Gilmore Girls (2000–2007): Season 4, Episode 13 - Nag Hammadi Is Where They Found the Gnostic Gospel - full transcript

COLD, COLD, COLD,
COLD. ICY FEET.

STUPID FROZEN-TUNDRA HOUSE.

HONEY, WHY ARE YOU
SLEEPING IN HERE?

YOUR ROOM IS WAY WARMER.

OK, HERE IS THE
QUESTION FOR TODAY, KIDS,

WHAT THE HELL ARE
THE ESKIMOS THINKING?

I MEAN, YES, THE HOODS ARE
CUTE, BUT IT'S ALWAYS COLD. ALWAYS.

PLUS YOU HAVE TO EAT
FISH FOR BREAKFAST

AND YOU HAVE TO EAT
WHALES AND POLAR BEARS

AND PENGUINS AND SANTA CLAUS.

OK.

COFFEE'S ON. POP-TARTS
ARE POP-TARTING.

IF YOU'RE JUST GONNA LIE THERE,
I'M GONNA HAVE TO SIT HERE.

I'LL HAVE TO MAKE MYSELF VERY
COMFORTABLE ON THE NICE, WARM RORY.

WHY IS IT SO COLD IN HERE?

BUT I WAS SITTING ON YOU.

OH, REALLY? GOOD TRICK.

WELL, IF YOU'RE THERE,
THEN WHO'S THIS?

I DON'T KNOW.

WE'VE GOT A STRANGER
IN OUR HOUSE.

ROBERT DOWNEY,
JR.? OR A MURDERER.

WHO NEEDED A NAP BEFORE
COMMITTING HIS CRIMES?

I THINK THIS BELONGS TO YOU.

SHE MUST HAVE FOLLOWED
ME HOME FROM YALE.

I TOLD HER SHE COULD HANG
OUT THERE THIS WEEKEND.

BUT WHY DO THAT WHEN YOU CAN COME
HERE, WHERE PENGUINS NEED A COAT?

YEAH, WHY IS IT SO COLD IN HERE?

I BROKE THAT STUPID WINDOW
TRYING TO LOCK IT LAST NIGHT.

GET IT FIXED, WOMAN.

I LEFT LUKE A
MESSAGE. HE'LL DO IT.

BEFORE OR AFTER A
RE-ENACTMENT OF ALIVE?

UH-UH, HOPEFULLY BEFORE.

WHY DON'T YOU JUST
CALL A GUY? WHAT GUY?

A WINDOW-FIXING GUY.

LUKE ALWAYS GETS MAD
WHEN I PAY SOMEONE

TO DO SOMETHING HE
COULD DO FOR FREE.

THEN HE LECTURES ME ABOUT IT

EVERY TIME I SEE HIM,
AND IT'S ANNOYING.

"YOU PAID HIM HOW
MUCH TO FIX THE WINDOW?

"WHAT, YOU COULDN'T JUST FIND
SOMEONE TO STEAL YOUR PURSE THAT DAY?

"HEY, WHILE YOU'RE
AT IT, I'VE GOT AN IDEA,

"WHY DON'T YOU GO
DOWN TO A VERSATELLER

"AND LET THEM CHARGE
YOU $5 FOR TAKING

"YOUR OWN MONEY OUT OF THE BANK?

"OR BUY TICKETS AT TICKETMASTER

"AND WIND UP PAYING
MORE IN SERVICE CHARGES

"THAN IT WOULD COST
YOU TO SEE THE BAND?

"OH, HERE'S A GREAT $50
MARKUP ON A BOTTLE OF WINE

THAT WOULD HAVE COST YOU $10 IN
THE SUPERMARKET YOU'RE MISSING."

OH, MY GOD. LUKE IS ANNOYING.

SO...

WHAT?

UM...

I'M JUST WONDERING WHAT
YOU'RE THINKING ABOUT.

I'M THINKING ABOUT NOTHING.

"NOTHING" WOULDN'T HAPPEN
TO WEAR A LEATHER JACKET

AND BE ABLE TO PULL OFF AN
EXTREMELY CONVINCING "ADRIAN"?

WOULD IT? NO, IT WOULDN'T.

YOU THINK HE FROZE TO DEATH?

NO. HE WASN'T SLEEPING HERE.

RIGHT.

I'M SURE LUKE TOOK CARE OF IT.

HEY, DID SOMEBODY
SIT ON ME JUST NOW?

NO. WHY? MY HIP HURTS.

OH, GETTING OLD.

DID ANYONE EVER THINK THAT
MAYBE SYLVIA PLATH WASN'T CRAZY,

SHE WAS JUST COLD?

♪

♪ IF YOU'RE OUT ON THE ROAD ♪

♪ FEELING LONELY, AND SO COLD ♪

♪ ALL YOU HAVE TO
DO IS CALL MY NAME ♪

♪ AND I'LL BE THERE
ON THE NEXT TRAIN ♪

♪ WHERE YOU LEAD,
I WILL FOLLOW ♪

♪ ANYWHERE THAT YOU TELL ME TO ♪

♪ IF YOU NEED, YOU
NEED ME TO BE WITH YOU ♪

♪ I WILL FOLLOW, OH ♪

♪ WHERE YOU LEAD,
I WILL FOLLOW ♪

♪ ANYWHERE THAT YOU TELL ME TO ♪

♪ IF YOU NEED, YOU
NEED ME TO BE WITH YOU ♪

♪ I WILL FOLLOW WHERE YOU LEAD ♪

COME ON, GUYS. PUSH HARDER.

WE NEED MORE STARS
IN THE GAZEBO AREA.

I REPEAT, WE NEED MORE
STARS IN THE GAZEBO AREA.

DO YOU COPY? ROGER.

I 'M SUPPOSED TO
SAY "ROGER," KIRK.

I DON'T THINK SO. COPY. ROGER.

ROGER MEANS "I HEARD YOU,"
KIRK. I'M SUPPOSED TO SAY "ROGER."

NEGATIVE.

I'M IN CHARGE HERE,
AND I SAY ROGER. ROGER.

NO, YOU DON'T.

JUST LET HIM SAY "ROGER," JOE.

IF HE SAYS "ROGER," WHAT
THE HELL AM I SUPPOSED TO SAY?

WHO CARES?

GET OUT OF THE WAY, KIRK.

HOLD ON. ROGER.

THIS CAR'S NOT STOPPIN'.

I AM PLANNING THE
FIRELIGHT FESTIVAL.

TAYLOR LEFT ME IN CHARGE AND I HAVE
TO MAKE SURE EVERYTHING'S PERFECT.

ROGER. MOVE.

SHOULDN'T YOU HAVE A
MARCHING BAND BEHIND YOU?

GO AWAY.

THE BUDWEISER
CLYDESDALES PRANCING ALONG,

ANN JILLIAN WAVING IN THE BACK?

I GOT TO GET MY CAR TO GYPSY'S

SO SHE CAN FIX
IT AND I CAN LEAVE.

SO YOU DECIDED TO PUSH IT THERE.

I DIDN'T HAVE A CHOICE.

GET THAT PIECE OF
JUNK OUT OF MY WAY.

I'M GOING AS FAST
AS I CAN, JERK.

JESS, DO YOU AT ALL
FIND THIS RIDICULOUS?

YES, AS A MATTER OF FACT,
I DO FIND THIS RIDICULOUS.

I FIND IT RIDICULOUS THAT
GYPSY WON'T WALK 20 FEET

TO LOOK AT MY CAR.

HIRE A TOW TRUCK.

IT COSTS $80 TO
HIRE A TOW TRUCK.

OH, COME ON. IT'S LIKE
FREAKING CARNIVALE OUT HERE.

I'LL GIVE YOU $80.

NO.

YOU'RE BLOCKING THE WHOLE
STREET. I DON'T WANT YOUR MONEY.

YOU WANT TO GET OUT
OF HERE, LET ME PAY $80.

I'LL PITCH IN $10!

HOW ABOUT MORE
WALKIE AND LESS TALKIE?

YOU'RE MAKING A
SPECTACLE OF YOURSELF.

GO HOME. YOU WON'T
HAVE TO WATCH.

FINE.

WELL?

STILL LOOKING.

WHAT'S THE MATTER
WITH IT? STILL LOOKING.

YOU'VE BEEN CIRCLING
THAT THING FOR 15 MINUTES.

YOU WAITING FOR IT TO
TELL YOU WHERE IT HURTS?

I'VE SEEN DUMBER THINGS TALK.

JUST TELL ME WHAT'S
WRONG WITH THE CAR.

YOU NEED A CARBURETOR.

SO HOW LONG TILL IT'S FIXED?

NOT SURE.

IT HAS TO BE TODAY.

I HAVE TO GET OUT OF THIS
HALF-MILE 4-BLOCK FREAK HOLE

OF A MEDICAL EXPERIMENT.

