Friends (1994–2004): Season 6, Episode 7 - The One Where Phoebe Runs - full transcript

Ready?

Hi, it's Rachel and Phoebe's.
Please...

- Leave..
- Leave.

But I just said "leave."

I know because you have
all the good words.

What do I get? I get "it's," "and."
Oh, I'm sorry, I have "a." Forget it.

- That's silly.
- All right. So let's switch.

No, I have all the good words.

Okay, fine, fine. We can switch.

- Hi...
- everybody...

- It's...
- Rachel...



- and...
- Phoebe's.

Wait. How did you do that?

What?

Oh, you're no ordinary roommate,
are you?

This is gonna be interesting.

Can we finish this later?
I'm going running before it gets dark.

- Why don't you come with me?
- Really?

It'll be fun! We'll run in the park.
It'll be our roommate-bonding thing.

Okay, let's go running!

- There's cute guys there.
- Let's run towards them!

Wait just one more second.

Hi, it's Phoebe and Rachel's.
Please leave a message. Thanks!

Wait a minute.
You took all the words!

You've met your match, Rachel Greene!



The One Where Phoebe Runs

I just finished this
fascinating book.

By the year 2030,
there'll be computers...

that can carry out the same amount
of functions as a human brain.

So, theoretically,
you could download...

your thoughts and memories
into this computer...

and live forever as a machine.

And I just realized I can sleep
with my eyes open.

Honey, it was a great idea,
nailing the boxes to the floor.

- I didn't nail the boxes to the floor.
- So you can move them!

And while I'm doing that, Ross has
a great computer story for you.

Hey, everybody!
I'd like you to meet Janine.

She's gonna be my new roommate!

And she's gonna live with me!

It's nice to meet you. Janine...?

Le Croix.

I didn't know that.
What a pretty last name.

So where are you from?

Australia. I just moved here.

From the land down under?

I didn't know that either!

So what do you do?

- I'm a dancer.
- You're a dancer?

She's a dancer!

I think I'll go unpack.

Did you interview her
before you asked her to move in?

Of course!

What did you ask her?

When can you move in?

Thank you for bringing her
into our lives.

Unbelievable.

Down, boy.

Oh, no, no, no. She's not my type.
Not for me, she's not my type. She's too..

Beautiful, tall, sexy,
showing her stomach?

Look at all the boxes!

I cannot wait to ask her out.

Wait a minute.
You can't. She's your roommate.

It'll be too complicated.

Yeah, don't do it.

I mean, if you date her,
then I can't date her.

What if you started going out with her
and it didn't work out?

That's when I make my move.

Remember when you broke up
with Donna...

how horrible it was when you
bumped into her at the supermarket?

Oh, God, yeah.

Now imagine you live
at the supermarket.

Okay!

You're right! I don't want that.
I can't date her.

You'd better watch the flirting too,
because it could be trouble.

Well, that's gonna be tough, Mon.

It's hard for me to be around
an attractive woman and not flirt.

You're around me all the time,
and you don't flirt.

A little sad about that, sweetie?

I have to tie my shoes, so you
go ahead. I'll catch up.

Come on, that's not running!
Let's go!

I'm telling you, when she runs...

she looks like Kermit the Frog...

and the Six Million Dollar Man.

Monica had such a crush on him.

She used to kiss his poster
every night before she went to bed.

I used to do that too!

Did you also have his album,
"It's Not Easy Being Green"?

Oh, Mon.

So Phoebe runs weird, huh?

Yeah. And I know she'll
want to run again.

I don't know how to get out of it.
I mean, I live with her.

Why don't you be straight with her?
Tell her the truth.

You're right.
I should just tell her the truth.

Phoebe, Monica tripped me. I don't
think I can ever run again, ever!

But we were having so much fun.
All those cute guys were checking us out.

I know. They were definitely staring.

Why? Why would you do that?

I don't know.

Rachel, I'm sorry I hurt your ankles.

- Ankle.
- We'll see.

Okay. I am officially unpacked.

Thanks for helping me, man.

Joe?

Well, I guess Joey went home.

And look, there is still one box
I have to unpack.

I got you!

Oh, my God, you almost gave me
a heart attack.

