Glee (2009–2015): Season 6, Episode 12 - 2009 - full transcript

Flashbacks to the original New Directions members joining the club.

Honey...

you're never gonna believe
what I did today.

I decided to take
over the Glee Club.

(school bell ringing)
KURT: My name is Kurt Hummel.

I'm a sophomore at McKinley.

My first day at this school,

the principal got up in front
of the whole freshman class

and told us that
the next four years

were going to be the best years
of our lives.

Out of the way, fag!

What a joke.



Sorry.

Hope I didn't make you late
for remedial math.

What was that?

Nothing. I just...
I just said I was sorry.

(kicks books)

Nice.

Hey, bro, don't be gay.

KURT: Another day, another
cataclysmic humiliation.

Everywhere I go,
I'm isolated and alone.

I know my mom used to tell me
how good it made her feel

that I was such a happy kid,

but honestly,
I don't even remember

what that would've
even felt like.

I feel like I could die tomorrow



and I don't think
anyone would really care.

I'm not sure
anyone would even notice.

EMMA:
Can I help you?

Oh! No. I'm-I'm sorry.

I-I just made a wrong turn.

What's your name?
Kurt Hummel.

Hi, Kurt. I'm Miss Pillsbury,
the guidance counselor.

Are you new to the school?
I'm a sophomore.

That's awkward.

Well, if you ever need anything,

my door is always open.

(quietly): One, two,
three, four, five.

Because feelings don't
take vacations, do they?

They work in 24-hour shifts.

I mean, I don't.

I'm only here during
regular school hours.

And I take vacation.

I try not to eat into
my sick days...

It was nice meeting you.
Yeah, it was nice meeting you.

Mm-hmm.

(school bell ringing)

What is that on your hands
and your coveralls?

What would you call that?
Is that oil? Is that grease?

Down at the shop,
we just call it grime.

Grime.
Look, I know why

you asked me down here.

Oh, you do? Oh. Oh, dear.

Is Kurt acting
strangely at home?

Yeah, since he was two.

Look, I know he's a
little bit different,

but I also think
it's a little early

to be talking about it.

I mean, kids,

they grow out of
stuff all the time.

When I was his age,
I was a Bengals fan.

Now I'm a Browns fan,

all the way.
No, sorry,

I don't think we're talking
about the same thing.

Um, I'm worried
that Kurt is, uh...

depressed.

Oh.
No, deeply.

And I'm concerned about him.

Look, I-I walked in on him,
and he was reading this.

Hey.

What's up?

Nothing.

Is it time for me
to start dinner?

Uh, in a minute.

I, uh...

I got called into school by
your guidance counselor today.

She told me...
some upsetting stuff.

I'm fine, Dad.

She's... she's just
overreacting.

Look, Kurt, I don't want to talk

about this any more
than you do. Okay?

You do your thing, I do mine.

But you're all alone down here,
most of the time.

You don't have any friends.

You don't understand.

School is very complicated
for me.

I was a teenager;
I get the pressure.

Making friends... that's why
I joined the football team.

You want me to join
the football team?

Look, I'm not asking here, Kurt.

This is an order.

By the end of this week,
I want you on a team,

or I'm taking away
the sewing machine.

(school bell ringing)

(lively chatter)

May I sit here?

Be careful with the posters.

They take 20 minutes each
to make.

Okay.

I see you're in the Speech Club.

Speech Club, Renaissance Club,

the Muslim Students Club,
Black Student Union.

It's important for me to be
immersed in all cultures.

I'm an actress.

Oh, I know. I've seen
your videos on MySpace.

You're very talented.

I'm Rachel Berry.

Kurt Hummel.

Well, perhaps I should
join the Speech Club.

My-my dad's making me
join something.

And to be honest with you,
I have also been

toying around
with a career in acting.

I'm not toying around
with anything.

The minute I graduate, I'm
going directly to Broadway

and I'm never looking back.

Besides, you can't join
the Speech Club; it's full.

- Oh.
- Can you carry a tune?

- Yes.
- Are you sure?

- Yes.
- Because I don't know

if you've heard the good
news, but the Glee Club

is starting up again. It was
really awful when that perv,

Mr. Ryerson, was in charge,

but Mr. Schuester
is taking over now.

He's the really
cool Spanish teacher

who looks like an old
Justin Timberlake.

When he was in this school
and he was in the Glee Club,

they won nationals.
Do you know how hard that is?

I'm assuming that you're
a contralto or a mezzo-soprano.

We'll explore your vocal range
tomorrow after school.

I'll reserve the auditorium.

