Gilmore Girls (2000–2007): Season 7, Episode 16 - Will You Be My Lorelai Gilmore? - full transcript

Are you sure we got enough plain onesies?
Let me see.
Forty people have RSVP'd yes to Lane's shower,
and we bought 60 onesies for them to decorate.
I don't wanna go all Beautiful Mind on you,
- but according to my calculations... - Yes, Mr. Nash,
but you are forgetting about the first-pancake phenomenon.
- Huh? - Yes, the first pancake, you know,
you always throw it out.
What if people start decorating their onesies
and they hate what they do,
so they want to start over,
and then we don't have enough onesies 'cause we only estimated one each?
Why do you throw out the first pancake?
Well, because the griddle's too hot. It gets burned.
Oh, my God. Next year, no excuses,
we are making you that audition tape for Top Chef.
This is pretty basic stuff.
But... What... Do you do it with hamburgers and waffles, too?
- No. It's pancake-specific. - Oh, my goodness.
Well, that's good news, because onesies are the exact opposite of pancakes.
They're totally impossible to screw up.
You can slap anything on a onesie and it looks cute.
- Anything? - Yeah, alligator, fried egg, tools.
These are not generally considered cute items.
I'll take the adorable Phillips head. Not something you hear normally.
- But you put that on a little onesie... - You're right. It's pretty damn cute.
So cute. All right, we got streamers and balloons
and the cake's in the fridge, the chairs are getting delivered later.
All we have to do now is go home and decorate.
But did we agree on one table for presents or two?
One.
Well, don't you think two would be better?
- One is fine. - Okay.
But I'm not going for fine, you know. Lane's shower cannot be fine.
- I want it to be great. - It will be.
Yeah, but how do you know?
I mean, I don't exactly have the best track record.
Lane's bachelorette party, we ended up in Brian's aunt's basement.
- Well, there's your first pancake. - Hold on.
Hello?
Yes, this is Rory...
New York Times.
Hi! Thank you for calling me back,
thank you so much. Yes.
As a matter of fact, I will be.
The corner of Ninth and... Great. Okay, I'll see you then.
- Oh, my God. - The New York Times?
- The New York Times! - They called you.
- They called me! - Why did they call you?
- Well... - Don't even answer.
I mean, if I was The New York Times,
I would be like, "Get me Rory Gilmore on the phone, stat."
Stat?
Whatever the equivalent of "stat" is in the news.
- "Now"? - No.
At The New York Times, the language is very fancy.
You say, "Promptly." "Presently." "Two shakes of a lamb's tail."
Why'd they call you?
Well, okay, remember that guy, Hugo Gray,
that I met at Logan's work party?
The guy who edits the online magazine.
- Yeah, you're writing pieces for him. - Exactly.
Well, Hugo has an in at The Times, this guy, A.J. Abrams.
He's an assistant managing editor. Really big.
And he gave me A.J.'s number and he said that I should call him
and see if he would get together with me for coffee so I could pick his brain.
- A.J.'s brain? - Well, Hugo's brain, been picked clean.
But, yeah, I called A.J. and I never heard back.
I didn't think he was gonna call me.
But that was him just now on the phone,
and he said that if I was going to be in the city tomorrow around 1:00,
he could meet me for coffee.
And I said, "Oh, well, as a matter of fact, I will be."
And he said something about a place on Ninth and I said, "Okay."
And he said, "See you tomorrow." And I said, "See you then."
Oh, my God. If this is any indication of the crackling,
spitfire dialogue to come at your coffee tomorrow...
Well, this is the worst possible time, but I just couldn't say no.
No, you couldn't say no.
I mean, let's face it, the Top Chefthing is a long shot.
- This is The New York Times. - I know.
Oh, but I have so much to do to get ready for Lane's baby shower.
- I'll take care of it. - Are you sure?
Yes, I'm, like, a professional party thrower.
- Well, I know, but... - No buts.
Okay, I mean, that'd be great.
I should probably spend the night at Logan's tonight.
My laptop's there, I need to print out my résumé. I should...
God, I need to prepare. I mean,
he's gonna expect me to ask him really intelligent questions.
Honey, you've been asking intelligent questions since you were three.
Yeah, well, he's probably expecting something a little more sophisticated.
Than, "What is a color?" 'Cause that one, like, blew my mind.
Something a little more newspaper-related, at the very least.
- You're gonna be great. - I hope so. I mean,
even if they don't have an opening there,
he knows people all across the country, you know?
If I impress him, he can probably set me up with some really good leads.
Yeah, well, tell him your mother thinks you're spectacular.
I will do. Oh, my God.
The New York Times called me and not the subscriptions department.
How's the sign?
Is it straight?
Oh, it's cute. The "S," that's funny.
- Thanks. - Not what you asked?
- No. - Okay, hit me again.
- Is the sign straight? - Perfect.
- Great. - Angelina and Brad had their baby
months and months ago.
Yeah, you're a little behind the times.
This is the problem with having two kids under the age of four.
World events just, you know, pass you by.
Are you done with those favors?
