Gilligan's Island (1964–1992): Season 3, Episode 22 - Splashdown - full transcript

It was
a perfect launch,

and scorpio 6,
with astronauts Tobias
and Ryan aboard,

is on its way
to make space history.

This is the most complex

and certainly the most
ambitious mission

ever to be attempted
by man in outer space.

Tobias and Ryan
will maneuver
their spaceship

to a rendezvous
with the unmanned
scorpio ex1 capsule,

which was sent
into orbit 3 weeks ago.

The orbit
of scorpio ex1

was changed
one hour ago
by ground control,



changed to match
the apogee
and the perigee

of scorpio 6.

I don't get it.
They can find

a space capsule
in outer space,

but they can't find us
here in inner space.

Will you be quiet,
gilligan? Thank you.

When rendezvous is achieved,
astronaut Tobias will leave
his spacecraft

and go aboard
the unmanned capsule,

and then the 2 astronauts
will return to earth

in separate capsules.

Skipper, gilligan,
my calculations
of the orbital path

show that
the spacecraft

is going to pass
right over us.

Going to pass
directly above us?
Are you sure?



I'm positive.
Scorpio 6
is going to pass

directly over us
on its 9th, 16th,
and 23rd orbits.

Well,
don't you see?

It's only
going to be
155 miles away.

You mean it's just
going to be
155 miles away,

and directly
above us?

Yes, and by utilizing
the spare transistor

and diodes
from the radio,

I should be able
to establish

some kind
of communication
with them.

That mean's that...
We're saved! We're saved!

Yes!
Yeah,
we're saved!

* just sit right back
and you'll hear a tale *

* a tale of a fateful trip *

* that started
from this tropic port *

* aboard this tiny ship *

* the mate was
a mighty sailin' man *

* the skipper brave and sure *

* 5 passengers set sail that day
for a 3-hour tour *

* a 3-hour tour *

* the weather started
getting rough *

* the tiny ship was tossed *

* if not for the courage
of the fearless crew *

* the minnow would be lost,
the minnow would be lost *

* the ship's aground
on the shore of this *

* uncharted desert isle *

* with gilligan *

* the skipper, too *

* the millionaire and his wife *

* the movie star *

* the professor and Mary Ann *

* here on gilligan's isle *

Lovey,
heaven's to cashmere!

There's a moth
in my jacket.

Oh, the little
rascal!

He probably
never ate so well
in his life.

The astronauts are coming,
the astronauts are coming.!

Now, get hold
of yourself.

What exactly
are you babbling about?

The astronauts!
We're going to contact them
in orbit,

and we're all going to leave
in the space capsule.

I do believe the dear boy
has flipped his cowlick.

I gotta tell Mary Ann
and ginger. We're saved,
we're saved!

Astronauts? Saved?

I haven't
the foggiest notion
what he's babbling about.

I do wish gilligan
would learn to talk
a language

we all understood,

like English
or something.

Wait a minute, lovey.
Astronauts. Saved.

He's talking about
those 2 chaps
in the spaceship,

Ryan and Tobias.

Oh, yes.

Oh, I do hope
they're traveling
first class.

What he means
is they splashdown here.

Th-they've come
to rescue us.
Let's go greet them.

Oh, how exciting!

Whatever does one say
when one meets
an astronaut?

One doesn't say anything.
One just throws confetti.

I love confetti!

Mary Ann! Hey, ginger!
We're saved!

We're saved,
we're saved!

We're saved, we're saved,
we're saved!

What do you mean
we're saved?

It's the astronauts,
it's a space capsule!

Civilization's going back
into orbit.

We're saved, we're saved!

You mean the space capsule
landed here?

Ooh! Let's go see
those astronauts!

And the professor says
that we're going to be...

May Ann? Ginger?

Mary Ann! Ginger!

Where is it,
where is it?

Where is it,
where is it?

Where's what?
The space
capsule!

Uh, yes. I want
to give the gallant
astronauts

a generous tip
for rescuing us.

And I want
to ask them
over to our hut

for cocktails.

Whatever gave you
the crazy idea

that the space capsule
landed here?

