Glee (2009–2015): Season 1, Episode 18 - Laryngitis - full transcript

When a sore throat affects Rachel's singing voice, she goes into panic mode. Meanwhile, Kurt tries to change his persona to impress his father, and Puck makes a strategic move to elevate his social status.

So here's what happened
last week—

Kurt found a video of Sue,
and the Glee Club
posted it online.

You, my friend,
are an embarrassment.

And then somebody made a "Glist"
of who in the Glee Club
was the naughtiest.

So Rachel tried
to seem like a bad girl...

by doing a video with Finn,
Puck and Jesse,

but it just hurt their feelings,
and the song was really bad—

Like maybe the worst song
ever written.

Also, Sue spilled the beans
that Will sucked face
with Shelby Corcoran...

and that one time
April Rhodes spent the night,

which totally hurt Emma's

- I'm through with you.
- And that's what you missed
on Glee.

- [School Bell Rings]
- [Chattering]

Who is that guy?

[School Bell Rings]
My mom found a mole
on my head...

when she was washing my hair
on Friday.

Your mom still
washes your hair?

She started crying about sunblock
and how she's always telling me...

to wear a hat
when I'm cleaning pools.

So, she made me
go see Dr. Friedlander,
the dermatologist.

He said he had
to shave my head
to get a closer look at it.

It was nothing.
They maimed me
over a freaking freckle.

I feel like that guy
that lost all his hair,
then lost all his strength.


This morning, people had
the balls to look me in the eye.

I mean, it's just
a Mohawk, right?
I'm still Puckasaurus.

Actually, I don't know
if it's the missing Mohawk
or the whining,

but I am totally
not turned on
by you right now.

[Clicks Pen]

You got a problem?

Clearly, you're not
a follower of my Larry Hair
account on Twitter.

We've been tweeting all day
about your new look.

You're like a toddler
with a loose lid
on his Sippy Cup.

No more juice.
Get ready for payback,

[Clucks Tongue]

All right.

[Puck Thinking]
I'm human garbage.

I should just lie here
until the truck comes
and let it crush me to death.

What's the point of living
when I suck so bad?

[Rhythmic Clapping]
♪♪ [Girl Vocalizing]

Wait a second.

That black chick from Glee Club
used to suck, and now she's all
kinds of popular.

- ♪ A Cheerio ♪
- If she can straighten
herself out, I certainly can.

But how?
I'm not becoming a Cheerio.

Wait. I don't need
to be a cheerleader.

- I just need to date one.
- ♪ Yeah, yeah ♪

Get ready,
black girl from Glee Club...

whose name
I can't remember right now.

The Puckster
is about to make you his.

Um- Wait. What are these?
My vitamin supplements.

I'm taking them
three times a day.

I'm exhausted.

I even felt a tickle
in the back of my throat,
and I never get sick.

I just don't understand
why you're so tired
all of a sudden.

Because every song I sing
in here is a solo.

As you know,
I have perfect pitch,

which also means
I have a very sensitive ear.

None of them were singing.

I knew I needed proof, so I had
a little talk with Lauren Zizes,
president of the A.V. club.

Bug the choir room?
I'm almost offended by
the simplicity of the request.

Just tell me you can do it,
Zizes. The microphones
would have to be hidden.

Who is this guy?
Who is this guy?

It'll cost you two boxes
of Mallomars for me,
and Snicker bars for my workers.

Take it or leave it, Berry.

♪ Mi, mi, mi, mi, mi, mi, mi ♪

♪ Mi, mi, mi, mi
Mi, mi, mi ♪

♪ Mi, mi, mi, mi, mi, mi, mi ♪

♪ Mi, mi, mi, mi, mi, mi, mi ♪

♪ Mi, mi, mi, mi
Mi, mi, mi ♪

♪ Ma, ma, ma, ma, ma
Ma, ma, ma, ma ♪

♪ Ma, ma, ma, ma, ma
Ma, ma, ma, ma ♪

♪ Ma, ma, ma, ma
Ma, ma, ma, ma, ma ♪

♪ Ma, ma, ma, ma, ma
Ma, ma, ma, ma ♪

[No Audio]

Here are the Glee Club
members who are not
pulling their weight.

