Go 8 Bit (2016–2018): Season 2, Episode 8 - Episode #2.8 - full transcript
Edith Bowman faces Elis James in this weeks contest. They will partner team captains Steve and Sam as they tackle classic computer games including Mega Man 2 and Street Fighter V as they compete to become this week's champion.
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
Hello. I'm Dara O'Briain. Welcome to
Go 8 Bit, the show for people who
blithely ignore
health and safety regulations, on the
basis they still have three lives
left.
LAUGHTER
This is a show where gaming and
entertainment are one.
Not to be confused with L-1, which
throws secondary grenades.
Joining gaming fan Steve McNeil's
team this week is a woman who
presented BBC Scotland'scoverage
of the Live Aid anti-poverty charity
event.
Desperate, disadvantaged people
living in inadequate conditions,
scratching a meagre living all over
Scotland
enjoyed listening to her show.
It's Edith Bowman!
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
With gaming mogul Sam Pamphilon is a
man from Wales who still lives in the
country,
and is fluent in the Welsh language.
In fact, he's so one hundred per cent
Welsh that every time he tries to
play Minecraft
Margaret Thatcher shuts the mine
down, and all the villagers go on
strike.
LAUGHTER
It's Elis James.
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
And keeping everyone in check is a
woman who played so many video games
growing up
that she didn't leave school with any
A levels.
She left with an Ice Level, a Lava
Level and a Boss Level.
It's our resident games expert Ellie
Gibson.
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
Welcome to the show. It's kind of a
celebration, and a test of your
gaming ability.
When was your golden era for gaming?
When I was growing up, I grew up in
a hotel in Scotland,
and we had a games room which had a
couple of pool tables, and four
arcade games.
A couple of one-armed bandits, so I
spent a lot of time there.
Sweet. Yeah, it was good.
Do you remember the games? It was...
Track and Field. Ugghhh!
And a hard dose of ugghh, ugghh!
And Pac-Man, and Space Invaders.
All that kind of stuff.
When did you play all your games?
Early '90s.
Master System. And I thought to
myself, "They're not going to
improve on this."
LAUGHTER
From what I understand of
technology, it's probably going to
stop about now.
This is as far as it will go.
My next-door neighbour, he was about
ten years younger than me, and he
had a Game Gear.
I was about 18, and he absolutely
hammered me on Sonic or something.
I was like, "Do you know what I like
doing? I like arm wrestling."
Having pubic hair.
Let's play that game!
Did you play that game?
LAUGHTER
APPLAUSE
Would you be competitive? We're going
to cover a lot of these eras.
Would you be competitive? I think I'm
not,
but as soon as you put me up against
someone in ANYTHING,
yeah.
Will you just threaten to show your
pubic hairs?
A good intro, because I'm
representing Wales.
It does feel like you're both
representing...
We don't know when this is going to
go out.
By the time this goes out, the entire
United Kingdom could have fragmented
anyway.
This could be like - They might
pixilate you out of the show.
I could be king.
King of Wales.
That sounds quite good, actually. It
does.
It sounds quite good.
LAUGHTER
Tonight, our two teams will be
battling over five different video
games
from gaming history, so let's start
with a game back from the days when,
if you had a curvedTV
it was probably because you left it
too near a radiator.
What are we playing?
Our first games character is
mega-popular,
he's mega-cool, and like Steve
McNeil, he came here on the Megabus.
It's Mega Man II.
CHEERING
First introduced in 1987 on the NES,
Mega Man is one of the most popular
video game characters of all time.
In his native Japan, he's actually
known as Rock Man,
a name that was changed for the west
so people didn't think he was just a
massive Iron Maiden fan.
There have been more than 50 Mega
Man games over the years,
including ten main titles, and
dozens of spin-offs.
That's not including all the cameo
appearances he's made
in games like Marvel versus Capcom.
Basically, everybody loves him, and
he turns up in everything.
He's the Olivia Coleman of video
games.
The core Mega Man games are brutally
difficult action platformers.
You have to guide our hero through
devilishly designed stages
on the trail of eight powerful robot
masters.
Each one has a different elemental
power, and evocative names like
Metalman...
LAUGHTER
Sadly, Dennis Rodman was cut from
the game for being too unrealistic.
Each time you defeat one of the
bosses, you gain their weapon,
which is nice, and generously, the
Mega Man games let you play the
levels in any order.
Just like if your mum let you eat
your pudding first,
and then use your new pudding power
to defeat the soup.
LAUGHTER
As well as games, Mega Man has
starred in comic books, cartoons,
and was even the inspiration for a
rock opera.
And inevitably, there's a
blockbuster Hollywood movie in
development.
But who could possibly play the lead
role?
Nailed it.
APPLAUSE
That's Mega Man II.
Famous for one thing as well. Famous
for being ridiculously difficult.
Yeah, it's a very hard game, but
mega-popular as well.
Normally, you know, if you're going
to be enormously popular,
the thing has to be vaguely
accessible.
This, you will see in a second, is
stupidly difficult.
It's like the Brief History of Time
of video games.
It's enormously popular. No-one has
finished it.
LAUGHTER
So, we're going to play, but what are
the rules?
We're playing Mega Man II.
All our players will be working in
teams, swapping the controller each
time they lose a life.
We're playing the Woodman stage. The
winning team will be the first one
to destroy the three blue dogs.
What the Christ is...?!
There's no other way to say it that
makes it make sense.
That's literally what's happening.
I don't really know what's going on,
to be honest.
Will we recognise the blue dogs when
they appear?
Well, do you know what the colour
blue looks like?
I do.
Have you ever seen a dog? I have.
Then I think we're in!
Will it be Sam and Elis, or Edith and
Steve?
While you're voting, teams, controls
at the ready because it's time to go
clockwise.
OK, the vote is in.
I shall be the King of Wales!
Queen of Scots!
39 per cent Elis and Sam, which
means there are 61 points available
for the winning team here.
Teams, it's who can clear these
three blue dogs.
Let's see if we can spot them.
In three...
Let's Go 8 Bit.
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
Always with a difficult game, best
to start second, I think.
Buy yourself some vital seconds of
not playing at all.
Yes.
Not a dog. That's a rabbit.
Just avoided the...
Oh!
This is just ludicrous.
Killed by a carrot... This is, you
know...
What the hell is this game?!
There was not a lot to do in the
'80s.
They had to make things hard just to
give you something to do.
OK...
So...
Oh!
Just going around him...
Oh... He's got away from that.
If in doubt, run away. That's a blue
dog!
That's definitely a blue dog!
That's definitely a blue dog.
And they're dead. OK.
Hooray!
APPLAUSE
Oh, there's another blue dog.
Sam's on the controls now. Edith
still...
Oh!
OK, Steve has taken over.
Come on!
Running into his open jaws is an
interesting strategy.
It's not possible! That'll be
done...
What?!
What is this you've discovered?
You've broken into the game's code,
Sam. What have you done?
I'm having a breakdown.
Why have you paused it? I don't know!
LAUGHTER
I'm pressing start!
APPLAUSE
The fact that Sam can't even work
the pause menu -
CHEERING
Look, look!
Full power. One dog beaten. One blue
dog beaten.
Oh, God. Come on, Steve, put this dog
down.
Come on, come on.
Oh, come on. Yes!
CHEERING
My God.
I'm supposed to be non-committal
here, but Jesus, kill that dog.
LAUGHTER
Come on. Let us all live, see our
families again.
Shoot it, for God's sake!
Don't do this, don't this.
Steven! Yes!
CHEERING
Whoo!
Well done.
My God...
That is the first time ever the
other team have been cheering for
me.
By the way, there's still more of
that level to go.
Thank you
That means the 61 points go to Steve
and Edith!
APPLAUSE
We'll be going 8 Bit with Elis and
Edith's favourite video games of all
time.
What will they be? Find out after the
break.
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
Welcome back. Already tonight we've
seen Steve bracket and Edith, close
bracket...
Harsh!
The whole room was behind Steve on
this one.
