Glee (2009–2015): Season 6, Episode 11 - We Built This Glee Club - full transcript

New Directions and the Warblers face off Rachel must choose between NYADA and Broadway.

So here's what you missed
on Glee: Sue got fired

from McKinley, so now she's

at Carmel High
coaching Vocal Adrenaline.

Dalton Academy burnt down,
and all the Warblers

came to McKinley, which is good
because the New Directions!

Didn't have enough kids,
and if they don't win,

the glee club's over,
but it might be anyway

because Rachel got
accepted back at NYADA

and got offered
a role on Broadway.

And that's what you missed
on Glee.

All right, I don't care
what the body's doing.

Just make sure the facce
is doing something special.

A five, six, seven, eight.

Show it. Hide it.

Hit your friend,
hit your friend.

- Grab the jelly... - Good, you guys.
Remember, show faces.

Make a sandwich, throw it down.
Stay at home, stay at home.

Leave your home, seven, eight.

Twinkle, twinkle, little star.

Mother, may I point to you?

- All right, not bad, guys.
- Yay! That was so good, you guys!

Let's take five.

Uh, no, no, no.
Let's not take five.

- Excuse me? - My feet are like
an outtake from Black Swan,

but you don't hear me

Because my fellow Warblers and I
understand the stakes involved.

May I remind you that if
we don't win sectionals,

Glee Club no longer exists.

Do you think
Sue Sylvester is giving

Vocal Adrenaline
a five minute break? No.

This weekend, I saw them
walking on hot coals.

(all screaming)

If Oprah can do this,
so can you.

- We suck!
- Okay, you suck!

Take a nap, Nickelodeon.

(all arguing indistinctly)

- Relax.
- KURT: Come on, guys.

Everyone's improving
very nicely.

This is not the time to panic.

But it is time to be pragmatic.

With all due respect
to our well-meaning teachers,

there is zero chance
of beating Vocal Adrenaline

with rudimentary moves like
"Mother, may I point

to you?"

- I love that move.
- It's awesome.

- Thank you.
- Moreover, the Warblers and I

recently had a little sidebar,
and we believe it's time

for a frank discussion about
who should be featured up front.

And who should be...

- hidden in the back.
- JANE: No.

The only three girls
in this group

are not moving to the back.


- Uh-uh.
- Oh, no, no, no.

I wasn't talking
about the girls.

I was talking about...

Just say it, Skyler.

The dead weight.

Look, we all know that some of
us aren't as physically fit

as others, but give
Roderick some time.

He's got a killer voice
and he's a quick learner.

I guarantee he can get
the dance moves, dude.

And when will you
get them, dude?

You're just as bad as he is.

You're worse!

You dance like a blind man

with a back brace
who hasn't taken

a dump in three weeks!

Hey, I don't have to dance good.

I just need to look good,
and I do.

Get over yourself!

We all look good.

Even Julianne Moore over there.

Order, order, gentlemen.

Look, I have to agree
with super gay Warbler.

I love you guys, but we
just can't afford to lose.

So, unless you magically get
better, like, this second,

then I think you should

take one for the team
and maybe just...

stay hidden in the back row.

(school bell ringing)

- You okay?
- Yeah, I'm...

I'm fine.

No, you're a mess.

Let me help you with that.


How the hell are we supposed
to get this routine down

if I can't even
get through my day

without tripping over myself?

We're screwed.

I feel like a hippo
trying to do ballet

like some strange nightmare
out of Fantasia.

I know, man. I got
moves on the field,

but I can't seem to get these
dance moves down. It's...

right, left,
right, left... Yeah?

No, I thought it was
left and then right.

Well... I don't know.

I mean, how are we supposed
to get through this routine

if neither one of us
actually even knows it?

I mean, we need
someone to help us.

- Maybe Alistair can...
- No.

No, I'm sorry.
I just don't want

- to watch you two make
out all weekend. - Yeah.

But we got to have someone
to whip us into shape.

Well, how about Mr. Shue, then?

He's the best dancer.

We need his moves,
but he'll just

tell us he's proud of us even
when we're doing a subpar job.

Who we really need...

- is Kitty.
- Is Kitty.