- This is half the club.
- [School Bell Rings]


Oh, man.

Hey, sugar. Listen.
I got a proposition to make.

I did some research.

Blacks and Jews have a history
of sticking up for each other.

And Wikipedia says that King
Martin Luther loved the Jews.

Okay, you just said, like,
10 offensive things.

My point is,
you're popular now.

And I got to be honest.
I need to spice up my image a little.

We should join forces.
It wouldn't take much.

Just a little light making out.
And I like a girl with curves.

You got to admit,
I'm easy on the eyes.

Baby, I just am
not attracted to you.

Plus, I know what you do
to the girls you date.

You knock them up, and then
you hang them out to dry.

Quinn and I weren't dating.
She was dating someone else.

We just did the nasty.
And she understood
you can't tie me down.

I'm a sex shark.
If I stop moving, I die.

Okay, I'm going to ask you
to stop, because I'm starting
to get embarrassed for you.

You and me would not work out.

We have nothing in common.

You're top 40.
I'm rhythm and blues.

- [School Bell Rings]
- I am very disappointed
in you guys.

Can't believe you narked on us.
Don't get mad at me
for exposing your laziness.

I'm tired of carrying
all of your weight.

- Regionals is in a month, guys.
- I'm just trying to understand
what's going on here.

Finn, why did you stop singing?

'Cause you started giving
all the male leads to Jesse.

- Kind of shook
my confidence, you know?
- What difference does it make?

Everyone knows that my job here
is to look hot.

My baby hormones
are making me moody.

There are so many lyrics.

Okay. A chain
is only as strong
as its weakest link.

A Glee Club is about a myriad
of voices...

coming together as one.
All right?

This ends now,

which is why your assignment
for the week...

is for each of you to come up
with a song...

that best represents how you
see yourself-

where you are in your lives
right now—

your voice.


you're going to stand up here
and sing your hearts out.

- All of you.
- Solos?
In front of everyone?

The Glee Club has lost its

It's time for us to get it back.

- [School Bell Rings]
- I am going to kill
this assignment.

If there’s one thing
that I know, it's my voice.

I have exactly the same vocal

as 16th century castrato
Orlando di Lasso.

But you know
what he didn't have?

A song
by Miss Whitney Houston
in his back pocket.

- Hey, Kurt.
- Dad?

What are you doing here?
Is everything okay?

No, I'm here to pick up Finn.
I got a pair of tickets
to the Reds game,

and Carole said that Finn's
never been to a Major League

I mean, it's Cincinnati,
so it's barely
the Major Leagues, but still.

And why wasn't I invited?
Are you kidding me?

Every time I sit down
and watch a game,
you start in on the fact...

that all the players
are wearing stirrup pants.

Because there's never
an excuse for stirrup pants.

- [Finn] Okay, I'm ready.
- All right,
I'll meet you by the car.

This is gonna be so great.
It's gonna be great for Finn.
It means a lot to his mom too.

Hey, I'll see you at home.
I'll be home around midnight.

[School Bell Rings]

Girl, you got more curves
than a Nissan ad.

That's what you
came up with?

All right, guys.
Let's get things started.

As I was first
on the sign-up sheet,
I'll kick things off.

I have chosen
Miley Cyrus's "The Climb,"

because it's about overcoming
obstacles and beating the odds.

In my case,
the obstacle is you-

my lackluster teammates
who refuse to carry
their own weight.


♪♪ [Ballad]

[Quavering, Off-key Voice]
♪ I can almost see it ♪

♪ That dream I'm dreaming ♪

♪ But there's a voice
inside my head saying ♪

♪ You'll never reach it ♪

♪ Every step I'm taking ♪

♪ Every move I make ♪

♪ Feels lost with no direction ♪

♪ My faith is shaking ♪

♪ But I ♪

♪ Gotta keep tryin' ♪

♪ Gotta keep my head
held high— ♪♪


I think you've lost
your voice.

[School Bell Rings]
Hey, lady-face.

I noticed you weren't at
Cheerios practice yesterday,

and I don't look kindly
on absenteeism.

I'm so sorry, Miss Sylvester.
It won't happen again.

Something happened yesterday
that really upset me.

It's my dad.
He's the most important thing
in the world to me.

