Gilligan's Island (1964–1992): Season 1, Episode 18 - X Marks the Spot - full transcript

["The Ballad Of
Gilligan's Island"]

¶ Just sit right back
and you'll hear a tale ¶

¶ A tale of a fateful trip ¶

¶ That started from
this tropic port ¶

¶ Aboard this tiny ship ¶

¶ The mate was
a mighty sailin' man ¶

¶ The Skipper brave and sure ¶

¶ Five passengers
set sail that day ¶

¶ For a three hour tour ¶

¶ A three hour tour ¶

[thunder rumbling]



¶ The weather started
getting rough ¶

¶ The tiny ship was tossed ¶

¶ If not for the courage
of the fearless crew ¶

¶ The Minnow would be lost ¶

¶ The Minnow would be lost ¶

¶ The ship set ground
on the shore ¶

¶ Of this uncharted
desert isle ¶

¶ With Gilligan ¶

¶ The Skipper too ¶

¶ The millionaire ¶

¶ And his wife ¶

¶ The movie star ¶

¶ And the rest ¶

¶ Are here on Gilligan's isle ¶



Major, Operation Powderkeg
is ready for the final phase.

Yes, sir.

Now, we'll learn exactly
what that new warhead will do.

It's to be tested down
the South Sea Missile Range.

We found the perfect place.
No habitation, no people.

'That's wonderful, sir''

'I'll release an announcement to
the press and radio stations.'

Here, Skipper.
Here's the pole you wanted.

Thanks a lot, Gilligan.

"X" marks the spot.
This is where it will go up.

- Oh.
- Ow!

Not that. The play room.

Yeah. It's
a good idea, Skipper.

If we're gonna be stuck here
we might as well have fun.

Certainly, that's why I
suggested we build a play room.

A nice big one. May as well
make the island nice.

Can we have a dance?

Well, that's not too good
a suggestion.

We're only three women and four
men. It might cause trouble.

No, that's okay
nowadays, Skipper.

They don't dance in couples,
they just choose up sides.

[laughs]

Very good.

Well, now you start
sawing the poles

and I wanna listen
to the noon day news.

Oh, uh, do you know
who has the radio?

Uh, oh, yeah,
Professor has it.

- Thank you.
- Wait a minute, wait a minute.

- No, Mary Ann has it.
- Ah.

No, no, wait.

Ginger, she has it.

No, no. The Howells,
they have it.

Gilligan, do you know
who has the radio?

No.

Of course not. Saw.

[dramatic music]

You sent for me, sir?

Did you released the information
on Operation Powderkeg?

Yes, sir, the press
have been notified

and all radio stations
in the South Sea area.

Good, judging from
this latest report

projected power of this
new warhead is fantastic.

Everything within a radius
of a hundred miles

will be totally destroyed.

Hi, folks. Have you
seen the radio?

I haven't seen it.
Maybe the girls have it.

Skipper, it's
very fascinating.

Professor is making
a mirror for Mrs. Howell.

Maybe he'll make one
for you too.

Thanks, I'd rather have
the radio not a mirror.

I'm more interested
in good news than bad news.

[laughs]

(man on radio)
'One, two, three, four.'

'One, two, three, four.'

'One, two, three, four.'

'One, two, three, four.'

'One, two, three, four.'

'One, two, three, four.'

'And now you can rest.'

[sighs]

(Skipper)
And now, ladies, the next
exercise is a real tough one.

Deep knee bends.

Ready?

One.

Wonder why he has us
down here so long?

I don't know.

If we'd been doing
these exercises all along

we'd be in good shape.

I don't see how you exercise
in that dress. It's so tight.

I'm surprised it doesn't
cut off circulation.

Honey, in Hollywood

the tighter the dress,
the more the girl circulates.

Then, what are you ladies
doing down there?

- Oh, Skipper.
- What's going on?

- You turned it off!
- Oh, Skipper.

