Gilmore Girls (2000–2007): Season 4, Episode 12 - A Family Matter - full transcript

UNBELIEVABLE.

HELLO? THERE ARE NO
EMPTY TABLES AT LUKE'S.

AND I CAN DO WHAT ABOUT THAT?

I WAS HOPING YOU'D DEVELOPED
MIND-CONTROL POWERS

SINCE I LAST SAW YOU, AND
YOU'D WILL PEOPLE TO LEAVE.

NO. IF I COULD DO THAT, I'D BE USING
IT TO PLAY THE PONIES OR SOMETHING.

YOUR TABLE WOULD BE
LOW ON THE LIST. SELFISH.

OH, HOLD ON A SEC.

HEY, KIRK, MAY I? MAY YOU WHAT?

SIT WITH YOU. HERE?

YES. I HAVE A GIRLFRIEND.

I'M NOT FLIRTING WITH YOU, KIRK.

OH, THEN HAVE A SEAT.

THANKS.

I LOVE THAT SHIRT.

IT'S AN ARNOLD PALMER.

THAT WAS FLIRTING.

OH, MAN. I'M BACK.

SO WHAT'S GOING ON WITH LANE?

SHE'S HERE. SHE'S FINE.

SHE'S STILL A
LITTLE BIT IN DENIAL.

SHE HASN'T TALKED TO HER
MOM SINCE THE KICK-OUT.

POOR MRS. KIM.

POOR MRS. KIM? SHE KICKED
LANE OUT. I'M MAD AT HER.

WHY? SHE MUST BE VERY
LONELY WITHOUT LANE.

WELL, LANE'S GETTING
ALONG PRETTY WELL HERE.

SHE'S KIND OF
FALLEN INTO A RHYTHM.

HEY. HEY. TAKE.

THANK YOU. HEY,
YOU'RE OUT OF BREATH.

THERE WERE INCREDIBLY
SLOW PEOPLE IN THE COFFEE LINE

AND I PROMISED TO WAKE PARIS.

UP AND AT 'EM. DIE.

I GOT YOU A TRIPLE ESPRESSO
THAT I'M GOING TO PUT HERE

RIGHT OUT OF REACH, SO
SLEEPYHEAD HAS TO GET UP TO GET IT.

DIE TWICE.

SHE AT THE PROFESSOR'S
AGAIN LAST NIGHT?

YES, BUT SHE CLAIMS SHE
WAS UP ALL NIGHT CRAMMING.

WELL, SHE WAS.

OH, ICK.

ICK WHAT? ARE YOU TALKING
ABOUT ME? WHO IS THAT?

IT'S MY MOM. WE'RE NOT TALKING
ABOUT YOU. YOU'RE SO PARANOID.

OH, HOLD ON A SEC. LUKE'S HERE.

I SWEAR, IT FEELS
LIKE THESE STUPID

FIRELIGHT FESTIVALS
HAPPEN EVERY WEEK.

AND A HAPPY HAPPY TO YOU, TOO.

ORDER, PLEASE.

COFFEE AND WHATEVER
MUFFIN YOU HAVE. COMIN' UP.

YOU TWO AN ITEM NOW? HMM.

I HAVE A GIRLFRIEND.

DOUBLE DIPPIN', YOU DOG.

YOU NEVER TOLD ME
WHY YOU'RE UP SO EARLY.

I GOT A QUICK MEETING
AT THE DRAGONFLY,

AND THEN JASON'S
COMING HERE FOR THE DAY.

JASON? HE'S TAKING
THE MORNING OFF,

SO I'M TAKING HIM SHOPPING FOR
NEW FURNITURE FOR HIS OFFICE.

SOUNDS FUN.

YEAH, HE'S NEVER REALLY
SEEN STARS HOLLOW, SO, UM...

YOU GET TO SHOW
HIM AROUND, RIGHT?

MMM-HMM.

I INTERRUPT SOMETHING? NO.

WOULD MY REMINDING YOU
OF THE CELL PHONE POLICY

AFFECT YOUR BEHAVIOR IN ANY WAY?

IT'S RORY.

HELLO, RORY.

HOW DOES IT FEEL
TO BE A STEPDAD?

KNOCK IT OFF.

GOOD THINKING. WHAT?

CLAMMING UP. HE'S ALWAYS
HAD A PROBLEM WITH YOUR GUYS.

BEST TO EASE INTO IT.

OH, NO, THAT'S NOT
WHY I STOPPED TALKING.

WHOO. WHOO.

GOOD MORNIN', VIETNAM!

WHAT WAS THAT? PARIS.

SHE LIKES TO DO THIS THING IN THE
MORNING WITH THE TRIPLE ESPRESSO.

IT'S LIKE JACK
NICHOLSON IN EASY RIDER.

JUMPING CATTLE HOCKEY!

PARIS, COULD YOU TAKE
IT ELSEWHERE, PLEASE?

OH, WAIT. WE GOT
SOMETHING GOING ON HERE.

WHAT'S GOING ON?

OH, COME ON.

A KIND OF ROCK 'N' ROLL
HIPPIE CHICK CAME IN.

SHE'S DEEP IN CONVERSATION WITH
LUKE, WHO IS NOT LOOKING TOO HAPPY.

WHAT ARE THEY SAYING?

UH, THEY ARE
RUDELY OUT OF RANGE.

HEY, HON, TRY TO MOVE IN
SO YOU CAN HEAR 'EM. GO.

SHE'S JOKING.
WE'RE JUST FRIENDS.

A MYSTERY WOMAN.

MAYBE SHE HAS SOMETHING
TO DO WITH HIS APARTMENT.

HE MIGHT BE LEASING OUT
WHICHEVER ONE HE'S NOT USING.

OR IT'S ABOUT THE
DIVORCE WITH NICOLE

OR THE LACK OF ONE, IF THE
DIVORCE IS DEFINITELY OFF.

OR MAYBE SHE'S A
FRIEND OF NICOLE'S,

OR ANOTHER ATTORNEY
IF IT'S NOT DEFINITELY OFF.

BOY, LUKE IS THE MOST
COMPLICATED GUY I KNOW

WHO ALSO OWNS A
DOOBIE BROTHERS RECORD.

SWEET MAMA JAMA. OH,
I GOT TO WAKE TANNA.

WAIT. WAIT. DENOUEMENT.

I'LL BE UP WHEN I CAN.

WHATEVER. I'LL ENTERTAIN MYSELF.

HE SENT HER UPSTAIRS.

WEIRD.

WHAT DO YOU THINK? AN EARLY MORNING
TRYST WITH THE COUNTY DOMINATRIX?

HMM. DOES SHE HAVE A BAG? NO.

THEN WHERE WOULD ALL
HER DOMINATRIX STUFF BE?

MAYBE THEY'RE USING THE
STUFF HE KEEPS ON HAND?

FISHING POLE? NOLAN
RYAN'S ROOKIE CARD?

MYSTERY. MYSTERY.

GO ASK HIM. WHO'S YOUR DADDY?

HE'S IN BACK. GO
THERE AND ASK HIM.

I HAVE TO KNOW WHAT'S GOING ON.

OK.

CRAP! CRAP! CRAP!

UH, MAYBE LATER,

I DON'T THINK NOW'S
SUCH A GOOD TIME.

I'LL TALK TO YOU LATER.

LATER.

I HAVE A GIRLFRIEND.

♪

♪ IF YOU'RE OUT ON THE ROAD ♪

♪ FEELING LONELY, AND SO COLD ♪

♪ ALL YOU HAVE TO
DO IS CALL MY NAME ♪

♪ AND I'LL BE THERE
ON THE NEXT TRAIN ♪

♪ WHERE YOU LEAD,
I WILL FOLLOW ♪

♪ ANYWHERE THAT YOU TELL ME TO ♪

♪ IF YOU NEED, YOU
NEED ME TO BE WITH YOU ♪

♪ I WILL FOLLOW, OH ♪

♪ WHERE YOU LEAD,
I WILL FOLLOW ♪

♪ ANYWHERE THAT YOU TELL ME TO ♪

♪ IF YOU NEED, YOU
NEED ME TO BE WITH YOU ♪

♪ I WILL FOLLOW WHERE YOU LEAD ♪

OK. OPEN YOUR EYES.

WOW. I'M STUNNING.

YOUR STYLIST CONCURS.

WOW, SO ORGANIZED OUT HERE.

I TIDIED UP A BIT, EXCESS
STUFF WENT IN THE CABINET.

IMPRESSIVE.

I'LL GET IT.

HOW GOOD DO I LOOK?

WOULD A COMEDIC REPLY CRUSH YOU?

PROBABLY. TERRIF.

WHERE'S THE PHONE?

BURIED SOMEWHERE.

TANNA'S GONNA
KNOCK BOYS OUT TODAY.

WITH SHEER PECULIARITY?

I AM HOPING THAT ONE BOY
NOTICES. CHESTER FLEET.

CHESTER FLEET?

