Gavin & Stacey (2007–…): Season 3, Episode 5 - Episode #3.5 - full transcript
Pam and Mick arrive to spend a sunny Bank Holiday on the beach with the Wests and Doris and are joined by Nessa with baby Neil, escaping the atmosphere between her and Dave Coaches. Smithy also turns up and Gavin feels envious watching him and Nessa make sandcastles with their son but perks up after a heart-to-heart with Mick about other options. Later they have a barbecue with stolen meat and Dave Coaches and Smithy call a truce as the wedding approaches. Bryn, however, is embarrassed to be reminded that Jason will be attending. After all something 'happened' between the two once on a fishing trip.
What if I can't have kids?
Stacey said you've been trying,
but HAVE you been trying? What?!
That's what I wondered!
It's quality.
BOTH: Not quantity.
Oh! Don't talk to her
like I'm not here.
This is our son. Mine and hers.
We're getting married on June 13th.
It'll all change then. Will it?
I hope it works out, given me
and her woke up in bed last time
she came up here without you.
What?!
I'm afraid there IS a problem.
It's you, Gavin.
You've got a low sperm count.
It will be OK, Gav.
PHONE RINGS
Hiya!
Are you still asleep?
'No.'
How come?
Well, I'm up. I've been the shop,
got a paper, some milk.
It's a lush day, innit?
I know. It's bakin'.
And there's the Elvis convention.
The island's going to be packed.
What you up to today, then?
Dunno - might pop down
and see you later.
Aw, that'll be nice.
Make sure you text before you come
though, so I can take my break.
Hang on a minute. I think my parents
just pulled up outside the house.
What, your parents?
Your mum and dad? Pam and Mick?
'Yeah!'
Oh, my God. Maybe your nan's died.
Right. Which one?
Cos they're both dead.
Are they? And mine are.
Aw. There's lush.
I'll call you back.
Yoo-hoo! Surprise!
What you doin' here?
Oh, that's a nice welcome(!)
Hiya, mate. Hiya.
No, it's just... Well, it's
just a surprise, that's all.
That's cos we wanted
to surprise you!
Needless to say,
this was your mother's idea.
It wasn't actually.
It was Dawn and Pete's.
They saw the weather
last night on Sky and said,
"It's going to be nice in Wales
tomorrow, by all accounts.
"Let's spend the day
on Barry Beach."
Are they following you? No.
They had a row, 3am this morning.
They're not speakin'.
Dawn threw him out.
He slept in the shed. Why?
The ring. That bloody ring.
Mick? Pam? Gav? I'm up here!
Hiya! Hello!
There I was, having a bath,
when the phone goes. It's Glenda.
She says Gav's mum and dad
have pulled up outside Gwen's.
I said, "Don't be daft, Glenda."
But, lo and behold, she was right!
And there you are.
Here we are! Here we are.
Wait there, I'll get dressed.
I'm naked.
< Well, that's a fiver I owe Glenda!
Hiya, Doris.
All right, Dor?
She just emailed me
and said it was you, and I said,
"I'll bet you five quid it isn't."
And here you are!
She's made a twat of me, Pam.
I'll tell you something else.
Gwen's in for a shock.
Glenda just text me!
She said you were here!
Well, what a shock.
I know! It's a surprise!
We fancied a day on the beach.
Oh, that's the ticket.
That sounds lovely. Can we join you?
Gwen, we would love it.
We've got everything in the back -
windbreaks, Lilos, surfboards...
It's a bodyboard.
Are you comin', Doris?
I haven't been down
the island for years.
Well, all the more reason.
Well, why not!
Doughnut, a bag of chips,
I'm your girl. I'll have
to dig out my bikini.
PAM LAUGHS
Jokin' I am, Gav.
A one-piece it is.
PAM LAUGHS
Oh! Sorry about that.
You were quick.
Oh, I'm only halfway through, Pam.
I've not even talcumed yet.
Now, I hear we're
going down the beach.
How'd you hear that?
Glenda. On Twitter.
She said she's seen
Gav's mum and dad
talking to Gwen about
going down the beach.
You're coming, aren't you?
I should cocoa!
But I'm thinkin' about
little baby Neil the Baby.
He'd love it down there. He would!
But what's the latest
with Nessa and Dave?
We don't really know.
We've not heard a peep.
Let me exfoliate. I'll pop down
the van, see how the land lies.
GWEN: Well, come on in.
So... this is O...bama.
All right?
O...bama.
Not to be confused with...
O...sama.
Ah!
O...bama.
O...sama.
Very different people
with very different ideas.
You fancy a rusk?
Me too.
All right?
Yeah. I gotta get a new gas.
We'll come with you, if you like.
No, you're all right.
Where to you goin'?
I dunno. Rylands? Lawsons?
They open bank holidays?
Shit. Yeah, probably not.
Well, we should last
till tomorrow, shouldn't we?
You talkin' about the Calor Gas
or our relationship?
Aw, Dave, man, come on!
Why you being like this?
Why am I being like this?
You gotta to let it go.
Why you sleepin' with another man?
I told you, I didn't sleep with him.
Not like that.
Positive, are you? No, I'm not, if
truth be told. But what can I do?
I bought you that Aston Villa strip.
I know, and I loves it.
You know I does.
I can't bear it, Ness,
thinkin' of you and him together,
doin' things...
You know, doin' stuff that we do,
the things that we do...
Look, I know we didn't do
any of that stuff, OK?
But how do you know?
Cos I didn't have my bag.
My tools. My cloak.
Anyway, he couldn't
take that level of...
KNOCK AT DOOR
Nessa? Dave? Neil?
It's Bryn.
We're in here, Bryn.
DOOR OPENS
Hello, you three!
Whew! Hot in here.
That better for you, Bryn?
Yes. Thank you.
Now, here's the thing.
Pam and Mick...Shipman
have just turned up on the doorstep,
out of the blue,
and we've all decided
to go the beach.
Will you join us?
Will Smithy be there?
Oh!
No. As far as I know,
his name's not been mentioned.
I know things between the two of you
are not exactly...well, peachy.
Look, you do what you like.
I gotta find me some gas.
We're nearly empty, aren't we, Ness?
Catch you later, Bryn.
Good...God!
The tension in here, Ness,
it's unbearable!
Is this what it's been like?
Yeah, for weeks.
Well, I don't want to know
the details - the ins, the outs...
That's the problem, Bryn.
I can't remember if there were any.
MUSIC: "Colourful Life"
by Cajun Dance Party
# I'd love to go to a brand new place
but recognise the sky
# A brand new motion
yet same old people... #
Hiya!
