Gilligan's Island (1964–1992): Season 1, Episode 17 - Little Island, Big Gun - full transcript

["The Ballad Of
Gilligan's Isle"]

¶ Just sit right back
and you'll hear a tale ¶

¶ A tale of a fateful trip ¶

¶ That started
from this tropic port ¶

¶ Aboard this tiny ship ¶

¶ The mate was
a mighty sailin' man ¶

¶ The Skipper brave and sure ¶

¶ Five passengers
set sail that day ¶

¶ For a three hour tour ¶

¶ A three hour tour ¶

[thunder rumbling]



¶ The weather started
getting rough ¶

¶ The tiny ship was tossed ¶

¶ If not for the courage
of the fearless crew ¶

¶ The Minnow would be lost ¶

¶ The Minnow would be lost ¶

¶ The ship set ground
on the shore ¶

¶ Of this uncharted
desert isle ¶

¶ With Gilligan ¶

¶ The Skipper too ¶

¶ The millionaire ¶

¶ And his wife ¶

¶ The movie star ¶

¶ And the rest ¶

¶ Are here on Gilligan's Isle ¶



What a mob, boss,
half a million bucks.

I'm well aware of
the contents, Gates.

Boy, you, you sure know
how to pick a hideout, boss.

Boy, this little old island
ain't even on the maps.

Precisely.

Uncharted, uninhabited.

A perfect place to relax

while the police conduct
their investigation.

I'll be back for you
real soon, boss.

You boys take Sea Spray back
into the regular shipping lanes

as soon as possible
so the coastguard will spot you.

Now, once the Sea Spray
has been boarded and searched

you come back here, pick me up,
and we go to South America.

I got to hand it
to you, boss.

Now, look.
You got everything?

Uh, let's see.

Food stuffs,
cooking utensils, bed roll

a large deposit
from the Monarch Bank

and a good friend.

You got everything.
I'll see you, boss.

Ladies, what's
for breakfast?

Take a wild guess
and try coconut.

[all sighing]

- Well, never mind. Just dig in.
- Skipper, it's always coconut.

Sliced coconut, diced coconut
baked coconut

fried coconut,
coconut on coconut, coconut--

We're gonna have a special treat
for Thanksgiving dinner.

- What's that?
- Coconut drumstick.

[sniffing]

I smell bacon.

Sure you do, Gilligan.

I think Gilligan's been
on the island too long.

You know I thought
I smelled bacon too.

See.

Unfortunately, it's just
a figment of our imagination.

Yeah? Well, my figment
smells just the way I like it.

Well done and crisp.

- 'Gilligan.'
- Over here, Skipper.

Listen, buddy, if we wanna eat
something beside coconuts

we're gonna have to get
some other kind of food.

I'm all set.
I'm gonna pick some dates.

With a bow and arrow?

Since we can't climb
these trees, so I figured

I'll shoot 'em down.

Well, certainly, Gilligan,
and if you're real careful

maybe you can shoot the pits
out of 'em at same time.

I bet it works. Watch.

Gilligan, you pose some pretty
funny stunts on this island--

[T'chi]

Ow! Ow! It worked.
It worked, Skipper.

Look, Skipper. Look at 'em.
Oh Dates! Dates! Dates! Dates!

Little buddy, you did it.
I'll gather and take 'em back.

You go out
and hunt some more.

Skipper, I shot 'em
so I ought to take 'em to camp.

I was sayin' I shot 'em down
so you ought to take 'em.

- Exactly.
- See you later.

[comical music]

[T'chi]
[comical music]

I did it. I got a hit.
A direct hit.

Oh, boy! Oh, boy!
Look at 'em all.

Look at 'em all, mister.
Look at 'em all.

A bit hit.
Look, look.

- What are you doin' here?
- Me?

I was just about
to ask you the same thing.

I was shipwrecked.

Amazing. That's just
what happened to me.

Shipwrecked.
Barely made it to shore.

I'm sure glad
you made it.

You were shipwrecked, how come
your clothes are not wrinkled?

Drip dry.

- Your shoes?
- Drip dry too.

I guess you're
drip drying everything

since we got shipwrecked.

- We?
- Yeah.

There are other people
on this island beside yourself?

The Skipper, the Professor,
Ginger, Mary Ann

Mr. and Mrs. Howell.

I see.

I don't know how your boat got
wrecked, no boats come here.

I was destined for an
island in this vicinity.

All the islands around
here are uninhabited.

Except for a few
with wild natives on 'em.

Well, that's just it.

I was heading for an island
with wild natives.

I was to help them rid their
island of tropical diseases.