I cannot believe Britney is driving with her baby on her lap like that.
What is she doing with that guy, by the way?
Well, you'll be glad to know, they have since broken up.
Although, it turns out he was kind of a stabilizing influence in her life.
- Who knew? - You're kidding.
I know, why don't you blow up some more balloons
or hang some streamers?
I would love to, but it seems like the baby
really wants me to just keep sitting here and reading In Touch.
You know that excuse expires the minute you pop that baby out.
Yeah, but I've got 128 lazy days left.
Hey, why don't you go through the stack of pictures
'cause Rory is looking for one of Lane that she wants to blow up.
Baby pictures. Fun.
What do we got? Oh, God.
Oh, this one is so cute!
- That's just of Rory, though. - I know.
She was just an itty-bitty, teeny little cutie-patootie, wasn't she?
Yeah, she's cute.
- Oh, she really, really was. Wasn't she? - Seriously? With the voice?
Well, sorry. I'm hormonal.
I just can't believe this wittle girl
might be working at The New York Times.
Yeah, she's not so wittle anymore.
Hey, less Rory, more Lane.
Don't blame me, I'm not the one who got camera-happy for this Rory kid.
All right, you know what? I'm gonna call Mrs. Kim.
She'll have some good ones. Have you seen the phone?
See, the thing is, when I sat down, I realized it was behind me,
kind of right on my lower back.
And normally, I would have, you know,
pulled it out, but it's really kind of hitting just the right spot
where I've had a knot for, like, a week.
Did I mention I was pregnant?
Logan?
Oh, sorry. I'm sorry. Go back to bed. Go back to bed.
- Logan. It's really late. - I know.
I know. I'm sorry, I'm sorry. Go back to bed.
Is this all the cheese we have?
- I could've sworn we had more cheese. - It's 3:00 in the morning.
I know. Here. Keep that close.
We're gonna need that in the sandwich-making process.
- Where were you? - What? I was at work.
You were at work till 3:00 in the morning?
I work till 3:00 all the time. I mean, not tonight.
Tonight I worked till about 10:00,
and that's when Philip and I, we got a little something to drink,
and then a little something
- turned into a lot of something. - Yeah.
Who keeps bread in the refrigerator? I hate cold bread.
- God, these twist ties are impossible. - Okay, move.
- What? - I'll make you a sandwich.
- You will? - Yes, I will.
- Oh, you're so sweet. - Well, I'm not being sweet.
- You're just making a mess. - I should have called you.
- Yes, you should have. - You're mad.
Yes, I'm mad. I was worried about you.
I called you four times before I went to sleep, okay? You didn't answer.
- No call back. - I'm sorry.
You're sorry?
Well, my phone was on off.
Which totally sounds like it's on, but it's not. It's on off, which is on off.
- On off. Got it? - Get it.
What?
I'm not allowed to go out with my friends every once in a while?
I work hard, okay? Life is hard. I just... I need to...
You need to what?
I need to not be doing this right now, okay? I just...
You know what? Forget the sandwich. I'm just gonna go to bed.
So, you're telling me you won't eat this oatmeal.
These are rolled oats, repeatedly cut, twice-steamed and processed extensively.
And the oatmeal you thought you were ordering was...
Steel-cut, which are whole grain oats,
retaining the more natural, nutty flavor of the original oat kernels.
Okay, okay, I think I got it. You're like an analog guy with a CD.
You miss the vinyl's cool scratches and pops.
I think I can work with that.
This dude over here wants to replace this with some sort of steel oatmeal.
Tell him we've got it, but it takes forever to cook
and then deliver those plates to table five.
- I'm on it. - Okay.
- Luke, check it out. I've been published. - You have?
Mother wanted to sell her dinette set,
so I put pen to paper,
got my creative juices flowing, and voilà!
You put a want ad in the Stars Hollow Gazette?
It's a powerful feeling, seeing yourself immortalized in print.
Sure, it's only newsprint. It rips easily, it comes off on your fingers,
and the next day people use it to wrap fish,
- but, hey, it's how Dickens got started. - In want ads?
Man, this thing really flows. "Vintage dinette set. Formica.
"Barely chipped. Priced to move." It's precise, efficient.
Hemingway-esque in its terse simplicity.
Hey, with two buns in the oven, you wouldn't happen to be interested
in a dinette set, would you? Seats four.
No thanks, man.
Hey, Luke, you still haven't RSVP'd for the baby shower.
Yeah, I don't... I don't think I'm gonna go.
- Oh, really? - Yeah, it's not my thing, you know?
But there's a gift for you in the back. You should take it before you leave.
Wait, gifts are required?
Yeah, that's kind of the whole point.
I mean, at least, that's how Lane talked me into the whole thing.
Damn, it's my first baby shower.
I've been so caught up with the wardrobe question.
Just to clarify,
people don't actually dress like babies, do they?
I think what you're wearing is fine, dude.
- Luke, you should come. - Yeah, thanks.
Look, it's not going to be much of a rager.
Real mellow vibe, and I promise not too much baby stuff.