I was just having a little fun.

- That wasn't very nice.
- It certainly wasn't.

(man on radio)
'That was a special news
bulletin from Radio Honolulu..'

[radio static]

What's the matter
with the radio?

- I don't know.
- Skipper?

- Radio's gone dead.
- Dead?

Oh, dear.

Can you tell
what's wrong, Professor?

Well, nothing
seems to be broken.

I'd say it was the batteries.

Oh, well, without the batteries
it may as well be broken.

I'm afraid you're right.

There goes our only contact
with civilization.

This is the final authorization
for Operation Powderkeg.

Have you been in touch
with Vandenberg?

Yes, sir, they can get
the warhead installed

the missile ready by tomorrow.
Just need your approval.

- Permission granted.
- Thank you, sir.

[dramatic music]

[whizzing]

Oh, this is dreadful.

Without the radio how will
I keep up with the fashion?

I won't know what's
happening in Hollywood.

- Who's getting married to who?
- Whom.

Now, that's women for you.

One worrying about what
the other women are wearing.

The other one worrying
about whom they're wearing.

- Who.
- Yeah, yeah.

Darling, you're only interested
in the stock market.

We women have
more important interests.

Oh, that's right.

I'll never learn what happened
to the young Dr. Malone.

After he cured Mrs. Tellingham's
baby of measles

'he barely got to the hospital'

in time to set
Peter Pitman's broken arm.

What he didn't realized was
Peter Pitman was dating

his very own girlfriend.

While they were driving
in a convertible

they swerved to avoid hitting
a car driven by widow Watson

who was a dear friend
of Dr. Malone's father

who was shopping
for Annabel Hawks.

Well--

Good heavens. That's enough
to drain anyone's battery.

Well, it's the
batteries alright.

'Cause everything else
is in perfect working order.

No, the company that makes
those batteries

is a disgrace to the American
free enterprise system.

I mean really, I've got
dozens of companies.

'We make hundreds
of products like that.'

And you've got to maintain
production standards.

But, Thurston--

There is no excuse
for shoddy workmanship.

Not with testing facilities
the way they are today.

You market something, you've got
to make it with meticulous care

to last and to last
and to last.

But, Thurston, these
batteries were made

by the Thurston Howell
Battery Company.

Well, you can't expect them
to last forever, can you?

I'd go out of business.
Lovey, really!

I've got an extra set
of batteries for the radio.

He's got an extra set
of batteries.

That's great!

- Had them all along.
- He had them all along.

- Forgot about them.
- He forgot about them.

Feel like
an absolute idiot.

He feels like,
he had them all the time.

- All set.
- Can I turn it on, Skipper?

- Please?
- Yes, as soon as he gets..

- Yes, go ahead. Turn it on.
- Turn it on, Gilligan.

Ah, it's on.
It's on.

Gilligan, what did you do?

Didn't do anything.
Just turned it on.

It's not his fault, Skipper.
These batteries are dead too.

But I never used them.

Batteries can lose power
just sitting on a shelf.

Hey. Wait a minute,
Skipper, we're in luck.

Yeah, bad luck.

No, these batteries
are rechargeable.

Professor, how can we recharge
batteries here on the island?

Don't even have
a credit card.

Seawater. I used to do this
experiment in science class.

We use seawater instead
of battery acid to revitalize

old dry cell batteries
and produce electricity.

Seawater? Well,
what are we waiting for?

We've got enough seawater to
light up all lights on Broadway.

Here's what we'll do.

We need coconut shells,
seawater, metal strips, pennies.

(Professor)
The pennies are held in
the seawater by the hairpins.

The wire coming
from the pennies

leads to the positive pole
of the battery.

Metal strips on the other side
of the coconuts

lead to the negative pole
of the battery.

Now, everybody get ready
to stir their coconuts

when I get
the battery hooked up.

Alright.
Everybody stir.

