Gilligan's Island (1964–1992): Season 2, Episode 4 - Smile, You're on Mars Camera - full transcript

[Theme song]

♪ just sit right back
and you'll hear a tale ♪

♪ a tale of a fateful trip ♪

♪ that started
from this tropic port ♪

♪ aboard this tiny ship ♪

♪ the mate was
a mighty sailing man ♪

♪ the skipper brave and sure ♪

♪ five passengers
set sail that day ♪

♪ for a three hour tour
a three hour tour ♪

[thunder rumbling]

♪ the weather started
gettin' rough ♪



♪ the tiny ship was tossed ♪

♪ if not for the courage
of the fearless crew ♪

♪ the minnow would be lost
the minnow would be lost ♪

♪ the ship set ground
on the shore ♪

♪ of this uncharted
desert isle ♪

♪ with gilligan
the skipper too ♪

♪ the millionaire and his wife ♪

♪ the movie star ♪

♪ the professor and Mary Ann ♪

♪ here on gilligan's isle ♪♪

[theme music]

Here, birdie, birdie, birdie.

Here, birdie, birdie, birdie.

Here, birdie, birdie, birdie.



Here, birdie, birdie, birdie.

Here, birdie, birdie.

Here, birdie, birdie, birdie.

[Whistling]

Psst. Gilligan, my boy,
come in here at once.

Alright, gilligan,
let's see the merchandise.

- The merchandise?
- Yes.

- Oh, you mean the --
- oh, no, no, no!

Please, Mrs. Howell
might hear.

She's not even around.

You don't understand.
She has very sensitive ears.

Now, show me
what you have.

Remind me put some
paper in your cave.

You're a
thoughtful husband.

This trouble
to make her a pillow.

I want her to have
the comforts of home.

You see, she's been a true
friend, a devoted companion.

She has that one quality
every man wants.

- She's loyal?
- No, she's and heiress.

She's loaded.

Gilligan, these
just won't do!

I told you now, forget
about sparrows and pigeons.

This is a pillow
for a howell.

You've gotta get feathers
from more exotic birds.

Like flamingos
and peacocks.

I've never seen any birds
like that on the island.

You've gotta
stay with it, gilligan.

What you need is
perspicacity and ingenuity.

I never saw any birds
like that either.

Throw these
in the reject pile.

Must be a lot
of bald birds.

Now, look, you've gotta
get more feathers.

And remember,
this operation is on the qt.

If anyone finds out,
they might tell Mrs. Howell.

- Hope you know to keep secret.
- I do, Mr. Howell.

Alright,
repeat my instructions.

No.

- Why not?
- It's a secret.

[Growls]

[Beeping]

Here you are, sir.

- Any audio contact?
- Not a beep.

That TV camera should have
activated ten minutes ago.

The retro rockets
are still firing.

We'll get a soft landing.

What good is it?

We've got to activate
that camera

or this whole picture probe
of Mars is wasted.

You've still got some time
before the landing.

Keep trying.

'Seven seconds before landing.'

'six seconds.'

- five seconds.
- Gotta get that picture!

Four seconds.

Three seconds.

- 'We've gotta make--'
- 'two seconds.'

one second.

[Scientists exclaiming]

- Well, it's landed.
- But where?

What part of Mars?

[Beeping]

Here, birdie!

Here, birdie birdie birdie.

Not all birdies,
just big birdies.

Is there a peacock
or flamingo in the group?

All I need is feathers
for one pillow.

Please, birdie, birdie.

Oh, thank you!

Thank..

...you.

Whatever you are.

Here, birdie, birdie, birdies.

I'll try this
rheostat again.

[Beeping]

That did it!

We're getting pictures.

Wait a minute.
Look!

I can swear
I saw a hut.

A primitive hut.

Yes, I thought
I saw it, too.

There it is again.
A crudely built hut.

[Beeping]

Uh-oh, we've
lost contact.

Well, we both saw it.

Somebody or something
built that hut.

Right.

There's some form
of life on Mars.

[Dramatic music]

Here, birdie!

Here, birdie, birdie, birdie!

Here...birdie..

Aaahh!

Skipper! Skipper! Skipper!

Hey, skipper!
Skipper!

- Skipper!
- What's wrong, gilligan?

You should see it, skipper.
It's really weird and strange.

It's got things on the side.
It's got an eye like that.

Four legs sticking
in the sand like..

Never mind that, gilligan.

- Did you get its feathers?
- What do you mean?

What's all this
about feathers, darling?

F-F-Feather?

Gilligan didn't say anything
about feathers, no.

What he was talking about,
he meant the...Weather's report.

It's really spooky, skipper.

It's big, heavy and made of
a strange looking metal.

- Strange looking metal?
- Yeah.

We'll have to get the professor
and investigate it.

