Futurama (1999–2013): Season 2, Episode 1 - A Flight to Remember - full transcript
The crew takes a vacation cruise on the maiden voyage of the new space Titanic.
www.NapiProjekt.pl - nowa jako?? napis?w.
Napisy zosta?y specjalnie dopasowane do Twojej wersji filmu.
That was the worst delivery ever.
Never go to a planet
called "Cannibalon. "
That's right. Food was good, though.
- Great news, everyone-
- Shove it! We quit!
Then I'll have to hire a new crew
to go on our company vacation.
- Vacation?
- All right!
Great! I haven't had time off
since I was 21 through 24.
It's my way of thanking you for not
reporting my countless violations...
- ...of safety and minimum-wage laws.
- Aw, you!
I've booked us on the
maiden voyage of the largest...
...most luxurious space cruise ship
ever built. The Titanic!
Looks nice.
A Flight to Remember
Hey, where's my suitcase?
As mayor of New New York,
it's my pleasure to introduce...
...the honorary captain
for the Titanic's maiden voyage.
A man who single-handedly defeated
the Retiree People...
...of the Assisted Living Nebula:
Zapp Brannigan!
God, not Zapp Brannigan!
- You know Zapp Brannigan?
- Let's just say we've crossed paths.
Before or after you slept with him?
She's a beautiful ship.
Shapely, seductive.
I'm gonna fly her brains out.
And now, without further adieu...
...I christen this ship Titanic.
Ooh!
Well, well, well! The Lady Leela.
Take notes, Kif.
You're about to witness
the subtle waltz known as seduction.
So! Trapped on a ship with me.
What say you and I knock
some very sensual boots?
It's tempting,
but I have a fianc? now.
Him! Fry, darling,
meet Zapp Brannigan.
Huh? Ooh!
How do you do?
Ah, here's my stateroom.
Where is it? Come on!
Oh!
Hermes, you and Labarbara
have the suite through there.
Dr. Zoidberg, your marble tank
is on the other side.
First class seems nice.
It'll seem even nicer
once you've seen your room.
We're on the Fiesta Deck.
This is it.
At least we get a window.
I'm tired of this room
and everyone in it.
Excuse me. I'm gonna pop over
to the casino for the next 135 hours.
I think I'll go fill up on bisque
at the buffet.
That just leaves you
and your fake fianc?...
...all alone on a romantic cruise.
- Take it off or I'll break it off.
- Okay!
Captain's inspection.
Mm-hm.
I'm betting it all!
Come on! Baby needs
a new pair of feet!
Snake eyes.
My cheating unit malfunctioned!
You gotta give me a do-over.
Sorry, the house limit is
three do-overs. Next shooter.
Give me your biggest, strongest,
cheapest drink.
You got it.
Allow me to introduce myself.
I'm Bender.
Charmed. I'm the Countess de la Roca.
I was surprised to see another robot
in first class. Most are laborers.
I assure you, I barely know
the meaning of the word "labor. "
- Oh, Mr. Bender.
- Please, call me Bender.
Oh, well, goodness. I don't....
- Kif, I'm feeling the captain's itch.
- I'll get the powder.
The itch for adventure.
Let's change course.
It's a leisure cruise.
Our path was set by the travel agency.
That's for schoolgirls.
Here's a route with chest hair.
Directly through a swarm of comets?
Yes, comets. The icebergs of the sky.
By jackknifing across
at breakneck speed...
...we might just get some kind
of gravity boost or something.
It's time to shove a jalapeno
up this ship's tailpipe.
Divert power from the shields.
Full speed ahead.
Oh, yeah-
- Amy! Hello!
- Mom, Dad?! What are you doing here?
We were enjoying a relaxing vacation.
Since you're here, we must meddle.
- We met a nice boy in the next cabin.
- He's not very ugly.
You should marry him. Or use him
to conceive a grandchild for us.
There he is at the buffet.
He seems really nice,
but I already have a boyfriend.
Where is he?
And why isn't he here right now,
fathering our grandchild?
Our accommodations aren't great.
But it sure is beautiful here.
It's romantic- I mean, platonic.
That sure is one platonic view.
Fry, just be quiet.
I'm beginning to think this whole
fake fianc? thing was a terrible-
Hm? Mmm.
Perhaps this is an awkward time.
If it doesn't work out
with this pipsqueak...
...I want you to know I'll be there
to score you on the rebound.
Look, before you get any crazy ideas,
that was for Zapp.
- Well, you got anything else for him?
- Can we try not to complicate this?
Mom, Dad, I'd like you
to meet Fry, my boyfriend.