Hiya.
Aw!
You look so lush.
What you mean? Just watchin' you
then, from the kiosk, smilin'.
It's been so long since I seen
you proper smilin'. Oh, that's nice.
Hiya, Stace!
We're on the island.
Can you believe it?
First time!
I know. What d'you think?
I like it - a beautiful beach!
Well, it's nice.
But I suppose that's
cos the sun's shining.
I mean, I expect if it was raining
or just a bit overcast,
it would be quite a bleak
and depressing place.
A bit like Billericay, really.
Hiya, love. You going to
come down on your break?
Definitely. Where? Down by
the left or the right?
Probably the middle.
Yeah, it's nice there.
See you later.
DORIS: See you down there, love.
See you later.
All right, Ness?
Hiya. Where's Dave?
What's occurrin'?
Stace, we're not
mentioning Dave today.
Today is a David-free zone.
Is it still bad?
The atmosphere in that caravan
is what I can only describe as...
Well, I can't describe it.
So, Dave's not comin' then?
Oh, Gav, what happened
to this Dave-free zone?
< Oh, Stace!
Sorry, Marco!
Come on! I got seven Elvises here,
all gasping for a cappuccino.
Right. I'll see you later. See ya.
PHONE RINGS
All right, mate?
Gavelarindini!
Guess where I am?
Where? Guess.
Where? 'No, guess.'
Where?
Guess. Upton Park.
Wrong! I'm in my car.
Oh, yeah. Where you goin'? Guess.
Just tell me where you are!
OK, I've just crossed a big bridge.
I paid £5.40 for the privilege.
I'm currently coming off the M4,
onto the A48, heading westbound,
straight towards
the Isle of Barreee...
You're comin' here!
..where I know for a fact my best
friend's wife's at work all day,
leaving him, AKA you,
sat at home, watching YouPorn,
playing with what can only be
described, after recent revelations,
as his empty, useless gonads.
Smithy! You gotta laugh at
it. Gotta laugh adversity
right in the face.
I don't. That's really horrible!
'Whoa!'
What about when Gary and Simon's
uncle had his testicle removed
and he came in the Crown
after his operation?
I don't remember you
holding back. What was it?
I don't know. What was
the song that YOU made up?
The One-ball Of Wimbledon.
# Underground, overground
BOTH: # Wombling free
# The one-ball
of Wimbledon Common are we. #
I'll give you that. The irony
is he's moved to Wimbledon.
You're on your way here?
We're going to go to the beach.
I want to be the first person
to take my son
and walk him on the sand.
The only problem is he's
already on the beach. We all are.
Mum and Dad, everyone.
It was a bit impromptu.
What? Is Dave there?
No, hang on.
Bryn, is Dave comin'?
We don't know. He's gone to get gas.
He's gone to get gas.
Oh, well in that case,
look, I'm not going to bother.
I...I'll just turn around.
'It's probably for the best.'
Yeah, probably.
No! Why's it for the best?
I'm tryin' to see my son!
Stop tryin' to stop me.
I'm not! Don't then!
I'll see you in a bit! Goodbye!
See ya.
This is a beautiful beach!
I'm glad you said that, Mick,
because we're very proud of our
beaches in Barry. Aren't we, Gwen?
Oh, yes. I prefer it
to Porthcawl. Now, now.
The thing is, Mick, I've got a
lot of happy memories of this beach.
Some of the best times
of my childhood.
We used to come over
for the day from Swansea.
And see those rocks over there?
Yeah.
Well, I'll never forget Trevor,
my brother, God rest his soul,
and his friend, Ian Dixon - Dixie
they called him, I don't know why -
I'll never forget them
dangling me over the edge there,
one summer holidays,
by my ankles, swinging me
back and forth, back and forth!
Oh, they were laughing away.
And if I hadn't held my hands out,
my face would've been
bashing against those rocks...
Bryn, that's terrible!
No, it was just tomfoolery, Pam!
Really? Yes.
The folly of youth.
And between you and me, I rather
enjoyed having both arms in plaster.
Like this, I was...
"Hello. Hello. Hello."
BRYN LAUGHS
Happy days.
£5 he's askin'. For a bit of canvas
on a wooden frame.
That's a bit steep.
You could buy one for that.
I told him to stick it, Pam.
Comin' over here, takin' our jobs.
Where was he from, Poland?
No. Newport.
Mick, give Dor your foldy.
Yeah, all right. Here you go, Doris.
Thanks, Mick.
GAVIN: I'm going to get some drinks.
What's everyone want?
Oh, just get a mixture.
Yeah, just a few cans of pop.
I'll have an Irn-Bru.
What if they ain't got Irn-Bru?
Go somewhere that has.
OK. Anyone else?
I'll have a tea, Gav.
Or a Shandy Bass. Either's fine.
Should we get a little juice
for Neil the Baby?
I mean, I know we've got
some water but...
It's up to you, Gwen.
But I'm not payin' for it.
DORIS: Don't worry. I'll get these.
Is that enough, Gav?
What? Well, it's only a few cans,
but cheers, Dor.
No worries.
Fake it is, Gav, that 20. What?
I'm jokin'! Lighten up, man. Right.
# Da-da, da-daaa
# Da-da, da-daaa... #
Give it a rest!
PAM LAUGHS
< Oh. Mick.
You been workin' out?
Nice frame. Cheers.
I do me best.
I bet you do.
Hey, Pam, I imagine
you're a satisfied customer!
Doris!
I've got no complaints -
put it that way.
BOTH LAUGH
I bet you haven't, you lucky bitch.
Hey, Mister. Let's get this
on you - get you protected.
No, look, Bryn, you're all right.
Pam'll do it. Won't you, Pam?
Leave her be. She's relaxing.
Honestly, Bryn...
Look, it's on my hands.
What can I do?
OK.
Yes, sir. Can I help you?
I'd like some drinks, please,
lots of cans, and a smooch,
a full smooch and a cuddle.
Aw, are you missin' me?
I am actually, yeah.
I'll be down in a bit now.
Hey, guess what I was
thinkin' this mornin'? What?
We should go on holiday. You know,
just get away from it all.
Yeah, maybe. I just think we're a bit
preoccupied with everything...
You know, havin' babies,
not havin' babies...
Maybe we just need to be
on our own for a bit.
But this is nice, just us two.
SMITHY: Gavlar! This is amazing!
There's a fair! Why have
we never been here before?
Ghost train, dodgems... Log flumes.
Log flumes! We gotta go on 'em.
Where's Neil? Where's everyone?
Down on the right, just after the
steps. I'll see you down there.
You want a drink?