Wait a minute.
Show us where to investigate

this big metal
whatever it is.

I'm convinced this vehicle
is the final stage

of outer space
research program.

Me, too.

It's intended to relay
information back to earth.

I agree.

Gilligan,
why don't you stop that?

You don't know
anything about space.

I know one thing.

You take up more
than I do.

Very funny!

Gilligan, there are
three types of space.

The space up there,
the space down there

and the space
between your ears!

I suggest
you head back to camp

and listen for some news
about this.

In the meantime,
let's move this equipment

to the clearing
where we can work on it.

(Man on radio)
'Cape Kennedy reports further
developments on the Mars probe.'

'there's no doubt on the minds
of our top scientists'

'that life may exist
on the planet Mars.'

- really?
- 'Really, folks!'

'this conclusion was reached
from photographs'

'taken from the TV camera
just before impact'

'clearly revealed palm trees
and primitive huts.'

'they're doing their best
to reactivate the camera'

'which may have survived
the landing.'

'stay tuned
for further developments.'

I better go tell the skipper
and the professor.

Life on Mars.

Well, there's no doubt
about it, skipper.

This was meant
to take photographs in space.

Perhaps the moon or Mars.

Skipper, professor,
I've got news!

- Good. Good.
- Anything about this?

All they talked about
was pictures they took of Mars.

Guess what?
There's life on Mars!

There's palm trees
and huts like we have.

Oh, that's all
very interesting, gilligan

but it has nothing
to do with us.

I'm afraid
it does, gentlemen.

Those palm trees and huts
are right here.

Wait a minute.
Say that again.

You're sounding
like gilligan.

Now, those pictures
they're talking about

were taken
by this space camera.

You mean, they think
this camera landed on Mars?

- Exactly.
- Then there is life on Mars.

Because we're alive.

Some of us are.

Imagine getting shipwrecked
and landing on Mars.

Boy, what a storm, huh?

- 'Gilligan--'
- 'alright, skipper.'

gilligan, you better get back
to that radio

and listen
for further developments.

Right, professor.

Skipper, I've got
an idea.

If we can repair this camera,
we might be able

to let cape Kennedy know
we're here. However--

exactly. We've got all
the parts. Why not?

As I was saying,
we've got all parts

except the most
important one.

The lens.

Must've fallen off
on impact.

Well, then, it's gotta be
near the point of impact.

We'll form a searching party,
search every inch of ground.

If there's a lens on this
island, we'll find it.

Darling, you know we've been
searching for almost an hour.

And something just
occurred to me.

What's that?

You haven't told me
what we're searching for.

Oh, yes, yes,
of course.

We're searching
for a lens.

- Oh, a lens. Oh.
- Yes.

- Darling, what's a lens?
- A camera, you see.

It looks like a piece of glass
and it's round

and about five inches wide.

You just described the diamond
in my engagement ring.

Oh, I'm afraid
it's even larger than that.

But it's very important.

The professor says
we must find it at once.

Oh. Maybe it could
have rolled under here.

Ooh! Yeesh!
This bush is so dusty.

Oh, yes,
allow me, my dear.

One thing I can't stand,
that's a messy jungle.

Thank you, darling.

Oh, thurston,
I found the lens!

No, my dear, that's the bottom
from a bottle of bubbly.

We're throwing
our empties there.

Sort of our secret stash.

- You think of everything!
- I know, dear.

Ginger, I'm exhausted.

We've been looking
for this thing over an hour.

I must be losing my touch.

If there's a camera lens around,
I usually find it.

Wait a second, ginger?

Maybe that thing
rolled over in here.

We've looked everywhere else.

Oh, I feel something.

Thurston, there's
something in there.

Something with fingers.

Well, let's go.
It might be a gorilla's nest.

I can't.
It's got me by my ring!

I think I've found the camera
lens. It's big and it's round.

- It feels like glass.
- Well, pull it out, ginger.

- I can't. It's stuck.
- Here, I'll help you.

- Pull! Pull, lovey.
- It's got me. I can't.

Let go of the ring.
Anything. Pull, darling.

[Screaming]

Oh, my dear.
Oh, are you alright, precious?

Oh, it's Mrs. Howell.
What a lovely ring.

If you don't mind.

It's never been off her finger
since the day we were merged.

I know this
is a small island.

But that lens could be
in a million places.

On the contrary, according
to my calculations, figuring

the area of impact the angle
of descent and the fact that

the lens is round and will roll,
it has to be in this area.

Alright, if you say so,
but I still say the chances

of finding
that lens are zero.

[Music on radio]

- Hi, gilligan.
- Oh, hi.

The supply hut.

Mr. Howell's feathers.
Gotta find him.

- Gilligan, what are you doing?
- Who? Me?

I don't recall anybody else
on this island named gilligan.

Standing here.
I'm just standing here.

