Gayliens (2022–…): Season 1, Episode 3 - No Exit, Stage Left - full transcript
A gay couple hides in an abandoned theater during an alien invasion and build a private world for themselves.
(ominous warbling
electronic tones)
(up tempo
electronic music)
(up tempo electronic
music continues)
(up tempo electronic music ends)
[Spokesperson]
Ladies and gentlemen,
the President of
the United States.
(anxious electronic,
piano music)
[President] At 9:00 a.m.
Eastern Standard Time,
the first spaceships
began their attack
on the 200 most
populated urban cities.
(anxious piano music)
As of now, by all
accounts, four billion people,
half of the
world's population
- (sirens blaring)
- have been killed.
- (gunfire clacking)
- Earth's combined
military defense has failed.
God created this
world in six days,
then rested on
the seventh.
I can only assume He
is still sleeping.
(gunfire clacking)
I am honored to have
been your President
during this most
critical time.
(rattling
electronic tones)
Be strong, my fellow Americans.
I love you all.
- (explosion booms)
- (glass shatters)
(people screaming)
(anxious piano,
electronic music)
You ask me why I do not
stand by your side in this.
A gun clenched in your right
hand and a knife in your left,
you ask me why I turn my back
on my people and my country.
- "World."
- What?
"World," not "country."
It says "country."
I don't give a
fuck what it says.
I'm rewriting, it's "world."
You ask me why I turn my
back on my people and my world.
"World" just doesn't
sound right to me.
It's "world."
Is life not worth fighting for?
Is life not a thing
that you must sweat
and scream and claw for
and bite and scratch and bleed?
Good.
What is more precious to you?
Your blood or
your freedom?
For if you're not
prepared to lose one,
you will certainly
lose the other.
(explosion booms)
Continue.
- But-
- Continue.
You ask me why I do not fight.
I will tell why.
Because my life is
worth fighting for.
It is a prize worth more
than every blue
ribbon in the world.
It is worth more than
every battle hymn,
every notch in your gun barrel,
every bomb dropped like
dead birds from the sky.
You're worthless.
What?
You're worthless.
You are nothing.
Your life doesn't mean shit.
Not in front of Joaquin.
Why are you even making a case
for how precious your life is?
I don't believe it.
- You don't believe it.
- No.
Do it again.
Again!
That is why I
do not fight,
because my life
is precious to me.
So go ahead and spill your
blood on the battlefield.
Yes.
Go ahead and play toy
soldiers with the other boy.
Hell yes.
These soldiers fight back.
That is why I do not wage war
because my life is mine
and I choose to protect it.
End scene.
(Orson claps)
Take a bow.
(canned audience applauds)
(remote clicks)
You were wonderful.
I had a great director.
(Orson laughs)
You deserve a bouquet of roses.
Dinner's fine.
(soft piano music)
Mm, I love the smell
of your cooking.
It's just soup.
You must have put
some behind your ears.
Campbell's Creamy Chicken
Mushroom by Chanel.
Thank God the water and
power are still working.
They're working their way
out to the industrial area.
We'll be lucky if it's
working past next week.
Fucking invaders.
Stay positive.
That reminds me, did
you take your pill?
(soft piano, violin music)
(pills rattling)
Come on.
You know how I like it.
(soft piano, violin music)
Water.
(Orson coughs)
(soft piano, violin music)
I was doing Shakespeare
when I was diagnosed positive.
An all-gay production
of "Julius Caesar."
Every night, I was murdered
on stage by a dozen Senators
but it was this tiny virus
that was going to kill me.
Modern medicine has kept
me alive for 30 years and now
I'm gonna be killed by
goddamn aliens from outer space.
Hey, be strong.
Be strong for me.
(soft piano, violin music)
(Orson sighs)
You're right.
Save the jello
for dessert.
Soup's on.
(soft electronic tones)
(soft flute, electronic music)
(soft piano, violin music)
(spoons clinking softly)
I miss the internet.
Yeah, a lot of it was
crap, mindless garbage
but there was so
much information.
Stock prices,
music, videos,
books, news.
Cat videos.
What do you miss most?
(soft piano, violin music)
- The Tonys.
- Oh yeah.