Yeah, I'll have an Irn-Bru. OK.
Really, Bryn, that should
be fine now, seriously.
You can never be too careful, Mick!
Skin cancer is on the up,
isn't it, Dor?
Apparently.
Hey, Smithy! Hey up, Smithy!
PAM: Hey!
There he is.
All right, Doris? You beach-bound
diva! Hiya, Smithy, love.
Look at you lot - sunnin'
yourselves, livin' the dream.
All right? Yeah. You?
Yeah, yeah, good. Where's my boy?
Hey! There he is!
Look! It's your daddy!
Hiya! Look at you!
Oh! What do you think of
the beach, then, eh?
Yeah? You like it?
Look what I've got!
Look at that!
You going to help me
build a sandcastle?
Yeah? You want to
build a sandcastle?
Is it all right or does
he need a sleep or anything?
He's fine. Go for it. Yeah?
Here you are, Gwen.
Will you take him a minute?
I'll just get this off.
I can't get it off!
What you doin', wearin' that, anyway?
I thought it'd be a laugh.
But it's not comin' off.
I'm not surprised. How did you
get it on? Isn't it a child's one?
No, it's 12 to 14.
THEY ALL LAUGH
You can't pull it over your tummy.
Pull it over your bum.
All right, Bryn!
No, no. He doesn't want to go.
Maybe you should deflate it.
That's it. Where's the valve?
There isn't a valve.
I can't find a valve.
Smithy, what are you like?
Mate, you're so funny!
I'm getting a bit claustrophobic,
actually.
AIR HISSES
Cheers.
We'll build this sandcastle,
shall we?
Yeah.
Yeah.
Well, this is lovely.
Lovely, lovely.
I can't remember the last time
we spent a bank holiday on a beach.
Well, not in this country, anyway!
Sorry I took so long.
Stacey's rushed off her feet.
It's a shame she's stuck up there
workin' when we're all down here.
She's got a break in a bit. Where's
Bryn? I don't know. Where's he gone?
Bloody hell, Bryn! You look
like Daniel Craig! I know!
It's the shorts!
You're brave, goin' in there.
You look like you've frozen
your bollocks off. Sorry, Gav.
It's all right once you're in there.
It's getting your shoulders
under that's the worst part.
Right, so we've filled it up
with sand, there,
and then we're going to
turn it over...
Ready?
And I'm going to lift this up.
And underneath, there's going to be
be a castle! Oh. Before we do,
I gotta warn you, Neil. Don't
get your hopes up, all right?
Don't have any expectations,
cos it might all crumble before you
and you'll be left with a big pile
of sand before your eyes.
No, that's not going to happen
if we give it the special tap.
You give it a special tap. Of course
you do. Goes without sayin'.
All right, so, I'll give it
a special tap, right?
One, two, three. And then Mummy
gives it the special tap.
And then the three of us,
all together, all three of us
give it a special tap. Ready?
One, two, three...
Look!
Ah!
You all right, mate?
Yeah. Yeah, I'm good.
Go after him. What?
Go and talk to him.
What about? He's all right.
No, he's not.
He's clearly upset about his...
You know, it might
be better comin' from you.
No, I can't talk to him
about man's things.
About...(sperm).
Well, I'm not going to
talk to him about sperm!
(Why?) That's what the
problem is, (sperm!)
Well, I'm his dad,
and I don't want to.
Exactly! He is your sperm!
He's made from your sperm.
Can we please stop sayin'
the word "sperm"?
All right...essence, (whatever!)
It's all right here, isn't it, eh?
Yeah, it's nice.
I wouldn't mind wakin' up
to this every morning.
Yeah.
It'll be all right,
you know, all this.
It will. Cos it's not, like,
out of the question...
You and Stacey to be able to...
But it is, Dad. What?
They've told you something different
now? No, but it's not looking good.
Right. Then, there's still a chance?
A really small chance.
But you're mopin' around
like it's all been decided.
Look at your Uncle. Remember Vinnie?
The one with the...
The internet thing, yeah.
Well, he... He was told
he couldn't have kids.
He's got four, hasn't he?
Exactly! By three different women.
He's not allowed to see them now,
of course. Mm. The point is,
they're not always right,
the doctors. But they might be.
And if they are, then you
look at the alternatives...
Sperm donors, adoption... You don't
just give up on the whole thing.
I just feel like I've
let everyone down, you know?
Like who, for Christ's sake?
You and Mum.
Oh, don't be silly. I do.
I know she's not sayin' anything,
but I saw how upset
she was when I told her.
You and her, you'd make
brilliant grandparents.
Come here!
One thing at a time, yeah?
There's just so many "what ifs", Dad.
Exactly. Nothing is decided.
And I'll tell you what...
however upset you think your mum is,
it's not going to do her image
any good being called "Granny".
She's been 51 for
the past five years!
GAV LAUGHS
MUSIC: "Echo Beach"
by Martha and the Muffins
Hiya. All right?
Gav! I've finished!
Marco's gone home, Nino's come down.
He said I can go!
Gino didn't say anything? He wasn't
bothered! Shall we go the fair?
Yes! I heard that. I'm coming.
Bryn, you want to come?
What, the fair?
Ho-ho, no chance. No way.
Not on your nelly.
Why not? Smithy, no self-respecting
resident of Barry Island
would be seen dead at that fair.
Why? Oh, don't start, Bryn.
Nobody died. You just won't go there
cos of the ghost train.
That's got nothing
to do with it, Gwen.
Trevor left him on there when they
were little. Round and round he was
goin'. Couldn't get out.
SMITHY LAUGHS
Well, I'm going. Me too!
Uncle Bryn can look after the stuff.
I've changed my mind. I'm coming.
GAVIN: Oh! Oh, no!
LAUGHTER
To the fair!
MUSIC: "Pencil Full of Lead"
by Paolo Nutini
# Oh... I got a sheet for my bed
and a pillow for my head
# I got a pencil full of lead
and some water for my throat
# I got buttons for my coat
and sails on my boat
# So much more than I needed before
# I got money in the meter
and a two-bar heater
# Oh, and now it's gettin' hotter
Oh, it's only gettin' sweeter
# I've got legs on my chairs
and a head full of hair
# Pot and a pan
and some shoes on my feet
# I've got a shelf full of books
and most of my teeth
# Oh... I got a sheet for my bed
and a pillow for my head
# I got a pencil full of lead
and some water for my throat
# I got buttons for my coat
and sails on my boat
# So much more than I needed before
# I got money in the meter
and a two-bar heater
# Oh, and now it's gettin' hotter
Oh, it's only gettin' sweeter
# I've got legs on my chairs
and a head full of hair
# Pot and a pan
and some shoes on my feet
# I've got a shelf full of books
and most of my teeth
# Oh... #
It was just a shock, that's all.
