Gilligan's Island (1964–1992): Season 3, Episode 30 - Gilligan, the Goddess - full transcript
Natives arrive on the island looking for a white goddess to sacrifice to their volcano god.
* just sit right back
and you'll hear a tale *
* a tale of a fateful trip *
* that started
from this tropic port *
* aboard this tiny ship *
* the mate was
a mighty sailin' man *
* the skipper brave and sure *
* 5 passengers set sail that day
for a 3-hour tour *
* a 3-hour tour *
* the weather started
getting rough *
* the tiny ship was tossed *
* if not for the courage
of the fearless crew *
* the minnow would be lost,
the minnow would be lost *
* the ship set ground
on the shore of this *
* uncharted desert isle *
* with gilligan *
* the skipper, too *
* the millionaire and his wife *
* the movie star *
* the professor and Mary Ann *
* here on gilligan's isle *
What do they think
this is, a freeway?
Uhh!
Ohh!
Eh...
Ohh! Ohh!
Oh, can't a man have
a little peace around
here? A little nap?
Eh...huna huna zuwama.
Lay a hand on me,
and I'll take this 5-iron
and wrap it around
your head.
No. We come in peace.
Oh. Sort of
a primitive
peace corps.
Well...my name is
thurston howell III.
What exactly
is yours?
I am king kaliwani,
emperor of eternal night...
Knight of eternal day...
Seeker of eternal truth...
And lord of eternal
eternities.
Uh, oh, yes--
keeper of
eternal flame.
Oh, a gas tycoon.
Well, I always like
to do business with the
chairman of the board.
Ans guwamo.
I'll come right
to the point.
Can you rescue us
and take us back
to civilization
and what exactly
will it cost me?
Must find
white goddess winomi.
Yes, well,
of course.
We'll discuss
the scavenger hunt
a little later.
Now, if you rescue us,
would you say a fair
price would be...
Uh--uh--uh, $1000?
No talk rescue!
I'll talk louder.
Would you mean
$5000?
Legend say that
on 8th moon,
white goddess winomi
will be found on
island to west.
I know you.
Changing the subject,
driving a hard bargain.
Well, I can be
pushed so far.
$100,000, and that
is my final offer!
Halo yama ikwala.
Halo halo dewama.
Soon time for
new year feast.
Must find
goddess winomi.
Well, let's settle
this white goddess
business.
Where exactly,
pray tell,
do we find her?
Already find 2.
Problem is
only need one.
Oh, you mean ginger
or Mary Ann!
Now if one of them
is the white goddess,
you'll rescue us?
Uhh!
Oh, joy!
I just saved
$100,000!
Thurston,
look at these
marvelous blooms.
Don't they--
Oh, who are
these persons?
And what are
they doing
down there?
Lovey, I'd like you
to meet his majesty,
king kaliwani.
King?
Emperor of eternal night,
knight of eternal day,
seeker of--
no need to go through
all that again.
He's really a king.
Oh, thurston,
royalty!
Wait till he stands up.
He's really king-sized.
Oh, please, please,
your majesty,
do stand up.
Oh, this is truly island
of white goddess.
Thurston,
did you hear that?
What a charming thing
for him to say.
I wonder if he knows
grace and prince ranier?
It is indeed
an honor,
your majesty.
May I extend to you
the hospitality of
our little island?
Ohh!
I got 'em! I got 'em!
Tie 'em up! Tie 'em up!
Gilligan, you dunce!
You've done it again!
These savages
are civilized!
Oh.
This is,
unforgivable,
your majesty.
What an implausible
breach of protocol!
Here, the rear
escape hatch.
Get me out of here!
What's this outrigger
doing here?
If I'm not mistaken,
it's the handiwork
of the primitive
papuan tribe.
Oh, I had no idea
we were so near
their island.
But, professor,
if they're so primitive,
how did they get this?
It means they must
have contact with
civilization.
Must have eternal flame!
Your highness...
Eh?
Is this your lighter?
Ah! You find
eternal flame.
Some cheapo
eternal flame.
You like to join
eternal ancestor?
That's a very fine
lighter you have there,
your highness.
Would you mind telling
me where you got it?
Sometime, ship come.
Captain give me
eternal flame...
Plus one can
eternal lighting fluid.
You mean, ships land
on your island?
Sometime. Got no
time for talk now.
Must start fire dance!
You care to dance?
Uh, no, thank you.
I'm a waltz man myself.
Eh.
You, care to dance?
No, I don't think so.
You dance!
Come to think of it,
I do need the practice.
* ah oom ba da da *
* ooba ooba ooba... *
oh, of course I'll be
their little white goddess
if it means a chance
of getting off
this silly island.
Oh, lovey, we knew
you'd cooperate.
Darling, after all,
I've had so much experience.
You remember at college,
I was queen of the
prune bowl parade?
Uh, pitted prune,
of course.
Oh, you'll make
a lovely white goddess!
Oh, thank you, dear.
Are you ready for this?
Guess who thinks
she's a goddess?