Gilligan did.

Gilligan, how could you get
such a simple message

so fouled up?

I can't help it
if they don't understand

plain hysterical English.

I'm afraid gilligan
got carried away.

The spacecraft
hasn't landed.

However, it is orbiting
155 miles
directly above us.

But the professor's
figured out a way
to contact it.

He did? How?

I estimate the capsule
will be within range
in 6 hours.

Now, at best,
all I can transmit
is a weak radio signal.

So we're going
to have to build
a directional cone

to get
maximum efficiency.
Is that clear?

No.

No,
I must say.

No.

Well, I haven't
got time to explain it
technically.

There's a great deal
of work to be done.

Now, ginger
and Mary Ann,

I want to gather
all the vines
you can find.

Mr. and Mrs. Howell,
I want you to get
palm leaves

and tear them
into strips.

Lovey, I...
I never thought
that you'd hear

these terrible words
from my lips,

but we'll have to go
to work.

Work?

The scorpio 6 space capsule
is on it's ninth orbit.

And passing
just a few hundred miles

east of the Hawaiian
islands.

Standby now
for a direct communication
from the astronauts.

Alright, peddle,
everyone.

Peddle!

Peddle!

If these were real bikes,
we could've driven there
by now.

Can't we pretend
we're going downhill

so we can coast
a while?

Oh, my legs feel
like spaghetti!

And they're
as stiff as
breadsticks.

Spaghetti and breadsticks.
They must be Italian bikes.

Keep peddling.
We mustn't lose power!

We've run
into a problem here
at mission control.

Communication
with the space capsule

has been disrupted
by a mysterious static.

No one seems to know
where it's coming from.

I'm waiting
for a report.

Of all the rotten luck!

I wonder where
that static's
coming from?

It's coming from us.
That's our signal!

That's right. When they try
to track down the static,

they'll trace
the interference to us.

Now, keep peddling!
Peddle faster!

Faster!
Peddle faster!

Communications
with scorpio 6
are back to normal.

The static interference
has stopped.

Well, that does it.

The capsule's gone out of range.
You can stop peddling.

I don't ever want to see
another bicycle again

as long as I live.

My gorgeous legs
will never be
the same.

Scorpio 6 is now passing
over the coast of Mexico.

It is nighttime there,
and command pilot
sol Tobias reports

they can see the lights
of Mexico City.

They can see the lights
of Mexico City.

That means
we still have a chance
to contact them.

Yeah. Move to
Mexico City.

Thank you,
Mr. Howell.

Would you
be quiet?

Don't you have
any idea,
professor?

Now, this is
a long shot, but...
Now, let's see.

They'll be over again
on their 16th orbit.

Now, at 82 minutes
per...

That's approximately
9 hours and 57...

It just might work!

What is--what might?
Be articulate! Think!

We'll spell out s.O.S.
Using the trunks
of trees.

Sos?

It's a distress signal,
gilligan.

Then we'll set them
on fire.

Now, there's
a good chance
the astronauts

will be able
to see that at night.

That's right,
professor.

I remember
during the flight
of the gemini 5,

astronaut
Gordon Cooper said

that he could see
Houston, Texas,
plain as anything.

Come on, gilligan.
Let's go out

and chop down
some trees.

Now, wait a minute,
wait a minute.

Those tree trucks
may be too green to burn.

They should be soaked
with something inflammable.

Yeah, and something
that'll catch fire real easy.

Too bad we don't have any
gasoline or kerosene.

Well, we must have
something. Anything!

Of all
the dastardly luck,
this is the final blow.

Well, I'm going home
to drown my sorrows

in a jigger of Brandy.

Brandy!

That's it!

That's it?

What's it?

Now, wait a minute,
wait a minute.

What are you all
grinning about?

Oh, no. Oh, you--

yes, you could.

You're all
that I have left.

This is inhuman.

That Brandy's in its
full bloom of life.

It won't be 21
till next June.

We'll get
the latest report
on the radio.

We are now
going to try to switch you

to direct communication
with the capsule. Stand by.

Alright.
It's zero hour.

