Gomer Pyle: USMC (1964–1969): Season 2, Episode 21 - Little Girl Blue - full transcript
Starring... as Gomer Pyle.
Also starring... as
Sergeant Carter.
♪ ♪
Just think, a full colonel's
gonna be visiting our colonel.
That'll be two
colonels right here.
Four colonel eyes
looking right at us.
How about that?
Hey, anything special, Corporal?
Looks like a bulletin.
Very good, and only a PFC.
What's it say?
It's a voluntary extra duty.
You mean they want
volunteers for extra duty?
This is for dough. For dough.
You get a buck and
a quarter an hour.
Sound better to you guys?
No kidding. How
much work's involved?
So little, even you
guys could do it.
Well, what is it?
Well, you know the colonel
that's visiting our colonel?
DUKE: Colonel
Matthews? That's right.
Anyway, our colonel is having
a dinner party Saturday night
and he needs three
extra guys to help out.
What doing, Corporal?
Oh, I don't know,
I guess busboy.
You know, waiting on the
tables, serving the drinks.
Why, you guys interested?
Well, I sure am.
I'd consider it an
honor and a privilege
to help our colonel out.
Even without getting paid.
Speak for yourself, Gomer.
Yeah. Hey, put
me down, Corporal.
Yeah, and me, too.
You, too, Gome?
Right.
And the pay is
really unimportant.
I just want to...
Gomer, stow it.
We're all in, Corporal.
And Gomer will donate his
pay to his favorite charity... me.
Okay.
If you three guys are it,
I might as well take
down this notice.
Yeah, thanks, Corporal.
Just think, me
hobnobbing with colonels.
Gomer, you're not going to
be a guest, you'll be a busboy.
Still, the folks back
home'd be real proud of me.
Why, it might even get
put in Mayberry After Dark.
I think I'll write 'em.
What's Mayberry After Dark?
That's the society column
of the Mayberry Gazette.
And in it, they got
social notes from all over.
Imagine: "Colonel Edward
Gray gave a reception
"for Colonel Matthews who's
visiting Camp Henderson.
"Private First Class
Gomer Pyle of this city
attended as a busboy."
You're on the way up
the social ladder, Gomer.
What do you guys
think you're doing?
Well, we was just... I don't
care what you're doing.
Don't you people know
that Colonel Gray is bringing
Colonel Matthews and his
family on a tour of this base,
and they're due to tour
right in front of your barracks
in exactly five minutes?
Well, what're you standing
around for? Move it!
Right, Sergeant.
Right, Sergeant.
Hey, Sergeant.
You hear me, Pyle? Get
going. Right, Sergeant.
But first I wanted to
tell you about that detail
I signed up for. Huh?
That there voluntary duty
detail for the colonel's party.
Me and Duke and
Frankie signed up for it.
You're kidding.
Pyle, you didn't.
Uh-huh. Why, Sergeant?
Why?! I'm in charge
of that detail, that's why.
You are?
Then we'll be bussing together.
How about that?
Surprise, surprise, surprise!
Knock it off! You
haven't been picked yet.
With a little luck, maybe I'll
get three other volunteers.
Oh, no, Sergeant.
We was the first one to see it
and we told the corporal
and he put us down. Pyle...
Why, it'll be a real honor
to get to work in the
colonel's living quarters.
And now, hearing that
you gonna be in charge,
my cup runneth over.
Your cup'll runneth
over all right,
if you happen to be
one of the volunteers.
Now, get moving.
That visiting party
is due any second.
Right, Sergeant. Pyle!
Yes, Sergeant?
Pyle, you have a button missing.
I do. I sure do.
You know, I've
been having trouble
with that button popping off.
You're very observant,
you know that, Sergeant?
Pyle, you knucklehead,
you get back to your quarters
and get that button
sewed on, you hear me?
You got exactly three
minutes! Now go!
And I can do it, too, in
three minutes, Sergeant.
You want to know why?
On account of I'm real
good at threading a needle.
That's where a lot
of folks eat up time
is threading the needle.
Go! Go!
Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go!
Sewing kit, sewing
kit, sewing kit.
Gomer, what're you doing?
We're supposed to be falling
in outside, right about now.
Sewing kit.
What are you going to do? Shh!
I only got three minutes.
Needle, needle, needle, needle.
Needle.
You're gonna sew? Now?
Button, button, button.
Gomer, you got to be kidding.
CARTER: All
right, fall in! Fall in!
On the double! On the double!
All right, you people!
Move it! Move it!
Let's go! Move it!
Move it! Move it!
Come on, dress it up!
Pyle! Will you get out here?!
All right, come on. Shape up!
At ease!
Hey, Sergeant, I did it.
Wonderful.
I almost didn't do it, though.
I only had time to
sew it through once,
but it'll do for temporary.
