Fresh Off the Boat (2015–…): Season 1, Episode 10 - Blind Spot - full transcript
Louis annoys Jessica by failing to get jealous at a visit from their study buddy Oscar Chow, her first steady boyfriend, instead enjoying his generosity. While his nerd brothers prepared the science fair for months, Eddie only notices now it's in a few days, is clueless to build something as expected by family tradition and hopes to use Evan's chicken pocks to either get sick too and be excused or infect Emory and steal a finished project, which both fail, yet yield a surprising alternative. The couple learns Oscar is really gay and actually always was interested in Louis.
In some Asian
households, science-fair week is no joke.
When your people invented everything
from gunpowder to Sudafed...
nobody is cool with you phoning it in.
Oh, Luigi, should we get married?
There's no rush-a!
We have all the time in the world!
Little do you know,
she already has another suitor... death.
And with every grade competing
and a pizza party on the line for the winner...
even the nice kids got cutthroat.
I mean, it's good,
but is it "pizza party" good?
What up, youngsters?
What are you making
for the science fair, Eddie?
Oh, crap! The science fair?
I thought you guys were just being nerds.
It's both. Projects are due Monday.
Monday? I thought we had six months
to think of something!
- We did, six months ago.
- Don't worry, Eddie.
I'll save you a slice of pizza.
Pizza is what they give to the winner.
I'm implying that I'll be the winner.
Maybe I still have some time
to think of something.
She was pregnant.
you're going to have to go and steal it
back from that bird."
You know?
Mr. Huang, you are so funny.
Oh, Vanessa, you're just saying
that 'cause I'm the boss.
No, I'm not.
I think that the sexiest part
about a man is his funny bone.
- Mm.
- I bet you have a big bone.
Funny you should say that.
I do have unusually large bones.
It runs in my family.
You should've seen my grandfather...
bones like cinder blocks.
Went swimming one time.
Sunk like a stone. Died.
Anyway, keep up the good work.
Hey, Louis, guess what.
Oscar Chow is coming to Orlando!
- Oscar Chow from college?
- Yes!
He called me this morning.
I was gonna invite him to stay with us...
but I wasn't sure if you'd be comfortable.
Why would I not be comfortable?
I'm like a beanbag chair...
almost always comfortable.
Because Oscar and I used to date.
We were like Patrick Swayze
and Demi Moore in Ghost...
except we were alive and in college.
Oh, that? Ancient history. I love Oscar.
Okay. Good.
Uh, bad news, boss.
Mitch is out sick with the chicken pox.
Poor Mitch. Even when it comes to viruses,
he's an ideal host.
I couldn't help overhearing...
because, well, I was listening...
I think it's great that Louis isn't one
of those jealous types.
Because if one of my exes came to visit...
well, Herb would probably just
drive his car right into the lake again.
- You know how Herb gets.
- Yes. Herb.
Thanks again for letting me borrow
your air mattress, Honey.
I should get my own, but I am very cheap.
It's no problem.
You have relatives in town
for the weekend?
Oh, no. This is actually for
my college ex-boyfriend, Oscar.
I would have him stay on the sofa bed...
but Eddie spilled oyster sauce on it...
so now it smells like an aquarium.
Wow. And Louis is okay with that?
Well, he was upset at first.
But you know how oyster sauce is.
You can scrub and scrub...
No. No, I meant about your ex-boyfriend
staying with you.
Marvin would never let
any of my ex-boyfriends stay with us.
- He's too jealous.
- Nancy said the same thing about Herb.
- Who's Nancy?
- Herb's girlfriend.
Ah. Well, Marvin thinks I'm such a catch
that other men can't be trusted around me.
That's terrible.
Yeah. It's terrible.
Anyway, uh, you should feel lucky...
that you don't have to deal
with that from Louis.
Yes.
Lucky.
If you need a second opinion...
you should ask one of the other kids
building a volcano.
I hear it's this year's "potato battery."
Make some noise for the power of science!
- What is that?
- It's a football, and it's a phone!
Eddie, you need to apply yourself.
If you keep looking for shortcuts...
you'll never realize your potential.
Where'd you learn that? Oprah?
Barney.
On Oprah.
What's your project, huh?
Watch.
Ripped By mstoll
It breaks down Dr Pepper
into its 23 individual flavors.
You're not gonna believe this.
One of them isn't pepper.
Damn, son.
You unlocked the Doc.
There goes my pizza party.
There's no way I'm beating Evan now.
Yo. What's that on your arm?
Mm.
Chicken pox.
Need to work on... project.
The only things you need are bed rest...
ironically, chicken soup...
and the healing powers
of white flower oil.