HIS FATHER WAS INSTRUMENTAL
IN CONDUCTING RESEARCH

SHOWING THAT
NEURONS IN THE BRAIN

FIRE ACTIVELY
DURING R.E.M. SLEEP

WITH THE EXCEPTION
OF NERVE CELLS

INVOLVED WITH THE TRANSMITTER
CHEMICALS SEROTONIN AND NOREPINEPHRINE.

I FORGOT THE FIRST
PART OF THAT SENTENCE

BY THE TIME YOU FINISHED.

BUT I SAY JUMP HIM.

THANKS, LANE. SEE YOU LATER.

FINALLY. HELLO?

HI, RORY. IT'S JAMIE.
HOW YOU DOIN'?

GOOD, JAMIE. IT'S BEEN A WHILE.

HOW'S THE 2ND-BEST
SCHOOL IN THE COUNTRY?

PRINCETON'S FINE.

HARD, NOT AS EASY AS
SLACKER SCHOOLS LIKE YALE.

YEAH. I ASSUME YOU'RE
LOOKING FOR PARIS.

I'M IN TOWN FOR A COUPLE
DAYS, SO I'LL PROBABLY SEE YOU.

GREAT, HERE SHE IS.

I WAS JUST STEPPING
OUT THE DOOR. WHAT'S UP?

FINE.

YOUR HOTEL ROOM'S GOOD? GOOD.

WELL, PROBABLY NOT
TONIGHT, UNFORTUNATELY.

THINGS ARE REALLY BAD ON MY END.

I KNOW. I'M SO SORRY,

BUT TONIGHT WAS TENTATIVE,
REMEMBER? TONIGHT WASN'T SET IN STONE.

WELL, I'M DEAD TIRED, I HAVE
TONS OF STUDYING TO DO

AND WE HAVE A LITTLE DRAMA
GOING ON HERE IN THE SUITE.

RORY'S SMALL-TOWN FRIEND,
LANE, IS CRASHING WITH US.

SHE GOT KICKED OUT OF HER HOUSE,

AND SHE'S IN PRETTY BAD SHAPE.

SHE'S PRETTY HEAVY
INTO THE DRUGS,

TOTALLY NANCY SPUNGENING
IT, CHASING THE DRAGON.

I KIND OF HAVE TO BE
HERE FOR SUPPORT.

THE CHICK'S BOUNCIN'
OFF THE WALLS.

YEAH. TOMORROW.
SURE, ABSOLUTELY.

TONIGHT WAS TENTATIVE, JAMIE.

I'M SURE I TOLD
YOU TO PENCIL IT IN.

PENCIL. OK. BYE.

WHAT? NOTHING.

I HAD TO SAY
SOMETHING LIKE THAT.

HE DOESN'T RESPOND TO THE FACT

THAT I HAVE TO STUDY, WHICH
I DO. YOU KNOW THAT. YEAH.

I'M SEEING HIM TOMORROW, ANYWAY.

WHAT'S "CHASING THE
DRAGON"? I'VE GOT TO GO.

I DON'T THINK YOU
SHOULD BE SAYING THAT,

'CAUSE IT MIGHT GET AROUND...

HEY, TAKE IT EASY!

JERK.

GENTLEMEN, THERE IS NO
WAY TO 100% AVOID LIABILITY

FOR ON-SITE ACCIDENTS
AT ANY OF YOUR PLANTS.

IT IS UNFORTUNATE, BUT
INTERNATIONAL ACCORDS PRECLUDE IT.

CAN YOU PLEASE
TRANSLATE, MR. WATANABE?

OK.

I'M SORRY.

WHAT HAPPENED TO
TAKING THE MORNING OFF?

I HAVE THE MORNING OFF. JAPAN
DOES NOT HAVE THE MORNING OFF.

HERE. CARE TO JOIN ME?

WITH ALL THESE JAPANESE
BUSINESSMEN IN THE CAR? KINKY.

"KINKY." I'M SORRY,
WHAT IS "KINKY"?

UH, YOU DON'T HAVE TO
TRANSLATE THAT, MR. WATANABE.

WHERE ARE WE?

THEY MUST CONFER ON THIS.

THEY REALLY DIG CONFERRING.

UH, PLEASE TELL THEM THAT I
WILL CALL THEM AGAIN TOMORROW.

HERE, COME ON, GET
IN. IT'S COLD OUTSIDE.

I THOUGHT WE'D TAKE MY
JEEP, HOLDS MORE STUFF.

OH, THAT'S GOOD THINKING.

HELLO. HELLO.

SO, WHERE ARE WE OFF TO TODAY?

I'VE GOT A FABULOUS
LITTLE LIST HERE.

LOTS OF PLACES IN WOODBURY,

AND WE'LL HAVE TO
GET A NEWSPAPER.

FOR... FINDING DEAD PEOPLE.

OH, ESTATE SALES, GOT IT.

THEN WE CAN HIT A FEW PLACES
HERE, THEN GRAB SOME LUNCH.

DO WE HAVE TIME FOR COFFEE
NOW? I HAVEN'T HAD ANY FOR HOURS.

FOR HOURS? WHEN DID YOU GET UP?
- 00.

THEY HAVE ONE OF THOSE
IN THE MORNING, TOO?

YOU KNOW HOW ASIA IS NOT
TAKING THE MORNING OFF?

NEITHER IS EUROPE.

WELL, COFFEE IT IS, THEN.

TAKE ME TO THAT PLACE YOU
TALK ABOUT. WHAT IS IT? UM, DUKE'S?

DUKE'S. SURE.

OR WE COULD GO SOMEPLACE ELSE.

WHY? WHY NOT DUKE'S?

IT'S NOT SO SPECIAL.

YOU GO THERE DAILY.

YEAH, BUT I THINK DUKE'S
IS CLOSED. AND IT'S LUKE'S.

CLOSED AT 8:00 IN THE
MORNING ON A FRIDAY?

YEAH, SABBATH.

DUKE'S A JEW. NO, LUKE'S A JEW.

SABBATH'S NOT TILL SUNDOWN.

HE LIKES TO GET AN EARLY
JUMP ON HIS SABBATHING.

I BET HE'S OPEN.

OK, BUT YOU RUN
THE RISK OF GOING

AND DISCOVERING IT'S CLOSED.

I SAY LIVE DANGEROUSLY
OR NOT AT ALL.

YEAH, YOU-YOU'RE RIGHT.

ALL THE OTHER
COFFEE IN TOWN SUCKS.

LET'S JUST GO TO
DUKE'S, WHICH IS LUKE'S.

WHICH IS LUKE'S? DUKE'S.

WHAT?

NO, NO, RIETGAARD,
THOSE DOCUMENTS

WERE FEDEXED TO
YOU ON WEDNESDAY.

UH, THE DOCUMENTEN

WERE FEDEXED, UH,

UH, ON...

OH, SHOOT. MONDAY'S MAANDAG,

TUESDAY'S DINSDAG.
HOW'S YOUR DUTCH?

OH, GREAT. I JUST
DON'T LIKE TO SHARE IT.

I'LL JUST HAVE THE OFFICE FAX IT
ALL OVER TO YOU TODAY. IT'S OK.

IS HE ICE SKATING
UNDER A WINDMILL?

THAT'S THE PICTURE IN MY HEAD.

OK, RIETGAARD, GOODBYE. BYE.

OH, I'M EXHAUSTED.

AND ON YOUR MORNING OFF.

YEAH, I STINK AT TAKING
THE MORNINGS OFF.

WELL, HERE WE ARE.

AH, WAIT.

NO MORE CALLS.

WHOSE TRUCK IS THAT, DUKE'S?

YEAH, LUKE'S.

ARE THEY DIFFERENT
PEOPLE? SAME PERSON.

AND THAT'S HIS TRUCK?

YES, IT'S PRACTICALLY
AN APPENDAGE.

SO, THAT WOULD BE LUKE.

YOU LIKE TO DO A LOT OF RESEARCH

BEFORE GETTING A CUP OF COFFEE.

THAT'S THE DOORKNOB. IT
TWISTS TO THE RIGHT. COME ON.

UH...

WHAT IS WITH YOU?

I'M NOT IN THE MOOD
FOR COFFEE ANYMORE.

YOU WERE JONESING NOT 5
MINUTES AGO. NO, IT'S PASSED.

MY 5:00 A.M. COFFEE'S
KICKED IN AGAIN.

YOU DRINK TIME-RELEASE COFFEE?

IT'S ALL THE RAGE.

I WANT COFFEE.

OK, I'LL WAIT FOR YOU HERE.

WHAT IS WITH YOU?

I, I WAS KIND OF TAILGATING
DUKE ON THE DRIVE IN.

YOU WERE TAILGATING LUKE?

PRETTY RUDELY.
THERE WAS HONKING.

OH, GEE.

I DIDN'T KNOW IT WAS DUKE.

UH, HOW FAST WAS HE GOING?

SNAIL'S SPEED. LIKE, 20.

THE SPEED LIMIT HERE IS 12.

THIS IS ONE OF THE PROBLEMS
I HAVE WITH SMALL TOWNS.

YOU TAILGATE A GUY IN MANHATTAN,

YOU'RE NOT GONNA SEE HIM AGAIN.