Elis and Sam with their first GAME...
Mega Man II.
But now our guests delve into their
gaming past, and nominate one of
their favourite-ever video games.
First to choose for Steve's team is
Edith.
I have gone with Snowboard Party.
Snowboard Party...?
That's a nice response. Kind of.
Well, maybe they don't know it.
Ellie?
Yes, there ain't no party like a
snowboard party.
It's a snowboard party.
LAUGHTER
Why pay a fortune to visit a ghastly
ski resort,
dress up like a clown, and risk
injuring yourself,
when you can do the whole thing on
your mobile phone?
Yeah, Snowboard Party captures all
the thrill of snowboarding
but without the frostbite, and
nagging sense of pointlessness.
Now you don't even have to leave the
house to enjoy meaningless
activities like catchingbig air,
and messing about on a half pipe,
whatever that is.
LAUGHTER
The game also comes with a shouty
rock soundtrack
with music from Jack Counteract, We
Outspoken and Minds Without Purpose.
No, we've never heard of them
either.
But that's OK, because there's also
the option to listen to your own
music.
How about a bit of...?
Sorry.
Sadly, Snowboard Party doesn't
replicate the apres-ski,
where you get off your trolley
surrounded by minor royals,
and privileged teenagers on their
gap year.
Just make sure you don't get too
piste!
Oh, God...
APPLAUSE
So...that is Snowboard Party. Why do
you like this game?
My eight-year-old plays it on the
iPad.
I've never beaten him yet.
That's going to be extra-offensive
when I lose this.
See, I don't do the sliding sports. I
don't get the sliding sports at all.
So, you're playing this... Do you do
these things?
I don't know. I'm not really good at
slidey games.
Stop calling them slidey games!
It's an Olympic sport.
This is not an Olympic sport!
It's an Olympic sport in the slidey
Olympics.
That's all it is. Because it's not a
racecourse.
There are rules. How are we going to
play?
Edith is taking on Sam now. Players
earn points for performing tricks.
Whoever ends up with the highest
score will win.
Who do you think will win Snowboard
Party?
Edith or Sam? And while you're
voting, players, have your
controllers at the ready.
It's time now to experience the
world's smallest centrifugal force!
CHEERING
OK, the results are in.
King of Wales, guys!
LAUGHTER
69 points are at stake.
Edith and Sam, if you're ready, in
three, two...
Let's Go 8 Bit.
CHEERING
Snowboard Party. You can usually
find me in the kitchen at a
Snowboard Party.
Sam's even got a backpack ready.
Going to stop off and have some
lunch.
Or returning some library books.
Whoo!
Edith's wearing a lovely red number.
She looks like she's going fox
hunting.
Bonus points for that. So... Oh,
hello! Look at that!
You just did a 360, I think.
Do you actually know any
snowboarding... We'll just make them
up.
That's the whole point. It's like, oh
that was - I'm in a tree.
That was spin-tacular.
Oh, look at that fat partridge.
That was a good one.
Trying to put me off.
Oh, no, lost her balance there
on the...rail.
LAUGHTER
At the half pipe. Will she loop
around? Look at this!
Oh...
How was that no points for that?
The hanging time there was quite...
Actually - What is that doing there?!
Remarkably, Sam is lost and unaware
of which way is down.
LAUGHTER
But is still 10,000 points ahead of
Edith.
Yeah, I'm not quite sure what's
going on there.
Hugging the fence.
No...
Oh, here we go, here we go.
Oh, no, he's lost some points, but
look, here comes - Oh!
Look at that. There we go, and then
hits a piece of...equipment. Yeah.
What's going on? Lovely Pot Noodle
by Bowman there.
Oh, hello... OH, hello!
Upside-downsy Sam, and he scores.
That's the term - upside-downsy Sam.
Yeah, he is still 10,000 points in
the lead there.
He seemed to get 10,000 really
quickly.
And has done nothing... Oh, up a
tree.
There's very little time for Edith to
turn this around unless she does a
spectacular leap at the end here.
She's playing it a bit safe. She's
gone for the middle!
Oh, listen, for that alone...
Oh!
Oh, dear. She needs to do more
tricks.
At the moment it's not so much
snowboarding as commuting.
LAUGHTER
CHEERING
Oh my God!
APPLAUSE
That I want to see again.
You're really good at that. Maybe
I'll be good at real snowboarding.
Obviously what you should take from
that, and you should now
book a really high-level snowboarding
holiday and go straight to the top of
the mountain.
I'm off to Val d'Isere now!
Get a plane. We'll get a private Go 8
Bit plane to drop you off on the way
home.
The 69 points go to Elis and Sam.
OK, Elis, what game are you
nominating?
Street Fighter V.
CHEERING
Tell us more.
Our teams must use all their guile
now
as we give them a blanker canvas to
see who can pull off the best moves.
And whose fighting skills are a load
of Balrogs.
LAUGHTER
That's right, it's Tekken. Not
really. It's Street Fighter V.
Judging by the title, you might
assume Street Fighter V is the fifth
instalment in the series.
But you'd be an idiot.
In fact, there are more than 120
Street Fighter titles, sequels and
spin-offs.
It's got a Guinness World Record and
everything.
Published by Capcom, Street Fighter
V was released back in February,
2016.
The game saw several new fighters
joining favourites like Ryu,
Chun-Li, Ken and that camp Spanish
guy.
Here's Nikali, an Aztec god who
devours the souls of the best
fighters.
He's so tough no-one has dared tell
him he looks like Mick Hucknall on
steroids.
Somebody at Capcom must be a big fan
of '90s soul and funk,
because another new character -
F.A.N.G. - wears ridiculous hats,
and is literally poisonous to the
touch, just like Jamiroquai.
LAUGHTER
And here's the game's only new
female character, Laura.
She fights with the power of
inappropriate clothing.
But never let it be said Capcom
isn't tuned in to modern,
progressive attitudes.
The publisher removed one animation
from the game after it was pointed
out
that having your female fighters
slapping their bare bottom cheeks
during a fight was probably a bit
sexist.
What a bummer.
APPLAUSE
Why do you like the game so much?
What I loved about Street Fighter II
was Ken was capable of great
violence.
With a name like Ken. What an eerily
normal name.
It's sounds like somebody your
parents would have round for a
barbecue.
You know? Yeah, he'll break your
spine off. It's Dennis.
LAUGHTER
Can I ask a question? Has the sheep
always been there?
No, because the backdrops are very
important in Street Fighter.
They always have them places where
you presume...
I think it started with streets.
No!
Yes. And they would fight in the
street.
People would be like looking at you,
and now they are just in weird rural
locations.
It's a Zen garden. There's a sheep
just wandering around.
It's more like Lake District
Fighter. It is.
Somebody had to animate the sheep.
There's a programmer somewhere goes,
"I worked on the new Street Fighter
game."
"Really? What did you do?" "I did the
sheep..."
LAUGHTER
OK, Ellie, what are the rules? It's
the best of five bouts, with Elis
fighting as Ken, and Steve as
Go, Ken.
Ken! (IN NERDY VOICE) Hello.
Just have to do some...street
fighting.
I've actually come here for the
extreme violence.
Anyway, who do you think is going to
win Street Fighter V?
Will it be Elis or Steve?
And while you're voting, players,
controllers at the ready.
All the world's a stage, and now it's
time to spin it.
OK.
The numbers are in.
Tight one!
It's Brexit all over again.
52 per cent for Steve, and 48 per
cent for Elis.
Farewell, King of Wales.
It does mean 52 points are up for
grabs.
So the two of you, if you're ready,
in...
Let's Go 8 Bit. Come on, Ken.
Here we are.
Come on, Ken!
Ooh!
Hit him with the blue thing.
Hit him with unfeasible leg spin.
That's it, Ken!
Back off to the other sides, back
away. Back away.
Back away, back away!
You may resume fighting now.
Watch it, Ken!
No, right in the goules!
Oh, he's got him!
God!
He's unleashed that blue thing a lot.