There won't be anything weird or queer about it at all.
I'll think about it.
Listen to this one.
"Does the spray of the open ocean call your name?"
Evocative, huh? This guy can write.
"Sturdy, fifteen-foot fishing boat.
"Back-to-back seats. Closed bow. Meticulously handcrafted."
How far out of town is 1211 Elmwood?
1211 Elmwood?
- That's what it says here. - Let me see that.
- That's my boat! - Really?
How much are you asking?
Because I wasn't even looking for a boat,
but that ad is so snappy it makes me think I wouldn't mind owning one.
So, what is it going to be? Yes or no?
Well, I really like them.
I'm just not sure how they're gonna work in the room.
They will work. They are teak.
Teak is a hardworking wood.
- How about I take them out on memo? - Memo?
You know, bring them home, see how they look.
If I like them, then I'll buy them.
No. I do not work with memos. I work with money.
You buy them and then you take them home.
Well, what if they don't fit next to the bed?
Then you'll get a new bed.
- Hi, Mrs. Kim. - Lorelai.
- How's business? - People die, go bankrupt.
- There's always furniture to sell. - Sounds good.
- You've come for pictures of Lane? - Yeah.
- Here you are. - Thanks.
I am giving these to you in pristine condition,
and I expect that that is how they will be returned.
Do not cut them up or put glue on the back.
I will do my best.
I will return them in the condition in which they were received.
- See you at the shower. - No, you won't.
- Why? - I'm not going.
Not going to your daughter's baby shower? Why not?
Lane knows why.
- Oh, there's a problem between you two? - Yes.
Do you think you could put it aside for one day?
- No. - It's that big a deal?
- Yes. - Is there anything Lane could say or do
- that would make you change your mind? - Yes.
- Does Lane know what it is? - Yes.
What do I have, like, 14 questions left?
- I have work to do. - Mrs. Kim, I know Lane would
really like you to be at the shower.
Well, life is full of disappointments.
You can show yourself out.
Too late! You cannot buy those tables anymore!
Okay, then.
- Hey! - Hi.
Wow. Sorry, but...
- Wow. - I know.
Everyday I think I can't possibly get any bigger, and then I do.
- It's looking homey in here. - Thanks.
According to my book, I'm nesting. I hope it stops soon.
It's sort of creeping me out.
So, what's up?
Well, I wanted to talk to you about your mom.
- Oh. - What happened with you guys?
- Ask her. - No, no, no. I've already been through that.
- You tell me what happened. - We got in a fight,
and now she says she's not coming to my baby shower.
So, fine. She's not coming. I don't care.
- Lane... - I don't. Why should I? She doesn't.
Of course she does.
Not more than she cares about fried shrimp.
You lost me there.
Well, last night, my mom was over
and Zach had cut out an ad for this seafood festival at Red Lobster
and was trying to figure out if we went there after we had the babies,
could we get the endless shrimp but at the kids' price?
No, you can only get the kids' price when accompanied
by an adult paying full price.
- That blows. - I know.
So, then what happened?
So, then my mom sticks her nosey head in and said,
"The children are not going to be eating fried shrimp."
And I said not only are my children gonna be eating fried shrimp,
they're going to listen to whatever music they want
and go to school dances,
and they're not gonna spend their whole lives in church,
hearing about how doing all that makes them evil.
In fact, they'll probably never set foot in a church at all.
My kids are gonna have total freedom. End of story.
- Total freedom, huh? - Yeah.
Wow, you're just gonna let them follow their passion
- no matter what it is. - Exactly.
What if you get kids who are passionate about religion? I mean,
you may have kids who want to study the Bible.
Trust me, my kids are not gonna wanna study the Bible.
You don't know what your kids are gonna want.
You think your mom thought she was gonna get a kid who
- loved Jane's Addiction? - Well...
You might get kids who are nuts for Exodus.
Crazy for Deuteronomy. And then what?
You want them hiding their Bibles under the floorboards?
Well, look, if my kids
want to go to Bible study, they can go to Bible study.
Well, see, and then, then what about church?
If they want to go to church, you're not gonna let them?
Even at Christmas? When they have the manger, you know,
and the petting zoo with the sheep and the donkeys?
Well, I might take them at Christmas.
Okay, so when you say they're never going to church,
you don't really mean they're never going to church.
Okay. Not never never. But mostly never.
- Can't you tell your mom that? - No way.
Can I tell your mom that?
Okay, if you want,
but tell her I am not bending on the shrimp thing.
Well, I got you there. Fried shrimp,
it's one of the best things on the planet.
A double whammy. Unclean meat fried in unclean oil.
That doesn't sound as good. But look at it this way,
for the first year, your kids probably won't be eating solid food anyway,
and I don't think they make mashed fried shrimp.
- So? - So, you could tell your mother
that your kids will not eat fried shrimp for at least a year, right?
- Well, technically. - Technically is good enough for me.
You sit tight. I'll be back.
It's after 12:00. Is anyone alive in there?
I'm alive, but I think my brain is dead.
- I'll alert the transplant team. - You gave away my organs?