YOU TAILGATE A
GUY IN A SMALL TOWN,

HE IS THE KEEPER OF THE COFFEE.

AND HE IS LOOKING
AT US. WHO? LUKE?

IS THAT HIS NAME? YES!

DON'T LOOK AT HIM.
DON'T LOOK AT HIM.

THIS IS RIDICULOUS!

OK, GO. GO. GO. GO. WHERE?

ANYWHERE ELSE
FOR COFFEE, PLEASE.

OK.

WHY ARE WE STOPPING?

UM, THE NEXT BEST
COFFEE IS AT THIS PLACE.

OK, PLEASE FIND US COFFEE AT
LEAST 50 YARDS AWAY FROM DUKE'S.

OH, OK,

FINDING IT 50 YARDS FROM
LUKE'S IS ANOTHER MATTER.

HEY, RORY. OH, JAMIE, HI.

SORRY TO POUNCE
ON YOU LIKE THIS.

IT'S OK, YOU'RE NOT
POUNCING. WANNA SIT?

THANKS.

LISTEN, D-DO YOU...

DO I WHAT?

LOOK, I NEED TO FIND
OUT WHAT'S UP WITH PARIS

AND I DON'T KNOW
WHO ELSE TO ASK.

OH.

I HAD TO REARRANGE A
MILLION THINGS TO COME HERE

AND I COULD ONLY MANAGE 2 DAYS,

AND NOW SHE WON'T SEE ME.

YOU'RE GONNA SEE HER
TOMORROW, AREN'T YOU?

IF SHE DOESN'T CANCEL.

SHE'S NOT GONNA
CANCEL. SHE WOULDN'T.

WELL, SHE'S BEEN
CANCELING PLANS FOR WEEKS.

SHE'S NOT CALLING ME AS MUCH.

I KNOW. I SOUND PATHETIC.

NO, YOU DON'T. AND
PARIS HAS BEEN SO BUSY.

YOU'VE BEEN A FRESHMAN IN
COLLEGE. YOU KNOW WHAT THAT ENTAILS.

YEAH.

PLUS, I HEARD HER TELLING
YOU ABOUT MY FRIEND LANE.

SHE'S BEEN LIVING IN OUR SUITE

AND IT'S BEEN REALLY
UNFAIR TO ALL MY ROOMMATES.

WHAT IS "CHASING THE DRAGON"?

I DON'T KNOW, BUT THAT'S WHAT
LANE SAID SHE'S BEEN DOING.

SHE'S A COLD TURKEY
NOW. UM. GOING IT,

I MEAN, COLD TURKEY.

AND, UM, PARIS HAS BEEN
REALLY GREAT HELPING OUT.

HAS SHE BEEN SEEING
SOMEONE ELSE?

NOT THAT I KNOW OF.

I'LL LET YOU GO. THANKS.

THIS ACTUALLY HELPED.

GOOD. IT WILL GET BETTER, JAMIE.

I REALLY THINK THAT.

GOOD.

IT'S MY BIRTHDAY.

OH, WOW. HAPPY BIRTHDAY.

THANKS.

THANKS.

HEY.

OH, YEAH.

YOU FORGET ABOUT ME?

NO, I'M JUST REAL,
REAL BUSY, THAT'S ALL.

LOOKS LIKE A LULL TO ME.

NO, IT CAN BE DECEPTIVE.

HEY, KIRK, YOU WANT
ANOTHER PIECE OF PIE?

NO, I'M FINE

AND THIS IS THE COMMENCEMENT

OF YOUR CLASSIC
MID-MORNING LULL.

PEOPLE OFF TO WORK,
KIDS OFF TO SCHOOL.

YOU MAY NOT HAVE ANOTHER
SOUL IN HERE FOR HALF AN HOUR.

IT GETS PEACEFUL, QUIET,
KIND OF LIKE A SWEET DEATH.

HE'S TRIPPY.

SURE YOU DON'T
WANT ANYTHING ELSE?

A SPIDER MONKEY

BUT THERE'S PROBABLY
NOTHING YOU CAN DO ABOUT IT.

COOL. COME ON.

COMING, SIS.

LIZ?

LIZ?

I'M IN THE CLOSET.

OH, MY GOD. IT'S STILL HERE.

WHAT'S STILL THERE?

MY POT. YOUR WHAT?

I USED TO STASH IT IN THE
HALL BACK BEHIND DADDY'S FILES

'CAUSE IT'S THE ONE PLACE HE
WOULDN'T LOOK. ISN'T THAT WILD?

IT'S STILL HERE. WILL
YOU GIVE ME THAT?

OH, RELAX, WILL YOU? I
DON'T DO THAT ANYMORE.

WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
I'M PUTTIN' IT AWAY.

THROW IT IN THE TRASH.

SO THE GARBAGE MAN CAN SEE IT?

ISN'T HAYWOOD DONNELLY
STILL THE GARBAGE MAN?

YES. WELL, HELL.
HE SOLD IT TO ME.

I'LL GET RID OF IT, OK, LIZ?

OK, LUKE.

BOY, YOU LOOK GOOD.

WHAT ABOUT ME?
DON'T I LOOK GOOD?

YOU LOOK FINE.

I DO NOT LOOK FINE. I LOOK GOOD.

I AM GOOD. I'M
REALLY GOOD, LUKE.

WELL, I'M GLAD.

I MADE US SOME COFFEE.

I DON'T DRINK COFFEE.

WELL, S-S-SIT DOWN AND
WATCH ME DRINK IT, THEN.

JUST FOR A MINUTE.

LOOK AT US, CATCHIN' UP AND ALL.

I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU IN 2 YEARS.

3 YEARS. 3 YEARS.

LIZ, I... I GOTTA KNOW
WHY YOU'RE HERE.

TO SEE YOU. I
MISSED YOU. COME ON.

I DID. PLUS, IT'S MY 20TH HIGH
SCHOOL REUNION THIS SATURDAY.

I THOUGHT MAYBE I'D
COME BACK AND CHECK OUT

WHAT THE REST OF THE
CLASS OF '84 IS UP TO.

YOU'RE GOING TO THE REUNION?

I EVEN SENT IN A PICTURE
FOR THE PROGRAM.

WROTE A LITTLE
THING ABOUT MYSELF,

ABOUT HOW THINGS ARE GOING GOOD,

I HAVE A GREAT JOB,

I JUST MOVED INTO A
REALLY COOL APARTMENT

WITH A BIG PATIO SO I
CAN FINALLY GET A DOG.

PLUS, I HAVE GOT...

WAIT, WAIT, LET ME GUESS.
A... A NEW BOYFRIEND. YES.

YEAH, A-AND THIS ONE, LET ME
GUESS, IS DIFFERENT FROM THE OTHERS.

YES, HE IS.

I DARE SAY, HE MIGHT EVEN
BE THE ONE. WELL, YEAH.

COME ON, LIZ.

YOU SHOULD MEET HIM.

YOU KNOW WHAT, AS LONG
AS, UNLIKE THE OTHERS,

HE LEAVES YOUR T.V.
WHEN HE TAKES OFF,

I'LL LOVE HIM.

OK, FINE.

YOU HAVE GOOD REASON TO THINK...

GOOD REASONS? LIZ, EVERY
TIME YOU FIND "THE ONE,"

YOU WIND UP WITH YOUR
BANK ACCOUNT CLEANED OUT,

YOUR... YOUR STUFF MISSING,

AND CRYIN' ON THE PHONE
TO ME TO BAIL YOU OUT,

WHICH I DO, HAPPILY.

BUT YOU'LL UNDERSTAND
IF I HOLD OFF

ON PLANNING FOR THE
BACHELOR PARTY FOR A WHILE.

SURE.

WELL, ANYWAY, LET'S TALK
ABOUT SOMETHING ELSE.

YES, LET'S TALK ABOUT
SOMETHING ELSE.

YOU SAID YOU HAD A NEW JOB.

YES, I DO. I DO. I'M
MAKING MY OWN JEWELRY,

BEADED NECKLACES AND EARRINGS,

SOME CRYSTAL.

GETTIN' INTO FEATHERS
NOW. FEATHERS.

I'M REALLY GOOD.

VERY BIG ON THE RENAISSANCE
FAIRE CIRCUIT. WHAT'S THAT?

WHERE I SELL THEM, THE
RENAISSANCE FAIRE CIRCUIT.

IT'S A TOTAL TRIP. I WEAR
THE LONG SKIRT, I HAVE A HAT

ONE OF THOSE CORSETS THAT
SQUISH MY BOOBS ALL UP HIGH.

AND I YELL, "HUZZAH
FOR THE TIPPER!"

THAT'S YOUR GREAT NEW JOB?

SELLING EARRINGS AT
THE RENAISSANCE FAIRE?

I KNOW IT SOUNDS FLAKY...

NO, WHAT? "HUZZAH
FOR THE TIPPER"

WITH YOUR SQUISHED-UP
BOOBS. NOT FLAKY AT ALL.

LOOK, I... I HAVE TO
GO BACK TO WORK.

LUKE, COME ON.