I love him,
and I'm afraid
that I might be losing him...

because of... my... sexuality.

Your sexuality.
How old are you, 16?

Have you even kissed a boy?

Have you ever kissed
a girl?

Well, then how can you
possibly know what you like?

You see, that's the problem
with your generation.

You're obsessed with labels.
So you like show tunes.

Doesn't mean you're gay.
It just means you're awful.

You know, there's only one
person in this world who can
tell you what you are.

No. Me.

Sue Sylvester.
And she hasn't quite
made up her mind about you.

Wait. I have an idea.

Our assignment for Glee Club
is to find a song...

that reflects our voice-
Yeah, you know what?

I checked out
of this conversation
about a minute back.

So, uh, good luck
with your troubles,

and I'm gonna make it
a habit not to stop
and talk to students,

'cause this has been
a colossal waste
of my time.

Hey, Kurt-
You wanted to speak to me?

Yeah, Dad. Yeah.

I was just, uh, working
on my Glee Club assignment,

"Pink Houses"
by John Mellencamp.

Oh, really?
I didn't think that was
in your wheelhouse.

Yeah, I think it's really
brave for a Midwesterner
like himself...

to, uh, write a song
about such bold interior design.

You know that's not
what the song's about?

No, it's about how
the '80s were a tough time
for a lot of people,

and, you know,
the American Dream isn't
all it's cracked up to be.

Hmm. Fascinating.

Hey, why don't we go grab a
couple burgers and, uh, you can
tell me more about it?

Sure. But I gotta be honest.

That's pretty much what
every Mellencamp song is about.

But you know what?
I'll get my coat.

Anything to help you out.

What if he says
I'll never sing again?

I mean, who am I
without my voice?

I-I'm just this spoiled,
annoying only child-

Don't say that.
There's, like, so many
awesome things about you.


Look, he's not gonna say
you'll never sing again.

Bad news, Rachel.
You'll probably
never sing again.

- [Gasps]
- I'm kidding.

You have severe tonsillitis,
which has resulted
in an inner ear infection.

It's not the first time.
You should have had them out
years ago.

Why should I let you butcher
my throat, when just resting
my voice for a week...

and chugging down herbal tea
will do the same job?

This is a very serious infection.

I think she's worried
about the surgery affecting
her singing voice.

At least start by taking
these antibiotics—

Unless you think they're
going to adversely affect
your dance moves.

What do you think I should do?
Maybe you should ask
your boyfriend.

Oh, wait, you can't.
He's not here.

He's in San Diego
on spring break with his friends
from Vocal Adrenaline.

When are you gonna realize
that he's not into you
like I am?

You think he's
gonna stick around
if you can't sing?

If you’re a vocal cripple?
Look, I know that you've
always been jealous of Jesse.

And even though
he and I haven't spoken since
the "Run Joey Run" debacle,

you just have to accept
the fact that...

I still care about him deeply.

And I know he still feels
the same way about me.

♪♪ [Upbeat Pop]

♪Jessie is a friend ♪

♪ Yeah, I know he's been
a good friend of mine ♪

♪ But lately something's changed
that ain't hard to define ♪

♪Jessie's got himself a girl
and I wanna make her mine ♪

♪ And she's watching him
with those eyes ♪

♪ And she's loving him
with that body
I just know it ♪

♪ And he's holding her
in his arms ♪

♪ Late, late at night ♪

♪ You know I wish
that I had Jessie's girl ♪

♪ I wish that
I had Jessie's girl ♪

♪ Where can I find
a woman like that ♪

♪ And I'm lookin'
in the mirror all the time ♪

♪ Wondering what
she don't see in me ♪

♪ I've been funny
I've been cool
with the lines ♪

♪ Ain't that the way
love's supposed to be ♪

♪ Tell me, where can I find
a woman like that ♪

♪ Like Jessie's girl ♪

♪ I wish that
I had Jessie's girl ♪

♪ I want Jessie’s girl ♪

♪ Where can I find
a woman like that ♪

♪ Like Jessie's girl ♪

♪ I wish that I had Jessie's girl ♪

♪ I want
I want Jessie’s girl ♪♪

♪♪ [Ends]

♪♪ [Ends]

[Cheering, Whooping]

Nice work. Now that—

That is the kind
of soul-exposing song
I was talking about.

