Futurama (1999–2013): Season 2, Episode 5 - I Second That Emotion - full transcript
When Bender flushes Leela's pet, Prof. Farnsworth affixes an emotional transponder so he can feel what Leela is feeling. Trying to make Leela feel better so he can feel better, Bender, Fry and Leela descend into the bowels of New New York to find her pet.
ANNOUNCER: Futurama is brought to you
by Glagnar's Human Rinds.
It's a Bunch-a-Munch-a-
Crunch-a-Humans!
I Second That Emotion
Somebody likes snouts.
Is it me?
[SINGS]
Oh, my head! My precious head!
Stupid can opener! You killed
my father and now you want me!
- You all right, Bender?
- I guess so.
But why do we keep this time bomb
around for that dumb animal?
Don't yell at him.
You hurt his feelings.
- Come on, pet him and make up.
- No.
I said, pet him.
I'll pet him.
I'll pet him with both hands!
My ass! Get off! Get off!
- Are you okay?
- Nothing a lawsuit won't cure.
Not you.
Oh, poor baby chipped a fang.
I got a busted ass!
I don't see anyone kissing it!
All right, I'm coming.
Remember, Rover gets the pill,
and Pepper gets the suppository. Next!
Ow!
It's just a broken fang. Not serious.
What's that? You have to put him down?
No. Huh? What?
Terrible shame. Shall I do the honors?
No!
- You about done?
- Next time, I'm keeping it.
I have a replacement fang
for your pet in the next room.
[CAT GROWLS]
[GLASS SHATTERING]
The jaguar wasn't helpful,
but he did knock one of my teeth out.
Now, then.
Ow.
What are these rings
in Nibbler's fang?
I'm woozy from a gazelle kick earlier,
but if he's like a tree...
...the rings might indicate his age.
Good luck. It'd take a genius
to count all those rings.
He's 5.
PROFESSOR:
Happy birthday, young Nibbler.
Look how cuddly he looks
in his new cape.
I'd be cuddly
if someone gave me a cape.
Who's playing pin the tail
on the maggot?
Me! Everyone watch how good I am!
[BEEPING]
Yay!
And the crowd goes wild!
What prize do I get? Cash?
Look at Nibbler.
Oh, he's holding a spoon.
- He's so talented.
- You call that talent?
Gather around old Bender and get ready
for the show of a lifetime.
[WHISTLES "THE GLOBETROTTERS"]
Ta-dah. Eh... .
- Now he's wearing a hat!
- Let's all sing "Happy Birthday"!
What day is today?
It's Nibbler's birthday
What a day for a birthday
Let's all have some cake
And you smell like one too
What about this?
[WHISTLES "THE GLOBETROTTERS"]
Bender, aren't you cooking
for this party?
- Fine. We'll have rack of Nibbler!
- Just make a cake. And this time...
...if someone jumps out of it,
put them in after it's cooked.
So it's a cake you want, is it?
I'll make you a cake
you'll never forget.
[LAUGHS MANIACALLY]
That'll take care of those rats.
Now, to bake a cake so delicious...
...they'll have no choice
but to love and worship me.
[WHISTLES "THE GLOBETROTTERS"]
[HUMS]
BENDER: There! This'll teach those
filthy bastards who's lovable.
Once I spell check it,
it'll be ready for my admiring public.
No! Get away from there!
[BELCHES]
That's it.
Happy birthday!
Bender, what's going...?
No!
Can't you see I'm using the toilet?
[CRIES]
How could you flush Nibbler
down the toilet?
Step one, I lifted the seat.
That was the first annoyance.
Am I right, men?
Aren't you upset at all? What if
I flushed Fry down the toilet?
Only one way to find out.
You have no sympathy for anyone!
Sure I do!
Right now I feel sorry for you.
- You do?
- Yeah. One cantaloupe-sized eye?
You ain't winning
no beauty pageants, lady.
And so we say goodbye
to our beloved pet, Nibbler...
...who's gone to a place where l,
too, hope one day to go.
The toilet.
I wouldn't feel so bad...
...if Bender just understood
the pain he caused me.
[BENDER LAUGHS]
Give it to me straight, doc.