YOU ARE DELIGHTFUL.

I'LL HAVE YOU OUT
OF HERE TONIGHT.

GO AWAY AND COME
BACK AT CLOSING. FINE.

BRING A LOT OF MONEY, BECAUSE
I'M GOING TO OVERCHARGE YOU

LIKE YOU'VE NEVER BEEN
OVERCHARGED BEFORE.

I BET YOU SAY THAT
TO ALL THE GUYS.

ON SECOND THOUGHT, MAYBE
I'M CLOSING EARLY TONIGHT.

I'M GOING.

THAT'S NOT HER.

WHAT?

SHE CUT HER HAIR.

DON'T KNOW WHAT
YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT.

OK. MY MISTAKE.

OK. NOW HOLD IT.

OK. HOW DOES IT LOOK?

FESTIVE AND FEMME!

YES, AND COMPLETELY INEFFECTIVE.

MAYBE IT JUST NEEDS
ANOTHER LAYER.

YES, OF GLASS.

NICE. SOMETHING TO PROTECT
US FROM FREEZER BURN.

COME OVER HERE AND HELP US.

I'M NOT GONNA HELP YOU
BARBIE BAND-AID OUR WINDOW.

I WILL, HOWEVER,
HELP YOU TO CALL

ONE OF THE MANY EXTREMELY
QUALIFIED WINDOW REPAIRMEN

I'VE CIRCLED FOR YOU
IN THE PHONE BOOK.

IF WE FIX THE WINDOW BEFORE LUKE
COMES OVER, HE'LL HAVE HIS FEELINGS HURT.

DO YOU WANT THAT? PHONE
BOOK'S ON THE KITCHEN TABLE.

WHERE ARE YOU GOING? I'M GOING
TO TAKE A WALK, GET A DANISH,

HIT THE BOOKSTORE, AND
I'LL BE BACK FOR LUNCH.

OK. MAYBE IF WE ADD
A LAYER OF TINFOIL.

THE PROFESSIONAL WINDOW
GUYS ARE DRIVING BY,

POINTING AND LAUGHING. JUST
THOUGHT YOU SHOULD KNOW.

THANK YOU.

SO, LISTEN, I HAVE SOME
ERRANDS TO RUN TODAY.

YOU NEED ANYTHING?

NO, I'M FINE.

OK. I'LL PROBABLY BE
HEADING DOWN ELM.

WOW, THAT'S A GOOD STREET.

YES, IT IS.

IF THERE'S ANYTHING YOU
WANT ME TO DO ON ELM,

OR ANYONE YOU WANTED
ME TO SEE, I COULD.

THAT'S OK.

HAS SHE SAID ANYTHING TO YOU?

NO, BUT SHE'S WANTED TO.

HOW CAN YOU TELL?

LET'S JUST SAY IT'S A MOM THING.

YEAH.

OK, MAYBE TOMORROW, THEN.

HELLO?

IT'S A COMPLETE
DISASTER. MY EXISTENCE?

NOT EVERYTHING IS ABOUT
YOU, LORELAI. OH, SORRY.

THE RARE MANUSCRIPT
ACQUISITION FUNDRAISER IS TONIGHT

AND WE STILL HAVEN'T FILLED
OUR TABLE. I'M 4 PEOPLE SHORT.

THE BURLES ARE VISITING THEIR
DAUGHTER IN NEW HAMPSHIRE.

THEN THEY CAN JUST GO
STRAIGHT TO HELL, CAN'T THEY?

MOM, I ALREADY SAID I'D GO.

BUT WE STILL HAVE
A HALF-EMPTY TABLE.

WELL, FEWER PEOPLE TO
FIGHT OVER THE CENTERPIECE.

STOP IT. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.

THE LAST PERSON WHO DIDN'T FILL
HER TABLE WAS LORETTA BOBBINS.

YOU REMEMBER LORETTA BOBBINS?

NO. EXACTLY.

ONCE YOU DON'T FILL A TABLE, YOU
DON'T GET ANOTHER TABLE TO FILL.

YOU ARE OFF THE LIST. MOM,
THAT'S NOT GONNA HAPPEN TO YOU.

YOU SAID YOU WOULD
COME. I AM COMING.

AND YOU'RE BRINGING SOMEONE.

I NEVER SAID I WAS BRINGING
SOMEONE. I'M TELLING YOU TO NOW.

MOM, IT'S TONIGHT.

I NEED YOU TO BRING
SOMEONE, LORELAI.

LORETTA BOBBINS, LORELAI!

ALL RIGHT, THE DARTMORES ARE
TRYING TO CHANGE BETTY'S VIEWING.

THEY'LL CALL BACK IN A MINUTE.

THEY OWE US, RICHARD.
REMIND THEM THAT THEY OWE US.

ALL RIGHT, I'LL SEE YOU
TONIGHT AT 6:00 SHARP,

AND DON'T WEAR THOSE PANTYHOSE
WITH THE SEAMS UP THE BACK.

YOU LOOK LIKE 10 CENTS A DANCE.

RICHARD, I NEED A GIMLET!

AFTER WE LIGHT THE BONFIRE,

THE DANCERS SHOULD COME THROUGH.

OK, KIRK.

THEY'LL CIRCLE THE GAZEBO,

JAZZ HANDS, JAZZ
HANDS, JAZZ HANDS,

THEN OUT COME
THE FLAMING BATONS.

THAT SOUNDS GOOD, KIRK.

ARE YOU IGNORING ME?

SINCE YOU WERE OLD
ENOUGH TO WALK, KIRK.

WHAT DO YOU THINK?
I THINK IT'S GOOD.

IS THERE TOO MUCH TURQUOISE?

ARE YOU KIDDING?
TURQUOISE IS TIMELESS.

WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

LUKE, YOU REMEMBER
MY FRIEND CARRIE, RIGHT?

OH, YEAH. HI, CARRIE.

HI, BUTCH. GOOD TO SEE YOU.

BEEN UNDER ANY BLEACHERS LATELY?

UH, NO, I HAVEN'T. WHAT IS THAT?

IT'S AN EARRING TREE.

AND WHAT IS IT FOR?

YOU HANG EARRINGS ON IT.

AND WHAT IS IT DOING HERE?

I THOUGHT I'D PUT SOME OF
MY EARRINGS OUT, YOU KNOW,

SEE IF I COULD SELL SOME TO THE
GOOD PEOPLE OF STARS HOLLOW.

NO. WHY?

THEY'RE CUTE. THIS IS A DINER.

PEOPLE COME HERE
TO EAT, NOT SHOP.

BUT NOW THEY CAN DO BOTH. UH-UH.

UH, LIZ, CAN I TALK TO
YOU FOR A MOMENT?

HEY, LIZ, YOU WANT ME TO
NEGOTIATE WITH HIM FOR YOU?

NO, SHE DOESN'T, CARRIE.
THANKS FOR THE OFFER. LIZ, PLEASE.

SURE, MY BROTHER.

WHY ARE YOU SO
STRESSED ABOUT THIS?

DO YOU REMEMBER WHEN
YOU DECIDED TO MAKE

THOSE CERAMIC POTS
WITHOUT A KILN? YES. YES.

HOW DID THAT GO? PRETTY BAD

YOU WERE DEPRESSED FOR A
MONTH. YOU CUT ALL YOUR HAIR.

YOU THREW OUT ALL YOUR CLOTHES.

I REMEMBER THE BAD TIMES.

YOU PUT THOSE EARRINGS OUT ON
MY COUNTER, AND NOBODY BUYS THEM...

THEY SELL GREAT AT THE FAIRS.

I'M SURE THEY DO, BUT THIS IS NOT A
RENAISSANCE FAIRE. LOOK AROUND.

EVERYBODY HERE HAS A LIFE,
AND NO ONE'S GONNA BUY THEM.

PLEASE JUST...

LOOK AT THIS. THESE ARE SO CUTE.

LUKE, ARE YOU SELLING THESE?

HE SURE IS.

WELL, I'LL TAKE THEM.

EXCUSE ME. I WANTED THOSE.

TURQUOISE? WITH YOUR COMPLEXION?

THEY'RE FOR LULU.
SHE'S A SWEETHEART.

DOES SHE HAVE PIERCED EARS?

UM, I CAN CHECK.

JOE, HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED
MY GIRLFRIEND'S LOBES?

WHAT?

OK, THANK YOU BOTH FOR
THE SHOW OF SUPPORT.

IT'S VERY KIND, BUT YOU
DON'T HAVE TO DO THIS.

DO WHAT?

PRETEND LIKE YOU LIKE
'EM 'CAUSE LIZ MADE THEM.

WHO'S PRETENDING?
YEAH, THEY'RE PHAT.

THEY'RE GONNA FALL
APART. NO, THEY'RE NOT.

