Friends (1994–2004): Season 6, Episode 6 - The One on the Last Night - full transcript

I'm moving out, so you're
in charge of paying the rent.

- When's it due?
- On the first.

And that's every month?

No, just the months
you want to live here.

Okay, here's the phone bill.

Oh, my God!

That's our phone number.

I know I kind of sprung this
me-moving-out-on-you thing.

- Why don't I cover you for a while?
- No way!

Joey Tribbiani does not
take charity...

anymore.



- It's not charity, Joe.
- Forget it.

Thanks, but I'm done
taking money from you.

I can take care of myself.
What's next? Come on.

Here's the electric bill.

- This is how much we pay for electric?
- Well, yeah.

So we'll do
the rest of the bills later, then?

The One On The Last Night

Will Joey have to give up
the apartment?

I offered him money,
but he wouldn't take it.

How much does he need?

$1500 would cover him
for a few months...

but I have to trick him into
taking it so I don't hurt his pride.

Why don't you hire him as an actor?

You could have him dress up
and put on skits whenever you want.



Well, that would help the pride thing.

Wow, you look great! Do you wanna
move in with me tomorrow?

Any plans for tonight?

Instead of being sad on my
last night with Rachel...

we're going out to celebrate
Rachel's moving in with Phoebe.

- And also my birthday.
- It's not your birthday.

What a mean thing to say! I'd never
tell you it wasn't your birthday.

You guys have anything planned
for the big last night?

Instead of just hanging out,
we figure we'd do nothing.

Knicks' season opener tonight.
I thought you'd come and watch it.

I don't know, Ross.

Not if you talk about how you gave up
basketball to become a paleontologist.

I did give up a career in basketball
to become a paleontologist!

- Phoebe..
- You're not dressed yet?

We're supposed to start having fun
in 15 minutes!

And clearly, not a minute sooner.

You are packed, though, right?
Please tell me you're packed?

Of course I'm packed.
Monica, relax.

I wanted to ask Phoebe
what I should wear.

My God, I can't get a minute of peace.

Oh, my God!

Monica's just gonna kill you.

I know.

What you're wearing is fine
for that.

You're not packed!

You're not packed even a little bit!

Surprise!

Don't get mad,
because this is what happened.

I started packing,
then I realized, "What am I doing?"

I am lousy at packing, right?

But you love packing!

So as a gift to you
on our last night....

I'll be coordinator!

Oh, my God, I'm so sorry.
I didn't get you anything.

Everybody has to help.
Phoebe, can you help?

I have plans.

- You have plans with us.
- That's right.

Chandler can make boxes, Ross can
wrap and Joey can lift.

Tell the guys
they have to help out.

My God, thank you!

Monica's gonna make you pack!
She's got jobs for everyone!

Now, it's too late for me,
but save yourselves!

The movers will be here in 11 hours.
Rachel hasn't packed.

Now, everybody has to help.
Chandler..

I have plans with Joey.

- You said you were doing nothing.
- Yes, but for the last time.

Fine. Now, Ross..

- I can't do it.
- Why not?

- Don't you have Ben?
- Because I have Ben!

It's almost past his bedtime.
Where is he?

He's at a dinner party.

He's really coming?
I can see in your apartment.

Of course he is. What?

You think I'd use my son as an excuse?

What kind of father do you think I am?

All right. Sorry.

I gotta go make a fake Ben.

Here it is.

Our last pizzas together as roommates.

I wish I knew that.
I ordered Chinese.

Well, that's okay.

In a way it's kind of nice.
You know?

Our last dinner together. Me,
bringing the food of my ancestors...

you, the food of yours!

I had an idea for what to do
on our last night.

What do you say we play a little
foosball for money?

Are you crazy? You haven't beaten me
since my injury-plagued '97 season.

- It'd be easier to give me your money.
- Yes, it would.

What do you say to $50?

I say to it:
"50 dollars, you are more than I have."

If you know that you'll win,
what difference does it make?

- You're on.
- Okay, let's play.

The big game. Italy versus...

China, apparently.

Look, it's the Rollerblades.

Oh, God!

You remember when we got these?

I guess you weren't there.

You guys,
we said we were gonna have fun.