You see...I am a doctor.

Doctor? Boy, what a break having
a doctor here in the island.

- Did you save many lives?
- Saved a few. Lost a few.

You can't win 'em all.

My name's Gilligan.

I'm Jackson Farrell.
Dr. Jackson Farrell.

Glad to meet you, sir,
I'll introduce you to the rest.

You'll like 'em,
I know you will.

I'm sure
I will.

I see you have a bow and arrow.
There are no guns on the island?

- Oh, we have guns.
- Oh.

No bullets.

- I used to shoot down dates.
- Quite right.

- That's how we met.
- Yeah. Real fun.

Just kinda get it like that
and then you just kinda..

- Money! Money! Money! Money!
- Gilligan. Gilligan.

- We're rich, rich.
- Gilligan, just a minute.

Now don't worry. I'll cut you in
because you were here.

How did it get up there?

Now, let me explain, Gilligan.

You remember me telling you

about the natives
and the tropical diseases.

Well, this money is part
of the endowment

to build a hospital
on that island.

Oh.

Fortunately, I saved the sack
before the boat went down.

You mean, people donated
this money to you?

That's a good way to put it.
They donated it.

Oh. Well, that sure
was generous of 'em.

Gilligan, you should have seen
the way they handed it to me.

(Gilligan)
'Mr. and Mrs. Howell.'

Here comes Gilligan with a man
we've never seen before.

I wish he wouldn't drop by with
people, we're not even dressed.

Mr. and Mrs. Howell, I'd like
to have you meet Dr. Farrell.

Doctor, how marvelous!

Doctor, you know, I have
the worst shooting pain.

- Have you had it before?
- Yes. Yes.

- Well, you've got it again.
- Shh.

He was shipwrecked on his way
to an island to help natives.

You work with natives?
That must be very rewarding.

I'm gonna go
tell the others.

Sit down, doctor, you can join
lovely Mrs. Howell and myself.

So you were wrecked
en route to the island?

Yes. It came as
quite a blow.

I had great plans
for the island.

Modern hospital, latest
technical equipment, lab.

Oh, your laboratory.

Well, hospitals happen to be
one of our favorite charities.

Lovey, remind me
to send him a check.

Will a few hundred thousand
dollars be enough?

A few hundred thousand?

Well, of course, doctor.

Philanthropic work like yours
must be encouraged.

Native diseases so often
affect the natives.

Doctor, with that kind
of money could you

possibly name
a disease after us?

Not the run-of-the-mill disease.
Something a little special.

Uh, for example,
something like beriberi.

Yes, yes. Perhaps, you could
call it Howell-Howell.

Oh, marvelous, Thurston.

In that way, we'd each get
separate billing.

He was washed up
in the island.

Oh, I'm so glad
you were saved, doctor.

What a lucky break, if any of us
get sick you can give us a shot.

True. I might be able to
give you a shot.

He's a famous doctor.
Builds hospitals and everything.

- Oh.
- How exciting.

What do you
specialize in, doctor?

- Surgery.
- Surgery!

Yes, I have devoted most
of my life to removing things.

I insist that you move in
with us and share our hut.

Certainly, doc.
Everything we have is yours.

You're all very kind,
but I'm sure

you're somewhat pressed
for accommodations.

Nonsense. We've got
plenty of room.

- Sure, right.
- You can have Gilligan's bunk.

Now, I don't wish
to impose.

It's no imposition at all,
is it, Gilligan?

No. It's no imposition at all.

Gilligan will move
his gear out, won't you?

Sure, he'll move his
gear out right away.

[mumbling]

(man on radio)
'We interrupt this program
for special news bulletin.'

'The international master
criminal, Jackson Farrell'

'has escaped by sea with
over a half million dollars'

'taken in a holdup from the
Monarch Bank last Thursday.'

Jackson Farrell?

'Yes, Jackson Farrell
has done it again.'

'No clues are available,
but it is suspected that'

'Farrell and his accomplices
are hiding out somewhere'

'in the tiny, uncharted islands
of the South Pacific.'

Doctor, when they discover
that you haven't arrived

on this native island,
they'll send a search party?

It's possible.
Very possible.

Well, is it possible
when your ship..

Excuse me, doctor.

What is it, Gilligan? Something
wrong with your finger?

Nothing wrong with my finger.

Would you like
the doctor look at it?

- No.
- Then stop interrupting.

I'm having a very important
conversation with the doctor.

What I wanted to ask you
is when your ship went down

possibly they took a fix
on our position.

Unfortunately,
it all happened so quickly.