We should all be inspired
by Finn's bravery.
Good job, buddy.

Uh, Mr. Schue, can I sing
my song now?

Yeah. Let's go for it, Puck.

- What are they doing here?
- I invited my brothers
from the jazz band...

and their righteous horns
to help me out with my song.

Since I shaved my Mohawk
I started seeing things

Last week
I joined a black church,

and I recently downloaded
every song Sammy Davis, Jr.
ever recorded on iTunes.

He was a black Jew, you know,
and my inspiration.

So, without further ado,
I give you one
of Sammy's biggest hits.

♪♪ [Maracas:
Up-tempo Beat]

♪♪ [Maracas:
Up-tempo Beat]

♪♪ [Swing Jazz]

♪ She gets too hungry
for dinner at 8:00 ♪

♪ She adores the theater
and won't arrive late ♪

♪ She'd never bother
with people she'd hate ♪

♪ That's why the lady
is a tramp ♪

♪ Doesn't like crap games
with barons and earls ♪

♪ Won't go to Harlem
in ermine and pearls ♪

♪ Won't dish the dirt
with the rest of the girls ♪

♪ That's why the lady
is a tramp ♪

♪ She likes the free
Fresh wind in her hair ♪

♪ Life without care ♪

♪ She's broke
It's oke ♪

♪ She hates California
It's cold and it's damp ♪

♪ That's why the lady
is a tramp ♪

♪ Oh, oh-oh, oh-oh ♪

♪ Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh-oh-oh ♪

♪ I get far too hungry
to eat dinner at 8:00 ♪

♪ I adore the theater
but I never come late ♪

♪ You never bother ♪
♪♪ [Scatting]

♪ With anyone that you'd hate ♪

♪ That's why the lady
is a tramp ♪

♪ I like the free
Fresh wind in my hair ♪

♪ Life without care ♪

♪ She's a swinger
A humdinger ♪

- ♪ Hates California ♪
- [Together]
♪ Too cold and too damp ♪

♪ That's why the lady ♪
♪ That's why the lady ♪

♪ That's why the lady ♪
♪ That's why the lady ♪

♪ That's why the lady ♪
♪ Oh, oh, oh-oh-oh-oh ♪

♪ That is why the lady
is a ♪
♪ That is why the lady ♪

♪ Tramp ♪
♪ Is a tramp ♪

♪ Tramp
Yeah, yeah, yeah ♪

♪ Oh, oh-oh-oh, yeah ♪♪

♪ Oh, oh-oh-oh, yeah ♪♪

♪ Oh, oh-oh-oh, yeah ♪♪

[School Bell Rings]

Look, Quinn,
I could never see myself...

being into a guy like Puck,

especially since he's
your baby's daddy, but...

something just happened
between us.

I say go for it.


I screwed up
by letting Puck
get me pregnant.

He's an idiot,
and his mother
won't let me eat bacon.

I'm stuck living
with him right now,

but at least,
if you guys are dating,

I won't have to spend
so much time listening
to his insane theories...

on how Super Mario Brothers
changed civilization.

But you do realize
he's using you
and your popularity...

so he won't get tossed
in a Dumpster.

I know he's using me,
but in a way,
it's even better.

I'm not you.
I've never had a guy
like me for anything,

but now I'm such a steaming mug
of hot chocolate...

that one of the studliest guys
in school wants to use me
to harvest some mojo.

I just don't
want you getting hurt.

I know what this is.
My heart's safe.

Oh, I'm not worried
about your heart.

I might be okay with this,
but not even Puck...

is going to be able
to call off Santana.

[School Bell Rings]

All right,
let's get things started.
Mr. Shue?

I'd like to start us off.

I believe I've found a song
that finally expresses
my true voice.