I asked you
to listen to radio.

I did. I listened real good.
I heard a new song..

♪ don't go in there yaay yaay
there's nothing in there yaay ♪

- gilligan..
- Never mind, professor.

I know exactly
what he's trying to do.

- You do?
- Yes.

Doesn't want us
to go to supply hut.

Who said anythin' about a supply
hut? You told me to stand.

I was. You said listen to radio.
The new song went yaay yaay..

What it is, is a fact
that he's probably

got one of his famous
collections in there.

One of those banana
skin collections.

Or maybe it's a clam shell
identification bracelet.

There's nothing in there
but a bunch of feathers.

Feathers?
What feathers?

- It's a secret.
- What's a secret?

The feathers I'm collecting
for Mrs. Howells secret pillow.

Will you get back
and listen to that radio?

We're trying to do
something important.

We couldn't care less if
you had a feather of the goose

- that laid the golden egg.
- What goose?

The goose that laid the golden
egg. In the fairy tale?

- Laid a golden egg?
- Yes, gilligan.

Once upon a time there was
a goose, this goose laid

a golden egg, this goose
was very important in the..

- Never mind, gilligan!
- Please, please.

- Get back to that radio.
- Exactly!

You guys won't take
any feathers, will you?

We have some more
important things to do.

- Will you get to that radio?
- Yes, sir.

I wonder where
that feather rolled.

Where that feather rolled,
where the lens rolled.

Professor,
one of these days..

Right there.

(Man on radio)
'There may be some scattered
clouds, later today.'

'all indications point
to clear and fair weather'

'the remainder of the week.'

there's no more news
in the radio about Mars.

It doesn't make any
difference now, anyway.

We can't work the camera
without the lens.

Exactly. We might just
as well start dinner.

Get that fire started.
Wait a minute.

- I'll give you some matches.
- I don't need matches.

- I got this magnifying glass.
- You found the camera lens.

- You found it. You found it!
- This?

Yes, that lens
may save all of us.

Oh, boy! Oh, boy!
Yippee! Yippee! Yippee!

[Glass shattering]

Maybe you'd better
give me the matches.

Matches.

Professor Bancroft, the outside
world is anxiously awaiting

developments on the Mars probe.

Have you had any
further visual contact, sir?

Not yet.

We're hoping that the technical
problem lies here with us.

And that the cameras themselves
have not been damaged.

We're still trying
to reactivate them.

Based on earlier photographs,
do you still expect to find

further evidence
of life on Mars?

Well, at this point
we'd rather not speculate.

However...upon
closer examination

of the primitive huts
in the enlarged photos

there is a strong possibility
that some type

of intelligent being
exists there.

- On the other hand--
- George.

Do you remember
Washington's orders?

Could I please change
all that to "no comment?"

Please, yell, I can't stand this
tone at which you're not saying.

We know you didn't mean
to smash the lens.

We're just trying
to figure out what to do.

If they can activate
this in cape Kennedy.

We've got to have
this ready and fixed.

I'll finance you
in whatever you need.

Too bad we can't
send for a TV repairman.

A TV repairman? Look, I don't
mind golden time, double time.

But TV repairman time,
even I couldn't afford that.

Now, now, let's let
the professor concentrate.

It's going to take
more than concentration.

We've gotta get this lens
together, make it function.

- We could use rubber bands.
- That's a great idea.

But where in the world are
we gonna get rubber bands?

- We could slice up my sneakers.
- We appreciate your sacrifice.

But we need something
to put this lens together

that won't interfere
with the TV picture.

- Some sort of glue.
- We'll start drilling for some.

- You don't drill for glue.
- Oh, no?

You should see some of the oil
Wells that I got stuck with.

It's a joke. I thought
it'll alleviate the tensions..

If we could make some glue from
tree sap. Strong enough glue.

If we could boil down
enough sap, we might get

- organic resin that would work.
- I'll get on it.

What do you know about getting
sap out of a tree?

I know. I saw it in a movie.
You take a knife like this.

You go up to the tree.
You give it a slice like that?

(Thurston)
Heavens! I've been
shish-kebabed!

Oh, medic! That smarts.
Chief of staff..

[Instrumental music]

[Music continues]

[Music continues]

Dumb tree.

Gilligan, you don't
have to do it that way.

- Just use four pales.
- Why didn't I think of that?

Gilligan, I think
things out very carefully

before I put my foot
into anything.

Well, now, hurry up!

Looks like you're stuck.
Can I give you a hand?

No, gilligan, you can't
give me a hand.

I would appreciate it if you'd
put your neck right in there.

- You sure you're stuck?
- Yes, gilligan, I'm stuck.

Are you sure,
positively you're stuck?

I'm sure positively,
I'm stuck.

Are you definitely,
positively sure you're stuck?

I'm definitely,
positively sure I'm stuck.

