Glee (2009–2015): Season 2, Episode 18 - Born This Way - full transcript

Finn accidentally breaks Rachel's nose during dance rehearsals. The campaign to become prom queen heats up between the girls.

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So here's what you missed
on Glee:

The glee club's
getting ready for Nationals,

and Quinn's getting ready
to be prom queen.

We need to get elected
for prom king and queen.

It's the ultimate
status symbol.

Kurt had to leave McKinley

because Karofsky
threatened him...

I can't expel a kid
for shoving.

He'll just say, "I didn't mean

to shove that kid.
I tripped."

Excuse works like a charm.
I use it all the time.

But at least he's got
Blaine and the Warblers,

who just lost at Regionals
to the New Directions!

We got each other
out of all this.

That beats a lousy trophy,
don't you think?

Santana's got it bad
for Brittany...

This relationship
is really confusing for me.

Breakfast is confusing for you.

Well, sometimes it's sweet
and sometimes it's salty.

Like, what if I have eggs
for dinner, then what is it?

Will's sort of always
had it bad for Emma,

but lately she's gotten
super crazy

with the cleaning fruit
and stuff.

I'm not following.
Like, seriously crazy.

One day, you're going to find
a way to beat this thing.

And that's what you missed
on Glee.

All right, guys.

Nationals are just
a few weeks away,

and it's time to bear down.

Now, your singing at Regionals
was amazing, but your dancing...

It's booty camp time.

So let's get it going.

Five, six, seven, eight.

Push yourselves, guys.

Vocal Adrenaline
takes no prisoners.

Oh! I'm so sorry.

Are you okay?

I'm bleeding.

Let's get you to a doctor.

My dad's will be here
in 15 minutes.

You don't have to stay, Finn.

No, I want to wait
and hear what the doctor says.

I feel terrible.

Won't Quinn be mad at you
sitting vigil at my bedside?

Well, I'm standing,

and-and she'd understand
how awful I feel

even if it's not broken.

It's broken.

Well, I knew
I was a bad dancer,

but I never thought
my dancing was dangerous.

It's a clean break, so
I-I won't have to set it.

Considering your
deviated septum,

I'd consider this a
terrific opportunity

for a little vanity adjustment.

Are you suggesting
that I get a nose job?

You're 16, right?

That's when I gave
my daughters theirs.

It's like a right of
passage for Jewish girls.

First of all, I like how I look.

She your girlfriend?


What does your
girlfriend look like?

Okay, and second of all,
I don't want to do anything

that's going to affect my voice.

My Broadway career
depends on it.

Yeah, we got a big show choir

competition coming up,
and Rachel's

kind of our best singer.

Doesn't impact the voice.

That's just a myth.

The fact is, opening
up that septum

might allow you to take
in more air per breath,

which means bigger
belts on you high notes.

But Barbra...

Is great.
She's also one in a million.

The fact is, if you really
want to be an actress,

you might want to consider
looking and sounding

the best that you can.

I got an appointment
open next week.

Can I sign you up?

Oh my God,
you're getting a nose job.

I'm considering having
a minor procedure

to repair my deviated septum.

So, a nose job.

Look, I'm... I'm happy
with the way that I look, okay?

And I've embraced my nose.

But let's say I wanted to have
a slightly more demure nose.

Like Quinn's, for example.

I-I would never change
my appearance for vanity,

but, I mean, the doctor said

that it could possibly
improve my talent,

which would help us
all for Nationals.

What about the risks?

Your voice is amazing
as is, Rachel.

Hold up.

Could we all just
get real here for a second?

I hear that Rachel's got
a bit of a schnoz.

I mean, I wouldn't know
because, like Medusa, I try

to avoid eye contact with her.

But can we all just stop

lying about how
there aren't things

that we wouldn't change
about ourselves?

I mean, I'm sure that Sam's been
at the doctor's office

and rifled through pamphlets
on mouth reduction.

I'll bet Artie's thought
about getting his legs removed

since he's not really
using them anyways.

And I'm definitely sure
that Tina's looked

into getting an eye de-slanting.

That's extraordinarily racist.

I'm keepin' it real.

Sorry, Santana.
I'm a beautiful person.

I'm in love with myself, and I
would never change a thing.

Is that why you're wearing
blue contacts today, Tina?

Self-hating Asian.

Not many Asian sex symbols,

I'm just trying to be in fashion

and mirror what I see
in the magazines.

My dancing kind of bothers me.

Uh, it almost killed Rachel,
but I like the way I look.

Oh, please.

You have weird, puffy
pyramid nipples.

They look like they're
filled with custard,

or you could dust them

with powdered sugar
and they could pass

for some sort of dessert.

Look, maybe Rachel's fine
with having an enormous beak.

Maybe she needs it to crack
hard seeds. All I'm saying

is that if you look
in the mirror

and you don't like what you see,
you should change it.

Whoa, guys.

I'm really shocked
at what I'm hearing here.

It goes against everything
the glee club stands for.

I'm telling you, the thing
you would most like to change

about yourself is the most
interesting part of you.

Well, maybe,
but at this school,

the thing
that makes you different

is the thing people use
to crush your spirit.

Rachel's a beautiful girl.