I just wanted to say
I caught a fish this big.

Well, good for you, Gilligan.

Now, will you get in the hut,
clean it so he can move in.

What's that you've
got there, Gilligan?

Transistor radio?

- Yes, sir.
- Oh.

Then you're able to receive
news from the outside world.

- Well, we could if it worked.
- Nothing is wrong with it.

See, I turn it on.
Nothing even happens.

- Give me that radio.
- Skipper, it doesn't work.

- Skipper, it doesn't work.
- Give me the radio.

Skipper, it doesn't work.

Now, you did it. You broke it.
It'll never work now.

You better hope
it works, Gilligan.

(man on radio)
'...bulletin, it has been
confirmed that the holdup at'

'Monarch Bank was masterminded
by Jackson Farrell.'

That's the news
for the day.

Hold it!

So now you know.

Before too long a boat
will arrive to pick me up.

Until that time,
I don't want any problems.

If any problems do arise

I won't hesitate
to eliminate them.

Any questions?

Any bullets in that gun?

[gunshot]

Any more questions?

- Any sign of him?
- No. He must down some place.

We got to have
a plan of action.

Seems reasonable he can't
stay awake all night.

Exactly. He got to
doze off some time.

'That's when we can
get his gun.'

When he dozes off,
you two jump him

his gun will fly in the air,
I'll catch it and I'll say..

- Good evening.
- Good evening.

Sounds like
a very intriguing plan.

Now, stay right there.

Don't move.

I just finished tying up
the others for the evening.

And now I want you
to tie up both of them.

Him first.

Skipper, you better lay down.

- Leave it a little loose.
- Leave it a little what?

There.

That should keep you gentlemen
in place for the night.

I hope I haven't cut off
your circulation.

Oh, no, no. See.

Thanks for telling me, Gilligan.

You're welcome.

Gilligan, you try.
You're thinner than I am.

Bend way down.
No, bend down, Gilligan.

'Bend down.
That's it.'

Come on.
Give him a push.

'Push, Gilligan. Push.
Professor, push it.'

Skipper, I'm stuck.

Skipper, he's coming back.

Get down and push.

[snoring]

- Mr. Farrell?
- Mr. Farrell?

Where are you, Mr. Farrell?

- Mr. Farrell?
- Mr. Farrell?

- Mr. Farrell?
- Mr. Farrell?

Ooh-oh!

Mr. Farrell, Mrs. Howell
and I have been discussing

this rather sticky situation
that does exist between us.

You know, the fact that you're
a thief instead of a doctor.

Please, please, darling.

Doctor Farrell.
I mean, Mr. Farrell.

I think this is something that
could be negotiated between us.

I have this piece of driftwood
I have used as a check. You see.

It says, "Pay to the order of
Mr. Jackson Farrell

One hundred thousand dollars"
and my signature.

A hundred thousand?
That says ten thousand.

Ten thousand, no, that comma,
that's a piece of seaweed.

Are you kidding?

If I try to cash this check,
the police will be on me.

He's right.

It'll be disastrous for
Mr. Farrell to cash that check.

Please, Lovey.

Sometimes I think a woman's
place is in the hut.

- The perfect setup.
- Okay.

I'll help you up.

Gilligan, will you stop that.
I'm on your side.

I'll grab his gun
after you hit him.

Give me a hand, Skipper.

[thud]

Nice work, Gilligan.
We did it. We did it.

We've got him.
We've got him.

We have?

I'm sorry. I slipped.

- Here, let me help you.
- Thank you, Professor.

Gee, there must be
something we can do.

Well, that gun is the key
to the situation.

If we could get that gun
before his friends arrive

we'd have a chance.

I think I've got an idea
how to get that gun.

Oh, how?

Watch it.
He's coming.

Okay, be jealous. I'm telling
you he's my kind of man.

If that's gonna be your attitude
I don't want any part of you.

Go on. Get lost.

Oh, Mr. Farrell.

We were just discussing you.

Won't you sit down?

We were getting along so
beautifully when we first met.

That's when you thought
I was a doctor.

Yeah. You are even
more interesting now.

It must be fascinating
going to all those

exotic places
all over the world.

When your friends
come back

how about taking
me with you?

Say, that's an idea.

I've got enough loot now
to cover you in minks, sables.

- You'd like that, huh?
- I am a woman.

Yeah, I noticed.

We can make beautiful
music together, Jackson.

Beautiful music.

- Ginger.
- Yes, Jackson.

And that beautiful music
will be "And the Angels Sing."

If you get any closer
to that gun.

Hey, Skipper!
Hey, Skipper!