(plays single note)

♪ Whenever I see someone ♪

♪ Less fortunate than I ♪

♪ And let's face it, who isn't ♪

♪ Less fortunate than I? ♪

♪ My tender heart
tends to start to bleed ♪

♪ And when someone
needs a makeover ♪

♪ I simply have to take over ♪

♪ I know, I know ♪

♪ Exactly what they need ♪

♪ And even in your case ♪

♪ Though it's
the toughest case ♪

♪ I've yet to face ♪

♪ Don't worry ♪

♪ I'm determined to succeed ♪

♪ Follow my lead ♪

♪ And yes, indeed ♪

♪ You ♪

♪ Will ♪

♪ Be ♪

♪ Popular ♪

♪ You're gonna be popular ♪

♪ I'll teach you
the proper poise ♪

♪ When you talk to boys ♪

♪ Little ways to flirt
and flounce ♪

Ooh! ♪ I'll show you
what shoes to wear ♪

♪ How to fix your hair ♪

♪ Everything that
really counts ♪

♪ To be popular ♪

♪ I'll help you be popular ♪

♪ You'll hang
with the right cohorts ♪

♪ You'll be good at sports ♪

♪ Know the slang
you've got to know ♪

♪ So let's start
'cause you've got an awfully ♪

♪ Long way to go ♪

♪ Don't be offended
by my frank analysis ♪

♪ Think of it as
personality dialysis ♪

♪ Now that I've chosen
to become a pal ♪

♪ A sister and advisor ♪

♪ There's nobody wiser ♪

♪ Not when it comes to ♪

♪ Popular ♪

♪ I know about popular ♪

♪ And with an assist from me
to be who you'll be ♪

♪ Instead of dreary who
you were ♪
♪ Well, are ♪

♪ There's nothing
that can stop you ♪

♪ From becoming popular ♪

♪ Lar ♪

♪ La, la, la, la ♪

♪ You'll be popular ♪

♪ Just not quite as popular ♪

♪ As me. ♪

(laughs) That was incredible!

That is definitely the song
that we need to sing

when we audition together.

Together?
I'm sorry, Kurt,

it-it doesn't
work that way.

When you look at the sky
at night, what do you see?

Um... stars?

Exactly.
Some shine brighter than others,

but they all shine on their own.

I enjoyed singing with you today

and I look forward
to doing it again,

but when it comes to auditions,

it's every man for himself
on this stage.

Eat or be eaten.

This is show choir.

(school bell ringing)

Oh! Um, hi.

- Uh, Miss Jones?
- That's me.

I-I'm Kurt Hummel.

Mm-hmm. Kurt Hummel.

And what do you want?

We're walking, we're talking.

Well, I heard that you
were a-a total star

in your church choir
and that you cracked

a stained glass window
when you hit a high note

singing ♪ Jesus. ♪

Well, that's how you get
the big man upstairs' attention.

Well, I want to be
just like you.

Kurt, you are...
you're adorable.

But I just don't think
that this pale, sexy,

Keebler Elf look really fits in
with my church choir.

I mean, no offense.

Oh, no, no.
None taken.

No, no, not a church.

Uh, here, in the new Glee Club.

Haven't you heard?

Why wait for Sundays to be
Aretha Franklin and Beyoncé

and Donna Summer
when you can do it

every day right here at
William McKinley High School?

Miss Jones is listening.

Well, I-I want to audition,

but I'm a-a nobody, you know?

You know, I don't know
what song to sing,

I don't know what to do
with my hands when I'm singing,

I don't know how to
move all cool, like...

like you do, because...
because you're you,

and, well, I'm-I'm...

I'm this.

But inside, I'm-I'm more.

Okay.

I will help.

First tip:

you have an incredibly loud
sense of fashion...

Which, you know, respect.

But I see the way
that you slink around

at this school.
Mm-hmm.

It's time for your attitude
to match your outfits.

I guess I just feel safer

if I let all the clothes
do the talking.

In a way, it lets me
feel invisible.

Not anymore.

I think I might know
the perfect song for you.

KURT:
Hello, I'm Kurt Hummel

and I'll be singing
"Mr. Cellophane."

KURT:
♪ Cellophane ♪

♪ Mr. Cellophane ♪

♪ Should've been my name ♪

♪ Mr. Cellophane ♪

♪ 'Cause you can look
right through me ♪

♪ Walk right by me ♪

♪ And never know I'm there ♪

♪ Never ♪

♪ Even ♪

♪ Know... ♪

♪ I'm there. ♪

Thank you. That was...
that was really nice.

(power tools whirring)

KURT:
Hey, Dad!

- I did it.
- Huh?

- I joined a team.
- Hey, hey! All right!

There we go, Kurt!
Which one?

- The Glee Club.
- What's Glee Club?

It's amazing. We-we
sing and we dance

and it's full of inducing
community-based activities.