WELL, COME ON, LIZ, I MEAN, YOU'RE
SELLING EARRINGS IN A BOOTH,

AND YOU HOOKED UP
WITH ANOTHER WINNER.

YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW HIM.

WHAT ABOUT YOUR SON? WHAT
ABOUT JESS? YOU TALK TO HIM LATELY?

YOU NOTICE HE'S NOT EVEN HERE?

HE SENT ME A LETTER.
HE'S WITH HIS FATHER.

THAT'S IT? THAT'S THE
EXTENT OF THE CONTACT?

HE'S 19. YOU CAN'T
TELL HIM ANYTHING.

YOU DEFINITELY CAN'T
IF YOU DON'T TRY. I TRIED.

NO, I TRIED. YOU GAVE UP.

I THOUGHT YOU'D BE
BETTER FOR HIM THAN I WAS.

OH, YEAH. I WAS GREAT FOR
HIM. I GAVE HIM A PLACE TO CRASH

WHILE HE LIED TO ME
ABOUT EVERYTHING,

ABOUT GOING TO
SCHOOL, ABOUT WAL-MART.

YOU KNOW I STOLE
HIS CAR? YOU WHAT?

THE MIDDLE OF THE
NIGHT, I BREAK INTO HIS CAR,

STEALING IT AND HIDING
IT IN DAD'S OLD GARAGE.

WHY? WHY? 'CAUSE I'M CRAZY.

'CAUSE I THINK, NOW HE'LL
HAVE TO GO TO SCHOOL.

NOW HE'LL HAVE
TO GRADUATE. NOW...

OH, WELL, WE SAW
HOW THAT TURNED OUT.

HE RAN OFF TO LIVE WITH
THE BUM WHO ABANDONED HIM.

THAT'S HOW GREAT A JOB I DID.

YOU TRIED.

WELL, I'M GREAT
AT TRYING, AREN'T I?

WELL, I KNOW YOU HAVE A LOT
OF WORK TO DO, SO I'M GONNA GO.

WHERE ARE YOU STAYIN'?

WITH CARRIE DUNCAN.

CRAZY CARRIE DUNCAN?

SHE'S NOT CRAZY. SHE
JUST LIKES THE BOYS.

I'LL SAY. YOU SHOULD TALK.

YOU MADE OUT WITH HER
AT THE HOMECOMING GAME.

I DID NOT.

I DID NOT MAKE OUT WITH
CRAZY CARRIE DUNCAN

AT THE HOMECOMING GAME.

IT WAS REALLY GOOD TO SEE YOU,

AND YOU DO LOOK GOOD.

I WILL MAKE SURE
CARRIE KNOWS THAT.

WAIT. WAIT. WAIT. THE
TRACKING SAYS IT'S IN ATLANTA.

WHAT IS IT DOING IN ATLANTA?

WHO'S THIS COUNTRY THAT
SPEAKS ENGLISH? AMERICA.

EVERY DAY SHE
LEARNS SOMETHING NEW.

OK, DENNIS, IT IS TIME TO
GET PROACTIVE ON THIS.

MILD-MANNERED JASON STILES
SUDDENLY DARTED INTO A PHONE BOOTH,

RIPPED OFF HIS SHIRT, AND
BECAME PROACTIVE MAN.

I'M SORRY. I DIDN'T
GET THAT LAST PART.

ABLE TO BE PROACTIVE WHEREVER
THERE'S ACTIVITY OF A PRO NATURE.

DENNIS, JUST DO THIS.

A MESSENGER IS COMING IN AN HOUR
TO PICK UP THE BOX WITH THE CHECKS.

THE BOX WITH THE CHECKS IS
IN THE DRAWER BY THE FLOOR.

THE VESSEL WITH THE PESTLE
HOLDS THE BREW THAT IS TRUE.

I'M SORRY. I'M KIND
OF DISTRACTED.

GET OFF THE PHONE.

IT'S THE LAST ONE, I
PROMISE. 2 MINUTES, TOPS.

2 MINUTES AND I'LL THROW IT
IN THE LAKE. THERE'S A LAKE?

WE JUST DROVE BY THE LAKE.

I MISSED THE LAKE. CAN
WE DRIVE BY IT AGAIN LATER?

2 MINUTES.

MY DELIVERYMAN IS VERY
GOOD, VERY DEPENDABLE.

HE WILL CALL YOU
WITH A 2-HOUR WINDOW.

LET ME CHECK HIS
AVAILABILITY. THANK YOU.

HI, MRS. KIM.

LORELAI.

WOW, YOU'VE GOT A LOT
OF NEW STUFF IN HERE.

SHE'S FINE. SHE'S
AT YALE WITH RORY.

HMM.

HERE IT IS.

LET'S SEE, WE HAVE MONDAY
BETWEEN 1:00 AND 3:00 OPEN.

UH, GREAT.

NO. NO. NO. I DON'T SEE ANY
REASON THAT CAN'T WORK OUT.

OK, UH, I'M SORRY,

BUT EUROPE, ASIA, AFRICA,
AND WHEREVER BJORK'S FROM,

HAVE TO DO WITHOUT YOU TODAY.

I'M PUTTING THE
KIBOSH ON THE PHONE.

I'M SORRY, MISTER, BUT I AM
CLICKING THAT THING OFF MYSELF.

NO, NO, NO, I'M
STILL HERE, EMILY.

THERE'S JUST A LOT OF
COMMOTION AROUND ME.

NO, I'M NOT IN THE OFFICE.
I TOOK THE MORNING OFF.

YEAH, YES, RICHARD
DESERVES A MORNING OFF, TOO.

OK. I'LL SEE YOU AT
THE HOTEL. OK. BYE.

I PULLED A MUSCLE WAVING AT YOU.

HOW WAS I SUPPOSED TO KNOW
YOU WERE TALKING TO MY MOTHER?

IT WAS A VERY PERSONAL WAVE.

IT WAS A BIG, BROAD,
OVER-THE-TOP PERSONAL WAVE.

SHE CALLED YOU?

ARE YOU DOING A MRS.
ROBINSON THING WITH MY MOTHER?

YES. I WAS VISITING RICHARD
ONE DAY, AND HE STEPPED OUT

AND EMILY LIT A CIGARETTE AND DID
THE TRIANGLE THING WITH HER THIGH...

WELL, YOU SAID HOTEL.

SHE WANTS ME TO COME TO SOME
CHARITY THING AT A HOTEL TOMORROW.

WAIT. IF I CANNOT
BE ON THE PHONE,

THEN YOU CANNOT BE ON THE PHONE.

HELLO. LORELAI, IT'S ME.

LORELAI GILMORE IS A HYPOCRITE.

HELLO, EMILY.

WHY ARE YOU CALLING ME EMILY?

UH, 'CAUSE THAT'S YOUR NAME.

ASK ME AGAIN AND I'LL TELL YOU
THE SAME. WHO WAS THAT YELLING?

NO ONE YOU'D KNOW. WHAT'S UP?

I'M HAVING TROUBLE FILLING
THESE 8 SEATS YOUR FATHER BOUGHT

FOR THE RARE MANUSCRIPT ACQUISITION
CHARITY DINNER TOMORROW NIGHT.

THIS IS JASON.

THAT'S THE SAME MAN I HEARD
BEFORE. IS HE HARASSING YOU?

NO, YES, I'M ON THE
STREET. GET AWAY, YOU.

IT'S JUST INSANITY
OUT HERE TODAY.

WELL, THAT'S NOT GOOD.

WALK DOWN A DIFFERENT STREET.

TURNING THE CORNER NOW.

SO THERE'S A MANUSCRIPT THING?

YES, IT'S A FUNDRAISER,
AND WE'RE STUCK.

AND I'M DESPERATE FOR ATTENDEES.

I'LL GO. SURE. YES.

REALLY?

I'LL BE THERE. HOW MUCH DO I
GIVE? NOTHING. WE'VE ALREADY PAID.

OK, WHY DON'T YOU
LEAVE THE DETAILS

ON WHERE TO MEET UP AND
ALL ON THE HOME MACHINE.

I WILL. THANK YOU.

AND PLEASE GET
OUT OF THE STREET.

I WILL. BYE.

OK, OK, BYE.

DID SHE HEAR ME?

YES, BUT SHE THINKS YOU'RE
A RAVING STREET LOON.

OK, THIS IS EXACTLY THE REASON
WHY I HATE HIDING RELATIONSHIPS.

I KNOW. WE'RE GONNA GET CAUGHT.

WE CAN'T TELL THEM.
WE'RE GONNA GET CAUGHT.

THIS WAS JUST A
FREAK OCCURRENCE.

THIS IS DESTINED TO BE REPEATED.

THEY'LL BE MAD THAT I HID IT.

THEY'LL BE MADDER
THE LONGER YOU HIDE IT.

THEY'LL SCREW THINGS UP.
I DON'T WANT THAT. I LIKE US.

BUT IT'S INEVITABLE.

THEY'RE GONNA SEE US
TOGETHER SOMEPLACE

OR A TRAFFIC REPORT'LL
TAKE PICTURES OF CARS

ON THE EXPRESSWAY,
WE'LL BE IN THE CAR.