The lights, the pageantry,
the sets, the music.
Oh my god,
Jojo, the stars.
Angela Lansbury,
Bernadette Peters,
Patty LuPone.
I wonder if she made it?
Patty LuPone, I wonder
if she's still alive?
If there's a God.
I like to think that she
and Angela and Bernadette
and all of the others
are safe and sound
in a secret hidden
bunker made just to keep
the dream of American
musical theater alive
and they're all
singing and dancing
and drinking
cocktails and dishing
about Stephen Sondheim and
the Golden Age of Broadway.
Don't you?
Well, of course I do.
♪ For I am a pirate king ♪
♪ Hurrah for the pirate king ♪
♪ And it is, it is a
glorious thing to be a pirate
king ♪
♪ Hip, hip, hurrah
for the pirate king ♪
♪ Hurrah for the pirate king ♪
(Orson laughs)
Theater is my life.
Our life.
(clothes hangers clink)
I've written a new
monologue for our next
production.
Oh, what's it about?
Love.
Write what you know.
(lips smooch)
You want to read it?
Of course.
(lips smooch)
(paper rustles)
"I don't want to go out there.
"Our world is here.
"Our lives are here.
"I'm tired.
Let it end now, here with you."
- (knocking)
- (tense violin music)
(knocking)
[Woman's Voice] Help, help me.
Is anyone in there?
- (knocking)
- Let me in, please.
Please help me.
For God's sake, Orson,
we have to let her in.
We don't have to do anything.
[Susan] Please, my
name is Susan Collins.
I'm 42 years old.
I have three children
and one grandchild.
They're depending on me
for food, please let me in.
For God's sake, Orson.
[Susan] Please, please.
We don't have enough food.
We don't have enough
water, we don't have enough
room.
We have an entire theater.
[Susan] I hear you.
I know you're there.
Let me in, open this fucking
door and let me inside, hurry.
(tense violin music)
Jojo, Jojo, we don't
have enough food.
We don't have
enough water.
What if it's a trick?
What if she's out there
with a dozen others
just waiting for us to open
the door so they can rush in
and steal all of our
supplies and leave us for dead?
Maybe even kill us?
"What is more precious to
you, her blood or your safety?"
- You're doing it wrong.
- I'm rewriting.
"For if you are not
prepared to lose one,
you will certainly
lose the other."
[Susan] Oh god, oh
my god, it's coming.
I can see it, it's
coming for me.
For God's sake, let me in.
- (ship warbles)
- (Susan screams)
(death ray shrieks)
(tense electronic tones)
(alien chittering)
- (loud thudding)
- (tense electronic music)
(steady tempo drumbeat)
(wood clattering)
(door breaking)
(alien roaring)
(tense electronic music)
(tense electronic
music continues)
(loud clattering)
(glass shatters)
(door creaks)
♪ For I am a pirate king ♪
♪ Hurrah for the pirate king ♪
♪ It is a glorious thing
to be a pirate king ♪
- (relaxed electronic
music) - (soft chanting)
(rhythmic
shakers rattling)
- (relaxed electronic
music) - (mid tempo drumbeat)
(soft flute tones)
- (relaxed electronic
music) - (mid tempo drumbeat)
- Thank you, Joaquin.
- Thanks, Joaquin.
(relaxed electronic,
piano music)
(Jojo and Orson moaning)
- (relaxed electronic music)
- (rhythmic shakers rattling)
(lips smooch)
- (relaxed electronic
music) - (mid tempo drumbeat)
(soft chanting)
- (relaxed electronic
music) - (Orson and Jojo
moaning)
(soft chanting)
- (relaxed electronic
music) - (mid tempo drumbeat)
(soft flute, piano tones)
- (relaxed electronic
music) - (mid tempo drumbeat)
(bell chimes)
(rhythmic
shakers rattling)
- (soft chanting)
- (soft piano music)
- (relaxed electronic
music) - (soft chanting)
(water drips)
(no audio)
(Orson and Jojo rustling)
It's dark, did the power go out?
They might have
broken the spotlight
or a breaker flipped.
(no audio)
(trapdoor clacks softly)
(no audio)
I'm gonna go check the doors.
If anything happens, hide
in the wardrobe room.