Look, uh, Kurt...

it's not like I got
a problem with it.

I'm all for singing and dancing,
but the point of this

was for you to feel
what it's like to bond

over a shared goal.

Well, Glee Club
is-is kind of like that.

At the end of the term,
we-we perform

at this big competition
in front of an audience.

Against other schools, you know?

So it really is
like a sports team?

Yeah, yeah, uh, kind of.

Except with choreography
and Beyoncé.

Who's Beyoncé? She one of
the girls on the team?

No, Dad, she's, like, the
biggest pop star in the world.

Oh.
I mean, we-we could use

a-a strong male lead,

but... I really think it's-it's
gonna be something special.

Okay, good.

This is good.

I still think it'd do you good

to be part of
a real sports team, but...

well, you seem happy.

Honestly, Dad, I don't
think I've ever been this

genuinely excited
to go to school.

Thanks for
pushing me to do this.

Thanks for showing up
for yourself.

MAN:
Hey, Burt!

Yeah?

What?

KURT:
I'm gay, Dad.

Please don't stop loving me,
but I'm gay.

We good?

I got to go deal with this.

Yeah... yeah, yeah, we're good.

Okay.

BURT:
Who needs me?

(School bell ringing) MERCEDES: My
name is Mercedes Jones,

and I don't have a lot
of friends at this school.

I mean, it's not like
I get picked on,

and folks are nice, I guess,

but there sure are a lot of
white folks here at McKinley.

I mean, there is
that one black kid,

but he's real boring.

- Hey, Mercedes.
- Yeah. Hi.

I'm a big star at my church,

where everybody knows
I got a big-ass voice,

but here, I'm just a nobody.

But that's all gonna change
real soon

because I heard
they're jump-starting

the singing club at McKinley,

and Mercedes Jones has
decided to sign up.

(school bell ringing)

Excuse me, Mercedes Jones?

Hi, I'm Rachel Berry.

I saw that you signed up
for the Glee Club. Me, too.

I can tell by
your sloppy signature

that you have
a very strong personality,

and I can tell by the way
that you hold your torso

that you have
a very strong diaphragm,

which means that
you're very talented.

Which is good, because
I'm very talented, too.

Well, it's nice to
meet you, Rachel.

Guess I'll be seeing
you in Glee Club.

Here's the thing:
we're both gonna be competing

for the female lead, which I
want us to see as a good thing.

My dads always say: the
person who's better than you,

or maybe, in this case,

maybe the person who's
almost as good as you

should be considered
your best friend.

Okay, let me just stop you
right there, because I can see

what it is you're trying to do.
You're trying to get all

in my head and make me nervous
like Ike Turner

so you can swoop down
and get all the attention.

But let me tell you something.

I've been dealing with
this kind of nonsense

for the past three years
in my church choir,

and I overcame it
and I'm over it.

You go to one of those
singing black churches.

That's amazing.

One of my dads is black.

See? Another thing
that we have in common.

What?
A black dad.

Okay, girl, I got
to go to gym class.

I'd really love to
hear you sing one time.

Maybe I could
come to your church.

Are you serious?

You want to come to my church?

(Zella Jackson Price's
"I'm His Child" begins)

♪ I may not be the best
at anything ♪

♪ Or have the best of anything ♪

♪ Sometimes I feel like ♪

♪ I'm the least of all ♪

♪ But I know
someone who has everything ♪

♪ And he's my everything ♪

♪ And I'm happy just to know ♪

♪ That I'm his child ♪

♪ His name is Jesus ♪

♪ The righteous son of God ♪

♪ Lily of the valley ♪

♪ Lily of the valley ♪

♪ Bright and morning star ♪

♪ Oh ♪

♪ His name is Jesus ♪
♪ Jesus ♪

♪ He's my everything ♪

♪ He's my everything ♪

♪ I am happy just to know
that I'm his child ♪

♪ I may not be the best
at anything ♪

♪ Or have the best of anything ♪

♪ Sometimes I feel like ♪

♪ I'm the least of all ♪

♪ But I know someone
who has everything ♪

♪ And he's my everything ♪

♪ And I'm happy
just to know I'm his child ♪

♪ His name is Jesus ♪
♪ Oh, his name is Jesus ♪

♪ Righteous son of God ♪

♪ He's the righteous
son of God ♪

♪ Lily of the valley ♪

♪ Lily of the valley ♪

♪ Bright and morning star ♪

♪ Bright and morning star ♪

♪ His name is Jesus ♪

♪ Jesus ♪

♪ He's my everything ♪

♪ He's my everything ♪

♪ I am happy just to know ♪
♪ Happy just to know ♪

♪ I am happy just to know ♪

♪ Happy just to know ♪

♪ That I'm his child. ♪

(applause)

(church bell tolling)

- Yes, sweetie. Okay, take care
of your voice, now. - Okay.