AND RICHARD WILL BE WATCHING
THE NEWS, AND HE WILL SEE US.

SO, BARRING SOME SORT OF
STAR TREK -LIKE CLOAKING DEVICE,

WHICH WAS PROBLEMATIC IN
EVERY INCARNATION OF STAR TREK.

I REMEMBER KIRK
COMPLAINING ABOUT IT,

I REMEMBER PICARD
COMPLAINING ABOUT IT

AND THEY WILL SEE US,
AND WE'LL GET CAUGHT.

I'M VERY UNCOMFORTABLE
DATING A TREKKIE.

HUH, I... I JUST, I DON'T
FEEL GOOD ABOUT THIS.

IT MAKES ME VERY NERVOUS.

I HAD A DIFFICULT PHONE CALL THIS
MORNING WITH OUR JAPANESE PARTNERS

AND I DIDN'T BREAK A SWEAT.

I HAD THAT TESTY CALL FROM THE
CLIENT IN CALIFORNIA, NOT A DROP.

BUT YOUR MOTHER CALLS,
AND I AM SOAKED THROUGH.

ON YOUR MORNING
OFF, TOO. I'M SORRY.

THAT'S OK.

DO YOU WANT ME TO WRING
YOUR SHIRT OUT FOR YOU?

NO, IT'S OLD. AND
I LIKE US, TOO,

BY THE WAY, WHICH IS WHY

I FEEL SO STRONGLY ABOUT THIS.

I KNOW. I'M... I'M NOT MAD.

I KNOW THAT, TOO. AND I'LL
DO WHATEVER YOU WANT.

YOU KNOW THEM BETTER THAN I.

I'LL TELL THEM.

REALLY? YES.

YES. UM, TONIGHT'S OUR
FRIDAY NIGHT DINNER.

DAD'S GONE, BUT STARTING WITH
EMILY MIGHT BE FOR THE BEST.

I... I COULD TALK TO
RICHARD, IF YOU WANT.

NO, NO, NO, IT'S
MY THING. I'LL DO IT.

GOOD. UH, LOOK, PHONE IS OFF.

OH, GOOD. LET'S GO
BUY SOME FURNITURE.

CUSTODY OF YOUR CHILDREN

BECAUSE MENTAL
HEALTH CARE SUPPORT...

SO, YOU'RE JUST SITTING
HERE WATCHING T.V.

I'M STUDYING. LOOK
AT TED KENNEDY.

I'VE ALWAYS ADMIRED
HIM AS A SENATOR,

BUT YOU SEE HIM AND
THINK IT'S JUST SO UNFAIR

THAT FAT MEN LOOK GOOD IN SUITS.

GIRLS GAIN A COUPLE OF POUNDS

AND EVERY PIECE OF
FASHION BETRAYS IT.

OFF. WHAT?

I WANT TO TALK TO YOU ABOUT
YOUR BOYFRIEND SITUATION.

JAMIE? I'M SORRY, I SHOULD
HAVE SAID "BOYFRIENDS."

OH, YOU MEAN A
CERTAIN OTHER FELLOW.

CUT THE COYNESS. I WANT TO
TALK ABOUT YOU HAVING AN AFFAIR

WITH PROF. ASHER FLEMING

AND AT THE SAME TIME,
STRINGING ALONG POOR JAMIE

WITH NO CONCERN
FOR HIS FEELINGS.

IT'S NOT AN AFFAIR.

AFFAIR, RELATIONSHIP,
FLING, TETE-A-TETE,

WHATEVER YOU WANT TO CALL IT.

I'M VERY SURPRISED
BY THIS. HOW SO?

YOU'VE NEVER WANTED
TO DISCUSS ASHER BEFORE.

WELL, I DON'T PARTICULARLY WANT TO
DISCUSS HIM NOW, BUT I'M FORCED TO.

WHAT'S FORCING YOU?
I JUST RAN INTO JAMIE,

AND HE'S WANDERING
AROUND, LONELY,

MISSING YOU, SCARED
OF LOSING YOU,

AND YOU'RE SITTING
HERE WATCHING C-SPAN.

NOBODY WATCHES C-SPAN.
IT'S JUST ON IN THE BACKGROUND.

YOU'VE GOT TO CHOOSE,
PARIS. IT'S BECOME PRETTY CLEAR

THAT THE WHATEVER-YOU-CALL-IT
WITH THE PROFESSOR

IS NOT A SHORT-LIVED THING.

I'D SAY THAT'S ACCURATE.

AND YOU CAN JUST CALL HIM ASHER.

HE'S MY TEACHER,

SO I THINK I'LL STICK
WITH PROFESSOR.

PROFESSOR JUST MAKES
HIM SOUND OLD. HE IS OLD.

HE'S 60. TODAY'S 60 IS
WHAT 50 WAS 20 YEARS AGO.

HE'S GOT THE BODY
OF A 40-YEAR-OLD.

I DON'T WANT TO
TALK ABOUT HIS BODY.

I KNOW WE'VE GOT A MAY-DECEMBER
ROMANCE GOING ON HERE.

THIS IS NOT MAY-DECEMBER.
THIS IS MAY-MING DYNASTY.

AN AGE DIFFERENCE LIKE
THIS IS VERY COMMON.

PEOPLE DATING PEOPLE THE
SAME AGE ARE PASSE NOW.

MY GRANDFATHER
INTRODUCED YOU TO HIM.

DO YOU SEE HOW
AWKWARD THIS IS FOR ME?

WELL, HOT MEN TEND
TO RUN IN PACKS.

DO NOT EVER SAY
ANYTHING LIKE THAT AGAIN.

MARY, YOU ARE SUCH A PRUDE.

WELL, AT LEAST I'M NOT
MEAN TO PEOPLE WHO LOVE ME.

WHERE IS YOUR HEART?

I KNOW, I'VE MISHANDLED
THE JAMIE SITUATION.

HE JUST CAN'T TAKE A HINT.

YOU'VE GOT TO DO SOMETHING.

BECAUSE ONE OF US HERE
DOES CARE ABOUT JAMIE

AND I THINK IT'S ME. I KNOW.

HE'S MY FIRST REAL BOYFRIEND.

WELL, YOU GOT LUCKY WITH HIM.

AND HE'S CRAZY ABOUT ME,
NEVER QUITE FIGURED OUT WHY.

DON'T GET SELF-DEPRECATING,
IT'S OBNOXIOUS.

HE'S BEEN SO FORGIVING.

I'VE BEEN PRETTY MEAN.

JUST TALK TO HIM
AND SEE HOW IT GOES.

HEY, IT'S ME. WE'VE
GOT TO END THIS. NOW.

THERE'S JUST NO
REASON TO PROLONG IT.

I'M SORRY YOU CAME
ALL THE WAY OUT HERE.

WELL, RORY SHOWED ME THE LIGHT.

SHE MADE ME SEE THAT THERE'S
JUST NO POINT IN GOING ON.

PARIS NO, SHE CAME
HOME AND WE TALKED.

SHE'S HERE IF YOU WANT
TO ASK HER YOURSELF.

DO NOT GIVE ME THAT PHONE.

ANYHOW, I'M REALLY SORRY, JAMIE.

REALLY. BYE.

THAT HAD ALL THE TACT
OF A NAZI STORM TROOPER.

IT WAS YOUR IDEA. BREAKING
UP WAS NOT MY IDEA.

WELL, HE'D BE STUPID IF HE
THOUGHT THAT'S WHY I'D DO IT.

THIS WAS GOOD. IT WAS RIGHT.

I'M GLAD I DID IT.

YOU CAN HAVE THE
T.V., IF YOU WANT.

HELLO, LUKE. GETTING
COLD AGAIN, ISN'T IT?

YEAH, IT'S THAT UNPREDICTABLE
TIME OF YEAR, MRS. CASSINI.

STAY WARM. YEAH, YOU, TOO.

IT'S A RAMBLER AMBASSADOR.
4-DOOR, RUSTY BROWN,

PRETTY MUCH A BEAT-UP CLUNKER.

NO. I DON'T KNOW HOW
LONG IT'S BEEN MISSING.

I MEAN, I SAW IT FOR
SURE LAST WEEK.

NO, I DON'T DRIVE IT
MUCH. IT'S A 2ND CAR, OK?

JUST, UH,

JUST CALL ME WHEN
YOU FIND IT. THANKS. BYE.

HEY. HEY.

TANNA TOLD ME THAT...
THAT CHESTER GUY

LIKED HER HAIR AND ASKED HER
OUT. SHE'S THROWING UP NOW.

GOOD FOR HER.

GOING SOMEWHERE?

HOME FOR THE WEEKEND.

JUST TO GET AWAY FROM ME?

NO, I'VE GOT DINNER AT MY
GRANDMA'S TONIGHT, OBLIGATORY THING,

THEN OUR TOWN'S HAVING ITS
FIRELIGHT FESTIVAL TOMORROW,

WHICH I HAVEN'T
MISSED SINCE I WAS ONE.

SO NOT SEEING YOU, WELL, QUITE
FRANKLY, IS JUST A FRINGE BENEFIT.