Don 't sugarcoat it.
Your entire family died when a plane
piloted by your fianc?e...
... crashed into your uninsured home.
And you have inoperable cancer.
Bet you didn't expect that one!
Does he not understand
humanoid emotion?
I just wish Bender
could feel exactly how I feel.
Through the miracle of science,
that can be done.
Is this another experiment
that crosses a line...
...man was not meant to cross?
The official death toll
in that tragic rocket crash...
... has now been raised to 54,000.
What the hell are you doing
with my head?
- I need to tinker in it.
- Just use a potted plant like Fry!
Quiet, you.
I'm installing an empathy chip.
To allow Bender to feel emotions?
Yes, if by "allow" you mean "force. "
- Son of... Careful!
- Oh, dear.
Oh, my. I got it. Who wants more?
- Professor!
- Steady, now. There we go.
Now I'll simply tune it
to Leela's emotional frequency.
My God, I'm overcome with feelings.
I'm experiencing
a powerful yearning...
...to cram my gullet
with mackerel heads.
That's me, baby.
I feel I'm not as smart as Leela...
...but I also feel relieved
that I'm cuter than her.
- That's me.
- Thanks for covering.
Now I miss Nibbler,
and I feel nosy and opinionated.
- Bingo!
- It's her!
Thanks. I'm happy Bender can
finally feel my pain.
Happy. I like this feeling.
Don't revert to your usual mopey self.
I'm not mopey. You shut up!
Anger, huh?
How dare you make me feel anger...
...you one-eyed jerk with a dead pet?
Thanks for taking me out.
I'm now slightly less miserable.
You know what'd cheer you up?
Getting a puppy!
A puppy?
Nibbler loved to eat puppies.
- What's your problem?
- I miss Nibbler.
- You do?
- Hell, no! It's Leela's feelings!
Why can't she just drink herself happy
like a normal person?
[GROWLS]
- Jealousy. You think you're so hot!
- Wha...?
You only get all the guys
because you dress like a tramp!
They're responding to my personality!
Armando and I are going to
the back seat of his car for coffee.
- Will you be all right by yourself?
- Sure, I'm having a great time. Really!
You two go enjoy yourselves.
I'm so Ionely. I'm gonna go
eat a bucket of ice cream.
A bucket of... .
The spoon's in the foot powder!
I'm at the end of my rope.
I can't live another minute
without sweet Nibbler.
Alligators can live
in sewers after you flush them.
- Really?
- Yep.
My friend's cousin's caseworker
saw one. It's a widely believed fact.
Sewers... .
Thinking, thinking, thinking.
Hang on, Nibbler!
Uncle Bender's coming to save you!
Damn, it's too small.
What did those humans
design this for anyway?
Ah-ha!
Bender, one. Toilet, zero.
See you on the other side!
[KNOCKING]
Bender? Bender?!
Have you seen my sombrero?
He flushed himself down the toilet?
- Who's next?
- It's your fault.
Your emotions made him feel bad.
You're right. I feel terrible.
Now you're making him feel worse!
We better go down and find him.
Are you crazy? There's mutants there!
- They'll eat you alive!
- They're hideous!
Mutants are just
a ridiculous urban myth.
Don't be so sure.
Many scientists believe humans
could mutate down there...
...due to exposure to toxic waste,
radioactive runoff...
...and good old American feces.
God bless America.
Phew.
Ladies first.
[SPLASHES]
[SPUTTERS]
Oh, and the aftertaste.
- What?
- I burned my finger!
- Check the guidebook.
- We're under Park Avenue. Ritzy!
Just think. All this was probably
once a charity luncheon for the Met.
[METAL CLANKS]
Wait, what's that?
Why did I throw out the manual?
You didn't have to come down here.
I know, but I just
missed Nibbler so much.
- He was so cute.
- He was so sweet.
This emotional display
is making me nauseous.
Or maybe it's from that.
Nibbler!
Nibbler!
It's no use. We'd better turn back.
Which way, Fry?
According to this map,
the only exit is through that pipe.
It gets wider after a mile.
- Idiot.
- Idiot.
Okay, never mind.
I'll just ask those people
for directions.
