Gilligan's Island (1964–1992): Season 1, Episode 20 - St. Gilligan and the Dragon - full transcript

¶ Just sit right back
and you'll hear a tale ¶

¶ A tale of a fateful trip ¶

¶ That started
from this tropic port ¶

¶ Aboard this tiny ship ¶

¶ The mate was a mighty
sailin' man ¶

¶ The Skipper brave and sure ¶

¶ Five passengers
set sail that day ¶

¶ For a three hour tour ¶

¶ A three hour tour ¶

[thunder rumbling]

¶ The weather started
getting rough ¶



¶ The tiny ship was tossed ¶

¶ If not for the courage
of the fearless crew ¶

¶ The Minnow would be lost ¶

¶ The Minnow would be lost ¶

¶ The ship set ground
on the shore ¶

¶ Of this uncharted
desert isle ¶

¶ With Gilligan ¶

¶ The Skipper too ¶

¶ The millionaire and his wife ¶

¶ The movie star ¶

¶ And the rest ¶

¶ Are here on Gilligan's Isle ¶

Gentlemen, we have listened
to your excuses long enough.

And we're not gonna
put up with it.



- May I have the guava jelly?
- We got to have some privacy.

- Where is the guava jelly?
- You haven't heard a word said.

Sure I did. You want
more privacy.

Now, may I have
the guava jelly?

No, you can't.

We're not gonna serve you
anything else either.

If you don't cooperate with us,
we won't cooperate with you.

Here's the guava jelly, Skipper.

- Oh, no, you don't.
- Oh, yes, I do.

- Oh, no, you don't.
- Oh, yes, I do.

Yes, you did.
Thanks a lot, Gilligan.

By the way, we're not gonna
do anymore washing either.

Besides, you said you'd
build us a hut last week.

We've had other things
that are more important.

We'll get to it soon.

Oh, well, there won't
be any lunch today.

We have other things to do
that are more important.

We'll get to it
as soon as we can.

Oh, I'm...sorry that
we're-we're late for breakfast.

We're used to having breakfast
in bed served by our butler.

That's after his butler
serves him breakfast.

Ha ha! That's the only way
to live. Here you are, Lovey.

Oh, dear, isn't there
anything left?

I'm sorry, Mrs. Howell, but Mary
Ann and Ginger are on strike.

On strike? By George,
you get two workers together

they organize every time.

You men keep promising
to build us a hut.

And you won't keep
your promises.

Women should have
the same rights as men.

Ha ha. Did you
hear that, Lovey?

Women should have
the same rights as men.

[laughing]

You're not laughing,
Lovey, with these..

Thurston, you've been
promising me to build a hut

of our own for weeks now.

I'll get to it by and by.

But I'm not asking
for anything elaborate.

Just a little split-level hut
or a palm tree penthouse.

I'm afraid, you women will
have to face the facts.

Historically, it's the man
who decides what should be done.

- Yeah.
- Hear, hear, hear!

Haven't you ever heard
of Lysistrata?

Yeah. Isn't that a mouthwash?

Lysistrata was a woman who lived
thousands of years ago.

And she persuaded all the women
in her town to ignore the men

completely unless
they got what they wanted.

Well, I think we should
all act like Lysis-Lysis..

- Lysistrata, dear.
- Lysistrata.

That's Greek to me.

Hey, Confucius say,
"Women who stand on rights

sometimes get laughed."

[laughing]

Ha ha. Come on, girls.

We'll build our own hut.

I sure wish you girls
weren't doing this.

- Did you hear a voice?
- No, I didn't hear a soul.

Please, man,
I'd rather do it myself.

But it's very heavy.
You might strain yourself.

These men must learn,
we can take care of ourselves.

I took care of myself in a farm
in Kansas and that's tough.

And I took care of myself in
Hollywood and that is tougher.

Ah, ho ho!

Wait a minute, wait a minute.

- Ow!
- Mrs. Howell, are you coming?

In a minute, girls!

Lovey, w-we've been married
for 19 wonderful years.

And during all that time
I've taken care of you.