I mean, she's by far
our harshest critic.

And a true taskmaster.

She'll make at least
one of us cry.


I'll see you later.
(school bell rings)

Want to do that.

And try this one second.

Hey, uh, Rachel, do you have
a second to go over this list?

I-I-I thought that Kurt

- had the set list for sectionals
nailed down. - Uh, yeah.

No, this is a list of performers

that, uh, finished
their college degrees

before they actually...

jumped to Broadway or Hollywood.

We talked about this, okay?
You were very clear

about how you felt,
and I'm very clear

about how I feel.

Patti LuPone, Carrie Underwood,

- Meryl Streep.
- Okay, look. You know what?

I knew you were gonna do this,
so I made a list of all

the performers who either
dropped out of college

or who didn't go at all, and
who had very successful careers.

Here you go... Lady
Gaga, Coco Chanel

and Miss Barbra
Streisand herself.

I know you, so I made
this list of people

that dropped out
and were huge for five minutes,

but then were
never heard of again.


- Kesha's still performing.
- Okay, well, my bad. I'm just...

Sam, please, look.

I hear you, okay?

And you're being a
really good friend.

I just... I don't want to
talk about this anymore

unless you support
my choice, okay?

All right.

You know...

we all support you.

Okay, we always do.

Just please, think
about the future, okay?

And not just, like,
the next month

or the next big
ticket out of here,

but actually look
back at yourself

from the future and ask

if dropping out of NYADA was
something you're proud of.


"Listen to Your Heart" begins)

♪ I know there's something ♪

♪ In the wake of your smile ♪

♪ I get a notion from
the look in your eyes ♪

♪ Yeah ♪

♪ You built a love ♪

♪ But that love falls apart ♪

♪ Your little piece of heaven ♪

♪ Turns to dark ♪

♪ Listen to your heart ♪

♪ When he's calling for you ♪

♪ Listen to your heart ♪

♪ There's nothing
else you can do ♪

♪ I don't know
where you're going ♪

♪ And I don't know why ♪

♪ But listen to your heart ♪

♪ Before ♪

♪ You tell him good-bye ♪

♪ Oh, oh ♪

♪ Oh ♪

♪ Listen to your heart ♪

♪ When he's calling for you ♪

♪ Listen to your heart ♪
♪ Listen to your heart ♪

♪ There's nothing else
you can do ♪

♪ I don't know
where you're going ♪

♪ And I don't know why ♪

♪ But listen to your heart ♪
♪ Listen to your heart ♪

♪ Before... oh ♪

♪ Listen to your heart ♪

♪ Listen to your heart ♪

♪ Take a listen to it, whoa ♪

♪ I don't know
where you're going ♪

♪ And I don't know why ♪

♪ But listen to your heart ♪

♪ Before ♪

♪ You tell him good-bye. ♪

Wow. Jessie St. James.

- Hmm.
- What are you doing here?

I'm from here, remember?

And I'm just in town
for a couple of days.

My mom is getting a tummy tuck
and a little eye work done.

So... I thought she could use
a little help around the house.

The real question is,
Rachel Berry...

what are you doing here?

What? I'm coaching
the glee club.

Yeah, we're-we're cramming
for sectionals right now, so...

Well, I heard you were
offered a new role

in the Russell Simmons musical
opposite one of Broadway's

hottest up-and-coming young
actors, but that the producers

are still waiting
to hear back from you.

Wait, how do you know that?

Because I'm the hot
up-and-coming young actor

that you're going
to play opposite of.

You're playing Tino?

The Iraqi War vet who was
discharged for covering

the American embassy
with the graffiti that he used

to make him a famous
Philly street artist,

and when he comes home
crippled with PTSD,

it's only his love of hip-hop
that can save his life?

(laughs) Yeah.

The producer spent a month

trying the cast the role
of Segovia Shade

until I finally reminded them

they found their Segovia Shade.

She auditioned for them.
Her name is Rachel Berry.

Jessie, I really appreciate you
doing that for me,

but I just... I-I haven't
made up my mind yet.

(quiet laugh)

It's really fun to come home
every now and again

and coach a glee club or...

in my case, help your mom
use her grabber tool

to pull a box of cereal
off the top of the fridge,

but you and I both know
that you belong on Broadway.