WOULD IT MAKE YOU
FEEL ANY BETTER

IF I TOLD YOU HOW
AWFUL I FEEL. NO.

I DON'T UNDERSTAND WHY
YOU'RE SO UPSET ABOUT THIS.

I KNOW YOU DON'T. I TRIED TO
CALL JAMIE AGAIN. HE WON'T PICK UP.

CAN YOU BLAME HIM? NO.

I KNOW I LET IT GO TOO LONG.

I JUST WASN'T SURE WHAT
ASHER WAS THINKING AT FIRST.

I WASN'T SURE IF IT WAS
JUST A FLING FOR HIM.

BUT OVER THE PAST FEW WEEKS,

HE'S BEEN MENTIONING
STUFF ABOUT THE FUTURE.

HE'S SPENDING A MONTH
TEACHING A COUPLE COURSES

AT OXFORD OVER THE SUMMER.

AND THEN HE ASKED ME WHAT I
PLANNED TO DO OVER THE SUMMER.

THERE WAS A DEFINITE IMPLICATION
THAT HE WAS WONDERING

IF I WAS AVAILABLE
DURING THE SUMMER.

I THINK HE MIGHT ASK ME
TO GO WITH HIM TO OXFORD.

WHY ELSE WOULD HE ASK? BEATS ME.

I'M NOT COUNTING MY
CHICKENS. GOOD THINKING.

BUT IT IS THE FIRST INDICATION.

LOOK, I'VE GOT TO HIT THE ROAD.

IT WAS HIS ACCENT THAT DID IT.

I'M SUCH THE TOTAL ANGLOPHILE.

WHEN I WAS A KID, I WAS
IN LOVE WITH NEIL KINNOCK

WHO? FORMER HEAD
OF THE LABOUR PARTY?

TEETH LIKE A HORSE,
BUT, OH, THAT VOICE.

THEN IT WAS ROGER MOORE.

ENGLISH ACCENTS ARE NICE.

HE TIVO'S FRONTLINE.

WHO DOES? ASHER.

SO WE CAN WATCH IT
TOGETHER. TERRIFIC.

YOU DON'T THINK HE MEANT
WE WOULD BE TOGETHER?

I WASN'T THERE. I'M NOT
COUNTING MY CHICKENS.

I THINK THAT'S SMART.

I NEVER WANTED TO HURT JAMIE.

I JUST DON'T KNOW HOW
TO DO THESE THINGS.

I'M NOT VERY NICE SOMETIMES.

I HOPE ASHER DOESN'T
SEE THAT IN ME.

I DIDN'T MEAN TO HOLD YOU UP.

HAVE A GOOD WEEKEND.

I JUST WANT YOU TO BE
HAPPY. YOU KNOW THAT, RIGHT?

THANKS. I'M HAPPY.

♪

MOM? HELLO?

OH, RORY. GOOD.

I DID NOT SUDDENLY GO HALF-DEAF.

WERE YOU SUPPOSED
TO MEET ME HERE?

NO. I'M A SURPRISE.

AS WAS YOUR CONCEPTION.

I'LL JUST BE 2 MINUTES.

AS WAS YOUR CONCEPTION.

HEY, HOW WAS YOUR
DAY WITH JASON?

FUN. HE MAKES ME LAUGH.

I LIKE THAT.

HE'S VERY OFF-CENTER.

IT'S BEEN AWHILE SINCE I'VE
BEEN WITH SOMEONE OFF-CENTER.

COOL.

I'M TELLING MOM
TONIGHT ABOUT US.

I THINK GRANDMA KNOWS
YOU'RE MY MOTHER.

ABOUT ME AND JASON.

VERY BRAVE.

YEAH. JASON'S WANTED
TO FROM THE BEGINNING.

IT'S THE MATURE THING
TO DO AND THAT'S WHY

I DIDN'T WANT TO
DO IT, BUT IT'S TIME.

THAT'S WEIRD.

WHAT'S WEIRD?

THIS. BREAD IS WEIRD?

IT'S WEIRD WHEN IT'S HERE.

IT DOES NOT MAKE A GOOD SNACK.

IT DOES WHEN YOU ADD
STUFF TO IT, LIKE CHEESE.

YOU HAVE CHEESE? YEAH.

IT'S NOT DONNER PASS,
RORY. WE HAVE CHEESE.

WOW. IT'S LIKE A
FREAKING CORNUCOPIA.

OH, IT'S JUST STUFF.

THERE'S THE CHEESE. YEAH.

WHY ARE YOU MAKING
THIS SUCH A BIG DEAL?

BECAUSE WE NEVER HAD REAL FOOD

THE WHOLE TIME I WAS GROWING UP.

WE ALWAYS HAD FOOD. THIS
FRIDGE WAS NEVER EMPTY.

YEAH, WE HAD LEFTOVERS FROM
TAKEOUT. COLD PIZZA, LUKE'S FRIES,

BUT NEVER STUFF
YOU HAD TO ASSEMBLE.

CHILL OUT ON THE INQUIRIES.
IS THAT A CUCUMBER?

LISTEN, YOU WOULD MAKE A
TERRIBLE PRIVATE INVESTIGATOR.

YOU GET HUNG UP ON ALL SORTS OF
DUMB STUFF THAT DOES NOT MATTER.

COME ON. WE'RE LATE.
I'LL DRIVE. SOUNDS GOOD.

OH, MY GOD. IS THAT A TOMATO?

ENOUGH ALREADY, LET'S GO.

AH, MY GIRLS ARE
ARRIVING TOGETHER.

HI, MOM. HI, GRANDMA.

YOU SMELL LIKE COFFEE.

WE HAVEN'T HAD ANY.

IT'S SO STRONG.

OK, MOM, I REALLY DON'T
LIKE YOU SNIFFING ME.

HEY, WHERE'S GRANDPA TONIGHT?

HE'S IN MANHATTAN,
HAVING DINNER WITH CLIENTS.

HE JUST CALLED.

THEY'RE AT SOME RESTAURANT
NEAR TIMES SQUARE.

HE SAID TIMES SQUARE JUST KEEPS
GETTING CLEANER AND CLEANER.

THEY DIDN'T STUMBLE UPON ONE
PROSTITUTE THE WHOLE NIGHT.

OH, YEAH, I HEARD THE DISNEY
COMPANY HAD THEM ALL KILLED.

WHAT I DON'T UNDERSTAND IS WHY

JASON WOULDN'T
MAKE THIS TRIP INSTEAD.

OH, WELL, HE'S MAYBE
BUSY WITH HIS OWN THING.

I KNOW FOR A FACT HE WASN'T.

RICHARD SAID HE TOOK
THE WHOLE MORNING OFF.

EVERYONE DESERVES AN
OCCASIONAL MORNING OFF.

RICHARD NEVER TAKES A MORNING OFF.
- 30,

ON THE PHONE, THEN IT'S
OUT THE DOOR TO THE OFFICE.

I BET JASON DOESN'T
ROLL OUT OF BED UNTIL 8:00.

ON THE CONTRARY, HE PROBABLY
GETS UP EARLIER THAN 8:00.

I WOULD THINK THAT HE WOULD
HAVE TO, TO KEEP UP WITH DAD.

MAKES SENSE. JUST A GUESS.

AH, I JUST FIND THAT
BOY SO IRRITATING.

HE'S ALWAYS TRYING
TO GET IN GOOD WITH ME,

COMPLIMENTING ME,
AGREEING WITH ME.

HE'S ABSOLUTELY PROSTRATING
HIMSELF AT MY FEET. IT'S SO WEAK.

YOU'RE A FORMIDABLE
OPPONENT, MOM.

THEY DON'T CALL YOU THE IDI
AMIN OF THE D.A.R. FOR NOTHING.

HE'S SO GRATING ABOUT IT. I'M NEVER
FULLY COMFORTABLE AROUND HIM.

YOU SHOULD MAYBE TRY HARDER.

I TRY, BUT EVERY TIME I SEE HIM,

A NEW FACET OF HIS
JASONNESS COMES OUT.

IT'S GOOD TO HAVE
DIFFERENT FACETS.

THERE'S PROBABLY A LOT
YOU DON'T KNOW ABOUT HIM.

OH, I'M SURE ABOUT THAT.

YOU TWO WOULD BE
PERFECT FOR EACH OTHER.

WHAT? WHO? ME AND JASON?

A MATCH MADE IN HEAVEN.

WELL, THANKS A LOT.

DON'T GET UPSET.

MOTHER, YOU JUST
SPENT THE LAST 5 MINUTES

LISTING EVERY OFF-PUTTING
QUALITY JASON HAS, REAL OR IMAGINED,

AND THEN YOU PUT ME ON HIS LEVEL

AND SAY WE'RE PERFECT TOGETHER.

WHAT'S SO FUNNY?

I'M SORRY.

DID I MISS SOMETHING? DID
A CLOWN COME IN BEHIND ME

AND START DOING FUNNY PRATFALLS?

JUST THE IDEA OF YOU
AND JASON TOGETHER

IS FUNNY.

IT'S FUNNY.

IT'S VERY FUNNY.

