Full House (1987–1995): Season 4, Episode 24 - Girls Just Wanna Have Fun - full transcript

NOT BAD. PLAY THE PIANO.

ALL RIGHT.

HOW'S THIS?

NOW PLAY THE SAXOPHONE.

OKAY.

[SQUEAK]

YOU NEED MUSIC LESSONS.

[SQUEAK SQUEAK]

♪ WHATEVER HAPPENED
TO PREDICTABILITY ♪

♪ THE MILKMAN, THE PAPER BOY ♪

♪ EVENIN' TV ♪



♪ HOW DID I GET DELIVERED HERE ♪

♪ SOMEBODY TELL ME, PLEASE ♪

♪ THIS OLD WORLD'S
CONFUSIN' ME ♪

♪ CLOUDS AS MEAN
AS YOU'VE EVER SEEN ♪

♪ AIN'T A BIRD WHO
KNOWS YOUR TUNE ♪

♪ THEN A LITTLE VOICE
INSIDE YOU WHISPERS ♪

♪ KID, DON'T SELL YOUR
DREAMS SO SOON ♪

♪ EVERYWHERE YOU LOOK ♪

♪ EVERYWHERE YOU LOOK ♪

♪ THERE'S A HEART ♪

♪ THERE'S A HEART ♪

♪ A HAND TO HOLD ONTO ♪

♪ EVERYWHERE YOU LOOK ♪

♪ EVERYWHERE YOU LOOK ♪



♪ THERE'S A FACE OF
SOMEBODY WHO NEEDS YOU ♪

♪ EVERYWHERE YOU LOOK ♪

♪ WHEN YOU'RE LOST OUT THERE ♪

♪ AND YOU'RE ALL ALONE ♪

♪ A LIGHT IS WAITIN' ♪

♪ TO CARRY YOU HOME ♪

♪ EVERYWHERE YOU LOOK ♪

♪ EVERYWHERE YOU LOOK ♪

♪ DO BE DO BA BA DA ♪♪

CAPTIONING MADE
POSSIBLE BY WARNER BROS.

GUYS HAVE NO IDEA THAT NATURAL
BEAUTY TAKES SO MUCH HARD WORK.

WELL, SOME GUYS DO.

THIS MORNING,

YOUR UNCLE JESSE SPENT
47 MINUTES IN THE BATHROOM

FIXING HIS HAIR.

HE SPRAYED IT, HE
MOUSSED IT, HE GELLED IT.

I THINK HE EVEN
USED MY HOT ROLLERS.

THERE. OK. DONE.

THANKS, AUNT BECKY.

UH-OH. I HAVE TO BE OUT
OF HERE IN 10 MINUTES.

WAIT. I HAVE A BETTER IDEA.

FOLLOW ME.

OK. GIVE ME YOUR FEET.

OH, YOU'RE A GENIUS.
THIS WORKS GREAT.

DEEJ, YOU MUST HAVE
REALLY HAIRY FEET.

IT'S FOR MY NAIL POLISH.

IS EVERYTHING SET
UP FOR TONIGHT?

ARE YOU SURE YOU
WANT TO TALK ABOUT THIS

IN FRONT OF THE A-D-U-L-T?

IT'S TIMES LIKE THIS

I SURE WISH I KNEW HOW TO SPELL.

KIMMY, YOU DON'T HAVE TO
HIDE ANYTHING FROM AUNT BECKY.

SHE'S LIKE MY BIG SISTER.

YEAH. YOU CAN TELL ME ANYTHING.

OK. HERE'S THE PLAN.

I START BABYSITTING AT 7:00.

I'LL HAVE THE
KID IN BED BY 7:02.

PERFECT. AND THE
GUYS ARE COMING AT 7:10.

AUNT BECKY, THERE'S THIS
REALLY CUTE GUY NAMED RYAN

IN MY BIOLOGY CLASS,

AND WE SHARE THE
SAME MICROSCOPE.

THEY MET OVER A
DROP OF POND SCUM.

IT GETS BETTER. I
INVITED RYAN OVER

TO STUDY FOR FINALS WITH US.

HE'S EVEN BRINGING
A FRIEND FOR KIMMY.