You need to get your ass
back to New York.

I am going back to New York.
Right after sectionals.

I just don't know yet if
it's gonna be for college

or for Broadway.


You can't be serious.

Look, my career was on track.

And then I dropped out of NYADA,

and-and my whole
life fell apart.

So now I have the chance
to rectify that mistake

by going back to college, so
what if that's the right choice?

Rachel, your mistake
was not leaving NYADA.

You got the lead role
in Funny Girl.

Nobody could've expected you
to turn that down.

Your mistake was leaving
the show too early

to do that stupid sitcom.

Look, I'm sure that NYADA
is a great place, and maybe

it's because I'm a little biased

because she personally
rejected me,

but unless you want
to be Carmen Tibideaux

and run a school that claims
to be the nation's top

performing arts institution when
they have a known track record

for rejecting really
talented young actors...

you don't need to go to college.

Well, thank you for your input.

I really appreciate
your opinion.

I just...

I have to make
this decision on my own.

Fair enough.

I know that you'll make
the right decision.

I just...

We make really great
music together, Rachel.

We always have.

Think about it.

(school bell rings)

Okay, you're in the back row,
but you're gonna be

the best back-row dancers ever.

Okay? Here we go.

A five, six, seven, eight.

Step together, step together.

Turn. Slide.

Oh, yeah, slide.

Kick-ball change.

Okay, guys, good,
good, good, good.

Um... we're making progress.

A for effort, all right?

Guys, I'm really sorry.
I'm just, like, not a dancer.

Dude, I'm the one
that's slowing us down.

Okay, anyways,
let's just try it again, okay?

- I'll do it with them. - Okay.
Maybe the music will help.

♪ ♪

Five, six, seven, eight.

Step, step, step, step.

Step together, step together.

Let's just do those turns.


(cracks) (groaning)

(sighing, groaning) Aw, gross.

Holy crow!

You did a number on this thing.

Geez, it looks like
somebody rubbed

beets all over your feet.
I love beets.

The X-rays were negative.
It's just a sprain.

But it's one of the
worst I've ever seen.

It's fine, and I'm
not missing sectionals.

The only way you could put
weight on that thing,

let alone dance,
is if you got a cortisone shot.

Well, it'll take away the pain,

but it won't fix the damage.

I've read this book before, son.

It's a book written
by these knees.

Looks like
a jacked up C-section.

If you perform
on an ankle like that,

there's no telling
how much worse it'll get.

Torn ligaments,
ruptured tendons.

You take an injury that should
take two weeks to heal,

and you turn it into a month,
a year, maybe never.

I-I've heard enough.
This is insane.

Absolutely not.

There's no way
I can let you perform.

No, it's worth it.

No, Spencer, listen to him.

Look, I'm not the best dancer,

I'm not the best singer,

not even close,
but I'm an athlete.

I'm the one that's supposed to
be tougher than everyone else.

On game day, I'm gonna get

that shot and we're gonna win.

And whatever happens after that,

I'll deal with it.

- Hey.
- (Gasps) Oh, my gosh.

What are you doing?
You scared me.

I'm throwing away
all of our old brushes,

and I'm organizing
the foundations.

I found a really good one
to match Spencer's skin tone.

Okay, let me take that and, um,

will you have a seat?

I wanted to talk to you
for a second.

Are you gonna give me

the same speech that Sam did?

Look, Rachel,

I don't want to fight with you.

You know that.

We had the same exact argument
last year.

Broadway or NYADA.

Life is too short.

I truly want you to do
whatever's gonna make you happy,

but I remember you last year,
and you weren't happy.

Last year was hard.
A lot happened.

Yeah, it was hard for all of us.

But a lot of great things
happened to you, too.

You just never got the chance
to enjoy any of them.

I just want you to appreciate
this time in your life.

What if I say no to the show,

and then I never get cast
on Broadway again?

It could be like career suicide.

That's not going
to happen to you.

Listen, you could do
Broadway or NYADA.

You're gonna be great
at whatever you choose.

When I first heard
that you and Blaine

were moving back to Lima
to teach your old glee clubs,

I thought you were crazy,

but I'm so lucky you made
the decision that you did.