Would I be too far off
if I guessed Mrs. Howell?
When I think of some
women's ego, it just
makes me sick.
I mean, after all,
who'd make a better
goddess than me?
Well, uh, now that
you've brought it up,
I could think of just
one other person.
Who?
Me.
You? Well,
you're too short.
Well, goddesses
don't have to be tall.
Why, they just have
to be...Like goddesses.
I'm surrounded
by egomaniacs.
* oom ba da da *
* da da ooga ooga *
gods fail us.
No give sign.
No tell us which
is true goddess.
We dance some more.
No, no. Let's
catch our breath
before we ask again.
King, I have good news!
Behold your
white goddess!
This is the most
thrilling moment
of my life.
Your majesty...
Here is your goddess.
Mine is
the original.
Your highness!
Guess what I've found.
Eh, don't tell me.
Your goddess...
Winomi!
Huh. Looks like
we all came off
the same rack.
What we do now?
Why don't you try
eeny meeny miney moe?
Good idea!
Eeny meeny
miney moe,
catch 'em goddess
by 'em toe,
soon to island
back we go,
eeny meeny
miney...Moe!
The gods
have spoken!
Now I've seen
everything.
You a goddess?
Well, I'm most
capable of coping
with the protocol
involved.
You see, I was presented
at the court of St. James.
Not to mention
prune queen.
Pitted prune queen.
I think
this whole contest
is fixed.
And I know by whom!
What I wanna know
is by how much!
I've had enough.
More than enough.
Girls, remember
the big picture.
We're going
to be rescued.
Sore losers.
You make volcano god
very happy.
Volcano god?
At end of ceremony,
you marry volcano.
Hey, skipper, I never knew
volcanoes could get married.
Big honor for
goddess winomi.
To be thrown
into a volcano?
No man is going to throw
my wife into a volcano!
Wife? She
your wife?
Yes! I'm very honored.
Uhh...too bad.
Goddess winomi
must be maiden.
Girl with mate
cannot be bride
to volcano.
Thurston, thank you
for being my mate!
Heh heh.
Yes, darling.
Must find one
from other 2.
You mean ginger
or Mary Ann?
I choose.
Oh, no. Wait
a minute, king.
Look, we don't
like your rules,
so the game is over.
Over?
That's right.
We'd like to get you
a white goddess, but
you play too rough.
I'm sorry.
This store is closed.
Try another market.
Nice going,
little buddy.
Thank you.
You're welcome.
Last word?
Definitely.
We go.
Perhaps it was
a shallow volcano.
Oh, thurston!
But we were gonna be
rescued if you'd just...
Say, you know,
those natives
took it better
than I thought
they would.
I wonder where
they went.
I don't know.
Must have white goddess
by sundown!
They've got
poisonous blowguns!
Now I know what
they went for.
One of your woman
must go, or take by force!
Poison
or no poison,
you're gonna get one
of our girls over
our dead bodies!
He's so impetuous.
Skipper...can we
lay down now?
I'm all for jumping 'em.
There's only 3 of them,
and there's 4 of us.
Use your head,
skipper.
Just one poison dart,
and it would be
3 against 3.
Yeah, and another
poison dart, 3 against 2,
and another poison dart,
3 against one, and another
poison dart--
gilligan!
None.
There must be some
way of doing this
without anyone
getting hurt,
especially a howell.
The only way to do
that is to give them
a white goddess.
Well, they're
not getting one
of our girls.
Maybe they'd settle
for a girl gorilla
or something.
Oh, that's the most
ridiculous thing--
now wait.
Wait a minute.
Perhaps we can
trick them.
Perhaps one of us
could dress as--
a gorilla?
No, no, no,
as a woman.
Did I hear
you right?
Why not?
One of us could dress
as a woman and volunteer
to go with them.
Yeah, and get thrown
in the volcano.
Of course not.
The rest of the men
could follow in a raft
and keep watch
at a safe distance.
Oh, and keep checking on
any visiting ships
that might be
at their island.
Now, wait a minute.
Look around
the table.
Do you think any
one of us could pass
as a white goddess?
Do you have
a better idea?
Well,
of course!
What is it?
I haven't
thought of
anything yet.
Do you need any help?
No,
thank you, ginger.
I'm afraid
I just killed
your living girdle.
Come on out.
Let me have
a look at you.
Turn.
Well, what do you think?
Well, uh...
You've got nothing
to worry about
if they throw you
in the volcano.
I don't?
No. It would throw
you right back.
Take a deep breath.
Now hold still,
or I'll catch you
in the zipper.
There!
Mary Ann...
I'd like your
candid opinion.
Do you think I could
pass as a woman?
Well, it depends
on 2 things.
2 things?
Mm-hmm.
How dark the night,
and how bad
their eyesight.
Oh, I'm sorry.
I'm afraid i'm
in the wrong--
thurston, have you
gone out of your mind?
What are you doing
in my wig and my best
neg--negligee?
Well, it was the only
thing that fit, you see,
and looked chic
at the same time.
