Gakkô no kaidan (2000–2001): Season 1, Episode 9 - The Corpse that Roams in the Night - Shirotabi - full transcript

(rain pattering)

(suspenseful music)

(storm raging)

(lightning crashing)

(suspenseful music)

(lightning crashing)

(eerie tense music)

(singing in Japanese)

(eerie tense music)

(whimsical upbeat music)

- Mio mi.



Is she that fat girl?

Or the slut?

(whimsical upbeat music)

- [Hajime] Come on, you
know, she's that freak

who always sits in the corner
of the classroom by herself.

You'd know her if you say her.

- Oh, her.

Oh.

You.

- Five years running,

the president of the Happy Paws
Feather and Tails pet club.

- The Animal Planet freak.

- Mr. Sakata says he's
gonna hold elections

for the president of the club this week.



There was a little bit of a problem

with the electoral college last year

but once again, Mio was
elected to the post.

She greases more palms than you know who.

- We need more weirdos
like her in this school.

She's like a Mexican doing all the jobs

white people don't want.

- [Leo] She has no friends,

but I think she's kinda hot.

- [Satsuki] Why don't the
three of you get a room?

- [Hajime] Uh?

Yeah.

- Will you talk to me?

- Oh, hey there, Mio.

Didn't see you.

And I was this close.

So what's that?

Are you still playing with dolls?

- No.

Well, yeah kinda.

- That's so sweet.

In a you scare the crap
out of me Emily Rose

kind of way.

Oh look.

Huh.

No wonder you're sitting here all alone.

Well, good talking to you.

Gotta go.

What?

- Here, you can take pooki poo.

He used to be my man but we broke up.

- Great, please don't hurt me.

Wow, look at the time.

Pooki and I gotta go.

- The V on my sweater
stands for very big deal

but that's besides the point.

Now, any nomination--

- Hi!

Hi, hi, hi, hi, hi, hi, hi, hi!

- Are you trying to
tell me you want to run?

- Hell no, I don't want to run.

I'd like to nominate Satsuki Miyanoshita.

- Say what?

I don't want to go into politics.

- She can't!

She can't, I mean, the animals
really want me to do it.

(chuckles nervously)

I mean, candidates take priority, right?

- Mio's right, candidates do take priority

and frankly, everyone who
disagrees with Mio dies.

So I nominate her.

- She's been the animal caretaker

longer than I've been
spanking my own monkey

but if Satsuki's afraid of doing it,

then fine, elect the incumbent.

- I can Jane Goodall as good as she can.

- I said she can't!

I mean, she could get rabies or ticks.

- What?

(chuckling nervously)

Sorry, forgot who I was dealing with here.

Jobs all yours.

- Well, let's hold on a minute.

I forget to mention.

We've got more bunnies.

There's no way Mio will be able

to do the job herself.

So, for the first time
in our school's history,

we're going to have two,
young sweet animal caretakers.

I mean girls.

(chuckling nervously)

- [Boy] I didn't approve that.

- [Satsuki] What the hell?

Is that the time?

Keiichirou, you're gonna
have to Poptart it today.

- But there's a hole in my gym shirt

and there's a really weird
sticky stain in my shorts.

- God, you're making me sick!

- I didn't do it on purpose.

- I wish Mom was still alive.

Then she'd deal with this crap.

(grunting)

I'm so late.

She's probably up to her
eyes in rabbit crap by now.

Huh?

- [Satsuki Voiceover] God, she's so weird.

(eerie tense music)

Freak!

- I don't want to go in there.

Probably full of fleas or crabs
or chlamydia or something.

(shouting)

Fluffy, come back.

(grunting)

Stupid rabbit.

- Come on, jump.

I said jump!

- Holy crap.

- All the little animals really like me.

They all tell me so.

And I'm really sorry I was late.

I feel bad you got here first.

- [Satsuki Voiceover] But
she got here before me.

Oh my god.

(Satsuki screaming internally)

(eerie music)

(upbeat music)

- Ew!

He's too young to be having wet dreams.

- Hey.

(shouting)

- Don't do that.

What are you doing here?

Oh wait, you're feeling guilty

about putting me with
little Miss Watership Down.

- Keiichirou told me was
sick of eating Poptarts,

that you were too busy
to fix him breakfast.

I thought I might help you out a little.

- You'll help out a little?

Do you know how much rabbits crap

in a 24 hour period?

- I said I was sorry.

Damn it woman, what do you want from me?

My lunch money?

- It's a start.

- Hey, you remember a couple episodes ago

you promised me some panties

if we went in that house?

Well, I'm still waiting for them

and I'm not getting any younger.

(grunting)

Hey, watch where you're going.

- Hush.

- She's weird but I'd still do her.

What's she doing?

- She did that yesterday.

Do we want to know?

- Maybe she's paying her respects

at the animal cemetery.

- The animal cemetery?

- Yes, the animal cemetery.