[GROWLING]
Mutants!
Mutants! They're real!
I'll take care of this!
Back! Back!
Thanks, handsome.
- Don't worry, we're harmless.
- I have three arms!
- I said, harmless not armless!
- Lay off him. He only has one ear.
Shouldn't you eat my brain?
You're mutants!
Mutants? Perhaps you are the mutants.
Dwayne, have you looked
in a mirror lately?
Welcome to our village.
It's not Paris...
...but it has a charm
that I wouldn't trade for the world.
- You do realize you live in a sewer.
- Perhaps your civilization...
...is the sewer of an even greater
society above you.
- No, we're on top.
- Daylight and everything.
- It must be wonderful!
- Eh.
We came down here to find our pet.
He was flushed down the toilet.
If he was flushed,
he probably came through here.
Everything always does. Follow me.
All that is ours
came from your toilets.
Over there is our aquarium.
This is our library.
Just crumpled porn and Ayn Rand.
Over here is our church.
You guys worship
an unexploded nuclear bomb?
Nobody's that observant.
It's mainly for Christmas and Easter.
Nibbler!
Come to Daddy, sweetie-ookums!
Do alligators flushed down
toilets live here?
That's an urban legend.
- Then what are those?
- Crocodiles.
They're our pets.
When they grow too large,
we flush them into the sub-sewer.
There's a race of sub-mutants there.
Please! That's just
a sub-urban legend.
Then I suppose you also
don't believe in El Chupakneebray.
[GASPING]
El Chupakneebray? What's that?
Gather around for
the legend of El Chupakneebray.
He creeps in the midnight hush
Silent as a low-flow toilet flush
But sooner or later
He'll eat you whole
And half your alligator
- Crocodile.
- Whatever.
Our pet, Nibbler, loves
fresh crocodile.
It's his favorite treat.
He must be El Chupakneebray.
Hey, yeah!
You unleashed
El Chupakneebray upon us?
Then you are our sworn enemies!
He would never hurt people.
Let us help you capture him.
Impossible. If legend's true, our
only hope is to give a snack-rifice!
Yes, an unspoiled virgin.
- I volunteer!
- Nice try, Leela...
...but we've all seen
Zapp Brannigan's web page.
[LAUGHS]
Oh, I made myself feel bad.
- She'll do.
- Chain her to the post!
And rip her shirt a little.
Behold! When El Chupakneebray
comes for the, uh, "virgin"...
...he will be snared
by this rope trap.
El Chupakneebray comes soon.
It is nightfall.
Nightfall? How can you tell down here?
[SPLASHING]
- The tide is coming in.
- Quiet. The beast approaches.
[METAL CLANKING]
Nibbler! Come here, precious.
Look, everyone. It's El Chupakneebray.
- That's not him.
- Say what?
That's El Chupakneebray!
I'll take care of this!
- Do something!
- I'm too scared!
Your fear is being
transmitted to Bender!
If you care about Nibbler,
stop caring!
I can't! I love all creatures!
- Even me?
- As a friend.
Damn.
Listen to me.
I'm an expert at not caring.
The secret is not giving
a rat's ass about anyone...
...and only caring
about things that you want...
...that you deserve,
that the world owes you!
- Well, I could use a new tank top.
- Bigger! Bigger!
A fashionable tank top! And
designer boots encrusted with jewels!
You'll need some pants
to go with that!
And I could afford it all if I didn't
have to feed that stupid Nibbler!
Bender is back!
I'll save you, Nibbler!
Ah.
- He'll be killed!
- Know what else I could use?
A weekend at a fancy spa.
And a Toblerone.
You did it!
- Let's have a tissue-tape parade!
BENDER: No, thanks.
[SPLASHES]
Gather around to hear
the legend of Bender.
He came from above with a...
It'll be ages before another
guitar string is flushed.
- That's a disgusting story.
- All thanks to Bender.
- I love you, Bender.
- I love you too.
Get that stupid chip out of me
before I kill myself.
You won't believe this,
but the empathy chip burned out.
The emotion you felt for Nibbler
was your own!
So Bender learned a lesson...
...about respecting other people's
feelings after all.