I've watched over you.
I-I've babied you.

No, no. Look, look, please.

You'll be lost without me.
Lost, I tell you.

Ready, girls!

Lovey darling, just tell me
one thing. One last thing.

What color pill do I take
at noon, please, love?

Oh, the redsies.

No, you must let me.
You can't do this.

Lovey, you're doing a mad,
impulsive thing. I mean, really.

You can't carry those
heavy bags like that. I..

Thank you, girls.

Now, ladies, please,
I wish you'd reconsider

this whole thing
for your own safety.

Yes, there might be
wild animals on the island.

- Or wild natives.
- Or wild life.

They're just trying
to scare us.

And we're not going
to be scared.

I haven't heard a thing.

As far as I'm concerned,
we're all alone on the island.

Just the three of us.

Besides, we have everything.
We have blankets, clothes, pots.

What about tools?

Er, by the way,
have we got any tools?

- Tools?
- Er, here.

- I'll take this.
- Good.

I bet they'll be back
before dark.

I-in tears. An hour
without me, she'll break.

She's utterly dependent upon me.

Really?

Yeah. Besides, I have
the credit card.

[laughing]

[Skipper whistling]

[humming]

Ha, Lovey!
Ha ha.

This is the perfect place
to build our hut.

Can we rest a little longer?

No, we have to have a roof
by night fall.

We'll lay the first stake
right there.

- Come on. Bring the hammer.
- Oh, it's heavy.

- I guess I better help.
- Alright, now, come on.

- Alright.
- Ready?

- Aim!
- Ah!

- Swing!
- Oh!

Drive it in a little further.

- Ready?
- Ready?

- Up!
- Aim!

- Swing!
- Ah!

Can we rest now?

We gotta have this
hut done by night fall.

Now, I guarantee
those men will come

crawling on their knees
to get us back.

They need us.

Hi, little buddy.
What's cookin'?

Fish stew.
Try it, Skipper.

Doesn't smell like fish stew.
What's in it?

Pineapples, coconuts,
and wild berries.

Well, what kind
of fish, Gilligan?

Fish. Oh, yeah.
I knew I forgot something.

Oh, what have we here, Gilligan?

- Fish stew.
- It looks like low tide.

Let's have a little taste.

Oh, poor Lovey. I don't know how
she's gonna manage without me.

She must be lying somewhere on
the beach curled up and sobbing.

- 'Hm.'
- It's awful.

- It'll teach her a lesson.
- No, no, I mean the stew.

It needs something, boy.
It does need something.

- Fish.
- Oh, good. Never mind.

Mr. Howell, if it's no good,
how can I fix it?

You really wanna know?
You really wanna know?

- I really wanna know.
- Start over. Hah!

Start over.

We appreciate your help,
Mr. Howell.

Oh, oh. Yes, yes.
I'm sorry.

I do miss the woman's
help, you know?

This cleaning and sweeping
is-is so exhausting.

Maybe it wouldn't be exhausting
if you did a little work.

Well, I-I'm working,
it's not physical work

but mental work
which is even more difficult.

That's right.
Especially for me.

I have a plan which
might bring them back.

They are afraid of the night
and wild animals, right?

Who isn't?

Mr. Howell, there are no wild
animals on this island.

No wild animals, yet.

Now, I have a plan. See,
according to the Howell plan..

Swing!

[screaming]

We should've taken
the smaller hammer.

They knew it all along. That's
why they gave us this one.

- We can't go and get it now.
- Why not?

Well, because they want us to
fail. They won't give it to us.

I think they will.

I don't know why, but men
always do anything for me.

I know why, darling.
Go and get it.

Oh, that's-that's fine.
That-that's fine.

It's coming along fine.

I still think
I should be the head.

Gilligan, you are the tail. I'm
the head because I'm the brain.

Maybe we need a dragon
with two tails.

- 'I can't wait until dark.'
- 'Yeah, yeah.'

(Skipper)
'Wait till we get there. We'll
scare the dickens off 'em.'

They'll be asking us to save
them from the monster.