Hear the plot point bells going off?

- Of course.

Hope Stephen King never sees this.

(eerie tense music)

- [Sakata] So, what do you think?

Cute, huh.

Bend over and look at that one.

Hold still.

- One pill makes you larger.

- Let's see Hadley's cow club beat us now.

- And one pill makes you small.

And the ones that mother gives you.

- We didn't laugh the first time,

we're not laughing now.

- [Hajime] Not a Heart fan.

- [Sakata] Isn't he gay?

Oh no, that's the guy in Styx.

(wolf howling)
(eerie music)

(roaring)

(birds chirping)

- One, two, three.

Stop moving, you little bastards.

One, two, three.

- Four comes after three.

- The laws of arithmetic didn't change

over night, did they?

- What happened, warden,
did one get away again?

- I wish.

I knew we got more but somethings wrong.

- What are you talking about?

Didn't you go to Petco and get
those little bunny rubbers?

One, two, three, four,

five, six, seven.

Seven?

- See?

- I see.

The screwing like bunnies thing is true.

- Yeah.
- Hold on.

I flunked math.

One, two, three, four, five, six...

Shirotabi?

- Huh?

(grunting nervously)

(eerie music)

- It looks just like him, that's weird.

- So you're telling me
that Shirotabi died?

- God gave mankind
dominion over the animals

and they all look alike, anyway.

- Maybe, maybe you just
didn't close the gate

to the cage good enough.

- I locked their cell.

I've seen Oz.

- Oh, I used to love that show.

All those sweaty tattooed men

locked together in cells with guards

holding big clubs.

Did I say that out loud?

I mean, hey what a cute little pink bear

you got there.

- Oh that?

Mio made it and gave it to me.

I couldn't say no to her.

You never know what that freak would do.

(eerie violin music)

- [Satsuki Voiceover] Violins, oh no.

- [Satsuki As Kayako]
Dad, no reading the paper

at the dinner table.

(clearing throat)

- [Satsuki] Excuse me.

- Wow, you sounded so much
like your mom just now.

Say, Satsuki, Barney
Frank Elementary School

is a school that's very near where you

and your brother go, isn't it?

- Isn't that the special
school we were going

to send Keiichirou to?

- USA Today has an easy to read

color graphic showing how many

of their rabbits were killed last night.

Check it out.

- Wow, how gruesome.

And rabbits killed at
Condaleeza Rice Elementary, too.

Jesus.

- I hope Jocelyn Elders
Elementary's rabbits are okay.

- Instead of losing some,

ours are rapidly multiplying.

- Multiplying?

- Oh rabbit crap, I'm late.

Gotta go.

Hey, maybe we should arm the
rabbits with little guns.

- Sometimes, I wish all people
could marry the animals.

- Huh?

Me?

(shushing)

- Don't you?

- Yeah, if Siegfried and Roy can do it,

why can't everybody?

- I know, right?

- Well, I'm just gonna
drop off the droppings.

BRB.

- Now, where were we?

- What do you want?

- Over here, this way.

I met BJ Bridget in the woods

for our Wednesday usual

and I found something
even more interesting

in the animal graveyard.

- You're a rabbit necrophiliac?

- Look.

(gasping)

(eerie tense music)

Ever see The Serpent and the Rainbow?

- Wait, don't tell me the
rabbit came back to life.

- I don't know.

What's that?

- A Nick Nolte voodoo doll.

(eerie tense music)

(roaring)

(roaring)

Oh my god.

- This is disgusting.

- It's like rabbit Jonestown.

(screaming)

Shirotabi.

All dead but you, it's a miracle.

- That's not Shirotabi.

Shirotabi's dead.

- What?

Don't listen to him.

He's just jealous.

- The sheds been destroyed
and your favorite rabbit

is the only survivor.

- So what?

- The entire shack is blown to bits.

I'm smelling a rat or
a fox in the henhouse

or something...

- [Satsuki] This isn't my fault.

I better still get an A.

(gasping)

- Blood.

- What?
- Blood!

Don't look.

- Aunt Flow's timing is terrible.

- I'll just clean up the blood.

I mean carnage here.

(eerie music)

(booming footsteps)

(screaming)

- That was the best Asian
massage parlor ever.

They gave me a little parting gift.

Such nice girls.

(screaming)

- They say the people were attacked

by some strange creature.

(eerie tense music)

- Found it.

If you chant the spell at the grave,

this doll actually resurrects the dead

but the bad news is the resurrected spirit

is really pissed off.

- So then Shirotabi really was resurrected

by that ceremony.

You think Shirotabi was the culprit?

- Does a duck fart underwater?

- You're saying he came back to life?

- Well Bugs didn't climb
out on his own, Leo.

We need to find Gerdy Graverobber.

- Before we leap to conclusions,

we should make sure the
Beelzebub bunny is Shirotabi.

- [All] Hai.

(tense music)

- No satanic activity yet.