I don't understand.
Well, one of us men
have to become
the white goddess.
Oh, darling,
you're so gallant.
You're doing this
to save the girls.
No, I'm doing it
to save my business.
I've got to get
to that king's island
and back to
civilization.
What do you girls do
when your earrings
are pinching your ears?
Oh, we just think of
how much our shoes
are pinching our feet.
Oh, yeah. Great.
Aah! I think i'm
going to faint.
No, lovey, don't.
Leave us alone.
We have some
serious girl talk.
Oh, dear, well...
Don't say anything
catty, girls,
just because
I'm leaving first.
Heh heh heh!
Well, I must say,
you two are
a gruesome twosome.
You don't make us
a thrillsome threesome,
I might say.
You know, I don't think
this is going to work.
Maxine, I don't know
about you and Laverne,
but I'm getting
out of this.
Wait a minute!
Where's gilligan?
Gilligan?
Gilligan!
Somebody call...
Me?
I'd hate to judge
this beauty contest
because nobody'd win.
He might be able
to pull it off.
Oh, no. I'm not gonna
dress up like a girl.
Oh, yes, you are,
and that's an order.
I'm not gonna
dress up like a girl,
and you can't make me!
You can't make me!
You can't make me!
We already did.
Gilligan, if I ever
saw a white goddess,
you are it.
I think this
just might work.
You look
positively
ravishing.
But what are we
gonna call him?
I mean, whoever
heard of a goddess
named gilligan?
Why don't you
call her gillianna?
What am I saying?
Gillianna! That's
such a musical,
feminine--
turn around.
Move for us,
gillianna.
They're killing me.
I don't see how
women wear them.
They think how much
the earrings are
pinching their ears.
Sun sink low in sky.
No more time.
Must choose
goddess now.
- King!
- Huh?
Have I got
a goddess for you!
Behold!
We forgot all about
little gillianna--
ouch! Those heels!
She was on the other
side of the island,
picking berries.
Your highness,
gillianna.
This is king kaliwani.
Emperor of night,
knight of--
yes, we know.
Charmed, I'm sure.
They tell me
you're looking for
a white goddess.
Are you
married woman?
Married? I'm
not even engaged.
Your highness,
is this a goddess,
or is this a goddess?
The gods have chosen.
You must go to them.
Couldn't they come
to my place?
Tonight we
have ceremony.
Make goddess
official.
Heh heh heh.
O hu nini pu!
O hu nini pu!
O hu haha hu!
O hu haha hu...
O hu haha hu...
O hu haha hu...
O hu haha hu...
Goddess of night...
Goddess of day...
Goddess of work...
Goddess of play...
Goddess of moon...
With pale,
white skin...
Bride of volcano...
When throw her in!
Uhh!
Here. When tide
come in, we leave.
Don't hurry
on my account.
Psst! Gilligan.
Oh, it's you, skipper.
Keep up the good work.
You're doing great.
I have a feeling
the worst is
yet to come.
You're right.
He's coming up
the path now.
Put your wig back on.
Skipper,
don't leave me.
I'm not gonna
leave you.
Don't worry
about a thing.
I'm just a whistle away.
Who is it?
King kaliwani.
Oh, come in.
Soon you come
to my island.
Yes, I know.
You no look happy.
I was thinking about
my future husband,
the volcano.
I don't think we're
meant for each other.
Funny. Me think
same thing.
You're not gonna throw me
in the volcano?
You beautiful woman.
Heh heh...You're not
so bad yourself.
Have you very much
on my mind.
Want you for myself.
Huh? Oh...Ohh...
How do you mean?
Throw dummy
in volcano.
Keep you for me.
Make you my wife.
As soon as we
follow gilligan
to the other island,
we'll be back
in civilization
in no time.
Ah, the sounds
of civilization.
The rustle of money
as I make a deposit.
The sound of
marching as I
drill our servants.
The...
As I walk down
the street.
Girls,
Mr. and Mrs. Howell,
we've gotta do something
and do it quick.
Well, what's wrong,
skipper?
It's the king.
He's getting fresh
with gilligan.
Oh, what a cad!
That bounder!
If he finds out
he's not a girl,
the wedding's off,
the trip to the
other island's off,
the rescue is off.
Oh, we've got
to keep him away
from gilligan.
Exactly.
Mrs. Howell,
why don't you take
that fruit over to him,
keep him busy
for a while?
Oh, that's a good idea,
captain.
I always did hear that
the way to a man's stomach
is through the kitchen.
Or is it the way
to a man's heart?
Oh, well,
it doesn't matter.
Take him the fruit.
Mary Ann,
we can
entertain him.
I've got
those darling
dancing costumes
from
the u.S.O. Tour.
Oh, great!
Let's get started.
Well, how about you,
Mr. Howell?
Can you do anything?
Well, yes, yes. I can do
some magic tricks.
I just happen to have
my magician's outfit.
I always carry it
with me.
Oh, well, fine.
Well, why don't
you go get it!
