Futurama (1999–2013): Season 2, Episode 17 - Bender Gets Made - full transcript

[ Mumbling ]
HMM, SPIDER... HUBBLE...

NITRO... UH-UH.

OOH! BIG PINK!

IT'S THE ONLY GUM

WITH THE BREATH-
FRESHENING POWER OF HAM.

AND IT PINKENS YOUR TEETH
WHILE YOU CHEW.

ALL RIGHT, SERGEANT,
$100 WORTH OF PIXY STIX
AND PORNO MAGS

WITH YOUR FIVE PERCENT
MILITARY DISCOUNT

COMES TO $95.

THAT'LL BE 40 CENTS.

I BELIEVE YOU'RE FORGETTING



ABOUT OUR FIVE PERCENT
MILITARY DISCOUNT.

WELL, THAT'S ONLY FOR PEOPLE
IN THE MILITARY.

WHAT?!
HUH?

THIS IS THE WORST KIND
OF DISCRIMINATION--

THE KIND AGAINST ME.

ALL RIGHT, LOOK, OUR POLICY IS

IF FOR ANY REASON
YOU'RE NOT COMPLETELY SATISFIED,

I HATE YOU.

[ Beeps ]

HEY, FELLAS...
WHOA!

OKAY, NOW I'M MAD.

[ Ratcheting ]

FULL PRICE FOR GUM?

THAT DOG WON'T HUNT,
MONSIGNOR.



HELLO.

WE'RE HERE
BECAUSE WE, UH...

LOVE OUR PLANET.

[ Both Snickering ]

SIGN HERE ON THE DOTTED LINE,
PATRIOTS

AND I'LL GIVE YOU
YOUR DISCOUNT CARDS.

JUST OUT OF CURIOSITY--

WE CAN USE THE CARDS
TO BUY GUM

THEN IMMEDIATELY
QUIT THE ARMY, RIGHT?

YOU KNOW, PLAYING YOU ALL
FOR CHUMPS?

CORRECT.
THERE'S NO OBLIGATION.

[ Both Snickering ]

UNLESS OF COURSE...
WAR WERE DECLARED.

[ Alarm Blaring ]
WHAT'S THAT?

WAR WERE DECLARED.

NOW, BE CAREFUL, FRY

AND IF YOU KILL ANYONE,
MAKE SURE TO EAT THEIR HEART

TO GAIN THEIR COURAGE...

THEIR RICH, TASTY COURAGE.

[ Slurping ]

I DON'T WANT YOU TO WORRY
ABOUT YOUR JOBS

WHILE YOU'RE AWAY.

THAT'S WHY
I'M FIRING YOU NOW.

[ Crying ]

I WANT TO ENLIST.

MY FRIENDS ALWAYS DIE
IF I'M NOT THERE TO SAVE THEM.

SORRY, BUT THE
ARMY'S INSTITUTED
A MEN-ONLY POLICY.

WHAT?!

IT'S SHAMEFUL,
I AGREE.

IN THE OLDEN DAYS,
I PROUDLY FOUGHT
ALONGSIDE FEMALE TROOPS

SHOULDER TO,
UH... SHOULDER.

ALAS, AFTER A SERIES
OF DEADLY BLUNDERS

CAUSED BY DISTRACTING
LOW-CUT FATIGUES

AND LOTS OF HARMLESS PINCHING

THE ARMY DECIDED WOMEN
WEREN'T FIT FOR SERVICE.

NOT WHEN I'M IN CHARGE.

YOU KNOW, ZAPP, SOMEONE OUGHT
TO TEACH YOU A LESSON.

IF IT'S A LESSON
IN LOVE, WATCH OUT.

I SUFFER FROM A VERY SEXY
LEARNING DISABILITY.

WHAT DO I CALL IT, KIFF?

[ Groans ]

SEX-LEXIA.

MEN, YOU'RE LUCKY MEN.

SOON YOU'LL ALL BE FIGHTING
FOR YOUR PLANET.

MANY OF YOU WILL BE DYING
FOR YOUR PLANET.