Here they come, Pyle. Fall in.
Come on, move, move, move, move.
Ten-hut!
You dropped your button.
Pyle, when you're at attention,
you don't button buttons
and you don't
wave at little girls.
Well, right, Sergeant,
but I was just trying to...
Pyle... will you get
that button sewed on
and see that it stays on?
Right, Sergeant.
All right.
The rest of you, dismissed!
Button, button,
button, button...
Button, button, button...
Here you are, Vince.
What's that?
Duty roster for Colonel
Gray's dinner party.
Let's see...
Lombardi, Slater, Pyle.
This is it? Yeah,
what's the matter?
What's the matter?
Pyle is on that list
and you want to know
what's the matter?
He was the first
one to sign for it.
I know, he told me.
But who thought they'd take him?
Well, as soon as I had three
volunteers, I turned 'em in.
They're set. Smart. Smart.
Thanks, Boyle.
What do you want from me, Vince?
If you didn't want
him on that detail,
you should've stopped him.
Yeah, thanks a lot.
I know. They're after me.
Huh? It's a test.
How much can Carter take?
They're always testing...
Boot camp, NCO School,
and now, Pyle as a busboy.
Well, I can take it.
I was in Korea.
I think I can take this.
Come on, Vince, you're
making a big deal out of it.
It's only one guy
at a dinner party
for a couple of colonels.
No, no, no. I gotta stop it.
It's like watching an accident
that's about to happen
and not doing anything.
What're you gonna do?
I'm gonna stop it.
I'm gonna stop this...
this accident that's
about to happen.
That's really all.
I just wanted to see you men
and make doubly
sure you were aware
of your responsibilities
for this evening.
We certainly are, sir. Good.
And, sir, even though
this duty calls for extra pay,
I consider it an honor and
a privilege just to serve.
The money is really unimportant.
Well, that's a generous
attitude, Private.
The fact is you are
performing a voluntary duty
and you're entitled
to something for it.
(knocking on door) Come in.
Yes, Sergeant?
Oh, I'm sorry, sir.
I didn't realize the
colonel was busy.
I can come back later. No, no.
I'm glad you stopped by.
I think these men will be fine
for the dinner party tonight.
And since they're
members of your platoon,
I'm certain you
can vouch for them.
Uh... yes, sir.
(chuckles nervously) Fine.
I'll see you men
at my house later.
(nervous chuckling)
Okay, Pyle, this is it.
So you were picked.
Just remember one thing.
I'm gonna be watching you.
I'm gonna be
watching you real good.
Oh, I'll appreciate
that, Sergeant.
Don't you hesitate to tell
me if I do something wrong.
Okay, you guys, hustle it up.
And, Pyle, you be
careful. I'm watching you.
Right, Sergeant.
I wish he'd quit telling
me he's watching me.
Makes a person nervous
to be watched all the time.
Just be careful.
He's watching you.
Well, now you're doing it.
Knock off the talk. Work.
Just keep your eye
on what you're doing.
Come on, you guys.
I'll show you where
that stuff goes.
Hey, little girl.
Hello.
You're the one with the button.
Yeah.
And I want to thank you
for picking it up for me, too.
My daddy's a Marine.
He's Colonel Matthews, so I
know how important buttons are.
Oh, well, thank you, again.
My name's Gomer.
What's yours? Margaret.
What ya doing
with that there ball,
playing "One, Two,
Three O'Leary"?
No. Miss Sims
told me not to play
'cause I might get
my clothes dirty.
Miss Sims?
Uh-huh, she's the lady
who takes care of me.
Oh, that's too bad. I
know just how you feel.
Sergeant Carter's the
very same way with me.
When I get my clothes
dirty, he gets real upset.
'Course, they just
doin' their jobs.
I guess.
But it isn't any fun.
Well, there's games you
can play without getting dirty.
Oh, it doesn't matter.
There's nobody to play 'em with.
Oh.
Well, there's games
that you can play alone
without getting dirty.
Like what?
Well, there's just
a whole lot of 'em.
Like, uh... "One,
Two, Three O'Leary."
Or jacks.
That's even better.
Jacks? Uh-huh.
'Course you should
play it with two,
but you can play it by yourself.
I don't know how to play jacks.
You don't?
Well, I thought all little
girls knew how to play jacks.
Here, I'll show you.
Uh-oh, we don't have any jacks.
Well, maybe we can use
something around here.
I'll look in here
and see if I can
find something we
can use for jacks.
Oh, here, we can use this.
They're sugar cubes.
Here, I'll just put
these out like this.
Now, you have to get down
on your hands and knees,
and be real careful
not to get dirty.
Wait a minute, though.
Now, you kneel down on this
and be real sure
you don't get off of it.