Come on. Hey, remember the time....

You don't remember?

Sorry, Phoebe. I'm just really sad
that I'm leaving.

I'm gonna miss you so much.

This doesn't have to be so sad,
though, you know?

Instead of thinking about
how you'll miss each other...

you should think of the things
you're not gonna miss.

I don't think there's anything.

Come on, there's gotta be something.

She's perfect.

I have one.

Okay, you can go first.

I guess I'm not gonna miss the fact...

that you're never allowed
to move the phone pen.

That's a good one.
Okay, Monica, anything?

You know,
does Rachel move the phone pen?

Sometimes.

Always, actually.

There you go.
Doesn't everyone feel better?

Not just the phone pen.

I never get my messages.

You get your messages.

It doesn't count if you have to
read them off your hand...

after you've fallen asleep
on the couch.

So you missed a message from who?
Chandler?

Or your mom?

Or Chandler?

Or your mom?

It worked! No one's sad!

I win again!

That's, like, 500 bucks
you owe me!

Man! Five hundred dollars.

That is a lot of electricity, huh?

I gotta buy some food.

Give me a chance to win my money back.
Sudden death...

one goal, $1000.

- You serious?
- Yes!

Get ready to owe me.

Here we go. Ready?

No...

one can beat me!

That's why only the little fake men
are supposed to do the kicking.

Hi, Ross.
See, other people call me!

Oh, your brother. Score!

What's up?

I'm here with Ben.

Thought we'd say hi.

- Put him on.
- Ben, say hi to Aunt Monica.

I guess he doesn't feel like
talking right now.

He's smiling, though.

Okay, talk to you later.

You know, Daddy was gonna be
a basketball player.

I think it was better
when you guys were sad.

Hey, remember the Rollerblades?

You know what else I won't miss?
"I'm Monica.

I wash the toilets 17 times a day,
even if people are on it!"

"Hi, I'm Rachel.
Is my sweater too tight?

I'd better wash it and shrink it!"

"I'm Monica. I never get messages
from interesting people."

I call her.

"Oh, my God! I love Ross. I hate
Ross. I love Ross. I hate Ross!"

"My God!
I can't find a boyfriend.

I'll stumble across the hall and sleep
with the first guy I find there!"

You guys, come on,
this is the last night!

Yeah, you're right, and so for the
last time I would like to ask you:

Boo-hoo. Get out of my room!

We should get a move on if we want
to make those dinner reservations.

Still broken?

It sucks, man.

Your last night, and I lose the two
most important things:

The foosball table...

and $500.

There are other ways to win back
your money. How about blackjack?

Not my game.

You know what?
We can play a new game.

- It's fun!
- What's it called?

Cups.

- I don't know how.
- I'll teach you. It's easy and fun.

- All right.
- Here you go.

I have two queens.
What do you have?

- A 2 and a 5.
- You win! Fifty dollars!

- Really?
- Let's play again.

- What have you got?
- 4 and a 9.

You're kidding, right?

- No. Why?
- That's a full cup!

Damn, I am good at Cups!

I'm not talking to her.

You have to take the first step...

because she's the one who's
leaving. It's harder for her.

Maybe you're right.

But she made fun of my phone pen!

I know. I took it hard too.

She's in there right now, crying.
I can hear her.

She's not crying.

She's holding it in.
She's so brave. Go.

I feel bad about what happened..

- What are you doing?
- I'm unpacking.

I'm not moving.
Is that picture straight?

It needs to go about 20 blocks
to the left.

You're the one who wants this
big change and to move in with Chandler!

You should go!
Why do I have to leave?

- It's my apartment!
- It's mine too! What else you got?

How about: You're moving!

This is ridiculous.

We should be packing you!

- Hey, how you guys doing?
- Great. Monica's moving.

I am not!

Really? How come all your
stuff is in this box?

Okay, you guys,
I think I know what's going on here!

You guys? Stop!

I know you're acting mad because
it'll make it easier to leave.

But deep down, you're really sad.
Deep, deep down.

- No, Phoebe, I am mad!
- Well, deep down!

I'm just mad.

Then keep running.

You win!

- What did you have?
- Nothing beats...

a three and a six.

That, my friend, is "D Cup."