I JUST SAID IT AS A JOKE.

YOU SAID IT AS A JOKE.

YOU TOOK IT SO SERIOUSLY.

BUT WHY IS IT SO FUNNY?

WELL, THINK ABOUT IT.

I... I AM. I'M JUST TRYING TO
FIGURE OUT WHAT YOU'RE THINKING.

WELL, IT'S OBVIOUS.

IT'S... IT'S NOT OBVIOUS
TO ME OR TO RORY.

RORY'S WONDERING, AREN'T YOU?

YEAH. WHY IS THAT
SO FUNNY, GRANDMA?

IT WOULD JUST BE SO LUDICROUS.

WHY? BECAUSE HE'S, I MEAN, YOU
KNOW, HE'S... HE'S A HARDWORKING GUY,

FROM WHAT I KNOW.

I'M SORRY. YOU'RE MAKING ME
LAUGH EVEN HARDER ABOUT THIS.

I JUST SAID IT OFFHAND.

YEAH, I KNOW. MARTINI?

YOU DIDN'T HAVE TO SHAKE IT
MUCH WITH ALL THAT LAUGHING.

YOU KNOW, THE LAUGHING
JUST SHOOK IT ON UP FOR YOU.

OH, IT'S GOOD TO LAUGH
LIKE THAT ONCE A WHILE.

OH, YEAH. I KNOW.

YOU OK? YOU DIDN'T TELL HER.

NEXT TIME? HOW ARE
YOUR MOTOR SKILLS?

I'LL DRIVE.

LUKE OH, HEY, COOP.

GOOD NEWS, FOUND THE CAR.

GOOD. WHO WOULD
STEAL THAT THING?

IT'S JUST A HUNK OF JUNK.

IT BROKE DOWN ON THE EXPRESSWAY

A COUPLE HOURS
AGO. THE GUY WAS IN IT.

YOU GOT THE GUY? YEAH.

BUT THERE'S NOT A LOT
WE CAN DO. HE'S THE OWNER.

I'M THE OWNER.

NOT ACCORDING TO THE
REGISTRATION. IT'S REGISTERED TO A...

JESS MARIANO.

YEP, SAYS YOU'RE HIS UNCLE.

REGISTRATION'S LONG
EXPIRED, TOO, NEEDS SEEING TO.

BUT I JUST FIGURED, SINCE THIS
SEEMS LIKE A FAMILY MATTER,

I'D BRING THE CAR AND
THE KID BACK TO YOU.

YEAH, A FAMILY MATTER.

WHERE DO YOU WANT IT?

RIGHT THERE'S FINE.

THIS WASN'T MY IDEA.

YOU'LL TAKE CARE OF THE
REGISTRATION? YEAH, THANKS, COOP.

YEAH, THANKS, COOP.

LET'S GO, FRANK.

NOW, LOOK WHO'S BACK.

I'M JUST HERE TO
RETRIEVE MY PROPERTY.

YOU GOT A LOT OF NERVE.
YOU GOT A LOT OF NERVE.

HOW SO? YOU STOLE MY CAR.

COOP SHOULD'VE ARRESTED YOU.

WHY DIDN'T HE ARREST YOU?

FREE DOUGHNUTS.

BEAUTIFUL.

SO YOU GOT ANYTHING
YOU WANT TO SAY?

YOU COULD'VE WASHED
IT ONCE IN A WHILE.

OK, FINE. THE CAR IS YOURS.
OUR BUSINESS HERE IS DONE.

HASTA LA VISTA.
HAVE A NICE LIFE.

OUR BUSINESS HERE IS NOT DONE.

MY CAR IS WRECKED
BECAUSE OF YOU. OH, YEAH?

3 OF THE TIRES ARE
LEAKING. IT'S GOT NO OIL.

THE FLOATS IN THE CARBURETOR
ARE PROBABLY CRACKED.

SO IT'S BACKFIRING LIKE MAD.

I MEAN, PEOPLE WERE
DUCKING WHEN I WAS DRIVING BY.

THEN IT STALLED
AND WOULDN'T START.

YOU CAN FIND MR. GOODWRENCH
IN THE YELLOW PAGES.

I THINK IT'S UNDER
"M" OR IS IT "G"?

I CAN NEVER TELL WITH
THOSE KINDS OF THINGS.

YOU'RE PAYING FOR THE REPAIRS.

DON'T MAKE ME LAUGH.

IT'S BROKEN BECAUSE OF YOU.

THE THING WAS A PIECE
OF JUNK TO BEGIN WITH.

THE PAINT'S HOLDING IT TOGETHER.

AND THE EXPIRED REGISTRATION?

I'M GONNA HAVE TO PAY A FINE.

I GUESS IT DIDN'T WORK
OUT WITH YOUR DAD?

IT WORKED OUT FINE.

WHAT ARE YOU DOING
BACK EAST, BUDDY?

STILL SEARCHING? BEEN TRAVELING.

OH, THANKS FOR ALL THE
SWELL CARDS AND LETTERS

YOU SENT WHILE YOU WERE AWAY.

YOU KICKED ME OUT. WHAT WERE
YOU EXPECTING, A CANDYGRAM?

I DIDN'T KICK YOU OUT. YOU
GOT YOURSELF KICKED OUT.

NICE SPIN, YOU SHOULD
WORK FOR BUSH.

WHAT DID YOU GET OUT OF
THIS KEROUAC TRIP OF YOURS?

YOU WRITE THE GREAT AMERICAN
NOVEL? LEARNED THE HARMONICA?

WHAT DO YOU CARE? YOU
AREN'T MY GUARDIAN ANYMORE.

AND I BLESS EVERY
DAY THAT I'M NOT.

WHEN YOU'RE NOT GOOD AT
SOMETHING, IT'S BEST TO CUT AND RUN.

OH, SORRY I TRIED TO GIVE
YOU A DECENT LIFE, JESS.

SORRY I DIDN'T THINK DRIVING A
FORKLIFT FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE

WAS GOOD ENOUGH FOR YOU.

THAT IS CONDESCENDING, ISN'T IT?

I THOUGHT YOU WERE A
FRIEND OF THE WORKINGMAN.

OH, THAT SISTER OF MINE,
WHAT A PRIZE. WHAT A PRIZE.

WHAT DOES SHE HAVE
TO DO WITH ANY OF THIS?

I TELL HER ABOUT THE CAR,

SHE RUNS AND TELLS YOU.
THAT'S WHAT HAPPENED, RIGHT?

AND HER CLAIMING
SHE HAD NO CONTACT.

AGAIN, THE CAR IS MINE.

LIZ WAS DOING THE RIGHT THING.

THAT'S WHAT FAMILY DOES.

FAMILY? WHAT A JOKE
COMING FROM YOU.

GO CLEAN YOUR
COUNTERS. I'M TIRED.

SO, YOU STAYING IN TOWN?

I DON'T KNOW OF ANY 24-HOUR
AUTO SHOPS AROUND HERE, DO YOU?

YOU'RE NOT STAYING WITH ME.

IT DIDN'T CROSS MY
MIND. GET IT FIXED, QUICK.

BELIEVE ME, NO ONE WANTS
IT FIXED FASTER THAN ME.

YOU STAY AWAY FROM
HER WHILE YOU'RE HERE.

STAY AWAY FROM WHO?

YOU KNOW WHO I MEAN.

GEE, YOU'RE SO CRYPTIC.

YOU'VE DONE ALL THE DAMAGE
THERE YOU'RE GONNA, OK?

I'M HERE TO GET MY
CAR, AND THEN I'M GONE.

WHERE ARE YOU STAYING?

THE BACKSEAT'S AS
COMFY AS ANYWHERE. FINE.

PLEASE DO NOT SAY
THAT WORD AGAIN.

IT'S A FREE COUNTRY.

JUST SAY "HOT CHOCOLATE"
OR SAY NOTHING AT ALL.

MMM, TERRIFIC. HOCHO.

OH, I HATE THAT. IT'S
SO CUTESY-MUTESY.

DO YOU HATE IT AS MUCH AS
MY FAVORITE SUMMER TREAT?

DON'T. NICE COLD FROYO.

STOP. JUST STOP.
WHO ARE YOU CALLING?

I'M CALLING JASON. I
PROMISED I WOULD CHECK IN.

HELLO. I'M DYING
HERE. HOW'D IT GO?

WELL, IT DIDN'T.

OH. OH.

SORRY. YOU CHICKEN OUT?

IT'S A LONG STORY. THE
TIMING WAS VERY BAD.

YOU CHICKENED OUT.

NO, NO. I... YEAH, KIND OF.

LORELAI, WE'VE GOT TO DO IT.

WELL, THE TIMING
HAS TO BE RIGHT.

IT'S GONNA BE AWKWARD
NO MATTER WHEN YOU DO IT.

NOT IF THEY'RE BOTH UNCONSCIOUS.

THEN YOU'LL BE DEALING WITH WHY
YOUR PARENTS ARE UNCONSCIOUS

AND DOCTORS' CONSULTATIONS,
AND PHONING FRIENDS AND RELATIVES.

TIMING IS BAD THERE, TOO.