- Okay, bye-bye.
- Mercedes.

I had no idea.
I saw something so special today

that I would not have seen
had you not invited me.

Well, I'm pretty sure
that you invited you,

but I'm glad
that you felt something.

I saw Mercedes Jones,
future R&B star.

Your audience is gonna love you.

Oh, so I hear
what you're saying:

my audience isn't your audience.
I should've known.

Should've known what?

Rachel Berry,
you are officially on notice.

Wherever you think your voice
can go, mine will be there, too.

(school bell ringing)

TINA:
My name is Tina Cohen-Chang,

and you don't care.

I'm wildly unpopular,
but I love being unpopular.

I'm trying to be unpopular,
because I am goth.

Goths have no time for cliché
bougie high school cliques.

We are the anti-clique.

What's up,
Wu-Tang witch?

You ride a broomstick
or a chop-a-stick?

Eat m-m...

D-Don't stutter.
It's not n-nice.

TINA: The joke's on you,
Puckerman... my stutter is fake.

Not even Meryl Streep herself

could fake a stutter
for three and a half years.

I could be a big, big star
if I weren't so shy.

I need to work on that.
And I also need to

stop talking to myself.

Oh, shut up, Tina,
everybody talks to themselves.

Begone, jocks.

Begone, cheerleaders.

You have no power here.

True power comes from
nonconformity.

That's why I embrace
the avant-garde

and the unwanted, including
a boy in a wheelchair.

What's shakin', bacon?

N-N-Nothing.

ARTIE:
My name is Artie Abrams,

and I'm in love
with Tina Cohen-Chang.

She's not only sexy as hell,

she also
treats me like a real person.

Almost everyone else
around here looks at me

like I have terminal cancer
and can somehow spread it

through my wheelchair, but
Tina doesn't look at the chair.

She looks at me.
She jokes with me,

argues with me,
and I know it sounds lame,

but sometimes she even
touches my shoulder or my arm.

It's nice, because
that never happens to me.

She's my best friend.

I love you.

W-W-What?

Nothing.
Uh, let's go eat, woman.

(school bell ringing)

(gasps)

(laughter)

I can't believe you guys did it.

Of course we did it, Autobot,

because you dared us to
and also because

we don't give a what what.

Yeah, and besides,

that Rachel girl had it coming

for making fun of my true form.

Mr. Clarkson, his werewolf
heritage is not a real ethnicity

and I'm allergic
to whatever roadkill he used

to make his tail out of.

Well, she shouldn't have
ditched her otherkin identity.

Quid pro quo, Tina Marie.

W-What does that even m-mean?

Well, Th-that means that
it's your turn to accept a dare,

and I can think of quite a few.

But I think
the most fun of all would be

I dare you and Wheels

to sign up
for the new Glee Club.

Fine. Whatever.

Who even cares?

I sure d-don't.

(Katy Perry's
"I Kissed A Girl" begins)

♪ This was never
the way I planned ♪

♪ Not my intention ♪

♪ I got so brave,
drink in hand ♪

♪ Lost my discretion ♪

♪ It's not what I'm used to ♪

♪ Just wanna try you on ♪

♪ I'm curious for you ♪

♪ Caught my attention ♪

♪ I kissed a girl
and I liked it ♪

♪ The taste of
her cherry ChapStick ♪

♪ I kissed a girl
just to try it ♪

♪ I hope my boyfriend
don't mind it ♪

♪ It felt so wrong,
it felt so right ♪

♪ Don't mean
I'm in love tonight ♪

♪ I kissed a girl ♪

♪ Just to try it ♪

♪ I liked it. ♪

Wow.

Th-Thanks.

See if you can top that, Wheels.

Damn, girl, you nailed it.

(Ginuwine's "Pony" begins)

- Uh, you are?
- I'm Artie Abrams,

and I'll be singing
"Pony" by Ginuwine.

♪ I'm just a bachelor ♪

♪ I'm looking for a partner ♪

♪ Someone who knows
how to ride ♪

♪ Without even falling off ♪

♪ Gotta be compatible ♪

♪ Takes me to my limits ♪

♪ Ooh, girl,
when I break you off ♪

♪ I promise that you won't
want to get off ♪

♪ If you want it ♪

♪ Let's do it ♪

♪ Ride it, my pony ♪

♪ My saddle's waiting ♪

♪ Come and jump on it ♪

♪ If you want it ♪

♪ Let's do it ♪

♪ Ride it, my pony ♪

♪ My saddle's waiting ♪

♪ Come and jump on it ♪

♪ Yeah. ♪

All right, Artie!