She doesn't need a nose job.

Saying that she's doing it
to enrich her talent is just

a convenient excuse
to deal with the fact

that she's insecure
about how she looks.

Most of the adults we know
have trouble embracing

their eccentricities, so
how can we expect kids to?

Well, then, it should be
our job to help them.

I don't want my legacy
as a teacher

to be conjugated verbs
and Glee Club trophies.

I want to help them
love themselves

for who they are,
warts and all--

Especially warts.

How long do we have
to do this for?

Until they're all clean.

I mean, I'm really enjoying
helping you with your OCD.

Do you know what? I really
don't like that term, really.

It sounds way too
scientific and serious.

I really prefer "neat
freak" or "cleanybug."

But, Will, I really
have to tell you,

I'm so appreciative
of all your help.

Really, I have so
much more free time

now that there are four hands
polishing all of my fruit.

I'm really glad...

but shouldn't we
be figuring out

some techniques you can use

to eat your food
without scrubbing it?

You mean with germs and
pesticides all over it?

No, I mean, really deal
with your issues on this stuff.

Will, I've tried, you know,

and I... I may not have
been born this way,

but this is my lot in life.

There's nothing I
can do about it.

Thank you.

What for?

I know how I'm going
to get the kids

to accept what
their differences are--

By using their two
favorite teachers:

Me and Gaga...

but I'm going
to need your help.

I should be prom queen
at this school.

If I were prom queen,

I could get Brittany to drop
the four-eyed loser

and go for the real queen.

She's so gullible,
I could convince her

that by royal decree,
I'd made her being with me

the law of the land.

That's never going to happen.

I don't have the votes.

Unless I could get
the jock block.

Jack Ryan, you've just boarded

the Red October.

Sean Connery.

And God knows Sam doesn't have

the heat at this school yet.

Hold on, there's someone
at this school

who just might have
the juice...

Dave Karofsky.

Holy crap.

I'm a closet lesbian
and a judgmental bitch,

I have awesome gaydar.

You haven't asked us anything
about our New York trip.

Is it because it's too painful?

Yes, as a matter of fact,

but while the New Directions!

Are preparing
to perform at Nationals,

the Warblers are preparing
to perform at a nursing home

in a strip mall
next to a National Bank.

But I'm so proud of you guys.

We miss you so much.

Isn't there any way you
could come back to McKinley?

I told him, I would be all for
it if it wasn't for Karofsky.

Wait, what did you just say?

Kurt needs to be safe.

Okay, can we please
change subject?

- I'm just saying...
- That's it.

Kurt's the trick to winning
prom queen and getting Britt,

not to mention totally boosting
our chances at Nationals.

If I could get Kurt back,
I'd be a hero.

Even Quinn and Finn
would vote for me.

And the key?


I've got to gay-- Go.

Go-- I've got to go.

Um, why is Ms. Pillsbury here?

She's helping us out
with this week's assignment.

Now, this is the only club

at school that is represented

by just about every race,

sexual orientation and clique,

but many of you are still having
a hard time with acceptance.

That's crazy, Mr. Shue.
We love each other.

No, I won't deny that
you accept each other,

but you don't
accept yourselves.

This week's assignment
has two parts.

I want all of you to sing
songs about accepting yourself

for who you are-- The
best and the worst parts.

What's the second part?

we're going to do
a group number

by the queen
of self-love--


We're going to perform

her anthem to acceptance--
"Born This Way."


Wait, wait, I still don't know
why Ms. Pillsbury is here.

I'm here to help you with your
costumes for the big number.

Each of you will be issued
a beautifully fitted

white T-shirt.

We will then use
this letter press...

to write a word or a phrase

that best describes
the thing about you

that you're the most ashamed of

or you'd like to
change but you can't

because you were born that way,
which is super terrific. I want you

to love those parts of you,
you know, embrace them,

wear them on your
chest with pride.

Can you give an example?


It's the big moment.

Wow, Emma, I thought
the whole purpose

of you doing this
was to write...

Being a ginger has plagued me
my entire life.

People say
that I smell like copper,

I can get a sunburn
indoors at night,

and according to recent legend,
I have no soul,

but I'm here to say
that this very curse

is what makes me unique.


I claim my gingerhood
before you today.

I was born this way.




Those crowns are a crock.

You know what I found out?

Not real jewels.

A crown hasn't rested on my head

since I won
Miss Tiara Toddler Allen County.

Are you serious?

Yeah, three years in a row.

I dominated
in Western Wear and Runway,

but my real talent
was baby pull-ups.


32! 33!

I was on my way
to becoming Miss Ohio.

That is, until the shoddy
Zizes thyroid kicked in

as well as a love of chips,

and suddenly I was denied entry

into the pageant circuit.

They said I no longer
looked the part.

My dreams were dashed.

There's our future queen...

a size-two
teenage dream.

You know what?

We're going to change that.



you're going to get that crown,
and I'm gonna be your king.

Thanks for doing this.

I'm surprised
more girls haven't asked me.

My nose is awesome.

I can totally count
on your vote,

Yeah. To... totally.

So, what's it like?

Looking like you look?

I pretty much have
a warped sense of the world.