No, I'm wrong. The chip was running
at triple capacity.
And I still barely felt anything.
Good night, losers!
Maybe Bender didn't learn from me...
...but I learned something from him.
So long, jerkwads!
So long!
by Glagnar's Human Rinds.
It's a Bunch-a-Munch-a-
Crunch-a-Humans!
I Second That Emotion
Somebody likes snouts.
Is it me?
[SINGS]
Oh, my head! My precious head!
Stupid can opener! You killed
my father and now you want me!
- You all right, Bender?
- I guess so.
But why do we keep this time bomb
around for that dumb animal?
Don't yell at him.
You hurt his feelings.
- Come on, pet him and make up.
- No.
I said, pet him.
I'll pet him.
I'll pet him with both hands!
My ass! Get off! Get off!
- Are you okay?
- Nothing a lawsuit won't cure.
Not you.
Oh, poor baby chipped a fang.
I got a busted ass!
I don't see anyone kissing it!
All right, I'm coming.
Remember, Rover gets the pill,
and Pepper gets the suppository. Next!
Ow!
It's just a broken fang. Not serious.
What's that? You have to put him down?
No. Huh? What?
Terrible shame. Shall I do the honors?
No!
- You about done?
- Next time, I'm keeping it.
I have a replacement fang
for your pet in the next room.
[CAT GROWLS]
[GLASS SHATTERING]
The jaguar wasn't helpful,
but he did knock one of my teeth out.
Now, then.
Ow.
What are these rings
in Nibbler's fang?
I'm woozy from a gazelle kick earlier,
but if he's like a tree...
...the rings might indicate his age.
Good luck. It'd take a genius
to count all those rings.
He's 5.
PROFESSOR:
Happy birthday, young Nibbler.
Look how cuddly he looks
in his new cape.
I'd be cuddly
if someone gave me a cape.
Who's playing pin the tail
on the maggot?
Me! Everyone watch how good I am!
[BEEPING]
Yay!
And the crowd goes wild!
What prize do I get? Cash?
Look at Nibbler.
Oh, he's holding a spoon.
- He's so talented.
- You call that talent?
Gather around old Bender and get ready
for the show of a lifetime.
[WHISTLES "THE GLOBETROTTERS"]
Ta-dah. Eh... .
- Now he's wearing a hat!
- Let's all sing "Happy Birthday"!
What day is today?
It's Nibbler's birthday
What a day for a birthday
Let's all have some cake
And you smell like one too
What about this?
[WHISTLES "THE GLOBETROTTERS"]
Bender, aren't you cooking
for this party?
- Fine. We'll have rack of Nibbler!
- Just make a cake. And this time...
...if someone jumps out of it,
put them in after it's cooked.
So it's a cake you want, is it?
I'll make you a cake
you'll never forget.
[LAUGHS MANIACALLY]
That'll take care of those rats.
Now, to bake a cake so delicious...
...they'll have no choice
but to love and worship me.
[WHISTLES "THE GLOBETROTTERS"]
[HUMS]
BENDER: There! This'll teach those
filthy bastards who's lovable.
Once I spell check it,
it'll be ready for my admiring public.
No! Get away from there!
[BELCHES]
That's it.
Happy birthday!
Bender, what's going...?
No!
Can't you see I'm using the toilet?
[CRIES]
How could you flush Nibbler
down the toilet?
Step one, I lifted the seat.
That was the first annoyance.
Am I right, men?
Aren't you upset at all? What if
I flushed Fry down the toilet?
Only one way to find out.
You have no sympathy for anyone!
Sure I do!
Right now I feel sorry for you.
- You do?
- Yeah. One cantaloupe-sized eye?
You ain't winning
no beauty pageants, lady.
And so we say goodbye
to our beloved pet, Nibbler...
...who's gone to a place where l,
too, hope one day to go.
The toilet.
I wouldn't feel so bad...
...if Bender just understood
the pain he caused me.
[BENDER LAUGHS]
Give it to me straight, doc.
Don 't sugarcoat it.
Your entire family died when a plane
piloted by your fianc?e...
... crashed into your uninsured home.
And you have inoperable cancer.
Bet you didn't expect that one!