You inspired more
than just this group of kids.

You inspired me, too.

What we're doing really matters.

We have a profound effect
on these kids

and their self-esteem and
what they go on to accomplish.

Look, we only have
a few more years left

to go to college and learn

all the fun stuff
like acting and fencing

and choreography.

But we also get to go to school

and be inspired in the process.

I mean, how lucky are we?

I just want you
to think about that

while you're making
this decision.

I'm going back to NYADA,

and-and Blaine is real excited

because he just got into NYU
for next semester.

So we get to start over again.

I mean, how many people
really get the opportunity

to go back to the crossroads
they faced a year ago

and choose the other path?

It could all be different.

(school bell ringing)

Hey, Mr. Shue.

All right.

Look, Mr. Schuester,

the glee club got
a special delivery.

Oh, that's so nice.

The return label says GLAAD.

Maybe they're gifts
for hosting the trans choir.

Wait, wait, wait!
Let's all open them on three.

Oh, yeah.





Quiet, quiet!


Take cover!


It's raining glitter!

Is everyone okay?

Who would do this?




Please tell me that was insured.

Oh, it's not.

But that was very, very pretty.


(Sam groans)

Geez, Sam, are you all right?

Yeah, I think I just
ate some bad meat loaf.


(retching) No.

(coughs, sniffles)

I-I'm gonna go get
the school nurse, okay?

Has anyone seen
the school nurse?

(Sue giggling)

Sue, what is going on?

Oh, hello, William.

I was just sniggering
behind this Tupidanthus.

You sent those glitter bombs,
and you...

you put eyedrops
in the coffee, didn't you?

Oh, no, no, no, it's actually

in the entire McKinley High
water system.

Everyone at this school is
experiencing what I like to call.

Monte-Sue-ma's revenge.

What is wrong with you?

Oh, just another flare-up

of my chronic hate disorder,
that's not going to stop

until you quit,
William Schuester.

Oh, my gosh!

Somebody's car's on fire.

(sirens approaching) No.

Oh, Eileen,

preparations are complete,
and my victory is close at hand.

If you'll be so kind,
I'd like to get

my signature Carol Brady blowout

before I lead Vocal Adrenaline
to sectionals.

Coming right up.

(muffled grunting)

(men shouting)

Look at the precision.

Not a goose step out of place.

Simply put,

Vocal Adrenaline
is such a machine.

BEISTE: What the hell's
going on in here?

What the hell happened
to your hair?

Hello, Sheldon.

How did you get in here?

You're not even allowed
on the property.

Let's be honest, Sheldon.

If history
has taught us anything,

it's that this school is
remarkably easy to break into.

You know, Sue, it was Will and I

who stood up for you
when nobody else would.

And you pay me back

by breaking into my locker room?

With the show choir
that trashed my car?

So you can show them
old footage of Nazis?

Do you know what those guys
would've done

with a guy like me?

They would've shipped me off.

Or made you the centerpiece
of an awesome zoo.


I want you to get out of here.


Get out of here, all of you!

Get out!

Well, then, Sheldon, I guess
I will see you at sectionals,

and I think you're going
to be very surprised

at what Sue "Lex Luthor"

has managed to accomplish.

Hey, Northwest Ohio,

are you ready for sectionals?

(applause, whooping)

Let's meet
our distinguished judges.

First, it's Ohio's
favorite vice comptroller,

Donna Landries.

My glaucoma!

Now give it up
for WOHN News 8 anchorman.

Rod Remington.


And last but not least,

raise the roof

for the Westminster Kennel
Club's 2014 Trainer of the Year.

Butch Melman and her champion
standard poodle.



Kicking off our show,

from the John James
Audubon Institute

for Rehabilitative Ornithology,

the Falconers.

(Mr. Mister's
"Broken Wings" begins)

♪ Baby, don't understand ♪

♪ Why we can't just hold on... ♪

It's not too late to quit,
you know.

Hello, Sue.

Oh, nice wig.

Very Carol Brady of you.

It's the best human-hair
wig money can buy.

Made by my very own
Malaysian hair slave.

You don't scare us.

Say your prayers.