Being a hot 17-year-old,

you can get away with
or do anything you want,

so I kind of always assume

that people are always nice
and accommodating.

Okay. So,

we, uh,
ready to pull the trigger?

No, not... not quite yet.
Um, I was kind of hoping

that I could get an idea
of what I might look like

after the procedure.

Um, this is my friend Quinn.

Nice nose.

Thank you.
Very nice.

Yeah, well, Rachel wants it.

No problem.

So I'll click some pics,
make up some photo composites.

We'll be ready
to rock and roll.

♪ I wish I could tie you up
in my shoes ♪

♪ Make you feel unpretty, too ♪

♪ I was told I was beautiful ♪

♪ But what does that
mean to you? ♪

♪ Look into the mirror ♪

♪ Who's inside there? ♪

♪ The one with the long hair ♪

♪ Same old me again today ♪

♪ My outsides are cool ♪

♪ My insides are blue ♪

♪ Every time I think
I'm through ♪

♪ It's because of you ♪

♪ I've tried different ways ♪

♪ But it's all the same ♪

♪ At the end of the day ♪

♪ I have myself to blame ♪

♪ I'm just trippin' ♪

♪ You can buy your hair
if it won't grow ♪

♪ You can fix your nose
if you say so ♪

♪ You can buy all the makeup
that MAC can make ♪

♪ But if ♪

♪ You can't look inside you ♪

♪ Find out who am I to ♪

♪ Be in a position
to make me feel so ♪

♪ Damn unpretty ♪

♪ I feel pretty ♪

♪ Oh, so pretty ♪

♪ I feel pretty and witty
and bright ♪

♪ And I pity ♪

♪ Any girl
who isn't me tonight ♪

♪ Oh, oh, oh ♪

♪ Oh, oh, oh, oh ♪

♪ Tonight ♪
♪ Oh, oh, oh ♪

♪ Oh, oh, oh, oh ♪

♪ I feel pretty ♪

♪ You can buy your hair
if it won't grow ♪

♪ Oh, so pretty ♪

♪ You can fix your nose
if you say so ♪

♪ I feel pretty and witty ♪
♪ You can buy all the makeup ♪

♪ And bright ♪
♪ That MAC can make, but if ♪

♪ You can't look inside you ♪

♪ Find out who am I to ♪

♪ Be in a position
to make me feel so ♪

♪ Damn unpretty ♪

♪ I feel pretty ♪

♪ But unpretty. ♪

Beautiful job, ladies.

She's got my vote.

She's such an inspiration.

It's nice to see someone like me
on a poster for a change.

What are you doing?

Oh, hey.
I'm running for prom queen.

As a joke, right?

Does it look like I'm joking?

Well, when your name appears
on that ballot,

the whole school's going
to think it's a laugh riot,

and you may just
get enough votes to win.

That's sort of the idea.

And as everybody snickers
as they try

to squeeze that tiara
onto your head,

somebody's going
to spill pig's blood on you,

or something like that,
and you'll become

more of an outcast
than you already are.

Okay. I don't know exactly
what your problem is,

but you best bring it, Fabray.

Because I'm hot as hell,

I keep it real, and the
people at this school

want a prom queen
who's like them.

No, they want a prom queen

who's somebody
they'd like to be.


Not everybody can be
born pretty like you.

But just so you know,
who you are inside

and who you pretend to be
to the rest of the world--

They're two different people.

You don't know anything
about me, Lauren.

But you know what?

You're about to.

Because it just got personal.

I knew you'd
ask me out eventually.

I'm kind of Duke Stud
at McKinley.

Give it up. I know.

Know what?

That you're gay.

What? Who told you that?

No one had to tell me.

First of all, I saw you checking
out Sam's ass the other day.

You know, you really need

to be more careful
with your leering.

I didn't. I was just seeing
what jeans he was wearing.

Like that's any less gay.

Second of all, I know
about you and Kurt.

Remember last week
before the benefit?

About you being worried about
"the truth" getting out.

Guess what. It's out.

Whatever they told you
is a lie to mess with me.

I'm going to kick their asses.

Okay, you know what? Why
don't you just settle down

and let Auntie Tana here
tell you a little story.

It's about you.

You're what we call
a "late in life gay."

You're going to
stay in the closet,

get married, get drunk to have
relations with your wife,

have a couple kids,
maybe become

a state senator or a deacon,

and then get caught in the
men's room tapping your foot

with some page,
and you know what?

I accept that about you.

Why are you doing this?

Because I need you,

and you need me.

We play on the same team.


Look, I'm not ready

to start eating jicama

or get a flat top yet, either.

Maybe in junior college.

This is garbage.

I'm not gay.

I'm trying to
help you out here.

Have you ever heard
of the term "beards?"

It's when a gay man and woman

date each other to hide
the fact that they're gay.

Like the Roosevelts.

So you and I are going to
be each other's beards,

and then we're going to win

prom king and queen
and rule the school.

And what if I say no?

Then I'm going to tell
everyone about you,

and your life will be over.

The only straight I am
is straight-up bitch.

You in or not?

What you're doing is terrible.

I have a nice nose.

Rachel asked me for help,
and I'm giving it to her.