Hm? Mmm.
See you later, wuvums.
It would have been nice to know
you're dating Amy.
I'm not. It's to fool her parents.
- Hey, you're not jealous, are you?
- What? No, of course not.
I consider my fake relationship
with you more meaningful.
Mind if I freshen up before we go out?
I was just about to suggest
the same thing.
Mmm.
Pay dirt!
Lovely, isn't it?
Yeah. But only 93 percent
as lovely as you.
Either that was a computing error or
you're the most romantic robot ever.
I don't get it, iZac.
The bracelet had a diamond
the size of a raccoon's brain.
- Why couldn't I steal it?
- It's obvious. You're in love.
It's true.
But we're star-crossed robots!
She, a countess built
with a silver spoon in her mouth...
...and me, just a regular honest Joe.
- You gonna pay for those?
- Hell, no.
Security to bar area.
Security to bar area.
Fellas, please! I'm in love.
Rough him up.
What are you doing?
This penniless chump
was stealing drinks.
I see. Here you are, sir.
Keep the change.
You got it!
- Go, professor!
- Lean back more.
Ow!
You could out-limbo
all of these people!
Don't be a dog heart, woman. You know
I can't. Not after what happened.
Now limboing for the Earth
team, Hermes Conrad.
You're my hero, Hermes!
I'm gonna be just like you!
No, boy, stop! It's too low!
Your backbone can't take it!
I'm just like Hermes!
I'm just like-
No!
You don't have to limbo
if you don't want.
It doesn't make you any less of a man.
- Though it did get me some action.
- I like a man who's flexible.
Attention!
As captain of this ship...
...the burden of naming the limbo
winner is mine, and mine alone.
Shouldn't you be steering?
And the winner is....
Leela!
But I didn't limbo.
No matter. I know from personal
experience how horizontal you can get.
As a reward, you and that hair-pile...
...are invited to dine
at the captain's table tonight.
Whoo!
Well, now you know.
I'm not actually rich.
I'm a fraud.
A poor, lazy, sexy fraud.
This isn't even a real bow tie.
It's magnetic.
I don't care if you have money.
I love your artificial intelligence
and sincerity simulator.
You do? Really?
I like your style, Fry.
You remind me of a young me.
Not much younger.
Perhaps even a couple years older.
- Thank you.
- As a gentleman, I warn you:
If you even glance
at another woman...
...I'll be all over Leela like a fly
on a pile of very seductive manure.
- Leela's the only girl for me.
- Hey, Fry.
- Amy!
- Leela!
The family Wong.
Our party is complete.
What'll we do? He can't pretend
to be both our boyfriends.
I learned how to handle
delicate situations...
...from a show called Three's Company.
I'd like to toast the happy couple.
Down the hatch.
- Hear, hear! Now, let's have a kiss!
- Yes, Fry. Plant one on your woman.
Let me think.
Come and knock on our door
Mr. Roper....
- What's the holdup? Kiss Amy!
- I'm confused.
Tell me, which one of these ladies
are you involved with?
- May I have a word with you?
- No!
- It's an emergency, sir.
- Come back when it's a catastrophe.
Oh, very well.
Well, with Zapp gone
and my parents still here...
...I suggest Fry give me
a nice, convincing kiss.
Now there's something
we can all enjoy.
- Sir, remember your course correction?
- No.
It's proving more suicidal
than we'd hoped.
I don't know which disgusts me more,
your cowardice or stupidity.
We'll set a new course
for that region...
...near that black-ish hole-ish thing.
- Why'd you run off from dinner?
- I didn't run off.
I had time to finish eating
while you were kissing Amy.
I'm not interested in her,
if that's bothering you.
Are you sure? I mean,
she has two eyes. You have two eyes.
We seem like a perfect match.
But I don't feel that way about her.
Nice nebula.
Yeah.
Looks like everybody's got somebody.
Except me.
And me.
What was that?
My God! We're heading
into a black hole!
Talk about a mood killer.
Don't blame yourself.
We were doomed from the start.
Now the captain must go down
with the ship.
- That's surprisingly noble of you.
- No, it's noble of you.
As of now, you're in command.
Congratulations, captain.
Okay. We just have to get from here
to the escape pods.
- I'm too young to die!
- Come on, before it's too late!
You all go!
I'm gonna take one last look around.
You know, for stuff to steal.
- You're going back for the countess.
- Yes, I am.
Don't tell the others.
If I don't return,
say I died robbing some old man.
I'll say you died prying
the ring off his dead finger.
I love you, buddy!
Countess! Countess!