I didn't expect to see him there.
Don't start. I didn't know
he was comin', all right?
Well, how do you think I felt,
turnin' up and seeing
you two on the dodgems?
You know I loves the bumper cars.
Oh, don't make it sound like
I was doin' somethin' wrong!
Like wakin' up in bed with someone
you've fathered a child with?
I'd rather get in a dodgem
with you any day!
..Like I'm makin' a fuss of nothin'.
Buying gas was more important...
He's always turnin' up,
being loud and Cockney,
doin' his robots!
I gotta be civil to him. He's the
mother of my... The father of my
child. For God's sake, Ness.
We're getting married in three
weeks. When you going to start
putting me first? Don't be a twat.
Sorry to disturb,
but are you going to stay?
Cos we're having a barbecue, we are.
Well, it depends.
Look, I'm not going to
say nothin', all right?
We're not going to kick off...
No, not you. It depends
what type of barbecue it is.
How d'you mean? Are we talking
burgers and sausage in a long-life
bun, or are you takin' it serious?
I'm not sure what... I'm talkin'
chicken breast, seafood, rib-eye
steaks, spare ribs, lamb kebabs.
What about side orders? Potato salad,
coleslaw. What you going to marinate?
I think we can... You haven't
thought this through.
I know we're getting the meat
from Dic! Dic Powell.
Nawr, Bryn, mae na bopeth asenau,
asenau pork, steacen, steacen a'r
yr asgwrn...
sirloin a llygad yr asen...
dim fillet dwy ddim cael fillet,
breast cyw iar, kebabau
...a cig halal i gyd a sosej.
Ah, now, that's definitely
"sausage".,
"Sosej" I know is "sausage".
That's a given.
I think he also said something about
steaks, prawns and possibly a kebab.
I know that. I can see what
he's got in his box, Bryn.
I'm worried about where it's from.
It looks like it's fallen
off the back of a lorry.
BRYN LAUGHS
No, Mick!
It's not fallen off the back
of a lorry. It's been stolen!
Dic's brother, Ric, works in
a slaughterhouse in Llanelli.
Isn't that right, Dic?
I'm telling Mick about Ric!
Yn union.
Why you shouting at him?
It's the only way
I can get through. Anyway,
Ric helps himself to a few little
bits and bobs, then gives it to Dic.
He then sells them
around the back alleys.
He's been doin' it for years.
It's totally legit.
And the thing is
it's incredible value.
These steaks are 87 pence!
Well, that is good.
87 pence for a steak?
No, not 87 pence each!
87 pence for three!
How's it goin' there, boys?
I love barbecues.
I mean, I just LOVE barbecues.
I know. I mean, this...
This is one of the finest
inventions since...ever.
I can't get enough of 'em. Got a
stack at home, downstairs toilet.
Take them to work with me sometimes.
The other day, in your mum's garden,
fired one up - couple of sausages,
bread, lovely.
When you're done, chuck it.
Very environmentally friendly(!)
Don't start.
But it's not, is it? Right.
OK, well, let's all buy a Prius
and have a shit in the woods.
Well, here's one you'll know.
DORIS STRUMS GUITAR
# And if a double-decker bus
# Crashes into us
# To die by your side
# Is such a heavenly way to die
# And if a ten-ton truck
# Kills the both of us
# To die by your side
# Well, the pleasure,
the privilege is mine
BOTH: # Oh, there is a light
and it never goes out
IMITATING MORRISSEY:
# There is a light
and it never goes out
# There is a light
and it never goes out... #
LAUGHTER
Is he all right?
He's out for the count. I'll keep
an eye on him. Don't worry.
Right, everyone, I think
these prawns are ready to roll!
Doris, you stay there. I'll get
yours. Aye, go on, then.
Bit of everything? Yeah. What
doesn't get eaten, stick in the bin.
Are you warm enough? Cos I can go
get a blanket. No, I'm fine, love.
Hey, I'll tell you what we need -
one of those outdoor heaters.
Have you seen those, Mick?
Yeah, I have. They are phenomenal!
They keep you warm
when you're outdoors!
Pete and Dawn have got one.
Yeah, table-top one.
Pete sticks it on
when he sleeps in the shed.
LAUGHTER
I'll tell you where there's a good
one - that O'Neill's in Loughton.
But if you're right under it...
It's too warm. Makes you sweat.
Deano was under it all night.
He was outside, chainin' it,
he actually got burnt
on the back of his neck. Sunburn.
Had to put aftersun on. Aloe vera.
SMITHY AND MICK: 'Ello, Vera!
PHONE BEEPS
I worry about that boy, you know.
We all do, Mick. But I tell
you, that is the one, only,
singular good thing to come
out of the smoking ban...
the advancement in outdoor heating.
This is all very mysterious,
isn't it? Texting me?
I know. I just haven't
seen you today. Not properly.
I fancied a little cwtch.
I had a good chat with Dad today.
Did you? What'd he say? Oh, you
know, just telling me not to worry.
Saying it'll be all right and that.
Well, he's right, isn't he?
I think what we should do is,
we should set a date.
Say, the end of the year,
and not do anything till then.
How do you mean?
Well, we'll keep tryin'.
And if nothing's happened by then,
then we'll just have to
accept it ain't going to.
And start lookin' into
adoption and things? Yeah.
OK.
It's ever so sad, isn't it?
Yeah.
Oh, my God.
Dave's talking to Smithy.
I just wanted to clear the air
about it, that's all.
Yeah, whatever. It's fine.
Just leave it now, OK?
You've said your piece.
Let the man eat his food in peace.
I'm just sayin', that's all.
And I'm sayin' it's fine.
Everythin' all right? Fine.
Cos we're getting married...
In three weeks. You said.
And I know that what happened
meant nothing to her or to you...
BOTH: If anything did happen...
Let's just draw a line under
the whole thing and move on.
Shall we?
Yeah. Can I eat my sausage now?
No hard feelings, yeah?
Well... I can't believe it.
In three weeks, you're going to
be married, eh, Ness? I know.
I love a wedding, me. Me too!
I know. It's really lush.
And you should see Nessa's dress.
It's absolutely mesmerising.
Don't tell me any details now.
Don't want to jinx it.
And Jason's coming over, Pam. I can't
wait to see him. Oh, little gay Jase!
Is he still all right to stay
with you, Bryn? Yes, all sorted.
The sofa's got his name on it.