DEEJ, HOW DOES YOUR DAD FEEL

ABOUT YOU INVITING BOYS OVER

TO A HOUSE WITHOUT ANY ADULTS?

WELL, DAD FEELS FINE

BECAUSE DAD DOESN'T KNOW.

YOU WON'T SAY
ANYTHING, WILL YOU?

NO, I GUESS NOT.

THANKS, AUNT BECKY.
YOU'RE WELCOME.

HEY, HAVE YOU GUYS SEEN JOEY?

UH-UH.

BOY, UNCLE JESSE,

YOU'RE HAVING A
REALLY GOOD HAIR DAY.

REALLY?

YEAH. I GUESS I AM.

IT'S FUNNY, TOO BECAUSE I
JUST WOKE UP THIS MORNING

AND RAN MY FINGERS THROUGH IT.

JUST BLESSED, I GUESS.

HURRY, HURRY!
COMET'S HAVING PUPPIES!

WHAT?

COMET'S HAVING PUPPIES?

WAIT A SECOND.

COMET IS A BOY.

♪ HA HA HA HA HA ♪

♪ I FOOLED YOU ♪♪

MICHELLE, SIT DOWN.

LET ME TELL YOU A STORY

ABOUT A LITTLE GIRL WHO
WAS WATCHING SHEEP,

AND SHE LIKED TO FOOL
PEOPLE BY CRYING WOLF.

BUT THEN, THE REAL WOLF
CAME, NOBODY BELIEVED HER.

OK. TELL ME THE STORY.

I JUST DID.

NO ONCE UPON A TIME?

NO HAPPY EVER AFTER?

DUMB STORY.

WHY DO I BOTHER?

WELL, HERE IT IS, BOYS...

THE NEWEST ADDITION TO
OUR PRODUCTION COMPANY.

TA-DA!

HA! A POOL TABLE.

ALL RIGHT, JOSEPH. NOW
THIS IS A REAL OFFICE.

ALL WE GOT TO DO NOW
IS GET RID OF THE DESK

AND MAKE ROOM
FOR THE WATER SLIDE.

IT JUST SO HAPPENS

I RENTED THIS POOL TABLE
TO ENHANCE OUR CREATIVITY.

JESS, YOU KNOW HOW SOMETIMES
WE GET STUCK FOR AN IDEA,

WHAT DO WE USUALLY DO?

THROW SPITWADS AT EACH OTHER.

NOT ANY MORE. FROM
NOW ON, WE PLAY POOL,

BUT IT'S ONLY TO BE USED
IN THOSE RARE MOMENTS

WHEN WE'RE STUCK FOR AN IDEA.

RIGHT.

ALL RIGHT. WELL, LET'S
GET SOME WORK DONE.

I'M STUCK.

ME, TOO. RACK 'EM UP.

DO YOU GUYS MIND IF I PLAY, TOO?

AW, ISN'T THAT CUTE?

DANNY WANTS TO PLAY
POOL WITH THE BIG BOYS.

DANIEL, POOL IS A GAME

OF SKILL, NERVE,
AND COORDINATION.

YOU KEEP SCORE.

OH, BOY. DO I GET
CHALK AND EVERYTHING?

YES. THESE ARE
THE COLORED BALLS.

THESE ARE THE POCKETS.

WHEN WE GET ONE OF THE
COLORED BALLS INTO THE POCKET,

YOU RUN OVER
HERE... COME HERE...

PUT A LITTLE LINE LIKE
THAT. JUST LIKE THAT.

OKAY? THERE YOU GO.
THERE'S YOUR CHALK.

OOH, THANKS. THIS IS MUCH
MORE FUN THAN PLAYING.

DADDY, COME HERE! HURRY UP!

COMING, MICHELLE. BE
RIGHT BACK. I'M COMING!

WHAT IS IT, MICHELLE?
ARE YOU ALL RIGHT?

THERE'S A MOUSE OVER THERE

AND HE HAS BIG TEETH LIKE THIS.

A MOUSE?

BUT THERE'S NO
CRUMBS ON MY FLOOR.

THAT'S COMMON KNOWLEDGE
IN THE RODENT WORLD.

DAD?

WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

OH. MICHELLE SAW A MOUSE.

OH, YEAH? WAS IT HAVING PUPPIES?