(Thurston)
'It's good to have
a little rehearsal.'

Okay, now. Let's go
together, gentlemen.

Howl!

[roaring]

Cut! Cut! Cut!

No, no. Stop, stop, stop.

You've gotta make both ends
sound the same. See what I mean?

Alright, now, the front end,
let's hear it.

[Skipper roars]

Alright, the rear end,
let's hear it.

[Gilligan roars]

Alright, now, all together!

[both roaring]

Good heavens, I think we've
found an answer to The Beatles.

Well, we certainly know
how to handle them, don't we?

I think our plan's better
than their plan.

Can't wait till that
monster comes here.

Come on.

Gilligan, watch
where you're going.

I'm sorry, but if you stop that
fast I'll be in front of you.

I can't put my hand out.
So, be more alert.

- Let's give 'em a little roar.
- Yeah.

- A little roar. Softly.
- Yeah.

On you mark.

Get set.

Go.

[loud roaring]

Gilligan.
Gilligan!

I said softly.

Oh, sorry, Skipper.

Okay. On your mark.
Get set. Go.

[roaring]

Listen to the lovely sounds
of a tropical evening.

Skipper, they think
we're crickets.

- Let's give them a real show.
- Yeah.

[roaring]

Skipper, let's hurry, huh?
I'm suffocating back here.

Alright. Let's get
over a little closer.

When they come out and see us,
they'll really run home.

Did you see something
move out there?

[roaring]

Something m-m-move?

There's nothing there.
Now, don't be scared.

[roaring]

- Oh, look at that!
- Oh, it's a monster!

Oh, we must protect ourselves.

Oh, but how?
Look at that wild beast!

(Ginger)
'Oh, it's just awful.'

We must fight it off.

We must let the men know
that we're big and strong.

And should have equal rights.

- But what can we do?
- We'll kill it.

And send its head
back to the men.

- Did you hear that?
- Of course, I heard that.

I'm the part with the ears.

- They want to kill us.
- They gotta catch us first.

- Yeah.
- Come on.

[roaring continues]

- 'Skipper!'
- 'Gilligan!'

You tried to frighten us
to get us back, didn't you?

No, that's not
it at all, ladies.

There's a better
explanation than that.

- Yeah, that's right.
- Er, well. Tell 'em, Gilligan.

Don't just sit there.
Tell 'em.

Huh?
Oh, yeah.

We were on our way
to a masquerade party.

And we're going
right by the hut..

No, no. We were gonna
celebrate the Chinese new year

with this great dragon,
because next week it's the..

Well, to tell you the truth.
I-I'm open for, uh, suggestions.

You know, without the women
washing clothes is kinda fun.

- That's right, Gilligan.
- And cleaning up the hut.

- That's kind of enjoyable.
- Right again, little buddy.

And prepare meals,
that's kind of pleasant.

- Exactly.
- That was a fun game.

What do we play next?

A game called,
"Back to scrubbing the clothes."

Gilligan, help me
thread this needle.

Oh, sure, Professor.

By the way, thanks
for doing my laundry.

- That's okay.
- I missed it again.

You've got to wet the thread.
Let me show you.

- Let me do it, Skipper.
- Never mind, Gilligan.

- Here, I almost got it through.
- You got it through my finger!

Sorry, Skipper.

At times like these a woman
comes in handy.

It's hard to believe
they've only gone two days.

Seems more like two years.

Believe me, we've thought
'em a lesson. There you are.

- Thanks, Skipper.
- Boy, I sure need this.

- Gilligan.
- It's no use, Skipper.

Either we get stronger clothes
or softer rocks.

You get back to scrubbing
those clothes.

But take it easy this time.
Our clothes won't last forever.

Excuse me, gentlemen. Did you
want your dinner well done?

- Well, it's fine, Mr. Howell.
- I mean, very well done?

- It's okay with me.
- Very, very well done?

We don't care how
well done, Mr. Howell.

- Oh, good.
- What are we having for dinner?

- Ashes.
- You said you were a good cook.

Well, I am, when I have
a chef working for me.

