Generation (2020–…): Season 1, Episode 3 - Toasted - full transcript

It's a Target return !
Back off !

Target's the other way, Miss.

Thank you for mansplaining that to me.

Why don't you tell me where everything
in this whole fucking mall is, okay ?!

God, why do you hate lesbians ?!

- Go away, fascist !
- It's me !

- Thank you for coming.
- Bitch I love you.

I love you so much.

I'm okay. I swallowed it back.

I'm not okay.

Don't you fuckin' dare !



I'm not going to.
I'm definitely not going to.

I just wish you hadn't made me eat
that Hot Dog on a Stick.

Fill the tub !

How did you not know ?

There's literally five seasons
of I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant.

One woman actually gives birth
in her pants.

But weren't you having your period ?

My period's always weird
and I thought I was gassy

and WebMD said it was bok choy or
colon cancer ! I'm like,

fuck WebMD !
It always stresses you out, I'm fine.

In a way it's funny cuz I did think
you were looking kinda thick.

- Wait, thick in a good way ?
- I mean the tits for sure.

But you didn't tell me ? I don't know
whether to be mad or okay about this.

You're my sister. I love you.



- Is 911 for sure off the table ?
- Yes !

And your parents do seem cool, you
definitely don't want to tell them ?

Your parents seem cool too,
would you tell them ?

This is not working !

And no way am I paying ten cents
for these.

Reparations !

- Wait !
- I can't ! It's coming out !

No !
Who the fuck is the father ?

GENERATION

TEN WEEKS EARLIER

"If you can't love yourself, how in the
hell you gonna love somebody else ?"

I do not hear you practicing
your toast for tonight !

And you're welcome for the edits
by the way.

That Russia joke would not have played.
Not with Aunt Katyushka coming.

Okay niños, vámonos.

I have no idea what's been going on
for the past two weeks

but from what I can gather, you aree
very angry with your brother

for a medical condition that was
out of his control.

His "pink eye"
was not out of his control.

Excuse me. I volunteered
in a Botswanan orphanage.

I think I know a little bit more about
medical contagiousness than you do.

This weekend is about your sister
and her wedding.

So whatever's happening between you,
this silence, this little

"secret life of teenagers hoo-ha"
ends now. I'm serious.

The drama is finito y
terminato. Capeesh ?

Some guy from the other team
keeps staring at you.

Yeah.
We hooked up but he was a jerk,

so I went home and signed him up for
the Scientology mailing list.

Oh my God !

Chester's still being weird.
Did you ask him if he was mad at me ?

No. I'm not doing that.

The lockdown was stressful, he doesn't
even remember you getting upset.

You need to relax.
You're too paranoid.

No, I know.
I'm paranoid about everything.

But also with reason.
Naomi was already kind of a bitch,

now this whole Jack thing has just
crystallized her evilness.

She's not going to tell anyone
about Jack. Or about you being bi.

- You should go say hi.
- You go first.

Come on !

- Hey !
- Hey. Thanks for coming !

Thanks for having us !

I wanna show you these photos
I took.

- Aw sick !
- I know right ?

Oh, my God, I am gagged.

- Was Sam here before ?
- I don't know.

Wait. Look at this.

- I love !
- Yeah, it's so good.

They all hate touching them, let alone
sucking on them. It's hard to argue.

- I mean, do gay guys like balls ?
- I mean...

I can't really speak for all of them.
I don't.

Cool, man.

Sweet !

Bro, I say let's get fucked up and
watch the "Fast & Furious" movies.

- I fucking hate those movies.
- All nine of them. Come on.

Don't act like you don't love them.

Yeah, man, I don't want to, like, have
that in my face.

Let's get fucked up and, like, go on
the Matterhorn. You down with that ?

- Oh, you want to ?
- Yeah, I'm in.

If Steve's going, then I'm down.
Don't get the white ball.

Wanna do something later ?

Yes.

I have an idea.

She's just not a pleasant person.

La Reina
is such a bruja to her husband.