In exactly 2 minutes,
the capsule will be
directly above us.

Light the logs.

Yes, sir!

Don't look, Teddy.
My poor Brandy.

For crepes suzettes maybe,
but for s.O.S. Never.

- Gilligan!
- Huh?

Your pants!

The scorpio 6 spacecraft
is now approaching
the Hawaiian islands.

We now switch over
to the astronauts,

as they report in
to mission control.

Oh, I hope they can see
our message.

Well, if the don't,
my Brandy has died
in vain.

We're a little east
of Hawaii.

It's a beautiful
night.

We can see
the pacific
down there.

Sol, look!

Wait a minute.

I see a fire burning
on a small island.

It looks like
3 letters.

They see it!
They see it!

Ryan, those are
letters

burning down there,
aren't they?

Yes. It's some kind
of message.

Yeah, that's
what it is.
S-o-l.

Sol.

Sol?
Sol?

Somebody's sending you
a greeting.

How about that?

Now I've got my name
up in lights.

No, no!
It's not sol!
It's s.O.S!

S.o.s!

It's s.O.S!

I want to thank
you people down there

on that tiny island
for the clever stunt.

We really appreciate
your thoughtfulness.

Skipper, that's s.O.S.
64 times.
Isn't that enough?

I said 100 times.

Now you keep
writing.

You're lucky
you're alive

after the way
you loused up
our distress signal.

We interrupt
this program to bring you

a special news bulletin.

The mission control
space center in Houston
has just reported

that it has momentarily lost
contact with the astronauts,

and the unmanned capsule
has mysteriously disappeared
from the radar screens

of all tracking stations.

We will give you
more details
as they come in.

I wonder what could
have happened
to that capsule?

It couldn't
have just
disappeared.

Hey, skipper,
do you hear that thunder?

That wasn't thunder,
gilligan.

There isn't a cloud
in the sky.

Gilligan, look!

Look!

Skipper...
It's the sace spacule!
I mean, the sace pabcule

I mean, the pace nabsule,
nace labsule--

never mind,
gilligan!

It's landed
in the lagoon.
Let's go.

Ok, sol.
Come on out.

Are you fellas ok?

There's no answer.
Maybe they're
bashful.

I'll let 'em out.

I'll open it,
gilligan.

They see you first,
they'll think they landed
on Mars.

It's empty.
There's nobody here.

Maybe they're out
to lunch.

Out to lunch--
gilligan, you say some of
the darnedest things--

skipper!

Well, did you get
the astronauts out?

I don't know.
There's nobody in there.

What do you suppose
happened to them?

Ahh! This must be
the unmanned scorpio ex1
target capsule

they sent up first.

It dropped from orbit
before the astronauts
could rendezvous with it.

Well, then...

It would have a radio,
wouldn't it?
A two-way radio!

You're right!
We can contact
mission control!

Get in there
will you, professor?

Alright, gilligan, move!

Oh, no! Look at
the radio equipment.

I've heard of
short circuits,

but this one must be
the shortest.

Oh, we couldn't
repair that
in a million years.

Maybe we can find out
what happened
to the other capsule.

To report that
mission control has resumed
communications

with Tobias and Ryan
in scorpio 6.

They solved the problem
with their radio.

Maybe they'd like
to work on this one.

However, we have lost
all contact

with the unmanned
scorpio ex1 capsule.

Oh, turn it off,
gilligan.

Oh! Oh, it is
a space capsule!

I told you
it landed here.

I can't wait
to see sol.

I want to give him
a big kiss.

Save your pucker, ginger.
There's no astronauts.

They sent us an empty.

I don't
believe it.

Well, I was in
3 science fiction
movies,

and they always
had an astronaut
aboard the spaceship.

Actually, 2 or 3
used to fight
over me.

Hey, listen
to this.

Mission control
has received word
from the destroyer redwood

that it had
the missing space capsule
on its radar screen.

It is positive that
the unmanned spacecraft

splashed down
in the pacific

a few hundred miles
east of Hawaii.

Yeah. It's here, it's here!
We've got it! We've got it!