- What's the hurry, Gilligan?
- There's a boat rowing ashore.

Well, I could see my departure
is near at hand.

Mr. Farrell, when you get back
to civilization

how about telling 'em we are
stranded here on this island?

And the run the risk
of you returning

and blowing the whistle on me
and my friends?

Gilligan, give me
that glass.

That isn't any of my boys.
It's the Indigo mob.

- The Indigo mob?
- They must have tailed me.

Skipper, Mr. and Mrs. Howell.

Now, you're all going
to do exactly as I say.

Remember, as natives,
you speak no English.

Understand?

You'll answer all questions
in native gibberish.

But sir, what if we
happen to happen to--

[speaking gibberish]

I'll be inside the hut
with a gun

pointed at your
pretty little friend.

Remember, one slip up
and no pretty little friend.

I hope on of 'em
can understand English.

I've seen a lot
of primitive tribes in my day

but this one
takes the cake.

This outfit can set back
civilization two thousand years.

Looking for white man, criminal.
He hold up bank.

'No speak English?'

Lucky, looks to me like
they don't speak anything.

Yeah, come on.
Let's get out of here.

[speaking gibberish]

Oh, so you do talk.

[speaking gibberish]

Lucky, get a load
of these two.

It's hard to believe
they are human beings.

Yeah.

[speaking gibberish]

(Lucky)
'That one don't need
to speak anything.'

You can say that again.
Hello, darling.

(Lucky)
'I think she's trying
to tell you something.'

I'm trying to tell her
something too.

(Lucky)
'It's a good thing she can't
understand English.'

'She'd slap you face.'

Must have been
what I said.

[speaking gibberish]

Let's get out of here.

[speaking gibberish]

I could have swore
I heard him say

moolah, moolah, moolah.

Even the most native tribes
must know about money.

(Lucky)
'He looks like the village bum.'

Moolah, moolah, moolah.

I guess he's asking
for a handout.

Indeed.

[speaking gibberish]

Okey-dokey.

How do you like that?
Even the natives are henpecked.

I want to thank you all for
coming here and seeing me off.

Mr. Jackson, please.
Notify the authorities about us.

Sure, we will.
Huh, boss?

Nobody likes a wise guy.

Alright, come on, slim.
Give us a hand.

[engine sputtering]

Gilligan, give us the anchor.

No, no.
No, no.

No, no. Don't throw it.
Bring it to me.

The money.
The money!

Stop the motor!
Stop the motor!

The propeller is shooting
the money off the pits.

It's all chopped up.
It's all chopped up.

Cheaters never prosper.

I got to get
that Gilligan.

I got to give it
to that Gilligan.

Gun is wet, boss.

Thanks for the information.

The gun is full of water.
Come on, let's get him.

- Here they come, boss.
- Let's get out of here.

With Gilligan on that island,
you can't win.

[engine roaring]

No use, Skipper.
We can't catch him.

I guess you're right, Professor.

I'm looking for the money
and I think I got it.

- I got it, I got it.
- Well, take it out.

(man on radio)
'We interrupt this program
to bring you a news bulletin.'

'The coast guard has boarded
the Sea Spray and apprehended'

'Jackson Farrell and his
gang of bank robbers.'

Hey, Skipper.
Skipper.

'The authorities were unable
to locate any of the loot'

'from the Monarch Bank holdup
but members of the gang'

'confessed and Jackson Farrell
and his men are being'

'brought back
for further questioning.'

The coastguard got 'em.
Good for them.

Yeah, they'll put 'em in jail
where they belong.

What are you doing?

I went skin diving the rest
of the money, all the pieces.

Boy! It's just some big build.
I have never seen so many zeros.

And what is it
you're doing with them?

I'm gonna make
one long million dollar bill.

Hey, Skipper.
Have one..

Here have...
three thousand dollars.

Thanks, little buddy.

["The Ballad
of Gilligan's Isle"]

¶ Now this is the tale
of the castaways ¶

¶ They're here
for a long, long time ¶

¶ They'll have to make
the best of things ¶

¶ It's an uphill climb ¶

¶ The first mate
and his Skipper too ¶

¶ Will do their very best ¶

¶ To make
the others comfortable ¶

¶ In their tropic island nest ¶

¶ No phones, no lights,
no motorcars ¶

¶ Not a single luxury ¶

¶ Like Robinson Crusoe ¶

¶ It's primitive as can be ¶

¶ So join us here
each week my friends ¶

¶ You're sure
to get a smile ¶

¶ For seven
stranded castaways ¶

¶ Here on Gilligan's isle ¶