Oh, elbow to the head. Oh, that's
embarrassing.
That was effective, it has to be
said.
Pull it out of the bag now...
When I say pull it out of the bag, I
mean be better at this game.
Oh!
Best of five, remember?
Right, pause. Let me just have a
brief moment here.
Elis, what's going on?
I've realised I don't actually like
violence.
LAUGHTER
I don't thrive in a violent setting,
but I'm in too deep now, and the
programme's on.
OK. Come on, Elis, pull it out this
time.
Let's go.
There's a sheep. There's a sheep.
Oh, there's a lizard as well.
There he is. Oh, he's still...
Oh, there we go. Good man, Elis.
Repeatedly punching him.
Wee-hee!
That's it, that's it. Good man, Elis,
very good.
Oh, no...
Oh!
Yes!
Oh, well done. This is amazing.
Elis has got a brand-new combine
harvester.
Come on now.
Oh, you're so close to a victory!
Elis, go on!
Quick! Oh...
Elis, come on!
CHEERING
Yes!
What happened there?
I realised actually I have a real
lust for violence.
LAUGHTER
Once I get going, it's me at my
best.
OK, so one win each. It's best of
five, as we said.
Ready to start again.
Come on, Shula. I thought we were
watching The Archers for a minute.
Oh, no, that's always embarrassing.
You don't often see sheep and
parakeets in the same natural
setting.
It's quite a rare..
One is the natural predator of the
other.
Uh oh!
There is nothing funnier than when
that happens. We all need to see
that...
Too long fiddling about with your
wazzy balls.
APPLAUSE
OK, two-one to Steve. Come on, Elis.
Oh... Oh, there we are.
Yes. Oh, hello.
Oh, dear.
Someone's very cross, aren't they?
Oh!
Proper...
Whoa!
Yes.
You love that one, don't you?
How do you do the throw, so we can do
it?
Oh, no, it's only going one way now.
It's only going one way.
He's electric. Watch out!
No, no!
CHEERING
Yeah.
He's really good.
That's really unsatisfying to me,
you managed to finish it with a
special move.
I know how that's a nice little
story in your head!
I missed twice. It could never have
happened, and then, at the final
moment
I did my special move, and not only
did it land properly,
it won me the bout, and nay, the
match!
APPLAUSE
That means the 52 points go to Steve
and Edith!
APPLAUSE
Join us after the break when our
teams will be going mediaeval on each
other's asses.
See you in a minute for more Go 8
Bit.
Welcome back to Go 8 Bit. I'm joined
by Steve and Edith,
who are currently topping Elis and
Sam in tonight's video gaming
face-off.
Time to play a recently released game
that's been exciting gamers
everywhere.
Tell us more. Well, what do you do
when you've got a really revolting,
superating boil?
Lance A Lot.
As the name suggests, Lance A Lot is
a jousting game in which you use
your lance...
a lot.
Don't worry - the game is better
than that joke.
LAUGHTER
Traditional jousting took place on
horseback,
because it was the olden days, and
they didn't have flying jet
scooters.
That's all changed now, of course,
which means our players
will be whizzing around the arena
with flames coming out of their
bottoms.
Basically, it's closing time after a
quick round
of the Vindaloo Challenge at the
Croydon Curry Palace.
Scoring is simple. It only takes one
hit to knock another player off
their mount.
It's like snooker, except the cue is
12ft long,
and the ball is a human head in a
tin can.
The game takes its name from the
famous Sir Lancelot of the Knights
of the Round Table.
He was King Arthur's most loyal
friend, right up until he had it off
with Arthur's bird Guinevere,
at which point it all went a bit
Jeremy Kyle.
Jousting has a long history in video
games,
going all the way back to arcade
classic Joust
in which the knights strutted around
on ostriches for no good reason.
Although it was 1982. Perhaps they
were just big fans of Rod Hull.
LAUGHTER
There's even a chance jousting will
make a comeback as real-life sport,
with English Heritage pitching to
have it included in the 2020
Olympics.
I'm just disappointed they're not
pushing for eye-wateringly graphic
indie game Genital Jousting to be
included.
Who wouldn't want to hear Clare
Balding explaining to Steve Cram
how the (BLEEP) goes right into the
(BLEEP)?
LAUGHTER
APPLAUSE
This is indie game Lance A Lot.
Mediaeval, but also futuristic, in
a...
In a floating kind of weird
field-type...
Yes. It looks very nice. And it's
great fun.
Fantastic fun. I was playing it
earlier.
You were playing. There was another
guy playing with us, and I thought
I'd speared him.
I thought I'd chased him around, and
then chased him back round the other
way,
and speared him, but that was you,
and I was doing the exact same move,
just over there somewhere.
Going around, and around, and, "Look
at me, I'm steering him."
OK, this is an unusual game, because
you have to help each other.
We're playing a thing called Capture
the Flag, which is the kind of thing
that only exists in video games.
Yes... Where one of you is holding
on.
And the other has to block off the
others, really.
A lot of teamwork involved in this.
If this sounds weird, the game was
actually inspired by another game,
which is about narwhals jousting in
space.
Which was itself inspired by 43 cans
of high-strength Swedish lager.
LAUGHTER
Here we are - Lance A Lot. Which of
course is also the answer to the
question,
"What WAS the name of that cyclist,
and how many drugs did he do?"
LAUGHTER
Tell us the rules of the game we're
going to play.
We're playing a game of Capture the
Flag.
The longer our teams hold onto the
flag, the more points they'll score.
Whoever is first to reach 100 points
will win for their team.
Who's going to win it? Teamwork and
lancing...
I think with my lust for violence,
and Elis' probably lust for not
having violence,
I will capture the flag, he will
defend me
by fending off the others using his
body as a shield,
and we will take victory, and we
will strike fear into the hearts of
our enemies.
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
Elis, will you throw your body in
front of a lance for Sam?
I have done in the past, and I will
do again.
Do you know who's going to grab the
flag?
We've got a natural advantage,
because all the characters
are quite similar colours, and Sam's
colour-blind.
I don't know which one I am. I'm
assuming I'm the guy with the flag.
Defend the one with the flag, Elis.
We're going to be fine.
OK, so who's going to come out on
top?
Will it be Sam and Elis, or Edith and
Steve?
Teams, controllers at the ready.
On the Australian version of this
show, this goes the other way round.
Time to spin the stage.
OK...
Again we have the votes, and again
they're quite close.
ALL: Ooh!
We'll play for 54 points.
It's capture the flag, defend your
team with the flag.
Teams...
Let's Go 8 Bit.
OK, grand. Sam, you're in white.
That's right.
We're looking after each other.
Yeah.
The scores at the top there. It's
first to 100.
So, basically... Oh, well done!
Elis, yes, I will defend you.
Defend me.
Oh, they're fighting each other.
Internal strife going on between
Stevo...
Not as much of a unified team as they
let on.
Elis is hanging onto that flag.
There's a lot of not going anywhere
near each other happening in this
game.
LAUGHTER
I'm stuck in a tree!
Steve is stuck in a tree.
Yes!
Meanwhile, Elis is... Elis is just
holding on.
If Elis gets... Oh!
He's lost it. Elis has lost the
flag.
So Steve has the flag, I believe.
Yeah, Steve has taken possession.
Edith and Sam...
they'll get there.
OK, the two of you are together now.
Elis and Sam...
Oh! Beautifully done, Elis!
Now Elis has to hold on for 30 more
seconds to win the game,
and be defended by Sam.
Oh...
Hello...
Oh!
Only 13 seconds away. Come on, Sam.
He's 13 seconds away. Run, run, for
your life.
Quick, Sam! Escape!
I'm sorry. Now Steve has the flag.
I'm stuck in a tree again.
Oh!
Oh!
That was beautiful. Well done, Elis.
Only seven seconds. Can he hold on?
And he's got it.
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
So hard. That was so slow.
It was slow, but also...compelling.
LAUGHTER
I'm going to see if we can get the
replay of the moment where you stole
it for the last time.
That was quite beautifully done.