How much have you won so far?

- 700.
- Not 700 exactly?

Double it.

In Cups, once you get $700,
you have to double it.

I didn't make up the rules.

Now, after you receive the doubling
bonus, you get one card.

That one card could be worth $100,
which brings your total to $1500.

Don't get excited, that won't happen
unless you get the.. No way!

This is the last box of your clothes.

I'm just gonna label it
"What were you thinking?"

I was just gonna go across
the hall and write that on Chandler.

Guys, I don't wanna make
things worse, but...

I don't wanna live with
Rachel anymore.

You're so mean to each other.

I don't wanna end up like that
with Rachel. I still like you.

That's fine because I'm not moving.

Phoebe, you gotta take her.

I said some bad stuff...

but Rachel has qualities
that make her a good roommate.

Like what, Monica?

She has 147,000 pair of boots.

Good start, Mon.

She lets you borrow them.

And you stretch them out
with your big old clown feet.

Do you wanna live outside?
Because it's getting cold!

She gets tons of catalogs and folds
down the pages of things I'd like.

What else?

When I take a shower...

she leaves me notes on the mirror.

I do. I do do that.

That's nice. I like having things
to read in the bathroom.

When I fall asleep on the couch...

she covers me with a blanket.

Well, you know,
I don't want you to be cold.

And when I told her I was gonna
move in with Chandler...

she was really supportive.

You were so great.

You made it so easy.

And now you have to leave.

And I have to live with a boy!

It's gonna be fine.

Now I can't wait to live with you!

You know what we should do?

Bring Monica, and we'll live together!
We'll have so much fun!

I think she's moving in with Chandler.

Oh, that's right.
You're still set on that?

Kind of.

Oh, my God!

How's the packing going?

Ben? He's fine. He's right..
Oh, my God!

Get your head out of your shirt
there, son!

Yeah, it's a pumpkin. I'll come pack.

- What's wrong?
- Ross and I were helping pack...

took a little break.
I lost $1500 to him in Cups!

How did you lose at Cups?

The same way you lost!

I started out with the king and the
queen. Bam! Ross gets a 2 and a 3.

Then I get a jack and a king.
Boom! Ross gets a 4 and 5.

Even Ross was getting the Cup card,
the D Cup...

the sitting-down bonus. I didn't
even get half a cup! Nothing!

Oh, man!

He never played before either.

I think beginner's luck
is very important in Cups!

Let's play one more hand.
One more hand.

No more! I cannot lose another dime.
I'm serious this time.

In fact, look.

I wanna give you something.

Let me give it to you before
I pawn it for Cups money.

I want you to have
the big, white dog...

as a thank-you for being
such a great roommate.

I can't take the big white dog.
You love it.

It's "him." Not "it."

What if I bought it from you?

Then your nice gesture would be
giving it to me at a reasonable price.

Say $1500?

Wait a second.
I see what you're trying to do here.

You're trying to give me money again!

When did I try to give you money?

Over there with the bills!

You tried to give me charity,
I said no, you dropped it.

We had a nice last night together.

We had some fun, we gambled, nobody
tried to give anybody any money.

Now you start with the
charity thing again!

I'm trying to help you out.
I wanna make sure that you're okay.

I will be okay.

You gotta get it out of your head
that I can't take care of myself.

I'm not gonna miss you helping me
out with money.

The only thing I'm gonna miss...

is you.

And now the dog.

- Call me when you get there, okay?
- Okay.

I'm really gonna miss you.

I have your key.

- Here you go.
- Thanks.

God, this is silly.
I'll see you in a couple of hours.

Bye, house.

- She really left.
- I know.

- Thank you.
- No problem, roomie.

- Can I ask you a question?
- Sure.

What the hell is that dog doing here?

I invented the game of Cups
as a way to give Joey money.

- And now you want that money back?
- Exactly.

What kind of idiot do you
take me for?

It's not a real game.
I made it up.

I'm sorry you lost your money.
But I won it fair and square.

At a fake game!

If you wanna try to
make some of it back...

I'd be glad to play you for it.
But I should warn you.

I am very good at Cups.

I assume the saucer card
came up when you played last.

Let's see if it comes up this time.