End times are here.


♪ And when we take ♪

♪ These broken wings. ♪

(song ends, applause)

How about those birds?
And now from Carmel High,

it's the incomparable
Vocal Adrenaline.

♪ We built this city ♪

♪ We built this city
on rock and roll ♪

♪ Built this city ♪

♪ We built this city ♪

♪ On rock and roll ♪

♪ Say you don't know me ♪

♪ Or recognize my face ♪

♪ Say you don't care who goes ♪

♪ To that kind of place ♪

♪ Marconi plays the mamba ♪

♪ Listen to the radio ♪

♪ Don't you remember ♪

♪ We built this city ♪

♪ We built this city
or rock and roll ♪

♪ We built this city ♪
♪ Oh, oh, oh ♪

♪ We built this city
on rock and roll ♪

♪ Built this city ♪

♪ Oh, oh, oh ♪

♪ We built this city
on rock and roll ♪

♪ Built this city ♪
♪ Oh, oh, oh ♪

♪ We built this city
on rock and roll ♪

♪ Built this city ♪

♪ Oh, oh, oh ♪

♪ We built this city
on rock and roll ♪

♪ We built this city. ♪

(song ends, applause)

(Toni Basil's
"Hey Mickey" begins)

♪ Oh, Mickey, you're so fine ♪

♪ You're so fine
you blow my mind ♪

♪ Hey, Mickey ♪

♪ Hey, Mickey ♪

♪ Oh, Mickey, you're so fine ♪

♪ You're so fine
you blow my mind, hey, Mickey ♪

♪ Oh, Mickey, what a pity
you don't understand ♪

♪ You take me by the heart
when you take me by the hand ♪

♪ Oh, Mickey, you're so pretty,
can't you understand? ♪

♪ It's guys like you, Mickey ♪
♪ Guys like you ♪

♪ Oh, what you do, Mickey,
do, Mickey ♪

♪ Don't break my heart,
Mickey, hey, Mickey ♪

♪ Now when you take me
by the, who's ever gonna know? ♪

♪ Every time you move,
I let a little more show ♪

♪ There's something
you can use ♪

♪ So don't say no, Mickey ♪

♪ Oh, Mickey, what a pity
you don't understand ♪

♪ You take me by the heart
when you take me by the hand ♪

♪ Oh, Mickey, you're so pretty,
can't you understand? ♪

♪ It's guys like you, Mickey ♪

♪ Oh, what you do, Mickey,
do, Mickey ♪

♪ Don't break my heart, Mickey ♪

♪ Oh, Mickey, you're so fine ♪

♪ You're so fine,
you blow my mind ♪

♪ Hey, Mickey! ♪
(cannons boom)

(crowd cheering)

(school bell ringing)

Hey. How's it feeling?

Be better once I get shot up
with enough cortisone

to numb a horse.

All right,

I am going to murder this.

There will be weeping.

All right, everybody,
let's circle up!

Welcome to the most sacred

of New Directions! Traditions.

The show circle.

And now the pep talk.

Yes, yes. That is next.

But tonight, it's not my place.

We are all here
because of Rachel.

Well, okay.

Um, a couple of months ago,
I crawled into this choir room

with a mission.

Selfish one.

I needed you guys to help me
get my groove back.

And, well, it came true.

Now the world is
opening up to me, and...

the best part is, is that
in this moment, I don't care.

All that matters to me
is you guys

and the strength of this circle
that we've created.

So go out there and enjoy it.

Enjoy the-the lights
and-and the applause

and-and the cheers,
because you guys have earned it.

And I know we all know
that this could be the last time

that the New Directions!
Performs together, so...

as a member of the old guard,
I just want to say that

we all couldn't be more proud

that you guys are the ones
bringing us home.

All right, guys,

everyone's hands in.


(school bell ringing)

Are you sure about this,

I've never been more sure
of anything in my life.

Wait, wait, wait, wait, stop.

Rod, what are you doing?
We don't have much time.

Just hear me out.
I have an idea.


ANNOUNCER: And now, from your
very own William McKinley High,

the New Directions!