I'll be glad when
women learn their lesson.

With them here, we had meals,
clothes, things were easier.

We're trying to prove a point.
They can't get along without us.

But we can get along
without the women.

Yes! And don't you forget it.

By the way, did you
happen to notice

what color pill Mrs. Howell
gives me before din-din?

This is the fourth nail
I've broken today.

Since I got here,
I broke eleven.

- Eleven?
- I broke one twice.

Ginger, we're proving
a principle.

Right. We can get along
without the men.

It's just the men
who can't get along without us.

- I hope so.
- There's no question about it.

Let's not give
the men another thought.

I sure do miss the women.

Oh, Gilligan, let's not
mention the word women.

Right. They've caused us
enough trouble.

- I sure do miss the ladies.
- Gilligan.

- Girls?
- Gilligan!

I miss the boys
with long hair.

Just go to sleep.

Well, here we are.
It's beddy-bye time.

You're more dressed up to go
to bed than I am to be awake.

You're so right.
Nighty-night, everyone.

Goodnight, Lovey.
Wherever you are.

Women.

I'll go along with that.
How about you, Gilligan?

I don't know that much
about women.

Neither do I. But I've been
married to one for 22 years.

Oh, if women would just act
the way we wanted 'em to.

You can say that again.

If women would just act
the way we wanted 'em to.

[Arabian music]

[music continues]

Come here, my wives.

What is your pleasure,
mighty potentate?

I have an itch.

Where?

It is pleasant
wherever you scratch.

Do you like that, Mr. Howell?

Oh, I wish I were scalp
all over. That is marvelous.

Give those a high gloss,
will you, my dear?

I'd love to.

Oh, crazy girl, crazy.

Comfy, dear?

Yes. You don't mind
the two lovely girls, do you?

Of course not, darling.
Anything to make you happy.

Oh! Those bubbles tickle.
Must be vintage 1947.

Oh! Hello, tickle
the little darling.

Easy, girls. Easy.

[all cheering]

[screaming]

Wait a minute.
Take it easy, girls.

There's enough of me
for everybody.

Every time I see you,
I get chills!

- I get goose bumps.
- Oh, I feel so weak.

Dear me, I don't know
if I'm an actor or a virus.

Oh, you send chills through me.

We have pictures all over
the wall and ceiling.

- Even on the floor.
- Yeah, yeah! Wall to wall.

We take off our shoes and we
walk barefoot through you.

[screaming]

[screaming]

Ole!

Ole.

Ole!

[Spanish music]

[applause]

You are the most heroic
bullfighter in all of Spain.

- Si, si. I suppose I am.
- I have a present for you.

A new sword.

Now the little bulls
will have a chance.

Senor Gilligan,
here is my present.

Si, si. I no can see see.

Darling, look what I have
brought you. Mejican beauties.

Ah!

I've been gored by a rose.

- Oh, let me kiss it.
- Let me.

No, no, no.
Let me kiss it.

Ya, ya.

[bellowing]

Ole.

Ole.

Ole.

Ole.

Ole!

Gillian, wake up,
little buddy.

Oh, you are beautiful,
Senorita. I..

Oh, hi, Skipper.

- You've been dreaming.
- Huh?

Only been in bed a half an hour.
I guess none of us can sleep.

Yeah, we might as well get
dressed. Go outside and sit.

[chuckling]

[guitar music]

Ole.

I think we've been getting along
fine without the women.

- Right, Mr. Howell?
- Oh, yes, yes.

I've even solved
my pill problem.

I take one
of each kind every hour

so I won't miss any of them
and I feel good.

I rattle when I walk though.

You just wait and see. Those
women will be back pretty soon.

- How long they've been gone?
- Sixty one hours.

Forty two minutes.

Eleven seconds.

To tell the truth, I'm kinda
missing the ladies myself.

But there must be some way
to solve this problem.

I thought of a way.
It's a real simple idea.

All have to do one thing.

- What?
- Give up.

Tell 'em they were right, we are
wrong, and ask 'em to come back.

- Never.
- Absolutely not.