And once again, we are
fighting about Rachel.

I'm your girlfriend.

Look, this isn't about
who's my girlfriend.

Mr. Shue is
trying to get us

to accept ourselves
for who we are,

and you're helping Rachel
do the exact opposite.

That's not cool.
Yeah, well, maybe

I'm not down
with this week's lesson.

I love this lesson.

♪ Whether I'm right ♪

♪ Or whether I'm wrong ♪

♪ Whether I find a place
in this world or never belong ♪

♪ I gotta be me ♪

♪ I gotta be me ♪

♪ The dream that I see
makes me what I am ♪

♪ That far-away prize ♪

♪ A world of success ♪

♪ Is waiting for me
if I heed the call ♪

♪ I won't settle down ♪

♪ Won't settle for less ♪

♪ As long as there's a chance
that I can have it all ♪

♪ I'll go it alone ♪

♪ That's how it must be ♪

♪ I can't be right for somebody
else if I'm not right for me ♪

♪ I gotta be free ♪

♪ I've gotta be free ♪

♪ Daring to try,
to do it or die ♪

♪ I've gotta be me ♪

♪ That far-away prize ♪

♪ A world of success ♪

♪ Is waiting for me
if I heed the call ♪

♪ I won't settle down ♪

♪ Won't settle for less ♪

♪ As long as there's a chance ♪

♪ That I can have it all ♪

♪ I'll go it alone ♪

♪ That's how it must be ♪

♪ I can't be right for somebody
else if I'm not right for me ♪

♪ I gotta be free ♪

♪ I just gotta be free ♪

♪ Daring to try,
to do it or die ♪

♪ I gotta ♪

♪ Be me. ♪

All right, Finn!

Perfect! See, guys,
someone who's not afraid

to point out something
they're really bad at.

But I'm getting better, right?

Mr. Schuester?

May I have the floor, please?

It's yours.

So, as all of you know,
I've had a few consultations

with a doctor who specializes
in rhinoplasty.

Yes, we know.

That's all any of us
have been talking about.

And we think it's
a terrible idea.

Okay. Blue eyes,
you're such a hypocrite.

I admit, yes, I don't like
my eyes sometimes--

The shape, the color--

But your self-hatred, Rachel,
has helped me see the light.

I love myself.

Not enough, clearly.

When you get a nose job,
when you change your eyes,

when you bleach your freckles,

you're just announcing
to the world,

"I don't like myself very much."

The drams of this week

have made me realize,

if I don't have many Asian
sex symbols to look up to,

I have an obligation
to maybe become one myself.

My new mantra is

"Be the change you want
to see in the world."

I love you so much right now.

Uh... okay, uh...
Okay, okay, okay.

Besides Tina's abrupt
personal transformation,

the compositions came back
from the doctor,

showing what my nose would
look like slightly altered,

and I have to say, I'm really
happy with the results.

They're less Hebraic,
and more Fabrayic.

That doesn't really
look like you.

Every year, girls
show up to my temple

after their 16th birthday,

looking suddenly
slightly different.

And you know what?

Even though it's easier
to make out with them

without getting constantly
stabbed in the eye,

they're not as hot.

Well, this isn't
about being hot.

It's about conquering
your destiny,

and finding something in
yourself that you want to change

and change it.

Plus, they said that it
could improve my voice, so...

Look, if you guys aren't willing
to support my decision,

then I'm pretty accustomed
to making it on my own.

Rachel, please don't do this.

You're beautiful.

This isn't a discussion.

I have made up my mind.

Rachel Berry
is getting a nose job.


How's the assignment going?

Well, I actually wanted
to talk to you about that.


The word you put
on your T-shirt.



I was a little disappointed.

You and I both know
you should have put OCD on it.

Well, I don't think
it's appropriate

to talk about
such personal things with them.

Really, those kids
have to trust me.

I'm supposed to
be a role model.

And you're not being one.

We're trying to teach these kids
to... to accept themselves,

and you refuse to.

Will, you know
I wasn't born this way.

It all started when I was five.

And you never had
any anxiety before that?

I understand I was
a very colicky baby.

I mean, I remember getting
kicked out of preschool

because I was having
panic attacks when they made us

use manila paper, but...

You have a severe
anxiety disorder, Emma.

All of us just humor it
because you function so well,

and you're so cute about it,

but it's really keeping you
from enjoying your life.

Okay, fine.
Do you know what?

If you want me to wear a shirt

that says "Batty"
or "Loon" on it, I will.

Totally fine.

So what if I like my fruit
free of contaminants?

Isn't that healthy?

You know what I want?

I want you
to have lunch with me.

Is that unwashed fruit?

Yep. Here.

Have a blueberry.


Come on.

No. Stop. This isn't funny.

I'm just trying
to help you get better.

I think accepting the fact
that you have a problem

is the first step.

Okay, what?
And you think torturing me

with unwashed fruit's
going to make me take that step?

You know what I think, Emma?

I think you are an expert
at deflection.

Is that a new shirt?

And I think you work so hard

at helping other people--
Counseling them--

So that you can avoid doing the
hard, painful work on yourself.

Okay, listen, I'm all...
That's all I'm asking for.