Now, what you do,
you throw the ball up,
but you can't let it
bounce but once,
and then you grab a
cube and catch the ball,
like this.
See? Now, if you
get one all right,
then you can go for twosies.
Twosies?! Uh-huh.
And you go all the
way up to sevensies.
Oh.
Now, there you go.
Now, you're gonna
go for onesies.
Hey! I did it!
See? I told you it
wasn't very hard.
Twosies? Twosies.
Boy! You sure catch on fast.
Threesies?
Threesies.
(both laughing)
Margaret, what are you doing?
Just playing.
I told you not to get dirty.
We're on a trip and you don't
have enough dresses to change.
Well, don't blame her, ma'am.
She was playing
but I put her up to it.
But I paid special attention
to see that she
didn't get dirty.
You see, I put down my...
If I were you, I would just
stick to my job.
Let's go in the house,
Margaret, and get cleaned up.
Pyle, where have you
been? I've been waiting...!
What's wrong?
Anything the matter?
Sergeant, doesn't the
private have anything to do?
He seems to have nothing to do.
Huh?
Come, Margaret. Really!
What was that all about?
Well, little Margaret,
that's Colonel
Matthews's daughter.
Well, she was looking
kind of lonely, poor thing,
and I was just showing
her how to play jacks.
Jacks?! Uh-huh.
And, boy, did she
take to it, Sergeant.
You should've seen her
eyes when she hit threesies
for the first time.
But she seems like a
right unhappy little girl.
You know who's gonna
be unhappy, Pyle?
You're gonna be unhappy.
Now get that stuff in the house
where it belongs, on the double.
I warned you, Pyle.
I'm watching you.
Well, Sergeant, I was just...
Don't talk! Just do it! Do it!
(mellow jazz playing)
Everywhere you look,
brass and brass's wives.
Hey, do you see
Colonel Matthews?
Yeah, there he is,
talking to Colonel Gray.
Golly, two colonels
out there talking
and me right
here in the kitchen.
Boy, if Mayberry
could only see me now.
Watch it, here comes
Sergeant Carter.
Well, well, what are you
knuckleheads standing around for?
Well, we were just
waiting, Sarge...
Well, you don't
have to wait anymore.
Come on, Lombardi, grab
this tray and get it out there.
Slater, you take the punch.
What you want
me to do, Sergeant?
You?
Yeah, you just
name it and I'll do it.
Yeah... let's see, what's safe?
Oh, I know what
you can do, Pyle.
See them bags of
potato chips over there?
Well, just open them bags
and put the potato chips
on this large tray here.
Then what?
That's all... just put
the chips on the tray.
And then take
the tray out there?
No.
Just put the chips on the tray.
Right, Sergeant.
What are you guys
waiting around for?
Move out.
Just put the chips
on the tray, that's all.
What are you
fixing there, ma'am?
This is avocado dip.
Avocado dip?
That's right.
Well, back home if you
brought that out to the table
they'd swear it was
pistachio ice cream all melty.
Hi, Gomer.
Hey, Margaret.
Golly! Don't you look pretty.
Thank you.
I just came down to tell you...
I'm sorry for getting
you in trouble before.
Oh, no, I'm sorry.
I'm the one who
got you in trouble.
What you doing?
I'm putting these here
potato chips on this tray.
I guess it's to dip in that
there bowl of avocado dip.
Oh.
To tell the truth, though, don't that look
just like pistachio ice cream all melty?
It looks good.
You want some?
Is it all right?
I don't think they'd
miss a little bit.
There you go.
Oh, my goodness, you
got it all over your dress.
Oh, Miss Sims will be mad.
Well, we'll just wipe it
off before she sees it.
Margaret!
I'm sorry, Miss Sims.
Oh, it's your clean dress.
It'll wipe right off, ma'am.
I'm as sorry as I can be, ma'am.
What's going on here?
Now what did he do?
Why don't you ask the private.
Just for this, Margaret, you're
going to have to stay in your room.
Now come along.
But ma'am, she
shouldn't get punished.
Pyle...
But, Sergeant, she
shouldn't get punished.
It was an accident.
Wasn't nobody's fault, honest.
Pyle, what is this, huh?
What is it, a conspiracy?
Huh?
Yeah, that's it, a conspiracy.
First, you get the youngest
member of the family,
and you work all the
way up to the colonel.
You're out to destroy
us all, aren't you?
I'm not, Sergeant.
Then get cutting or I'll
throw you out of here.
Did you empty them
potato chips like I told you?
Well, I was
starting... Do it! Do it!
Here, you can take
this out now, Private.
Ma'am?
Take the tray
and pass it around.
Yes, ma'am.
Where's the other
private that was in here?
Who?
The man who was working
on the potato chips...
Where did he go?
Oh, I sent him out with a tray.
You didn't!