That was... that was fun.

Thank you. (Chuckles)

- Ginuwine is a badass.
- Artie, that was

r-really, really good.

I had no idea.

- Really?
- Seriously.

That's the best voice
I have ever heard.

(school bell ringing)

Brad.

Welcome, everybody!

Can I just say
what an awesome job

you all did in your auditions.
I was... I was blown away.

Okay, so...

grab a pair of gloves
and some sheet music.

"S-S-S..." "Sit Down,
You're Rockin' the Boat"

by the legendary Frank Loesser.

We did this at
McKinley's Christmas concert

my sophomore year,
and we got a standing O.

Artie, why don't
you take the lead.

- Yes!
- Mr. Schuester.

With all due respect,

I'm the only member here who was

in Mr. Ryerson's
original Glee Club;

therefore, I should be
getting the first solo.

Say what?

It's the first song; it sets
the precedent for everything.

Rachel, Artie's gonna
sing the first solo, period.

You and everyone else
are gonna have plenty

of opportunities for a
solo; we'll all take turns.

In fact, I was thinking
for sectionals, we would do

a medley from Grease.
Who wants the Sandy part?

Is this even a
discussion right now?!

I'm the only person in this room
who can play Sandy!

- Why? Because you're white?
- RACHEL: Okay, I wouldn't dream

of being Mrs. Saigon
or black Dorothy from the Wiz,

but if we want to be taken
seriously as a glee club,

then it can't be about color
or disability or whatever.

It has to be about who
has the best voice.

Exactly. That would be me.

Let's warm up.

Brad.

(vacuum whirring)

(vacuum stops)

I thought you were
finishing up out here?

I-I was just taking
a little break.

You just left
the vacuum cleaner on

so that I would think
you were cleaning

while you were goofing off
with the sheet music.

(sighs) There is a division
of labor in this house, Will.

You do the cooking and cleaning,

and I will carry our children
when we have them.

Which might not be anytime soon

because I'm sure all this
extra free work you're doing

for the Glee Club
is tiring you out

and making your sperm stressed.

You're right.

I am stressed.

And I'm sure my sperm's stressed, too.
Mm-hmm.

The Glee Club is one day old,
and there's already in-fighting.

(sighs) Which is
kind of my fault,

because I asked
who wanted the first solo,

and Rachel and Mercedes
both raised their hands,

and I don't want to
disappoint either of them.

Just give it to whichever one
is the most pathetic.

It's much harder to be jealous
of someone when you think

you're better than they are.

Even if they get something
that you want.

I love it when you're all smart.

Oh. (Giggles)

I'm only gonna
ask you this once,

and then I promise I will never
bring up the Glee Club again.

Okay.

Is it worth it?

I mean, you know
I'm a little bit psychic.

I have a bad feeling about this.

How could anything bad
come out of a glee club?

Because look how distracted
you are by it already.

What if you end up spending
so much time with the glee kids

that you start neglecting
our time together?

I don't want to become
one of those ignored wives

who has an affair.

You are the love of my life.

And nothing is ever gonna
take you away from me.

Good.

Mr. Schuester, how's the search for
our male lead going?

I took the initiative of making
a list of potential candidates

- based on their yearbook photos.
- Um, thanks, Rachel.

But I was actually headed
to the locker room

- to see if, uh, any of the football
players signed up. - Great.

I also made a list
of all the reasons

why I should be getting
the first solo.

I think it would make
an important statement

to the rest of the team
if you told them

right at the beginning
that I'm the star.

Oh, my God.

A-Are you okay?

(laughter)

I told you.

Everyone hates me.

(school bell ringing)

Everybody up!

We're moving to the auditorium.

Alcoholics Anonymous
has the auditorium.

Not anymore.

Principal Figgins
believes in us so much,

he's giving it to us.

For a while.

Let's go. And grab a copy of
"You're the One That I Want."

Hold up, who gets
to sing the Sandy part?

Rachel.

Are you serious?

I can blow the roof
off that auditorium.

Her little bitty Jewish voice
won't make it

- past the third row.
- Racist!

And untrue. I can belt just
as good as you, better even.

Oh, really?
Well, let's prove it.

Let's have a sing-off
right here, right now.

We're not having a sing-off!

Although that's not a bad idea
for a future exercise.

Rachel has this solo.

Like I said,
you'll all take turns.

Except the white girl
goes first.

The white girl
always goes first.

(sobbing softly)

Hey.

I didn't get the solo.

I lost it to that demented
little Beanie Baby.

Mr. Schuester is never
gonna give me a solo.

It's a waste of time;
I'm gonna quit.

Nobody in there is gonna see me
the way that I see myself.

Mercedes.