A FEW OF YOU WILL BE FORCED
THROUGH A FINE-MESHED SCREEN

FOR YOUR PLANET.

THEY WILL BE
THE LUCKIEST OF ALL.

GREAT.
WE'RE GONNA DIE.

AND THIS HAM GUM
IS ALL BONES.

NOW TO PRESENT THE LOGISTICS
OF OUR MISSION

THE COMMANDER IN CHIEF.

PLEASE WELCOME THE ORIGINAL
GERBER BABY

EARTH PRESIDENT
RICHARD M. NIXON.

[ Scattered Applause ]

THIS IS THE BRASS RING, FELLAS.

[ Beeps ]

PLANET SPHERON ONE.

[ Fry ]
COOL EFFECT!

IT'S A DESOLATE, UGLY,
LITTLE PLANET

WITH ABSOLUTELY
NO NATURAL RESOURCES

OR STRATEGIC VALUE.

QUESTIONS?

WHY IS THIS GODFORSAKEN PLANET
WORTH DYING FOR?

DON'T ASK ME. YOU'RE THE ONE
WHO'S GOING TO BE DYING.

UH, JUST SO WE'LL KNOW,
WHO'S THE ENEMY?

A VALID QUESTION.

WE KNOW NOTHING ABOUT
THEIR LANGUAGE

THEIR HISTORY,
OR WHAT THEY LOOK LIKE

BUT WE CAN ASSUME THIS:

THEY STAND FOR EVERYTHING
WE DON'T STAND FOR.

ALSO, THEY TOLD ME YOU GUYS
LOOK LIKE DORKS.

THEY LOOK LIKE DORKS!

OH, I'M GONNA...

MM-HMM.

MM-HMM.

[ Muffled Exclamations ]

WHAT'S THE MATTER, PRIVATE?
TENT GOT YOUR TONGUE?

[ Laughing ]
TENT GOT YOUR...

KIFF, WRITE THAT DOWN
AND SEND IT TO
"HUMOR IN UNIFORM."

AW... OH!

HMM.

[ Laser Humming ]

[ Grunting ]

[ Clamoring ]

[ Panting And Grunting ]

WHOA!
CHECK OUT THAT GUY.

HE MAKES SPEEDY GONZALES
LOOK LIKE REGULAR GONZALES.

[ Panting ]

THAT NEW RECRUIT IS
PHENOMENAL, SIR.

YES. HE EDGED OUT MY OLD MARK
BY TWO SECONDS.

AND 16 MINUTES.

AND 12 HOURS.

I DO PLAN TO FINISH
SOMEDAY, KIFF.

GOOD HUSTLE, SOLDIER.

[ Falsetto ]
OH!

[ Lower Voice ]
UH, SORRY, SIR.

I WAS STILL
IN ATTACK MODE.

YOU KNOW HOW
TESTOSTERONE IS.

AS A BUBBLING CROCK-POT
OF MALE HORMONES, I SURE DO.

WHAT'S YOUR NAME,
PRIVATE?

LEE... LA... MAN.

LA-MAN.

LEMON!

LEE LEMON, SIR.

LEMON, YOU'RE A MAN'S MAN.

YOU'RE A MAN'S MAN'S MAN.

AND MORE IMPORTANTLY

YOUR HAND, WHILE FIRM
AND MASCULINE

IS SOFT AS A VELVET CHILD.

WHAT LOTION DO YOU USE?

PERT 'N' POPULAR, SIR.

ROGER THAT.

KIFF, GET ME TEN CASES
OF PERT 'N' POPULAR.

WHAT SHALL I DO
WITH YOUR JERGENS, SIR?

SQUIRT IT ON
SOME HOMELESS MAN
WITH DRY ELBOWS.

PRIVATE LEE LEMON MAY WELL BE
THE FINEST RECRUIT I'VE SEEN

IN ALL MY YEARS OF SERVICE.

THAT YOUNG MAN FILLS ME
WITH HOPE...

AND SOME OTHER EMOTIONS
THAT ARE WEIRD AND...

DEEPLY CONFUSING ME.

EW.