THEY'LL MAKE PEOPLE'S EARS GREEN

AND SEND 'EM TO THE HOSPITAL.

YOU CANNOT DESIGN
MY AD CAMPAIGN. LIZ...

YOU NEED TO NAP, JACK.

I'M COOL, THEY'RE COOL,
EVERYBODY'S COOL.

STOP, KIRK.

OUCH, SHE SLAPPED ME.
WHO SAW HER SLAP ME?

OK. RELAX, YOU TWO.

I CAN MAKE YOU
WHATEVER YOU WANT.

I WANT THESE IN FUCHSIA
PINK, I WANT THESE IN PURPLE.

HI. I'D LIKE A LARGE COFFEE
AND A CHERRY DANISH, PLEASE.

I'M LEAVING.

A LITTLE FARTHER BACK. ROGER.

WHAT?

IT'S GOT TO GO BACK
FARTHER. ROGER.

I CAN'T HEAR YOU.

SPEAK INTO YOUR
WALKIE-TALKIE. ROGER.

KIRK, WHAT ARE YOU SAYING?

SPEAK INTO YOUR...

SPEAK INTO YOUR
WALKIE-TALKIE! ROGER.

I LOST MY WALKIE-TALKIE.
I TOLD YOU THAT.

WELL, THAT'S YOUR
OWN FAULT. ROGER.

HEY, LUKE. HEY.

LUKE, HOLD ON. PLEASE, I
KNOW YOU OWE US NOTHING,

BUT OUR DEAD FROZEN CARCASSES
MAY SOMEDAY HAUNT YOU

IN YOUR OLD AGE. OR NOT,
BECAUSE YOU DON'T KNOW WHO I AM.

HI. SORRY. I THOUGHT
YOU WERE LUKE.

I KNEW I SHOULD'VE
PUT ON SOME LIPSTICK.

NO, I JUST SAW THE TRUCK.

OH, I BORROWED THE TRUCK.

RIGHT. HE KNOWS.

I'M SURE HE DOES.

I'M LIZ, LUKE'S SISTER.

OH, LUKE'S SISTER. YEAH.

I... I... I... I KNEW
YOU WERE HERE.

HI, I'M LORELAI. SO
IS LUKE IN THE DINER?

HE JUST STEPPED OUT FOR A
SECOND. YOU NEED HIM FOR SOMETHING?

I JUST NEED TO
TELL HIM SOMETHING.

YOU WANT ME TO
GIVE HIM A MESSAGE?

SURE. YEAH.

UM, TELL HIM LORELAI WANTED TO
GENTLY REMIND HIM ABOUT THE WINDOW.

I'LL BE HOME TILL 5:30, AND
TELL HIM I LOOKED COLD.

OH, YOU'RE THE WIFE.

THE WIFE?

YEAH, I KNEW HE GOT MARRIED,

BUT I HADN'T SEEN
THE FACE YET. SO...

OH, WOW. IT'S GOOD TO MEET YOU.

NO. NO. NO. I'M,
I'M NOT THE WIFE.

I'M THE FRIEND AND THE
CUSTOMER, I'M NOT THE WIFE.

OH, SORRY. YOU LOOK
LIKE HIS TYPE, SO...

NO. NO. NO. NOT HIS TYPE.

OR HIS WIFE.

JUST HIS FRIEND
AND HIS CUSTOMER.

WELL, IT'S STILL
GOOD TO MEET YOU.

YOU, TOO. LUKE'S TOLD
ME A LOT ABOUT YOU.

YEAH, LIKE WHAT?

OH, LIKE YOU'RE HIS SISTER.

HE ADMITS IT?

AND... AND THAT, YOU KNOW,
YOU'RE HERE VISITING HIM

AND HOW HAPPY HE IS THAT
YOU'RE... YOU'RE HERE VISITING HIM.

HE DID NOT SAY
THAT. I THINK HE DID.

HE'S PROBABLY NOT
TOO THRILLED I'M HERE.

I'M KIND OF A PAIN IN HIS ASS.

WELL, AREN'T WE ALL?

YEAH, BUT I'M SPECIAL.

I KIND OF SCREW UP A LOT,
AND THEN HE HAS TO FIX IT

AND THEN WE FIGHT, AND
THEN I SCREW UP AGAIN

AND HE FIXES IT. IT'S A PATTERN.

WELL, LUKE LIKES HIS ROUTINE.

HE'S PRETTY AMAZING, THOUGH.

NO MATTER HOW MUCH I SCREW
UP, HE JUST KEEPS FIXING IT.

I NEED MONEY, HE GIVES ME MONEY.

NO PLACE TO LIVE, LUKE
FINDS AN APARTMENT.

EVEN MY KID, WHEN I WAS
HAVING TROUBLE WITH HIM...

DID YOU EVER MEET JESS?

OH, YEAH, I DID.

I TELL YOU, HE WAS
HELL ON WHEELS.

I COULDN'T DO A THING WITH HIM.

I DIDN'T KNOW WHAT TO DO, SO...

LUKE FIXED IT?

HE TRIED. HE WASN'T
ENTIRELY SUCCESSFUL.

I DON'T KNOW.

MAYBE IF I'D HAVE SENT
JESS TO HIM A LITTLE SOONER...

YEAH, ANYHOW, LUKE
DID WHAT HE COULD.

HE ALWAYS DOES.

HE'S LIKE MY HERO, YOU KNOW.

LIKE ONE OF THOSE GREEK
GODS WITH THE GOLDEN HELMETS

AND THE SHIELDS AND THE SANDALS.

AND THE LITTLE
WHITE TOGA DRESSES.

I SOUND SILLY.

NO, YOU DON'T.

TAKE IT FROM SOMEONE WHO
HAS RUN TO LUKE MANY A TIME,

HE'S DEFINITELY ONE
OF THE GOOD ONES,

MAYBE THE GOOD ONE.

YEAH. I MISS HIM. I'VE EVEN BEEN
THINKING ABOUT MOVING BACK HERE.

TO STARS HOLLOW?

MAYBE. I'VE DISCUSSED
IT WITH MY BOYFRIEND.

I'M NOT SURE HOW
LUKE WOULD LIKE IT,

BUT I SURE WOULD.

ANYWAY, I SHOULD GET GOING.

SURE.

IT WAS NICE TO MEET YOU,
FRIEND AND CUSTOMER, NOT WIFE.

NICE TO MEET YOU, TOO.

I'LL BE SURE AND GIVE
HIM YOUR MESSAGE.

DON'T FORGET. HUMAN POPSICLE.

I HAVE TO TELL YOU,
THIS IS A REAL TREAT,

HAVING YOU TWO GIRLS OVER
LIKE THIS SPUR-OF-THE-MOMENT.

I DON'T KNOW WHAT I DID
TO GET SO DAMN LUCKY.

WELL, WE JUST REALIZED WE
HADN'T SEEN YOU VERY MUCH LATELY,

AND WE THOUGHT, "TODAY'S THE
PERFECT DAY TO CATCH UP WITH BABBETTE."

OH, YEAH. PERFECT DAY.

WELL, I AM TICKLED PINK.
HERE YOU GO. HOT COCOA.

THANKS, BABBETTE.

AH, WE DON'T DESERVE
SUCH TREATMENT.

OH, OF COURSE YOU DO,

2 YOUNG HOTSY-TOTSIES
LIKE YOURSELF

HANGING OUT WITH
AN OLD BROAD LIKE ME.

YOU DESERVE A LOT BETTER.

SO YOU KIDS GOING TO THE
FIRELIGHT FESTIVAL TONIGHT?

YOU BET. WE'RE GONNA BE LATE

BECAUSE WE HAVE
TO MAKE A PIT STOP

FOR ONE OF MY
MOTHER'S CHARITY EVENTS.

OOH, SOUNDS RITZY.
LIKE THE CRACKER.

WELL, THE FESTIVAL
SHOULD BE QUITE A SHINDIG.

JUST WATCHING KIRK TRY
AND GET THOSE STARS HUNG

WAS WORTH THE
PRICE OF ADMISSION.

YOU KNOW, HE INSISTED ON
DEMONSTRATING THE CORRECT WAY

TO HANG THEM, AND TREED HIMSELF.

IT TOOK THE FIRE DEPARTMENT
AND 2 CANS OF TUNA

TO GET HIM DOWN.

I HATE THAT I MISSED THAT.

PLUS THE WHOLE TOWN IS
BUZZING ABOUT JESS COMING BACK.

STUPID LITTLE PISHER

TRYING TO SNEAK OUT OF
TOWN WITHOUT ANYONE KNOWING.

THIS TOWN? WHAT, IS HE KIDDING?

OH, I'M SO SORRY, SUGAR.

HERE I AM GOING ON
AND ON ABOUT JESS.

IT'S FINE, BABBETTE. I'M FINE.