(crowd cheering)

(choir humming
Hozier's "Take Me to Church")

♪ My lover's got humor ♪

♪ She's the giggle
at a funeral ♪

♪ Knows everybody's
disapproval ♪

♪ I should've
worshiped her sooner ♪

♪ My church offers
no absolutes ♪

♪ She tells me
worship in the bedroom ♪

♪ The only heaven
I'll be sent to ♪

♪ Is when I'm alone with you ♪

♪ I was born sick,
but I love it ♪

♪ Command me to be well ♪

♪ Take me to church ♪

♪ I'll worship like a dog
at the shrine of your lies ♪

♪ I'll tell you my sins
so you can sharpen your knife ♪

♪ Offer me my deathless death ♪

♪ Good God,
let me give you my life ♪

♪ In the madness and soil ♪

♪ Of that sad earthly scene ♪

♪ Only then I am human ♪

♪ Only then I am clean ♪

♪ Oh ♪

♪ Oh, amen ♪

♪ Amen, amen ♪

♪ Take me to church ♪

♪ I'll worship like a dog
at the shrine of your lies ♪

♪ I'll tell you my sins
and you can sharpen your knife ♪

♪ Yeah ♪
♪ Offer me
that deathless death ♪

♪ Good God,
let me give you my life ♪

♪ Let me give you my life ♪
♪ Take me to church ♪

♪ I'll worship like a dog
at the shrine of your lies ♪

♪ I'll tell you my sins
and you can sharpen your knife ♪

♪ Offer me
that deathless death ♪

♪ Good God,
let me give you my life ♪

♪ Oh, oh, oh. ♪

(crowd cheering)

♪ Party girls don't get hurt ♪

♪ Can't feel anything,
when will I learn? ♪

♪ I push it down, push it down ♪

♪ I'm the one
for a good time call ♪

♪ Phone's blowing up,
ringing my doorbell ♪

♪ I feel the love,
feel the love ♪

♪ One, two, three,
one, two, three, drink ♪

♪ One, two, three, one,
two, three, drink ♪

♪ One, two, three, one, two,
three, drink ♪ (Rachel laughs)

♪ Throw them back
till I lose count ♪

♪ I'm gonna swing ♪

♪ From the chandelier ♪

♪ From the chandelier... ♪

♪ I'm gonna live ♪

♪ Like tomorrow doesn't exist ♪

♪ Like it doesn't exist ♪

♪ I'm gonna fly ♪

♪ Like a bird
through the night ♪

♪ Feel my tears as they dry ♪

♪ I'm gonna swing ♪

♪ From the chandelier ♪

♪ From the chandelier... ♪

♪ And I'm holding on
for dear life ♪

Oh, my God! ♪ Won't look
down, won't open my eyes ♪

♪ Keep my glass full
until morning light ♪

♪ 'Cause I'm just holding on
for tonight ♪

♪ Just holding on ♪
♪ On for
tonight, on for tonight ♪

♪ 'Cause I'm just holding on
for tonight ♪

♪ Oh, I'm just
holding on for tonight ♪

♪ On for tonight,
on for tonight. ♪

(crowd cheering)

(choir humming
Styx's "Come Sail Away")

♪ I'm sailing away ♪

♪ Set an open course ♪

♪ For the virgin sea ♪

♪ 'Cause I've got to be free ♪

♪ Free to face the life
that's ahead of me ♪

♪ On board, I'm the captain ♪

♪ So climb aboard ♪

♪ We'll search for tomorrow ♪

♪ On every shore ♪

♪ And I'll try ♪

♪ Oh, Lord, I'll try... ♪

♪ Oh, Lord, I'll try ♪

♪ To carry on ♪

(tempo increases, choir humming)

♪ A gathering of angels ♪

♪ Appeared above my head ♪

♪ They sang to me
this song of hope ♪

♪ And this is what they said ♪

♪ They said come sail away,
come sail away ♪

♪ Come sail away with me ♪

♪ Come sail away,
come sail away ♪

♪ Come sail away with me ♪

♪ Hey, hey, oh, oh ♪

♪ Come sail away,
come sail away ♪

♪ Come sail away with me ♪

♪ Sail away with me ♪

♪ Come sail away,
come sail away ♪

♪ Come sail away with me. ♪

(crowd cheering)

(cheering, excited chatter)

(school bell ringing)

Can I just say, I can't believe

I got roped into
doing this thing again...