He was really good at it. Do you
know what...?
I used to be glad it WASN'T
mediaeval times.
Now, I think, despite stuff like
paracetamol and the Internet...
..I think I'd have fitted in then.
You'd have done fine in jetpack-based
mediaeval times.
Because Steve had the flag, was
racking up the points, and then this
occurred.
Look at him - he's down there, got
bounced off into space, feeling
cocky.
Oh!
And that was it. Just held on for the
next nine seconds.
Defending there as well. And look at
them - end up in a heap.
End up in a heap. Yeah.
That means the 54 points go to Elis
and Sam!
APPLAUSE
And that, by the way, is as close as
it ever gets.
There's only ten points between the
two teams as we go into the final
part.
After the break our teams will be
pairing up, and going bananas
when we return for the deciding part
of tonight's Go 8 Bit.
Welcome back to Go 8 Bit. Sam and
Elis, Edith and Steve
have been fighting it out over four
video games in a bid to become
tonight's champions.
Time for our final challenge now,
and we've super-sized a video game
classic
for our teams to try and conquer, and
all to play for
because it's...
ALL: Ooh!
Which doesn't matter, because there's
only ten points between them anyway.
Still, we made the graphic. Ellie.
Tonight's final challenge is a game
that combines healthy eating with
stealthy beating.
It's Fruit Ninja.
Back in feudal Japan, Ninjas were
respected members of society,
widely feared for their ruthless
mindset, and elite combat skills.
Today, of course, they're best known
for being really good at cutting up
bananas.
And that's all thanks to...
the game where you have to slice and
dice with a swipe of your finger.
Extra points are awarded for slicing
more than one bit of fruit at a
time,
but three misses, and it's...
Watch out, because along with pieces
of fruit
you'll find bombs being lobbed at
you.
Not sure they're one of your five a
day.
Fruit Ninja is the work of Halfbrick
Studios, based in Brisbane,
Australia.
This might explain why the game is
easier if you play it upside-down.
It's true. Try it. It works.
Since the game's launch in 2010,
Fruit Ninja has been downloaded more
than a billion times.
Players spent the equivalent of 71
years chopping up virtual produce
every day, which isn't a waste of a
life, is it...?
One in seven people worldwide have
had a go at Fruit Ninja.
That means if the game had been
around in the 1800s,
everyone on the planet would have
played it.
Of course, in reality, everyone was
really into Chuckie Egg back then.
LAUGHTER
So, that is Fruit Ninja,
one of the world's most ancient and
venerable fighting arts
reduced to the preparation of salad.
So, yes, we do need...
Elis and Edith, for you to leave now
and prepare for this game,
so if we could let them go, ladies
and gentlemen.
APPLAUSE
Right, Ellie, tell us about the
special version we're playing
tonight.
Well, we've got our hands on the
latest virtual reality version of
Fruit Ninja.
Basically, it's an excuse for us to
make Edith and Elis
mince around in ridiculous costumes
with a game that I like to call...
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
What a delightful and accurate
tribute to one of the most ancient
and venerable fightingarts.
Ellie, tell us more. Well, as you can
see, our players are dressed as
Ninjas.
They have to slice as much fruit as
possible within the time limit.
The highest-scoring player will win,
and it's the best of three rounds.
So who will win this game of Smoothie
Operators?
Will it be Elis or Edith? Elis is
going to win.
For the simple reason, he's a wily
man.
So I think he has...
nimbleness...
LAUGHTER
..but also the vitamin deficiency...
LAUGHTER
..that's required to win Fruit
Ninja.
You will be aware that you look
wonderful as Ninjas.
But when you're slicing individual
fruit, it will look like you're at a
Northern Soul disco.
You'll just be doing this for ages.
It'll be amazing.
That is essentially... Yeah.
Let's see which way the audience
voted.
Oh, tight again!
It's amazing. This entire show has
been right down the middle.
49 per cent for Steve and Edith, 51
per cent for Elis and Sam.
So, 102 points up for grabs.
It's enough to win. It is.
But then, so is 11.
OK, please don your headsets, thank
you very much.
Let's do this properly.
I get one go at this. One go.
GASPING
Oh, yeah, you do this ha-ha now.
You're going to be deaf in a second.
OK, in three, two, one...
APPLAUSE
Come on, Elis!
Oh, hello. No...
Here we are.
You slice the fruit, you avoid the
bombs.
And you look for things that would
freeze time.
Yes, frozen bananas will freeze time
for you.
Good start for Elis. Not so much for
Edith, I'm afraid.
Best of three bouts, though,
remember?
Ten points ahead, but she still...
Oh! Combo.
That was a yes!
Edith just hit a frenzied banana.
Which means she gets lots of extra
fruit.
Storming ahead, storming...
She's 150 points out. She's
approaching 300 now.
That's it, go crazy.
Edith really does not like fruit,
does she?
She does NOT like fruit.
Stab that pineapple to death, Edith.
Edith is scarily good at this.
She's just crushing it.
It's embarrassing. We should put her
out of her misery.
Edith is... Edith is...500 points
ahead.
She's like she's on fire.
Oh, and she's finishing.
734 points.
Elis, you need 500 more points in
about a second!
LAUGHTER
How did she do that?!
Oh!
Edith has scored 834 points.
Elis has scored 264 points.
Elis has a point.
CHEERING
OK, second bout. All ready for the
second bout?
Yeah. Three, two, one...
There you go.
And we're back. You can do it, Elis.
That's it!
Doing much better now.
Oh! There's a combo.
Now running to a lead now.
It's like he's beginning to
understand what the game involves.
I like they've kept their watches
on. That's what real Ninjas would
do.
Look at the scores there...
Oh! She's frozen time. That's always
very good.
Very clever. Edith is on 130
roughly.
Elis is way ahead this time.
Ah.
Another combo there, but Elis is a
couple of hundred points ahead.
He's way ahead. Yes, she's got to
get some good combos.
She's going to need a red, stripy
banana.
That's good. That's a double your
score banana she's just got there.
So she's got two times the amount
of... What are they?
Elis has frozen time.
Gone silent.
Appreciation.
CHEERING
Oh, my Lord...
Elis is still ahead. He's
approaching 450.
Oh, yes!
She needed that banana. She got it.
Yes... Oh, this is still all to play
for.
Elis... She might...
Plus bonus points... No.
Elis scored 545.
Wait a minute, wait a minute...
425.
This is going to the decider.
Elis, you pulled that out of the bag,
didn't you?
I realised that I've always hated
fruit.
LAUGHTER
This is the decider.
Three, two, one...
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
60 seconds to decide who is champion.
There we go. Straight in.
Another combo. Well done.
Oh, yes. Combo bliss. So it's a great
start for Edith.
She's just hammering it. She's way
ahead already.
She is.
Oh, that's a huge one.
He's frozen. He's frozen time. That's
always a fantastic thing.
Sometimes Elis is looking in the
wrong place for his fruit.
I do worry about the waste. Where
does it all go?
Smoothies and juice, of course.
Oh, look, she's up to 400.
This is vintage Bowman.
But look at this!
Whoa! My Lord.
She's gone slow combo, she's gone
fast combo...
I think it's a hammering, an absolute
hammering.
Bomb. That was a shame.
You just keep going, Elis.
You're a brave boy.
You're Daddy's little Ninja.
Come on, Edith, bring it home.
Might as well stick a bow on this.
This one is done.
It turns out... Look at that.
Look at that. Might as well shut down
the studio, and walk home.
Leave Elis there. How long is 60
seconds in Elis' world?
Has he done enough to pull it back?
Of course he hasn't.
He absolutely hasn't!
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
Well, let's head over here.
Please. Take off your helmets, put
them down on the floor, please.
Thank you very much. And then come to
us.
It was very tight at the end there.
The winner of the game...
and the double points go to Steve and
Edith.
Which makes it Steve and Edith!
CHEERING
Thank you to Sam Pamphilon,
Elis James, Edith Bowman,
Steve McNeil and Ellie Gibson.