SHE'S FINE. YOU SURE?

YES, I'M SURE. SHE'S FINE.

I SAW HIM.

WHO? JESS.

WHEN? WHERE?

TODAY, AT WESTON'S.
HE WENT INTO WESTON'S?

THAT LITTLE BASTARD.
WHAT HAPPENED?

I WENT IN, HE SAW
ME, AND HE LEFT.

NO. HE SAID NOTHING?

NO, HE SAID SOMETHING.
HE SAID, "I'M LEAVING."

WAY TO STATE THE OBVIOUS.

IT WAS SO WEIRD. I MEAN,

HE'S THE ONE WHO LEFT TOWN,
HE'S THE ONE WHO DIDN'T CALL

AND NOW HE JUST GETS UP
AND WALKS OUT LIKE HE'S MAD.

WHAT DOES HE HAVE TO
BE MAD ABOUT? EXACTLY.

I SHOULD BE MAD. IT'S MY TOWN.

I SHOULD BE THE ONE
TO WALK OUT IN A HUFF.

YOU STILL STUCK ON HIM, HONEY?

NO, I'M NOT.

I JUST WASN'T EXPECTING
HIM TO COME BACK, THAT'S ALL.

HE'LL BE GONE SOON.

YEAH, I KNOW.
HE'LL BE GONE SOON.

OH, MY GOD. I FORGOT
THE MARSHMALLOWS.

HE'LL BE GONE SOON.

MAYDAY. MAYDAY.

THE MORRISEY KIDS HAVE STOLEN
THE BONFIRE AGAIN. I REPEAT,

THE MORRISEY KIDS HAVE
STOLEN THE BONFIRE AGAIN.

CAESAR, I'M BACK.

WHAT DID YOU BURN?

LIZ, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

I JUST NEEDED SOME THINGS.

STEAKS? YOU NEEDED STEAKS?

I'M MAKING DINNER UPSTAIRS,
AND YOU DON'T HAVE ANYTHING.

THEN GO TO A STORE. COME ON.

COUPLE OF STEAKS,
WHAT'S THE BIG DEAL?

THE BIG DEAL IS I RUN A DINER.

I SELL FOOD. IT'S
HOW I MAKE MY LIVING.

IT'S HOW I CAN AFFORD ALL THIS.

YOU CAN SPARE A
COUPLE OF THINGS.

HOW DO YOU KNOW WHAT I
CAN SPARE? THAT'S A WHOLE PIE.

IT'S PEACH. NOBODY
EATS THE PEACH.

A LOT OF PEOPLE EAT THE PEACH.

I'LL BUY A PIE TOMORROW.

TONIGHT I'M MAKING
A FEAST FOR MY GUYS.

YOUR GUYS? WHO ARE YOUR GUYS?

YOU AND T.J.

T.J.?

YEP. YOU'RE REALLY
GONNA LIKE HIM.

HE'S UPSTAIRS
WAITING FOR US, AND...

UPSTAIRS IN MY APARTMENT?

YOU LEFT SOME GUY NAMED T.J.
ALONE IN MY APARTMENT? OH, LIZ.

I'VE BEEN GONE 20 SECONDS.

THAT'S ALL IT TAKES.

TO DO WHAT, STEAL THE
SINGING "BE HAPPY" BASS?

THAT IS MY SINGING
"BE HAPPY" BASS

AND IT HAD BETTER STILL BE UP
THERE, INCLUDING THE BATTERIES.

HEY, I THOUGHT I'D MAKE CHILI.

YOU ARE NOT LIZ.

ALREADY SMARTER
THAN THE LAST GUY.

HI, BABY. HA.

LOOK WHAT I FOUND DOWNSTAIRS.

YOU MUST BE LUKE.

I THINK SHE'S TALKING
ABOUT THE STEAKS.

I WAS NOT TALKING
ABOUT THE STEAKS.

THIS IS MY "HIM."

THIS IS MY GUY. THIS IS T.J.

GUESS WHAT IT STANDS FOR? WHAT?

T.J. GUESS WHAT IT
STANDS FOR? I DON'T KNOW.

JUST GUESS. I CAN'T.

COME ON.

THOMAS JEFFERSON.

NO. THOMAS JEFFERSON.

WOW, THAT'S A WEIRD GUESS.

OK, YOU KNOW, I GOT
TO GO BACK TO WORK.

OH, NO, COME ON.
CAESAR'S THERE. SIT DOWN.

YOU WANT A BEER?

YOU MEAN, ONE OF MY BEERS
OUT OF MY FRIDGE? SURE. WHY NOT?

COMING RIGHT UP.

OH, I'M SO EXCITED.

MY TWO FAVORITE GUYS ARE
WITH ME, DRINKING, TALKING.

AND SOON THERE WILL BE CHILI.

I FORGOT SOMETHING.

OH, MY GOD. THIS IS
FREAKY. IT'S LIKE FATE.

JESS DID NOT KNOW WE WERE HERE.

I HAD NO IDEA THAT
JESS WOULD COME BY,

AND NOW LOOK AT US TOGETHER.

ALL THE MEN IN MY LIFE
ARE DRAWN HERE TO ME.

THIS IS POSITIVE. THIS
MEANS SOMETHING.

DO YOU FEEL IT?

I SURE DO.

BABY, THIS IS MY
KID. THIS IS JESS.

JESS, THIS IS T.J.

GUESS WHAT IT STANDS FOR.

NO.

OH, YOU'LL STAY FOR DINNER?

I GOT TO GO CHECK ON MY CAR.

COME ON, WE'RE MAKING A
TON OF FOOD. THERE'S BEER.

MY BEER. I'M NOT HUNGRY.

OH, PLEASE. STAY
FOR A LITTLE WHILE.

I THINK YOU GUYS ARE REALLY
GONNA GET ALONG GREAT.

T.J.'S REALLY ENJOYING STARS
HOLLOW, AREN'T YOU, BABY?

OH, YEAH. THIS PLACE IS GREAT.

IT REMINDS ME OF NEW YORK.

HOW?

YOU KNOW...

NEITHER ONE IS IN SPACE.

NO, THAT'S NOT IT.

OF COURSE NOT.

THERE'S AN ENERGY, RIGHT?

THERE IS. I FEEL IT. A
VERY SIMILAR ENERGY.

LIZ SHOWED ME YOUR OLD HOUSE
AND YOUR... AND YOUR SCHOOL.

LIKE THE PICTURE OF
YOU IN THE SHORTS.

MY BROTHER WAS VERY
BIG IN ATHLETICS IN HIS DAY.

AND THE LADIES LOVED HIM.

ASK CARRIE. THEY
WENT OUT. OH, YEAH?

CRAZY CARRIE AND
I DID NOT GO OUT.

THEY JUST MADE OUT.

WE DID NOT MAKE OUT.
WE DID NOT GO OUT.

WE DID NOTHING THAT
INVOLVED THE WORD "OUT."

I THINK HE'S STILL
HUNG UP ON HER.

A LIGHTNING BOLT, PLEASE.

I GOT TO GO.

OH, OK, BUT COME BACK
AFTER YOU CHECKED YOUR CAR.

WE'LL SAVE YOU SOME FOOD.

YOU LOOK GOOD, HANDSOME.

IF I WAS A GIRL, I WOULDN'T
KICK HIM OUT OF BED.

COME BACK, OK? OK.

YEAH, IF YOU DO, I'LL DRAW YOUR
PORTRAIT ON MY ETCH-A-SKETCH.

YOU CAN'T MISS THAT.

WE'LL SEE.

HEY, UH, JESS, WAIT A SEC.

SO, WOW. YEP.

IF I COULD PICK ANYONE IN THE
WORLD FOR MY SISTER TO BE WITH,

THAT GUY'D DEFINITELY
BE HIS CAB DRIVER.

I DON'T KNOW. HE HAD A CERTAIN
SOMETHING. YEAH, LACK OF CHROMOSOMES.

THAT SOUNDS RIGHT.
SO WHAT'LL WE DO?

ABOUT WHAT? ABOUT
THAT. THEM. HIM.

NOTHING. WHERE ARE YOU GOING?

TO CHECK ON MY CAR.

JESS, DON'T YOU THINK
WE SHOULD DISCUSS THIS?

DISCUSS WHAT?

T.J.! I THOUGHT WE JUST DID.

WE DIDN'T COME UP WITH A
SOLUTION. A SOLUTION TO WHAT?

ARE WE HAVING THE
SAME CONVERSATION?

A SOLUTION TO HIM.

A SOLUTION WOULD HAVE
BEEN BIRTH CONTROL.

TOO LATE, MOVE ON.

JESS, WE HAVE TO DO
SOMETHING ABOUT THIS.

LIKE WHAT?

I DON'T KNOW. WE HAVE TO
SAY SOMETHING. LIKE WHAT?