What has got to be
the lowest form of entertainment

ever known to mankind.


So when I got the call
this morning, I'm like,

"Okay, Donna Landries,
just calm down.

These groups cannot be worse
than the last time."

And then they were.

I don't know which group
I hated more.

The Vocal Adrenalines
were like...

that was like
sitting through Fallujah.

You gonna point a cannon at me?

Hell no!

And what's up with
this bird school?

I-Is that a public school?

Is that where
my taxpayer dollars are going?

And don't start me
on New Directions! Oh!

Now, Donna, I'm gonna
stop you right there.

They might not be able
to dance or sing,

but when it comes
to New Directions!

Of the female persuasion, ooh.


I mean, how about
that smoking gal

going Au naturel
with the Pam Grier Afro?

Sister's got it going on.

She got me hankering for
a piping hot cup o' cocoa.

What the hell
did you just say to me?

Technically, I'm not even
supposed to be judging.


The invitation was
addressed to Trixie,

so really it's up to the dog.


Sorry. Trixie's
not racist.

Like all dogs, he sees
in black and white,

and darker skin makes
it harder for him

to make out facial features.

Wait, this dog is a dude?

He sure is.

And that maleness might
just give us an indication

as to how he's gonna vote.

Now, Trixie...
(clicker clicks)

Trixie, Trixie.

Which glee club displayed
more... "performativity"?

Good boy!

Are you out of your mind?

That was the worst music
I've ever heard.

There's not a single person on
Earth who woke up this morning

and said, "You know what song I
just really need to hear today?"

'Hey, Mickey.'"

And by the time
fatty was singing.

"Take Me to the Church,"
I'm like, "Okay.

Provided the service we attend
is my funeral."

Well, I thought I knew
which show choir had my vote.

But as I scour

the depths of my soul,

I now realize
I have deep reservations

about sending them to regionals.

Well, can we just vote, please?

I got piles.

(school bell ringing)

ANNOUNCER: Before we get
to announcing the winners,

a quick message
from our sponsor:

Wayne's Waffle House is where
to spend your Sundays.


I love waffles.

And now, in third place...

...from the John James
Audubon Institute

for Rehabilitative Ornithology,
the Falconers!

And now, without further ado...

the winner of this year's
sectionals is...

...the New Directions!


♪ ♪

♪ ♪

All right, guys. We're back
at it on Monday morning.


Hello, William.

Well, Sue,

looks like it finally happened.

You lost.

Yeah, in a manner
of speaking, yes.

And I have only one thing
to say to you,

and one thing only:
You're welcome.

I didn't say thank you.

I know, and that's
just plain rude,

because I handed your glee club
a victory on a silver platter,

guaranteeing that
the New Directions!

Will be a part of this school

long after you and I are gone.

Okay, what are you
talking about?

You've spent the last six years
trying to destroy us.

Now you want me to believe
that you suddenly had

a change of heart and you've
been secretly helping us?

Well, that's exactly
what happened,

and I am impressed
that a mind as simple as yours

could make that sophisticated
leap in logic.

What are you talking about?

Well, it is true that I have
spent a better part of a decade

trying to destroy you
and the glee club,

for which I harbor a deep
and abiding hatred,

but when that backstabbing
Geraldo Rivera,

with his craven
ad hominem hack job...

there were only two people
who stood up for me:

Coach Sheldon "The
Abomination" Beiste

and you.

So I took it upon myself

to repay you by sabotaging.

Vocal Adrenaline
from the inside,

handing you a win at sectionals.

Okay, that is insane.

You were absolutely trying
to win today.

You pulled out all the stops.

That was, by far,

the most over-the-top routine.

Vocal Adrenaline has ever done.

Precisely, and it was a routine

specifically tailored
to the deep background

I performed on all three judges.

Now, I knew that an
overly produced,

acrobatic spectacle would remind
Vice Comptroller Donna Landries

of that fateful day
back in October of 1964

in Sandusky, Ohio,

when she attended the circus

and witnessed the most notorious

mass clown stomping in the
history of elephant husbandry.