(low, tense electronic tones)
(low, tense electronic
tones continues)
(jeans clattering)
(low, tense electronic tones)
(view port creaks)
(jeans clattering)
(anxious warbling
electronic music)
(steady tempo drumbeat)
(anxious mid tempo
electronic music)
(anxious mid tempo
electronic music continues)
(eerie whirring)
(view port creaks)
(anxious mid tempo
electronic music)
Orson?
- (spotlight booms)
- (eerie electronic tones)
Orson?
Thank God it's you, that
light came on by itself.
Must have been
a brown out.
We're lucky it
even came back on.
- Someone's here.
- No, no one's here.
Not now, they've left.
I hope you're right.
Listen to your director.
Oh shit, I'm performing tonight.
Do you really think
you should still
be performing after
all that's happened?
Of course.
They've searched and found
nothing and think it's empty.
They won't be back.
Not the toga.
You're doing "Julius
Caesar," again?
It's my own
interpretation.
(Orson taps)
Two minutes to
curtain, Mr. Daley.
It has been a long 24 hours.
The theater is my life.
Our life.
Besides,
Joaquin wants to see
me do Shakespeare.
(soft flute, piano music)
(tense warbling tones)
(footsteps pattering)
What can be avoided whose end
is purposed by the mighty gods?
Yet Caesar shall go forth.
For these predictions
are to the wor-
Sorry.
For these predictions
are to the world in
general, as to Caesar.
Cowards die many times
before their death.
The valiant never taste
of death but once.
Of all the wonders that I yet-
(light rattles)
I tightened it.
(Orson sighs)
Of all the wonders
that I yet have heard,
it seems to me most
strange that men should fear,
seeing that death,
a necessary end,
will come when it will come.
What the fucketh, Jojo?
Orson, I keep tightening.
Should I continue, or?
- (alien chitters)
- Oh, I've lost my place.
Shh, Orson, do you see anything?
I can't see anything with
the light in my face.
(alien chitters)
May I continue?
Let's do something else.
[Orson] Like "Hamlet"
or "Othello?"
Something non-Shakespeare.
- (Orson gasps)
- Non-Shakespeare?
Shakespeare's boring.
(Orson gasps
incredulously)
(alien chitters)
(tense electronic tones)
- (Jojo screams)
- (alien roars)
Jojo, up here.
(alien chitters, growls)
(tense electronic, flute music)
No!
(Joaquin rips)
- (ominous piano tones)
- (alien roars)
(alien squelches)
- (tense electronic music)
- (alien roars)
(canned audience applauds)
The stage is for
performers only.
(alien roars)
(alien squelches,
chitters)
(alien roars)
(tense electronic music)
(door thuds)
Help me.
- (tense electronic music)
- (ominous chanting)
The best day of my life
was the day I met you.
I'm sorry I said
Shakespeare was boring.
- (tense electronic music)
- (ominous chanting)
- (loud clattering)
- (alien chitters)
(loud clattering
continues)
- (tense electronic music)
- (ominous chanting)
(tense electronic
music continues)
- (Jojo screams)
- (alien roars)
- (door thuds)
- (tense electronic music)
(brass tacks clattering)
(door thuds)
- (tense electronic music)
- (alien chitters)
What are you waiting for,
Zontar? Come and get me.
(alien squeals, groans)
That's for Joaquin,
you mother fucking thing
from another world.
(alien chitters)
Okay, we found this
place, we'll find another.
The old world burns,
the new one rises.
As long as we have each other,
we will live, we will
thrive, we will love.
Is that how it goes?
I'm rewriting.
(loud thudding)
(alien roars)
Wait.
(soft piano music)
"I don't want to go out there.
"Our world is here.
"Our lives are here.
"I'm tired.
"Let it end.
"Here.
"Now.
With you."
(alien roars)
End scene.
- (tense electronic music)
- (soft piano music)
Perfect.
Theater is my life.
Our life.
- (bell tolls)
- (loud thudding)
- (tense electronic music)
- (loud thudding increases)
We had a good run.
I can't wait to
read the reviews.