A task force of Navy ships,
planes, and helicopters

are speeding to the area
to search for the capsule,

which has valuable
space data aboard.

If they find it,
they'll find us.

Aah!
We're gonna
be rescued!

Oh, wait a minute,
wait a minute,
wait a minute!

He said they thought
the capsule came down
in the ocean.

Why they may never come
near this island.

Yeah.
We're not even on the map.

Our zip code
must be 00000.

We've got to make it
easier for them

to find the capsule.

We'll push it out
into the lagoon,

and the ocean currents
will drag it out
to the sea,

and that way
it can be spotted
by the search ships.

Mr. Howell, why are you
dressed like that?

What else
would one wear
to a splashdown?

Well, that's that.

1, 2, 3, 4.

Oop. 5.

We've been working
7 hours now,

and we're no closer
to floating that capsule

than we were
when we started.

Hi. I thought you
might like something
cold to drink.

Don't mind if I do.

Thank you.

Mrs. Howell and I
came down to see

if we could get
aboard the spaceship.

Oh, what for?

What for? To be
rescued of course.

Mr. Howell,
there's only 2 of us

qualified to ride
that capsule out to sea

and direct
the rescuers back
to the island,

and, obviously,
that's the skipper
and gilligan.

The professor's
right.

Well, I think we should be
selected the Democratic way,

according to our
social position.

Mrs. Howell's
right.

Gilligan, will you
stop that and be quiet?

Well, I think
I should go.

I mean, there'll be
photographers there,

and I take wonderful
cheesecake pictures.

Ginger's right.

Gilligan, why don't you
go away someplace?

Well, I think
ginger's right.

I think we girls
should go
in the capsule.

After all, there's
something aboard we're
very anxious to see.

What?

The 2 astronauts.

Now, there's no question

that the skipper
and gilligan
are the ones to go.

Now, I really
must insist.

But I think we should
turn and leave,

but I don't like to be rude.

Let's be rude, lovey.

Well!

Gee, I didn't mean
to hurt their feelings,

but there was no way
of avoiding it.

Oh, don't worry about it,
professor,

they'll forget it
after we're rescued.

And look, we've got to worry
about getting this capsule
in the water.

We've only got a few more
minutes of light left to do it.

I underestimated
the size and
the weight, too.

Skipper, help!

Skipper, help!

Skipper!

Oh, gilligan!
Don't crush
your foot!

Here. Stop.

Give me
your hand!

Here.

I want to go!
I want to go!

Now, thurston, you heard
what the professor said.

Well, I don't care.

We should be on
that space capsule when
it sails in the morning.

A howell
is always first.

Who was
the first passenger
on the mayflower?

A howell.

Who was the first man
to land
on Plymouth rock?

A howell.

Well, I don't know
what we can do about it.

I'll tell you
what we're gonna do.

We're gonna stow away
on that capsule.

Stow away?

Shh, shh.

We'll wait till
the others are asleep,

then we'll tiptoe
on board.

Oh, thurston darling,
I'm so proud of you.

You're so sneaky!

We'd better hurry,
my dear.

It's almost daybreak.

Oh, thurston,
this is such fun.

It reminds me
of the time
when we eloped.

Yes. That screeching bird
does sound like your mother.

Tippy-toe.

Here we go.

All aboard.

Ah...

I told you we'd get
away with it.

I'm surprised the howells
haven't thought of it.

They're not as smart
as we are. Come on.

Thurston, someone's coming.

We've been found out.

Look, lovey,
if we're caught,

remember all we have
to give is our names

and our seat numbers
on the stock exchange.

It's dark in here.

And you know i-i'm
afraid in the dark.

There, there, dear,
I'm here.

You know what I mean.

There you go.

Ho ho, lovey...

You think
of everything.

Ginger, I think I hear
somebody whispering.

Oh, stop
imagining things
and be quiet.

I'm trying to memorize
my rescue speech.

Lovey, you're not
wearing ginger's
perfume, are you?

Of course not, thurston.

You know I never use anything
but gold dust number 5.

Yeah, I know,
but I'm allergic
to ginger's perfume,

and all of a sudden,
I feel like
I'm going to sneeze.