[ Beeping ]

[ Zapp, Lasciviously ]
HELLO.

[ Slurping ]
MMM.

NOW THAT'S
A NICE ROSE.

SO, ANYWAY,
WE OPEN UP THE PANDA CRATE

AND WOULDN'T YOU KNOW IT,
THE DAMN THING'S DEAD.

UPCHUCKED ITS BAMBOO.

TRUE STORY.

UH-HUH. UH-HUH.

THAT'S WHATEVER-YOU-WERE-
TALKING-ABOUT FOR YOU.

- MIND IF WE SIT WITH YOU?
- UH, HEY.

WHY THE HELL WOULD I?
WE'RE ALL GUYS HERE.

SWEATY, HAIRY, GASSY GUYS.

GOOD POINT. I GUESS.

YOU'RE MY KIND OF SOLDIER,
LEMON--

A FOUL-MOUTHED, BARREL-CHESTED,
BEER-BELLY PILE OF UGLY MUSCLE.

SO, ANY OF YOU FELLAS GOT
A SPECIAL LADY BACK HOME?

WELL, I SORT HAVE A THING
FOR THIS GIRL I WORK WITH.

REALLY?

WHAT TYPE IS SHE?

YOU KNOW, BLONDE, OR CHINESE,
OR CYCLOPS?

CYCLOPS.

AW.

SHE SOUNDS SWEET.

BUT SWEET GIRLS
AREN'T FOR YOU, EH?

YOU HARD-FIGHTIN',
HARD-FARTIN',
UGLY, UGLY SON OF A...

STOP!
STOP FLATTERING ME.

[ Zapp ]
TEN-HUT!

WELL, WELL, WELL,
IF IT ISN'T LEE LEMON

THE FLAMING STAR
OF BRANNIGAN'S ROUGH RANGERS.

SAY, UH, LEMON,
DO YOU LIKE TO READ?

I JUST GOT A GREAT BOOK
ON TAPE.

IT'S ABOUT LIFE
IN ANCIENT GREECE AND...

[ Alarm Blaring ]

SIR, THE ALARM.

I THINK I BETTER...
SHH!

DON'T TALK. JUST GO.

WE ARE NOW IN POSITION
ABOVE SPHERON ONE.

THIS IS THE MOMENT
WE WERE TRAINING FOR

ALL YESTERDAY AFTERNOON.

AND NOW FOR THE BATTLE PLAN.

AS YOU ALL KNOW

THE KEY TO VICTORY
IS THE ELEMENT OF SURPRISE.

SURPRISE!

[ All Yelling ]

[ Groaning ]

[ Nervous Murmuring ]

IT'S CREEPY HERE.

THIS IS THE WORST PART--

THE CALM BEFORE
THE BATTLE.

AND THEN THE BATTLE'S
NOT SO BAD?

OH, RIGHT.
I FORGOT ABOUT THE BATTLE.

[ Whimpers ]

[ Thudding ]

WHAT'S HAPPENING?

HOLY SHOOT!

LOOKY!

[ Fry ]
THE ENEMY, THEY'RE BALLS!

[ Grunts ]

OW!

[ Hissing ]

[ Sputters ]

CHARGE YOUR GUN, FRY!

OH, RIGHT.

[ Gun Plays
"Pop Goes The Weasel" ]

[ Whinny ]
WATCH WHERE YOU'RE
SHOOTING, PRIVATE.

YOU SPOOKED FELICITY.

THERE, THERE, BOY.

[ Grunting ]

[ Grunting ]

YAH!

WHAA!

HEE! HA!

YE-OW!

[ Moaning ]
GIVE THIS TO MY SON.

YOU GOT IT.

WAIT. I DIDN'T TELL YOU
WHERE HE LIVES.

HEY, I THINK YOUR SON
MIGHT ALSO LIKE THOSE BOOTS.

[ Guns Play
Pop Goes The Weasel" ]

COVER US, BUDDY!

YOU GOT THE ONLY WOUNDED UP
POSITRON SHOOTER.