Care for some dip, sir?
It's avocado.
Well, thank you, Private.
You care for some dip, sir?
Thank you.
Care for some more, sir?
(whispering): Look over there.
Over there.
(whispering):
Colonel... wants... dip!
I'm-I'm sorry, sir.
Let me get you a towel.
I'm-I'm-I'm sorry, sir.
You did it, didn't you, Pyle?
I did it. I really did it.
I just stood there and watched 16
years in the Marines go down in the dip.
Towel, towel, towel, towel...
With my own eyes, I saw it.
Sergeant, I deserve every
word you're going to yell at me,
but first I've got
to find a towel.
There's a colonel out there
with a whole handful
of avocado dip.
(loud clattering
and glass breaking)
Golly, Sergeant, can I pick
it up when I come back?
You're not coming back.
Get out of here.
Get out of this
house and stay out!
Get out of here before they
declare this place a disaster area!
Out! Out! Out!
Out!
Out!
MARGARET: Gomer.
Hey, Gomer.
Hey, Margaret.
Is the dinner party over?
No.
Then why are you leaving?
Well, it's over for me.
What?
Well, my work's
finished and I got to go.
Oh.
I'll see you, Margaret.
Gomer... Huh?
I won't see you anymore.
I'm leaving tomorrow.
You are? Uh-huh.
We're going to
Hawaii for awhile.
Can't you come up
and say good-bye?
Well... I really shouldn't.
Well, just for a minute.
I won't see you again. Please?
Well, I don't guess
a minute will hurt.
My, my, my!
And here's Mommy and
Daddy and me in Paris.
Well, I'll be.
And here we are in Bangkok.
That's in Thailand.
Well, boy, you sure get
around a lot for a young'un.
I bet you have fun.
Well, not all the time.
Huh?
You see, Daddy has
to go to a lot of meetings
and gatherings and things.
And I have to spend a
lot of time with Miss Sims.
Oh.
Miss Sims is nice,
but she doesn't know
how to play games.
Most grownups don't know
how to play any fun games.
Except you, Gomer.
You know how to play
games and everything.
Aw... That's why I'm glad
you could come
up and visit with me
before I go away.
Well, I'm sure glad
I could come, too.
Hey, look at all them
records over there.
Are they yours?
Uh-huh.
Why don't we pick out
a cheering-up record
on account I think we both
could use some cheering up.
Okay?
Hey, here's a good one.
Get it on...
(big band jazz playing)
(footsteps pounding)
I wonder what that is.
What room is that above us?
Is it Margaret's? Yes, it is.
Well, you don't think
she fell down, do you?
Maybe we better go see.
Oh, dear, dear,
are you all right?
Mm-hmm.
We heard the noise.
Is anything wrong, sir?
Pyle?!
What's going on, Private?
Well, we was just
playing some records...
Sergeant, did you give this
man permission to come up here?
No, sir.
With the colonel's permission,
I'll get him back
to his quarters.
I'll have him confined,
if the colonel wishes.
No, don't!
It's not Gomer's fault!
I invited him to come up here.
Daddy, please don't let them
do anything to Gomer, please?
We were having fun
because Gomer knows
how to play games
that most grownups don't
even know how to play,
and he knows how to dance
and sing songs,
and he's my friend.
Ed... Now, I realize
this is your base
and I don't want to interfere,
but if you could see
a way clear to, uh...
You don't want him punished?
Well, actually, he didn't
disobey any orders,
and outside of being a
pretty rotten busboy...
Sure.
Well, see, Ed, we
travel a great deal.
Margaret doesn't have a
chance to make many friends,
and when I see her
having a little fun...
I understand.
Yeah. You know, maybe
he should be commended.
He was actually
entertaining her.
Uh, shall I take him, sir?
Oh, certainly not.
Private, thank you.
Thank you for
Margaret and for us.
Oh, thank you, Daddy.
Sergeant, he's a good man.
Yes, sir, a good man.
He's a very good man.
I don't know why
they wanted you for this detail,
but I ain't taking any chances;
I'm watching you like a hawk.
You don't have to
do that, Sergeant.
I'm gonna be real careful.
Gomer!
Oh, hey, Margaret!
Guess what?
I got you a going-away present
on account of your going away.
It's real jacks.
I got 'em at the PX.
I never thought
they'd have 'em there,
but sure enough, there they was.
Oh, boy, thanks, Gomer.
Do you think we can
try 'em real quick?
I guess so.
Now wait a minute,
wait a minute.
Put this down for you.
Be real careful now.
Now it's my turn
to go for threesies.
SIMS: Margaret!
CARTER: Pyle!
We was just playing.
It's my turn to
go for threesies.
Margaret, will you get up?
Pyle, get up off your knees.
I've told you not...
What are you doing?!