You don't go get
a magician's outfit.
You simply go snap
of the fingers,
presto, zinko, zoppo!
And there you are.
A lovely cape.
Ha ha!
See what I mean?
Aren't you married?
Have 33 wives...
But they no
understand me.
Lonely king.
Pretty knee.
Very pretty!
You know, I'll show you
something prettier!
Ooh!
Just in time.
Anybody for
passion fruit?
No, no!
Not passion fruit.
No! Want
to be alone!
I think I'll have
a banana.
Oh, shall I peel
it for you, dear?
Out! Out!
Well, if you feel
that way about it.
Out!
Well, if you
change your mind,
let me know.
Out!
I'm going!
Hoo!
Kaliwani have
present for winomi.
Ring.
Belong to mother.
Now give to you.
Your mother must have
a very big, fat finger.
Not for finger.
For nose.
I'm sorry, but my nose
isn't pierced.
Oh, me fix that.
Why don't we wait
till we know
each other better?
Here, take a bite, huh?
Entertainment time!
Welcome to
the club tropicana!
* da da da da, da da,
and... *
* won't you come home,
bill Bailey *
* won't you come home *
* she moaned
the whole day long *
* I'll do the cookin',
honey *
* I'll pay the rent *
* I know I done you wrong-- *
enough!
Want to be alone!
Look who thinks
he's Greta garbo.
Out!
And now...
For your pleasure...
We present...
The great...
The magnificent...
The super-stupendous...
The most phenomenal
magician of this
or any time...
Thurston howell III!
Yay! Yay!
Yay! Yay! Yay!
He knows 1,000 tricks,
and I wanna see
them all.
You only trick
I interested in.
Boy, you're
a fat one.
Now, for
my first trick,
a simple deck
of cards.
Now for
my second trick,
an ordinary
red handkerchief,
you see,
and passing
the magic hand,
and it becomes
a yellow handkerchief!
That yellow?
Now, for my final,
blockbuster trick,
a simple chapeau,
understand?
Nothing
in the chapeau.
Right? Empty.
Everyone see?
Empty.
Now, ahh!
Pull a--
magic hand,
pull a rabbit out.
That rabbit?
Wanna buy a duck?
Out! Take friend
with you! Out!
First time I ever
laid an egg.
Kikikanda!
Kikikanda!
Guard door.
Keep all out.
How about
little kiss, baby?
Oh, no, no, no!
No, no, no!
I'm not the kind of girl
you think I am!
I know. Let's play
hide-and-seek.
Then, if you catch me,
I'll give you
a great, big kiss.
Kiss? That good game.
How you play?
You close your eyes,
and count to 10.
Hmm. 1, 2, 3--
no, no, no, no!
Not so fast!
We women can't move
around fast in heels.
1...2...3...
Heh heh heh heh.
4...
5...6...7...
8...
4!
5...6...7...8...
4!
5...6...7...8...
4!
5...6...7...8...
...9, 10!
Ready or not,
here I come!
Where are you?
* where are you? *
I'm coming!
No time for games.
Aah!
Mohula humba!
Mohula humba!
Mohula humba what?
Goddess vanish
before very eyes!
Nothing left
but hair and dress.
I warn you before.
Gods angry.
No make pass
at goddess.
Bad magic here.
Leave
this island.
We go now!
Uhh!
Gilligan!
Where's gilligan?
Hmm.
Goddess! You're
out of uniform.
It's no use,
Mr. Howell.
They would've found
out sooner or later
I wasn't a girl.
Well, you can't
quit now.
We need them
to get rescued.
I hate being a girl.
Besides, he was
touching my knee.
Small price to pay
for civilization.
Come along, my boy--
I mean, goddess.
Follow me!
Hey! Wait!
Come back!
Come back!
Take him with you--
I mean, take her
with you!
Quick, goddess,
into this.
In--in--
into your robe.
Here, here, here.
There you are.
Mr. Howell,
it's no use.
No, you look gorgeous,
gorgeous, gorgeous!
I don't think so.
Look.
I'm writing
this adventure up
in our log.
Wonder how you spell
"king kaliwani."
K-i-n-g. King.
Thanks a lot,
gilligan.
Where you going
with that?
I'm putting it
outside with the
rest of your stuff.
What's going on here?
Well, I was a white
goddess, right?
Well, yeah. Well,
I guess you
could say that.
And a goddess is
royalty, right?
Well, yes,
I guess so.
Well, you don't expect
us royalty to live with
you commoners, do you?
Oh, gilligan,
you put that chest
down right now.
Yes, sir.
Aah! Ohh!
