Frisky Dingo (2006–2008): Season 1, Episode 2 - Meet Awesome-X - full transcript
[Dramatic music, siren wails]
[Yelling]
And the city burns. Behind me, brave
firefighters heroically fight the blaze
started in a battle between Disastron,
the last surviving member
of the Chaos Council
and our very own...
Awesome X.
- Awesome X?
- Awesome X.
- Ahem.
- What?
Rumor has it, now that
you've defeated all the supervillains,
that you and your mercenary
robots--the Xtacles--
Oh, hey, good!
Big shout-out to the Xtacles. Arroo!
Couldn't have done it without you guys.
Oh, that was nice.
God, I wish we had TiVo.
Oh, now you want TiVo.
You'll finally be retiring. Is that accurate?
No. Ever--ever vigilant.
- I am a beacon of...vigilance.
- OK.
Also a beacon of fighting.
- And now that you're retiring--
- I'm not retiring.
I guess the thanks
of a grateful city are yours.
Oh, uh...
You're welcome, city.
For Force 10 News, I'm--
Thank you.
. I'm..
- Thank you, city.
You're awesome.
For Force 10 News, I'm Grace Ryan.
And I am Awesome X!
Yeah, who started a rumor
Awesome X is retiring?
- I may have...
- Stan?
...on behalf of Awesome X,
issued a press release. Yes.
CREWS: What the hell did you do that for?
Because now that Awesome X
has defeated all the supervillains
in the city--
- Ka-kow!
- It's time Xander Crews got focused--
Lame.
...On running his huge
multinational conglomerate.
Now, all that superhero nonsense
was all well and good--
Nonsense?! Stan, I was avenging the
untimely deaths of my murdered parents...
Who were murdered.
- Yes, but--
- Stan, hang on.
[Telephone rings]
Telephone.
I'm blowing up here.
Go. Go time.
[Continues ringing]
[Sighs]
- Go time.
- Operator.
Yeah.
[Ringing]
Go time.
- GRACE: Hi, baby. It's me.
- [Sighs]
Did you see my interview
with Awesome X?
- Yes, I did.
- GRACE: Well, what did you think?
- Uh--
- GRACE: I thought it went great.
- Can you hang on a second?
- GRACE: OK.
- OK. Click.
- [Dial tone]
Ho ho ho ho.
Oh, my God, she's gonna be mad I did that.
I don't even know why I did it.
[Dial tone]
Do you think I'm selfish?
- [Horn honks, sirens wailing]
- Are we still on for tonight?
Xander?
I guess the network's down.
Uh, I've got 6 bars.
- Me, too.
- Yeah, me, too.
Are you people gonna load out
or dick around with your phones all day?
- 6 bars.
- [Sniggering]
STAN: That will be all, Watley.
WATLEY: If there's anything else I--
STAN: Get out!
CREWS: Damn, dawg.
What's all this bidness?
STAN: That's exactly what it is--
business.
STAN: P&L's, balance sheets,
earnings estimates.
CREWS: And why is it on my desk?
Because it's time you learned
how to run a business.
And the first thing
you're going to do is fire the Xtacles.
[Gasps]
The Xtacles are the backbone
of the Awesome X Fighting Force.
They're also a $5 million annual drain
on the company's bottom line.
[Scoffs] Is that all you care about, Stan,
the bottom line?
- Yes!
- CREWS: Well...
unless we all of a sudden lose
$5 million somehow,
- I'm not firing my dawgs.
- Damn it--
And...
I have to go ride in my limo.
♪ All that cheese ♪
♪ (Hey, all that cheese) ♪
♪ Tell you how it is ♪
[Cell phone rings]
Go time...
Except if it's Stan.
- Hey, baby. It's me.
- Hey.
- You know what I was thinking?
- Uh-uh.
Now I won't be covering those crazy battles
between Supervillains
and Awesome X all the time,
and now I can really concentrate on us.
Huh?
I mean talk about...