- But it smells.
- Shh.
Focus on absorbing the oil.
- Science fair.
- No science fair.
Yes! Looks like
I'm winning the pizza party!
What? I can't have a dark side?
Okay, everybody,
we can't have Oscar Chow...
staying in a house full of invalids.
So everybody out.
Grandma's room is now a quarantine zone.
Like Outbreak. Great movie.
Is that the one with the cute monkey?
Emery, if you ever see a monkey like that,
you run, okay?
You run and you don't look back.
And stay away from Evan,
because he is contagious.
Your mother's right. We don't want you
boys missing the science fair.
You can't stay in this room,
or you're gonna get the chicken pox.
Guys, come on.
Let's go. Get out of there.
Oscar will be here any minute.
Oh, boy.
Oscar Chow. What a guy.
So I thought I would
take Oscar Jacuzzi shopping...
at that place that lets you
test-drive the Jacuzzi.
I think I'll wear my red bikini.
Hmm. Is Oscar looking for a Jacuzzi?
He's gonna have to ship it.
Well, maybe we'll go
for massages afterwards.
Hmm, shiatsu.
Did you know there's a ranch in Japan
where they massage the cows?
Talk about lucky cows.
Are you sure you're not jealous, Louis?
It is okay if you are.
Jealous of Oscar?
No.
Because, you know, they say
you never get over your first love.
Mmm. My first love was Dolly Parton.
What a butt.
Be more jealous!
Why aren't you more jealous?
You want me to be jealous of Oscar?
Jessica, that's crazy.
Oh, so it's so crazy that other men
might find me attractive?
No.
Oscar!
Did somebody say "croquembouche"?
The sugar is the scaffolding.
And these are for you, Eddie.
I don't know if boys are still into
wind chimes these days...
but I hope their gentle tinklings
will always remind you of home.
- Uh...
- He loves them.
Thank you, Oscar!
So thoughtful.
So attentive.
So, Oscar, what brings you to Orlando?
I'm auditioning for the Aladdin
Ice Show Spectacular.
- Oh!
- It's going to be my big break.
I can just feel it.
Well, you were always such an athlete.
Well, I'm gonna go freshen up.
Boys, show Oscar to the guest bathroom.
We have a guest bathroom?
The bathroom.
- You don't see it?
- See what?
Jessica, he's gay.
Oscar Chow is very, very gay.
Gay? That's ridiculous.
Oscar is not gay.
We dated for an entire summer in college.
- Did he ever kiss you?
- Of course he...
- Forehead doesn't count.
- He's a gentleman.
Jessica, everyone knows you have
a blind spot when it comes to gay people.
Your gaydar is broken.
You can't tell if someone's gay.
Well, that is not true.
Boys, stop fighting!
Why can't you be more like them?
So nice to see brothers getting along.
A gang!
I don't get it.
This movie has nothing
to do with Philadelphia.
- Shh!
- They should put Rocky in this movie.
It would liven things up.
That doesn't prove anything.
Just because... Wait.
Who was gay in Philadelphia?
How's my favorite little brother do...
I know you want my chicken pox
so you can get out of the science fair.
Great. Then we're on the same page.
Now, give me those sweet pox.
Sorry, Eddie. I don't want to see you
waste your potential.
But the science fair's on Friday,
and I got no ideas!
Science is all around us.
Besides, I'm saving my germs
for someone else.
So beautiful. So tragic.
Is this science?
I can't believe we're still
having this conversation.
He's a dancer auditioning
for Aladdin, on ice.
That dude gay.
He is an athlete
auditioning for Aladdin...
which is very physically demanding.
So much carpet.
Jessica, the closest Oscar
ever got to being an athlete...
was coaching
high school cheerleading in college.
The man practically
invented "The Flying Liza."
He's straight, Louis,
and you better watch out.
If you're not careful,
Oscar might steal me...
from right underneath your little...
I hope you don't mind
that I borrowed this robe.
Very swish.
Oh, my God. Oscar Chow is gay.
Um, duh!
Evan, I made you an oatmeal bath.
Coming, Daddy!
Take that, Emery.
- Wait. Eddie?
- Take that, science.
Whoo!
How did I miss that Oscar was gay?
There must have been clues.
Well, that's maybe a clue.
And that.
- I feel so silly.
- Oh.
Aw. This is a nice one.
I'd recognize that look anywhere.
- That is the look of love.
- Yeah, but he's not looking at me.
I wonder who he was looking at.
Oh, my God.
Damn.
Oh, girl.
Hello, chicken pox.
What the hell?
- Evan, you were supposed to give me...
- Not now, Eddie.
Your brother has the chicken pox.