Could you put the phone down please ?
Thank you.

He's going to leave her. Probably for
the sister, La Loca - oh she's so fun !

And the curtains in the castle !

Listen...
Has Ana been cleaning ?

You understand I can hear you
even if I can't see you.

- This is how technology works.
- No, I mean it.

When the light was coming in,
it looked like there was dust.

Oh that.
No, that's the cocaine we snort.

You shouldn't be talking like that
in front of Greta.

Stop it !

Honestly, it's not cool.
You'll give me a heart attack.

Do you wanna get high and hang out w
some fish ?

You should be an example, Ana.

I have to go, Mami. I have homework.
Bye. Kisses.

- What kind of hang ?
- I don't know.

Friend hang, date hang, hang hang ?

It's probably nothing. I don't know.

How do you know ?

She did say "fish."

- No. Ew God. No.
- We're getting you ready.

I don't want it to look like I think
it's something. It's probably nothing.

No. Stop. Expect nothing, get nothing.

What is this wallflower wallpaper
shit ?

No, we are re-decorating,
we are giving zero fucks.

You are dressing like
you want to be seen. Let's go.

- Hey !
- Greta !

"Zero fucks."

- Hi Uncle Luke and Aunt Bethuel.
- Look at you !

- And your matching outfits !
- Welcome to the Flying Seaman !

Natalia and Jordan and all of us

are so happy you could join us
for their rehearsal dinner !

That's your mother, isn't it ?
Judas Priest, what a woman !

I said I was sorry.

Also, you hadn't even touched his dick,
so you weren't even that serious.

Hi Uncle Steve and Aunt Katyushka !
Welcome to the Flying Seaman !

Natalia and Jordan and all of us

are so happy you could join us
for their rehearsal dinner !

It is so good to see you !
And it's safe to hug Nathan.

I don't know if you heard, but that
thing with his eye was not pinkeye,

so you definitely won't get infected !
Turns out it was just an irritant.

Not "just an irritant".
A really huge glob of irritant.

But boys will be boys, right ?

I'm glad you're feeling better.
I am so excited for tonight !

Also, I have been so nice to you.

I didn't even tell mom when you put
nail polish remover in my Cetaphil.

Welcome to the Flying Seaman !

That can never happen again.

There you are !

I mean, Wonder Woman !

Gal Gadot and Lynda Carter are feeling
very threatened right now !

I did nothing, 1-800-Party-Planner.

I'm just so happy for Natalia.
Have you seen her yet ?

She's a Vogue cover.

Three people have already
commented how much we look alike.

I said, you don't have to flatter me,
the sushi's already free.

I mean, for us.

Two hundred dollars per person.
Do not say a word to Mark !

But really, is she not Vogue ?

- You're literally sisters.
- No, no. I'm a weathered old hag !

I'm so happy.
I feel like I'm getting married.

Have you seen Jordan's shoe size ?

I have a feeling Natalia is going to be
one very lucky girl !

Hi. This is Chester and Greta.
This is Pablo.

Hi, Pablo.

- So how's Fairmont ?
- Shitty. I hate private school kids.

You're lucky you left.

If you want to get kicked out,
it's not that hard.

What if your butt was on your front
and your front was on your back ?

- Going to the bathroom be weird.
- You'd have to lean over the toilet !

- Imagine !
- Your body's even bent that way.

Wait - oh my God,
am I taking your virginity ?

- Really ?
- Oh my God !

Yes !
We stan a virgin queen.

- You got it.
- That's it!

- That's okay.
- You're good.

It's cool you work in an aquarium.

Did you know that there's a fish that
has a penis on its chin ?

I didn't know that. But I feel like
that would be pretty convenient.

Did you know that a third of all fish
are just people in fish costumes ?

I'm not allowed to talk to strangers.

But literally everyone knows that.

I think I'm going to cum.

Open your eyes.
Open them.

Look at me and keep them open, okay ?

I forgot how weird you are.

- Shit, sorry.
- It's okay.