[ Exploding ]

[ Whimpering ]

[ Screams ]

FRY, YOU EMU-BELLIED COWARD!

AAH!

OH!

[ All Grunting ]

[ Whimpers ]

[ All Screaming ]

BENDER, NO!

IF THEY PUT ME ON A STAMP

TELL THEM TO USE
THE YOUNG BENDER.

[ Muffled Explosion ]

[ Theme From MASH Plays ]

[ Man Over P.A. ]
INCOMING WOUNDED.

ALL PERSONNEL REPORT
TO OPERATING TENT FOUR.

REPEAT: FOUR.

I-I MEAN, FIVE.

REPEAT: FOUR.

ARE YOU READY TO OPERATE,
DOCTOR?

I'D LOVE TO, BUT FIRST
I HAVE TO PERFORM SURGERY.

[ Chuckling ]

I KID, I KID.

[ Tearing ]

[ Monitors Beeping ]

SCALPEL.

BLOOD BUCKET.

PRIEST.

NEXT PATIENT!

GEEZ, ZOIDBERG, LEAVE SOME
FOR THE ENEMY TO KILL.

LEAVE DR. ZOIDBERG ALONE.

HE HAS TWICE THE TRAINING
YOU DO.

YEAH, HE'S A DOCTOR
AND A BUTCHER.

[ Both Laughing ]

OH, SEE? THIS IS
HOW IT STARTS--

FIRST WITH THE JOKES

THEN COMES THE HEAVY STUFF.

[ Laughing ]

WHEN WILL THE KILLING END?

LOOK AT
THIS SISSY, KIFF.

WHILE OTHERS WERE FIGHTING
AND DYING POINTLESSLY

HE WAS HIDING IN A HOLE

WALLOWING IN A POOL
OF HIS OWN COWARDICE.

THAT WASN'T COWARDICE.

I'M DE-PROMOTING YOU,
SOLDIER.

KIFF, WHAT'S THE MOST
HUMILIATING JOB THERE IS?

BEING
YOUR ASSISTANT.

WRONG.

BEING YOUR ASSISTANT.

PRIVATE FRY,
YOU SHALL HENCEFORTH SERVE

AS KIFF'S ASSISTANT.

THAT DOESN'T SOUND TOO BAD.

YOU'LL SPEAK WHEN I TELL
YOU TO, YOU FILTHY WORM!

I'M AFRAID HE'S GONE.

WHOA, DOC, I AIN'T DEAD.

EXCUSE ME. I BELIEVE
I'M THE DOCTOR.

BELIEVE IT ALL YOU WANT.
THAT WON'T MAKE IT TRUE.

[ Laughs ]

THIS ISN'T A WAR.
IT'S A MURDER.

[ As Groucho Marx ]
THIS ISN'T A WAR. IT'S A MURDER.

BENDER, OLD BUDDY,
HANG IN THERE.

[ Groans ]

HERE LIES THE BRAVEST SOLDIER
I'VE SEEN

SINCE MY MIRROR
GOT GREASE ON IT.

I HEREBY ORDER
THAT IN BENDER'S HONOR

HE BE MELTED DOWN AND MADE
INTO A STATUE OF HIMSELF.

SLOW DOWN THERE, STARSKY.

I'M UP TO SOMETHING HERE.

I WANT THIS ROBOT FIXED--

FIXED LIKE KENNEDY FIXED
THE 1960 ELECTION.

DAMN BEAN-EATING WAR HERO.

ARE YOU READY TO OPERATE,
DOCTOR?

I'D LOVE TO, BUT FIRST
I HAVE TO PERFORM SURGERY.

[ Laughs ]

THAT'S MY JOKE.

I'LL KILL YOU!

[ Growls ]
OH!

[ Artillery Exploding ]

[ Slurps ]

AH... PREWAR SCOTCH.

WELCOME,
LIEUTENANT BENDER.

YOU'RE LOOKING SHARP.

I GOT WHEELS WITH
CLICKETY CLACKERS.

[ Clicking ]

DAMN IT, KIFF, WHERE'S
THE LITTLE UMBRELLA?