Bender!
- I fell through the deck!
- Are you hurt, my sweet?
- No, luckily a family broke my fall.
- Just hang on!
I'll take care of that fire!
You risked your life to save me!
And I'd do it again!
And perhaps a third time!
But that would be it.
When we kiss, I feel like
I'm standing waist-deep...
...in a pool of cold, rising water.
Hurry! The escape pods
should be just ahead.
Faster!
It won't move.
The door release is on the other side.
No one could squeeze under there.
No one, except a legendary
limbo champion!
Oh, Hermes!
It's been a while.
This one is for that little kid
limboing in heaven now.
That's my man! All right, limbo.
I still got the moves!
Zoidberg, lower the door another inch.
- Just go hit the release, you hot dog.
- Yes, dear.
- That's my man.
- Yay, Hermes!
Can somebody help me up?
- Now what do we do?
- Wait a second.
- Aren't you in the yacht club?
- You're right!
I'm a class-three yacht!
Thank God there are plenty
of escape pods.
We needn't dress up
like women and children.
We can't leave yet.
We gotta wait for Bender.
The high gravity
must slow down his looting.
- Mom! Dad! You're alive!
- Yeah, but so what?
- More importantly, we found you a man.
- A captain.
Mom, I don't-
- Hi.
- Hello.
I don't feel well.
Look, it's our nebula.
When I see it, I'll think back
to that moment when we almost-
Never mind.
Everyone else is off the ship.
Where is Bender?
I don't know.
But we can't wait any longer.
Goodbye, Bender.
Wait for us!
Something's wrong.
We're two tons overweight.
- Well, it's not me.
- Look!
I'm slipping! The pull is too strong!
I can't live without you!
If you let go, I let go.
No, you have too much to live for.
It may hurt for a while,
but you'll share your love again.
After all, it's shareware.
Don't talk like that. Tragic romances
always have a happy ending.
Farewell!
No.
She's gone.
But she saved all our lives. Without
her, we're light enough to get away.
Don't cry. Nobody knows
what happens in a black hole.
It's possible she's alive
in another dimension, right?
Oh, yes. Absolutely.
Not a chance.
At least I'll always
have her bracelet.
What do you think it's worth?
It's fake, man.
Subtitles by
SDI Media Group
www.NapiProjekt.pl - nowa jako?? napis?w.
Napisy zosta?y specjalnie dopasowane do Twojej wersji filmu.
Napisy zosta?y specjalnie dopasowane do Twojej wersji filmu.
That was the worst delivery ever.
Never go to a planet
called "Cannibalon. "
That's right. Food was good, though.
- Great news, everyone-
- Shove it! We quit!
Then I'll have to hire a new crew
to go on our company vacation.
- Vacation?
- All right!
Great! I haven't had time off
since I was 21 through 24.
It's my way of thanking you for not
reporting my countless violations...
- ...of safety and minimum-wage laws.
- Aw, you!
I've booked us on the
maiden voyage of the largest...
...most luxurious space cruise ship
ever built. The Titanic!
Looks nice.
A Flight to Remember
Hey, where's my suitcase?
As mayor of New New York,
it's my pleasure to introduce...
...the honorary captain
for the Titanic's maiden voyage.
A man who single-handedly defeated
the Retiree People...
...of the Assisted Living Nebula:
Zapp Brannigan!
God, not Zapp Brannigan!
- You know Zapp Brannigan?
- Let's just say we've crossed paths.
Before or after you slept with him?
She's a beautiful ship.
Shapely, seductive.
I'm gonna fly her brains out.
And now, without further adieu...
...I christen this ship Titanic.
Ooh!
Well, well, well! The Lady Leela.
Take notes, Kif.
You're about to witness
the subtle waltz known as seduction.
So! Trapped on a ship with me.
What say you and I knock
some very sensual boots?
It's tempting,
but I have a fianc? now.
Him! Fry, darling,
meet Zapp Brannigan.
Huh? Ooh!
How do you do?
Ah, here's my stateroom.
Where is it? Come on!
Oh!
Hermes, you and Labarbara
have the suite through there.
Dr. Zoidberg, your marble tank
is on the other side.
First class seems nice.
It'll seem even nicer
once you've seen your room.
We're on the Fiesta Deck.
This is it.
At least we get a window.
I'm tired of this room
and everyone in it.
Excuse me. I'm gonna pop over
to the casino for the next 135 hours.
I think I'll go fill up on bisque
at the buffet.
That just leaves you
and your fake fianc?...
...all alone on a romantic cruise.
- Take it off or I'll break it off.