Let me finish.
Excuse me.


Quiet, okay?
We don't care what he has to say.

Shh. Now, I know David has
had some issues in the past,

but I have great respect
for what he's doing right now,

and I ask you to hear him out.

Thank you.
How about we punch his face?

Okay, that's enough, guys.

Excuse me.
Everyone listen up.

First, I just want
to say how sorry I am

for what I did to Kurt

and for what I've done
to a lot of you.

I think I've slushied
every one of you.

I treated Kurt the worst,

and I'm really ashamed

of who I am

and what I did.

Why should we believe you?

You don't have to.

I know I'll need
to earn your trust.

All I can say is that Santana
has really helped me

to see the light.

She showed me all these stories
online about kids

jumping off of bridges
and hanging themselves

because they were
being bullied so bad.

I couldn't believe

someone could make
another person feel that awful,

but she helped me accept

that I was one
of those bad people,

and I don't want to be anymore.

Wait. Santana?

This Glee Club is not complete.

Not without Kurt.

So I've taken it upon myself
to try to rehabilitate Dave

to see if maybe Kurt would

consider coming back
and help us win nationals.

I did this for us,

and then
something funny happened.

Something... called love.

I'm going to barf.

I want Kurt to feel safe

to come back, which is why

Santana and I have
started a new club--

The Bully Whips.

The name was my idea.

We're going to be like
guardian angels.

I have deputized
David and Santana

and the rest of their club
to roam the halls,

identifying bullying
and stopping it in its tracks.

I'm saying
I want the pants, okay?

The ones you have on right now.

Then, what will I wear
for the rest of the day?

That's a YP-- Your problem,
not an MP-- My problem.

Hey, Z, back off.
Say what?

What is this? Berets?

Everyone deserves a safe

school environment.
Don't pick on this kid.

It's not cool,
and we won't allow it anymore.

I'm planning on reaching
out to Kurt personally,

through Principal Figgins,

to try to make amends.

This is a chance
to really change this place.

I hope you can support us.

You know, you talk a great game,
but all I'm hearing is talk,

and talk isn't going
to keep Kurt safe.

But the anti-bullying club
that David started will.

The fact is,

since the club began enforcing
the no-bullying rule,

we haven't had one incident.

Yeah, and if I took
all the water out of the ocean,

it wouldn't be wet anymore.

The bullying stopped because
your top offender stopped.

Mr. Hummel.
Can I call you Burt?

Of course.

You remember how understanding

I was about this
when it all began.

I didn't come
to David's defense.

I believed your son.

That's because the David
I was seeing was not

the young man I knew.

The boy I raised
was a Cub Scout.

He was kind,
he was a good citizen.

I still don't know
what was going through

his mind when all
this bullying stared,

but I can tell you
that the David I'm seeing now

is my son, back again.

This... this is real.

Do you have any idea
how much stress

this has caused my family?

My son having
to leave his friends.

My wife and I spending money

we don't have on private school
'cause of your son.

Burt, were you always
so accepting of homosexuals?

We're the same age.

I remember what we used to say

about the gays
when we were younger.

Now, it's taken us

a long time
to figure out what's right.

Why can't you just allow David
the couple months

that it's taken him
to figure it out?

Because he said
he's going to kill my son!

I never actually
meant that, though.

It's just a figure of speech.

How's he supposed to know what?

Your words still matter, David.

I know.

You have to believe
how awful I feel about them.

Those ones, especially.

That's not me.
Not anymore.

What do you think, Kurt?

I believe he realizes
what he did was wrong.

You're only saying
that because you want

to be back in this
school so bad.

Can Dave and I speak
for a moment alone?

You can wait
right outside in the hall.

Let's go.


What's your angle here?

I'm just trying
to make things right.

David, I know, remember?

And I haven't told anyone.

Why? It would have made
your life

a lot easier.

I don't believe
in denying who you are,

but I don't believe
in outing, either.

But still, you owe me

the truth.

What's going on here?

It was Santana's idea.

She wants to be prom queen,

so she figures,
if we can get you back,

we'll get everyone
to vote for us.

I'm both repulsed and impressed
by her Lady Macbethian ways.

Hmm. A Latina Eve Harrington.

Okay, if you're
going to be gay,

you simply must know
who that is.

Look, I don't know
for sure I am gay, okay?

Stop being such
a broken record.

Okay, I have
several options here.

I could tell everyone
the truth about you...

Dude, I said I'm sorry.
You said you wouldn't do that!

Hold on.

Or I can return here
and marvel with pride

at your new
anti-bullying movement,

which I fully believe in,

and further demand
that you and I start a chapter

of PFLAG here
at William McKinley.

Parents, Family and Friends
of Lesbians and Gays.

You need to be educated, David.

You may not have to come out,
but you need to be educated.

Oh, man, just kill me now.

Just keep an eye
on your brother.

One step ahead of you.

You can't be in here, Noah.

It's cool. I checked through
the peep hole I drilled

last year
to make sure no one was going.

What can I help you with today?

I just want to talk to you,
one hot Jew to another.

Oh, God.
Look, it's my nose, okay?

I am tired of the lectures.

Hear me out. Why are you
getting Quinn's nose?