(door breaks)
(alien roars)
(alien footsteps
splatting)
(tense electronic music)
(soft electronic music)
(soft electronic
music continues)
(soft electronic
music continues)
(soft electronic music ends)
electronic tones)
(up tempo
electronic music)
(up tempo electronic
music continues)
(up tempo electronic music ends)
[Spokesperson]
Ladies and gentlemen,
the President of
the United States.
(anxious electronic,
piano music)
[President] At 9:00 a.m.
Eastern Standard Time,
the first spaceships
began their attack
on the 200 most
populated urban cities.
(anxious piano music)
As of now, by all
accounts, four billion people,
half of the
world's population
- (sirens blaring)
- have been killed.
- (gunfire clacking)
- Earth's combined
military defense has failed.
God created this
world in six days,
then rested on
the seventh.
I can only assume He
is still sleeping.
(gunfire clacking)
I am honored to have
been your President
during this most
critical time.
(rattling
electronic tones)
Be strong, my fellow Americans.
I love you all.
- (explosion booms)
- (glass shatters)
(people screaming)
(anxious piano,
electronic music)
You ask me why I do not
stand by your side in this.
A gun clenched in your right
hand and a knife in your left,
you ask me why I turn my back
on my people and my country.
- "World."
- What?
"World," not "country."
It says "country."
I don't give a
fuck what it says.
I'm rewriting, it's "world."
You ask me why I turn my
back on my people and my world.
"World" just doesn't
sound right to me.
It's "world."
Is life not worth fighting for?
Is life not a thing
that you must sweat
and scream and claw for
and bite and scratch and bleed?
Good.
What is more precious to you?
Your blood or
your freedom?
For if you're not
prepared to lose one,
you will certainly
lose the other.
(explosion booms)
Continue.
- But-
- Continue.
You ask me why I do not fight.
I will tell why.
Because my life is
worth fighting for.
It is a prize worth more
than every blue
ribbon in the world.
It is worth more than
every battle hymn,
every notch in your gun barrel,
every bomb dropped like
dead birds from the sky.
You're worthless.
What?
You're worthless.
You are nothing.
Your life doesn't mean shit.
Not in front of Joaquin.
Why are you even making a case
for how precious your life is?
I don't believe it.
- You don't believe it.
- No.
Do it again.
Again!
That is why I
do not fight,
because my life
is precious to me.
So go ahead and spill your
blood on the battlefield.
Yes.
Go ahead and play toy
soldiers with the other boy.
Hell yes.
These soldiers fight back.
That is why I do not wage war
because my life is mine
and I choose to protect it.
End scene.
(Orson claps)
Take a bow.
(canned audience applauds)
(remote clicks)
You were wonderful.
I had a great director.
(Orson laughs)
You deserve a bouquet of roses.
Dinner's fine.
(soft piano music)
Mm, I love the smell
of your cooking.
It's just soup.
You must have put
some behind your ears.
Campbell's Creamy Chicken
Mushroom by Chanel.
Thank God the water and
power are still working.
They're working their way
out to the industrial area.
We'll be lucky if it's
working past next week.
Fucking invaders.
Stay positive.
That reminds me, did
you take your pill?
(soft piano, violin music)
(pills rattling)
Come on.
You know how I like it.
(soft piano, violin music)
Water.
(Orson coughs)
(soft piano, violin music)
I was doing Shakespeare
when I was diagnosed positive.
An all-gay production
of "Julius Caesar."
Every night, I was murdered
on stage by a dozen Senators
but it was this tiny virus
that was going to kill me.
Modern medicine has kept
me alive for 30 years and now
I'm gonna be killed by
goddamn aliens from outer space.
Hey, be strong.
Be strong for me.
(soft piano, violin music)
(Orson sighs)
You're right.
Save the jello
for dessert.
Soup's on.
(soft electronic tones)
(soft flute, electronic music)
(soft piano, violin music)
(spoons clinking softly)
I miss the internet.
Yeah, a lot of it was
crap, mindless garbage
but there was so
much information.
Stock prices,
music, videos,
books, news.
Cat videos.
What do you miss most?
(soft piano, violin music)
- The Tonys.
- Oh yeah.
The lights, the pageantry,
the sets, the music.
Oh my god,
Jojo, the stars.