THAT'S WHAT MAKES IT
A SCOTCH ON THE ROCKS.

ACTUALLY, SIR... OOH!

MAKE ME A NEW ONE.

USE A BRUSH,
YOU DUNDERHEAD

AND MIX THESE
MIXED NUTS.

I SEE TWO ALMONDS
TOUCHING.

NOW LISTEN HERE,
BENDER.

THIS WAR IS IN DANGER
OF GOING ALL QUAGMIRE ON ME.

SO, I'M SENDING YOU
ON ONE LAST MISSION.

HOT DIGGITY DAFFODIL!

- A MISSION OF PEACE.
- [ Groans ]

YOU'LL BE NEGOTIATING

WITH THE ALIENS'
MYSTERIOUS LEADERS

THE BRAIN BALLS.

THEY'VE GOT A LOT OF BRAINS

AND THEY'VE GOT
A LOT OF CHUTZPAH.

ACCOMPANYING YOU WILL BE
OUR TOP PEACE NEGOTIATOR...

HENRY KISSINGER.

HOW ARE YOU?

IS HE ANY GOOD?

LOOKING LIKE THAT

HE TALKED HIS WAY INTO
JILL ST. JOHN'S BED.

'NUFF SAID.

[ Helicopter Whirring ]

♪ I'M SO DIZZY,
MY HEAD IS SPINNING ♪

♪ LIKE A WHIRLPOOL,
IT NEVER ENDS... ♪

A LITTLE LOWER.

LOWER.

LOWER.

A LOT LOWER.

TOO LOW!

LOWER.

[ Groans ]

♪ I'M WALKING
ON SUNSHINE ♪

♪ OH-OH-OH... ♪

[ Humming ]

[ Gasps ]

NO NEED TO LEAVE.

MY STALL JUST BECAME FREE.

MAYBE YOU SHOULD
PUT ON A TOWEL, SIR.

RIGHT, RIGHT.

I'M ABOUT TO TRY THE NEW LOTION
YOU RECOMMENDED.

IF I SHOULD ACCIDENTALLY
PUT TOO MUCH ON MY HANDS

PERHAPS I COULD
RUB IT ONTO YOU.

[ Gagging ]

[ Nixon ]
BRANNIGAN!
HMM?

MY GOD, COVER YOURSELF.

I DIDN'T LIVE
A THOUSAND YEARS

AND TRAVEL
A QUADRILLION MILES

TO LOOK AT
ANOTHER MAN'S GIZMO.

SORRY, MR. PRESIDENT.

I DIDN'T REALIZE.

KIFF, RAISE HIM UP
ABOUT NIPPLE HIGH.

COME ON, BRANNIGAN, STUFF
YOURSELF INTO A UNIFORM.

WE'VE GOT TO
GET OFF THIS PLANET

BEFORE THE BOMB
GOES OFF.

BOMB?!

WHAT BOMB?

THE ONE WE HAD
THE DOCTORS IMPLANT

IN THAT GULLIBLE
BENDER ROBOT.

[ Gasps ]
[ Brays ]

MMM...

ZAPP. ZAPP!
HMM?

INSPECT THE
TROOPS LATER.

IT'S TIME TO ACTIVATE THE BOMB.

[ Beeps ]

[ Kissinger ]
NOW AS FOR ECONOMIC
COOPERATION...

[ Beeps ]

OH. EXCUSE ME.

[ Ticking ]

[ Man On P.A. ]
ATTENTION...

ALL PERSONNEL EVACUATE
THE PLANET IMMEDIATELY.

AND NOT JUST BECAUSE
IT'S MEAT LOAF NIGHT.

COME ALONG, LEMON, BEFORE
THIS WHOLE DUMP BLOWS UP.

UH, COMMANDER...

COULD YOU TELL ME
WHEN THE BOMB IS EXPLODING?

OF COURSE,
MY SIGNIFICANT SOLDIER.

THE BOMB IS VOICE ACTIVATED.

IT WILL DETONATE THE INSTANT

THE ROBOT UNWITTINGLY
SPEAKS A CERTAIN WORD.