They're waiting on the roof with a cooler.
Take these.
If I do, will I wake up in a bathtub full of ice with no kidneys?
If you did, would you feel better or worse?
About the same.
Your dad's secretary called three times this morning.
- Okay, now I feel worse. - Logan, what's going on?
Nothing.
You're not gonna call your dad back?
My head grew three sizes overnight.
I'm in no condition to talk to anybody. Why are you so dressed up?
Coffee with The New York Times.
The whole reason why I stayed over last night.
Oh, yeah, that's right. That's today.
Yes, and Lane's baby shower.
I'm gonna need you to be ready to leave for Stars Hollow
the second I get back.
We're gonna be cutting it really close.
Lane's shower starts at 4:00, I should be back by 2:00
or 2:30 at the latest. Got it?
Got it.
Okay, I'll just come home, grab my outfit, and we'll go.
I'm gonna need you to drive because I have to change
in the backseat, Dirty Dancing-style.
- Do you want me to get that? - Leave it.
- If you don't want to get up, I can... - I said leave it.
I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
I better go. I don't want to be late.
It's Logan. Leave a message.
Hi, Logan. It's Doris from your father's office again.
If you could just give us a call back here at the office
as soon as you get this message.
I know you have the number, but just in case, it's...
See! Look at it. It's just sitting here, gathering dust and taking up space.
Yeah, if we got rid of the boat, we could turn this place
into a workshop for my jewelry
and I really could use the space. Doula's gonna be crawling around soon,
getting into everything...
And jewelry making's really a dangerous business, Luke.
You got all those tiny beads. Choking hazards galore.
Yeah, babies really like to put stuff in their mouth.
They can't help it. They get mesmerized.
I mean, the little suckers look so much like candy or pistachio nuts.
You just wanna pop them in your mouth.
Yeah. So, as you can see, we could really use this space.
So, you were just gonna sell the boat out from under me?
Of course not.
We just figured we'd take an ad, get an offer,
- see what you'd say. - Yeah, it could be great, huh?
I mean, you get a little extra cash. We get a little extra space.
Plus, we were thinking, maybe you could invest some of the profits from
the boat in Liz's business.
If you felt like it was the right thing to do.
But it does kind of make sense, since we went through all the trouble
of selling the boat and storing it.
Whoa! Doula alert.
Not up yet. Just a squawk.
Look, guys, I appreciate your situation here,
but I'm not selling the boat.
Dad left it to me. It's my boat. End of discussion.
- Luke... - Hey, look, don't worry, all right.
- I'll find another place to store it. - Like where?
I don't know, I'll find a place, another place.
What's the point of hanging onto it? You're never gonna use it.
- I might. - You might, Dad might...
- What are you talking about? - The boat.
Dad spent, like what, 20 years working on the thing?
- You've spent another 20? - So?
So, how many generations are gonna cart this thing around town?
Look, get rid of it for your own sake, before you end up like Dad.
- What does that mean? - Oh, okay. Forget it.
No, I want to know. What does that mean?
- He was stuck, Luke. - He was happy.
He was stuck doing the same thing at the same time,
the same way, every day of his life.
So? He did the things that made him happy.
Dad didn't do stuff 'cause it made him happy.
He did stuff because he was afraid to do anything else.
Come on, that's crap.
Look, I loved Dad as much as you did.
- He was good to us. - Of course he was.
I'm just saying, sometimes a little change can be a good thing.
My boat. My decision. I'm not selling it.
- All right? Fine. - Okay. Okay.
I'll have it out of here by tomorrow.
- Hello? - How bald do you have to be to be bald?
Is this a Zen koan? You know I hate those.
Does it mean completely bald,
or does it count if there's no hair on top and a little on the sides?
Well, in my experience, if a man describes himself as bald,
- there's nary a hair. - Nice use of "nary."
I'm trying to get you in the New York Times mood.
Use some fancy language.
Well, I will remember that if I can ever find the guy.
Who knew New York was the bald-guy capital of the world?
Yeah, I think that's on their license plate.
I'm telling you, they're everywhere,
and since I don't know which one A.J. is
every time one walks in the door, I just smile at him.
And let me guess, they're all smiling back.
What's wrong with me? What kind of reporter am I going to be
if all I got was bald guy?
Oh, relax. He knows what you look like, right?
I just hate this waiting, you know? What should I do?
Should I go order a coffee without him? Should I wait for him?
Order coffee, he won't mind.
Well, I can't, really. I'm at a table.
I don't even know if I should be sitting down already,
but I walked in and it was really crowded,
and this woman left her table, so I grabbed it
and now I'm scared to get up because maybe I'll lose it.
Keep the table, skip the coffee.
- Really? - Yeah, and when he gets there, go decaf.
Yeah, I know. I'm a little nervous.
But it's only because doing well at this meeting
could mean the difference between interviewing world leaders
and standing on street corners
with pictures of celebrities in matching outfits
asking passersby, "Who wore it best?"
Well, pretty high stakes.
I know. Distract me. How's the shower stuff going?