* now this is the tale
of our castaways *
* they're here
for a long, long time *
* they'll have to make
the best of things *
* it's an uphill climb *
* the first mate
and his skipper, too *
* will do their very best *
* to make the others
comfortable *
* in the tropic island nest *
* no phone, no lights *
* no motorcars,
not a single luxury *
* like Robinson crusoe *
* it's primitive
as can be *
* so join us here
each week, my friends *
* you're sure to get a smile *
* from 7 stranded castaways *
* here on gilligan's isle *
and you'll hear a tale *
* a tale of a fateful trip *
* that started
from this tropic port *
* aboard this tiny ship *
* the mate was
a mighty sailin' man *
* the skipper brave and sure *
* 5 passengers set sail that day
for a 3-hour tour *
* a 3-hour tour *
* the weather started
getting rough *
* the tiny ship was tossed *
* if not for the courage
of the fearless crew *
* the minnow would be lost,
the minnow would be lost *
* the ship set ground
on the shore of this *
* uncharted desert isle *
* with gilligan *
* the skipper, too *
* the millionaire and his wife *
* the movie star *
* the professor and Mary Ann *
* here on gilligan's isle *
What do they think
this is, a freeway?
Uhh!
Ohh!
Eh...
Ohh! Ohh!
Oh, can't a man have
a little peace around
here? A little nap?
Eh...huna huna zuwama.
Lay a hand on me,
and I'll take this 5-iron
and wrap it around
your head.
No. We come in peace.
Oh. Sort of
a primitive
peace corps.
Well...my name is
thurston howell III.
What exactly
is yours?
I am king kaliwani,
emperor of eternal night...
Knight of eternal day...
Seeker of eternal truth...
And lord of eternal
eternities.
Uh, oh, yes--
keeper of
eternal flame.
Oh, a gas tycoon.
Well, I always like
to do business with the
chairman of the board.
Ans guwamo.
I'll come right
to the point.
Can you rescue us
and take us back
to civilization
and what exactly
will it cost me?
Must find
white goddess winomi.
Yes, well,
of course.
We'll discuss
the scavenger hunt
a little later.
Now, if you rescue us,
would you say a fair
price would be...
Uh--uh--uh, $1000?
No talk rescue!
I'll talk louder.
Would you mean
$5000?
Legend say that
on 8th moon,
white goddess winomi
will be found on
island to west.
I know you.
Changing the subject,
driving a hard bargain.
Well, I can be
pushed so far.
$100,000, and that
is my final offer!
Halo yama ikwala.
Halo halo dewama.
Soon time for
new year feast.
Must find
goddess winomi.
Well, let's settle
this white goddess
business.
Where exactly,
pray tell,
do we find her?
Already find 2.
Problem is
only need one.
Oh, you mean ginger
or Mary Ann!
Now if one of them
is the white goddess,
you'll rescue us?
Uhh!
Oh, joy!
I just saved
$100,000!
Thurston,
look at these
marvelous blooms.
Don't they--
Oh, who are
these persons?
And what are
they doing
down there?
Lovey, I'd like you
to meet his majesty,
king kaliwani.
King?
Emperor of eternal night,
knight of eternal day,
seeker of--
no need to go through
all that again.
He's really a king.
Oh, thurston,
royalty!
Wait till he stands up.
He's really king-sized.
Oh, please, please,
your majesty,
do stand up.
Oh, this is truly island
of white goddess.
Thurston,
did you hear that?
What a charming thing
for him to say.
I wonder if he knows
grace and prince ranier?
It is indeed
an honor,
your majesty.
May I extend to you
the hospitality of
our little island?
Ohh!
I got 'em! I got 'em!
Tie 'em up! Tie 'em up!
Gilligan, you dunce!
You've done it again!
These savages
are civilized!
Oh.
This is,
unforgivable,
your majesty.
What an implausible
breach of protocol!
Here, the rear
escape hatch.
Get me out of here!
What's this outrigger
doing here?
If I'm not mistaken,
it's the handiwork
of the primitive
papuan tribe.
Oh, I had no idea
we were so near
their island.
But, professor,
if they're so primitive,
how did they get this?
It means they must
have contact with
civilization.
Must have eternal flame!
Your highness...
Eh?
Is this your lighter?
Ah! You find
eternal flame.
Some cheapo
eternal flame.
You like to join
eternal ancestor?
That's a very fine
lighter you have there,
your highness.
Would you mind telling
me where you got it?
Sometime, ship come.
Captain give me
eternal flame...
Plus one can
eternal lighting fluid.
You mean, ships land
on your island?
Sometime. Got no
time for talk now.
Must start fire dance!
You care to dance?
Uh, no, thank you.
I'm a waltz man myself.
Eh.
You, care to dance?
No, I don't think so.
You dance!
Come to think of it,
I do need the practice.
* ah oom ba da da *
* ooba ooba ooba... *
oh, of course I'll be
their little white goddess
if it means a chance
of getting off
this silly island.
Oh, lovey, we knew
you'd cooperate.
Darling, after all,
I've had so much experience.
You remember at college,
I was queen of the
prune bowl parade?
Uh, pitted prune,
of course.
Oh, you'll make
a lovely white goddess!
Oh, thank you, dear.
Are you ready for this?
Guess who thinks
she's a goddess?
Would I be too far off
if I guessed Mrs. Howell?
When I think of some
women's ego, it just
makes me sick.