- Okay!
Captain's inspection.
Mm-hm.
I'm betting it all!
Come on! Baby needs
a new pair of feet!
Snake eyes.
My cheating unit malfunctioned!
You gotta give me a do-over.
Sorry, the house limit is
three do-overs. Next shooter.
Give me your biggest, strongest,
cheapest drink.
You got it.
Allow me to introduce myself.
I'm Bender.
Charmed. I'm the Countess de la Roca.
I was surprised to see another robot
in first class. Most are laborers.
I assure you, I barely know
the meaning of the word "labor. "
- Oh, Mr. Bender.
- Please, call me Bender.
Oh, well, goodness. I don't....
- Kif, I'm feeling the captain's itch.
- I'll get the powder.
The itch for adventure.
Let's change course.
It's a leisure cruise.
Our path was set by the travel agency.
That's for schoolgirls.
Here's a route with chest hair.
Directly through a swarm of comets?
Yes, comets. The icebergs of the sky.
By jackknifing across
at breakneck speed...
...we might just get some kind
of gravity boost or something.
It's time to shove a jalapeno
up this ship's tailpipe.
Divert power from the shields.
Full speed ahead.
Oh, yeah-
- Amy! Hello!
- Mom, Dad?! What are you doing here?
We were enjoying a relaxing vacation.
Since you're here, we must meddle.
- We met a nice boy in the next cabin.
- He's not very ugly.
You should marry him. Or use him
to conceive a grandchild for us.
There he is at the buffet.
He seems really nice,
but I already have a boyfriend.
Where is he?
And why isn't he here right now,
fathering our grandchild?
Our accommodations aren't great.
But it sure is beautiful here.
It's romantic- I mean, platonic.
That sure is one platonic view.
Fry, just be quiet.
I'm beginning to think this whole
fake fianc? thing was a terrible-
Hm? Mmm.
Perhaps this is an awkward time.
If it doesn't work out
with this pipsqueak...
...I want you to know I'll be there
to score you on the rebound.
Look, before you get any crazy ideas,
that was for Zapp.
- Well, you got anything else for him?
- Can we try not to complicate this?
Mom, Dad, I'd like you
to meet Fry, my boyfriend.
Hm? Mmm.
See you later, wuvums.
It would have been nice to know
you're dating Amy.
I'm not. It's to fool her parents.
- Hey, you're not jealous, are you?
- What? No, of course not.
I consider my fake relationship
with you more meaningful.
Mind if I freshen up before we go out?
I was just about to suggest
the same thing.
Mmm.
Pay dirt!
Lovely, isn't it?
Yeah. But only 93 percent
as lovely as you.
Either that was a computing error or
you're the most romantic robot ever.
I don't get it, iZac.
The bracelet had a diamond
the size of a raccoon's brain.
- Why couldn't I steal it?
- It's obvious. You're in love.
It's true.
But we're star-crossed robots!
She, a countess built
with a silver spoon in her mouth...
...and me, just a regular honest Joe.
- You gonna pay for those?
- Hell, no.
Security to bar area.
Security to bar area.
Fellas, please! I'm in love.
Rough him up.
What are you doing?
This penniless chump
was stealing drinks.
I see. Here you are, sir.
Keep the change.
You got it!
- Go, professor!
- Lean back more.
Ow!
You could out-limbo
all of these people!
Don't be a dog heart, woman. You know
I can't. Not after what happened.
Now limboing for the Earth
team, Hermes Conrad.
You're my hero, Hermes!
I'm gonna be just like you!
No, boy, stop! It's too low!
Your backbone can't take it!
I'm just like Hermes!
I'm just like-
No!
You don't have to limbo
if you don't want.
It doesn't make you any less of a man.
- Though it did get me some action.
- I like a man who's flexible.
Attention!
As captain of this ship...
...the burden of naming the limbo
winner is mine, and mine alone.
Shouldn't you be steering?
And the winner is....
Leela!
But I didn't limbo.
No matter. I know from personal
experience how horizontal you can get.
As a reward, you and that hair-pile...
...are invited to dine
at the captain's table tonight.
Whoo!
Well, now you know.
I'm not actually rich.
I'm a fraud.
A poor, lazy, sexy fraud.
This isn't even a real bow tie.
It's magnetic.
I don't care if you have money.
I love your artificial intelligence
and sincerity simulator.
You do? Really?
I like your style, Fry.
You remind me of a young me.
Not much younger.
Perhaps even a couple years older.
- Thank you.
- As a gentleman, I warn you:
If you even glance
at another woman...