Sergeant, Miss Sims,
can't you see the private
hasn't made his threesies?
Also starring... as
Sergeant Carter.
♪ ♪
Just think, a full colonel's
gonna be visiting our colonel.
That'll be two
colonels right here.
Four colonel eyes
looking right at us.
How about that?
Hey, anything special, Corporal?
Looks like a bulletin.
Very good, and only a PFC.
What's it say?
It's a voluntary extra duty.
You mean they want
volunteers for extra duty?
This is for dough. For dough.
You get a buck and
a quarter an hour.
Sound better to you guys?
No kidding. How
much work's involved?
So little, even you
guys could do it.
Well, what is it?
Well, you know the colonel
that's visiting our colonel?
DUKE: Colonel
Matthews? That's right.
Anyway, our colonel is having
a dinner party Saturday night
and he needs three
extra guys to help out.
What doing, Corporal?
Oh, I don't know,
I guess busboy.
You know, waiting on the
tables, serving the drinks.
Why, you guys interested?
Well, I sure am.
I'd consider it an
honor and a privilege
to help our colonel out.
Even without getting paid.
Speak for yourself, Gomer.
Yeah. Hey, put
me down, Corporal.
Yeah, and me, too.
You, too, Gome?
Right.
And the pay is
really unimportant.
I just want to...
Gomer, stow it.
We're all in, Corporal.
And Gomer will donate his
pay to his favorite charity... me.
Okay.
If you three guys are it,
I might as well take
down this notice.
Yeah, thanks, Corporal.
Just think, me
hobnobbing with colonels.
Gomer, you're not going to
be a guest, you'll be a busboy.
Still, the folks back
home'd be real proud of me.
Why, it might even get
put in Mayberry After Dark.
I think I'll write 'em.
What's Mayberry After Dark?
That's the society column
of the Mayberry Gazette.
And in it, they got
social notes from all over.
Imagine: "Colonel Edward
Gray gave a reception
"for Colonel Matthews who's
visiting Camp Henderson.
"Private First Class
Gomer Pyle of this city
attended as a busboy."
You're on the way up
the social ladder, Gomer.
What do you guys
think you're doing?
Well, we was just... I don't
care what you're doing.
Don't you people know
that Colonel Gray is bringing
Colonel Matthews and his
family on a tour of this base,
and they're due to tour
right in front of your barracks
in exactly five minutes?
Well, what're you standing
around for? Move it!
Right, Sergeant.
Right, Sergeant.
Hey, Sergeant.
You hear me, Pyle? Get
going. Right, Sergeant.
But first I wanted to
tell you about that detail
I signed up for. Huh?
That there voluntary duty
detail for the colonel's party.
Me and Duke and
Frankie signed up for it.
You're kidding.
Pyle, you didn't.
Uh-huh. Why, Sergeant?
Why?! I'm in charge
of that detail, that's why.
You are?
Then we'll be bussing together.
How about that?
Surprise, surprise, surprise!
Knock it off! You
haven't been picked yet.
With a little luck, maybe I'll
get three other volunteers.
Oh, no, Sergeant.
We was the first one to see it
and we told the corporal
and he put us down. Pyle...
Why, it'll be a real honor
to get to work in the
colonel's living quarters.
And now, hearing that
you gonna be in charge,
my cup runneth over.
Your cup'll runneth
over all right,
if you happen to be
one of the volunteers.
Now, get moving.
That visiting party
is due any second.
Right, Sergeant. Pyle!
Yes, Sergeant?
Pyle, you have a button missing.
I do. I sure do.
You know, I've
been having trouble
with that button popping off.
You're very observant,
you know that, Sergeant?
Pyle, you knucklehead,
you get back to your quarters
and get that button
sewed on, you hear me?
You got exactly three
minutes! Now go!
And I can do it, too, in
three minutes, Sergeant.
You want to know why?
On account of I'm real
good at threading a needle.
That's where a lot
of folks eat up time
is threading the needle.
Go! Go!
Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go!
Sewing kit, sewing
kit, sewing kit.
Gomer, what're you doing?
We're supposed to be falling
in outside, right about now.
Sewing kit.
What are you going to do? Shh!
I only got three minutes.
Needle, needle, needle, needle.
Needle.
You're gonna sew? Now?
Button, button, button.
Gomer, you got to be kidding.
CARTER: All
right, fall in! Fall in!
On the double! On the double!
All right, you people!
Move it! Move it!
Let's go! Move it!
Move it! Move it!
Come on, dress it up!
Pyle! Will you get out here?!
All right, come on. Shape up!
At ease!
Hey, Sergeant, I did it.
Wonderful.
I almost didn't do it, though.
I only had time to
sew it through once,
but it'll do for temporary.
Here they come, Pyle. Fall in.