[Jackhammer drowns out voice]
...maybe finally unfreezing
some of your sperm.
You--When did you freeze my sperm?!
- Oh, I always do that. Ha ha.
- What?!
Well, we can talk about that tonight.
See you at your place at 7:00.
[Phone beeps]
♪ Taco supreme ♪
♪ Super head, tell Bill Maher ♪
♪ I'm coming for you, baby ♪
- Yeah, baby.
- CREWS: [Grunting]
Oh, yeah! Yeah, baby.
CREWS: Oh! This is so wrong.
- PROSTITUTE: Oh, God!
- CREWS: Oh, my God!
- PROSTITUTE: Oh, yeah.
- CREWS: I'm with a prostitute.
Yeah, come on,
you big black son of a bitch! Oh, yeah!
CREWS: What?!
- CREWS: Where did that come from?
- PROSTITUTE: What?
CREWS: Oh, no. Don't stop. I like it.
PROSTITUTE: OK.
[Groaning]
- ELECTRONIC VOICE: Granted access.
- Whoa, whoa, whoa!
- PROSTITUTE: Oh, don't stop!
- Shut up, hooker.
GRACE: Xander? Baby, you up here?
GRACE: You have got to move
that crazy suit of armor,
before it kills somebody or--aagh!
What--what are you doing here?
Xan--uh, Billy--
Xander Crews said I could use
his place for this...
- GRACE: He--
- CREWS: ...hooker.
- GRACE: You know him?
- We went to college together.
No, we didn't. Get out of here!
He will be at your place in one hour.
- GRACE: I just--I--
- CREWS: No time, woman.
CREWS: He despises tardiness.
You should know that.
Go! Get out!
Oh, sorry. Bye.
Oh, my God.
1 did not mean for her to see this.
Xander Crews.
Oh, let's go back to the black--
big black guy thing.
You're Awesome X!
[Gasps]
Oh, boy.
STAN: $5 million?!
- I had to pay her off!
- STAN: Damn it!
Well, I can't have
some blabbity-mouth hooker
running around
with my secret identity.
That's the first thing they teach you.
STAN: Nobody cares
about your secret identity.
It's to protect my loved ones.
You don't have any loved ones!
[Gasps]
Stan!
What, who?
The girlfriend you treat like dirt?
Your murdered parents?
CREWS: Oh.
STAN: And you can say good-bye
to the Xtacles.
- What--what?!
- STAN: What what?
You just spent
their entire salary for the year.
Oh, see, I knew you were
gonna trick me into doing this!
Me?! You're the one
who paid $5 million for a blowjob!
I..
It was a half and half...
First of all.
Second of all, OK. I'm going.
[Sighs] Awesome X to Excalibur,
I'm on final approach.
XTACLE: He's coming.
Everybody in position.
[Guns cocking]
Yo.
Where the hell are you guys?
XTACLES: Surprise!
Ambush!
[Screaming]
[Making laser sounds]
[Screaming]
Go time, mother-humpers!
Awesome! Awesome!
Bring it, you cyborg sons of bitches!
What are you doing?!
It's a surprise party.
[Clears throat]
Do what now?
'Cause we love you.
[Groans]
Well, why the hell were
you pointing those damn guns at me?!
[Bubbling]
XTACLE: We got them at the party store.
Hey, guys, hey! Check this out.
L1 will open communist China to the West.
Put that back.
Oh. I thought you wanted to kill me
'cause I came up here to fire you.
XTACLES: What?!
Yeah, take a knee, gang.
But the Crews Company
funds the entire Awesome X operation.
So, you know, take it
up with Xander Crews.
- XTACLE: Let's kill that son of a bitch!
- ALL: Yeah!
- CREWS: No, you know, let's-- Let's don't--
- XTACLE: Kill him!
He's a good guy.
We don't kill good guys.
We kill bad guys. Come on.
- XTACLE: So, uh...
- It's in our charter.
What's up with our 401 Ks?
- My retirement!