If you want to breathe better,

why don't you have him give you
Karl Malden's nose?

Your nose has been passed down

from generation
to generation as a birthright.

It's a sign of the survival
of our people.

This has nothing to do
with our religion.

I need one hour of your time
tomorrow. Just one hour.

Give me that,
and I'll never bug you again.

What the hell is going on?

Well, my fellow Glee Clubbers,

it's noon, which means...
it's official.

What's official?

My transfer!

Kurt Hummel's back at McKinley!


Let me breathe!
Let me breathe!

Let's get ready for Nationals.

Not yet.

See, there's a reason
we're meeting here today.

There's some people that wanted
to say good-bye to you, Kurt.


Dalton's going to miss you.

You were a great addition
to the Warblers,

and you made us a better team.

I'm sad to see you
go, but we all know

this is something
that you really want.

And I'll still have you after
school and on the weekends,

but these guys won't,
so they wanted to say good-bye.

And thank you, Kurt.

♪ I walked across an empty
land ♪
♪ Ooh, ooh ♪

♪ I knew the pathway like the
back of my hand ♪
♪ Ooh, ooh ♪

♪ I felt the earth beneath
my feet ♪
♪ Ooh, ooh ♪

♪ Sat by the river and it made
me complete ♪
♪ Ooh, ooh ♪

♪ Oh, simple thing,
where have you gone? ♪

♪ I'm getting old and I need
something to rely on ♪

♪ So tell me when
you're gonna let me in ♪

♪ I'm getting tired
and I need somewhere to begin ♪

♪ And if you have a minute
why don't we go ♪

♪ Talk about it somewhere
only we know? ♪

♪ This could be the end ♪

♪ Of everything ♪

♪ So why don't we go ♪

♪ Somewhere only we know? ♪

♪ Somewhere only we know ♪

♪ Somewhere only ♪

♪ We know ♪

♪ If you have a minute ♪

♪ Ooh... oh-oh... ♪
♪ Why don't we go ♪

♪ Talk about it ♪

♪ Ah... oh ♪
♪ Somewhere only we know? ♪

♪ This could be
the end of everything ♪

♪ So why don't we go ♪

♪ Somewhere only we know? ♪

♪ Somewhere only we know ♪

♪ Somewhere only we know. ♪

I'm never saying
good-bye to you.



No crying, no crying.

We love you.

♪ I don't know
why I'm frightened ♪

♪ I know my way around here ♪

♪ The cardboard trees ♪

♪ The painted scenes ♪

♪ The sound here ♪

♪ Yes, a world to rediscover ♪

♪ But I'm not in any hurry ♪

♪ And I need a ♪

♪ Moment ♪

♪ The whispered conversations ♪

♪ In overcrowded hallways ♪

♪ The atmosphere ♪

♪ As thrilling here ♪

♪ As always ♪

♪ Feel the early morning
madness ♪

♪ Feel the magic in the making ♪

♪ Why ♪

♪ Everything's
as if we never said ♪

♪ Good-bye ♪

♪ I've spent so many mornings ♪

♪ Just trying to resist you ♪

♪ I'm trembling now ♪

♪ You can't know how ♪

♪ I've missed you ♪

♪ Missed the fairy tale
adventure ♪

♪ In this ever-spinning ♪

♪ Playground ♪

♪ We were young ♪

♪ Together ♪

♪ I'm coming out of makeup ♪

♪ The lights already burning ♪

♪ Not long until the cameras ♪

♪ Will start turning ♪

♪ And the early morning
madness ♪

♪ And the magic in the making ♪

♪ Yes, everything's
as if we never said ♪

♪ Good-bye ♪

♪ I don't want to be alone ♪

♪ That's all in the past ♪

♪ This world's waited
long enough ♪

♪ I've come home ♪

♪ At last ♪

♪ And this time will be bigger ♪

♪ And brighter ♪

♪ Than we knew it ♪

♪ So watch me fly ♪

♪ We all know ♪

♪ I can do it ♪

♪ Could I stop my hands
from shaking? ♪

♪ Has there ever been a moment ♪

♪ With so much ♪

♪ To live for? ♪

♪ The whispered conversations ♪

♪ In overcrowded hallways ♪

♪ So much to say ♪

♪ Not just today but always ♪

♪ We'll have
early morning madness ♪

♪ We'll have magic
in the making ♪

♪ Yes, everything's as if
we never said ♪

♪ Good-bye ♪

♪ Yes, everything's as if ♪

♪ We never said ♪

♪ Good-bye... ♪

♪ We taught the world ♪

♪ New ways to ♪

♪ Dream... ♪

Hey, Lucy.

What did you just call me?

Well, that certainly got
your attention.

Can we speak privately?

Well, you may want
to have a seat.


My dad's college roommate
was G. Gordon Liddy...

and he taught my pop
a valuable lesson.

He said the key to any campaign
is digging up dirt

on your opponent,
so I did a little digging.

Dude, my permanent
record has three volumes.

I don't remember
doing half this stuff.


You moved to Lima
after eighth grade, right?

I transferred from Fairbrook.
That's not a secret.