Come on, move, move, move, move.
Ten-hut!
You dropped your button.
Pyle, when you're at attention,
you don't button buttons
and you don't
wave at little girls.
Well, right, Sergeant,
but I was just trying to...
Pyle... will you get
that button sewed on
and see that it stays on?
Right, Sergeant.
All right.
The rest of you, dismissed!
Button, button,
button, button...
Button, button, button...
Here you are, Vince.
What's that?
Duty roster for Colonel
Gray's dinner party.
Let's see...
Lombardi, Slater, Pyle.
This is it? Yeah,
what's the matter?
What's the matter?
Pyle is on that list
and you want to know
what's the matter?
He was the first
one to sign for it.
I know, he told me.
But who thought they'd take him?
Well, as soon as I had three
volunteers, I turned 'em in.
They're set. Smart. Smart.
Thanks, Boyle.
What do you want from me, Vince?
If you didn't want
him on that detail,
you should've stopped him.
Yeah, thanks a lot.
I know. They're after me.
Huh? It's a test.
How much can Carter take?
They're always testing...
Boot camp, NCO School,
and now, Pyle as a busboy.
Well, I can take it.
I was in Korea.
I think I can take this.
Come on, Vince, you're
making a big deal out of it.
It's only one guy
at a dinner party
for a couple of colonels.
No, no, no. I gotta stop it.
It's like watching an accident
that's about to happen
and not doing anything.
What're you gonna do?
I'm gonna stop it.
I'm gonna stop this...
this accident that's
about to happen.
That's really all.
I just wanted to see you men
and make doubly
sure you were aware
of your responsibilities
for this evening.
We certainly are, sir. Good.
And, sir, even though
this duty calls for extra pay,
I consider it an honor and
a privilege just to serve.
The money is really unimportant.
Well, that's a generous
attitude, Private.
The fact is you are
performing a voluntary duty
and you're entitled
to something for it.
(knocking on door) Come in.
Yes, Sergeant?
Oh, I'm sorry, sir.
I didn't realize the
colonel was busy.
I can come back later. No, no.
I'm glad you stopped by.
I think these men will be fine
for the dinner party tonight.
And since they're
members of your platoon,
I'm certain you
can vouch for them.
Uh... yes, sir.
(chuckles nervously) Fine.
I'll see you men
at my house later.
(nervous chuckling)
Okay, Pyle, this is it.
So you were picked.
Just remember one thing.
I'm gonna be watching you.
I'm gonna be
watching you real good.
Oh, I'll appreciate
that, Sergeant.
Don't you hesitate to tell
me if I do something wrong.
Okay, you guys, hustle it up.
And, Pyle, you be
careful. I'm watching you.
Right, Sergeant.
I wish he'd quit telling
me he's watching me.
Makes a person nervous
to be watched all the time.
Just be careful.
He's watching you.
Well, now you're doing it.
Knock off the talk. Work.
Just keep your eye
on what you're doing.
Come on, you guys.
I'll show you where
that stuff goes.
Hey, little girl.
Hello.
You're the one with the button.
Yeah.
And I want to thank you
for picking it up for me, too.
My daddy's a Marine.
He's Colonel Matthews, so I
know how important buttons are.
Oh, well, thank you, again.
My name's Gomer.
What's yours? Margaret.
What ya doing
with that there ball,
playing "One, Two,
Three O'Leary"?
No. Miss Sims
told me not to play
'cause I might get
my clothes dirty.
Miss Sims?
Uh-huh, she's the lady
who takes care of me.
Oh, that's too bad. I
know just how you feel.
Sergeant Carter's the
very same way with me.
When I get my clothes
dirty, he gets real upset.
'Course, they just
doin' their jobs.
I guess.
But it isn't any fun.
Well, there's games you
can play without getting dirty.
Oh, it doesn't matter.
There's nobody to play 'em with.
Oh.
Well, there's games
that you can play alone
without getting dirty.
Like what?
Well, there's just
a whole lot of 'em.
Like, uh... "One,
Two, Three O'Leary."
Or jacks.
That's even better.
Jacks? Uh-huh.
'Course you should
play it with two,
but you can play it by yourself.
I don't know how to play jacks.
You don't?
Well, I thought all little
girls knew how to play jacks.
Here, I'll show you.
Uh-oh, we don't have any jacks.
Well, maybe we can use
something around here.
I'll look in here
and see if I can
find something we
can use for jacks.
Oh, here, we can use this.
They're sugar cubes.
Here, I'll just put
these out like this.
Now, you have to get down
on your hands and knees,
and be real careful
not to get dirty.
Wait a minute, though.
Now, you kneel down on this
and be real sure
you don't get off of it.
Now, what you do,
you throw the ball up,
but you can't let it
bounce but once,
and then you grab a
cube and catch the ball,
like this.