Does he not understand
humanoid emotion?
I just wish Bender
could feel exactly how I feel.
Through the miracle of science,
that can be done.
Is this another experiment
that crosses a line...
...man was not meant to cross?
The official death toll
in that tragic rocket crash...
... has now been raised to 54,000.
What the hell are you doing
with my head?
- I need to tinker in it.
- Just use a potted plant like Fry!
Quiet, you.
I'm installing an empathy chip.
To allow Bender to feel emotions?
Yes, if by "allow" you mean "force. "
- Son of... Careful!
- Oh, dear.
Oh, my. I got it. Who wants more?
- Professor!
- Steady, now. There we go.
Now I'll simply tune it
to Leela's emotional frequency.
My God, I'm overcome with feelings.
I'm experiencing
a powerful yearning...
...to cram my gullet
with mackerel heads.
That's me, baby.
I feel I'm not as smart as Leela...
...but I also feel relieved
that I'm cuter than her.
- That's me.
- Thanks for covering.
Now I miss Nibbler,
and I feel nosy and opinionated.
- Bingo!
- It's her!
Thanks. I'm happy Bender can
finally feel my pain.
Happy. I like this feeling.
Don't revert to your usual mopey self.
I'm not mopey. You shut up!
Anger, huh?
How dare you make me feel anger...
...you one-eyed jerk with a dead pet?
Thanks for taking me out.
I'm now slightly less miserable.
You know what'd cheer you up?
Getting a puppy!
A puppy?
Nibbler loved to eat puppies.
- What's your problem?
- I miss Nibbler.
- You do?
- Hell, no! It's Leela's feelings!
Why can't she just drink herself happy
like a normal person?
[GROWLS]
- Jealousy. You think you're so hot!
- Wha...?
You only get all the guys
because you dress like a tramp!
They're responding to my personality!
Armando and I are going to
the back seat of his car for coffee.
- Will you be all right by yourself?
- Sure, I'm having a great time. Really!
You two go enjoy yourselves.
I'm so Ionely. I'm gonna go
eat a bucket of ice cream.
A bucket of... .
The spoon's in the foot powder!
I'm at the end of my rope.
I can't live another minute
without sweet Nibbler.
Alligators can live
in sewers after you flush them.
- Really?
- Yep.
My friend's cousin's caseworker
saw one. It's a widely believed fact.
Sewers... .
Thinking, thinking, thinking.
Hang on, Nibbler!
Uncle Bender's coming to save you!
Damn, it's too small.
What did those humans
design this for anyway?
Ah-ha!
Bender, one. Toilet, zero.
See you on the other side!
[KNOCKING]
Bender? Bender?!
Have you seen my sombrero?
He flushed himself down the toilet?
- Who's next?
- It's your fault.
Your emotions made him feel bad.
You're right. I feel terrible.
Now you're making him feel worse!
We better go down and find him.
Are you crazy? There's mutants there!
- They'll eat you alive!
- They're hideous!
Mutants are just
a ridiculous urban myth.
Don't be so sure.
Many scientists believe humans
could mutate down there...
...due to exposure to toxic waste,
radioactive runoff...
...and good old American feces.
God bless America.
Phew.
Ladies first.
[SPLASHES]
[SPUTTERS]
Oh, and the aftertaste.
- What?
- I burned my finger!
- Check the guidebook.
- We're under Park Avenue. Ritzy!
Just think. All this was probably
once a charity luncheon for the Met.
[METAL CLANKS]
Wait, what's that?
Why did I throw out the manual?
You didn't have to come down here.
I know, but I just
missed Nibbler so much.
- He was so cute.
- He was so sweet.
This emotional display
is making me nauseous.
Or maybe it's from that.
Nibbler!
Nibbler!
It's no use. We'd better turn back.
Which way, Fry?
According to this map,
the only exit is through that pipe.
It gets wider after a mile.
- Idiot.
- Idiot.
Okay, never mind.
I'll just ask those people
for directions.
[GROWLING]
Mutants!
Mutants! They're real!
I'll take care of this!
Back! Back!
Thanks, handsome.
- Don't worry, we're harmless.
- I have three arms!