...I'll be all over Leela like a fly
on a pile of very seductive manure.
- Leela's the only girl for me.
- Hey, Fry.
- Amy!
- Leela!
The family Wong.
Our party is complete.
What'll we do? He can't pretend
to be both our boyfriends.
I learned how to handle
delicate situations...
...from a show called Three's Company.
I'd like to toast the happy couple.
Down the hatch.
- Hear, hear! Now, let's have a kiss!
- Yes, Fry. Plant one on your woman.
Let me think.
Come and knock on our door
Mr. Roper....
- What's the holdup? Kiss Amy!
- I'm confused.
Tell me, which one of these ladies
are you involved with?
- May I have a word with you?
- No!
- It's an emergency, sir.
- Come back when it's a catastrophe.
Oh, very well.
Well, with Zapp gone
and my parents still here...
...I suggest Fry give me
a nice, convincing kiss.
Now there's something
we can all enjoy.
- Sir, remember your course correction?
- No.
It's proving more suicidal
than we'd hoped.
I don't know which disgusts me more,
your cowardice or stupidity.
We'll set a new course
for that region...
...near that black-ish hole-ish thing.
- Why'd you run off from dinner?
- I didn't run off.
I had time to finish eating
while you were kissing Amy.
I'm not interested in her,
if that's bothering you.
Are you sure? I mean,
she has two eyes. You have two eyes.
We seem like a perfect match.
But I don't feel that way about her.
Nice nebula.
Yeah.
Looks like everybody's got somebody.
Except me.
And me.
What was that?
My God! We're heading
into a black hole!
Talk about a mood killer.
Don't blame yourself.
We were doomed from the start.
Now the captain must go down
with the ship.
- That's surprisingly noble of you.
- No, it's noble of you.
As of now, you're in command.
Congratulations, captain.
Okay. We just have to get from here
to the escape pods.
- I'm too young to die!
- Come on, before it's too late!
You all go!
I'm gonna take one last look around.
You know, for stuff to steal.
- You're going back for the countess.
- Yes, I am.
Don't tell the others.
If I don't return,
say I died robbing some old man.
I'll say you died prying
the ring off his dead finger.
I love you, buddy!
Countess! Countess!
Bender!
- I fell through the deck!
- Are you hurt, my sweet?
- No, luckily a family broke my fall.
- Just hang on!
I'll take care of that fire!
You risked your life to save me!
And I'd do it again!
And perhaps a third time!
But that would be it.
When we kiss, I feel like
I'm standing waist-deep...
...in a pool of cold, rising water.
Hurry! The escape pods
should be just ahead.
Faster!
It won't move.
The door release is on the other side.
No one could squeeze under there.
No one, except a legendary
limbo champion!
Oh, Hermes!
It's been a while.
This one is for that little kid
limboing in heaven now.
That's my man! All right, limbo.
I still got the moves!
Zoidberg, lower the door another inch.
- Just go hit the release, you hot dog.
- Yes, dear.
- That's my man.
- Yay, Hermes!
Can somebody help me up?
- Now what do we do?
- Wait a second.
- Aren't you in the yacht club?
- You're right!
I'm a class-three yacht!
Thank God there are plenty
of escape pods.
We needn't dress up
like women and children.
We can't leave yet.
We gotta wait for Bender.
The high gravity
must slow down his looting.
- Mom! Dad! You're alive!
- Yeah, but so what?
- More importantly, we found you a man.
- A captain.
Mom, I don't-
- Hi.
- Hello.
I don't feel well.
Look, it's our nebula.
When I see it, I'll think back
to that moment when we almost-
Never mind.
Everyone else is off the ship.
Where is Bender?
I don't know.
But we can't wait any longer.
Goodbye, Bender.
Wait for us!
Something's wrong.
We're two tons overweight.
- Well, it's not me.
- Look!
I'm slipping! The pull is too strong!
I can't live without you!
If you let go, I let go.
No, you have too much to live for.
It may hurt for a while,
but you'll share your love again.
After all, it's shareware.
Don't talk like that. Tragic romances
always have a happy ending.
Farewell!
No.
She's gone.
But she saved all our lives. Without
her, we're light enough to get away.
Don't cry. Nobody knows
what happens in a black hole.
It's possible she's alive
in another dimension, right?
Oh, yes. Absolutely.
Not a chance.
At least I'll always
have her bracelet.
What do you think it's worth?
It's fake, man.
Subtitles by
SDI Media Group
www.NapiProjekt.pl - nowa jako?? napis?w.
Napisy zosta?y specjalnie dopasowane do Twojej wersji filmu.