- (yawning) I'm sleepy.

- This oughta wake you up.

- What?

- Maybe it isn't the rabbit.

- You guys.

She's looking straight at us.

I don't think we hid very well.

- Shirotabi, my friends over there

think you're a rabbit serial killer

and in the movies,

this would be the part
where I foolishly trust you

not to kill me

and stick my hand in the cage--

You son of a bitch.

(tense music)

(screaming)

- Dumb ass.
- Didn't see that one coming.

(roaring)

- Coming this way now.

- Time to go.

- Give us wings of angels.

(screaming)

(eerie tense music)

(screaming)

- Ew, ew.

Of all the places to run,

why did we end up here?

- Because it was the only place

and we're terminally stupid.

(sobbing)

- Oh god.

Get it together!

- That son of a bitch.

So I drag my happy ass
out in the pouring rain,

come bring me back to life, he says,

I'll be good, I promise, he says.

I'm not gonna turn into a big red eyed

flesh eating monster rabbit.

He says!

(roaring)

(wet squishing)

- [Satsuki] What were you thinking?

- The dead can be resurrected.

You shouldn't play John Edwards.

- Yeah.

Hey, I got an idea.

How bout you guys rub
it in, why don't you?

I suppose none of you ever
resurrected a killer rabbit.

I mean, I have no friends.

No one talks to me.

- I feel evil.

- Come on, Leo.

(screaming)

(roaring)

- On three.

Three!

- I'm a genius.

- [Mio Voiceover] Oh, Shirotabi.

I brought you back from the dead.

Thought you'd be a little more grateful!

(grunting)

- Hey, what if we sacrifice the two boys?

(screaming)

- Satsuki, damn it.

Will you hurry up and put
the thing to spiritual sleep?

- Oh yeah, that's right.

Okay, Mio, you're gonna have to gut up.

You've got one big do-over.

(roaring)

(screaming)

You did some little happy song

to bring this bunny
back, so start singing.

Those three to four cardboard boxes

aren't gonna hold him for long.

- Lord, reveal your salvation

since I am your favorite
among these heathens.

That wicked charm!

(sobbing)

- [Satsuki] Toss the
arts and crafts, move it.

- [Mio] I can't do it!

- [Hajime] And why not?

- Because none of the other animals

would be my friend but Shirotabi.

Sometimes, when we were together,

I feel he would actually talk to me.

- You are pathetic.

- One he died, I was so sad

that I would never hear that voice again.

His laugh.

(deep laughter)

His funny little requests.

- [Shirotabi] Touch me.

- [Mio] His reprimands.

- [Shirotabi] Touch me harder.

- I had to bring him back to life!

(roaring)

- [Leo] Come on.

- You stupid selfish slut.

Does he look happy to be back?

Huh?

(screaming)

(roaring)

- Sentimental flashback time is over,

you stupid bunny loving bitch.

If you don't throw that thing,

I'm tossing you.

(sobbing)
(somber music)

(roaring)
(screaming)

- [All] Throw it!

- Shirotabi, please
forgive me for bringing

you back to life.

I know now that it could
never work between us.

As much as we want it
to, it could never be.

(somber music)

Not because you're a rabbit

but because you're black.

(somber music)

(gasping)

Wow.

- [Satsuki] Ew.

(all laughing)

- My bunny.

My little dead bunny.

- It's no Frank Lloyd Wright for bunnies,

but it will do.

- Yeah, genius, but all
the rabbits are dead.

We should get our best
stationary and our pens

and ask Amy Grant for those three wishes.

- [Sakata] Look what I've got.

- Yo, Sensei, what's haps
on the craps with snaps?

- Cracker.

Aren't they cute?

- Shirotabi.

- The biology teacher told me
they're Shirotabi's children.

- Shirotabi's what?

- Children.

- Guess this as good a time as any.

You see, kids, the boy bunny
has a thing called a penis

and he puts that into
the girl bunny's vagina.

The girl bunny then starts acting

like she owns that penis.

Anyway, don't they look just like him?

- Yes, they do.

- This reminds me of a story.

You know how sometimes the man

totally screws the woman over?

- Yeah.

- Well this friend of mine
doesn't want another kid

but her husband does.

They're not using any birth
control 'cause they're married

and the guy actually
finishes inside of her.

Needless to say, she was pissed.

Isn't that awful?

- Yes.

You two timing son of a bitch!

Who's gonna take care of
these little bastards?

- Hey, I got an idea.

Let's end this episode with a happy moral.

- Like if you leave children behind,

pay your child support on time.

- Deadbeat dads are not cool.

(all laughing)

- [Leo] Yeah!

(singing in Japanese)

- [Announcer] Yo dude
there's this dark tunnel

and once you get up in there,

you aint ever coming out.

Think I'm lying?

Hell no this nigga aint lying.

Think I'm messing with you?

(bleep) you, man.

What am I talking about?

(speaking Japanese)