- Yeah, what is up with that?
[Groans]
- Oh, what the--
- That's my nest egg!
We're still gonna
have health insurance, right?
Oh, my God! Health insurance, I need that!
CREWS: Ahem. Mm-mmm.
- Oh, my God!
- What?!
- Are we at least eligible for Cobra?
- What, the little...
The G.I. Joe dolls?
No. Not the G.I. Joe dolls.
Oh, that reminds me.
Give me the...
The--where it is?
Kevin made you this--
We all kind of helped--
Before you shot him in the face.
Oh! You guys!
[Gasps]
CREWS: Guys, is this...
l mean, this is--
- XTACLE: Yeah, it's sculpy.
- CREWS: It's awesome!
XTACLE: Well, we all kind of helped.
CREWS: And I think I just found
a way to save our jobs.
XTACLE: Mmm... Except Kevin.
- And Mike.
- Uh, both Mikes.
CREWS: Oh, Fat Mike, too?
[Harrumphing]
STAN: Order, please, gentlemen.
Order! Now then.
First item on the agenda is--
[Can jingles]
Mr. Crews!
CREWS: Hey! No, no! Don't get up.
- CREWS: How's it going? How's every--
- [Harrumphing]
CREWS: ...body doing? Weird.
So, Mr. Crews, this is certainly a surprise.
Yeah, I bet. But I'm here.
I'm here to run the company, So...
- MAN: Harrumph!
- CREWS: Hey! Hey, buddy.
And also, um...
[Opens briefcase]
From now on, we're doing this.
STAN: I'm sorry?
"Cause I converted all our factories
over to making these little guys.
- You what?
- [Harrumphing]
Whoosh! Wha!
That's him flying.
- CREWS: What?!
- STAN: Doll factory?!
You said if I can make
the Awesome X brand
a profitable part of this company,
CREWS: I could keep
on doing whatever I want.
No, I didn't.
- Well, you implied it.
- No!
- Hey!
- 1 did not!
Tone of voice!
Look, I don't care what Boys From Brazil
thing you got going on in there,
but I'm still the boss in here.
And we're making Awesome X dolls,
and they're gonna kick so much ass,
you'll probably go blind.
And if you still have a problem with that,
there's the big-ass door.
You're not gonna sell doll one
without a villain, you ninny--
A Cobra to your G.I. Joe;
a Stretch Monster
to your Stretch Armstrong;
a Decepticon to your Autobot.
I'm one step ahead of you, Stan.
CREWS: Check it.
Oh, sweet mother of God.
Hi, Mister--
[Coughing]
- STAN: Watley?
- Yeah! No, no.
This monster man is?
- The Dread Lobster.
- CREWS: The Dread Lobster.
- STAN: What?
- He's a supervillain
for Awesome X to battle
so we can, uh...
drive the sales, Stan.
- Thoughts?
- He's an abomination!
What! It was his idea!
Which, looking back,
l1 guess I really didn't think through.
Keep 'em up, buddy.
Chicka-chicka!
Why is he so pale?
Oh, why are you so pale, Watley?
I think maybe my body
is rejecting the claws.
CREWS: Well, cut it out.
[Coughs]
CREWS: Watley?
Watley?
Oh. Is he dead?
He's damn close.
Take his neck pulse.
- STAN: That's what I'm--
- Don't go into the light, Watley!
- You imbecile!
- Hey!
- Hurtful.
- Sit down!
250 years this company
has been in your family.
And from slaves and small pox blankets
to soft-core porn and semiconductors,
it's always made a profit.
But with one fell idiotic swoop,
you've ruined it.
I'm just glad your murdered parents--
My murdered parents
wanted me to be happy!
And this can make me happy, Stan.
[Sniffles]
Fiscal sales of Awesome X dolls.
Nobody is going to buy a superhero doll
without a villain to fight!
Well, then I'm kind of at a loss.
Unless...
- Oh, what about this guy for the villain?
- STAN: What?
My man?
- When did this get here?