- Gentlemen.
- ♪♪ [Mid-tempo Rock]

- Gentlemen.
- ♪♪ [Mid-tempo Rock]

♪ There's a black man
with a black cat ♪

♪ Livin' in a black
neighborhood ♪

♪ He's got an interstate runnin'
through his front yard ♪

♪ You know, he thinks
that he's got it so good ♪

♪ And there's a woman
in the kitchen ♪

♪ Cleanin' up the evenin' slop ♪

♪ And he looks at her and says ♪

♪ Hey, darlin', I can remember ♪

♪ When you could stop a clock ♪

♪ Oh, but ain't that America ♪

♪ For you and me ♪

♪ Ain't that America ♪

♪ Somethin' to see, baby ♪

♪ Ain't that America ♪

♪ Home of the free, yeah ♪

♪ Little pink houses
for you and me ♪

♪ Oh, baby, for you and me ♪♪

Is there something wrong,
Mr. Shue?

I don't really think
you got the point
of the assignment.

This was about finding a song
that expresses who you are.

That song didn't
really sound like you.

Well, I'm sorry if I didn't
live up to your expectations.

No, no. This group
needs you to be you, Kurt.

You can literally do things
that no one else can.

I'm not a box.
There are more
than four sides to me.

Don't lose track
of who you are just
because it might be easier...

to be somebody else.

All right, take five, guys.

Hey, Kurt—

That song was hot.
Oh. "Mer-ci."

So you're pretty much
the only guy in this school
that I haven't made out with...

because I thought
you were capital-G gay.

But now that you're not,
having a perfect record
would mean a lot to me.

So, let me know
if you want to tap this.

[School Bell Rings]

Are you, like, sleepwalking?

You have to be able
to sleep to sleepwalk.

I am on my third day
of antibiotics,

and I am not getting
any better,

which means I'm gonna
have to have that surgery,
which means my life is over.

Don't you think you're
being a little dramatic,
I mean, even for you?

God, I'm so sick of you
feeling sorry for yourself.

Why don't you get it?
I am my voice.

I am like Tinker Bell, Finn.

I need applause to live.

I got a friend
I want you to meet.

Another doctor?
I've seen six already.

No, he's an old friend of mine.

♪♪ [Woman Scatting]

Your lip gloss
tastes like root beer.

It's weird.

Can I ask you something?

What do boys' lips taste like?

Usually, dip.

Sometimes they taste
like burgers or my armpits.

Kissing my armpits
is a really big turn-on for me.

[Door Opens, Closes]

Am I interrupting something?

You sure are.

Okay, I'm confused.

I came home to find this note on
your doorknob.

"Do not enter
under any circumstances.
I'm making out with a girl."

I just thought it was
the start of one of your
murder mystery dinners.

Dad, I really need you
to respect my privacy.

Brittany and I were just, uh,
having sexual relations.


Kurt, uh, I've been sort of
dealing for months...

with you being gay
and everything,

and now you're telling me
that's not the case?

Dad, you and I
have more in common
than I would have thought-

The flannel, the Mellencamp-

the ladies.

Okay, well,

you're free to be
whoever you are.

Okay? You just let me know
when you make up your mind.

I'm gonna do the best I can,
but I'm good either way.

Nice to meet you.

All right, you kids
be careful, all right?

And-And you gotta
respect her, all right?

And if things get serious,
you know, use protection.

Does he mean,
like, a burglar alarm?

So what made
Super Mario Brothers 3
so amazing was the star worlds.

None of the other versions had
anything like that.

Look, Puck, I agreed
to start dating you...

because you have great arms
and we have serious
musical chemistry—

both of which
are really important to me-

but clearly you've never dated
a sister before,

and we have needs-

As in you need
to stop flapping your gums
about this video game nonsense,

and start finding out
more about me, about who I am.

Okay. I've never done that
with a girl before,
but I'm cool.

The first thing
you need to know is,

I like those
frozen coffee drinks.

Do you want me
to get you one?


What was that?
Whatever I did, I'm—
I'm sorry.

Here. Take my lunch money
as an apology.

Put that away.
Why didn't you look at me
when I walked by?

Well, the Tweetosphere says
you're dating Mercedes Jones.

She's one of the most
popular girls in school.

Your cool-o-meter is off thee
charts which means most of us
are terrified of you again.

Some of the guys
who threw you in the Dumpster...

actually transferred today
out of fear of retaliation.

I didn't say
you could smile.
Give me that lunch money.

Also, my girl
needs a coffee drink.


[Line Ringing]

Excuse me. Can I please
talk to you for a minute?

Uh-huh, sure.
You know you look
kind of familiar.