See? Now, if you
get one all right,
then you can go for twosies.
Twosies?! Uh-huh.
And you go all the
way up to sevensies.
Oh.
Now, there you go.
Now, you're gonna
go for onesies.
Hey! I did it!
See? I told you it
wasn't very hard.
Twosies? Twosies.
Boy! You sure catch on fast.
Threesies?
Threesies.
(both laughing)
Margaret, what are you doing?
Just playing.
I told you not to get dirty.
We're on a trip and you don't
have enough dresses to change.
Well, don't blame her, ma'am.
She was playing
but I put her up to it.
But I paid special attention
to see that she
didn't get dirty.
You see, I put down my...
If I were you, I would just
stick to my job.
Let's go in the house,
Margaret, and get cleaned up.
Pyle, where have you
been? I've been waiting...!
What's wrong?
Anything the matter?
Sergeant, doesn't the
private have anything to do?
He seems to have nothing to do.
Huh?
Come, Margaret. Really!
What was that all about?
Well, little Margaret,
that's Colonel
Matthews's daughter.
Well, she was looking
kind of lonely, poor thing,
and I was just showing
her how to play jacks.
Jacks?! Uh-huh.
And, boy, did she
take to it, Sergeant.
You should've seen her
eyes when she hit threesies
for the first time.
But she seems like a
right unhappy little girl.
You know who's gonna
be unhappy, Pyle?
You're gonna be unhappy.
Now get that stuff in the house
where it belongs, on the double.
I warned you, Pyle.
I'm watching you.
Well, Sergeant, I was just...
Don't talk! Just do it! Do it!
(mellow jazz playing)
Everywhere you look,
brass and brass's wives.
Hey, do you see
Colonel Matthews?
Yeah, there he is,
talking to Colonel Gray.
Golly, two colonels
out there talking
and me right
here in the kitchen.
Boy, if Mayberry
could only see me now.
Watch it, here comes
Sergeant Carter.
Well, well, what are you
knuckleheads standing around for?
Well, we were just
waiting, Sarge...
Well, you don't
have to wait anymore.
Come on, Lombardi, grab
this tray and get it out there.
Slater, you take the punch.
What you want
me to do, Sergeant?
You?
Yeah, you just
name it and I'll do it.
Yeah... let's see, what's safe?
Oh, I know what
you can do, Pyle.
See them bags of
potato chips over there?
Well, just open them bags
and put the potato chips
on this large tray here.
Then what?
That's all... just put
the chips on the tray.
And then take
the tray out there?
No.
Just put the chips on the tray.
Right, Sergeant.
What are you guys
waiting around for?
Move out.
Just put the chips
on the tray, that's all.
What are you
fixing there, ma'am?
This is avocado dip.
Avocado dip?
That's right.
Well, back home if you
brought that out to the table
they'd swear it was
pistachio ice cream all melty.
Hi, Gomer.
Hey, Margaret.
Golly! Don't you look pretty.
Thank you.
I just came down to tell you...
I'm sorry for getting
you in trouble before.
Oh, no, I'm sorry.
I'm the one who
got you in trouble.
What you doing?
I'm putting these here
potato chips on this tray.
I guess it's to dip in that
there bowl of avocado dip.
Oh.
To tell the truth, though, don't that look
just like pistachio ice cream all melty?
It looks good.
You want some?
Is it all right?
I don't think they'd
miss a little bit.
There you go.
Oh, my goodness, you
got it all over your dress.
Oh, Miss Sims will be mad.
Well, we'll just wipe it
off before she sees it.
Margaret!
I'm sorry, Miss Sims.
Oh, it's your clean dress.
It'll wipe right off, ma'am.
I'm as sorry as I can be, ma'am.
What's going on here?
Now what did he do?
Why don't you ask the private.
Just for this, Margaret, you're
going to have to stay in your room.
Now come along.
But ma'am, she
shouldn't get punished.
Pyle...
But, Sergeant, she
shouldn't get punished.
It was an accident.
Wasn't nobody's fault, honest.
Pyle, what is this, huh?
What is it, a conspiracy?
Huh?
Yeah, that's it, a conspiracy.
First, you get the youngest
member of the family,
and you work all the
way up to the colonel.
You're out to destroy
us all, aren't you?
I'm not, Sergeant.
Then get cutting or I'll
throw you out of here.
Did you empty them
potato chips like I told you?
Well, I was
starting... Do it! Do it!
Here, you can take
this out now, Private.
Ma'am?
Take the tray
and pass it around.
Yes, ma'am.
Where's the other
private that was in here?
Who?
The man who was working
on the potato chips...
Where did he go?
Oh, I sent him out with a tray.
You didn't!
Care for some dip, sir?
It's avocado.
Well, thank you, Private.