I mean, after all,
who'd make a better
goddess than me?
Well, uh, now that
you've brought it up,
I could think of just
one other person.
Who?
Me.
You? Well,
you're too short.
Well, goddesses
don't have to be tall.
Why, they just have
to be...Like goddesses.
I'm surrounded
by egomaniacs.
* oom ba da da *
* da da ooga ooga *
gods fail us.
No give sign.
No tell us which
is true goddess.
We dance some more.
No, no. Let's
catch our breath
before we ask again.
King, I have good news!
Behold your
white goddess!
This is the most
thrilling moment
of my life.
Your majesty...
Here is your goddess.
Mine is
the original.
Your highness!
Guess what I've found.
Eh, don't tell me.
Your goddess...
Winomi!
Huh. Looks like
we all came off
the same rack.
What we do now?
Why don't you try
eeny meeny miney moe?
Good idea!
Eeny meeny
miney moe,
catch 'em goddess
by 'em toe,
soon to island
back we go,
eeny meeny
miney...Moe!
The gods
have spoken!
Now I've seen
everything.
You a goddess?
Well, I'm most
capable of coping
with the protocol
involved.
You see, I was presented
at the court of St. James.
Not to mention
prune queen.
Pitted prune queen.
I think
this whole contest
is fixed.
And I know by whom!
What I wanna know
is by how much!
I've had enough.
More than enough.
Girls, remember
the big picture.
We're going
to be rescued.
Sore losers.
You make volcano god
very happy.
Volcano god?
At end of ceremony,
you marry volcano.
Hey, skipper, I never knew
volcanoes could get married.
Big honor for
goddess winomi.
To be thrown
into a volcano?
No man is going to throw
my wife into a volcano!
Wife? She
your wife?
Yes! I'm very honored.
Uhh...too bad.
Goddess winomi
must be maiden.
Girl with mate
cannot be bride
to volcano.
Thurston, thank you
for being my mate!
Heh heh.
Yes, darling.
Must find one
from other 2.
You mean ginger
or Mary Ann?
I choose.
Oh, no. Wait
a minute, king.
Look, we don't
like your rules,
so the game is over.
Over?
That's right.
We'd like to get you
a white goddess, but
you play too rough.
I'm sorry.
This store is closed.
Try another market.
Nice going,
little buddy.
Thank you.
You're welcome.
Last word?
Definitely.
We go.
Perhaps it was
a shallow volcano.
Oh, thurston!
But we were gonna be
rescued if you'd just...
Say, you know,
those natives
took it better
than I thought
they would.
I wonder where
they went.
I don't know.
Must have white goddess
by sundown!
They've got
poisonous blowguns!
Now I know what
they went for.
One of your woman
must go, or take by force!
Poison
or no poison,
you're gonna get one
of our girls over
our dead bodies!
He's so impetuous.
Skipper...can we
lay down now?
I'm all for jumping 'em.
There's only 3 of them,
and there's 4 of us.
Use your head,
skipper.
Just one poison dart,
and it would be
3 against 3.
Yeah, and another
poison dart, 3 against 2,
and another poison dart,
3 against one, and another
poison dart--
gilligan!
None.
There must be some
way of doing this
without anyone
getting hurt,
especially a howell.
The only way to do
that is to give them
a white goddess.
Well, they're
not getting one
of our girls.
Maybe they'd settle
for a girl gorilla
or something.
Oh, that's the most
ridiculous thing--
now wait.
Wait a minute.
Perhaps we can
trick them.
Perhaps one of us
could dress as--
a gorilla?
No, no, no,
as a woman.
Did I hear
you right?
Why not?
One of us could dress
as a woman and volunteer
to go with them.
Yeah, and get thrown
in the volcano.
Of course not.
The rest of the men
could follow in a raft
and keep watch
at a safe distance.
Oh, and keep checking on
any visiting ships
that might be
at their island.
Now, wait a minute.
Look around
the table.
Do you think any
one of us could pass
as a white goddess?
Do you have
a better idea?
Well,
of course!
What is it?
I haven't
thought of
anything yet.
Do you need any help?
No,
thank you, ginger.
I'm afraid
I just killed
your living girdle.
Come on out.
Let me have
a look at you.
Turn.
Well, what do you think?
Well, uh...
You've got nothing
to worry about
if they throw you
in the volcano.
I don't?
No. It would throw
you right back.
Take a deep breath.
Now hold still,
or I'll catch you
in the zipper.
There!
Mary Ann...
I'd like your
candid opinion.
Do you think I could
pass as a woman?
Well, it depends
on 2 things.
2 things?
Mm-hmm.
How dark the night,
and how bad
their eyesight.
Oh, I'm sorry.
I'm afraid i'm
in the wrong--
thurston, have you
gone out of your mind?
What are you doing
in my wig and my best
neg--negligee?
Well, it was the only
thing that fit, you see,
and looked chic
at the same time.
I don't understand.
Well, one of us men
have to become
the white goddess.