You are so young.

Glee Club just started.

Who knows
what your future holds?

Mercedes,

you are a star.

But part of the responsibility

that goes along
with being a star

is learning to share
the spotlight.

Maybe she's gonna get the solos

because she needs it more
than you do right now.

Truth is, Mercedes, Rachel
will make you better.

Her drive and ambition

will help you raise
your expectations of yourself,

and you can use that
to become great.

And I have a feeling

you two are gonna
become great friends.

(scoffs)

(sniffles)

Stars have a way
of finding each other.

Okay, come here.

(school bell ringing)

There you go, Sue.

Some principals would say

that importing a rare silk
trampoline mat

from China is an extravagance,
but not this principal.

The Cheerios! Are McKinley
High's number one priority.

Oh, thank you so much,
Principal Figgins.

I could have never
led my Cheerios!

To a record five consecutive
national championships

without you.
(chuckles)

Actually, I could have done it
very easily without you.

Oh, uh, and that reminds me.
I have a question for you.

Hmm?

What exactly is going on
with Will Schuester

taking over the show choir?

The Glee Club?

Why, Sue, that's nothing
but a trifling.

Well, I just want to be clear
that the star performers

at this high school
are my Cheerios!,

and I should hope
it remains that way.

Oh, Sue, don't worry.

You are my star.
You are on Fox Sports Net.

- Yes. - And besides, show
choir won't last.

Will only has five students,
one of them a cripple.

And children these days
aren't interested

in singing to each other.

They're too busy with
their Friendster and Myspace

and Blockbuster Video.

These are things
that are here to stay.

Well, I don't know.

I have a bad feeling
about this Glee Club.

(school bell ringing)

(cheering)

Come on, go!

Okay, come on.

Traveling.

Hey!

Hey, you know, because
we're best friends,

I want to ask you something frankly.
Sure.

Wait, I-I'm your
best friend?

I-I know nothing about you.
We hardly even talk.

We just play basketball
once a week.

Yeah, like I said, best friends.

(sighs)

What are your...
Thank you.

What are your intentions
with this Glee Club?

Intentions?
I don't know.

I guess we'll have to find out.

I don't know, I just...

I look around this school,
I see all these kids

who don't have the arts
in their lives,

and I want them
to have what I had...

A place where they can go
to experience the joy of music.

Yeah, well, they already
have that, William.

It's called the iPod.
I don't know, being a part

of Glee Club was the best thing
that ever happened to me.

Now you're a high school
Spanish teacher.

(laughs)

Will, the students
at this school

aren't going to
become performers.

They're not gonna become
professional singers

or dancers or actors.

They'll be fry cooks
and auto mechanics.

And it's really unfair of you
to suggest anything otherwise.

Fostering unrealistic dreams
in these kids will accomplish

absolutely nothing
but to make their lives

that much more dark
and depressing.

I'm sorry, Sue.
I just disagree.

I mean, the arts are important.

Certainly more important
than cheerleading.

(quietly):
How dare you.

And I think,
with a little hard work,

this Glee Club could
really accomplish something.

I got Finn Hudson to sign up,

and he's the captain
of the football team, so...

who knows
what our future could hold?

I'm gonna give you an
ultimatum, William.

You either drop this Glee Club,

or you and I will cease
to be friends.

(chuckles):
What?

Are you serious?

You do not want to make

an enemy out of Sue Sylvester.

You don't want to do that.

Sorry, Sue.

No deal.

♪ ♪

The sun is not the biggest nor
the brightest star in the sky.

It's just the closest.

There are bigger, brighter,
better stars.

That's what I am.

I will be
the biggest star of them all.

Myspace is pretty much
the greatest invention ever.

It democratizes performance and
lets anyone express themself

to a wide audience from
the comfort of their own home.

That's why I invested
all of my Bat Mitzvah money

in the company.
Unfortunately, the Internet

has also created the
democratization of criticism.

Now people can anonymously
say things to me

that they would
never have the guts

to say to my face.

I am proud to say
that I have grown numb

to the cruelty, but
none of it is going to happen

if there's no Glee Club.
Rumor has it that Mr. Shue's

horrible wife told him last
night that she's with child.

Time's are tough, and
he's probably gonna leave us

for a high-paying job.

That's the inciting incident.

Glee Club is
the cosmic explosion that will

propel the hot balloon
of light and gas

that is my stardom
towards Earth...

Specifically Midtown...
And without Will Schuester,

there's no Glee Club.

There's no convincing him
to change.

If I want him to give up on
this stupid accounting thing,

I have to go talk directly to his boss.
(school bell ringing)

I am very aware that it is the
job off the assistant manager

to stock the novelty sheets,
Howard, but I am pregnant,

and my doctor says I
need to take it easy.