LISTEN, TRUST ME, THIS
WAS NOT GOOD TIMING.

AND I SWEAR TO YOU,

THERE WILL BE MUCH BETTER
TIMING IN THE NEAR FUTURE.

WELL, NEAR IS NEAR.

I... I... I... I CAN'T DEFINE
IT MORE THAN THAT.

UH, IT'S CLOSER THAN
FAR. HOW'S THAT?

I DON'T BELIEVE THIS.

AH, HONEY, I GOT TO
CALL YOU BACK, OK? BYE.

UM, IS THAT...

YES. OH

I DON'T BELIEVE THIS.

WHAT IS HE DOING HERE?

WHAT IS HE DOING THERE?

ASLEEP IN HIS CAR.
IS HE LIVING IN IT?

I DON'T SEE STUFF.

DOES LUKE KNOW HE'S HERE?

WELL, I KNOW WHAT YOU KNOW.

HE MAY NOT KNOW.

WELL, IT'S IN FRONT OF HIS
PLACE. HOW CAN HE NOT KNOW?

IT'S FREEZING OUT HERE. HE
COULD DIE. HE MUST NOT KNOW.

OR DOESN'T CARE.

THINK DAVID BLAINE
PUT HIM UP TO THIS?

WHY IS HE HERE? WHY
DID HE COME BACK?

LIGHT'S STILL ON IN THERE. LUKE'S IN
THERE. SHOULD WE GO TALK TO HIM?

NO. IT'S TOO WEIRD.
IT'S... AND IT'S,

IT'S WEIRD. IT'S
DEFINITELY WEIRD.

I'LL JUST SEE YOU AT HOME,

UM, 'CAUSE I DON'T WANT TO DEAL
WITH THIS. I'LL SEE YOU AT HOME.

HEY, COME ON IN.

ARE YOU AWARE OF WHO'S
OUT THERE? YEAH, I'M AWARE.

THAT HE'S SLEEPING IN HIS CAR?

AND IT'S ABOUT 35 DEGREES?

HE'S A TOUGH GUY.
HE CAN TAKE IT.

LUKE, WHY IS HE BACK HERE?

BECAUSE I'M STUPID. MEANING?

WELL, HIS MOM SHOWED UP.
FOR WHAT REASON, I DON'T KNOW.

I'M STILL WAITING FOR
THAT SHOE TO DROP.

I MENTIONED JESS' CAR,
THEN, BOOM, THERE'S JESS.

SO, THE MYSTERY WOMAN
FROM THIS MORNING, THAT'S LIZ?

IN ALL HER GLORY.

QUITE A DAY YOU'VE HAD.

OH, IT'S BEEN DELIGHTFUL.

I THINK BOBBY
McFERRIN'S GONNA WRITE

ONE OF THOSE HAPPY BOO-BOOP-DEE-DOO
SONGS OF HIS ABOUT THIS.

SHE LIED TO ME ABOUT
HAVING CONTACT WITH JESS,

SO SHE'S LYING ABOUT
EVERYTHING ELSE.

BUT WHY IS HE
SLEEPING IN HIS CAR?

BECAUSE HE'S GONNA
WAIT TO HAVE IT FIXED.

IT'S A POINT OF PRIDE
WITH THE LITTLE PUNK.

PLEASE, DON'T TELL RORY. HE'LL BE GONE
TOMORROW. NO REASON TO UPSET HER.

SHE'S ALREADY SEEN HIM.

OH, MAN.

SHE'S FINE, LUKE. SHE'S OVER IT.

HE WON'T GO NEAR HER,
I'LL MAKE SURE OF THAT.

AGAIN, I DON'T THINK
IT'S NECESSARY.

SHE CAN FEND FOR HERSELF.

WHAT A LIE IT ALL IS!

ALL WHAT IS? FAMILIES.

I MEAN, THEY'RE JUST MESSES.

IT'S LIKE A SPILLED DRINK
THAT KEEPS SPILLING

AND YOU GOT TO
KEEP CLEANING IT UP.

YOU SCRUB AND YOU SCRUB, AND
YOU JUST CAN'T GET THE STAIN UP.

SHOW ME A HAPPY
FAMILY, JUST... JUST ONE.

DIDN'T THAT TOLSTOY GUY SAY
SOMETHING ABOUT FAMILIES?

PROBABLY

IT'S A FAMOUS THING HE SAID. IT'S
LIKE, "ALL FAMILIES ARE UNHAPPY"

OR "HAPPY ON THE SURFACE,"
"UNHAPPY IN THE SAME WAY."

SOUNDS A LITTLE INCOMPLETE.

MAYBE HE COULDN'T COMPLETE IT

'CAUSE HE WAS DEALING
WITH HIS STINKING FAMILY.

THE HALLMARK PEOPLE KNOW
ABOUT YOU? YOU'RE A NATURAL.

GOD, I'M TIRED OF
CLEANING UP MESSES.

I'M TIRED OF HELPING PEOPLE WHO
DO NOTHING TO HELP THEMSELVES.

I'M SORRY YOU'RE SO UPSET.

I DON'T WANT YOU TO HAVE TO DEAL

WITH A FROZEN
CARCASS IN THE MORNING.

HE'LL BE FINE. OK.

TRY TO GET SOME REST, OK? RELAX.

WATCH A LITTLE T.V.
NO FAMILY SHOWS.

YEAH, YEAH, I'M...
I'M GOING UP NOW.

BYE.

HEY. HEY.

SO YOU WANT AN UPDATE?

I GUESS.

IT'S A WHOLE THING.

AH, MYSTERY WOMAN FROM
THIS MORNING, JESS' MOM.

WHOA!

IT'S STILL A MYSTERY, THOUGH.

LUKE'S NOT QUITE
SURE WHAT SHE'S UP TO.

SHE CAME WITH JESS?

SHE CALLED HIM OR
SOMETHING. IT'S VERY CONFUSING.

LUKE WAS NOT IN AN
EXPANSIVE STORYTELLING MOOD.

ALL HE KNOWS IS THAT JESS
SAID HE CAME FOR HIS CAR

AND HE'S NOT LEAVING WITHOUT IT.

OK. YEAH.

WHICH MEANS HE MIGHT BE HERE
PART OF THE DAY TOMORROW.

SO, DANGER, WILL ROBINSON.

I CAN LIVE WITH IT, REALLY.

THAT'S WHAT I TOLD LUKE.

GOOD.

OK. SO I'M GONNA GO UPSTAIRS,
GET WARM. GOOD NIGHT.

HEY, UM, BEFORE YOU GO, WHAT
HAPPENED TO OUR MOVIE CHANNELS?

WHAT DO YOU MEAN? I WAS
FLIPPING THROUGH THE CABLE,

AND A BUNCH OF OUR
CHANNELS ARE GONE.

OH, THAT'S NOT RIGHT.
AND YOU HAVE BREAD.

THERE'S A CONNECTION?

ARE YOU SKIMPING? CUTTING
BACK ON THINGS? WHAT?

CABLE, EATING OUT, THE BREAD,
THE CHEESE, THE TOMATO?

OK. HEY, IF YOU'RE GONNA
TRY ME IN A COURT OF LAW,

THE BREAD, THE TOMATO,
AND I NEED TO HIRE A LAWYER.

THERE'S NO TAKEOUT
IN THE FRIDGE,

NO TAKEOUT
CONTAINERS IN THE TRASH.

ARE YOU GOING THROUGH THE TRASH?

AND I'M NOT SEEING THE STACKS
OF MAGAZINES LYING AROUND.

WE ALWAYS SUBSCRIBE
TO EVERYTHING.

YES, WE DO.

I READ THEM ALL. THEY'RE IN
THE RECYCLE BIN. GO CHECK.

IT EVEN SEEMS A
LITTLE DARKER IN HERE

LIKE YOU'RE USING A
LOWER-WATT BULB OR SOMETHING.

OH, MY GOD, YOU'RE
READING INTO EVERYTHING.

YOU'RE NOT HAVING
MONEY PROBLEMS? NO.

I MEAN, I'M NOT GONNA BE ON THE
FORTUNE 500 LIST ANYTIME SOON,

BUT I'M FINE.

WITH THE INN AND EVERYTHING.

YES. WE'RE GETTING A HORSE.

COOL. AND FOOD FOR THE HORSE?

HE'LL BE WELL-FED.

JUST AS LONG AS
YOU'RE WELL-FED, TOO.

I'LL CALL THE CABLE COMPANY IN THE
MORNING. WE SHOULD GET THOSE CHANNELS.

WELL, YOU'D TELL ME, RIGHT? YES.

GOOD NIGHT.

GOOD NIGHT, ANGEL.

GO AWAY.

WHAT? I'M SPENDING
THE NIGHT WITH NICOLE.

THANKS FOR THE UPDATE.

THE HIDDEN KEY'S STILL THERE.

YOU CAN STAY HERE
AND FREEZE TO DEATH

IF YOU WANT, OR
YOU CAN GO INSIDE.

I DON'T REALLY GIVE A DAMN,
MAKES NO DIFFERENCE TO ME.

I'M FINE.