautiful young lady.

And I don't blame any
man for whistling at her

when he sees her.

But then misunderstandings
happen all the time

and I think we all ought to
be big enough to realize it.

So come on, Sergeant.

Good night, sir,

and it was nice talking to you.

What did you butt in for, Pyle?

And you, too, Slater.

That guy didn't scare me.

Maybe he scared you,
but he didn't scare me.

I know, Sergeant, but why fight

if you don't have to?

Why?

Because chivalry ain't dead.

That's why, Pyle.

(dance music playing)

Is that any way to
dance with a girl?

What does she get out of it?

Does she feel a
strong arm around her?

Does she feel authority,
firmness, strength?

She might as well
be dancing alone.

That's the way they
dance these days, Sarge.

Oh, don't give me that.

A man is still a man

and a woman's still
a woman aren't they?

Just keep your eye on me.

May I?

Is something the matter?

Well, actually, I'm just
trying to catch my breath.

Oh, well, sometimes I... I
don't know my own strength.

(music ends)

Say, Pyle, why don't
you dance with Lou Ann.

You haven't danced with her yet.

I don't know, Sergeant,
maybe she's too tired.

Aw, come on, Pyle, she's
danced with Slater and me.

Now it's your turn.

All right. Would you like
to dance, Miss Lou Ann?

Fine.

See that, Boyle?

Did you see me out
there dancing with her?

Yeah, I saw you.

She said she
couldn't get her breath.

Did you hear that?

She told me she
couldn't get her breath.

Look, Sarge.

(lively jazz tune playing)

Ain't that disgusting?

That's just what a girl
hates... An exhibitionist.

Look at that... She's
so embarrassed,

she can't even
say anything to him.

Sure has been some
kind of an evening.

I really did enjoy it.

How about you, Lou Ann?

Did you have a nice
time this evening?

Oh, just wonderful. Thank you.

Me, too. I just had...

Tell me, Lou Ann,
about this evening...

anybody...
anything in particular

you liked about it?

Oh, I just liked all of it.

CARTER: Yeah, huh?

Well, listen,

suppose two of us
couldn't have made it.

Which one would you have
liked to have been left with?

Oh, you really
want to know that?

Well, sure.

Well... like I said,
I like all of you.

Well, I think of us as being
one great big happy family.

But suppose it had to
be one, just suppose.

There must be one you'd pick.

Well, actually...

I suppose if I got
right down to it,

there is.

Then tell us.

They're men enough...

I mean, we're men enough
to take it, right, Slater?

Yeah, sure.

Well... Duke... Yeah?

You certainly are
thoughtful and sweet.

And I like you a lot.

Yeah? Yeah?

Well, I think of you
just like my own brother.

Your brother?

(chuckles): Hey, that's great.

Slater's a real brotherly guy.

And you, Sergeant Carter..

Vince, Vince.

Vince... Yeah?

Well, you're so strong
and forceful and firm.

When I'm around
you, I feel so safe.

Uh-huh?

It's just as if you
were my own daddy.

Your daddy?

LOU ANN: Mm-hmm.
When I'm with you,

it's just like being
with my daddy.

Your daddy?

Now, would you like
to hear about Gomer?

Ma'am?

Well, after watching
Gomer these past few days,

and seeing how
beautifully he handles

just about every
situation... Huh?

Well... actually, he's the one

I'd like to have for my beau.

Huh?

And I think a beau ought
to walk a girl home at night.

Come on, Gomer.

Golly.

Bye, boys.

Oh, brother.

Oh, Daddy.

Gomer, I hope you don't think
I was being too presumptuous

selecting you as my beau.

But Sergeant Carter kept
on insisting on knowing.

Well, no, I was flattered.

You were?

'Cause I never really
did give you a chance

to say how you felt about me.

Golly, Lou Ann, you
know how I feel about you.

No, I don't, Gomer. How?

Well... I like you.

You do?

Uh-huh.

Well, you can kiss me
good night, Gomer...

if you want to.

Okay, Pyle, hold it right there!

Sergeant Carter, Duke.

Boys, what are you doing here?

Well, you said we were like your
father and your brother, didn't you?

Yes, but... Well, as your father

and your brother, it's up
to us to look out after you

and see that you
get to bed on time.

Sergeant Carter.

And another thing...

We're awfully particular
about who you go out with.

And I don't think
Pyle's exactly right,

do you, Brother?

Definitely not, Dad.