Everything OK, now, is it, then,
with you and him and all
that fishin' trip nonsense?
A toast!
To the happy couple.
Nessa and David.
Nessa and Dave!
ALL: Nessa and David!
# Tell me tomorrow
I'll wait by the window for you
# I'll wait by your big house for you
# I'll wait by the squeeze-box
for you. #
Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd
Stacey said you've been trying,
but HAVE you been trying? What?!
That's what I wondered!
It's quality.
BOTH: Not quantity.
Oh! Don't talk to her
like I'm not here.
This is our son. Mine and hers.
We're getting married on June 13th.
It'll all change then. Will it?
I hope it works out, given me
and her woke up in bed last time
she came up here without you.
What?!
I'm afraid there IS a problem.
It's you, Gavin.
You've got a low sperm count.
It will be OK, Gav.
PHONE RINGS
Hiya!
Are you still asleep?
'No.'
How come?
Well, I'm up. I've been the shop,
got a paper, some milk.
It's a lush day, innit?
I know. It's bakin'.
And there's the Elvis convention.
The island's going to be packed.
What you up to today, then?
Dunno - might pop down
and see you later.
Aw, that'll be nice.
Make sure you text before you come
though, so I can take my break.
Hang on a minute. I think my parents
just pulled up outside the house.
What, your parents?
Your mum and dad? Pam and Mick?
'Yeah!'
Oh, my God. Maybe your nan's died.
Right. Which one?
Cos they're both dead.
Are they? And mine are.
Aw. There's lush.
I'll call you back.
Yoo-hoo! Surprise!
What you doin' here?
Oh, that's a nice welcome(!)
Hiya, mate. Hiya.
No, it's just... Well, it's
just a surprise, that's all.
That's cos we wanted
to surprise you!
Needless to say,
this was your mother's idea.
It wasn't actually.
It was Dawn and Pete's.
They saw the weather
last night on Sky and said,
"It's going to be nice in Wales
tomorrow, by all accounts.
"Let's spend the day
on Barry Beach."
Are they following you? No.
They had a row, 3am this morning.
They're not speakin'.
Dawn threw him out.
He slept in the shed. Why?
The ring. That bloody ring.
Mick? Pam? Gav? I'm up here!
Hiya! Hello!
There I was, having a bath,
when the phone goes. It's Glenda.
She says Gav's mum and dad
have pulled up outside Gwen's.
I said, "Don't be daft, Glenda."
But, lo and behold, she was right!
And there you are.
Here we are! Here we are.
Wait there, I'll get dressed.
I'm naked.
< Well, that's a fiver I owe Glenda!
Hiya, Doris.
All right, Dor?
She just emailed me
and said it was you, and I said,
"I'll bet you five quid it isn't."
And here you are!
She's made a twat of me, Pam.
I'll tell you something else.
Gwen's in for a shock.
Glenda just text me!
She said you were here!
Well, what a shock.
I know! It's a surprise!
We fancied a day on the beach.
Oh, that's the ticket.
That sounds lovely. Can we join you?
Gwen, we would love it.
We've got everything in the back -
windbreaks, Lilos, surfboards...
It's a bodyboard.
Are you comin', Doris?
I haven't been down
the island for years.
Well, all the more reason.
Well, why not!
Doughnut, a bag of chips,
I'm your girl. I'll have
to dig out my bikini.
PAM LAUGHS
Jokin' I am, Gav.
A one-piece it is.
PAM LAUGHS
Oh! Sorry about that.
You were quick.
Oh, I'm only halfway through, Pam.
I've not even talcumed yet.
Now, I hear we're
going down the beach.
How'd you hear that?
Glenda. On Twitter.
She said she's seen
Gav's mum and dad
talking to Gwen about
going down the beach.
You're coming, aren't you?
I should cocoa!
But I'm thinkin' about
little baby Neil the Baby.
He'd love it down there. He would!
But what's the latest
with Nessa and Dave?
We don't really know.
We've not heard a peep.
Let me exfoliate. I'll pop down
the van, see how the land lies.
GWEN: Well, come on in.
So... this is O...bama.
All right?
O...bama.
Not to be confused with...
O...sama.
Ah!
O...bama.
O...sama.
Very different people
with very different ideas.
You fancy a rusk?
Me too.
All right?
Yeah. I gotta get a new gas.
We'll come with you, if you like.
No, you're all right.
Where to you goin'?
I dunno. Rylands? Lawsons?
They open bank holidays?
Shit. Yeah, probably not.
Well, we should last
till tomorrow, shouldn't we?
You talkin' about the Calor Gas
or our relationship?
Aw, Dave, man, come on!
Why you being like this?
Why am I being like this?
You gotta to let it go.
Why you sleepin' with another man?
I told you, I didn't sleep with him.
Not like that.
Positive, are you? No, I'm not, if
truth be told. But what can I do?
I bought you that Aston Villa strip.
I know, and I loves it.
You know I does.
I can't bear it, Ness,
thinkin' of you and him together,
doin' things...
You know, doin' stuff that we do,
the things that we do...
Look, I know we didn't do
any of that stuff, OK?
But how do you know?
Cos I didn't have my bag.
My tools. My cloak.
Anyway, he couldn't
take that level of...
KNOCK AT DOOR
Nessa? Dave? Neil?
It's Bryn.
We're in here, Bryn.
DOOR OPENS
Hello, you three!
Whew! Hot in here.
That better for you, Bryn?
Yes. Thank you.
Now, here's the thing.
Pam and Mick...Shipman
have just turned up on the doorstep,
out of the blue,
and we've all decided
to go the beach.
Will you join us?
Will Smithy be there?
Oh!
No. As far as I know,
his name's not been mentioned.
I know things between the two of you
are not exactly...well, peachy.
Look, you do what you like.
I gotta find me some gas.
We're nearly empty, aren't we, Ness?
Catch you later, Bryn.
Good...God!
The tension in here, Ness,
it's unbearable!
Is this what it's been like?
Yeah, for weeks.
Well, I don't want to know
the details - the ins, the outs...
That's the problem, Bryn.
I can't remember if there were any.
MUSIC: "Colourful Life"
by Cajun Dance Party
# I'd love to go to a brand new place
but recognise the sky
# A brand new motion
yet same old people... #
Hiya!
Hiya.
Aw!
You look so lush.
What you mean? Just watchin' you
then, from the kiosk, smilin'.
It's been so long since I seen
you proper smilin'. Oh, that's nice.
Hiya, Stace!
We're on the island.
Can you believe it?
First time!
I know. What d'you think?
I like it - a beautiful beach!
Well, it's nice.