Well, you must have had
a pretty lousy attendance record

because I called Fairbrook
Middle School

and they didn't have

a record of anyone named Fabray,

which makes sense,

as you actually lived

in an unincorporated part

of Fairbrook Township,
which would have meant

you would have gone
to Belleville Middle School,

not Fairbrook.

So I took a little field trip.

You didn't.
I did.

And you know what?
They didn't have

a record of anyone
named Quinn Fabray, either.

They did, however, have someone
named Lucy Fabray--

Lucy Q. Fabray,

to be exact,

and she looked like this.

You can kind of see
the resemblance

if you look past the nose job
and subtract, eh, 70 pounds.

Stop, okay?

That's me.

My middle name is Quinn.

I stopped going by Lucy because
kids made up a mean nickname.

Juicy Lucy?

Lucy Caboosey.

I hated the way I looked.

I had zits. I was chubby.

I felt terrible about myself.

I didn't have friends.

Nobody would talk to me.

I was the only kid at school who
had to dissect their own frog

because nobody would
be my lab partner.

And then I joined ballet,

lost a little bit of weight,

found out I was athletic,
joined gymnastics,

then cheerleading.

Went on Proactiv for my acne.

And when my dad got transferred

and got a raise, I asked him
if I could get a nose job.

And he said yes.

Then I asked them
to call me Quinn.

So you hate yourself.

No, I love myself.

And that's why I did
all those things.

I've been that girl,
and I'm never going back.

I was a miserable little girl.

And now I'm going
to be prom queen.

Yeah. See, I wouldn't be
so sure about that.

You think everyone's going
to vote for you

because they want
to be like you.

Well, I don't know if they're
going to want to be like you

when they find out
that you're a complete fraud.

What are you going to do?

If I were you,
I'd check the bulletin boards.

Why did you bring me here?

Is there a sale at Claire's?

I brought you here to
knock some sense into you.

You won't listen to me,
you won't listen to Finn.

But you will listen
to Barbra Streisand.

Thanks, Puck. I'll
take it from here.

Nice effort.

But only I can lead
this Barbravention.

Is she here?
No. This is a mall in Ohio.

Look, Rachel, here's the deal.

Do you want to disappoint her?


Of course not, Kurt.
She's my idol. Okay, if you get

a nose job, then you
will be spitting

on her legacy.
Barbra refused

to believe that beauty
could only be defined

by the blonde, chiseled faces
of Hitchcock's beauties,

so she redefined
what beauty was

and became the biggest
female star in the world.

But what if
I can't be like her?

Isn't she one in a billion?

So are you, Rachel.

And if you let one
misguided societal pressure

make you change
the way you look,

then you won't just
be letting Barbra down,

you'll be letting down
all the little girls

who are going to look at
your beautiful face one day

and see themselves.

You'll be taking away
their inspiration, too.

I thought you'd be hesitant,

which is why I
brought you here.

Perhaps, if my words don't
inspire you, song will.


What are you doing?

♪ Barbra Streisand ♪

♪ ♪

♪ Barbra Streisand ♪

♪ ♪

♪ Barbra Streisand ♪

♪ ♪

♪ Barbra Streisand ♪

♪ ♪

♪ Barbra Streisand ♪

♪ ♪

♪ Barbra Streisand ♪

♪ ♪



Nice and clean.

I'm afraid we're out of time.

What do you mean?
I just sat down.

Well, the therapeutic
hour is 50 minutes,

and you just spent 48 of
them disinfecting the chair.

It's clear you have a...

a fairly severe case of
obsessive-compulsive disorder.


OCD's very treatable.

A combination of medication
and behavioral therapy

will give you some relief
from those feelings of...

of panic that you might feel

if, say, you think you forgot
to unplug the curling iron or...

Oh, God, I think I forgot
to unplug the curling iron.

There's a stigma in this country

about mental illness.

I mean, depression,
anxiety, OCD, bipolar,

they're hard to diagnose, so...

people don't always appreciate
that they're serious problems,

but they are.

Yeah, um...

I don't know.

You know, I'm not sure
I want to lay on a couch

and tell some stranger
all of my secrets.


I don't want
to start popping pills

just so I can turn into someone
that other people want me to be.

This is how I am.

This is who I'm supposed to be.

Your illness is not
who you're supposed to be.

It's keeping you from who
you're supposed to be.

Look, you're
a guidance counselor, right?

So if a student came to you
and said they had diabetes,

would you give them insulin

or would you say, "Hey, that's
just who you're supposed to be."


I just feel, um...

I feel so ashamed.


Well, you're not alone.

After my daughter was born,
I had a severe case

of postpartum depression.

I would look down

at this beautiful baby girl

like she wasn't even mine.

Like all the color
just came out of the world.

But you know when the moment was

that I started to feel
just a little bit better?

When I admitted
that I needed some help.


that's what I'm here for.

Can I tell you something, Emma?

You're going to feel better.

I promise.

I'm going to give you an SSRI.

Start with a low dosage,

and that'll help you
hold on to the serotonin

that your brain
naturally makes anyway.

And I'd like to see
you in about a week.


Well, it's over.


My campaign.

I'll never get elected
prom queen now.

Can I show you something?

It's my girlfriend.