♪ HA HA HA HA HA ♪

♪ I FOOLED YOU ♪♪

MICHELLE, IT'S NOT NICE

TO TRY AND FOOL
YOUR DAD LIKE THAT.

I TOLD HER THE STORY ABOUT
THE LITTLE GIRL WHO CRIED WOLF.

I DIDN'T CRY WOLF.
I CRIED MOUSE.

♪ HA HA HA HA HA ♪

MICHELLE, THAT'S
REALLY NOT FUNNY.

HI, DAD. BYE, DAD.

I'LL BE BABYSITTING WITH KIMMY.

WHOA, WHOA. D.J. YOUR
BIOLOGY FINAL IS MONDAY.

RELAXEZ-VOUS, MR. T.

SHE'LL BE STUDYING WITH ME.

THAT'S TRES REASSURING.

HEY. I KNOW BIOLOGY.

THEY MADE ME TAKE IT TWICE.

D.J., YOU'RE STUDYING
IN YOUR ROOM TONIGHT.

BUT DAD, WE HAD
THIS ALL PLANNED.

YOU DIDN'T PLAN IT WITH ME.

BECKY, DON'T YOU THINK
MY DAD'S BEING UNFAIR?

DEEJ, EVEN IF I DID
AGREE WITH YOU,

IT'S REALLY NOT MY PLACE...

BECKY AGREES WITH ME.

THAT'S NOT WHAT SHE
JUST SAID. IS IT, BECKY?

WELL, NO. NOT EXACTLY.
WHAT I MEANT WAS...

SEE, DEEJ? SHE AGREES WITH ME.

I'M JUST GOING TO
GO WAIT OVER THERE.

D.J., MY POINT IS,

IT'S VERY IMPORTANT
TO GET GOOD GRADES.

THERE COMES A TIME
IN EVERY PERSON'S LIFE

WHEN YOU HAVE TO CHOOSE
BETWEEN EXCELLENCE

AND... LESS THAN EXCELLENCE.

THE CHOICE IS YOURS.

GREAT. I'M GOING WITH KIMMY.

OK. THE CHOICE IS MINE.

YOU'RE STUDYING IN YOUR
ROOM TONIGHT. CASE CLOSED.

AU REVOIR, KIMMY.

DEEJ, THIS IS AWFUL.

I'M GOING TO BE STUCK ALL ALONE

WITH THOSE TWO CUTE GUYS.

ALL RIGHT!

CAN YOU BELIEVE THIS?

RYAN'S GOING TO
THINK I STOOD HIM UP.

HE'S GONNA HATE ME FOREVER.

CALL HIM AND TELL
HIM WHAT HAPPENED.

IT'S TOO LATE. HE'S
ALREADY ON HIS WAY.

I HAVE TO EXPLAIN
THIS IN PERSON.

IF YOU SAW HOW CUTE HE WAS,

YOU'D WANT TO EXPLAIN
THIS IN PERSON, TOO.

CAN YOU COVER FOR ME?

OH, DEEJ, YOUR DAD SAID NO.

COME ON, BECKY. PLEASE?

I'LL ONLY BE 10
MINUTES. I PROMISE.

YOU SAID WE WERE FRIENDS.

ALL RIGHT. 10 MINUTES.

THANKS, BECKY. YOU'RE THE BEST.

GO! BE BACK IN 10 MINUTES,

OR YOU'RE IN BIG TROUBLE.

AND SO AM I.

[DOORBELL RINGS]

HI.

DEEJ.

THE WARDEN LET YOU OUT?

NOT EXACTLY.

MY DAD THINKS I'M IN
MY ROOM STUDYING,

BUT BECKY'S GONNA COVER FOR ME.

I ONLY HAVE 10 MINUTES.
I HOPE RYAN'S NOT LATE.

I WONDER WHO HE'S
BRINGING FOR ME.

I DON'T KNOW, BUT RYAN SAID
HE WAS DEFINITELY YOUR TYPE.

EXCELLENT. THAT MEANS HE'S 6'2",

DRIVES A RED LAMBORGHINI,

AND KNOWS HOW TO MAKE
ME FEEL LIKE A WOMAN.

PARTY! PARTY!

WHAT ARE YOU DOING UP?

I WANT TO WATCH ARACHNOPHOBIA.