Angela Lansbury,
Bernadette Peters,
Patty LuPone.
I wonder if she made it?
Patty LuPone, I wonder
if she's still alive?
If there's a God.
I like to think that she
and Angela and Bernadette
and all of the others
are safe and sound
in a secret hidden
bunker made just to keep
the dream of American
musical theater alive
and they're all
singing and dancing
and drinking
cocktails and dishing
about Stephen Sondheim and
the Golden Age of Broadway.
Don't you?
Well, of course I do.
♪ For I am a pirate king ♪
♪ Hurrah for the pirate king ♪
♪ And it is, it is a
glorious thing to be a pirate
king ♪
♪ Hip, hip, hurrah
for the pirate king ♪
♪ Hurrah for the pirate king ♪
(Orson laughs)
Theater is my life.
Our life.
(clothes hangers clink)
I've written a new
monologue for our next
production.
Oh, what's it about?
Love.
Write what you know.
(lips smooch)
You want to read it?
Of course.
(lips smooch)
(paper rustles)
"I don't want to go out there.
"Our world is here.
"Our lives are here.
"I'm tired.
Let it end now, here with you."
- (knocking)
- (tense violin music)
(knocking)
[Woman's Voice] Help, help me.
Is anyone in there?
- (knocking)
- Let me in, please.
Please help me.
For God's sake, Orson,
we have to let her in.
We don't have to do anything.
[Susan] Please, my
name is Susan Collins.
I'm 42 years old.
I have three children
and one grandchild.
They're depending on me
for food, please let me in.
For God's sake, Orson.
[Susan] Please, please.
We don't have enough food.
We don't have enough
water, we don't have enough
room.
We have an entire theater.
[Susan] I hear you.
I know you're there.
Let me in, open this fucking
door and let me inside, hurry.
(tense violin music)
Jojo, Jojo, we don't
have enough food.
We don't have
enough water.
What if it's a trick?
What if she's out there
with a dozen others
just waiting for us to open
the door so they can rush in
and steal all of our
supplies and leave us for dead?
Maybe even kill us?
"What is more precious to
you, her blood or your safety?"
- You're doing it wrong.
- I'm rewriting.
"For if you are not
prepared to lose one,
you will certainly
lose the other."
[Susan] Oh god, oh
my god, it's coming.
I can see it, it's
coming for me.
For God's sake, let me in.
- (ship warbles)
- (Susan screams)
(death ray shrieks)
(tense electronic tones)
(alien chittering)
- (loud thudding)
- (tense electronic music)
(steady tempo drumbeat)
(wood clattering)
(door breaking)
(alien roaring)
(tense electronic music)
(tense electronic
music continues)
(loud clattering)
(glass shatters)
(door creaks)
♪ For I am a pirate king ♪
♪ Hurrah for the pirate king ♪
♪ It is a glorious thing
to be a pirate king ♪
- (relaxed electronic
music) - (soft chanting)
(rhythmic
shakers rattling)
- (relaxed electronic
music) - (mid tempo drumbeat)
(soft flute tones)
- (relaxed electronic
music) - (mid tempo drumbeat)
- Thank you, Joaquin.
- Thanks, Joaquin.
(relaxed electronic,
piano music)
(Jojo and Orson moaning)
- (relaxed electronic music)
- (rhythmic shakers rattling)
(lips smooch)
- (relaxed electronic
music) - (mid tempo drumbeat)
(soft chanting)
- (relaxed electronic
music) - (Orson and Jojo
moaning)
(soft chanting)
- (relaxed electronic
music) - (mid tempo drumbeat)
(soft flute, piano tones)
- (relaxed electronic
music) - (mid tempo drumbeat)
(bell chimes)
(rhythmic
shakers rattling)
- (soft chanting)
- (soft piano music)
- (relaxed electronic
music) - (soft chanting)
(water drips)
(no audio)
(Orson and Jojo rustling)
It's dark, did the power go out?
They might have
broken the spotlight
or a breaker flipped.
(no audio)
(trapdoor clacks softly)
(no audio)
I'm gonna go check the doors.
If anything happens, hide
in the wardrobe room.