Oh, darling,
you're so gallant.
You're doing this
to save the girls.
No, I'm doing it
to save my business.
I've got to get
to that king's island
and back to
civilization.
What do you girls do
when your earrings
are pinching your ears?
Oh, we just think of
how much our shoes
are pinching our feet.
Oh, yeah. Great.
Aah! I think i'm
going to faint.
No, lovey, don't.
Leave us alone.
We have some
serious girl talk.
Oh, dear, well...
Don't say anything
catty, girls,
just because
I'm leaving first.
Heh heh heh!
Well, I must say,
you two are
a gruesome twosome.
You don't make us
a thrillsome threesome,
I might say.
You know, I don't think
this is going to work.
Maxine, I don't know
about you and Laverne,
but I'm getting
out of this.
Wait a minute!
Where's gilligan?
Gilligan?
Gilligan!
Somebody call...
Me?
I'd hate to judge
this beauty contest
because nobody'd win.
He might be able
to pull it off.
Oh, no. I'm not gonna
dress up like a girl.
Oh, yes, you are,
and that's an order.
I'm not gonna
dress up like a girl,
and you can't make me!
You can't make me!
You can't make me!
We already did.
Gilligan, if I ever
saw a white goddess,
you are it.
I think this
just might work.
You look
positively
ravishing.
But what are we
gonna call him?
I mean, whoever
heard of a goddess
named gilligan?
Why don't you
call her gillianna?
What am I saying?
Gillianna! That's
such a musical,
feminine--
turn around.
Move for us,
gillianna.
They're killing me.
I don't see how
women wear them.
They think how much
the earrings are
pinching their ears.
Sun sink low in sky.
No more time.
Must choose
goddess now.
- King!
- Huh?
Have I got
a goddess for you!
Behold!
We forgot all about
little gillianna--
ouch! Those heels!
She was on the other
side of the island,
picking berries.
Your highness,
gillianna.
This is king kaliwani.
Emperor of night,
knight of--
yes, we know.
Charmed, I'm sure.
They tell me
you're looking for
a white goddess.
Are you
married woman?
Married? I'm
not even engaged.
Your highness,
is this a goddess,
or is this a goddess?
The gods have chosen.
You must go to them.
Couldn't they come
to my place?
Tonight we
have ceremony.
Make goddess
official.
Heh heh heh.
O hu nini pu!
O hu nini pu!
O hu haha hu!
O hu haha hu...
O hu haha hu...
O hu haha hu...
O hu haha hu...
Goddess of night...
Goddess of day...
Goddess of work...
Goddess of play...
Goddess of moon...
With pale,
white skin...
Bride of volcano...
When throw her in!
Uhh!
Here. When tide
come in, we leave.
Don't hurry
on my account.
Psst! Gilligan.
Oh, it's you, skipper.
Keep up the good work.
You're doing great.
I have a feeling
the worst is
yet to come.
You're right.
He's coming up
the path now.
Put your wig back on.
Skipper,
don't leave me.
I'm not gonna
leave you.
Don't worry
about a thing.
I'm just a whistle away.
Who is it?
King kaliwani.
Oh, come in.
Soon you come
to my island.
Yes, I know.
You no look happy.
I was thinking about
my future husband,
the volcano.
I don't think we're
meant for each other.
Funny. Me think
same thing.
You're not gonna throw me
in the volcano?
You beautiful woman.
Heh heh...You're not
so bad yourself.
Have you very much
on my mind.
Want you for myself.
Huh? Oh...Ohh...
How do you mean?
Throw dummy
in volcano.
Keep you for me.
Make you my wife.
As soon as we
follow gilligan
to the other island,
we'll be back
in civilization
in no time.
Ah, the sounds
of civilization.
The rustle of money
as I make a deposit.
The sound of
marching as I
drill our servants.
The...
As I walk down
the street.
Girls,
Mr. and Mrs. Howell,
we've gotta do something
and do it quick.
Well, what's wrong,
skipper?
It's the king.
He's getting fresh
with gilligan.
Oh, what a cad!
That bounder!
If he finds out
he's not a girl,
the wedding's off,
the trip to the
other island's off,
the rescue is off.
Oh, we've got
to keep him away
from gilligan.
Exactly.
Mrs. Howell,
why don't you take
that fruit over to him,
keep him busy
for a while?
Oh, that's a good idea,
captain.
I always did hear that
the way to a man's stomach
is through the kitchen.
Or is it the way
to a man's heart?
Oh, well,
it doesn't matter.
Take him the fruit.
Mary Ann,
we can
entertain him.
I've got
those darling
dancing costumes
from
the u.S.O. Tour.
Oh, great!
Let's get started.
Well, how about you,
Mr. Howell?
Can you do anything?
Well, yes, yes. I can do
some magic tricks.
I just happen to have
my magician's outfit.
I always carry it
with me.
Oh, well, fine.
Well, why don't
you go get it!
You don't go get
a magician's outfit.
You simply go snap
of the fingers,
presto, zinko, zoppo!