- CREWS: Uh...
Apparently, it's been here the whole time.
[Yelling]
And the city burns. Behind me, brave
firefighters heroically fight the blaze
started in a battle between Disastron,
the last surviving member
of the Chaos Council
and our very own...
Awesome X.
- Awesome X?
- Awesome X.
- Ahem.
- What?
Rumor has it, now that
you've defeated all the supervillains,
that you and your mercenary
robots--the Xtacles--
Oh, hey, good!
Big shout-out to the Xtacles. Arroo!
Couldn't have done it without you guys.
Oh, that was nice.
God, I wish we had TiVo.
Oh, now you want TiVo.
You'll finally be retiring. Is that accurate?
No. Ever--ever vigilant.
- I am a beacon of...vigilance.
- OK.
Also a beacon of fighting.
- And now that you're retiring--
- I'm not retiring.
I guess the thanks
of a grateful city are yours.
Oh, uh...
You're welcome, city.
For Force 10 News, I'm--
Thank you.
. I'm..
- Thank you, city.
You're awesome.
For Force 10 News, I'm Grace Ryan.
And I am Awesome X!
Yeah, who started a rumor
Awesome X is retiring?
- I may have...
- Stan?
...on behalf of Awesome X,
issued a press release. Yes.
CREWS: What the hell did you do that for?
Because now that Awesome X
has defeated all the supervillains
in the city--
- Ka-kow!
- It's time Xander Crews got focused--
Lame.
...On running his huge
multinational conglomerate.
Now, all that superhero nonsense
was all well and good--
Nonsense?! Stan, I was avenging the
untimely deaths of my murdered parents...
Who were murdered.
- Yes, but--
- Stan, hang on.
[Telephone rings]
Telephone.
I'm blowing up here.
Go. Go time.
[Continues ringing]
[Sighs]
- Go time.
- Operator.
Yeah.
[Ringing]
Go time.
- GRACE: Hi, baby. It's me.
- [Sighs]
Did you see my interview
with Awesome X?
- Yes, I did.
- GRACE: Well, what did you think?
- Uh--
- GRACE: I thought it went great.
- Can you hang on a second?
- GRACE: OK.
- OK. Click.
- [Dial tone]
Ho ho ho ho.
Oh, my God, she's gonna be mad I did that.
I don't even know why I did it.
[Dial tone]
Do you think I'm selfish?
- [Horn honks, sirens wailing]
- Are we still on for tonight?
Xander?
I guess the network's down.
Uh, I've got 6 bars.
- Me, too.
- Yeah, me, too.
Are you people gonna load out
or dick around with your phones all day?
- 6 bars.
- [Sniggering]
STAN: That will be all, Watley.
WATLEY: If there's anything else I--
STAN: Get out!
CREWS: Damn, dawg.
What's all this bidness?
STAN: That's exactly what it is--
business.
STAN: P&L's, balance sheets,
earnings estimates.
CREWS: And why is it on my desk?
Because it's time you learned
how to run a business.
And the first thing
you're going to do is fire the Xtacles.
[Gasps]
The Xtacles are the backbone
of the Awesome X Fighting Force.
They're also a $5 million annual drain
on the company's bottom line.
[Scoffs] Is that all you care about, Stan,
the bottom line?
- Yes!
- CREWS: Well...
unless we all of a sudden lose
$5 million somehow,
- I'm not firing my dawgs.
- Damn it--
And...
I have to go ride in my limo.
♪ All that cheese ♪
♪ (Hey, all that cheese) ♪
♪ Tell you how it is ♪
[Cell phone rings]
Go time...
Except if it's Stan.
- Hey, baby. It's me.
- Hey.
- You know what I was thinking?
- Uh-uh.
Now I won't be covering those crazy battles
between Supervillains
and Awesome X all the time,
and now I can really concentrate on us.
Huh?
I mean talk about...
[Jackhammer drowns out voice]
...maybe finally unfreezing
some of your sperm.