Yeah, you do too, but, um,

I just wanted to know,
do you know somebody named-

You know his name.

Oh, yeah, definitely.
I know his name.

I just wanted to let you know
he's mine.

No, no. He's mine.

♪ You need to give it up ♪

♪ Had about enough ♪

♪ He belongs to me ♪

♪ The boy is mine ♪

♪ I think it's time
we got this straight ♪

♪ Sit and talk
face to face ♪

♪ There is no way
you could mistake him
for your man ♪

♪ Are you insane ♪

♪ You see, I know
that you may be ♪

♪Just a bit jealous of me ♪

♪ 'Cause you're blind
if you can't see ♪

♪ All my love
is all it took ♪

♪ You need to give it up
Had about enough ♪

- ♪ Had about enough ♪
- ♪ It's not hard to see ♪

♪ He's mine, he's mine
He's mine, he's mine ♪

♪ I'm sorry that you ♪
♪ I'm so sorry ♪

♪ Seem to be confused ♪
♪ You seem to be confused ♪

♪ He belongs to me ♪
♪ He belongs to me ♪

♪ The boy is mine ♪

♪ You can't destroy
this love I've found ♪

♪ Your silly games
I won't allow ♪

♪ The boy is mine
without a doubt ♪

♪ He was my love
right from the start ♪

♪ I'm sorry that you ♪
♪ I'm sorry that you ♪

♪ Seem to be confused ♪
♪ Seem to be confused ♪

♪ He belongs to me ♪

♪ That boy is mine
Not yours ♪

♪ But mine ♪
♪ Not yours ♪

♪ But mine ♪
♪ Not yours ♪

♪ No, mine ♪

♪ I'm sorry that you ♪

♪ Seem to be confused ♪

♪ He belongs to me ♪

- ♪ The boy is mine ♪♪
- Wow. That was intense.

- ♪ The boy is mine ♪♪
- Wow. That was intense.

- ♪ The boy is mine ♪♪
- Wow. That was intense.

- Don't touch me.
- Oh, step to me.

I gotta give you guys props
for the passion.

Maybe hold back on
the animosity a little bit.
Okay. I know. I understand.

Hey, hey, hey.
Seriously, this ends now.

All right.
Talk to the stick figure.

Please. All right?

You can go at it in song,
but that is it.

Enjoy it while you can, Weezie.

His hair is already starting
to grow back.

- Mm-hmm.
- Calm down. Hey! Hey.


Puck, what the hell
is going on here?

- Just a little payback.
- [Boy Groans]

You hear that?
It's the sound
of order being restored.

No man of mine is gonna be
pulling stuff like this.

Babe, this is what we do.
I mean, look at 'em.
They need this.

Without the fear of a good
Dumpster toss, there'd be
chaos up in this place.

Look, you don't need to like it,
but you need to accept...

that this is the way
things are, 'cause now
we're part of the system.

We're at the top of the heap.

Who's next?

[Boy Groans]
[Doorbell Rings]

Hi. Uh, Mrs. Fretthold,
this is Rachel.

Uh, I'll tell Sean
you're here.

I'm sorry it's such a mess.

I've been on the phone
to the insurance company
all day.

Oh, no. That's fine.
Is this him?

Uh, yeah.

- We met at football camp
a couple years ago.
- He's ready for you.

- Fab-Five Finnster.
- Fretter.

This is the hottie
you were telling me about?

Sean Fretthold, Rachel Berry.
Rachel, Sean.

Got a boyfriend, Rachel?

- Um, sort of.
- Sort of?

Sounds like I got a shot.

I don't understand.
This isn't funny.

They make me see a shrink.

He says I compensate with humor.

Third game of the season,
right after I met the Finnster,

this yeti of a fullback
breaks through the line.

I hear a crack.

Next thing I know,
I'm lying on the ground...

saying to myself,
"Get up, get up,"

but... nothing was working,
you know?

- Sean was a C-4.
- Paralyzed from
the upper chest down.

I'm so sorry.

Finn says your voice
is messed up.

- Is it gonna come back?
- I— I do—
I don't know.

Pissed off about what you lost?

I was.

Like, real... rage.

I used to just lie in bed
and scream.

Finn shouldn't have
brought me here.
I'm so sorry.