(low, tense electronic tones)
(low, tense electronic
tones continues)
(jeans clattering)
(low, tense electronic tones)
(view port creaks)
(jeans clattering)
(anxious warbling
electronic music)
(steady tempo drumbeat)
(anxious mid tempo
electronic music)
(anxious mid tempo
electronic music continues)
(eerie whirring)
(view port creaks)
(anxious mid tempo
electronic music)
Orson?
- (spotlight booms)
- (eerie electronic tones)
Orson?
Thank God it's you, that
light came on by itself.
Must have been
a brown out.
We're lucky it
even came back on.
- Someone's here.
- No, no one's here.
Not now, they've left.
I hope you're right.
Listen to your director.
Oh shit, I'm performing tonight.
Do you really think
you should still
be performing after
all that's happened?
Of course.
They've searched and found
nothing and think it's empty.
They won't be back.
Not the toga.
You're doing "Julius
Caesar," again?
It's my own
interpretation.
(Orson taps)
Two minutes to
curtain, Mr. Daley.
It has been a long 24 hours.
The theater is my life.
Our life.
Besides,
Joaquin wants to see
me do Shakespeare.
(soft flute, piano music)
(tense warbling tones)
(footsteps pattering)
What can be avoided whose end
is purposed by the mighty gods?
Yet Caesar shall go forth.
For these predictions
are to the wor-
Sorry.
For these predictions
are to the world in
general, as to Caesar.
Cowards die many times
before their death.
The valiant never taste
of death but once.
Of all the wonders that I yet-
(light rattles)
I tightened it.
(Orson sighs)
Of all the wonders
that I yet have heard,
it seems to me most
strange that men should fear,
seeing that death,
a necessary end,
will come when it will come.
What the fucketh, Jojo?
Orson, I keep tightening.
Should I continue, or?
- (alien chitters)
- Oh, I've lost my place.
Shh, Orson, do you see anything?
I can't see anything with
the light in my face.
(alien chitters)
May I continue?
Let's do something else.
[Orson] Like "Hamlet"
or "Othello?"
Something non-Shakespeare.
- (Orson gasps)
- Non-Shakespeare?
Shakespeare's boring.
(Orson gasps
incredulously)
(alien chitters)
(tense electronic tones)
- (Jojo screams)
- (alien roars)
Jojo, up here.
(alien chitters, growls)
(tense electronic, flute music)
No!
(Joaquin rips)
- (ominous piano tones)
- (alien roars)
(alien squelches)
- (tense electronic music)
- (alien roars)
(canned audience applauds)
The stage is for
performers only.
(alien roars)
(alien squelches,
chitters)
(alien roars)
(tense electronic music)
(door thuds)
Help me.
- (tense electronic music)
- (ominous chanting)
The best day of my life
was the day I met you.
I'm sorry I said
Shakespeare was boring.
- (tense electronic music)
- (ominous chanting)
- (loud clattering)
- (alien chitters)
(loud clattering
continues)
- (tense electronic music)
- (ominous chanting)
(tense electronic
music continues)
- (Jojo screams)
- (alien roars)
- (door thuds)
- (tense electronic music)
(brass tacks clattering)
(door thuds)
- (tense electronic music)
- (alien chitters)
What are you waiting for,
Zontar? Come and get me.
(alien squeals, groans)
That's for Joaquin,
you mother fucking thing
from another world.
(alien chitters)
Okay, we found this
place, we'll find another.
The old world burns,
the new one rises.
As long as we have each other,
we will live, we will
thrive, we will love.
Is that how it goes?
I'm rewriting.
(loud thudding)
(alien roars)
Wait.
(soft piano music)
"I don't want to go out there.
"Our world is here.
"Our lives are here.
"I'm tired.
"Let it end.
"Here.
"Now.
With you."
(alien roars)
End scene.
- (tense electronic music)
- (soft piano music)
Perfect.
Theater is my life.
Our life.
- (bell tolls)
- (loud thudding)
- (tense electronic music)
- (loud thudding increases)
We had a good run.
I can't wait to
read the reviews.
(door breaks)
(alien roars)
(alien footsteps
splatting)
(tense electronic music)
(soft electronic music)
(soft electronic
music continues)
(soft electronic
music continues)
(soft electronic music ends)