Something's wrong?
No, nothing's wrong.
Oh, I knew it. My second pancake's gonna suck, too.
I've got it all under control.
You just focus on finding the right bald guy.
- Oh, another one just walked in. - Oh, head-to-hair ratio?
Very low.
Standby while I attempt to make eye contact.
Look at it this way, you're making a lot of bald men feel
- very good about themselves today. - I better go.
Knock them dead, kid.
So, you're giving me a guarantee for Christmas and Easter.
As a minimum.
And there will be a possibility of Bible study,
and no unclean meats for at least a year. That's a start, at least.
- So, do we have a deal? - No! I never take first offer.
This is what I want. Attendance at weekly church services,
Bible study twice a week, Adventist summer camp,
no unclean meats or hydrogenated oils.
Christmas will be celebrated with no gifts and there will be no sandboxes
or parties with pony rides.
What's wrong with ponies?
Flies buzzing around, carrying infectious diseases.
All right, no infected ponies. Fine.
But sandboxes? I mean, come on. Kids play. They go to the park.
You have to be reasonable.
It is not reasonable for Lane to think
that she will raise my grandchildren as heathens
while I stand by and do nothing.
I understand, Mrs. Kim. It's a really sensitive subject.
No, you don't. Your daughter doesn't reject everything you stand for.
Lane is not rejecting you. You guys are just different.
God knows, my mother and I had differences.
Yes. God does know.
Look, there are times when you have to put those differences aside.
Like, you know, Joseph from the Bible,
and how his brothers got all mad at him about that dreamcoat?
Yes, and so they sold him into slavery.
Yeah, I don't think that was in the musical.
The point is, there are fights you can recover from,
and fights you can't.
And not going to your daughter's baby shower...
I mean, I know it's hard,
but I don't want you to draw a line in the sand now
that you can't cross later.
My mother missed so much.
I don't want that to happen to you.
- Hello? - Hey.
- Hey, Dad! - How was swim practice?
Drills, drills, drills.
Coach Scott made us swim with our fists closed.
- What does that do? - Probably nothing, just looks funny.
Oh, I did get to work on my backward racing start.
How'd that go?
Not so good. I think I ended up with half the pool up my nose.
- You'll get better. - Can't get much worse.
- So, how's your mom doing? - Good.
Little stressed about the new store.
She likes the space, but she's not sure about the location.
Strip malls bum her out.
- So, what's going on? - Nothing.
You know, business as usual. I saw your cousin Doula today.
She looks good. She's getting bigger.
You promised you'd send me new pictures.
I will, I will.
So, look, I was thinking about
this summer when you come to visit.
- I can't wait. - Yeah, me, too.
So, I was thinking, maybe we should take a trip.
- A trip? - Yeah, a big one, you know.
I mean, you're gonna be here for what, like, six weeks, right?
- So maybe we should just take off. - And go where?
You know, I don't know.
- I was thinking Florida. - Florida?
Yeah, you know, go down to Disney World.
- You want to go to Disney World? - Yeah.
You know, I mean, you've never been there,
I've never been there.
We could fly down to Florida and check out Miami Beach
and then go to Disney World.
I can't imagine you at Disney World or at the beach, for that matter.
- Why... Why not? - I don't know.
Riding roller coasters?
Getting your picture taken with Mickey Mouse?
I'm just having trouble picturing it.
- Yeah, well... - Look, Dad, you don't have to do this.
It's okay. I mean, I'm looking forward to the summer and all,
but it's not like I'm expecting anything.
Oh. No, sure...
I mean, I'm fine just hanging out at the diner like we always do.
Wipe down tables, refill the salt and pepper shakers.
It's our thing. Really.
Honestly. It's fine.
Oh, okay.
Oh, Mom wants to talk to you real quick
about some travel stuff for my spring break.
But don't hang up when you're done,
'cause I want to read you something I wrote.
Oh, yeah?
We had to write a five-page fictional story featuring someone we know as the hero,
and I chose Kirk. It's hilarious.
I'll give you to Mom and I'll get the story.
Okay, great.
Hi.
Can we come in?
Sure. Whatever.
So great!
Okay. Here we go.
- So... - So.
So, what?
Your mother has something she'd like to say to you.
- You say it. - Me?
You'll jump in? Okay.
Lane, your mother realizes that the two of you have differences.
She might not always agree with all of your decisions.
No "might." She doesn't agree.
I know. You've made yourself perfectly clear.
- Lane. - Sorry. Go on.
She doesn't agree with all your decisions,
however, she knows how much you love and respect her.
- Don't you, Lane? - Of course I do.
She'd very much like to come to your shower.
- Really? - Really.
Thank you, Mama!
- Oh! - Lane?
- You okay? - I think so.
What's wrong? Are you going into labor?
I don't know, I've never been in labor before.
Honey, you might have had a contraction.
We'll wait and see if you have another one.
There will be no waiting! You will drive us to the hospital right now.
- Hurry, Lorelai! - Okay.
- Careful, Lane. Wait, I'll get it. - Well, okay.