Wait, wait, wait. Just—

Tell her about what
happened when they
gave you the chair.

They were all excited...

because I could drive
it myself...

by blowing in that tube.

The second they left me alone...

I drove it
into the swimming pool.

His mom pulled him out
when she heard the splash.

I don't understand.

Are you trying to tell me
that you're happier now?

Hell, no. I'm miserable.

I miss my body.

I miss my life.

I miss my friends.

I miss girls.

But I've realized,
over time, that I've got
other stuff going on.

I'm more than just one thing.

You know, I'm good at math.


I flew through Calc I
in, like, two months.

- And I can sing.
- He's actually pretty good.

I used to sing in the shower,
in the car—

I didn't have the balls to
try out for my school's club
like Finn did.

That pissed me off
more than anything.

What the hell was I afraid of?

Sorry, guys.
Time for physical therapy.

Later, dude.
Um, I'll come by in a few weeks.

I'll be here.

- Thanks.
- For what?

Just, um, thanks.

[School Bell Rings]

Hey, mama.

Where's your
Cheerios uniform?
I quit.

Nobody quits the Cheerios.
You either die,
or I kick you off.

It was fun, I guess, but...

when I put the uniform on,
I didn't feel like myself.

It's just not who I am.

And what am I
supposed to do about
that Mariah Carey number...

in which you do
10 straight minutes
Of vocal runs?

Huh? Nationals
is in three weeks.

Guess I'll just have
to take to the mic
and deliver a diatribe-

Probably something
about immigrants.

I know Glee Club
may be super nerdy or whatever,

but it's taught me
something very important.

You have to be true
to who you are.

That's something
you may want think about.

'Cause the guy
I saw throwing dweebs
in the Dumpster yesterday-

I don't like him very much.

And you know what?
I don't think you do either.

[School Bell Rings]

Your hands are really soft.

My secret? Duck fat.

Hey, guys.
Just holding hands
with Brittany.

They feel like a baby.

Now I know
what it's like
to date a baby.

Hey, Kurt.

- Dad. Hey.
- Finn caught a foul ball
in the ninth,

so that means free
hoagies at Lenny's Hoagies,

and then half-price
to the motocross tonight,
so I promised I'd take him. Hi.

Can you excuse us
for a minute, boo?

Just go away.

Did you ever think that
that might be something
I wanted to do with you?

Look, Kurt, Finn needs a buddy
right now, okay?

At the game, he got to talking
about his dad,

and, you know, his mom thinks
it's a really good thing
for him.

Look, I promise you,

we will hang out
as much as you want, okay?

Just not tonight.

♪ All that work
And what did it get me ♪

♪ Why did I do it ♪

♪ Scrapbooks full of me
in the background ♪

♪ Give 'em love
And what does it get ya ♪

♪ What does it get ya ♪

♪ One quick look
as each of 'em leaves you ♪

♪ All your life
And what does it get ya ♪

♪ Thanks a lot
And out with the garbage ♪

♪ They take bows
And you're battin' zero ♪

♪ I had a dream ♪

♪ I dreamed it for you, Dad ♪

♪ It wasn't for me, Dad ♪

♪ And if it wasn't for me
Then where would you be ♪

♪ Miss Rachel Berry ♪

♪ Well, someone tell me
when is it my turn ♪

♪ Don't I get a dream
by myself♪

♪ Starting now
It's gonna be my turn ♪

♪ Gangway, world
Get off of my runway ♪

♪ Starting now
I bat a thousand ♪

♪ This time, boys
I'm taking the bows and ♪

♪ Everything's coming up Kurt ♪

♪ Everything's coming up
Hummel ♪

♪ Everything's coming up Kurt ♪

♪ This time for me ♪

♪ For me ♪

♪ For me, for me ♪

♪ For me, for me ♪

♪ For ♪

♪ Me ♪♪





That was some
serious singing, kid.

- That was "Rose's Turn."
- I could get into that, maybe.

What happened to the hoagies?
Ah, blew it off.

You know-
Too much cholesterol.

I bet Finn was disappointed.

He understood, uh,

once I told him
how bent out of shape
I thought you were.

Me? I'm fine.

Kurt, I'm dumb,
but I'm not stupid.