And there you are.
A lovely cape.
Ha ha!
See what I mean?
Aren't you married?
Have 33 wives...
But they no
understand me.
Lonely king.
Pretty knee.
Very pretty!
You know, I'll show you
something prettier!
Ooh!
Just in time.
Anybody for
passion fruit?
No, no!
Not passion fruit.
No! Want
to be alone!
I think I'll have
a banana.
Oh, shall I peel
it for you, dear?
Out! Out!
Well, if you feel
that way about it.
Out!
Well, if you
change your mind,
let me know.
Out!
I'm going!
Hoo!
Kaliwani have
present for winomi.
Ring.
Belong to mother.
Now give to you.
Your mother must have
a very big, fat finger.
Not for finger.
For nose.
I'm sorry, but my nose
isn't pierced.
Oh, me fix that.
Why don't we wait
till we know
each other better?
Here, take a bite, huh?
Entertainment time!
Welcome to
the club tropicana!
* da da da da, da da,
and... *
* won't you come home,
bill Bailey *
* won't you come home *
* she moaned
the whole day long *
* I'll do the cookin',
honey *
* I'll pay the rent *
* I know I done you wrong-- *
enough!
Want to be alone!
Look who thinks
he's Greta garbo.
Out!
And now...
For your pleasure...
We present...
The great...
The magnificent...
The super-stupendous...
The most phenomenal
magician of this
or any time...
Thurston howell III!
Yay! Yay!
Yay! Yay! Yay!
He knows 1,000 tricks,
and I wanna see
them all.
You only trick
I interested in.
Boy, you're
a fat one.
Now, for
my first trick,
a simple deck
of cards.
Now for
my second trick,
an ordinary
red handkerchief,
you see,
and passing
the magic hand,
and it becomes
a yellow handkerchief!
That yellow?
Now, for my final,
blockbuster trick,
a simple chapeau,
understand?
Nothing
in the chapeau.
Right? Empty.
Everyone see?
Empty.
Now, ahh!
Pull a--
magic hand,
pull a rabbit out.
That rabbit?
Wanna buy a duck?
Out! Take friend
with you! Out!
First time I ever
laid an egg.
Kikikanda!
Kikikanda!
Guard door.
Keep all out.
How about
little kiss, baby?
Oh, no, no, no!
No, no, no!
I'm not the kind of girl
you think I am!
I know. Let's play
hide-and-seek.
Then, if you catch me,
I'll give you
a great, big kiss.
Kiss? That good game.
How you play?
You close your eyes,
and count to 10.
Hmm. 1, 2, 3--
no, no, no, no!
Not so fast!
We women can't move
around fast in heels.
1...2...3...
Heh heh heh heh.
4...
5...6...7...
8...
4!
5...6...7...8...
4!
5...6...7...8...
4!
5...6...7...8...
...9, 10!
Ready or not,
here I come!
Where are you?
* where are you? *
I'm coming!
No time for games.
Aah!
Mohula humba!
Mohula humba!
Mohula humba what?
Goddess vanish
before very eyes!
Nothing left
but hair and dress.
I warn you before.
Gods angry.
No make pass
at goddess.
Bad magic here.
Leave
this island.
We go now!
Uhh!
Gilligan!
Where's gilligan?
Hmm.
Goddess! You're
out of uniform.
It's no use,
Mr. Howell.
They would've found
out sooner or later
I wasn't a girl.
Well, you can't
quit now.
We need them
to get rescued.
I hate being a girl.
Besides, he was
touching my knee.
Small price to pay
for civilization.
Come along, my boy--
I mean, goddess.
Follow me!
Hey! Wait!
Come back!
Come back!
Take him with you--
I mean, take her
with you!
Quick, goddess,
into this.
In--in--
into your robe.
Here, here, here.
There you are.
Mr. Howell,
it's no use.
No, you look gorgeous,
gorgeous, gorgeous!
I don't think so.
Look.
I'm writing
this adventure up
in our log.
Wonder how you spell
"king kaliwani."
K-i-n-g. King.
Thanks a lot,
gilligan.
Where you going
with that?
I'm putting it
outside with the
rest of your stuff.
What's going on here?
Well, I was a white
goddess, right?
Well, yeah. Well,
I guess you
could say that.
And a goddess is
royalty, right?
Well, yes,
I guess so.
Well, you don't expect
us royalty to live with
you commoners, do you?
Oh, gilligan,
you put that chest
down right now.
Yes, sir.
Aah! Ohh!
* now this is the tale
of our castaways *
* they're here
for a long, long time *
* they'll have to make
the best of things *
* it's an uphill climb *
* the first mate
and his skipper, too *
* will do their very best *
* to make the others
comfortable *
* in the tropic island nest *
* no phone, no lights *
* no motorcars,
not a single luxury *
* like Robinson crusoe *
* it's primitive
as can be *
* so join us here
each week, my friends *
* you're sure to get a smile *
* from 7 stranded castaways *
* here on gilligan's isle *