HE'S A GROWN MAN
WITH AN ETCH-A-SKETCH.

SO SHAKE HIM REAL HARD.
MAYBE HE'LL DISAPPEAR.

COME ON, WHAT,
YOU LIKE THIS GUY?

OF COURSE I DON'T LIKE THIS
GUY. I DON'T LIKE ANY OF THE GUYS.

BUT SHE'S GONNA DO
WHAT SHE'S GONNA DO.

NO, I DO NOT ACCEPT THAT.

WE CAN GO TO LIZ
TOGETHER. WE CAN TELL HER.

SHE DOES NOT CARE WHAT WE THINK.

SHE REALLY DOESN'T
CARE WHAT I THINK.

I'VE GOT 19 YEARS OF
PROOF TO BACK ME UP.

YES, SHE DOES. YOU JUST HAVE
TO FIND THE RIGHT ANGLE WITH LIZ.

CAN I GO, PLEASE?

NO, YOU CAN'T GO.
WE HAVE TO FIX THIS.

I CANNOT WATCH HER
THROW HER LIFE AWAY AGAIN

WITH A LOSER, AGAIN.

YOU SEE, THIS IS YOUR PROBLEM.

YOU'RE GONNA HELP PEOPLE
WHETHER THEY WANT IT OR NOT.

YOU HAVE TO FIX EVERYTHING.

YOU HAVE TO FIX EVERYONE.

YOU THINK IT MAKES
YOU A GOOD GUY,

BUT, REALLY, IT JUST
MAKES YOU A PAIN IN THE ASS.

YOU MAKE IT SO THAT
WHEN PEOPLE FAIL YOU,

YOU GET TO FEEL LIKE THE MARTYR

AND THEY GET TO FEEL LIKE
NOT ONLY DID THEY SCREW UP,

BUT THEY ALSO DISAPPOINTED YOU.

YOU INTERFERE, AND YOU
MAKE EVERYTHING WORSE.

NO ONE IS ASKING FOR YOUR HELP.

NO ONE WANTS YOUR HELP.

FOCUS ON YOUR OWN LIFE AND
LEAVE EVERYONE ELSE ALONE.

GIVE IT BACK. GIVE
IT BACK. I MEAN IT.

I'M IN CHARGE HERE,
GUYS. COME ON!

I NEED THAT! THIS
IS TOTALLY UNFAIR.

HEY, ANDREW.

TRACK THESE DOWN FOR
ME? THEY'RE ALL OUT OF PRINT.

YOU GOT IT.

THANKS.

OH, DAMN IT.

HELLO?

OH, LUKE.

OH, YEAH, HEY.

HOW DID YOU GET IN HERE?

YOU LEFT YOUR
BEDROOM WINDOW OPEN.

MY BEDROOM WINDOW IS ON
THE 2ND FLOOR. WHAT DID YOU DO?

WELL, I PROMISED
TO FIX YOUR WINDOW,

SO I'M HERE TO FIX YOUR WINDOW.

OH, MY GOD. YOU CUT YOURSELF.

GLASS WAS BROKEN.

HENCE THE NEED FOR FIXING.

I'M SORRY. ARE YOU DRUNK?

I AM NOT DRUNK. I
DO NOT GET DRUNK.

I HAD SOME BEER. BEERS.

MORE THAN ONE. A FEW.

AND THEN I CAME HERE,
AND I CLIMBED YOUR TREE.

WELL, GOOD THINKING.

AND THEN I FELL
OUT OF YOUR TREE.

HMM. SIT DOWN.

I LANDED FLAT ON MY
BACK. I FELT LIKE KIRK.

HOLD YOUR HAND UP IN THE AIR.

AND THEN I CLIMBED
BACK UP THE TREE.

THIS TIME I MADE IT. I GOT IN.

SORRY ABOUT THE LAMP.

YOU KNOW, LUKE, YOU COULD
HAVE BROKEN YOUR NECK.

WELL, IT WOULD HAVE
BEEN ALL RIGHT IF I HAD.

I WOULD HAVE FIXED IT,
BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I DO.

I FIX THINGS, EVEN WHEN
THEY DON'T WANT TO BE FIXED.

LET ME SEE YOUR HAND.

WHY?

BECAUSE IT'S BLEEDING
AND I NEED TO LOOK AT IT.

EW. GROSS.

IT'S FINE. LEAVE IT.

I CAN'T LEAVE IT. IT'S CUT.

THAT'S MY WRIST.

OH, SORRY.

YOU'RE VERY GOOD AT THIS.

I DON'T LIKE BLOOD, OK?

THEN LEAVE IT ALONE.

NO, I CAN'T LEAVE IT. THERE.

YOU WANT TO TELL
ME WHAT HAPPENED?

NOTHIN'.

WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

I'M GONNA FIX THE WINDOW.

FORGET THE WINDOW.

I CAN'T FORGET THE WINDOW.

I MADE A PROMISE, AND
I AM THE RELIABLE GUY

WHO HELPS EVERYBODY OUT
WHETHER THEY LIKE IT OR NOT.

WHAT?

YEAH. NOTHING I CAN DO
ABOUT IT, JUST THE WAY I AM.

IT IS MY BIG PROBLEM.

DIDN'T KNOW IT WAS MY
BIG PROBLEM TILL TODAY,

BUT NOW I KNOW. IT
IS MY BIG PROBLEM.

GOT A HANDFUL OF BARBIE.

LUKE, WHAT HAPPENED TODAY?

TODAY I FOUND OUT WHAT
A BIG, DUMB, IDIOT GUY I AM.

JUST AN IMPOSING,
JUDGMENTAL KNOW-IT-ALL

WHO BLOWS AROUND,
YELLING AND COMPLAINING

AND SCREWING UP
EVERYBODY ELSE'S LIFE.

I HARDLY THINK...

I'M DUMB, YOU KNOW.

NOT LIKE JESS. JESS IS SMART.

YOU KNOW, HE DOESN'T CARE
ABOUT ANYBODY ELSE'S LIFE.

HE JUST TAKES CARE OF HIMSELF.

DID YOU AND JESS HAVE A THING?

HE INFORMED ME THAT I AM NOTHING

BUT AN UNWELCOME BURDEN
TO EVERYONE AROUND ME.

LUKE, THAT'S NOT TRUE.

YES, IT IS.

LUKE, STOP IT.

LIZ WAS JUST SAYING
TODAY HOW GRATEFUL SHE IS

TO HAVE YOU AS HER BROTHER,
AND HOW MUCH SHE LOOKS UP TO YOU.

YOU TALKED TO LIZ?

I THOUGHT SHE WAS YOU.

I'M A MAN.

SHE WAS IN YOUR TRUCK.

WHEN I'M IN MY
TRUCK, I AM STILL A MAN.

I COULDN'T SEE WHO
WAS DRIVING, OK?

I RAN OVER TO THE TRUCK, WE
MET, AND WE STARTED TALKING.

YOU SHOULDN'T
HAVE TALKED TO LIZ.

SHE WORSHIPS YOU.

SHE SAID SHE EVEN WANTS
TO MOVE TO STARS HOLLOW

SO SHE CAN BE CLOSER TO YOU.

SHE DIDN'T SAY THAT.

SHE DID SAY THAT.

JESS IS AN UNHAPPY
KID, LUKE. HE'S ANGRY.

HE DOESN'T MEAN
THE THINGS HE SAYS.

HE DID ME A FAVOR.

LISTEN, WHY DON'T
YOU HANG OUT HERE,

REST FOR A LITTLE WHILE, OK?

I'LL GO GET YOU A REAL BANDAGE.

I LIKE THE BARBIE ONES.

YES, HONEY, BUT THE
OTHER KIDS WILL BEAT YOU UP

IF THEY SEE YOU
WITH ONE OF THOSE.

I'LL BE RIGHT BACK.

HMM.

YOU SURE I CAN'T HELP YOU?

CAN I HAND YOU SOMETHING?

YOU KNOW, IT DOESN'T
HAVE TO BE PERFECT.

IT JUST HAS TO RUN.

JUST CURIOUS. HAVE YOU NOTICED

SINCE YOU STARTED
STANDING THERE,

THERE'S BEEN A LOT LESS
OF THE CLINKING SOUNDS?

THE CLINKING SOUNDS ARE WHAT
TOOLS MAKE WHEN THEY FIX THINGS.

YOU'VE BEEN FIXING
THIS CAR FOR HOURS.

AND I'M NOT DONE, SO BACK OFF.

JESS!

HEY, SHE SOUNDS MAD.

YOU'VE BEEN HERE
LESS THAN 24 HOURS

AND ALREADY I WANT TO KILL
YOU. WHAT DID I DO TO YOU?

ALL THAT CRAP YOU SAID TO LUKE

A MAN WHO'S DONE NOTHING BUT
SUPPORT YOU AND TRY TO HELP YOU.

I DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU'RE
TALKING ABOUT. YOU DO KNOW.

DON'T ACT STUPID. WHY
WOULD YOU DO THAT?

WHAT AN INCREDIBLY
INSENSITIVE, MEAN-SPIRITED...

DROP IT. THIS HAS NOTHING TO
DO WITH LUKE. THIS IS ABOUT RORY.

THIS IS NOT ABOUT
RORY. THIS IS ABOUT LUKE.

DON'T YOU HAVE AN OUNCE OF
SENSITIVITY IN THAT THICK HEAD OF YOURS,

OR ARE YOU SO MAD
AT THE ENTIRE WORLD

THAT YOU DON'T
CARE WHO YOU HURT?

AND I SUPPOSE WE'RE STILL
NOT TALKING ABOUT RORY?

WOW. A 2ND "RORY" IN 10 SECONDS.

YOU SURE HAVE RORY ON THE
BRAIN. I WONDER WHY THAT IS.

YOU STARTED THIS.

IS THAT WHY YOU CAME BACK HERE?

ARE YOU STILL HUNG UP ON
HER? IS THAT WHY YOU CAME BACK?

NO. GOOD.

BECAUSE SHE IS OVER YOU.

SHE HAS MOVED ON,
AND SHE IS VERY HAPPY.

PLEASE HURRY UP SO I CAN
GET THE HELL OUT OF HERE.

I SECOND THAT.

WOW, WONDER WHERE DEMI
AND ASHTON ARE SITTING?

I THINK WE'RE LATE.
WE'RE NOT LATE.

GRANDMA SAID DINNER
STARTS AT 6:00. THAT MEANS 7:00.

IN WHAT UNIVERSE?

THEY INVITE YOU AT 6:00, KNOW
YOU WON'T BE HERE TILL 7:00,

SO DINNER WON'T START TILL 8:00.

ACTUALLY, WE'RE EARLY.
THERE THEY ARE. HEY. HI, MOM.

OH, THAT'S A BAD FACE.

TOLD YOU WE WERE LATE.

WHAT IS RORY DOING
HERE? HI, GRANDMA.

YOU WEREN'T SUPPOSED
TO BRING RORY.

REALLY HELPING THE
KID'S SELF-ESTEEM, MOM.

YOU DON'T KNOW ONE MAN WHO'D
SPEND THE EVENING WITH YOU?

I THOUGHT YOU LIKED RORY.

WE DO LIKE RORY, BUT
WE'RE SHORT OF MEN.

WELL, SO AM I.

HONESTLY, IT'S NOT YOUR LOOKS THAT
KEEP THEM AWAY. THINK ABOUT THAT.

I'M SORRY. SHOULD I STAY?

OF COURSE YOU SHOULD STAY.

WE CAN'T DO ANYTHING ABOUT
THAT NOW. COME ON, COME ON.

SO, ON A WIGGED-OUT LEVEL
FROM 1 TO 10, MOM'S AT...

FRANCES FARMER. YEAH.

WELL, RORY, WHAT
ARE YOU DOING HERE?

LORELAI COULDN'T FIND A MAN.

YOU WEREN'T SPECIFIC. YOU
DIDN'T SAY, "BRING A MAN."

AND IF I HAD, YOU'D HAVE
BEEN ABLE TO FIND ONE?

RORY, SIT OVER THERE.

MARJORIE, SHAWNA, THIS
IS MY DAUGHTER, LORELAI,

AND HER DAUGHTER, RORY.

THIS IS MARJORIE AND SHAWNA.

HELLO.

WHO ARE MARJORIE AND SHAWNA?

RICHARD AND JASON'S SECRETARIES.

DULL GIRLS, LIKE 2 ROLLING
PINS SITTING ACROSS FROM ME,

BUT WE WERE DESPERATE.

HELLO, EMILY,
RICHARD. OH, JASON.

YOU'RE LATE, JASON.

I'M SORRY. I GOT HUNG UP
TALKING TO FERIMAN IN THE LOBBY.

FERIMAN IS HERE?

YES, AND HE'S 3 DRINKS
AHEAD OF EVERYBODY ELSE.

MARVELOUS. NO, DON'T SIT THERE.

SIT NEXT TO LORELAI.
RORY, MOVE OVER.

WHY? YOU TWO PRETEND
YOU'RE TOGETHER.

WHAT? EMILY, GOOD IDEA.

SHAWNA, MARJORIE, FOR GOD'S
SAKE, LOOK LIKE YOU BELONG HERE.

OH, YES, THAT'S MUCH BETTER.

SO WHO ELSE IS JOINING US?

NO ONE. WE BROUGHT ONE OF
RICHARD'S COATS TO HANG OVER THE CHAIR.

WE'RE SAYING IT'S
MARJORIE'S HUSBAND'S.

HE'S MAKING THE ROUNDS

AND AT ABOUT 8:00, HE'LL
GET SICK AND HAVE TO LEAVE.

DOES EVERYBODY
UNDERSTAND THE STORY?

I THINK SO. BUT THEN WE'LL
HAVE TO HIDE HIS JACKET,

SO I SUGGEST I PUT
IT UNDER MY DRESS

AND PRETEND TO BE PREGNANT. THEN
JASON CAN PRETEND TO BE THE DOCTOR.

THEN RORY CAN DIG A TUNNEL...

I MIGHT HAVE KNOWN YOU'D TURN
THIS INTO SOMETHING RIDICULOUS.

I WANT TO BE THE DOCTOR.

OH, GOOD LORD.

AND JASON, MOVE
CLOSER TO LORELAI.

AND FOR GOD'S SAKE,

YOU TWO AT LEAST ACT
LIKE YOU LIKE EACH OTHER.

HEY, YOUR MOM SAID.

HEY, THERE YOU ARE.

YES, HERE I AM AT MY JOB.

WILL WONDERS NEVER CEASE?

MAJOR PARTY HAPPENING OUTSIDE.

SO I HEAR.

YOU GOT TO SEE IT.

I'M SURE YOU CAN SEE IT
ENOUGH FOR THE BOTH OF US.

BIG FIRE, CRAZY
PUNCH OUT THERE, TOO.

SERIOUSLY, MAN, COME ON
OUT. YOU WON'T BELIEVE IT.

NO, T.J., ACTUALLY, I WILL BELIEVE
IT, BECAUSE, SEE, I LIVE HERE,

SO I'VE SEEN THIS FESTIVAL,
OH, LET'S SAY, ABOUT 5,000 TIMES.

YES, I SEE YOUR POINT.

OK, WELL, LIZ AND I ARE TAKING
OFF RIGHT AFTER THE FESTIVITIES,

SO MAYBE YOU COULD COME
OUT AND SAY SAYONARA.

I'LL COME OUT AS SOON AS I CAN.

GREAT. HOW LONG, YOU THINK?

HOW LONG I THINK WHAT?

HOW LONG YOU THINK YOU'LL
BE DOIN' THAT? I DON'T KNOW.

LOOKS LIKE YOU'RE
ALMOST DONE. WELL, I'M NOT.

THE STACK'S GETTING
PRETTY SMALL.

LOOK, I WILL BE OUT SOON, OK?

OK.

I AM GONNA HOLD YOU TO THAT.

I'LL CONSIDER MYSELF WARNED.

THE IMPORTANCE
CANNOT BE OVERSTATED.

LANGUAGE IS HUMANITY'S LIFELINE.

THAT IS WHY I THANK EACH
AND EVERY ONE OF YOU

FOR YOUR LOYAL SUPPORT

OF THE EPHRAM WORDUS

RARE MANUSCRIPT
ACQUISITION FOUNDATION.

BECAUSE WITHOUT IT,

WE WOULD JUST BE STUCK
BROODING AROUND NAG HAMMADI.

PSST, I DON'T GET IT.

ME NEITHER.

YOU GO TO YALE.

I SKIPPED OBSCURE
MANUSCRIPT HUMOR 101.

WHY WAS THAT FUNNY?

NO IDEA.

YOU WERE LAUGHING.

TAKE A POLL.

NO ONE IN THIS ROOM HAS ANY IDEA

WHAT THAT CRAZY OLD
MAN IS TALKING ABOUT.

BUNCH OF POSEURS.

HUNDREDS OF LITERARY ARTIFACTS

WHICH MIGHT OTHERWISE
HAVE BEEN LOST.

HOW FAR DO YOU THINK
WE CAN PUSH THIS?

I'M NOT SURE.

DANCING? POSSIBLY.

STROLL ON THE TERRACE? PASSABLE.

MAKING OUT IN THE
COAT-CHECK ROOM?

OH, THAT'S GONNA BE TRICKY.

SO, ONCE AGAIN, I THANK YOU

AND I HOPE YOU ALL
HAVE A LOVELY EVENING.