WHAT'S THE WORD...
UH, SIR?

IT'S THE ONE WORD THE ROBOT USES
MORE THAN ANY OTHER.

WE GOT IT FROM THIS
CONVENIENT DATABASE

OF HIS TEN MOST
FREQUENTLY USED WORDS.

- [ Theme Music Plays ]
- [ Brannigan Reciting ]

NUMBER FIVE: "BITE."

NUMBER FOUR: "MY."
[ Gasps ]

AND BENDER'S NUMBER ONE
MOST FREQUENTLY UTTERED WORD

THE WORD WHICH, IF UTTERED, WILL
BLOW UP THIS ENTIRE PLANET...

[ Drumroll ]

[ Gasps ]
WE DON'T HAVE LONG.

[ Brain Ball ]
WE DEMAND BOUNCING,
FOLLOWED BY ROLLING,

FOLLOWED BY ROLLING
OF THE THIRD TYPE.

SAY WHAT?

MY CHAIR'S TOO HARD.

IT'S A REAL PAIN
IN THE...

UH, WHAT DO YOU CALL IT?

LOWER BACK.

YEAH, THAT WHOLE REGION.

OKAY. I GOT TO
BREAK DOWN THAT GATE

BEAT UP THOSE THREE GUARDS,
STEAL THAT CHOPPER

AND RESCUE BENDER.

[ Grunting ]

[ Karate Yell ]

HEY, I DID IT.

WAIT, THAT'S NOT ME.

COME ON, WE GOT
TO SAVE BENDER.

YOU WANT TO SAVE HIM,
TOO, LEMON?

YOU BARELY KNOW HIM.

FRY, DON'T YOU
RECOGNIZE ME?

HERMES?

LEE... WHEN WILL
I SEE YOU AGAIN?

[ Gasps ]

THE TWO OF YOU ARE...
GOOD FRIENDS?

BUT I THOUGHT WE WOULD BE...
GOOD FRIENDS.

WELL, LET'S SEE
HOW FRIENDLY YOU GET

WHEN YOU'RE SHARING
A PRISON CELL.

[ Karate Yell ]

[ Grunting ]

HEY, ZAPP.
HUH?

LEELA!
LEELA.

SO IT'S YOU
I'VE BEEN ATTRACTED TO.

OH, GOD,
I'VE NEVER BEEN SO HAPPY

TO BE BEATEN UP BY A WOMAN.

LET'S DO IT AGAIN SOMETIME.

THE ELDERS TELL OF
A YOUNG BALL MUCH LIKE YOU.

HE BOUNCED THREE
METERS IN THE AIR.

THEN, HE BOUNCED
1.8 METERS IN THE AIR.

THEN, HE BOUNCED FOUR METERS
IN THE AIR.

DO I MAKE MYSELF CLEAR?

MR. AMBASSADOR,
OUR PEOPLE TELL THE SAME STORY.

OY.

[ Groans ]

THESE BALLS ARE
MAKING ME TESTY!

IF THEY DON'T STOP
BOUNCING AND JIGGLING

I SWEAR I'M GOING TO SHOVE
THIS TREATY UP THEIR...

WAIT A SECOND.

WHERE DO YOU SHOVE THINGS
UP A BALL?

WE'RE HERE.

I FOLLOWED THE BOUNCING BALLS.

I'LL KEEP THE CHOPPER
AT A SAFE ALTITUDE

WHILE YOU PARACHUTE DOWN.

OKAY.

MY BEST FRIEND'S LIFE
IS AT STAKE.

I CAN FINALLY PROVE
THAT I'M NOT A COWARD.

[ Sighs ]

WILL YOU PUSH ME?

I ALREADY DID.

THANK YOU!

[ Groans ]

[ Grunting ]

AT LAST...
WAR HAS MADE ME INTO A MAN.

WHEE!

PLEASE, GENTLEMEN

WE MUST PUT AN END
TO THE BLOODSHED.

WE HAVE ALL SEEN TOO MANY
BODY BAGS AND BALL SACKS.

WE CANNOT CONDONE BOUNCING
OF THE SEVENTH VARIETY.