But I suppose that's
cos the sun's shining.
I mean, I expect if it was raining
or just a bit overcast,
it would be quite a bleak
and depressing place.
A bit like Billericay, really.
Hiya, love. You going to
come down on your break?
Definitely. Where? Down by
the left or the right?
Probably the middle.
Yeah, it's nice there.
See you later.
DORIS: See you down there, love.
See you later.
All right, Ness?
Hiya. Where's Dave?
What's occurrin'?
Stace, we're not
mentioning Dave today.
Today is a David-free zone.
Is it still bad?
The atmosphere in that caravan
is what I can only describe as...
Well, I can't describe it.
So, Dave's not comin' then?
Oh, Gav, what happened
to this Dave-free zone?
< Oh, Stace!
Sorry, Marco!
Come on! I got seven Elvises here,
all gasping for a cappuccino.
Right. I'll see you later. See ya.
PHONE RINGS
All right, mate?
Gavelarindini!
Guess where I am?
Where? Guess.
Where? 'No, guess.'
Where?
Guess. Upton Park.
Wrong! I'm in my car.
Oh, yeah. Where you goin'? Guess.
Just tell me where you are!
OK, I've just crossed a big bridge.
I paid £5.40 for the privilege.
I'm currently coming off the M4,
onto the A48, heading westbound,
straight towards
the Isle of Barreee...
You're comin' here!
..where I know for a fact my best
friend's wife's at work all day,
leaving him, AKA you,
sat at home, watching YouPorn,
playing with what can only be
described, after recent revelations,
as his empty, useless gonads.
Smithy! You gotta laugh at
it. Gotta laugh adversity
right in the face.
I don't. That's really horrible!
'Whoa!'
What about when Gary and Simon's
uncle had his testicle removed
and he came in the Crown
after his operation?
I don't remember you
holding back. What was it?
I don't know. What was
the song that YOU made up?
The One-ball Of Wimbledon.
# Underground, overground
BOTH: # Wombling free
# The one-ball
of Wimbledon Common are we. #
I'll give you that. The irony
is he's moved to Wimbledon.
You're on your way here?
We're going to go to the beach.
I want to be the first person
to take my son
and walk him on the sand.
The only problem is he's
already on the beach. We all are.
Mum and Dad, everyone.
It was a bit impromptu.
What? Is Dave there?
No, hang on.
Bryn, is Dave comin'?
We don't know. He's gone to get gas.
He's gone to get gas.
Oh, well in that case,
look, I'm not going to bother.
I...I'll just turn around.
'It's probably for the best.'
Yeah, probably.
No! Why's it for the best?
I'm tryin' to see my son!
Stop tryin' to stop me.
I'm not! Don't then!
I'll see you in a bit! Goodbye!
See ya.
This is a beautiful beach!
I'm glad you said that, Mick,
because we're very proud of our
beaches in Barry. Aren't we, Gwen?
Oh, yes. I prefer it
to Porthcawl. Now, now.
The thing is, Mick, I've got a
lot of happy memories of this beach.
Some of the best times
of my childhood.
We used to come over
for the day from Swansea.
And see those rocks over there?
Yeah.
Well, I'll never forget Trevor,
my brother, God rest his soul,
and his friend, Ian Dixon - Dixie
they called him, I don't know why -
I'll never forget them
dangling me over the edge there,
one summer holidays,
by my ankles, swinging me
back and forth, back and forth!
Oh, they were laughing away.
And if I hadn't held my hands out,
my face would've been
bashing against those rocks...
Bryn, that's terrible!
No, it was just tomfoolery, Pam!
Really? Yes.
The folly of youth.
And between you and me, I rather
enjoyed having both arms in plaster.
Like this, I was...
"Hello. Hello. Hello."
BRYN LAUGHS
Happy days.
£5 he's askin'. For a bit of canvas
on a wooden frame.
That's a bit steep.
You could buy one for that.
I told him to stick it, Pam.
Comin' over here, takin' our jobs.
Where was he from, Poland?
No. Newport.
Mick, give Dor your foldy.
Yeah, all right. Here you go, Doris.
Thanks, Mick.
GAVIN: I'm going to get some drinks.
What's everyone want?
Oh, just get a mixture.
Yeah, just a few cans of pop.
I'll have an Irn-Bru.
What if they ain't got Irn-Bru?
Go somewhere that has.
OK. Anyone else?
I'll have a tea, Gav.
Or a Shandy Bass. Either's fine.
Should we get a little juice
for Neil the Baby?
I mean, I know we've got
some water but...
It's up to you, Gwen.
But I'm not payin' for it.
DORIS: Don't worry. I'll get these.
Is that enough, Gav?
What? Well, it's only a few cans,
but cheers, Dor.
No worries.
Fake it is, Gav, that 20. What?
I'm jokin'! Lighten up, man. Right.
# Da-da, da-daaa
# Da-da, da-daaa... #
Give it a rest!
PAM LAUGHS
< Oh. Mick.
You been workin' out?
Nice frame. Cheers.
I do me best.
I bet you do.
Hey, Pam, I imagine
you're a satisfied customer!
Doris!
I've got no complaints -
put it that way.
BOTH LAUGH
I bet you haven't, you lucky bitch.
Hey, Mister. Let's get this
on you - get you protected.
No, look, Bryn, you're all right.
Pam'll do it. Won't you, Pam?
Leave her be. She's relaxing.
Honestly, Bryn...
Look, it's on my hands.
What can I do?
OK.
Yes, sir. Can I help you?
I'd like some drinks, please,
lots of cans, and a smooch,
a full smooch and a cuddle.
Aw, are you missin' me?
I am actually, yeah.
I'll be down in a bit now.
Hey, guess what I was
thinkin' this mornin'? What?
We should go on holiday. You know,
just get away from it all.
Yeah, maybe. I just think we're a bit
preoccupied with everything...
You know, havin' babies,
not havin' babies...
Maybe we just need to be
on our own for a bit.
But this is nice, just us two.
SMITHY: Gavlar! This is amazing!
There's a fair! Why have
we never been here before?
Ghost train, dodgems... Log flumes.
Log flumes! We gotta go on 'em.
Where's Neil? Where's everyone?
Down on the right, just after the
steps. I'll see you down there.
You want a drink?
Yeah, I'll have an Irn-Bru. OK.
Really, Bryn, that should
be fine now, seriously.
You can never be too careful, Mick!
Skin cancer is on the up,
isn't it, Dor?
Apparently.
Hey, Smithy! Hey up, Smithy!
PAM: Hey!
There he is.