- I said, harmless not armless!
- Lay off him. He only has one ear.
Shouldn't you eat my brain?
You're mutants!
Mutants? Perhaps you are the mutants.
Dwayne, have you looked
in a mirror lately?
Welcome to our village.
It's not Paris...
...but it has a charm
that I wouldn't trade for the world.
- You do realize you live in a sewer.
- Perhaps your civilization...
...is the sewer of an even greater
society above you.
- No, we're on top.
- Daylight and everything.
- It must be wonderful!
- Eh.
We came down here to find our pet.
He was flushed down the toilet.
If he was flushed,
he probably came through here.
Everything always does. Follow me.
All that is ours
came from your toilets.
Over there is our aquarium.
This is our library.
Just crumpled porn and Ayn Rand.
Over here is our church.
You guys worship
an unexploded nuclear bomb?
Nobody's that observant.
It's mainly for Christmas and Easter.
Nibbler!
Come to Daddy, sweetie-ookums!
Do alligators flushed down
toilets live here?
That's an urban legend.
- Then what are those?
- Crocodiles.
They're our pets.
When they grow too large,
we flush them into the sub-sewer.
There's a race of sub-mutants there.
Please! That's just
a sub-urban legend.
Then I suppose you also
don't believe in El Chupakneebray.
[GASPING]
El Chupakneebray? What's that?
Gather around for
the legend of El Chupakneebray.
He creeps in the midnight hush
Silent as a low-flow toilet flush
But sooner or later
He'll eat you whole
And half your alligator
- Crocodile.
- Whatever.
Our pet, Nibbler, loves
fresh crocodile.
It's his favorite treat.
He must be El Chupakneebray.
Hey, yeah!
You unleashed
El Chupakneebray upon us?
Then you are our sworn enemies!
He would never hurt people.
Let us help you capture him.
Impossible. If legend's true, our
only hope is to give a snack-rifice!
Yes, an unspoiled virgin.
- I volunteer!
- Nice try, Leela...
...but we've all seen
Zapp Brannigan's web page.
[LAUGHS]
Oh, I made myself feel bad.
- She'll do.
- Chain her to the post!
And rip her shirt a little.
Behold! When El Chupakneebray
comes for the, uh, "virgin"...
...he will be snared
by this rope trap.
El Chupakneebray comes soon.
It is nightfall.
Nightfall? How can you tell down here?
[SPLASHING]
- The tide is coming in.
- Quiet. The beast approaches.
[METAL CLANKING]
Nibbler! Come here, precious.
Look, everyone. It's El Chupakneebray.
- That's not him.
- Say what?
That's El Chupakneebray!
I'll take care of this!
- Do something!
- I'm too scared!
Your fear is being
transmitted to Bender!
If you care about Nibbler,
stop caring!
I can't! I love all creatures!
- Even me?
- As a friend.
Damn.
Listen to me.
I'm an expert at not caring.
The secret is not giving
a rat's ass about anyone...
...and only caring
about things that you want...
...that you deserve,
that the world owes you!
- Well, I could use a new tank top.
- Bigger! Bigger!
A fashionable tank top! And
designer boots encrusted with jewels!
You'll need some pants
to go with that!
And I could afford it all if I didn't
have to feed that stupid Nibbler!
Bender is back!
I'll save you, Nibbler!
Ah.
- He'll be killed!
- Know what else I could use?
A weekend at a fancy spa.
And a Toblerone.
You did it!
- Let's have a tissue-tape parade!
BENDER: No, thanks.
[SPLASHES]
Gather around to hear
the legend of Bender.
He came from above with a...
It'll be ages before another
guitar string is flushed.
- That's a disgusting story.
- All thanks to Bender.
- I love you, Bender.
- I love you too.
Get that stupid chip out of me
before I kill myself.
You won't believe this,
but the empathy chip burned out.
The emotion you felt for Nibbler
was your own!
So Bender learned a lesson...
...about respecting other people's
feelings after all.
No, I'm wrong. The chip was running
at triple capacity.
And I still barely felt anything.
Good night, losers!
Maybe Bender didn't learn from me...
...but I learned something from him.
So long, jerkwads!
So long!