You--When did you freeze my sperm?!
- Oh, I always do that. Ha ha.
- What?!
Well, we can talk about that tonight.
See you at your place at 7:00.
[Phone beeps]
♪ Taco supreme ♪
♪ Super head, tell Bill Maher ♪
♪ I'm coming for you, baby ♪
- Yeah, baby.
- CREWS: [Grunting]
Oh, yeah! Yeah, baby.
CREWS: Oh! This is so wrong.
- PROSTITUTE: Oh, God!
- CREWS: Oh, my God!
- PROSTITUTE: Oh, yeah.
- CREWS: I'm with a prostitute.
Yeah, come on,
you big black son of a bitch! Oh, yeah!
CREWS: What?!
- CREWS: Where did that come from?
- PROSTITUTE: What?
CREWS: Oh, no. Don't stop. I like it.
PROSTITUTE: OK.
[Groaning]
- ELECTRONIC VOICE: Granted access.
- Whoa, whoa, whoa!
- PROSTITUTE: Oh, don't stop!
- Shut up, hooker.
GRACE: Xander? Baby, you up here?
GRACE: You have got to move
that crazy suit of armor,
before it kills somebody or--aagh!
What--what are you doing here?
Xan--uh, Billy--
Xander Crews said I could use
his place for this...
- GRACE: He--
- CREWS: ...hooker.
- GRACE: You know him?
- We went to college together.
No, we didn't. Get out of here!
He will be at your place in one hour.
- GRACE: I just--I--
- CREWS: No time, woman.
CREWS: He despises tardiness.
You should know that.
Go! Get out!
Oh, sorry. Bye.
Oh, my God.
1 did not mean for her to see this.
Xander Crews.
Oh, let's go back to the black--
big black guy thing.
You're Awesome X!
[Gasps]
Oh, boy.
STAN: $5 million?!
- I had to pay her off!
- STAN: Damn it!
Well, I can't have
some blabbity-mouth hooker
running around
with my secret identity.
That's the first thing they teach you.
STAN: Nobody cares
about your secret identity.
It's to protect my loved ones.
You don't have any loved ones!
[Gasps]
Stan!
What, who?
The girlfriend you treat like dirt?
Your murdered parents?
CREWS: Oh.
STAN: And you can say good-bye
to the Xtacles.
- What--what?!
- STAN: What what?
You just spent
their entire salary for the year.
Oh, see, I knew you were
gonna trick me into doing this!
Me?! You're the one
who paid $5 million for a blowjob!
I..
It was a half and half...
First of all.
Second of all, OK. I'm going.
[Sighs] Awesome X to Excalibur,
I'm on final approach.
XTACLE: He's coming.
Everybody in position.
[Guns cocking]
Yo.
Where the hell are you guys?
XTACLES: Surprise!
Ambush!
[Screaming]
[Making laser sounds]
[Screaming]
Go time, mother-humpers!
Awesome! Awesome!
Bring it, you cyborg sons of bitches!
What are you doing?!
It's a surprise party.
[Clears throat]
Do what now?
'Cause we love you.
[Groans]
Well, why the hell were
you pointing those damn guns at me?!
[Bubbling]
XTACLE: We got them at the party store.
Hey, guys, hey! Check this out.
L1 will open communist China to the West.
Put that back.
Oh. I thought you wanted to kill me
'cause I came up here to fire you.
XTACLES: What?!
Yeah, take a knee, gang.
But the Crews Company
funds the entire Awesome X operation.
So, you know, take it
up with Xander Crews.
- XTACLE: Let's kill that son of a bitch!
- ALL: Yeah!
- CREWS: No, you know, let's-- Let's don't--
- XTACLE: Kill him!
He's a good guy.
We don't kill good guys.
We kill bad guys. Come on.
- XTACLE: So, uh...
- It's in our charter.
What's up with our 401 Ks?
- My retirement!
- Yeah, what is up with that?
[Groans]
- Oh, what the--
- That's my nest egg!