All right, Doris? You beach-bound
diva! Hiya, Smithy, love.
Look at you lot - sunnin'
yourselves, livin' the dream.
All right? Yeah. You?
Yeah, yeah, good. Where's my boy?
Hey! There he is!
Look! It's your daddy!
Hiya! Look at you!
Oh! What do you think of
the beach, then, eh?
Yeah? You like it?
Look what I've got!
Look at that!
You going to help me
build a sandcastle?
Yeah? You want to
build a sandcastle?
Is it all right or does
he need a sleep or anything?
He's fine. Go for it. Yeah?
Here you are, Gwen.
Will you take him a minute?
I'll just get this off.
I can't get it off!
What you doin', wearin' that, anyway?
I thought it'd be a laugh.
But it's not comin' off.
I'm not surprised. How did you
get it on? Isn't it a child's one?
No, it's 12 to 14.
THEY ALL LAUGH
You can't pull it over your tummy.
Pull it over your bum.
All right, Bryn!
No, no. He doesn't want to go.
Maybe you should deflate it.
That's it. Where's the valve?
There isn't a valve.
I can't find a valve.
Smithy, what are you like?
Mate, you're so funny!
I'm getting a bit claustrophobic,
actually.
AIR HISSES
Cheers.
We'll build this sandcastle,
shall we?
Yeah.
Yeah.
Well, this is lovely.
Lovely, lovely.
I can't remember the last time
we spent a bank holiday on a beach.
Well, not in this country, anyway!
Sorry I took so long.
Stacey's rushed off her feet.
It's a shame she's stuck up there
workin' when we're all down here.
She's got a break in a bit. Where's
Bryn? I don't know. Where's he gone?
Bloody hell, Bryn! You look
like Daniel Craig! I know!
It's the shorts!
You're brave, goin' in there.
You look like you've frozen
your bollocks off. Sorry, Gav.
It's all right once you're in there.
It's getting your shoulders
under that's the worst part.
Right, so we've filled it up
with sand, there,
and then we're going to
turn it over...
Ready?
And I'm going to lift this up.
And underneath, there's going to be
be a castle! Oh. Before we do,
I gotta warn you, Neil. Don't
get your hopes up, all right?
Don't have any expectations,
cos it might all crumble before you
and you'll be left with a big pile
of sand before your eyes.
No, that's not going to happen
if we give it the special tap.
You give it a special tap. Of course
you do. Goes without sayin'.
All right, so, I'll give it
a special tap, right?
One, two, three. And then Mummy
gives it the special tap.
And then the three of us,
all together, all three of us
give it a special tap. Ready?
One, two, three...
Look!
Ah!
You all right, mate?
Yeah. Yeah, I'm good.
Go after him. What?
Go and talk to him.
What about? He's all right.
No, he's not.
He's clearly upset about his...
You know, it might
be better comin' from you.
No, I can't talk to him
about man's things.
About...(sperm).
Well, I'm not going to
talk to him about sperm!
(Why?) That's what the
problem is, (sperm!)
Well, I'm his dad,
and I don't want to.
Exactly! He is your sperm!
He's made from your sperm.
Can we please stop sayin'
the word "sperm"?
All right...essence, (whatever!)
It's all right here, isn't it, eh?
Yeah, it's nice.
I wouldn't mind wakin' up
to this every morning.
Yeah.
It'll be all right,
you know, all this.
It will. Cos it's not, like,
out of the question...
You and Stacey to be able to...
But it is, Dad. What?
They've told you something different
now? No, but it's not looking good.
Right. Then, there's still a chance?
A really small chance.
But you're mopin' around
like it's all been decided.
Look at your Uncle. Remember Vinnie?
The one with the...
The internet thing, yeah.
Well, he... He was told
he couldn't have kids.
He's got four, hasn't he?
Exactly! By three different women.
He's not allowed to see them now,
of course. Mm. The point is,
they're not always right,
the doctors. But they might be.
And if they are, then you
look at the alternatives...
Sperm donors, adoption... You don't
just give up on the whole thing.
I just feel like I've
let everyone down, you know?
Like who, for Christ's sake?
You and Mum.
Oh, don't be silly. I do.
I know she's not sayin' anything,
but I saw how upset
she was when I told her.
You and her, you'd make
brilliant grandparents.
Come here!
One thing at a time, yeah?
There's just so many "what ifs", Dad.
Exactly. Nothing is decided.
And I'll tell you what...
however upset you think your mum is,
it's not going to do her image
any good being called "Granny".
She's been 51 for
the past five years!
GAV LAUGHS
MUSIC: "Echo Beach"
by Martha and the Muffins
Hiya. All right?
Gav! I've finished!
Marco's gone home, Nino's come down.
He said I can go!
Gino didn't say anything? He wasn't
bothered! Shall we go the fair?
Yes! I heard that. I'm coming.
Bryn, you want to come?
What, the fair?
Ho-ho, no chance. No way.
Not on your nelly.
Why not? Smithy, no self-respecting
resident of Barry Island
would be seen dead at that fair.
Why? Oh, don't start, Bryn.
Nobody died. You just won't go there
cos of the ghost train.
That's got nothing
to do with it, Gwen.
Trevor left him on there when they
were little. Round and round he was
goin'. Couldn't get out.
SMITHY LAUGHS
Well, I'm going. Me too!
Uncle Bryn can look after the stuff.
I've changed my mind. I'm coming.
GAVIN: Oh! Oh, no!
LAUGHTER
To the fair!
MUSIC: "Pencil Full of Lead"
by Paolo Nutini
# Oh... I got a sheet for my bed
and a pillow for my head
# I got a pencil full of lead
and some water for my throat
# I got buttons for my coat
and sails on my boat
# So much more than I needed before
# I got money in the meter
and a two-bar heater
# Oh, and now it's gettin' hotter
Oh, it's only gettin' sweeter
# I've got legs on my chairs
and a head full of hair
# Pot and a pan
and some shoes on my feet
# I've got a shelf full of books
and most of my teeth
# Oh... I got a sheet for my bed
and a pillow for my head
# I got a pencil full of lead
and some water for my throat
# I got buttons for my coat
and sails on my boat
# So much more than I needed before
# I got money in the meter
and a two-bar heater
# Oh, and now it's gettin' hotter
Oh, it's only gettin' sweeter
# I've got legs on my chairs
and a head full of hair
# Pot and a pan
and some shoes on my feet
# I've got a shelf full of books
and most of my teeth
# Oh... #
It was just a shock, that's all.
I didn't expect to see him there.
Don't start. I didn't know
he was comin', all right?
Well, how do you think I felt,
turnin' up and seeing
you two on the dodgems?