- Careful. - Okay.
- You got it. Here we go. - All right.
I can't believe I'm on bed rest. This sucks!
Oh, come on, haven't you ever had one of those lazy Sundays
where you stay in bed all day?
Just think of this as one long lazy Sunday.
Yeah, babe. Plus, you get to eat all your meals on trays.
That's pretty cool. And I'm gonna hang out with you.
Just like John and Yoko.
- This is your fault. - Mine?
- See what I deal with? - Lane.
We shouldn't have gone to the hospital.
Better I watch my daughter writhe in pain?
I wasn't writhing. Lorelai, tell her I wasn't writhing.
You know, does it really matter who was or wasn't writhing?
I mean, your mom was worried about you.
Yeah, right. She's probably happy.
- Why would I be happy? - Because now I can't have my party.
Lane van Gerbig, what is wrong with you?
Parties are not the most important thing in life!
- I know. - Do you?
Of course. It's just that this one is my last.
Why is it your last?
I'm about to be a mother.
Mothers can have parties.
Not for themselves. They only do things for their children.
She did everything for me.
I'm gonna be the same way.
You will have the party.
How?
Lorelai will figure something out.
Cool.
- Hello! I'm home. - Hey! How'd it go?
Awesome!
Logan, you're not dressed.
It's 2:30! You were supposed to be dressed and ready!
- I'm dressed. - Not for Lane's shower, come on.
- Get up. Let's go. - Wait, wait. Sit down.
- Tell me how it went. - No, I'll tell you on the way.
- Come on. - Wait, sit down.
I have to tell you something.
Well, that doesn't sound so good.
It's not.
Look, I screwed up, okay? Big time.
What's going on?
The company I bought, the new business I was trying to start, it's a bust.
- What? - We're going belly up because of me.
I lost everybody's money. My money, my dad's money,
all our investors' money, the parking lot attendants' money,
the hot dog vendors' money. I lost money I didn't even know I had.
- Logan, be serious. - I am.
Well, if you are, then back up a step. Explain this to me.
There's nothing to explain.
The second we bought this company,
all these lawsuits came out of the woodwork.
- So? - So, one of them has merit,
which means we're screwed. No money, no jobs, no nothing.
I don't understand. How long have you known about this?
- Weeks. - Weeks?
Why didn't you say something about it to me?
I don't know. I thought maybe I could fix it, you know?
I was looking for loopholes.
Well, you can keep looking. You'll find one.
No, we can't. Look, it's over.
Philip and I got the final call last night from our patent lawyers.
Their case is solid. There's nothing we can do but settle.
I screwed up, okay?
I rushed in, I didn't do my research. It's all my fault.
Well, I'm sure that's not true. I'm sure there's something you can...
Rory, you're not getting this. This is huge.
This isn't something you can fix with a plucky good attitude
and a can-do spirit.
- Well, I'm just trying to help. - I know.
Well, what about your dad? What does he say about all this?
I haven't talked to him.
Logan, you're gonna have to talk to him.
Rory, don't give me any grief about this.
Any minute now, Mitchum is gonna be busting through that door,
chomping at the bit to tell me what a gigantic failure I am.
Oh, God, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry about all this.
I know you are.
Well, you'll get through it.
We'll get through it. I mean, whatever happens,
- we'll figure it out together. - Sure, and I'm sorry about today.
I just can't deal with a baby shower.
No, I know. I get it.
I mean, the minute it's over, I will come back and I'll bring cake.
- No, you don't have to hurry. - I want to.
No, it's cool. Don't worry about it. I'm not gonna be here.
You're going out?
I'm gonna go to Vegas with Colin and Finn.
- What? - Yeah, I just need to blow off some steam
- for a couple days. - With Colin and Finn?
It's perfect timing.
Colin's got his dad's jet all gassed up at Teterboro.
I'm gonna meet him in an hour.
To go to Vegas? With Colin and Finn?
Yeah, Finn bought a racehorse with George Maloof.
How hilarious is that? I'm gonna go take a shower.
Are you kidding me? This is really what you want to do?
I just need a break, okay?
Tell Lane I said congrats.
Word on the street is you want to sell your boat.
I called you, Kirk.
Yeah, but I was on the street when I got that call.
And to be honest with you,
I was a little surprised to hear about this turn of events.
It's not a turn of events, Kirk. I just want to sell my boat.
But you've always been really attached to this boat.
Hell, I thought you'd take it to your grave with you.
Maybe row yourself across the River Styx.
Yeah, well, it turns out I'm not using it. You interested?
It does suit me, and it'd be great for water-skiing.
Lulu loves water-skiing.
She also loves carriage rides. You're not selling a carriage, are you?
Just the boat, Kirk.
- You interested or not? - How much are we talking?
- $600. - I was thinking more around $300.
- Price isn't negotiable. - Okay, $400.
Non-negotiable, $600 price includes everything, Kirk,
even the trailer.
- $590? - $600, Kirk.
$595, and you throw in a life preserver and a captain's hat.
$600, you buy your own captain's hat.
- But you'll throw in a life preserver? - Deal. Just have it out of here ASAP.
Sucker.
Oh, plates and cups right by the food.
Art supplies are over at the onesies table. Thanks.
Hey, Sookie, I forget,
- are these edible or soap? - Soap.
Oh, this is a party favor. Not near the candy pacifiers.
Sugar? What do you think, is it straight?
It looks great and, Patty, how're you doing?
Adorable!
There is nothing cuter than a baby in a onesie.
Except, of course, Anthony Quinn in a onesie.
- I'll take your word for it. - Mom!
Hey, how did it go?
Why did the baby shower get moved to Miss Patty's?
Oh, it's a long story. Now, tell me about the meeting.
It was great. It was so great.
But what's going on here?
Okay, great's not gonna do it. I need big, juicy details.
All right, Lane had contractions,
she went to the hospital, but it was a false alarm,
she's okay, she is on bed rest.
- What? - I know.
But now tell me,
from the moment that the right bald guy smiled at you.
- And walk. - Where are we going?
- How are your shoes? - My shoes?
Good arch support? Good traction? Good.
Slow down! Hold it. Hold it. Too fast.
Mama, I'm fine. Hey, this is fun.
Don't they push a bed through the streets
in the opening credits of The Monkees?
- I'm pretty sure it was a bathtub. - Actually, it was both.
Davy's in the bed, Peter's in the bathtub.
Are you sure? I could have sworn...
Zach, you don't want to go head-to-head with her about Monkees trivia.
You did not come to a full stop, and use your blinkers.
Okay, we're turning around.
- Okay. - Hold on, Lane.
Hold on. Are you ready?
- Yeah. - Here we go.
Hold on tightly.
- Are you all right? - Yeah, I'm good.
- Looking good. You done there, Patty? - I'm done.
- How you doing, hon? - Oh, doing great.
Yeah?
I mean about the whole Christopher thing.
Oh. Fine, you know,
- moving forward. Moving on. - Good.
If you ask me, Gil's the one to beat.
Oh, yeah. I saw him do that whole thing freehand.
He's an amazing man.
As is Kirk.
Don't worry, Lulu. It's the rock star thing.
Dean Martin singing Mambo Italiano. I will never forget it.
Oh, great. I need another one.
Oh, no, no. What are you doing?
Well, I was trying to make a little truck,
but the flatbed kept running around to the back.
Well, no do-overs. So, just turn that into something else.
Yeah. I tried to make Snoopy.
Figured he's easy to draw, and what kid doesn't like Snoopy, right?
Plus, there's the added bonus, he's black and white
and the onesie's already white, so I only gotta add the black.
But it's looking more like a chocolate chip cookie, a big one,
which is okay, 'cause what kid doesn't like a cookie?
What am I supposed to turn this into?
I don't know. A blob?
Make it a bunch of blobs. You know, baby's first Rorschach test.
Oh, yeah, I see a ballerina about to take flight.
I see cheese.
See? Something for everyone.
All right, have fun.
Whoa, this one's homely, man.
Look, it's got Zach's giant ears and Lane's glasses. I feel for that kid.
Gonna have a rough life.
But it will probably help to fuel his music.
You know, you got to feel pain to create the really good stuff.
Yeah, this one's gonna get the chicks,
but that one's gonna be the genius.
You know these aren't what Lane and Zach's kids
are really gonna look like.
It's just one of those computer morphing programs.
Yeah, dude. I have kids. I know how it works.
- Thanks for coming. - You, hello!
What's up, guys?
Hi, everyone.
I don't want to interrupt the fun.
I just wanted to say thank you for coming to this
somewhat unconventional baby shower,
which is actually perfect, because when do Lane and Zach ever do
anything that's conventional?
I've known Lane now for, what has it been,
- 17 years? - Yeah.
And I'm just sick of her, already.
No, actually, I just... I love you and Zach so much
and I just can't wait to meet those boys. So thank you so much for coming.
Keep having fun, and just eat, drink, and keep decorating those onesies.
Thanks, Rory. This party rocks.
Oh, it's all due to my mom, though. I planned, she executed.
Well, you both rock.
Well, how often does a girl's best friend have twins?
- Just the once, let's hope. - Yeah, no kidding.
- You want a drink, babe? - Maybe a lemonade.
- Coming right up. - Seriously, Zach's right.
This party is amazing. Everything you guys did.
Truthfully, I didn't think it was actually gonna happen.
Yes, well, that whole bed rest thing really threw a wrench in.
- Plus the fight. - What fight?
You didn't hear about the fight?
Me and my mom? Classic Kim family grudgefest.
If not for your mom,
we might have gone the way of Pretty Girls Make Graves.
They were so young
and had so many killer albums left in them.
- So, my mom brokered peace? - Hardcore.
Listen. Here's the thing.
My kids are gonna need that, too, you know?
When they're hiding Bibles, and they can't stand me.
So, what I wanted to know is
would you be their Lorelai Gilmore?
- I guess that's the proper term. - Really?
I can't think of anyone who'd be better.