I'M GOING TO GO FIND FERIMAN.

I HAVE TO SAY HELLO
TO BABE WELLINGTON.

MOM, HOW MUCH
LONGER DO JASON AND I

HAVE TO PRETEND WE'RE TOGETHER?

LORELAI, DON'T DO THIS TO ME.

UNTIL THIS EVENING IS
OVER, YOU ARE TOGETHER

AND I DON'T WANT
TO DISCUSS IT AGAIN.

FINE.

I JUST SECURED US THE COATROOM.

LET'S GO.

I'M GOING TO MAKE OUT IN THE
COATROOM. DON'T EAT MY CHICKEN.

THAT'S GOING ON YOUR TOMBSTONE.

JASON.

OH, HELLO. I DIDN'T
KNOW YOU'D BE HERE.

YOU LOOK WELL.

THANK YOU. HOW'S
BUSINESS? VERY GOOD.

I'M PLEASED TO HEAR IT.
HOW'S YOUR GOLF GAME?

IT CERTAINLY CAN'T MATCH
YOURS, BUT I'M CATCHING UP.

WHEN YOU'RE READY...
I'LL GIVE YOU A CALL.

FINE. GOOD TO SEE YOU AGAIN.

SAME TO YOU.

WELL? WHO WAS THAT?

MY FATHER. YOUR FATHER?

AND YOU TWO HAVE MET BEFORE?

YES, BRIEFLY. I BELIEVE THERE
WAS AN AQUAMAN PARTY INVOLVED.

OH, MAN, THIS BUSINESS THING
MUST'VE BEEN REALLY BAD FOR YOU GUYS.

WHAT DO YOU MEAN?

I MEAN, THAT WAS SO COLD.

YOU TALKED LIKE YOU
BARELY KNEW EACH OTHER.

NO, WE'VE ALWAYS BEEN LIKE THAT.

YOU'RE KIDDING?

NO. IN FACT, ASKING ME
ABOUT MY GOLF GAME WAS

ACTUALLY A LITTLE TOO
TOUCHY-FEELY FOR ME.

WOW. WHO WOULD HAVE THOUGHT
I WOULD EVER PUT MY MOTHER

NEXT TO SOMEONE,
AND THINK "WARM"?

JASON, I JUST HEARD
YOUR FATHER WAS HERE.

HOW COULD YOU POSSIBLY HAVE
FOUND THAT OUT THIS QUICKLY?

WELL, NEWS TRAVELS
FAST HERE. PEOPLE TALK.

SO WHAT DID FLOYD SAY? WELL...

RICHARD, FLOYD WAS JUST HERE.

WE KNOW, MOM. WE SAW HIM.

HE CAME BY THE
TABLE? WHAT NERVE.

HOW DARE HE TALK TO HIS SON.

BE QUIET, LORELAI.

IF HE'S HERE, HE
MUST HAVE A MOTIVE.

THAT'S RIGHT. HE NEVER CARED
ABOUT RARE MANUSCRIPTS BEFORE.

HMM. HE MUST BE TRYING
TO GET INFORMATION.

RICHARD, I DON'T THINK
HE HAD AN AGENDA.

WHAT WAS HIS BODY LANGUAGE LIKE?

HE WAS BREATHING AND STANDING.

I THINK ALL SIGNS
POINT TO ALIVE.

WHAT DID HE ASK YOU ABOUT?

HE ASKED ME ABOUT MY GOLF GAME.

NOT THE BUSINESS?

NO.

HO, HO, HO, HE'S TRICKY.

HE DIDN'T ASK ABOUT
THE BUSINESS, DAD, OK?

I KNOW HE DIDN'T ASK,
LORELAI. THAT WAS DELIBERATE.

SO HE WANTED TO KNOW
NOTHING ON PURPOSE? THE FIEND.

PLEASE STAY OUT OF IT.

HE'S PLANNING SOMETHING.

JASON, I THINK WE
SHOULD STRATEGIZE.

RICHARD, I DON'T THINK...

I'VE BEEN DOING THIS A LOT
LONGER THAN YOU HAVE, MY BOY.

IF A MAN LIKE FLOYD
STILES COMES OVER TO YOU

AND DOES NOT ASK
ABOUT THE BUSINESS,

YOU CAN BE SURE.
SOMETHING VERY BIG IS COMING.

UH, I GUESS I HAVE TO GO.

IF YOU'LL EXCUSE ME, LADIES.

FINE. NOBODY WAS BELIEVING
YOU TWO AS A COUPLE, ANYWAY.

♪ YOU'RE THE LAST OF YOUR KIND ♪

♪ MONA LISA ♪

♪ WITH A WINK OF YOUR EYE ♪

♪ YA MAKE IT ALL RIGHT ♪

♪ OH, THERE'S
MORE LEFT TO LIFE ♪

♪ MONA LISA ♪

♪ LET ME TAKE YOU ALONG ♪

THIS IS BIRD DOG
1 TO BIRD DOG 2.

THE SOUTHWEST CORNER IS SECURE.

I'M AT THE SOUTHWEST
CORNER, KIRK.

THEN WHERE THE HELL AM I?

WELL, LOOK WHO FINALLY
CAME OUT OF HIS CAVE.

CARRIE, WHAT A COINCIDENCE.

YOU REMEMBER ANNA, JILL.

HELLO, ANNA. HELLO, JILL.

WE JUST CAME FROM THE
REUNION, SO WE'RE A LITTLE TIPSY.

UH-HUH.

WELL, YOU KNOW, DRINK
WATER AND TAKE SOME ASPIRIN

BEFORE YOU GO TO BED.

I TOLD THEM YOU'RE
TRYING TO PRETEND

THAT YOU DON'T
REMEMBER "THE NIGHT."

I DON'T REMEMBER "THE NIGHT."

I REMEMBER "THE NIGHT."

THE WHOLE REUNION
REMEMBERED "THE NIGHT."

WE ALL TALKED
ABOUT IT. TERRIFIC.

EVERYBODY HAD A CRUSH ON
BUTCH DANES IN HIGH SCHOOL.

OH, SO SERIOUS, SO INTENSE.

SO HOT IN THOSE
TINY, LITTLE SHORTS.

OK, I SHOULD GO FIND LIZ.

OH, I'LL HELP YOU FIND HER.

OH, NO, I DON'T WANT
TO BREAK UP THE PARTY.

OH, THERE'S ALWAYS
ROOM FOR A FOURSOME.

SO, 20 YEARS LATER,
NONE OF YOU ARE MARRIED?

OH, NO, WE'RE ALL MARRIED.

OH, THERE'S LIZ.

THEY'RE NOT GONNA RUN
OUT OF PUNCH, ARE THEY?

THEY NEVER RUN OUT OF PUNCH.

OH, OK, WELL, I SHOULD GO.

WAIT. UM...

WE'RE ALL GOING TO THE STYX

R.E.O. SPEEDWAGON-JOURNEY
CONCERT NEXT WEEK.

WE HAVE AN EXTRA TICKET,
IF YOU'RE INTERESTED.

OH, WELL, WELL, IF IT WAS JUST
STYX AND R.E.O. SPEEDWAGON,

I'D BE THERE, BUT
JOURNEY FREAKS ME OUT.

SORRY. ENJOY THE FESTIVAL.

SO THERE'S A LINE A MILE LONG.

THE PLACE IS GOING
CRAZY FOR THE EARRINGS.

OH, COME ON, T.J.

HEY, I'M JUST TELLING
THEM HOW IT IS.

THE LAST FAIR WE WENT TO,

THE LINE WAS SO LONG IT
BLOCKED THE FRUIT-ICE STAND.

NOW, TRADITIONALLY,
THE FRUIT-ICE PEOPLE

ARE NOT THE NICEST
PEOPLE ON THE CIRCUIT,

BUT YOU BLOCK THEIR STAND,
AND THEY REALLY GO CRAZY.

THEY THREW LEMON RINDS!

BUT IT DIDN'T MATTER.

THOSE PEOPLE STAYED
AND THEY BOUGHT PLENTY.

WELL, PEOPLE SEEM
TO LIKE MY STUFF.

WE'RE HEADING TO MINNESOTA
NEXT MONTH. BIG FAIR THERE.

AND THIS TIME WE ARE
UNVEILING THE BOOTH.

THE BOOTH?

T.J. JUST BUILT ME THE GREATEST
BOOTH. YOU SHOULD SEE IT.

WELL, YOU GOT TO
HAVE A GOOD BOOTH.

IT'S THE FIRST THING PEOPLE SEE.

EARRINGS ARE SMALL.

YOU DON'T KNOW THEY'RE
THERE UNTIL YOU'RE UP ON 'EM.

BUT A BOOTH AND A NICE SIGN,

A PERSON STANDING
AT THE JOUSTING MATCH,

THEY TURN AROUND "LOOK AT
THAT BOOTH WITH THE NICE SIGN."