ENOUGH
OF THIS CRAP!

I'M CATCHING THE NEXT PIMPMOBILE
OUT OF HERE

BUT BEFORE I GO,
I HAVE ONE THING TO SAY.

BITE MY SHINY... METAL...

[ Fry ]
STOP!

YOU CAN'T SAY THE NEXT WORD.

UP YOURS, CHUMP.

I SAID IT 906 TIMES
BEFORE LUNCH.

BENDER, IF YOU SAY
THE "A" WORD

YOU'LL BLOW THIS WHOLE PLANET
STRAIGHT TO THE "H" WORD.

[ Both Gasping ]

YOUNG MAN...

YOU HAVE THE BRAVERY
OF A HERO

AND BREATH AS FRESH
AS A SUMMER HAM.

[ Bender Chuckling ]

[ Laughing Maniacally ]

WHAT? WHAT IS FUNNY?

BENDER'S GOT
THE UPPER HAND NOW.

THE NAME OF THE GAME
IS MAKE BENDER HAPPY

OR HE BLOWS UP
THE PLANET!

[ Gasps ]

I'D RATHER DIE
AND TAKE EVERYBODY WITH ME

THAN SIT HERE
ONE MORE MINUTE

AND LISTEN TO THESE IDIOTS TALK
ABOUT BOUNCING.

PLEASE, STAY CALM.

THERE'S NO NEED TO
BOUNCE OFF THE HANDLE.

THAT'S IT, I'M SAYING IT!

"A" IS FOR A...
WAIT!

STOP.

WE GIVE IN TO ALL
OF EARTH'S DEMANDS.

THE WAR IS OVER.

OUR HOME PLANET
IS YOURS.

[ Cheering ]
ALL RIGHT!

HEY, WAIT A MINUTE.

THIS IS YOUR HOME PLANET?

WE'RE THE EVIL INVADING ALIENS?

CORRECT.

THEN I GUESS YOU LEARNED

A VALUABLE LESSON.

DON'T MESS WITH EARTH.

MAY YOU BOUNCE IN PEACE.

GET THE HELL OFF MY PLANET.

[ Zapping ]

WELL, THAT'S IT.

LET'S REACTIVATE HIM.

WAKE UP!

[ Yawns ]

HEY, CHUMPS AND CHUMPETTES.

DID YOU GET THE BOMB OUT?

CAN I GO BACK TO SAYING
THE WORD I LOVE TO SAY?

I'M SORRY, BUT WE
COULDN'T REMOVE IT.

IT'S STUCK IN THERE
WITH GLUE OR SOMETHING.

I DON'T KNOW.

WELL, THIS IS JUST GREAT.

WHAT'S THE POINT OF LIVING
IF I CAN'T SAY ASS?

[ Gasps ]

HEY, I DIDN'T BLOW UP!

ASS! ASS! ASS! ASS! ASS!

ALL RIGHT!

I'M BACK IN THE SADDLE.

WE COULDN'T DISARM THE BOMB

SO WE RESET THE WORD
THAT TRIGGERS IT.

IT'S FROM THE LIST OF WORDS
YOU ALMOST NEVER SAY.

THAT'S USING YOUR ASS.

SO WHAT'S THE WORD?

WE THINK IT'S BETTER
IF YOU DON'T KNOW.

OH, COME ON.

I'M NOT GOING TO SAY IT.

PLEASE?

OOH, IS IT "PLEASE"?

NOPE.

HMM.

WORDS I NEVER SAY.

OH. I KNOW. "THANKS."

BENDER, STOP TRYING
TO DESTROY THE WORLD.

WAIT, WAIT, WAIT, WAIT.

IS IT "SORRY"?

NO.

"FUNDERFUL"?

"NON-ALCOHOLIC"?

STOP IT, MON.
BENDER.
QUIT IT.
ENOUGH ALREADY.

MMM... "COMPASSION"?
"SHRIMP TOAST"?

"ANTIQUING"?

[ Explosion ]
[ Bender ]
I'M ALL RIGHT.