I was stung by a jellyfish once.

Really ?

I was at the beach with my Nonna,
maybe I was, like, 8 ?

I was screaming so loud.

And this guy nearby felt bad and was
like oh you're supposed to pee on it

and my Nonna was basically like
fuck that.

And I started screaming more,
cuz I wanted to see his penis.

And when he took it out,

which at the time didn't seem as
molester-y as it sounds now,

it was the biggest
thing I've ever seen in my life.

It was so big I literally forgot to be
in pain.

And then there was this gushing
waterfall on my leg.

And that's probably also when I figured
out that being peed on

is not a turn-on for me
but a big penis is.

I feel like that's not
what you were just thinking about.

I was thinking what it would feel like
to

go through life with no brain
and no heart

and just drifting.

She's a sad stoner.

And she feels see-through.

I'm so obvious.

But was I talking about you or me ?

I guess we're all just jellyfishy
bitches.

You know what my mother said to me
on my wedding day ?

She said,
husbands are like horses.

If you aren't riding them,
they're running off.

You do have to admit your mother
is still a head-turner !

It's nice to see her
having such a good time.

It's been hard for her. All this
change, Natalia getting married,

you and Naomi getting older.

Soon it'll be just be me, her
and The Menopause.

I can't wait to meet the lucky girl
you choose to spend your life with.

And that wedding night !
I'm telling you - it is worth the wait.

Sometimes it feels like our bad boys
just can't wait one more day.

But that's what they invented socks
for.

Anyway.

Hold on now, you can't steal
my baby girl and my wife !

I'll take a Sprite and a rum
and Coke for my dad.

- Grown-ups don't drink rum and Coke.
- My dad does. Maybe it's a gay thing ?

Trust me, it's not.
Anyway, it's wine and beer only.

You couldn't've just said that
in the first place ?

I'm just gonna find a place to smoke
some weed.

Same.
Here's your Sprite.

This party... It's a lot.

No we're not ghosting. I literally held
Natalia when she was a day old.

Megan's my oldest friend.

From when you were straight, married,
born again and playing electric guitar.

She's the only one who stuck with me.

And you have to forgive her
for Inception.

- Why ? She came to our house.
- I was there.

- Talked through the entire movie.
- I remember.

And when it was over said she hated it
because it was confusing.

How the fuck do you stay friends
with a person who does that ?

- Hi sweetie !
- Hi. I'm just gonna go pee.

Alert the media !

Sorry.

- It must be my period coming.
- I didn't know you were invited.

My parents know their parents

from the rich Jew-hating club
they all play tennis at.

U have weed ?
Yes.

meet me in stern lower deck

?? I don't speak white

I literally don't know
what is wrong with me.

But I am downstairs.

- Can I ask you something ?
- Sure.

That sleepover we had
where we tried scissoring

and I didn't know I had poison ivy
and it got in your vagina.

Is that why you stopped talking to me ?

Maybe ? Also, you were just way into
writing Hunger Games fan-fiction.

Do you want some ?

But thanks for being so nice.

I'm just going to get some more sushi.

I just want raw fish all the time.

Thanks. I need to take the edge off.
Naomi is driving me crazy.

- Maybe we should go over there.
- Sure.

Thanks.

- Shit. I'm out.
- Oh great.

- I have a joint if you want.
- I can't smell like pot.

- If we shotgun, you won't.
- For real ?

Can we do another ?

I always thought you had blowjob lips.

Thank you.

See ? You don't give off gay vibes.

Why would you even tell her that ?
That is so fucked-up.

That is so - so - so jerky.

First of all, Arianna is one of my best
friends and I tell her everything.

Second of all, I'm just curious what
leg you have to stand on

after you sucked my boyfriend's dick ?

I'm sorry. I told you I didn't even
get my mouth on it !

You just walk through life thinking
you can do fucked-up things

and say you're sorry
and everything will be fine.

But that was a really shitty thing
you did.

I really fucking liked him.

So like, why would you do that ?