I wonder if Thomas Edison
started this way?

Looks like a crazy martini,
doesn't it?

Alright, that should be enough.

Let's see if we can
get anything.

[instrumental music]

- Ha, it works!
- Great! Great!

(Skipper)
Professor, you did it.
You did it.

(man on radio)
'Ladies and gentlemen'

'we interrupt this program
to bring you a news bulletin.'

'Vandenberg Air Force
Base, California'

'announces that at noon tomorrow
it will test a new missile'

'designated,
Operation Powderkeg.'

'The warhead will be sent down
the South Sea Missile Range'

'to an isolated area,
approximately'

'140 degrees latitude
and 10 degrees longitude.'

'More on Operation Powderkeg
during our regularly scheduled'

'news cast. We return
you now to our studio.'

Did he say 140 degrees latitude?

- Yes.
- And ten degrees longitude?

What's the matter, Skipper?

Don't anybody panic
'cause I'm not really sure

'but we were a 100 miles
east of that position'

'before we drifted
for that three days.'

And with the prevailing
western currents

well, that's approximately
our position here.

They said down the South Sea
Missile Range

to an isolated area.

That would confirm, an area
away from the shipping lanes.

As far as the authorities,
no one inhabited.

You mean?

[telephone ringing]

General Bryan.

Vandenberg? Put him on.

Yes, Colonel, I was just
on my way to the airport.

Technical problem
in the new warhead?

I see. Mm-hmm.

We'll remove the explosive
and go ahead with the launch.

At least we can get a test
of the new guidance system.

No. No need to announce
any change in plans.

[dialing]

- Hi, Gilligan.
- Hi, Mary Ann.

What are you doing?

Straightening up so it'll
be nice when it's blown up.

What have you got?

A coconut cream pie for you.

- For me?
- Mm-hmm.

You start thinking
at a time like this.

I haven't been as nice
to you as I should.

That's not true.
You've been nice to me.

I haven't.
Take last night for instance.

You wanted another piece
of pie and I said no.

You were right,
that was my eighth piece.

If you'd wanted it
why shouldn't you have eight?

Because the first seven
gave me a stomach ache.

We haven't got much time left
between now and you know when.

When?

Oh, that when.

Thought I'd be specially
nice to everybody.

I baked you two pies.

I'll bring the other one
when it's ready.

Thank you.

Boy, what a way to go!

(Skipper)
'Gilligan!'

In here, Skipper.

- How about that Mary Ann?
- Oh, no.

She thought she wasn't being
nice enough to me

so she made me two pies.

Actually, she's been
wonderful to me.

I haven't been very good
to you, buddy.

- That's not true.
- Yes, it is.

Don't say that to make me
feel better. I know it's true.

I yell at you
and bawl you out

when you're trying
to do your best.

What I'm saying is, I want
you to have one of my pies.

No, Skipper,
she made it for you.

I insist, trying to make up for
the way that I've treated you.

And I know that if she
had made two pies for you

you'd give one to me.

I want you
to eat every bite.

I like the way you treat me
and yell at me.

Before it's late a man should
look at the people around him.

And figure out what he can do
to make their lives happier.

You don't know how happy
you're gonna make me feel

when I see you
eating this pie.

Oh, no, Skipper..

Thanks a lot, Gilligan.

[thud]

Are you sure that
you want to make a new will?

Yes, I'd like
to get things right

before we take a walk up
that great flight of stairs

to the big bank vault
in the sky.

What makes you sure we're
gonna walk up and not down?

That's the reason
I want a new will.

Let me see, Lovey, up until now
my favorite charity has been me.

I think it's time
to think of other people.

I direct in that will,
that all the money

from the First National Bank be
distributed to needy children.

Needy children. Oh, Thurston,
that's a marvelous idea.

That means, of course, children
not living in Beverly Hills.

Naturally. Now let's not
forget medical science.

- We must help fight disease.
- Which disease, darling?