I'm Dara O'Briain, and that's game
over!
We'll see you next time for more Go 8
Bit.
APPLAUSE
Subtitles by Ericsson
Hello. I'm Dara O'Briain. Welcome to
Go 8 Bit, the show for people who
blithely ignore
health and safety regulations, on the
basis they still have three lives
left.
LAUGHTER
This is a show where gaming and
entertainment are one.
Not to be confused with L-1, which
throws secondary grenades.
Joining gaming fan Steve McNeil's
team this week is a woman who
presented BBC Scotland'scoverage
of the Live Aid anti-poverty charity
event.
Desperate, disadvantaged people
living in inadequate conditions,
scratching a meagre living all over
Scotland
enjoyed listening to her show.
It's Edith Bowman!
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
With gaming mogul Sam Pamphilon is a
man from Wales who still lives in the
country,
and is fluent in the Welsh language.
In fact, he's so one hundred per cent
Welsh that every time he tries to
play Minecraft
Margaret Thatcher shuts the mine
down, and all the villagers go on
strike.
LAUGHTER
It's Elis James.
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
And keeping everyone in check is a
woman who played so many video games
growing up
that she didn't leave school with any
A levels.
She left with an Ice Level, a Lava
Level and a Boss Level.
It's our resident games expert Ellie
Gibson.
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
Welcome to the show. It's kind of a
celebration, and a test of your
gaming ability.
When was your golden era for gaming?
When I was growing up, I grew up in
a hotel in Scotland,
and we had a games room which had a
couple of pool tables, and four
arcade games.
A couple of one-armed bandits, so I
spent a lot of time there.
Sweet. Yeah, it was good.
Do you remember the games? It was...
Track and Field. Ugghhh!
And a hard dose of ugghh, ugghh!
And Pac-Man, and Space Invaders.
All that kind of stuff.
When did you play all your games?
Early '90s.
Master System. And I thought to
myself, "They're not going to
improve on this."
LAUGHTER
From what I understand of
technology, it's probably going to
stop about now.
This is as far as it will go.
My next-door neighbour, he was about
ten years younger than me, and he
had a Game Gear.
I was about 18, and he absolutely
hammered me on Sonic or something.
I was like, "Do you know what I like
doing? I like arm wrestling."
Having pubic hair.
Let's play that game!
Did you play that game?
LAUGHTER
APPLAUSE
Would you be competitive? We're going
to cover a lot of these eras.
Would you be competitive? I think I'm
not,
but as soon as you put me up against
someone in ANYTHING,
yeah.
Will you just threaten to show your
pubic hairs?
A good intro, because I'm
representing Wales.
It does feel like you're both
representing...
We don't know when this is going to
go out.
By the time this goes out, the entire
United Kingdom could have fragmented
anyway.
This could be like - They might
pixilate you out of the show.
I could be king.
King of Wales.
That sounds quite good, actually. It
does.
It sounds quite good.
LAUGHTER
Tonight, our two teams will be
battling over five different video
games
from gaming history, so let's start
with a game back from the days when,
if you had a curvedTV
it was probably because you left it
too near a radiator.
What are we playing?
Our first games character is
mega-popular,
he's mega-cool, and like Steve
McNeil, he came here on the Megabus.
It's Mega Man II.
CHEERING
First introduced in 1987 on the NES,
Mega Man is one of the most popular
video game characters of all time.
In his native Japan, he's actually
known as Rock Man,
a name that was changed for the west
so people didn't think he was just a
massive Iron Maiden fan.
There have been more than 50 Mega
Man games over the years,
including ten main titles, and
dozens of spin-offs.
That's not including all the cameo
appearances he's made
in games like Marvel versus Capcom.
Basically, everybody loves him, and
he turns up in everything.
He's the Olivia Coleman of video
games.
The core Mega Man games are brutally
difficult action platformers.
You have to guide our hero through
devilishly designed stages
on the trail of eight powerful robot
masters.
Each one has a different elemental
power, and evocative names like
Metalman...
LAUGHTER
Sadly, Dennis Rodman was cut from
the game for being too unrealistic.
Each time you defeat one of the
bosses, you gain their weapon,
which is nice, and generously, the
Mega Man games let you play the
levels in any order.
Just like if your mum let you eat
your pudding first,
and then use your new pudding power
to defeat the soup.
LAUGHTER
As well as games, Mega Man has
starred in comic books, cartoons,
and was even the inspiration for a
rock opera.
And inevitably, there's a
blockbuster Hollywood movie in
development.
But who could possibly play the lead
role?
Nailed it.
APPLAUSE
That's Mega Man II.
Famous for one thing as well. Famous
for being ridiculously difficult.
Yeah, it's a very hard game, but
mega-popular as well.
Normally, you know, if you're going
to be enormously popular,
the thing has to be vaguely
accessible.
This, you will see in a second, is
stupidly difficult.
It's like the Brief History of Time
of video games.
It's enormously popular. No-one has
finished it.
LAUGHTER
So, we're going to play, but what are
the rules?
We're playing Mega Man II.
All our players will be working in
teams, swapping the controller each
time they lose a life.
We're playing the Woodman stage. The
winning team will be the first one
to destroy the three blue dogs.
What the Christ is...?!
There's no other way to say it that
makes it make sense.
That's literally what's happening.
I don't really know what's going on,
to be honest.
Will we recognise the blue dogs when
they appear?
Well, do you know what the colour
blue looks like?
I do.
Have you ever seen a dog? I have.
Then I think we're in!
Will it be Sam and Elis, or Edith and
Steve?
While you're voting, teams, controls
at the ready because it's time to go
clockwise.
OK, the vote is in.
I shall be the King of Wales!
Queen of Scots!
39 per cent Elis and Sam, which
means there are 61 points available
for the winning team here.
Teams, it's who can clear these
three blue dogs.
Let's see if we can spot them.
In three...
Let's Go 8 Bit.
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
Always with a difficult game, best
to start second, I think.
Buy yourself some vital seconds of
not playing at all.
Yes.
Not a dog. That's a rabbit.
Just avoided the...
Oh!
This is just ludicrous.
Killed by a carrot... This is, you
know...
What the hell is this game?!
There was not a lot to do in the
'80s.
They had to make things hard just to
give you something to do.
OK...
So...
Oh!
Just going around him...
Oh... He's got away from that.
If in doubt, run away. That's a blue
dog!
That's definitely a blue dog!
That's definitely a blue dog.
And they're dead. OK.
Hooray!
APPLAUSE
Oh, there's another blue dog.
Sam's on the controls now. Edith
still...
Oh!
OK, Steve has taken over.
Come on!
Running into his open jaws is an
interesting strategy.
It's not possible! That'll be
done...
What?!
What is this you've discovered?
You've broken into the game's code,
Sam. What have you done?
I'm having a breakdown.
Why have you paused it? I don't know!
LAUGHTER
I'm pressing start!
APPLAUSE
The fact that Sam can't even work
the pause menu -
CHEERING
Look, look!
Full power. One dog beaten. One blue
dog beaten.
Oh, God. Come on, Steve, put this dog
down.
Come on, come on.
Oh, come on. Yes!
CHEERING
My God.
I'm supposed to be non-committal
here, but Jesus, kill that dog.
LAUGHTER
Come on. Let us all live, see our
families again.
Shoot it, for God's sake!
Don't do this, don't this.
Steven! Yes!
CHEERING
Whoo!
Well done.
My God...
That is the first time ever the
other team have been cheering for
me.
By the way, there's still more of
that level to go.
Thank you
That means the 61 points go to Steve
and Edith!
APPLAUSE
We'll be going 8 Bit with Elis and
Edith's favourite video games of all
time.
What will they be? Find out after the
break.
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
Welcome back. Already tonight we've
seen Steve bracket and Edith, close
bracket...
Harsh!
The whole room was behind Steve on
this one.
Elis and Sam with their first GAME...
Mega Man II.
But now our guests delve into their
gaming past, and nominate one of
their favourite-ever video games.