Plus, you already have the name.
- I'd love to, yeah. - Thanks!
- Here. - Hi, Mrs. Kim. What's this?
Open it.
- A doorknob. - Not just any doorknob.
John Adams's doorknob.
You are familiar with our second president, I assume.
- Not personally. - You're making a joke?
- Little one. - That's what I thought.
Anyway, I am glad to be here and I wanted you to know that.
- Hence, the doorknob? - Yes.
- Thank you. - Don't tarnish it or its value will decrease.
Okay.
- Do you have my pictures? - I... I left them at home.
- I'll drop them off tomorrow. - You do that.
- Hey, you guys. - Hey.
- Hey, you, way to go. It's a great party. - It is, right?
I could have used another gift table, though.
- Yeah. Somebody went crazy. - I wouldn't say "crazy."
Wait? That's all from us?
Well, I felt bad.
I'd already promised them all of our old stuff from Martha and Davey,
then I had to renege, you know.
So they get all new stuff, and we have to keep all the crappy hand-me-downs?
- How does that make any sense? - Whose fault is this? Huh?
Nice talking to you. See you later.
- Ahoy, Lorelai. - Yeah, Kirk. What's with the hat?
Oh, this? No big deal. Just bought myself a boat.
- A boat? - Yeah. The S.S. Lirk.
It's a combination of my name and Luke's, since it used to be his boat.
You bought Luke's boat?
Yeah. She needs a little more work before she's seaworthy,
but as soon as she is, I'll take you out.
You can be Ginger to Lulu's Mary Ann.
Let's lock down dates now. When are you free?
- Mom. - Oh, well, we'll figure it out later. Bye.
Perfect timing. You saved me from a three-hour tour of the S.S. Lirk.
- The what? - Kirk bought Luke's old boat.
Does he even have a driver's license?
- I don't think so. - Well, I'm staying out of the water.
Good kid.
Hey, so why didn't you tell me about the whole drama with Mrs. Kim?
Honey, you had your meeting. You were nervous enough already.
Yeah, I was, wasn't I?
Oh, you got the whole brunt of that freak-out. I'm so sorry.
That's okay. So, do you think it went well?
I do. I think it went really well.
I mean, the Reston Fellowship is a long shot.
They only pick four people out of the whole country,
and that's including college seniors and graduate students.
So? You and three other people.
Yeah, but can you imagine it?
I would be an intern at The New York Times.
- I'd be up for bylines. - I can imagine it.
Well, I don't want to get my hopes up,
so I'm just not even going to think about it.
- Can I think about it? - Yes, but not around me.
Deal. So, when is Logan getting here?
- Oh, he's not. - Why?
It's a long story.
I guess there was this huge disaster at his work.
- Oh, no. - Yeah.
I guess the company he bought is being sued,
and he's losing all kinds of money.
Not only his own money, his dad's money. It's awful and he feels awful.
At least that explains why he's acting awful.
What do you mean?
Well, right now, he's on a private jet to Vegas with Colin and Finn.
Got kicked-out-of-Argentina with-the-Bush-twins Colin and Finn?
So sorry. Are you okay?
Yeah. I'm fine. I mean,
I just kind of wish that he'd told me about this earlier, you know.
That I'd known it was going on, maybe I could've helped.
Honey, I don't think there's anything you could've done.
Yeah, I know, but maybe I could've tried, you know.
And now he just took off, which... I get it.
I mean, he needs to blow off some steam,
but I just wish he could've come to the party.
It would've meant so much to me. He could've met everyone.
- I know. - But I'm sure we'll figure it out.
Oh, hey, Lane asked me to be her Lorelai Gilmore to her kids
like you were to her.
Yeah.
Big shoes to fill.
Well, luckily, we have similar feet.
What?
- Nothing. - Come on.
I just think my first pancake turned out pretty darn good.
- Hey, sorry to interrupt. - That's all right.
I was just wondering if we should bring the cake out now
because Lane's got that low-blood-sugar look in her eye.
Oh, yeah. Let's do it.
Seems like yesterday she was taking up three tables at the diner
with those giant books of hers.
Yeah, she was something. Is something.
So, what's this I hear about Kirk buying your boat?
Oh, well, you know, I just realized I was never gonna take that thing out.
I mean, all that time I spent trying to fix it up.
So, I bought a new one.
- When? - Today.
Got the idea in my head a couple of hours ago,
went down to the shipyard in Bridgeport and just did it.
- You just bought a boat. - Yeah, yeah,
and it's even bigger and better than the old one.
I mean, it's got everything.
It's got a little kitchen, a bathroom, even a place to sleep.
- Wow. - Yeah, I'm just gonna keep it
down in the marina, you know.
And then when April comes to visit in the summer,
you know, take it out on little trips.
You know, go away for a few weeks.
- Luke, that sounds really nice. - Right?
God, I can't believe you bought a boat in a day.
It used to take you a week to buy a T-shirt.
Yeah, well. Things change.
I'll see you inside?
All right, everyone. Here comes cake.
Ready, fellows. One, two, three, four.