It was so hard not to laugh.

Hey, the place looks great.

Not bad, right?

Monica's working late,
so I'm gonna make this place spotless.

You know what else I'll do?

I'm gonna go downstairs
and get her some flowers.

Who wouldn't want to live with me?

I don't.

No, I want to live with
the super-hot Australian dancer!

How's that going? Are you okay
with the not-flirting thing?

So far. But it's tough.

I've got this built-up flirting energy,
and I don't know how to get rid of it.

How you doing?

Get out!

Oh, man!

Sorry. There's just
more room out here.

No, you just reminded me
that I have to do my stretches too.

Why don't you try to be...?

- What's wrong?
- Nothing.

I didn't want you to touch me...

because I'm all sweaty
from the workout.

I'm gonna hit the shower.

Oh, my God!

Sorry about that stuff
hanging in there.

It's just my thongs are
too delicate for the dryer.

Oh, yeah, it's me.

I saw you grab your running shoes
this morning and sneak out.

You lied so you could run by yourself.

No, Phoebe, no. I was....

I was actually just checking...

to see...

if I could run. And I can!

Please, I'm not an idiot.

No, wait. Phoebe?

Wow. Couples who live together
do start to look alike.

I am working right now. So say what you
have to say and leave me alone!

Sound alike too.

So, Mondler....

What are you doing?

What does it look like?
I am cleaning.

Did you get Monica's authorization
to move all her stuff?

I don't need that.
I'll put everything back.

Put it back exactly
where you found it?

Yes. I'm gonna put it back
exactly where I found it.

First of all,
that attitude is not helping.

She won't care if I put her stuff
back in the same stupid place.

Hello? Did you just meet Monica?

She'll recognize
that I did a nice thing...

and appreciate it.

Actually, this will work out well.

Because when you move back
with Joey...

Joey's hot new roommate
can come live with me.

Oh, I see. You're trying
to freak me out.

Chandler, Monica is really weird
about this kind of stuff, all right?

Believe me, I lived with her for
16 years. She's going to freak out.

Oh, my God.
She's going to sit on you.

That probably won't hurt as much anymore.

No, she is not.
I'll prove it to you.

I'll call her right now.

Phone's done.

- Hey, Mon. How's it going?
- Terrible.

If I want something done right,
I have to do it myself.

Other people just wreck stuff.

I think I might kill someone tonight.

Come on, it can't be that bad.

The only thing getting me through...

is knowing I'll see you soon.

I might even try
to get out of here early.

It sounds like they need you there.

- You're just hanging out with Ross?
- It's all good! Okay, bye!

She's gonna kill me.

The phone was facing the other way.

And that goes back up there.

This is good. This is under control.
We should start with the big stuff.

That'll be the easiest.
Let's start with the couch.

I got it.

That doesn't look right.

What are you talking about?
The couch is in line with the carpet.

Then I can just walk over here
and casually put my feet up on....

Okay, here's what we do.

We move the couch
closer to the coffee table.

But then the back of the couch
won't line up with the carpet.

Well, we'll just move
the coffee table...

closer to the couch.

But then the coffee table
won't be centered in the seating area.

But the coffee table doesn't
match the table!

Look, what am I gonna do?

I'm not flirting, but I'm drawing
her to me like a moth to a flame!

What the hell's going on over here?

Monica's gonna kill you!

I need your help.

I have to do something
to repel this woman.

Wait a minute. Wait a minute.

You guys repel women all the time!

Hey, I've been married three times.

No, I've seen it happen.

You get a rapport going with a woman,
but somehow you manage to kill it.

Time after time after time after time.

What's your secret?

We do not repel women, okay?

That is completely untrue.

Oh, yes, we do, my man.

Remember when we went to a dance...

and you walked up to that girl
you liked and talked...

about the lrish potato famine?

What about you?
You weren't so hot either.

After everything he said,
he'd go..

Monica doesn't like that either.
I should stop doing that.

Girls don't like it when
I start talking about science.

That's not specific to girls.

This is great. What else?

They don't like you correcting
their grammar.

And they don't like it when you
explain why your jokes are funny.

They don't like it when you
keep asking them if they like you.

- Man, I am so lucky I have Monica.
- I'm never gonna find love again.