First to choose for Steve's team is
Edith.
I have gone with Snowboard Party.
Snowboard Party...?
That's a nice response. Kind of.
Well, maybe they don't know it.
Ellie?
Yes, there ain't no party like a
snowboard party.
It's a snowboard party.
LAUGHTER
Why pay a fortune to visit a ghastly
ski resort,
dress up like a clown, and risk
injuring yourself,
when you can do the whole thing on
your mobile phone?
Yeah, Snowboard Party captures all
the thrill of snowboarding
but without the frostbite, and
nagging sense of pointlessness.
Now you don't even have to leave the
house to enjoy meaningless
activities like catchingbig air,
and messing about on a half pipe,
whatever that is.
LAUGHTER
The game also comes with a shouty
rock soundtrack
with music from Jack Counteract, We
Outspoken and Minds Without Purpose.
No, we've never heard of them
either.
But that's OK, because there's also
the option to listen to your own
music.
How about a bit of...?
Sorry.
Sadly, Snowboard Party doesn't
replicate the apres-ski,
where you get off your trolley
surrounded by minor royals,
and privileged teenagers on their
gap year.
Just make sure you don't get too
piste!
Oh, God...
APPLAUSE
So...that is Snowboard Party. Why do
you like this game?
My eight-year-old plays it on the
iPad.
I've never beaten him yet.
That's going to be extra-offensive
when I lose this.
See, I don't do the sliding sports. I
don't get the sliding sports at all.
So, you're playing this... Do you do
these things?
I don't know. I'm not really good at
slidey games.
Stop calling them slidey games!
It's an Olympic sport.
This is not an Olympic sport!
It's an Olympic sport in the slidey
Olympics.
That's all it is. Because it's not a
racecourse.
There are rules. How are we going to
play?
Edith is taking on Sam now. Players
earn points for performing tricks.
Whoever ends up with the highest
score will win.
Who do you think will win Snowboard
Party?
Edith or Sam? And while you're
voting, players, have your
controllers at the ready.
It's time now to experience the
world's smallest centrifugal force!
CHEERING
OK, the results are in.
King of Wales, guys!
LAUGHTER
69 points are at stake.
Edith and Sam, if you're ready, in
three, two...
Let's Go 8 Bit.
CHEERING
Snowboard Party. You can usually
find me in the kitchen at a
Snowboard Party.
Sam's even got a backpack ready.
Going to stop off and have some
lunch.
Or returning some library books.
Whoo!
Edith's wearing a lovely red number.
She looks like she's going fox
hunting.
Bonus points for that. So... Oh,
hello! Look at that!
You just did a 360, I think.
Do you actually know any
snowboarding... We'll just make them
up.
That's the whole point. It's like, oh
that was - I'm in a tree.
That was spin-tacular.
Oh, look at that fat partridge.
That was a good one.
Trying to put me off.
Oh, no, lost her balance there
on the...rail.
LAUGHTER
At the half pipe. Will she loop
around? Look at this!
Oh...
How was that no points for that?
The hanging time there was quite...
Actually - What is that doing there?!
Remarkably, Sam is lost and unaware
of which way is down.
LAUGHTER
But is still 10,000 points ahead of
Edith.
Yeah, I'm not quite sure what's
going on there.
Hugging the fence.
No...
Oh, here we go, here we go.
Oh, no, he's lost some points, but
look, here comes - Oh!
Look at that. There we go, and then
hits a piece of...equipment. Yeah.
What's going on? Lovely Pot Noodle
by Bowman there.
Oh, hello... OH, hello!
Upside-downsy Sam, and he scores.
That's the term - upside-downsy Sam.
Yeah, he is still 10,000 points in
the lead there.
He seemed to get 10,000 really
quickly.
And has done nothing... Oh, up a
tree.
There's very little time for Edith to
turn this around unless she does a
spectacular leap at the end here.
She's playing it a bit safe. She's
gone for the middle!
Oh, listen, for that alone...
Oh!
Oh, dear. She needs to do more
tricks.
At the moment it's not so much
snowboarding as commuting.
LAUGHTER
CHEERING
Oh my God!
APPLAUSE
That I want to see again.
You're really good at that. Maybe
I'll be good at real snowboarding.
Obviously what you should take from
that, and you should now
book a really high-level snowboarding
holiday and go straight to the top of
the mountain.
I'm off to Val d'Isere now!
Get a plane. We'll get a private Go 8
Bit plane to drop you off on the way
home.
The 69 points go to Elis and Sam.
OK, Elis, what game are you
nominating?
Street Fighter V.
CHEERING
Tell us more.
Our teams must use all their guile
now
as we give them a blanker canvas to
see who can pull off the best moves.
And whose fighting skills are a load
of Balrogs.
LAUGHTER
That's right, it's Tekken. Not
really. It's Street Fighter V.
Judging by the title, you might
assume Street Fighter V is the fifth
instalment in the series.
But you'd be an idiot.
In fact, there are more than 120
Street Fighter titles, sequels and
spin-offs.
It's got a Guinness World Record and
everything.
Published by Capcom, Street Fighter
V was released back in February,
2016.
The game saw several new fighters
joining favourites like Ryu,
Chun-Li, Ken and that camp Spanish
guy.
Here's Nikali, an Aztec god who
devours the souls of the best
fighters.
He's so tough no-one has dared tell
him he looks like Mick Hucknall on
steroids.
Somebody at Capcom must be a big fan
of '90s soul and funk,
because another new character -
F.A.N.G. - wears ridiculous hats,
and is literally poisonous to the
touch, just like Jamiroquai.
LAUGHTER
And here's the game's only new
female character, Laura.
She fights with the power of
inappropriate clothing.
But never let it be said Capcom
isn't tuned in to modern,
progressive attitudes.
The publisher removed one animation
from the game after it was pointed
out
that having your female fighters
slapping their bare bottom cheeks
during a fight was probably a bit
sexist.
What a bummer.
APPLAUSE
Why do you like the game so much?
What I loved about Street Fighter II
was Ken was capable of great
violence.
With a name like Ken. What an eerily
normal name.
It's sounds like somebody your
parents would have round for a
barbecue.
You know? Yeah, he'll break your
spine off. It's Dennis.
LAUGHTER
Can I ask a question? Has the sheep
always been there?
No, because the backdrops are very
important in Street Fighter.
They always have them places where
you presume...
I think it started with streets.
No!
Yes. And they would fight in the
street.
People would be like looking at you,
and now they are just in weird rural
locations.
It's a Zen garden. There's a sheep
just wandering around.
It's more like Lake District
Fighter. It is.
Somebody had to animate the sheep.
There's a programmer somewhere goes,
"I worked on the new Street Fighter
game."
"Really? What did you do?" "I did the
sheep..."
LAUGHTER
OK, Ellie, what are the rules? It's
the best of five bouts, with Elis
fighting as Ken, and Steve as
Go, Ken.
Ken! (IN NERDY VOICE) Hello.
Just have to do some...street
fighting.
I've actually come here for the
extreme violence.
Anyway, who do you think is going to
win Street Fighter V?
Will it be Elis or Steve?
And while you're voting, players,
controllers at the ready.
All the world's a stage, and now it's
time to spin it.
OK.
The numbers are in.
Tight one!
It's Brexit all over again.
52 per cent for Steve, and 48 per
cent for Elis.
Farewell, King of Wales.
It does mean 52 points are up for
grabs.
So the two of you, if you're ready,
in...
Let's Go 8 Bit. Come on, Ken.
Here we are.
Come on, Ken!
Ooh!
Hit him with the blue thing.
Hit him with unfeasible leg spin.
That's it, Ken!
Back off to the other sides, back
away. Back away.
Back away, back away!
You may resume fighting now.
Watch it, Ken!
No, right in the goules!
Oh, he's got him!
God!
He's unleashed that blue thing a lot.
Oh, elbow to the head. Oh, that's
embarrassing.
That was effective, it has to be
said.
Pull it out of the bag now...
When I say pull it out of the bag, I
mean be better at this game.