- Are you on bed rest?
- Oh, not officially,

but I'm sure I will
be soon enough.

And even sooner,
if you keep stressing me out

by complaining that you can't
do my job right now.

No, no, no, I-I'm sorry.

I'll-I'll just give up sleeping
for a while to get it all done.

(sighs)

Mrs. Schuester,
I'm Rachel Berry.

I'm one of
your husband's students,

Glee Club specifically.

- I'm working.
- First of all,

I just wanted to congratulate
you on your new addition.

I can tell that you already
have the pregnancy glow.

Oh. Thank you.

Second of all, I just wanted to
ask you to reconsider guilting

your husband into quitting his
job and becoming an accountant.

Here's what I've learned in the
years since I left high school.

There's who you are, and
there's who you think you are.

And your level of
personal misery is determined

by how big the gap is
between them.

It's my job as a wife to help
my husband see who he really is,

rather than going after
who he thinks he ought to be.

That's how I keep him happy.

But isn't the point of life to
imagine yourself doing something

greater, then working hard
to achieve all of your dreams?

Yes, if it's realistic.

See, I want a bigger house,
and I want to decorate it

with the entire catalog
from Pottery Barn,

and I can have those things.

But not if I'm gonna let Will
ruin it by chasing after a dream

that doesn't change our lives
in any measurable way.

Oh, but he would be helping...
Mainly me...

To achieve my full potential.

That's not gonna help
Mama buy personalized.

Mr. and Mrs. throw pillows
from the monogram shop.

Do not put the plush blankets
with the novelty sheets!

You're stressing out my baby.

Mrs. Schuester,

I am begging you to reconsider.

Mr. Schuester listens to you.

Yes, because he's my husband.

And it is my job to bring
structure to our family,

and his job to do as I say.

I always wanted to be in
an all-male a Capella group.

I guess my dream is dead, too.

First the almighty Finn
Hudson joins Glee Club,

and everyone rejoices
like he's baby Jesus.

Then he quits, then he rejoins,

then he immediately
starts bossing us around

like we're his slaves, and we're
supposed to be happy about that?

We need him though, Kurt.

Why? Because
he's popular?

No, he's not only popular.

He's at the top of the damn
McKinley High food chain.

But I don't know...
Maybe he needs us, too.

Oh, yeah, sure. The guy
with the perfect life

needs to hang out with
the damaged goods.

Who you calling "damaged goods"?

No one!

I'm just saying that
I don't trust him.

I mean, he already gets
everything that he wants.

What is he doing barging into
our club and taking it over?

Mark my words, he's gonna get

some jocks and some
Cheerios! To join him,

and then we are
gonna get pushed out.

Oh, no.

Nobody pushes out
Mercedes Jones.

Or Kurt Hummel.
I will not allow it.

No, sir.

You know, now that
I think about it,

he was pretty bossy today.

I cannot believe he convinced
me to make our costumes.

Oh, by the way,
if you need help with that,

I'm more than happy to pitch in.

You can't go wrong
with red and denim.

How did you become so
smart and adorable?

(both laugh)

Oh.

Baby, can you hand
me some sugar?

Oh.

Sure.

Thanks!

You're the only openly
gay person I know.

That is so brave of you.

Well, coming out was

the hardest thing
I've ever had to do.

But I'm telling you
it feels so nice

to not be living a lie anymore.

So what about you, Joby?

Are you thinking about
coming out anytime soon?

What? I-I'm not gay.

I'm straight as an arrow.

I'm attracted to women.

Obviously, of course.

Um, I-I had no idea, I...

I mean, it's obvious
that Rachel's only

letting him stay in the club
because she has

a fat crush on him.

KURT:
So do you. No, I don't.

Oh, get real, you do, too.

Yeah, maybe you're right.

Maybe having Finn Hudson around
is a mistake.

I'm gonna call
an emergency meeting.

And another thing... he wants us
to do "Don't Stop Believin'."

Our audience is
gonna think we're doing

a salute to The Sopranos finale.

- You guys started without me?
- Uh, hell yeah, Berry.

- You're, like, ten minutes late.
- You're lucky that I came

at all and I don't think
that we should be having

emergency meetings without all
of our members, including Finn.

That's what this is about.

Okay, we're having
second thoughts about him.

For the record,
not all of us are.

Okay, we can't kick him out.

I just personally
persuaded him to come back.

Them personally
persuade him to quit.

It shouldn't be that difficult.
He's already quit once before.

Look, it's obvious that Artie

and I don't fit your idea
of a proper leading man.

And honestly I don't care, but
he shouldn't be an evil jock.

I don't think
that Finn Hudson is evil.