That's quite a problem
to decide which one.

So let's leave ten million
dollars to each disease.

That ought to take care
of all the money

in the, uh,
Second National Bank.

Are there that many diseases?

By the time they find
our will in that bottle

I think they'll discover
some new diseases.

Now, what about the money
in the Third National Bank?

We leave it
to the First National Bank

and let them worry about it.

Marvelous, Lovey.

Oh, before we put
that note in a bottle

let's try once more
to figure out a way

to see if we can
take it with us.

- Hi.
- Oh, hi.

- Am I intruding?
- Oh, no.

I was just thinking what
a waste my life's been.

I mean, so, I was
an actress, so what.

I never really
did anything for anyone.

Well, you entertained people.

Oh, that was just
for the moment.

I mean, really
do something important.

Like being a nurse.
Although I was a nurse.

For one day
I was Ben Casey's nurse.

And you know
something, Professor?

In that one hour,
we saved six people.

And if it hadn't been
for the commercials

we would have saved eight.

You're right, Ginger,
that's what's important.

Saving people. I should
never have become a teacher.

Should have gone on
with my work in science.

You know, when
I was in college

we were working on a vision
problem encountered

by navy patrol fliers
after they had spent

several hours scanning
the ocean and..

- Wait, that's it!
- What?

What a fool I've been!
Why, this is great.

Skipper, Skipper. This is great.
Absolutely great!

What's great, Professor?
Take it easy.

Take it easy? We can't.
Gotta get busy. Don't you see?

We're not in danger.
This is our rescue.

- Rescue?
- Why, sure.

Before the government
ever sends a missile

they send a search plane
to make sure the area's clear.

They send a searching party
for fishing and pleasure craft.

Or hunters or natives.

Oh, Thurston,
we're practically rescued.

My darling.

I told you we were
gonna be rescued.

- I told you. I told you.
- You did. You did.

To make sure they see us, I'll
finish that mirror I was making.

Will use it to signal the plane.
That should ensure our rescue.

Let's get out, Professor. That's
the kind of insurance I like.

Yes! Yes!

Hurry up, Professor. That plane
will be over any minute.

That does it.
It's finished.

Using gum wood paint
should make a good reflector.

C'mon, Skipper,
give me a hand.

Oh, boy, alright, sure.

[groans]

Haven't seen myself in so long,
I forgot what I looked like.

(Gilligan)
Lost a lot of weight.

Let me get a better grip on it.

(Gilligan)
Oops! Instant fat.

Skipper, let's see
how it works in the sun.

Oh! I feel like
I'm in Hollywood.

Come on, let's see
what they're doing.

Sure does work.

It's not exactly ground glass,
but with that strong sun

I don't see how a plane
could miss it.

All we gotta do
is wait for that plane.

Get to the other
side of the clearing.

The view's better.
Keep your eyes open.

Aye aye, sir!

There's a plane.
There's a plane.

Where? Where?

- There it is!
- There it is!

[all cheering]

There. Isn't that marvelous!

It's the rescue plane.
Set up the mirror.

Set up the mirror.

- Set up the mirror. That's it.
- Set up the mirror.

Oh, boy, this is what
we've been waiting for.

Start flashing the signal.
Start flashing the signal.

[all screaming]

No, Gilligan.
No-o!

[crash]

[glass shatters]

Gilligan, Gilligan,
are you alright?

I'm alright.

You sure you're alright,
little buddy?

The plane, Professor!
The plane!

Everybody, quick!
Get a piece of glass.

'Signal the plane with it.'

- Here you go.
- Yeah.

(Skipper)
Here, Mary Ann.
Signal. Signal.

Come back!
I'm your biggest taxpayer.

(Thurston)
'I belong to the
million mile club.'

(man on radio)
'And the countdown has already
started on Operation Powderkeg''

'Five, four, three'

'two, one, zero.'

[blast]

'It's a perfect shot.'