We're still gonna
have health insurance, right?
Oh, my God! Health insurance, I need that!
CREWS: Ahem. Mm-mmm.
- Oh, my God!
- What?!
- Are we at least eligible for Cobra?
- What, the little...
The G.I. Joe dolls?
No. Not the G.I. Joe dolls.
Oh, that reminds me.
Give me the...
The--where it is?
Kevin made you this--
We all kind of helped--
Before you shot him in the face.
Oh! You guys!
[Gasps]
CREWS: Guys, is this...
l mean, this is--
- XTACLE: Yeah, it's sculpy.
- CREWS: It's awesome!
XTACLE: Well, we all kind of helped.
CREWS: And I think I just found
a way to save our jobs.
XTACLE: Mmm... Except Kevin.
- And Mike.
- Uh, both Mikes.
CREWS: Oh, Fat Mike, too?
[Harrumphing]
STAN: Order, please, gentlemen.
Order! Now then.
First item on the agenda is--
[Can jingles]
Mr. Crews!
CREWS: Hey! No, no! Don't get up.
- CREWS: How's it going? How's every--
- [Harrumphing]
CREWS: ...body doing? Weird.
So, Mr. Crews, this is certainly a surprise.
Yeah, I bet. But I'm here.
I'm here to run the company, So...
- MAN: Harrumph!
- CREWS: Hey! Hey, buddy.
And also, um...
[Opens briefcase]
From now on, we're doing this.
STAN: I'm sorry?
"Cause I converted all our factories
over to making these little guys.
- You what?
- [Harrumphing]
Whoosh! Wha!
That's him flying.
- CREWS: What?!
- STAN: Doll factory?!
You said if I can make
the Awesome X brand
a profitable part of this company,
CREWS: I could keep
on doing whatever I want.
No, I didn't.
- Well, you implied it.
- No!
- Hey!
- 1 did not!
Tone of voice!
Look, I don't care what Boys From Brazil
thing you got going on in there,
but I'm still the boss in here.
And we're making Awesome X dolls,
and they're gonna kick so much ass,
you'll probably go blind.
And if you still have a problem with that,
there's the big-ass door.
You're not gonna sell doll one
without a villain, you ninny--
A Cobra to your G.I. Joe;
a Stretch Monster
to your Stretch Armstrong;
a Decepticon to your Autobot.
I'm one step ahead of you, Stan.
CREWS: Check it.
Oh, sweet mother of God.
Hi, Mister--
[Coughing]
- STAN: Watley?
- Yeah! No, no.
This monster man is?
- The Dread Lobster.
- CREWS: The Dread Lobster.
- STAN: What?
- He's a supervillain
for Awesome X to battle
so we can, uh...
drive the sales, Stan.
- Thoughts?
- He's an abomination!
What! It was his idea!
Which, looking back,
l1 guess I really didn't think through.
Keep 'em up, buddy.
Chicka-chicka!
Why is he so pale?
Oh, why are you so pale, Watley?
I think maybe my body
is rejecting the claws.
CREWS: Well, cut it out.
[Coughs]
CREWS: Watley?
Watley?
Oh. Is he dead?
He's damn close.
Take his neck pulse.
- STAN: That's what I'm--
- Don't go into the light, Watley!
- You imbecile!
- Hey!
- Hurtful.
- Sit down!
250 years this company
has been in your family.
And from slaves and small pox blankets
to soft-core porn and semiconductors,
it's always made a profit.
But with one fell idiotic swoop,
you've ruined it.
I'm just glad your murdered parents--
My murdered parents
wanted me to be happy!
And this can make me happy, Stan.
[Sniffles]
Fiscal sales of Awesome X dolls.
Nobody is going to buy a superhero doll
without a villain to fight!
Well, then I'm kind of at a loss.
Unless...
- Oh, what about this guy for the villain?
- STAN: What?
My man?
- When did this get here?
- CREWS: Uh...
Apparently, it's been here the whole time.