Oh, no, darling, don't.

You'll give us away.

Mm-mm-ah-choo!

Gesundheit.
Gesundheit.

Thank you.

I'm shocked
at you girls!

Utterly, utterly
shocked!

Aren't you ashamed,

sneaking aboard this capsule
like common stowaways?

What about you?
You're stowing away,
too!

But we're rich.

If you don't get off
this capsule right away,

I'll report you
to the captain.

Well, go right ahead.
We'll report you, too.

Lovey, I'm afraid
we've been outsneaked.

Ka-choo!

Gesundheit.
Gesundheit.

You can't find the unmanned
scorpio ex-1 capsule?

Now, that's bad,
admiral, bad.

That capsule is full
of top secret instruments.

We can't risk the chance
of having 'em fall

into the hands
of some unfriendly nation.

Well, I hate to do this,
admiral,

but we can't wait
any longer.

Call off the search.

Yes.

Now, at 0900 your time,
Hawaii,

we'll blow up the capsule
by remote control.

Well, it's 5 to 9:00.
You'd better get aboard.

This whole area will be
swarming with Navy
search teams very soon.

I wonder why the howells
and the girls didn't come
down to see us off.

Oh, they're probably
still pouting.

Come on, we can't wait
for them any longer.

We gotta go.
Let's make it snappy.

Good luck.
Bon voyage.

Thank you, professor.

Get aboard.

It's all set to detonate
in 5 minutes, admiral.

There's a big enough charge
aboard to destroy
the capsule completely.

I can't move this thing.
It's too heavy.

Well, jettison anything
you can find aboard.

It's a good idea,
professor.

Gilligan, we're gonna toss
everything that isn't
nailed down overboard.

Aye, aye.

Make it snappy.

Hi.

What are you
doing--
shh, shh.

Well, hurry up, gilligan.
Give me something else.

Money!

Where'd you get the money
to throw over--

Mr. and Mrs. Howell!

I didn't hear anyone
call, all ashore
that's going ashore.

No wonder the space capsule
is so heavy.

Now, both of you,
get off and on the double.

But if we have to get off,
then they have to get off!

What do you mean
they have to get--

they!
They! They!

Ginger and Mary Ann!

Would you believe
we came down
to say good-bye?

Would you believe
a going away present?

Would you believe
I'm lying?

Do you realize
what you
could've done

by pulling such
a crazy stunt?

Professor--
not now,
gilligan.

You could've cost us
all our chance
to be rescued.

Yeah, but I thought
if we could--

alright,
alright.

Now, it's 9:00.

Professor, I really think
you oughta know that--

gilligan,
will you be quiet?

The professor's trying
to say something important,
and you keep interrupting.

Now be quiet, will ya?
Now as you were saying,
professor?

You still have time
to get aboard

and get into
the currents if you
and gilligan hurry.

Alright, gilligan,
what is it that was
so important

that you kept
interrupting for?

The capsule's
floated off.

You nincompoop,
why didn't you
tell us sooner?

We could've all been
on the capsule.

Ohh!

Aah!

You know, skipper,
that space capsule almost
got us off the island.

Another 30 seconds
and we'd have been
in orbit forever.

Yes. Well, we may not
have been rescued,

but the important thing
is that we're still alive.

Yeah. But poor Mr. Howell
lost all that money
in the lagoon.

Oh, money like that
doesn't worry a rich man
like Mr. Howell.

Yeah, I guess
you're right.

But we burned up
all his Brandy, too.

Oh, stop worrying
about that.

Mr. Howell's stronger
than you think.

He's probably taking it
like a man.

* now this is a tale
of our castaways *

* they're here
for a long, long time *

* they'll have to make
the best of things *

* it's an uphill climb *

* the first mate
and his skipper, too *

* will do their very best *

* to make the others
comfortable *

* in their tropic island nest *

* no phone, no light *

* no motorcars,
not a single luxury *

* like Robinson crusoe *

* it's primitive as can be *

* so join us here
each week, my friends *

* you're sure to get a smile *

* from 7 stranded castaways *

* here on gilligan's isle *