Now, his girlfriend,
Quinn Fabray?

She's a grade-A bitch.

Hey, all I know

is that when the jocks locked
me in that nasty Porta-Potty,

Finn Hudson rescued me.

Then, after rehearsal,
he wheeled me home.

He wheeled me all the way home,

and he told my mom what happened

and he apologized to her.

So, he's not evil.

Not by a long shot.
He's never called me fat.

I mean, that's better than most
of the jerks at this school.

I guess when I got tossed
into the Dumpster,

he let me take off
my Marc Jacobs jacket.

That was kind of nice.

He is awfully c-cute.

Maybe he's not
that different than us.

Maybe he just

wants to be accepted
for who he is

and not for
what people label him as.

And if we start
excluding people,

then we're no different
than the people who exclude us.

So far, my time
at McKinley has sucked.

But... not this week.

I made some friends.

And that's always been
really hard for me.

I don't know what's gonna happen
with this club,

but...

maybe it'll be
something special.

Maybe it'll be

somewhere safe where we can...

learn from each other
and be who we are,

including people
who are different than us.

When we look back
on our time here,

we should be proud.

For what we did
and-and who we included.

All in favor of keeping Finn
in the Glee Club?

Aye.

Aye.

Aye.

Aye.

Aye.

For the last time,
my hands are tied.

I can't offer Will Schuester
a raise to run a club

that no one cares about
and has only six members!

Fine, then we're gonna lose Will
Schuester, and it's gonna be

under your leadership
that McKinley High becomes

the most recent in a very long
line of public schools

that offer no performing arts
whatsoever!

And that's a fact
that wounds me deeply,

neurotic, adorable Guidance
Counselor Emma Pillsbury.

I can't offer Will
Schuester more money,

but I can offer him
something better.

A precious adolescent memory.

I scoured McKinley's archives

and found this footage

of the 1993 National Show Choir
Championship

featuring a young, nubile
William Schuester.

♪ Burn, baby, burn,
disco inferno ♪

♪ Burn that disco down ♪

♪ Burn it down ♪

♪ Burn, baby, burn ♪

♪ We're gonna burn it ♪

♪ Burn it. ♪

(song ends, crowd cheering)

Congratulations, buddy.

I just heard the great news.

Oh, thanks. Yeah.
Terri and I are really excited.

We've been talking
about kids for a while.

No, not that news. Knocking
somebody up isn't difficult

and hardly merits
a congratulations.

No, I'm talking about
your other news,

your leaving the profession
of teaching.

Oh, uh... You know, to
be honest with you,

teaching is for losers.

Nope, accounting is the
career for you. Oh, hey,

- I got you a going away present.
- An abacus.

Yeah, the Orientals say it's
easier than a calculator,

which is an obvious lie designed
to make us feel inferior.

Oh, and here's five years
worth of receipts

in no particular order.

You'll be happy to know
that your first ever client

is way behind on her taxes.

And there's an awful lot
of bikini waxes in there

you're gonna have to somehow

turn into
charitable contributions.

(a cappella "Don't Stop
Believin'" intro begins)

(sighs)

(a cappella continues)

♪ Just a small-town girl ♪

♪ Living in a lonely world ♪

♪ She took the midnight train ♪

♪ Going anywhere ♪

♪ Just a city boy ♪

♪ Born and raised
in South Detroit ♪

♪ He took the midnight train ♪

♪ Going anywhere ♪

(rapid electric guitar riff
playing)

♪ Da, dum ♪

♪ A singer in a smoky room ♪

♪ A smell of wine
and cheap perfume ♪

♪ For a smile,
they can share the night ♪

♪ It goes on ♪

♪ And on and on and on ♪

♪ Strangers waiting ♪

♪ Da, dum ♪

♪ Up and down the boulevard ♪

♪ Their shadows searching ♪

♪ In the night ♪

♪ Da, dum ♪

♪ Streetlight people ♪

♪ Da, dum ♪

♪ Living just to find emotion ♪

♪ Hiding somewhere ♪

♪ In the night... ♪

♪ ♪

♪ Working hard to get my fill ♪

♪ Everybody wants a thrill ♪

♪ Paying anything
to roll the dice ♪

♪ Just one more time ♪

♪ Some will win,
some will lose ♪

♪ Some were born
to sing the blues ♪

♪ Oh, the movie never ends ♪

♪ It goes on and on ♪

♪ And on and on ♪

(electric guitar solo playing)

♪ Don't stop believin' ♪

♪ Hold on to that feeling ♪

♪ Streetlight people ♪

♪ Oh... ♪

♪ Don't stop believin' ♪

♪ Hold on to that feeling ♪

♪ Streetlight people ♪

♪ Oh... don't stop. ♪