Oh!
Best of five, remember?
Right, pause. Let me just have a
brief moment here.
Elis, what's going on?
I've realised I don't actually like
violence.
LAUGHTER
I don't thrive in a violent setting,
but I'm in too deep now, and the
programme's on.
OK. Come on, Elis, pull it out this
time.
Let's go.
There's a sheep. There's a sheep.
Oh, there's a lizard as well.
There he is. Oh, he's still...
Oh, there we go. Good man, Elis.
Repeatedly punching him.
Wee-hee!
That's it, that's it. Good man, Elis,
very good.
Oh, no...
Oh!
Yes!
Oh, well done. This is amazing.
Elis has got a brand-new combine
harvester.
Come on now.
Oh, you're so close to a victory!
Elis, go on!
Quick! Oh...
Elis, come on!
CHEERING
Yes!
What happened there?
I realised actually I have a real
lust for violence.
LAUGHTER
Once I get going, it's me at my
best.
OK, so one win each. It's best of
five, as we said.
Ready to start again.
Come on, Shula. I thought we were
watching The Archers for a minute.
Oh, no, that's always embarrassing.
You don't often see sheep and
parakeets in the same natural
setting.
It's quite a rare..
One is the natural predator of the
other.
Uh oh!
There is nothing funnier than when
that happens. We all need to see
that...
Too long fiddling about with your
wazzy balls.
APPLAUSE
OK, two-one to Steve. Come on, Elis.
Oh... Oh, there we are.
Yes. Oh, hello.
Oh, dear.
Someone's very cross, aren't they?
Oh!
Proper...
Whoa!
Yes.
You love that one, don't you?
How do you do the throw, so we can do
it?
Oh, no, it's only going one way now.
It's only going one way.
He's electric. Watch out!
No, no!
CHEERING
Yeah.
He's really good.
That's really unsatisfying to me,
you managed to finish it with a
special move.
I know how that's a nice little
story in your head!
I missed twice. It could never have
happened, and then, at the final
moment
I did my special move, and not only
did it land properly,
it won me the bout, and nay, the
match!
APPLAUSE
That means the 52 points go to Steve
and Edith!
APPLAUSE
Join us after the break when our
teams will be going mediaeval on each
other's asses.
See you in a minute for more Go 8
Bit.
Welcome back to Go 8 Bit. I'm joined
by Steve and Edith,
who are currently topping Elis and
Sam in tonight's video gaming
face-off.
Time to play a recently released game
that's been exciting gamers
everywhere.
Tell us more. Well, what do you do
when you've got a really revolting,
superating boil?
Lance A Lot.
As the name suggests, Lance A Lot is
a jousting game in which you use
your lance...
a lot.
Don't worry - the game is better
than that joke.
LAUGHTER
Traditional jousting took place on
horseback,
because it was the olden days, and
they didn't have flying jet
scooters.
That's all changed now, of course,
which means our players
will be whizzing around the arena
with flames coming out of their
bottoms.
Basically, it's closing time after a
quick round
of the Vindaloo Challenge at the
Croydon Curry Palace.
Scoring is simple. It only takes one
hit to knock another player off
their mount.
It's like snooker, except the cue is
12ft long,
and the ball is a human head in a
tin can.
The game takes its name from the
famous Sir Lancelot of the Knights
of the Round Table.
He was King Arthur's most loyal
friend, right up until he had it off
with Arthur's bird Guinevere,
at which point it all went a bit
Jeremy Kyle.
Jousting has a long history in video
games,
going all the way back to arcade
classic Joust
in which the knights strutted around
on ostriches for no good reason.
Although it was 1982. Perhaps they
were just big fans of Rod Hull.
LAUGHTER
There's even a chance jousting will
make a comeback as real-life sport,
with English Heritage pitching to
have it included in the 2020
Olympics.
I'm just disappointed they're not
pushing for eye-wateringly graphic
indie game Genital Jousting to be
included.
Who wouldn't want to hear Clare
Balding explaining to Steve Cram
how the (BLEEP) goes right into the
(BLEEP)?
LAUGHTER
APPLAUSE
This is indie game Lance A Lot.
Mediaeval, but also futuristic, in
a...
In a floating kind of weird
field-type...
Yes. It looks very nice. And it's
great fun.
Fantastic fun. I was playing it
earlier.
You were playing. There was another
guy playing with us, and I thought
I'd speared him.
I thought I'd chased him around, and
then chased him back round the other
way,
and speared him, but that was you,
and I was doing the exact same move,
just over there somewhere.
Going around, and around, and, "Look
at me, I'm steering him."
OK, this is an unusual game, because
you have to help each other.
We're playing a thing called Capture
the Flag, which is the kind of thing
that only exists in video games.
Yes... Where one of you is holding
on.
And the other has to block off the
others, really.
A lot of teamwork involved in this.
If this sounds weird, the game was
actually inspired by another game,
which is about narwhals jousting in
space.
Which was itself inspired by 43 cans
of high-strength Swedish lager.
LAUGHTER
Here we are - Lance A Lot. Which of
course is also the answer to the
question,
"What WAS the name of that cyclist,
and how many drugs did he do?"
LAUGHTER
Tell us the rules of the game we're
going to play.
We're playing a game of Capture the
Flag.
The longer our teams hold onto the
flag, the more points they'll score.
Whoever is first to reach 100 points
will win for their team.
Who's going to win it? Teamwork and
lancing...
I think with my lust for violence,
and Elis' probably lust for not
having violence,
I will capture the flag, he will
defend me
by fending off the others using his
body as a shield,
and we will take victory, and we
will strike fear into the hearts of
our enemies.
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
Elis, will you throw your body in
front of a lance for Sam?
I have done in the past, and I will
do again.
Do you know who's going to grab the
flag?
We've got a natural advantage,
because all the characters
are quite similar colours, and Sam's
colour-blind.
I don't know which one I am. I'm
assuming I'm the guy with the flag.
Defend the one with the flag, Elis.
We're going to be fine.
OK, so who's going to come out on
top?
Will it be Sam and Elis, or Edith and
Steve?
Teams, controllers at the ready.
On the Australian version of this
show, this goes the other way round.
Time to spin the stage.
OK...
Again we have the votes, and again
they're quite close.
ALL: Ooh!
We'll play for 54 points.
It's capture the flag, defend your
team with the flag.
Teams...
Let's Go 8 Bit.
OK, grand. Sam, you're in white.
That's right.
We're looking after each other.
Yeah.
The scores at the top there. It's
first to 100.
So, basically... Oh, well done!
Elis, yes, I will defend you.
Defend me.
Oh, they're fighting each other.
Internal strife going on between
Stevo...
Not as much of a unified team as they
let on.
Elis is hanging onto that flag.
There's a lot of not going anywhere
near each other happening in this
game.
LAUGHTER
I'm stuck in a tree!
Steve is stuck in a tree.
Yes!
Meanwhile, Elis is... Elis is just
holding on.
If Elis gets... Oh!
He's lost it. Elis has lost the
flag.
So Steve has the flag, I believe.
Yeah, Steve has taken possession.
Edith and Sam...
they'll get there.
OK, the two of you are together now.
Elis and Sam...
Oh! Beautifully done, Elis!
Now Elis has to hold on for 30 more
seconds to win the game,
and be defended by Sam.
Oh...
Hello...
Oh!
Only 13 seconds away. Come on, Sam.
He's 13 seconds away. Run, run, for
your life.
Quick, Sam! Escape!
I'm sorry. Now Steve has the flag.
I'm stuck in a tree again.
Oh!
Oh!
That was beautiful. Well done, Elis.
Only seven seconds. Can he hold on?
And he's got it.
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
So hard. That was so slow.
It was slow, but also...compelling.
LAUGHTER
I'm going to see if we can get the
replay of the moment where you stole
it for the last time.
That was quite beautifully done.
He was really good at it. Do you
know what...?
I used to be glad it WASN'T
mediaeval times.
Now, I think, despite stuff like
paracetamol and the Internet...