You care for some dip, sir?
Thank you.
Care for some more, sir?
(whispering): Look over there.
Over there.
(whispering):
Colonel... wants... dip!
I'm-I'm sorry, sir.
Let me get you a towel.
I'm-I'm-I'm sorry, sir.
You did it, didn't you, Pyle?
I did it. I really did it.
I just stood there and watched 16
years in the Marines go down in the dip.
Towel, towel, towel, towel...
With my own eyes, I saw it.
Sergeant, I deserve every
word you're going to yell at me,
but first I've got
to find a towel.
There's a colonel out there
with a whole handful
of avocado dip.
(loud clattering
and glass breaking)
Golly, Sergeant, can I pick
it up when I come back?
You're not coming back.
Get out of here.
Get out of this
house and stay out!
Get out of here before they
declare this place a disaster area!
Out! Out! Out!
Out!
Out!
MARGARET: Gomer.
Hey, Gomer.
Hey, Margaret.
Is the dinner party over?
No.
Then why are you leaving?
Well, it's over for me.
What?
Well, my work's
finished and I got to go.
Oh.
I'll see you, Margaret.
Gomer... Huh?
I won't see you anymore.
I'm leaving tomorrow.
You are? Uh-huh.
We're going to
Hawaii for awhile.
Can't you come up
and say good-bye?
Well... I really shouldn't.
Well, just for a minute.
I won't see you again. Please?
Well, I don't guess
a minute will hurt.
My, my, my!
And here's Mommy and
Daddy and me in Paris.
Well, I'll be.
And here we are in Bangkok.
That's in Thailand.
Well, boy, you sure get
around a lot for a young'un.
I bet you have fun.
Well, not all the time.
Huh?
You see, Daddy has
to go to a lot of meetings
and gatherings and things.
And I have to spend a
lot of time with Miss Sims.
Oh.
Miss Sims is nice,
but she doesn't know
how to play games.
Most grownups don't know
how to play any fun games.
Except you, Gomer.
You know how to play
games and everything.
Aw... That's why I'm glad
you could come
up and visit with me
before I go away.
Well, I'm sure glad
I could come, too.
Hey, look at all them
records over there.
Are they yours?
Uh-huh.
Why don't we pick out
a cheering-up record
on account I think we both
could use some cheering up.
Okay?
Hey, here's a good one.
Get it on...
(big band jazz playing)
(footsteps pounding)
I wonder what that is.
What room is that above us?
Is it Margaret's? Yes, it is.
Well, you don't think
she fell down, do you?
Maybe we better go see.
Oh, dear, dear,
are you all right?
Mm-hmm.
We heard the noise.
Is anything wrong, sir?
Pyle?!
What's going on, Private?
Well, we was just
playing some records...
Sergeant, did you give this
man permission to come up here?
No, sir.
With the colonel's permission,
I'll get him back
to his quarters.
I'll have him confined,
if the colonel wishes.
No, don't!
It's not Gomer's fault!
I invited him to come up here.
Daddy, please don't let them
do anything to Gomer, please?
We were having fun
because Gomer knows
how to play games
that most grownups don't
even know how to play,
and he knows how to dance
and sing songs,
and he's my friend.
Ed... Now, I realize
this is your base
and I don't want to interfere,
but if you could see
a way clear to, uh...
You don't want him punished?
Well, actually, he didn't
disobey any orders,
and outside of being a
pretty rotten busboy...
Sure.
Well, see, Ed, we
travel a great deal.
Margaret doesn't have a
chance to make many friends,
and when I see her
having a little fun...
I understand.
Yeah. You know, maybe
he should be commended.
He was actually
entertaining her.
Uh, shall I take him, sir?
Oh, certainly not.
Private, thank you.
Thank you for
Margaret and for us.
Oh, thank you, Daddy.
Sergeant, he's a good man.
Yes, sir, a good man.
He's a very good man.
I don't know why
they wanted you for this detail,
but I ain't taking any chances;
I'm watching you like a hawk.
You don't have to
do that, Sergeant.
I'm gonna be real careful.
Gomer!
Oh, hey, Margaret!
Guess what?
I got you a going-away present
on account of your going away.
It's real jacks.
I got 'em at the PX.
I never thought
they'd have 'em there,
but sure enough, there they was.
Oh, boy, thanks, Gomer.
Do you think we can
try 'em real quick?
I guess so.
Now wait a minute,
wait a minute.
Put this down for you.
Be real careful now.
Now it's my turn
to go for threesies.
SIMS: Margaret!
CARTER: Pyle!
We was just playing.
It's my turn to
go for threesies.
Margaret, will you get up?
Pyle, get up off your knees.
I've told you not...
What are you doing?!
Sergeant, Miss Sims,
can't you see the private
hasn't made his threesies?