AARON, I KNOW YOU
CAN'T TELL TIME YET,

BUT IT'S WAY PAST YOUR BEDTIME.

LIAR!

I LEARNED HOW TO
TELL TIME LAST WEEK!

IT'S ONLY...

7:05.

OKAY, AARON. YOU
LEAVE ME NO CHOICE

BUT TO SING YOU ANOTHER LULLABY.

NO! PLEASE!

ROCKABYE BABY, ON THE TREE TOP!

MY EARS! MY EARS!

WHEN THE WIND BLOWS,
THE CRADLE WILL ROCK!

[DOORBELL RINGS]

IT'S THE GUYS.

I'VE ONLY GOT EIGHT MINUTES

TO START A DEEP, MEANINGFUL
RELATIONSHIP WITH RYAN.

HI, RYAN.

HI, GIBBLER.

HEY, DEEJ.

YOU LOOK DIFFERENT
OUTSIDE OF SCHOOL.

I MEAN, YOU LOOK REALLY PRETTY.

THANKS. YOU LOOK
REALLY PRETTY, TOO.

I MEAN... REALLY
PRETTY MASCULINE.

WHERE IS HE? WHERE'S
THE HUNK OF MY DREAMS?

GIBBLER.

BITTERMAN?

I GUESS YOU TWO KNOW EACH OTHER.

SINCE THIRD GRADE.

HE USED TO EAT MY PASTE.

COME ON, GIBBLER.
YOU KNOW YOU LOVE ME.

EXCUSE ME WHILE I BARF.

HEY. THOSE ARE BOYS.

YOU'RE FIRED, GIBBLER.

YOU CAN'T FIRE ME. I QUIT.

KIMMY, YOU'RE
BABYSITTING. YOU CAN'T QUIT.

AARON, WHAT IF WE
LET YOU STAY UP LATE

AND WATCH ARACHNOPHOBIA
IN YOUR PARENTS' BEDROOM?

THAT'S A BRIBE!

YES, IT IS.

I LIKE BRIBES.

HEY.

WHY DON'T WE BREAK
UP INTO STUDY GROUPS?

I'LL WORK WITH D.J.

JAKE, WORK WITH GIBBLER.

THE DREAM TEAM.

SHUT OFF THE DROOL
PIPE, BITTERMAN.

THE PARTY'S OVER.
D.J.'S GOT TO GO HOME.

WHY DON'T YOU WALK HER?

I REALLY WANTED TO
HANG OUT WITH YOU.

I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU
HAVE TO GO ALREADY.

WHY WOULD I GO? I JUST GOT HERE.

KID'S STILL GOT IT. PAY
UP, FUNBOY. COME ON...

IT'S NOT WHETHER
YOU WIN OR LOSE.

IT'S HOW YOU PLAY THE GAME.

AND I STINK.

MY TURN.

DANIEL, PLEASE,

SAVE YOURSELF THE
TIME AND HUMILIATION.

JUST EMPTY YOUR
POCKETS RIGHT NOW.

COME ON, JESS. JUST ONE GAME.

I WANT TO BE ABLE TO
TELL MY GRANDCHILDREN

THAT I ACTUALLY
PLAYED "THE KID."

SO WHAT ARE YOU GUYS
PLAYING FOR, A DOLLAR A BALL?

NO. WE WERE PLAYING
FOR A QUARTER A B...

YES. WE WERE PLAYING
FOR A DOLLAR A BALL.

ALL RIGHT.

YOU BREAK 'EM..

WHAT THE HECK. WHY DON'T
WE MAKE IT 2 BUCKS A BALL.

YOU MIGHT WANNA USE
THE OTHER END OF THE STICK.

OH.

OH... NO WONDER
THEY CALL YOU THE KID.

WHOA. YOU JUST SUNK THREE BALLS.

AW, GEE. I JUST MADE SIX BUCKS.

WHAT A LUCKY START.

OK. SPLIT SHOT. 6 BALL
IN THE CORNER POCKET.

WOULD YOU LOOK AT THAT?

I JUST MADE TWO GO IN.

ONE, TWO, THREE, FOUR...

FIVE?

WELL, JESS,

THAT IS 50 BALLS
AT $2.00 A BALL.

I BELIEVE THAT'S 100
MR. WASHINGTONS.

HEY, TALK ABOUT BEGINNER'S LUCK.

YOU HUSTLED ME, MAN.

I WAS SUPPOSED
TO BE HUSTLING YOU.

I'M GLAD YOU
APPRECIATE THE IRONY.

THANK YOU.

JOEY, HERE'S $10

FOR KEEPING YOUR MOUTH SHUT.

BUY YOURSELF SOMETHING NICE.

YOU KNEW HE WAS A POOL SHARK?

HE DID GO TO COLLEGE ON
A BILLIARDS SCHOLARSHIP.

WHY DIDN'T YOU SAY SOMETHING?

BECAUSE I JUST MADE 10 BUCKS.

YOU GOT TO GIVE ME A
CHANCE TO GET EVEN.

WE'LL PLAY DARTS.

JESS, FOR ONCE IN YOUR LIFE,
CAN'T YOU JUST LOSE GRACIOUSLY.

NO. ONE DART, DOUBLE OR NOTHING.

ALL RIGHT.

20 POINTS.

HA HA.

BEAT THAT, MINNESOTA SKINNY.

OKAY.

BULL'S-EYE.

WHAT?

SORRY, JESS. I MINORED IN DARTS.

HEY. THERE'S NO RUSH TO PAY ME.

I KNOW WHERE YOU LIVE.

HOLD IT, CHUMP. YOU
AIN'T GOING NOWHERE.

I GOTTA GET EVEN HERE.
TRIPLE OR NOTHING. WE'LL...

I KNOW. WHOEVER
SPINS AROUND THIS CHAIR

THE MOST TIMES IN
10 SECONDS WINS.

JESS, THIS IS PATHETIC.

SHUT UP AND TIME ME. GO.

1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7... TIME.

EIGHT.

BEAT THAT.

JESS, ARE YOU SO DESPERATE
TO BEAT ME AT SOMETHING,

THAT YOU'D LOWER YOURSELF
TO SPINNING IN A CHAIR?

I'M NOT DOING THIS.

FORFEIT. I WIN. WE'RE
EVEN. JOEY, CATCH ME.

OKAY, MICHELLE.

ARE YOU READY FOR THE YUMMIEST,

MOST DELICIOUS BOWL
OF ROCKY ROAD ICE CREAM

YOU EVER ATE IN YOUR LIFE?

ROCKY ROAD MAKES ME CRAZY.

ALL RIGHT.

HERE COMES THE
MARSHMALLOWS, THE ALMONDS,

THE CHOCOLATE CHIPS, THE...

OH, NO! ALL THE ROCKY
ROAD ICE CREAM IS GONE!

ALL THE ICE CREAM DISAPPEARED!

CALL THE POLICE.
THIS IS AN EMERGENCY.

WHAT'S SO FUNNY?

♪ HA HA HA HA HA ♪

♪ I FOOLED YOU ♪♪

THE ICE CREAM IS
HIDDEN RIGHT OVER HERE

IN THIS DUCK.

THAT WAS A VERY MEAN TRICK.

I'M SORRY, BUT I HAD
TO TEACH YOU A LESSON.

NOW, YOU'LL NEVER FOOL
ANYONE AGAIN. RIGHT, MICHELLE?

RIGHT. NOW START SCOOPING.

HI, GIRLS.

UH, DANNY, THROUGH PLAYING POOL?

YEAH.

JOEY AND JESSE ARE DOWN THERE
SPINNING IN CHAIRS FOR QUARTERS.

I WAS KIND OF TOUGH
ON D.J. TONIGHT.

I THINK I'D BETTER
GO TALK TO HER.

NO. DON'T.

BAD IDEA.

KIDS AT THAT AGE, THEY'LL
TUNE YOU RIGHT OUT.

YOU'LL TALK AND TALK AND TALK,

AND IT'LL BE LIKE
SHE'S NOT EVEN THERE.

BECKY, DO YOU KNOW
SOMETHING I DON'T?

YES, I DO.

THE GESTATION PERIOD OF
AN ELEPHANT IS 22 MONTHS.

ACTUALLY, I KNEW THAT.

DID YOU ALSO KNOW
D.J.'S NOT UPSTAIRS?

NOW, THAT I DIDN'T KNOW.