- Can I talk to you for a second?
- Sure.

Phoebe, I just wanted to say
I'm sorry, okay?

I handled the situation horribly.

And I should not have lied to you.

So what should you have done?

I should have told you the truth.

Which is?

Well, the reason I didn't
want to go running with you is...

because...

the way that you run
is just a little....

- So?
- It's embarrassing.

People were looking at us
like we were crazy.

- Why do you care?
- Because they're people!

People you don't know
and will never see again.

Yes, but still they are people...

with eyes.

I didn't get embarrassed
running next to Miss....

But okay.

I can see why running with me
would be embarrassing to you.

Okay. You're uptight.

What? I am not uptight.

I am not uptight, man.

That's okay. I'm not judging you.
That's just who you are.

I'm more free, you know.
I run like I did when I was a kid...

because that's the only way
it's fun, you know?

Didn't you ever run so fast
you thought your legs would fall off...

Like when you were running towards
the swings or running away from Satan?

The neighbor's dog.

Is this in the right place?

Who cares? I repel women.

You can't come in here!

Ross is naked!

I couldn't say I was naked,
because she's allowed to see me naked.

Why does anyone have to be naked?

Why is Ross naked?

I had to show Chandler something.

Naked?

I guess I have...

a "guy" problem.

Is it the same thing
Chandler had?

We'll get everything squared away,
and you can come back later!

There's still some of Chandler's
medicine in the bathroom.

- Bye.
- Bye!

Thank God.

Dude, what'd you have?

We have no time, okay?
We must focus.

We've got to get everything
back into its original place.

The photo album!

There were millions of pictures
of the apartment in the photo album.

We just match everything
to the pictures!

That's perfect! That's brilliant!

What'd you have?

I've got some beer for you.

Don't you mean "for whom"?

Sure.

I was gonna order some pizza.
You wanna share one?

Pizza? It's not like I never
had that before.

Is something wrong?

Yeah. I'm depressed about that
Irish potato famine.

No, I mean with me. Because you seem
to be acting really weird around me.

All right, all right.

Let's just get this
out in the open, okay?

You're hot.

I'm lovable.

Clearly, there's a vibe
going on between us.

But we're roommates...

and it's a huge mistake
for us to continue down this road.

Imagine living in a supermarket...

and you'll understand.

Okay? So the question is,
what do we do?

There isn't anything to do.

I think you're really sweet.

But I'm not interested
in you like that.

No, I mean....

You're a nice guy, and I'm happy
to be your roommate and your friend.

I'm just, you know, I just...

don't feel that way about you.

I see what happened.

It's because I was trying
to repel you.

Right? Believe me, you'd feel
a lot different if I turned it on.

- I don't think so.
- Oh, I do.

How you doing?

I'm okay.

What?

What?

Oh, dear God!

I'm so sorry. You're right.
This feels great!

And you don't care if people stare.
It's only a second. Then you're gone!

It's amazing!
I feel so free and so graceful!

Watch out for the horse.

Can I come in now?

- Why is everything different?
- Bye.

I don't see anything different...

other than the fact that the room
got brighter when you came into it.

The end table is wrong,
the couch looks bizarre...

and don't even get me started
on the refrigerator magnets.

Okay, don't be mad, okay?

After I unpacked the boxes, I wanted
to do something nice for you...

so I cleaned the apartment.

So I moved everything around,
and then I forgot...

where it went back.
I'm sorry, I'm very sorry, I'm sorry.

That's okay.

Are you afraid of me or something?

Do you want me to be afraid of you?

Of course not.

My gosh, Chandler, what you did
is a wonderful thing...

and I really appreciate it.

I have this thing where I want
everything in the perfect place.

But I'd never expect you
to worry about that.

Really?

Of course.

Oh, you're the best.

You come here to me.

Hold on, okay?
First things first.

Did Ross sit anywhere
while he was naked?

It said that by the year 2030...

there'll be computers carrying
out the same number of functions...

as an actual human brain.

So, theoretically, you could
download your thoughts...

and your memories
into this computer..

And live forever as a machine.

Janine, do you know
what we're doing right now?

You and I, we're interfacing.

I gotta go.