THEY COME OVER, TAKE
A LOOK AT LIZZIE'S STUFF,

AND, BAM, THEY'RE HOOKED.

WELL, LUKE, NICE
OF YOU TO JOIN US.

HI, LUKE, I DIDN'T
SEE YOU THERE.

I HEARD YOU WERE LEAVING
RIGHT AFTER THE FESTIVAL, SO...

WELL, I'M SO GLAD YOU CAME OUT.

SEE YOU LATER, LIZ.

CAN YOU BELIEVE THIS THING?

IT HASN'T CHANGED ONE
BIT SINCE WE WERE KIDS.

WELL, SAME CRAZY GATHERING

THAT MOM WOULD TAKE US TO.

AND THEN DAD, AFTER SHE DIED.

HE HATED IT WORSE THAN WE DID.

HE ONLY TOOK US
BECAUSE MOM LIKED IT.

YEAH. OF COURSE THAT
FOUNDER'S DAY PUNCH...

LETHAL.

THE FIRST TIME I EVER THREW UP FROM
BOOZE, IT WAS FOUNDER'S DAY PUNCH.

THAT'S A NICE STORY.

HEY, LISTEN,

I'M SORRY ABOUT JESS.

BOY, THAT STATEMENT COULD
ENCOMPASS A WHOLE MYRIAD OF THINGS.

I'M SORRY I TOLD YOU I
WASN'T IN TOUCH WITH HIM.

IT'S JUST BEEN THE LAST 6
MONTHS HE STARTED CALLING

AND HE ASKED ME NOT TO TELL YOU,

SO I WAS TRYING TO
BOND OR SOMETHING.

I JUST MENTIONED THE CAR TO HIM.

I DIDN'T KNOW HE'D COME
BACK HERE AND TRY AND TAKE IT.

IT'S OK. IT'S HIS CAR.
HE SHOULD HAVE IT.

I'M JUST TRYING TO MAKE
THINGS BETTER WITH US.

YOU SHOULD. IT'S FINE.

I HAVE A FEELING ABOUT HIM.

I THINK HE'S GONNA BE OK.

HE'S KIND OF LIKE
DAD, DON'T YOU THINK?

OH, I DON'T KNOW

OH, I DO. I THINK HE'S LIKE DAD.

I WANT TO THANK YOU FOR
EVERYTHING YOU DID FOR HIM.

WELL, IT NEVER
HURTS TO TAKE A SHOT.

AT LEAST YOU KNOW YOU TRIED.

SOMETIMES THINGS TAKE A
WHILE BEFORE THEY SINK IN.

IT DID WITH ME.

SORRY I'M SO BORING TONIGHT.

I ONLY HAD ONE CUP OF PUNCH.

GARY SWITCHED US OVER
TO CLUB SODA AFTER THAT.

YOU'RE NOT BORING. WHO'S GARY?

THAT'S T.J.'S REAL NAME.

T.J.'S REAL NAME IS GARY?

YEAH. GARY?

HOW IN THE HECK DID
HE GET... NEVER MIND.

I HEARD HIM TALKING
BACK THERE, GARY.

IT SOUNDS LIKE THINGS
ARE GOING GOOD.

THEY ARE, REALLY GOOD.

GOOD. GOOD.

OH, HEY, WAIT. I JUST
MADE THESE LAST NIGHT.

YOU COULD GIVE
THEM TO YOUR WIFE.

OR LORELAI, WHOEVER.

THANKS.

WELL, I'M GONNA GET
MY STUFF TOGETHER.

WE NEED TO LEAVE SOON.

TELL GARY I WENT BACK
TO YOUR PLACE. I'LL DO THAT.

OK.

SEE YOU.

SEE YOU.

GONE THE REST OF THE NIGHT.

AND WE'RE STUCK THERE
WITH THE ROLLING PINS.

GOD, SO BORING.

I AM STARVING.

WHAT, THE POSSIBLY BEEF IN
SOME SORT OF CREAM SAUCE

DID NOTHING TO
CURB YOUR APPETITE?

YOU WANT TO START WITH BURGERS
OR DO A CART-TO-CART ATTACK?

WELL, THERE'S TWO OF US. I THINK
WE CAN ACCOMPLISH BOTH GOALS.

I'LL GET THE BURGERS.
YOU HIT THE CARTS.

MEET YOU BY THE BONFIRE.

T.J.

HEY, YOU'RE HERE. COOL.

SO, UH, LIZ IS BACK AT MY
PLACE GETTING YOUR STUFF.

SHE JUST WANTED ME TO TELL YOU.

OK, THANKS.

SO, LOOK, I... I KIND OF HEARD
YOU GUYS TALKING, AND,

YOU KNOW, THINGS SEEM TO
BE GOING PRETTY GOOD FOR LIZ,

WHICH IS DIFFERENT
AND A NICE CHANGE.

I KNOW YOU GUYS ARE
THINKING ABOUT MOVIN' HERE

AND I JUST WANTED YOU
TO KNOW IT'S OK BY ME.

OK. I DIDN'T REALIZE WE
NEEDED YOUR PERMISSION.

OH, NO.

Y-Y-Y-YOU DON'T. MAYBE YOU
MISUNDERSTOOD ME HERE.

I... I WAS TRYING TO
SAY THAT I ASSUMED,

BECAUSE MY SISTER
HAS A HISTORY WITH GUYS,

YOU KNOW, THAT, YOU KNOW,
YOU WERE LIKE THE OTHERS.

WELL, YOU SEEM LIKE
A PRETTY GOOD GUY.

THANKS. YOU'RE A DICK.

I JUST HEARD THE TAIL END
OF THAT CONVERSATION,

I ASSUME YOU HAVEN'T
CHANGED YOUR NAME TO RICHARD.

LONG, LONG STORY.
I'LL TELL YOU LATER.

THE WORD ETCH-A-SKETCH COMES UP.

I'M HOOKED.

YOU'RE ALL DRESSED UP.

JUST FOR YOU.

YOU GO SOMEWHERE?

UH, WELL, MY PARENTS
HAD A CHARITY EVENT,

AND, UM, THEY
NEEDED A CHAIR FILLED

AND WHO FILLS A
CHAIR BETTER THAN I?

NO ONE COMES TO MIND.

SO DID JESS LEAVE YET?

I STOPPED BY GYPSY'S EARLIER.

AND SHE WAS JUST ABOUT
DONE THEN, SO PROBABLY.

NO GOODBYES?

NO. LIZ HAS A FEELING
ABOUT HIM, THOUGH.

SHE THINKS HE'S GONNA BE FINE.

HE COULD BE.

YEAH.

OH, HEY.

HERE.

PRETTY.

LIZ MADE THEM YESTERDAY.

SHE WANTED YOU TO HAVE THEM.

OH, GREAT. BE SURE TO
TELL HER THANKS FOR ME.

I WILL.

THERE.

THANK YOU FOR YOUR BUSINESS.

DO NOT COME AGAIN.

NOT LIKELY.

I GET TO LEAVE FIRST.

RORY, WAIT. STOP!

NO, YOU DON'T GET TO WALK AWAY.

HOLD ON!

MY TOWN! I LEAVE!

I JUST WANT TO...
WHERE ARE YOU GOING?

NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS!

WE LOOK LIKE IDIOTS.

I DON'T CARE.

STOP RUNNING.

STOP FOLLOWING.

OH, COME ON!

GO AWAY! I'M LEAVING!

RORY, STOP!

WHY?

BECAUSE I WANT TO TALK
TO YOU. ABOUT WHAT?

WHAT DO YOU WANT
TO TALK TO ME ABOUT?

WHEN DID YOU LEARN
TO RUN LIKE THAT?

YOU KNOW, I HAVE ACTUALLY
THOUGHT ABOUT THIS MOMENT A LOT.

WHAT WOULD JESS SAY TO
ME IF I EVER SAW HIM AGAIN?

I MEAN, HE JUST TOOK OFF,
NO NOTE, NO CALL, NOTHING.

HOW COULD HE EXPLAIN THAT?
AND THEN A YEAR GOES BY.

NO WORD, NOTHING.

SO HE COULDN'T POSSIBLY HAVE
A GOOD EXCUSE FOR THAT, RIGHT?

I HAVE IMAGINED HUNDREDS
OF DIFFERENT SCENARIOS

WITH A HUNDRED DIFFERENT
GREAT LAST PARTING LINES

AND I HAVE TO TELL YOU THAT
I AM ACTUALLY VERY CURIOUS

TO SEE WHICH WAY
THIS IS GOING TO GO.

COULD WE SIT DOWN?

NO. YOU WANTED TO TALK, SO TALK.

WHAT DO YOU HAVE TO SAY TO ME?

I LOVE YOU.