You know I loves the bumper cars.
Oh, don't make it sound like
I was doin' somethin' wrong!
Like wakin' up in bed with someone
you've fathered a child with?
I'd rather get in a dodgem
with you any day!
..Like I'm makin' a fuss of nothin'.
Buying gas was more important...
He's always turnin' up,
being loud and Cockney,
doin' his robots!
I gotta be civil to him. He's the
mother of my... The father of my
child. For God's sake, Ness.
We're getting married in three
weeks. When you going to start
putting me first? Don't be a twat.
Sorry to disturb,
but are you going to stay?
Cos we're having a barbecue, we are.
Well, it depends.
Look, I'm not going to
say nothin', all right?
We're not going to kick off...
No, not you. It depends
what type of barbecue it is.
How d'you mean? Are we talking
burgers and sausage in a long-life
bun, or are you takin' it serious?
I'm not sure what... I'm talkin'
chicken breast, seafood, rib-eye
steaks, spare ribs, lamb kebabs.
What about side orders? Potato salad,
coleslaw. What you going to marinate?
I think we can... You haven't
thought this through.
I know we're getting the meat
from Dic! Dic Powell.
Nawr, Bryn, mae na bopeth asenau,
asenau pork, steacen, steacen a'r
yr asgwrn...
sirloin a llygad yr asen...
dim fillet dwy ddim cael fillet,
breast cyw iar, kebabau
...a cig halal i gyd a sosej.
Ah, now, that's definitely
"sausage".,
"Sosej" I know is "sausage".
That's a given.
I think he also said something about
steaks, prawns and possibly a kebab.
I know that. I can see what
he's got in his box, Bryn.
I'm worried about where it's from.
It looks like it's fallen
off the back of a lorry.
BRYN LAUGHS
No, Mick!
It's not fallen off the back
of a lorry. It's been stolen!
Dic's brother, Ric, works in
a slaughterhouse in Llanelli.
Isn't that right, Dic?
I'm telling Mick about Ric!
Yn union.
Why you shouting at him?
It's the only way
I can get through. Anyway,
Ric helps himself to a few little
bits and bobs, then gives it to Dic.
He then sells them
around the back alleys.
He's been doin' it for years.
It's totally legit.
And the thing is
it's incredible value.
These steaks are 87 pence!
Well, that is good.
87 pence for a steak?
No, not 87 pence each!
87 pence for three!
How's it goin' there, boys?
I love barbecues.
I mean, I just LOVE barbecues.
I know. I mean, this...
This is one of the finest
inventions since...ever.
I can't get enough of 'em. Got a
stack at home, downstairs toilet.
Take them to work with me sometimes.
The other day, in your mum's garden,
fired one up - couple of sausages,
bread, lovely.
When you're done, chuck it.
Very environmentally friendly(!)
Don't start.
But it's not, is it? Right.
OK, well, let's all buy a Prius
and have a shit in the woods.
Well, here's one you'll know.
DORIS STRUMS GUITAR
# And if a double-decker bus
# Crashes into us
# To die by your side
# Is such a heavenly way to die
# And if a ten-ton truck
# Kills the both of us
# To die by your side
# Well, the pleasure,
the privilege is mine
BOTH: # Oh, there is a light
and it never goes out
IMITATING MORRISSEY:
# There is a light
and it never goes out
# There is a light
and it never goes out... #
LAUGHTER
Is he all right?
He's out for the count. I'll keep
an eye on him. Don't worry.
Right, everyone, I think
these prawns are ready to roll!
Doris, you stay there. I'll get
yours. Aye, go on, then.
Bit of everything? Yeah. What
doesn't get eaten, stick in the bin.
Are you warm enough? Cos I can go
get a blanket. No, I'm fine, love.
Hey, I'll tell you what we need -
one of those outdoor heaters.
Have you seen those, Mick?
Yeah, I have. They are phenomenal!
They keep you warm
when you're outdoors!
Pete and Dawn have got one.
Yeah, table-top one.
Pete sticks it on
when he sleeps in the shed.
LAUGHTER
I'll tell you where there's a good
one - that O'Neill's in Loughton.
But if you're right under it...
It's too warm. Makes you sweat.
Deano was under it all night.
He was outside, chainin' it,
he actually got burnt
on the back of his neck. Sunburn.
Had to put aftersun on. Aloe vera.
SMITHY AND MICK: 'Ello, Vera!
PHONE BEEPS
I worry about that boy, you know.
We all do, Mick. But I tell
you, that is the one, only,
singular good thing to come
out of the smoking ban...
the advancement in outdoor heating.
This is all very mysterious,
isn't it? Texting me?
I know. I just haven't
seen you today. Not properly.
I fancied a little cwtch.
I had a good chat with Dad today.
Did you? What'd he say? Oh, you
know, just telling me not to worry.
Saying it'll be all right and that.
Well, he's right, isn't he?
I think what we should do is,
we should set a date.
Say, the end of the year,
and not do anything till then.
How do you mean?
Well, we'll keep tryin'.
And if nothing's happened by then,
then we'll just have to
accept it ain't going to.
And start lookin' into
adoption and things? Yeah.
OK.
It's ever so sad, isn't it?
Yeah.
Oh, my God.
Dave's talking to Smithy.
I just wanted to clear the air
about it, that's all.
Yeah, whatever. It's fine.
Just leave it now, OK?
You've said your piece.
Let the man eat his food in peace.
I'm just sayin', that's all.
And I'm sayin' it's fine.
Everythin' all right? Fine.
Cos we're getting married...
In three weeks. You said.
And I know that what happened
meant nothing to her or to you...
BOTH: If anything did happen...
Let's just draw a line under
the whole thing and move on.
Shall we?
Yeah. Can I eat my sausage now?
No hard feelings, yeah?
Well... I can't believe it.
In three weeks, you're going to
be married, eh, Ness? I know.
I love a wedding, me. Me too!
I know. It's really lush.
And you should see Nessa's dress.
It's absolutely mesmerising.
Don't tell me any details now.
Don't want to jinx it.
And Jason's coming over, Pam. I can't
wait to see him. Oh, little gay Jase!
Is he still all right to stay
with you, Bryn? Yes, all sorted.
The sofa's got his name on it.
Everything OK, now, is it, then,
with you and him and all
that fishin' trip nonsense?
A toast!
To the happy couple.
Nessa and David.
Nessa and Dave!
ALL: Nessa and David!
# Tell me tomorrow
I'll wait by the window for you
# I'll wait by your big house for you
# I'll wait by the squeeze-box
for you. #
Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd