From Here on OUT (2014–…): Season 1, Episode 6 - The Rub Down - full transcript

The OUT magazine cover is lost when megastar Eric Mutos comes out as gay friendly. Dottie pauses her feud with Divina to pull scoop from Rico that he's done more than just clean the star's pool. Now Jimmy has new way to save the show.

(music)

You're offering me an

acting job?
If you're available this week

here's my card!
May I suggest you

try self-deportation *gasp *

doesn't Here TV own

Out? Can't you make the editor
give us the cover?

Darren's gonna interview you two

Did you ever have any
suspicions that Sam

might be gay?
Well I never had to hum any show

tunes if that's what you mean



you'd think he'd have the
decency to call

so I don't find out about his
Showmance

from some reporter!
He sits beside me

on the tennis court writing
while I

run around naked, playing tennis.
Balls are

flying everywhere!

*birds chirping *

hm

MAybe we should just go ahead
and take the picture?

That would NOT be a good

idea... Oh. Okay.

The Tennis court

motif is FANTASTIC

Yes, we do this all



the time, aheh

Sam. I need you to lose

the robe!

And now lets lose the

cover of the racket

Naked Tennis was your idea...

Sam I need you to hold the

racket like you're ready to
play!

Now, step out from

behind Jimmy

more...

more!

But my junk will show!

Jimmy please, do cover your
boyfriend's

junk with your hand so we can
have him step out

a little more!

Ohhh... kay

*sigh *

That's it!

That's it! Brilliant!

But less constipated, please!

Move move move!

Click! Click! Click! Thats

it!

(music)

(Lyrics: From here on out)

(there is no more second best)

(erase all)

(doubt)

(I'm better than)

(the rest!)

(I used to stand aside)

(while others)

(plowed ahead)

(but now I'm)

(taking charge)

(my wings are gonna)

(spred!)

(Don't)

(Underestimate)

(me)

(so, Listen here's the deal)

(to those who think I'm)

(broken: Look out!)

(I'm at the wheel!)

(from here)

(on out)

(everybody cheer!)

(scream)

(and)

(shout)

(get used to it! I'm here!)

I tried not to touch you with

my hand, I fake touched you

I appreciate that, but it did
touch a little Well I think it

best we pretend that never happened
Well its not

cool! What? It wasn't MY fault!

Your JUNK moved!

It might have shrunk but it
didn't move

please! It didn't

shrink! Your penis

moved! I've got eyes!

Well my dick doesn't

I haven't had sex since this
show started

if it did move, its because it
sensed a nearby

presence and assumed it was
female

okay? Okay.

Fine.

Toldja it moved

Okay! uh

as you all know, this episode

of Guy Dubai: International

Gay Spy

takes place in a gay massage

parlour in Stockholm

where's the flag? Where's the

oh! Stockholm, yes

is in Sweden, right?

Now we do have

press visiting today on the set

but lets not make a fuss, lets

just treat this like any

normal day, okay?

Devina!

Are you ready?

Awe!

Very, very nice. Yes.

Uh, uh okay. And our star

Guy Dubai! Are you out of
wardrobe and makeup yet?

Oh! ahohoh look!

Mmmwah!

Whos my hunny bunny!

I am

I brought bagels!

Bagels!

They like it when I

buy bagels! Yeah hehehe

uh, uh, Devina have you been

practicing your swedish?

Ya! I just going to say

ya a lot

the rest is too hard

hola Mr Jimmy!
Rico what are you doing here

well, one thing let to

another and here I am!

Whats the things name

oh I forgot to

ask!

*gasp! * Devil come out!

Oh

Okay uh

lets rehearse the scene, like
we always do

ignore us

kay. uh, Rico

can stand in for the body on
the table

oh but I'm very very shy!
We know!

Uh, Devina!

Lets see your massage technique

hehehehhehe

Never heard of anyone being
ticklish on their shoulders

before!

Ohhhhh... that feels so

goooood

thats what I did!

Hehehehe!

Wait... ooooh

hahaha

hahah ...ooooh

oooh

hahaha

hahahah

hahahahah! Okay rehearsals over!

Where's the real actor?

He's by the pool

he said he wanted a tan like me

I go get him

I'm not an actor, I'm very very
shy

yes.

Thats very clear

it'll be better with the real

actor

(sexy music)

hmmm... hmm

oooh

(heavy breathing

mmm

oohh mm

mmm

Rico are you in here?

Rico! I'm trying to hurry!

But its so funny

hehe. What's your name? Matt

Oh, do I have any lines?

*sigh *
I thought Matt say he want

a tan like me, hehe, but

he said he want a latin like me!

Hehehe! so funny!

Sometimes my english

not so good

Very funny. So funny. Funny
funny funny.

Your english is plenty good

funny..

(sexy music)

mmm

mm

Ohh

(spy music)

*squirt noise *

(bee buzzing sound)

I'm Ingred

Ya! This is my

Swedish Gay Massage Parlour

you like? Ya?

Ya. I like.

You give Dolf

a nice rub down! And if

Dolf is happy at the end

Ingred will give

you a job! Ya!

I'm

Dubai. Guy Dubai.

Sorry I'm late, but a dirty

bomb was hanging over the great
white shark

tank at Stockholm's Seaworld

thousands of blonde spectators

were seconds from being blown
to smithereens

how I disarmed it

is extremely confidential

a lot of brave penguins gave
their

lives today

I bet you would have given one
of these to have seen it

but Seaworld charges one of

these and

one of these for security

camera footage

speaking of dirty

bombs

if a spy were to rendezvous

with a double agent

now would be a good time

for the code word

Dolf!

You feel stiff!

I have a very special technique
for that! Allow

me to flip you!

Vat is going on

ya? He's dead

and naked. The fall

knocked off his towel

Ya. Happens all the time

*scanning, popping sound *

Uranium Poisoning

ya. Dat happens all the time

too! To double agents!

*gasp! *

and international gay spies!

Mahahaha

Cut!

That's lunch everybody!

Okay! Be back in 30 I

Ache from holding my tongue

I was treated very rude by

that old lady at Here Tv

you know, how, HEY

how are my friends supposed to
watch me

on my television show when
nobody has

a channel!?
Well, some people must

have it! No, no

body I know! The one thing we
maids

got is good cable!

Hi Jimmy

where have you been?
I cut my finger

trying to open a yogurt lid
because

Brad wouldn't help me

because you

wanted more independence Anyway

Nana Dotty pulled some strings
and got me in to see

my pediatrician

its worse than it looks

so Dr Nyler gave me the Paul
Bunyun

ouchie size

But you made such a big fuss
about the ballerina

boo-boo size
Hey! Television boy!

How I get the Here TV channel

so I can watching Guy Dubai

International Gay Spy

You want to subscribe?

Nobody has ever asked me that
before

no clue. Brad?

We have subscribers?

Ask Nana Dotty

you mean the Devil's mother?

NO!

Nana Dotty is a sweetheart!

Ohohohoh! No!

I have to pray to not go to
office

to scratch her face off

*gasp *

ooh! Devil come out!

Oh no!

Wow

hey a new subscriber? Cool!

The president of the company
scores one!

Roar!

Roar.

Come on... come on come on!

Where are they rushing off to?

OH MY

GOD

Mega Movie star Eric

Muntos just came out as GAY

friendly!

Oh! No

way. Gay FRIENDLY we are so

totally screwed

ooooh!

*rooster crows *

By some guy scrubbing me in the
shower, my uranium

exposure is supposed to wash
away?

You researched this?

It's good enough for Guy
Dubai...

But isn't that dude already
dead? When we shot the

massage scene, he was the dead guy!
*Sigh *

Listen, he's getting paid one

flat rate for the entire
episode, no matter

how many days he works, so,

why hire another actor when
nobody saw

his face? Of couse we saw

his face! He was face-up down
on the floor!

Trust me! No one

was looking at his face

alright? Come on, I'll show you

uh..guys, guys

anybody seen this guy before?

Hes the dead guy!

See! Straight guys

ain't lookin at his junk! We're
looking at his

fac-hahah...

Just kidding, I just

wheres my boyfriend to slap his
hot ass!

Aheh, funny

that was so funny...

close one! Ouch!

Listen, if-excuse me

um, if I'm gonna

die again, can I say something
first

like "I shouldv'e looked both
ways

before crossing the

street... ah...

and then I die because I got
hit by a bus

Okay, nothing personal

but I don't have time to shoot
the stuff

I wrote. Double don't have time
for corpses

with improvised sub-plots

Jimmy... holy moly wha...

Jimmy. Have you seen

this? *sigh *

what?

The man has been in the closet
his entire

career and has picked now to
come out as gay

friendly... Eric Mutos

is in the closet?

Bitch, Please!

What page is it? 34

Turn to page 34.. Page 34

Oh! No way!

Aheheh Ha!

Television's first openly gay

couple is an odd match but the
score is

tied, love: all. Ahahaa!

This is sooo gonna get us

an audience!
Yeah it better! These

costumes and stuff don't come
cheap! Ooh Score!

This one has a pricetag on it

I can take it back. Just don't
get it all

uh... crusty, alright?

You'd swear they were faking
their relationship

but..after visiting

the set you're so convinced

that none of them have the

acting chops to pull off a lie

that big... aheheheh... thats

funny. I know, right?

Your relationship is like money

in the bank! Ching, ching!

Aheheheh

don't have the acting chops, my ass!
Aheh

heheheh

He say the sweetest things!
Mmmwah!

He won't shut up

about my ass!
Oh, alright, everybody

listen up, everybody!

So, tell all of your

friends to watch the show
tonight, we need

good numbers if we want a job

next week. We sold the TV

to buy insulin for the baby

that's alright, I had Brad

print out a list of all of our
Here TV subscribers

in the LA area

just, uh

pick a name, show up at their
house

and ask if you can watch

Fine. I get dibs on the

guy in Cerritos Bruce

Falanch! I did him! Know him!

He likes to watch

but am I gonna get a line?

All I've been is naked and dead!
Jimmy

give him a line

if he promises to watch

YES!

(spy music)

(applause and laughter)

I was so good!

So good! SO Good!

That maid was a pile of cat turd

Nana! *gasp! * Thats it

you crusty old hag! You and me

No! Devil come out!

It never really works but it
make her

feel better! Okay

this time I let you live. But my

acting is not kitty cat poop!

Oh! Who wants

a tater tot!
(everyone wants some)

*beep beep *

It's the preliminary numbers!

There are 200! 200 what?

200 people watched our show!
Oh..

Plus us, so 207

usually that'd be great, but

with this huge budget, that's
right on the fence

ahehehehe What's so funny?

Mr. Eric

with clothes on

you've seen Eric Mutos naked?!

No... um Mr. Eric

is my cousin! Shut up!

You had sex with Eric Mutos!?
No!

Heh! I don't remember! Oopsie!

Who wants a tater tot Ohhh yes

yes yes yes yes oh here we go

mmm mmm

filthy show-people

hey! I want a delicious

tater tot too, please!

Tater tots are only for boys
who remember

who they had sex with. Anyone

want another!
Oh, yes, because they're so good

okay, maybe

Mr. Eric and I go to

the Gym or something like that

hehehe

mmm... very very good

yes, yes

its hard to eat just one,
though, isn't it?

Mmhmm! So, you

saw him naked in the

gym

ohhoho, heh

gym, maybe shower?

Eric Mutos, one of the

biggest movie stars in the
world had sex in the shower

in some gym? I don't buy it

Come on, Rico! The truth!

The shower in his poolhouse!

*gasp! * Seriously!!!

Every Tuesday I go and clean
his pool

but it already be clean, so

then Mr. Eric say, "I'm the
dirty

one!" And then, we, you know!

Hehehe!

Good boy

What are you doing?

Tweeting Eric Mutos

I'm the producer of hashtag Guy
Dubai at

Here TV congrats on being Gay
Friendly

your poolboy Rico's our mutual
friend!

No no no no! Lets think about
this first

alright? Lets think.
Eric Mutos does have

nine million followers on
twitter

he can CRUSH us He can also make

us! Lets light candles

and pray!

Send

*Gasp! *
Well someone had to do it!

Okay, when does

Guy Dubai re-run again?
Every hour next week, why?

*beep beep *

*Gasp! * Everyone watch
hashtag Guy

Dubai on Here TV its my

new favorite Gay Friendly show!

Yes! Yes! (Applause)

Guy Dubai is in full production

Baby, as fast as we can make 'em

Oh we did it!

Yes we did!

Okay, lets hear it for

Dubai! Guy Dubai

Wow!

And the man who made it all
happen,

Jimmy Randell, the best
boyfriend ever!

Woooooo!

Thank you I'll get the booze

and you have to give me a
pedicure

hahaha.. Alright

Brad, get the organic skim milk

heh!

Its gonna get

easier, right?

I wouldn't count on it

oh...

hehe!

Okay.

(music)