And I have no idea
what that song was about,

but "fine" don't sing
like you just sung.


Maybe I got carried away
doing stuff with Finn,

but, you know, I told you
this thing with you
was going to be hard.

Thing with me.
You mean being gay.

Yeah, being gay.

Look, I will fight
to the death...

for your right to love
whoever you want,

but when you were
a little baby in my arms,

did I dream about taking you
to baseball games...

and talking about girls?

Yeah, I did.
A lot of fathers do.

I had no idea
how disappointing I was.

Hey, come on.
Now, stop it right now.
I'm talking straight to you.

Don't go playing the victim.
You know that's not
what I mean.

I know.

I'm sorry.

I know you're
working hard on yourself
to make all this okay.

Just seeing you,

the way you are with Finn-
how easy it is—

breaks my heart.

Is that why you were
pretending to date
that daffy cheerleader?

And dressing differently,
and singing Mellencamp?

I just want you to know that...

I'm going to work as hard as you
to make this okay.

You don't have to work
at anything, Kurt.

Your job...

is to be yourself,

and my job is to love you
no matter what.

Okay? That and a majority
ownership in a tire store-

That's all we got.

We stick to that,
we're going to be great.

I missed you, Dad.
Oh, come here.

I love you.

Love you too.



- Finn with you?
- No. I came by myself.

- Is that okay?
- Yeah.

I, um—

I just wanted
to say thank you...

for showing me that...

just because
I'm not good at anything
other than singing...

doesn't mean I'm not
any good if I can't sing.

That... sounded like
a really bad greeting card.

No. It was cool.

Well, anyways, I—
I just thought I could
maybe return the favor.

I thought I could give you
singing lessons.

It sort of seemed like
an area of interest for you.

I'll- I'll come by, like,
once a week or something,

and we could
just see how it goes.

I've- I've helped
almost everyone
in our Glee Club,

- some by brute force, but-
- So your voice came back?

Turns out that a heroic dose
of antibiotics...

and a mysterious blend
of herbal remedies...

and a vow of silence...

is all it takes
to cure tonsillitis, so-

I'll probably have
to have my tonsils
taken out eventually,

but, um, I'm—
I'm not scared anymore.

Uh, so,

do you want to give it
a spin now?

Sing with you?


Yeah, I'd be honored.

Come here.

Take my hand?

- Can you feel that?
- No. But it's weird-

I remember what it feels like,

I can see it, so...

it's like I can.

I-I, um—
[Clears Throat]

I thought we'd do a little
classic rock today.

Finn said
you might like that.

♪ Is it getting better ♪

♪ Or do you feel the same ♪

♪ Will it make it
easier on you now ♪

♪ You've got someone
to blame ♪

♪ You say ♪

♪ One love, one life ♪

♪ When it's one need ♪

♪ In the night ♪

♪ One love ♪

♪ We get to share it ♪

♪ Leaves you, baby ♪

♪ If you don't care for it ♪

♪ Did I disappoint you ♪

♪ Or leave a bad taste
in your mouth ♪

♪ You act like
you never had love ♪

♪ And you want me
to go without ♪

♪ Well, it's too late ♪

♪ Tonight ♪

♪ To drag the past
out into the light ♪

♪ We're one
But we're not the same ♪

♪ We get to carry each other ♪

♪ Carry each other ♪

♪ One ♪

♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah ♪

♪ One ♪

♪♪ [Mercedes Vocalizing]

♪ Love is a temple
Love is a higher law ♪

♪ Love is a temple ♪

♪ Love is a higher law ♪

♪ You ask for me to enter ♪

♪ But then you make me crawl ♪

♪ And I can't be holding on
to what you got ♪

- ♪ When all you got is hurt ♪
- ♪ One love ♪

♪ One blood ♪

- ♪ One life ♪
- ♪ You got to do
what you should ♪

♪ One life ♪

♪ With each other ♪

♪ Sisters
and my brothers ♪

♪ One life
but we're not the same ♪

♪ We get to carry each other ♪

♪ Carry each other ♪

♪ One ♪

♪ One ♪

♪ One ♪

♪ One ♪♪

♪♪ [Vocalizing]

♪♪ [Harmonic Vocalizing]

♪♪ [Ends]

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