I used to have another photo,
but... I like this one better.


She looks terrible.
You think so?

'Cause I think it's the first one

where you can really see her.

Thank you.

I'll see you in
Glee rehearsal, okay?

She's, like, an inspiration.

One of us.
One who overcame.

I always thought she was just
some kind of stuck-up bitch,

but she's really
one of the people.

Yeah, totally.


Holy crap, it's her.


You have our votes, Lucy.



I'll try not to let you down.

Jacob Ben Israel's

queen poll has you up by 40%.

I... suppose I...

had that result coming.

It's not cool...

what I did to you,
and I apologize.

I respect you.

I had to get a nose job
and go on a crazy diet

to walk around this
school like I owned it.

And you just do it.

Well, I have to admit...

I have considered.
Going blonde.

I'm not so sure.

Red, maybe.

Ooh, that's a great idea.



Do you like my shirt
for Glee Club?

It's perfect.
I know.

Check out mine.

What? This is perfect.

Legend has it that when
I came out of my mother,

I told the nurse she was fat.


I made a different one for you.

I'm Hispanic.

Wait, was that supposed
to be "Lesbian"?

Yeah, isn't that what it says?

When you told me all
that stuff the other week,

it meant so much to me.

To see you be so honest.

Especially 'cause I
know how bad it hurt.

I was so proud of you.

Yeah, well,
don't get used to it.

And certainly don't even think
about telling anyone.

Why not?

You're like the most awesomest
girl at this school.

Why would you try to hide any of that?
I'm dating Karofsky now.

It's gross.

You don't get a say
in who I date anymore.

Why not,
because I'm dating somebody?

Because you're Lebanese
and I think I'm bi-curious?

No. Because I said
I love you.

You didn't say
you love me back.

I do love you. Clearly
you don't love you

as much as I do or
you'd put the shirt on

and you would dance with me.

All right, guys.

Listen up.

You all did really good
this week.

It was tough, but I think
we came closer as a team

and I'm proud of you.

And now, I'd like to be
the first one to show off

my custom T-shirt,
revealing something

I was self-conscious about
in the past,

something I was born with,

something I've come to accept
about myself this past week.

So, drumroll, Finn.

I like your chin,
Mr. Shue.

Yeah, I would've went
with "Tears up a lot."

Uh, is everyone here?

Not everybody.

I wanted to thank you guys
for my Barbravention.

And I have
an announcement to make.

I went to my doctor


I canceled my appointment.

And then I went home

and I made this.


So, unfortunately I can't join
in on today's dance number.

My doctor said I have to stay
away from vigorous choreography

while my nose heals.

So thanks for being patient.

And, Finn, next time,

watch out for the schnoz.

Where's Santana?

Probably off somewhere
making out with Karofsky.

Yeah, he can have her.

Hit it!

♪ It doesn't matter
if you love him ♪

♪ Or capital H-I-M ♪

♪ Just put your paws up ♪

♪ 'Cause you were born
this way, baby ♪

♪ ♪

♪ My mama told me
when I was young ♪

♪ We are all born superstars ♪

♪ She rolled my hair,
put my lipstick on ♪

♪ In the glass of her boudoir ♪

♪ There's nothing wrong
with loving who you are ♪

♪ She said, 'cause he made you
perfect, babe ♪

♪ So hold your head up, girl,
and you'll go far ♪

♪ Listen to me when I say ♪

♪ I'm beautiful in my way ♪

♪ 'Cause God makes no mistakes ♪

♪ I'm on the right track, baby,
I was born this way ♪

♪ Don't hide yourself
in regret ♪

♪ Just love yourself
and you're set ♪

♪ I'm on the right track, baby,
I was born this way ♪

♪ Don't be a drag,
just be a queen ♪

♪ Whether you're broke
or evergreen ♪

♪ You're black, white,
beige, chola descent ♪

♪ You're Lebanese,
you're Orient ♪

♪ Whether life's disabilities ♪

♪ Left you outcast, bullied
or teased ♪

♪ Rejoice and love yourself
today ♪

♪ 'Cause, baby,
you were born this way ♪

♪ No matter black, white
or beige ♪

♪ Chola or Orient made ♪

♪ I'm on the right track, baby ♪

♪ I was born to be brave ♪

♪ I'm beautiful in my way ♪

♪ 'Cause God makes no mistakes ♪

♪ I'm on the right track, baby,
I was born this way ♪

♪ Don't hide yourself
in regret ♪

♪ Just love yourself
and you're set ♪

♪ I'm on the right track, baby,
I was born this way ♪

♪ Born this way ♪

♪ Baby, I was born this way ♪
♪ Baby, I was ♪

♪ Baby, I was born this way ♪

♪ Baby, I was born this way ♪

♪ Don't hide yourself
in regret ♪

♪ Baby, I was born this way ♪
♪ Baby, I was ♪

♪ I'm on the right track, baby,
I was born this way ♪

♪ I was born this way, hey ♪

♪ I was born this way, hey ♪

♪ I'm on the right track, baby ♪

♪ I was born this way, hey ♪

♪ I was born this way, hey,
I was born this way, hey ♪

♪ I'm on the right track, baby,
I was born this way, hey. ♪