It would be.

It should be along
any second now.

Professor,
how can you be so calm?

You act like you're waiting for
an afternoon train or something.

I think I see it.

[whizzing]

[all screaming]

[crash]

- It didn't detonate.
- And it didn't explode either.

[all cheering]

Look! Look.

It's coming up the lagoon.

It's coming right this way!

(Professor)
Don't make a noise.
Don't even breathe.

We're not. I don't think
my heart's beating.

Thurston, you're so brave,
you're not even shaking.

I can't. I think
rigor mortis has set in.

A vibration
could blow us up.

Our only chance is to disarm it.

How do we do that?

Someone will have to remove the
access panel and crawl inside.

There's only one of us small
and thin enough to fit in there.

Who?

[bang]

[beeping]

[beeping continues]

Come on, Gilligan,
I've got the tools.

Maybe if we wait,
they'll send a repairman?

Oh, please, Gilligan,
there may be a timing device.

Here, you hold these.
We'll take it very easy.

I'll remove the access panel

that'll have a chart
with the color codes.

That way I'll be able
to figure out

which wire you've
to disconnect.

[clang]

Professor, you gotta get in
there and give it one good hit.

Let me do this.
Your job will come later.

Yes, sir.

Gilligan, you're gonna have
to find a green and yellow wire.

That wire will
disarm the missile.

A green and yellow wire, yeah.

Alright, now, carefully.

(Professor)
'Every moment counts.'

That's it.

[thud]

I found it.

- I found it.
- Oh, good.

Now, you're gonna have
to trace that wire

until you come to a bus bar.

A busbar?

Busbar, is a long
copper rectangle

with a lot of wires
attached to it.

You've gotta take that wire
off the connector

and that'll disarm the missile.

- Oh.
- And, Gilligan.

Yeah?

If the end of that wire
touches any other connector

you'll blow us all up.

Take it easy, little buddy.

Oh, Gilligan, please be careful.

Oh, yeah, here it is.

[bang]

[screaming]

(Skipper)
Gilligan, no!

[whizzing]

Fire!

- Gilligan's still in there.
- He's in there, that boy!

Oh, it's coming back!

He didn't have a chance
to get out.

Thurston, I think we
ought to rename the house

in South Hampton,
"Gilligan's acres."

I was going to have a Gilligan
scholarship at Harvard.

(Skipper)
'The next boat I get,
I'm gonna call her'

"The Gilligan."

When I get to Hollywood,
I'll sell a story to the movies.

Oh.

Gee, it all sounds so wonderful.

I think I'll go back
and drown myself.

[all cheering]

Mr. Howell?

Eh, yes, yes, Gilligan,
my boy, what is it?

Remember when everybody thought
they were gonna be blown up?

How nice they were
to each other?

Gilligan, when people
are in trouble

they make concessions
and promises.

When their trouble is over they
forget those fancy promises.

Would you, Mr. Howell?

A Howell go back
on his word? Never!

Our family crest is honesty,
fidelity, integrity.

- I thought so.
- Uh, wait, what's that?

It's your will. Found it
when I swam out of the missile.

I'm throwing it
back in the water.

No! No, my boy! Don't!

[Thurston crying]

[splash]

¶ Now this is the tale
of our castaways ¶

¶ They're here
for a long, long time ¶

¶ They'll have to make
the best of things ¶

¶ It's an uphill climb ¶

¶ The first mate
and his Skipper too ¶

¶ Will do their very best ¶

¶ To make the others
comfortable ¶

¶ In the tropic island nest ¶

¶ No phone, no lights
no motorcars ¶

¶ Not a single luxury ¶

¶ Like Robinson Crusoe ¶

¶ It's primitive as can be ¶

¶ So join us here
each week my friends ¶

¶ You're sure to get a smile ¶

¶ For seven stranded castaways ¶

¶ Here on Gilligan's isle ¶