I included a song from Starship

to subconsciously

unsettle Rod Remington,

who was briefly in
an acrimonious group marriage

with all seven members
of Jefferson Airplane.

But what about the dog trainer?

That chick's rocking an IQ
in the low 80s.

She's an actual idiot.

She was always gonna
love you people.

Well, then why did you
put eyedrops

in the McKinley water system?

I mean, why did you
want the glee club

to spend an entire day

violently projectile-vomiting?
Well, I figured

they all needed to lose
a few pounds, and there's

nothing like a day-long
projectile-vomiting sesh

to jump-start
the old metabolism.

Then why the glitter bombs?

Well, that was to trigger
the stress hormone cortisol.

A good burst of cortisol
boosts alertness

and takes about three days
to fully exit the system,

giving your glee club a
perfectly timed sensation

of relaxed euphoria
the exact moment

they walked onstage.



But why did you blow up my car?

Well, that was just for fun.

Well, Susan...


Looks like this is it.


Wow. No thank-you?

No thank-you for the person

who just described
in painstaking detail

how she sacrificed
her own well-being

to save your glee club

and guarantee your job



Change of plans, Butt Chin.

I'm gonna take the weekend,

maybe fly down to my condo
in Boca, brown up a bit,

and when I come back,
I will have come up

with some brand-new ways
to destroy you.



Looks like it was another
cutthroat sectionals.

You know, I forgot the way
it smells in here.

All that life-or-death
teen adrenaline, all that drama.

Feels like a million years ago.

Miss it that much, huh?

(laughs) Oh, God, yes.

Give me a medley or a mash-up
or a Broadway tribute,

anything to get me
back up on that stage

with my friends, singing
and dancing for my life.

God, I loved it so much.

But you know what?

We got bigger fish
to fry now, Berry.

You, me, the footlights
of Broadway.

I don't know

if you've found an apartment yet

to live in,
in New York, but, uh,

you can always stay at mine
until you find one.

No strings attached, of course.

He said flirtatiously.

I turned down the part,

and I decided

to go back to NYADA.

I think I was afraid that going

back to college would be
a step backwards, but...

I think it's a step
in the right direction.

- Hmm.
- So...

don't be mad.

- You're mad.
- No.

I'm not mad.

Sad that I won't be spending

every night onstage
with Rachel Berry, absolutely,

but I'm proud of you.

You went with your gut.

You didn't take the easy
road back to Broadway.

And you know what I think?

NYADA better watch out,
'cause the Berry is back.

(chuckles softly)


Thank you so much
for understanding.

And I will be there on
your opening night,

so you better not screw up,
because I'll have an egg

- in my purse with your name on it.
- Oh, wow.

You're really not gonna let me
live that down, are you?

- No.
- Well, maybe I can make it up

to you, because,
you know, you're gonna

be in New York,
and I'm gonna be in New York,

so we're bound to run
into each other.

I mean, we're bound to, yeah.

I mean, I think it's inevitable.

I'd like that.

All right, I'm gonna go.

I'll see you soon.

(school bell ringing)

(whooping and cheering)

All right, the next
first-place trophy

in that case
is gonna be regionals.


You know, someday... five,

ten, 20 years from now...

You're gonna walk
into this school

and you're gonna see the
trophies in that case or...

or maybe you'll be
watching your own

sons and daughters
win their awards,

and I hope you'll remember
this time in your life,

this incredible
moment when a group

of very different people
put aside their differences,

supported each other
and formed a team,

and hopefully made
some lifelong friendships.

Now, some of our advisors

are gonna be leaving us,

but no matter where we go,
no matter where we are,

we will always be
here in spirit,

and we will always
be supporting you.

Now, a chapter
in Glee Club history

may be ending,
but it is just the beginning

for all of you.

We could not be
more proud of you.

(whooping) Congratulations.

Hey, let's hear it for
Rachel, Mr. Shue, Kurt

and Blaine, everybody.


(students murmuring)

You know,
our two little trophies

look really pathetic
in there all by themselves.

I vote we get the old ones

and put them back
in there with them.

(others murmuring in agreement)



Congratulations, guys.


(cheering and applause)