I know I can't say I'm sorry but
I genuinely feel like shit about it.

And like how mom says,
hurt people hurt people, you know ?

Are you high ?

- Wait.
- Oh shit.

- Oh hi - sorry.
- No. Something got on my shirt.

I love this place.

- The bathroom ?
- The Aquarium.

Oh, yeah.

Do any of these soaps work ?

What'd you get kicked out of your
old school for ? Thank you.

I did a photo assignment of guys' faces
when they were cumming.

The whole idea was how society presents
this oppressive myth about how

sex and emotion are always linked when
really it's about power and dopamine.

But the school sucked and it was full
of so many entitled rich assholes.

And my parents wouldn't let me leave
so I had to get creative.

- Can I -
- Sorry.

What are you doing ?

I'm wondering where all the fish are.

- I don't know where they are.
- Where are they ?

Know what I want to eat more than
anything in the world right now ?

Babies - no I know. Sushi.

Not only that, I know where we can
get so much of it for free.

Let's take a trip !

... and Natalia, you were so stubborn
from the moment you were born.

Growing up she would hold her breath
until she got what she wanted.

And it's one thing if it's a Furby,
but a Mini Cooper.

She got it. Yeah...

Anyway.

To Natalia and Jordan, may you be
blessed with a happy marriage

and a big brood of Jordan almonds !

Hi, everyone ! Thank you all so much
for being here.

My family is so grateful you could make
it, and we're so thrilled

to be celebrating Natalia's big day
with such loving friends and family.

Natalia, you're the best sister
I could ever ask for.

And recently I've been thinking a lot
about

what makes a great sibling
and what makes one trash.

First, a great sibling has to be
someone you can trust no matter what.

Also someone that everyone can trust,

and who doesn't go down on Christmas
Eve to secretly unwrap their presents

and see what they got.

Or who thinks 9 dollars in quarters is
an acceptable birthday present.

Anyway, I love you and I hope you
and Jordan have an amazing life

with lots of kids who are good brothers
and sisters to each other

and don't do things like...

Your turn.

Oh, hey !

Hi all you beautiful Christian lovers
and shakers

and welcome to the Flying Seaman !

Not to be rebundant...

That's not the word...

But I've also been thinking about what
makes a good sibling

and how I can be better.

Like how Jesus wants me to be better
and He is right.

So shout out to my main man Jesus !

Even though I have made mistakes my
sister is my best friend in the world.

Not you, Natalia. I mean I do love you.
Just not as much.

That's only 'cause you're older and
I don't really like know you that well.

Anyway you know what I mean.

And Jordan you are a total stud.

I mean that like a brother.

It's okay Mom,
I'm getting to the good part.

When Naomi and I were kids,

we'd do that Lady and the Tramp
thing with the spaghetti,

where you eat towards each other from
the opposite ends.

I guess that sounds a little
incestuous

but back then it was just us
loving each other.

Not in a creepy way.

And one thing
I've realized over these past two weeks

is just how alone I have felt without
you, and how much I've wanted you...

To be my friend again.

Just one more sec ! Cuz what I'm
trying to say to Naomi is that

I never meant to hurt you. And I know
that sounds completely ridiculous.

I should have thought about that before
I hooked up with your boyfriend

but sometimes life is just a day late
and a dollar short.

To clarify,
I also like girls too.

Like when Riley and I went to
the Jew meeting I even said

how happy I was that Sophie Deichman-
Alperstein was dressing kind of slutty.

Maybe I shouldn't've said slutty.
But um...

- Nathan, stop !
- Let me go !

Why couldn't you have just let me be
an only child like I wanted !

Thank you for ruining my entire fucking
wedding weekend.

It's my wedding.
I'm fucking cursing if I want to.

- The wedding is not ruined.
- It's totally ruined.

But like, apology accepted.

We're saying it was just a funny little
nothing that got out of control.

Just a funny nothing.

- But...
- No.

- Mom, it wasn't...
- No !

Shit shit shit.