DID SHE GO OUT WITH KIMMY
AFTER I TOLD HER NOT TO?

I'M SORRY, DANNY.

I SORT OF TOLD HER SHE COULD.

BECKY, WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT?

I WAS JUST TRYING
TO BE HER FRIEND.

AND SHE JUST NEEDED 10
MINUTES TO TALK TO RYAN,

ALTHOUGH THAT WAS
HALF AN HOUR AGO.

THERE GOES D.J.!
D.J. IS OUTSIDE?

WHERE?

MICHELLE, DIDN'T YOU JUST LEARN

NOT TO MAKE UP STORIES?

THIS TIME I MADE UP THE TRUTH.

MICHELLE, IT'S OVER. GIVE IT UP.

THERE SHE GOES AGAIN!

THAT IS D.J.

I'M WAITING.

OK. I'M SORRY.

I LOVE TO BE RIGHT.

I THINK I'M GONNA GO HAVE THAT
LITTLE TALK WITH D.J. RIGHT NOW.

HELLO, HONEY.

OH, HI, DAD.

I WAS JUST COMING
DOWNSTAIRS TO STUDY.

THE LIGHTING'S SO MUCH BETTER.

D.J., I KNOW WHAT
YOU'VE BEEN UP TO.

EXACTLY HOW MUCH DO YOU KNOW?

LYING, SNEAKING
OUT, MEETING BOYS.

DAD, WHERE DID WE
GO WRONG WITH HER?

I KNOW, I KNOW. I'M OUT OF HERE.

BECKY, YOU TOLD ON ME?

DEEJ, WHY DON'T YOU GO ON UP TO
YOUR ROOM AND GET COMFORTABLE.

YOU'RE GOING TO BE
THERE FOR A WHILE.

I THOUGHT YOU WERE MY FRIEND.

DEEJ, WAIT.

DANNY, LET ME TALK TO HER.

OK. BUT I'M NEXT.

BECKY, DON'T BE SO
HARD ON YOURSELF.

WHEN TEENAGERS
REALLY WANT SOMETHING,

THEY HAVE A WAY OF
BREAKING US DOWN.

I'LL GET STRONGER,
DANNY. I PROMISE.

[KNOCK ON DOOR]

WHAT?

DEEJ...

YOU AND I NEED TO TALK.

ABOUT WHAT?

ABOUT WHAT HAPPENED.

YOU KNOW, DEEJ,

YOU PROMISED YOU'D COME
HOME IN 10 MINUTES AND YOU DIDN'T.

YOU PROMISED THAT YOU
WOULDN'T TELL MY DAD.

D.J., YOU TOOK ADVANTAGE
OF OUR FRIENDSHIP.

I GUESS I DID.

BUT RYAN AND I WERE
REALLY GETTING ALONG.

I FIGURED YOU'D COVER FOR ME.

HONEY, I LOVE YOU,

AND I LOVE THAT WE CAN
SPEND TIME TOGETHER

AND THAT WE CAN SHARE SECRETS,

BUT NOW THAT I'M LIVING HERE,

I'M AFRAID THERE ARE TIMES WHEN I'M
GONNA HAVE TO BE A RESPONSIBLE ADULT.

IT'S A FLAW IN ME
YOU'LL HAVE TO ACCEPT.

WELL, NOBODY'S PERFECT.

I'M REALLY SORRY, AUNT BECKY.

I'M SORRY, TOO.

I THINK I'D BETTER GO DOWNSTAIRS

AND APOLOGIZE TO DAD.

OH, WAIT. ONE QUESTION.

HOW DID IT GO TONIGHT WITH RYAN?

WELL, ONCE KIMMY LOCKED
BITTERMAN IN THE CLOSET,

IT WAS SMOOTH SAILING.

DID YOU GET ANY STUDYING DONE?

YEAH, I STUDIED...

STUDIED HIS EYES, HIS HAIR,

HIS CUTE LITTLE DIMPLES.

TOO BAD THAT STUFF'S
NOT ON THE TEST.

IT IS TOO BAD.

YOU'RE NOT GOING TO DO VERY WELL

IF YOU DON'T HIT THOSE BOOKS.

CAPTIONING MADE
POSSIBLE BY WARNER BROS.