..I think I'd have fitted in then.
You'd have done fine in jetpack-based
mediaeval times.
Because Steve had the flag, was
racking up the points, and then this
occurred.
Look at him - he's down there, got
bounced off into space, feeling
cocky.
Oh!
And that was it. Just held on for the
next nine seconds.
Defending there as well. And look at
them - end up in a heap.
End up in a heap. Yeah.
That means the 54 points go to Elis
and Sam!
APPLAUSE
And that, by the way, is as close as
it ever gets.
There's only ten points between the
two teams as we go into the final
part.
After the break our teams will be
pairing up, and going bananas
when we return for the deciding part
of tonight's Go 8 Bit.
Welcome back to Go 8 Bit. Sam and
Elis, Edith and Steve
have been fighting it out over four
video games in a bid to become
tonight's champions.
Time for our final challenge now,
and we've super-sized a video game
classic
for our teams to try and conquer, and
all to play for
because it's...
ALL: Ooh!
Which doesn't matter, because there's
only ten points between them anyway.
Still, we made the graphic. Ellie.
Tonight's final challenge is a game
that combines healthy eating with
stealthy beating.
It's Fruit Ninja.
Back in feudal Japan, Ninjas were
respected members of society,
widely feared for their ruthless
mindset, and elite combat skills.
Today, of course, they're best known
for being really good at cutting up
bananas.
And that's all thanks to...
the game where you have to slice and
dice with a swipe of your finger.
Extra points are awarded for slicing
more than one bit of fruit at a
time,
but three misses, and it's...
Watch out, because along with pieces
of fruit
you'll find bombs being lobbed at
you.
Not sure they're one of your five a
day.
Fruit Ninja is the work of Halfbrick
Studios, based in Brisbane,
Australia.
This might explain why the game is
easier if you play it upside-down.
It's true. Try it. It works.
Since the game's launch in 2010,
Fruit Ninja has been downloaded more
than a billion times.
Players spent the equivalent of 71
years chopping up virtual produce
every day, which isn't a waste of a
life, is it...?
One in seven people worldwide have
had a go at Fruit Ninja.
That means if the game had been
around in the 1800s,
everyone on the planet would have
played it.
Of course, in reality, everyone was
really into Chuckie Egg back then.
LAUGHTER
So, that is Fruit Ninja,
one of the world's most ancient and
venerable fighting arts
reduced to the preparation of salad.
So, yes, we do need...
Elis and Edith, for you to leave now
and prepare for this game,
so if we could let them go, ladies
and gentlemen.
APPLAUSE
Right, Ellie, tell us about the
special version we're playing
tonight.
Well, we've got our hands on the
latest virtual reality version of
Fruit Ninja.
Basically, it's an excuse for us to
make Edith and Elis
mince around in ridiculous costumes
with a game that I like to call...
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
What a delightful and accurate
tribute to one of the most ancient
and venerable fightingarts.
Ellie, tell us more. Well, as you can
see, our players are dressed as
Ninjas.
They have to slice as much fruit as
possible within the time limit.
The highest-scoring player will win,
and it's the best of three rounds.
So who will win this game of Smoothie
Operators?
Will it be Elis or Edith? Elis is
going to win.
For the simple reason, he's a wily
man.
So I think he has...
nimbleness...
LAUGHTER
..but also the vitamin deficiency...
LAUGHTER
..that's required to win Fruit
Ninja.
You will be aware that you look
wonderful as Ninjas.
But when you're slicing individual
fruit, it will look like you're at a
Northern Soul disco.
You'll just be doing this for ages.
It'll be amazing.
That is essentially... Yeah.
Let's see which way the audience
voted.
Oh, tight again!
It's amazing. This entire show has
been right down the middle.
49 per cent for Steve and Edith, 51
per cent for Elis and Sam.
So, 102 points up for grabs.
It's enough to win. It is.
But then, so is 11.
OK, please don your headsets, thank
you very much.
Let's do this properly.
I get one go at this. One go.
GASPING
Oh, yeah, you do this ha-ha now.
You're going to be deaf in a second.
OK, in three, two, one...
APPLAUSE
Come on, Elis!
Oh, hello. No...
Here we are.
You slice the fruit, you avoid the
bombs.
And you look for things that would
freeze time.
Yes, frozen bananas will freeze time
for you.
Good start for Elis. Not so much for
Edith, I'm afraid.
Best of three bouts, though,
remember?
Ten points ahead, but she still...
Oh! Combo.
That was a yes!
Edith just hit a frenzied banana.
Which means she gets lots of extra
fruit.
Storming ahead, storming...
She's 150 points out. She's
approaching 300 now.
That's it, go crazy.
Edith really does not like fruit,
does she?
She does NOT like fruit.
Stab that pineapple to death, Edith.
Edith is scarily good at this.
She's just crushing it.
It's embarrassing. We should put her
out of her misery.
Edith is... Edith is...500 points
ahead.
She's like she's on fire.
Oh, and she's finishing.
734 points.
Elis, you need 500 more points in
about a second!
LAUGHTER
How did she do that?!
Oh!
Edith has scored 834 points.
Elis has scored 264 points.
Elis has a point.
CHEERING
OK, second bout. All ready for the
second bout?
Yeah. Three, two, one...
There you go.
And we're back. You can do it, Elis.
That's it!
Doing much better now.
Oh! There's a combo.
Now running to a lead now.
It's like he's beginning to
understand what the game involves.
I like they've kept their watches
on. That's what real Ninjas would
do.
Look at the scores there...
Oh! She's frozen time. That's always
very good.
Very clever. Edith is on 130
roughly.
Elis is way ahead this time.
Ah.
Another combo there, but Elis is a
couple of hundred points ahead.
He's way ahead. Yes, she's got to
get some good combos.
She's going to need a red, stripy
banana.
That's good. That's a double your
score banana she's just got there.
So she's got two times the amount
of... What are they?
Elis has frozen time.
Gone silent.
Appreciation.
CHEERING
Oh, my Lord...
Elis is still ahead. He's
approaching 450.
Oh, yes!
She needed that banana. She got it.
Yes... Oh, this is still all to play
for.
Elis... She might...
Plus bonus points... No.
Elis scored 545.
Wait a minute, wait a minute...
425.
This is going to the decider.
Elis, you pulled that out of the bag,
didn't you?
I realised that I've always hated
fruit.
LAUGHTER
This is the decider.
Three, two, one...
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
60 seconds to decide who is champion.
There we go. Straight in.
Another combo. Well done.
Oh, yes. Combo bliss. So it's a great
start for Edith.
She's just hammering it. She's way
ahead already.
She is.
Oh, that's a huge one.
He's frozen. He's frozen time. That's
always a fantastic thing.
Sometimes Elis is looking in the
wrong place for his fruit.
I do worry about the waste. Where
does it all go?
Smoothies and juice, of course.
Oh, look, she's up to 400.
This is vintage Bowman.
But look at this!
Whoa! My Lord.
She's gone slow combo, she's gone
fast combo...
I think it's a hammering, an absolute
hammering.
Bomb. That was a shame.
You just keep going, Elis.
You're a brave boy.
You're Daddy's little Ninja.
Come on, Edith, bring it home.
Might as well stick a bow on this.
This one is done.
It turns out... Look at that.
Look at that. Might as well shut down
the studio, and walk home.
Leave Elis there. How long is 60
seconds in Elis' world?
Has he done enough to pull it back?
Of course he hasn't.
He absolutely hasn't!
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
Well, let's head over here.
Please. Take off your helmets, put
them down on the floor, please.
Thank you very much. And then come to
us.
It was very tight at the end there.
The winner of the game...
and the double points go to Steve and
Edith.
Which makes it Steve and Edith!
CHEERING
Thank you to Sam Pamphilon,
Elis James, Edith Bowman,
Steve McNeil and Ellie Gibson.
I'm Dara O'Briain, and that's game
over!
We'll see you next time for more Go 8
Bit.
APPLAUSE
Subtitles by Ericsson