I'd rather die.

(Thurston)
'On the other hand, there's
no point being stubborn.'

'I miss my Lovey.'

Which one of us
will weaken first?

Since I'm the only married man,
I think I should approach

the quarters first. It'll be
the least embarrassing.

- That's right, Mr. Howell.
- You just wait right here now.

[insects chirping]

[whistling]

[whistling]

I can't understand it.
That's our family whistle.

Been in the family for years.

[whistling]

Lovey, dear? Ha ha.
They must be asleep.

Uh, Lovey, dear?

Lovey, dear?

The idea!

- Sneaking around like that.
- Peeping toms.

- Peeping tom..
- I can't believe..

Oh, the nerve of them.

Well, maybe they didn't
know it was you.

I bet they didn't.

Well, who else around here
calls my wife, Lovey?

- Howell, just cool off.
- Cool off! I'm drenched.

They must be up to something.

Oh, look!

(Lovey)
'They made another monster!'

They can't think
we'd be foolish enough

to fall for another monster.

(Mary Ann)
'This one's even bigger
than the last.'

(Ginger)
'I think it's cute.'

Oh, it just shows how silly
they are. Men, I mean.

It's ridiculous. It must take
four of them to operate it.

I don't believe it.

[giggling]

[indistinct chattering]

[screaming]

Thurston, thank heavens,
you've come to save us.

Oh, Thurston.

What's going on here?

- There, look!
- Look!

Gilligan, we'll get
a closer look.

I can see it fine from here.

Professor, you're in charge.
We'll be right back.

- O-oh, oh!
- Gilligan.

- Sure is weird looking.
- Skipper, let's get outta here.

We can't. One of us
gotta keep an eye on it.

What's the other one
have to do?

Go back and report
to the others.

- I volunteer on that.
- You'll do as I say.

- Aye, aye, sir.
- Keep an eye on it.

- Don't let it get away.
- Which eye?

Don't know what
I'd do without you.

- Where's Gilligan?
- Gilligan's been eaten.

Gilligan is fine.

Oh, you stupid monster.
I'll save us.

Wait, Skipper.

That monster suddenly
looks very familiar.

Familiar?

(Professor)
'It's a lost weather balloon.'

It's our rescue. We can inflate
it and send it up with messages.

They always have radio
equipment. We're saved.

[all cheering]

Ready or not, here I come.

[bang]

[whooshing]

Hot wind!

He's trying to breathe
fire on me.

If St. George can do it,
Gilligan can.

No brains!

I did it. I did it.
I killed it. I killed it.

A-ah.

That's the brains.

USAF?

United States
Air Force, balloon.

Oh!

[clattering]

Gilligan certainly did
a thorough job on this radio.

It's absolutely useless.

You know, Skipper,
I've been thinking.

We still got a chance
with that balloon.

What do you mean Professor?

I can sew up the rips. I can use
some tree sap to seal it.

And hot air from
the fire to inflate it.

It'd make a great rescue signal.

Exactly, a plane or a ship
will spot it.

Hi, Skipper. Hi, Professor.

- Hi.
- Hi, Gilligan.

- What have you got, Gilligan?
- It's a big secret.

I've been working on it
for days. Look, material.

For skirts, for dresses,
for the hut, huh.

And where did you
get that, Gilligan?

From the balloon.
I cut up little pieces.

["The Ballad
Of Gilligan's Isle"]

¶ Now this is the tale
of the castaways ¶

¶ They're here
for a long long time ¶

¶ They'll have to make
the best of things ¶

¶ It's an uphill climb ¶

¶ The first mate
and his Skipper too ¶

¶ Will do their very best ¶

¶ To make the others
comfortable ¶

¶ In the tropic island nest ¶

¶ No phone, no lights,
no motor cars ¶

¶ Not a single luxury ¶

¶ Like Robinson Crusoe ¶

¶ It's primitive as can be ¶

¶ So join us here
each week my friends ¶

¶ You're sure to get a smile ¶

¶ For seven stranded
castaways ¶

¶ Here on Gilligan's Isle ¶