Gilligan.

The professor
is waiting for the glue.

Okay, skipper,
it'll be ready in a minute.

Gilligan, you'll never
get finished that way.

The stick is broken.
Can't you see that?

Oh, oh.

Never mind stirring it anymore,
your gonna make butter outta it.

- It must be ready by now.
- I'll test it, skipper.

Well?

It's ready, skipper.

There, that's about
the best I can do, skipper.

You think the lens
will work, professor?

Won't really know until remote
control activates this camera.

No, nothing yet, George.

[Beeping]

Yes.

Bancroft, here.

Fine.

Let us know when
you're ready.

We're in luck, John. They
think they found the problem.

We're going to try another
visual contact in 30 minutes.

I think I should've
worn another hat.

This one won't
photograph at all.

You're not too late, Mary Ann.
We're gonna have it fixed.

Alright, everybody get ready,
if and when they reactivate

this equipment we've all got
to be ready to be on camera.

[Indistinct]

Hold it, you'll
all be in the picture.

No sense arguing about who
stands in front of the camera.

We'll do it the Democratic way.
According to who's who.

- Where's gilligan?
- Gilligan?

We can't forget our little
buddy. Gilligan, where are you?

I'll be right there.

Gee, I'd better cover it.

One thing about glue,
it's a real dust collector.

(Skipper)
'What are you doing
back there, gilligan?'

'when the camera goes on,
they won't be able to see you.'

- that's what I had in mind.
- What do you mean?

I stand in front,
whole world will see.

United States will see. United
states sees, my home town will.

If my home town sees,
means my brother will see.

My brother sees me, he'll punch
me 'cause I'm wearing his shirt.

I think we all better relax.
Nothing seems to be happening.

- Oh, professor.
- Okay, wind up the signs.

Don't wander off now,
gilligan.

(Mrs. Howell)
'How do we know when that
thingamajig is working?'

oh, we'll know, Mrs. Howell.
It'll start to hum.

Hum? With the money we spent in
space you think they'd send up

one who knows the lyrics?

Do you'll hear what I hear?
Let's take our positions.

Wait a minute, folks.
I hear what you hear.

But it's not coming
from the camera.

It's coming
from over there.

Gilligan, what did you do?

Nothing, I covered the pot
to keep it from getting dirty.

You know what happens when you
cover a boiling pot with a lid.

No, what?

[Explosion]

[Screaming]

[Indistinct]

[Indistinct]

George, it's all go now,
from this end.

Let's try it again.

[Beeping]

It's working, George.

It's working.
We did it!

Yes, I can see the hut
and the palm trees.

But I don't see
any sign of life.

Let's try a wider angle
on the lens.

(Bancroft)
'Look! Look!'

we've proved it, John.

There's life on Mars.

(John)
'Yes. And what life.'

chicken people.

They seemed to be
half human and half bird.

Look, they're plucking
their feathers off themselves.

(Mr. Howell)
'What were all those
feathers doing in the hut?'

(Mary Ann)
'We'll never get
these feathers off'.

We'll just have to
wait for the molting season.

Gilligan, why don't you
sit down and stay there?

What's that big bird man
doing to that little bird man?

Well, I can't
be sure, George.

But I think he's trying
to force him to lay an egg.

Hey, professor.

What's the red light
mean on the camera?

Oh, gilligan,
that red light means that..

What..it's humming!
It's working.

- It's working.
- It's clicking pictures.

George, they've seen our camera.
And they're waving.

(John)
'Why would they do that?'

they've never seen
a camera before.

Well, I suppose they think
it's some strange creature.

And they're trying
to get friendly with it.

(Professor)
'They still think
they're looking at Mars.'

- help us!
- They can't see us.

We forgot the signs.
I'll go get them.

I'll go get them.
I'll go get them.

Here they are.
Here are the signs.

[Indistinct]

Don't you think you're being
too hard on poor gilligan?

Not at all, professor.

This whole feather mess
was his fault.

I'm just making
the punishment fit the crime.

What time is it?

Three 'o clock.

Gilligan! Gilligan!
It's time again.

Cuckoo, cuckoo. Cuckoo.

[Theme music]

♪ now this is the tale
of our castaways ♪

♪ they're here for
a long long time ♪

♪ they'll have to make
the best of things ♪

♪ it's an uphill climb ♪

♪ the first mate
and his skipper too ♪

♪ will do their very best ♪

♪ to make the others
comfortable ♪

♪ in the tropic island nest ♪

♪ no phone, no lights
no motor cars ♪

♪ not a single luxury ♪

♪ like Robinson crusoe ♪

♪ its primitive as can be ♪

♪ so join us here
each week my friends ♪

♪ you're sure to get a smile ♪

♪ from seven
stranded castaways ♪

♪ here on gilligan's isle ♪