- What?
- Nice work, germs.
Is, uh, everything okay?
I didn't sleep at all last night.
Oh. Well, let me make you some coffee...
in my new French press
that Oscar bought me.
It's amazing.
I don't see the guy for 10 years...
and he still remembers
how I like my coffee.
- He's in love with you, Louis!
- Jessica, don't be crazy.
- I think I would know if Oscar Chow was
in love with me. - No, you wouldn't.
Everybody knows you have a blind spot
when it comes to love.
Your lovedar is broken.
- My what?
- Your lovedar.
You can't tell when people like you.
It took six kayak trips
before you realized I liked you.
I just thought you loved rapids.
Who loves rapids?
And remember Amy Johnson from college?
She liked you too.
- Amy Johnson liked me?
- Mm-hmm.
She was hot.
Hey, Oscar, remember
Boobie Johnson from college?
Apparently, she had a thing for me.
Um, duh, Louis.
All the girls had a thing for you.
But none of them could have you
because you were dating me.
Okay, wait.
Oscar, I'm really confused.
I am so sorry if you misunderstood
our relationship.
I didn't misunderstand anything.
We dated for three months.
I introduced you to my parents.
As your friend!
Nothing romantic ever happened.
Have you forgotten about
our Friday dinner dates?
You mean "frinner"? Friends-dinner?
- We always split dessert.
- Because we were broke.
I love sharing desserts with you, Louis.
Me too. So affordable.
We're just old friends.
You think I buy $150 French presses
for old friends?
Wait. So you bought Louis
a $150 French press...
and all I get...
is an Orlando sweatshirt?
I live in Orlando.
It was all they had at the airport.
- At the airport?
- I'm sorry, Oscar...
but I never had those feelings for you.
You know, when I came down here
to visit you, Louis...
I didn't expect a rewriting of history.
If anybody wants me, I'll be in
the guest bathroom, feeling humiliated.
Oh, come on, Oscar. I...
Oh. Oh, you just want your juice. Okay.
Well, you were right not to feel jealous.
What are you talking about?
All this time, I just wanted you
to see what a catch I was...
but now I realize that the real catch
has always been you.
I was just enjoying my French press, and...
What am I gonna do? The science fair
is in two hours, and I got nothing!
I can't even find my football phone.
You can enter my volcano into the science fair,
Eddie. The world deserves to see it.
Tight! Thank you.
Okay, walk me through it.
Okay, so you know how the Earth's crust
is broken up into 17 tectonic...
Let me stop you right there. Too complicated.
No one's gonna believe I made that.
- Oh, fine. Come over here and I'll cough
in your ear. - It's too late for that.
The incubation period for chicken pox
is at least 48 hours.
This sucks. I did everything right.
I even went to the library
and researched it.
Wait. You did research?
That's how I knew the virus was airborne.
I should be covered in a skin rash
that starts at my torso...
and works its way down to my limbs
in a period of three to seven days.
Damn you, varicella zoster virus!
What?
Eddie, you may not
have caught the chicken pox...
but you caught something better...
knowledge.
Oh, snap. I accidentally learned!
But I still don't have a project.
Well, lucky for you,
we Huangs have science in our blood.
- Evan? - I need poster boards,
markers and glitter glue.
We have 90 minutes, gentlemen.
Let's make 'em count.
- Come on!
- Whoo!
I mean, I just didn't see it.
I can't believe my lovedar
was broken for so long.
Well, I am so glad that it's fixed now.
You and me both.
Well, thank you
for keeping my knee warm.
Hopefully you can return the favor.
Gladly.
The old Huang fire rub.
Ow. Ow. Ow. Okay, it feels weird.
- Really?
- No. It doesn't feel good.
I...
Hello, Louis.
Oscar. What are you doing here?
Room for dessert?
I'm sorry about storming out before.
I let my emotions get the best of me.
Look, I know nothing
ever happened between us...
but I was confused about who I was,
and I felt safe around you.
Well, that explains
all the couples Halloween costumes.
We made a great Wham!
I guess Jessica was right.
I do have a blind spot when it comes
to people having feelings for me.
I'm sorry if I made things
difficult for you, Oscar.
Difficult?
You helped me realize who I am.
Without you, I never would've felt
confident enough to come out to the world.
- Hmm. - And seeing what a great
family you and Jessica have...
it gives me hope that one day
I could find that with somebody too.
He's out there...
and I'm jealous of all the delicious
French pastries that guy has in his future.
Do you know where Jessica is?
I'd really like to explain things
to her, as well.
There's a bar she goes to sometimes
when she's feeling low.
- Does she know this is a...
- No.
Buy you a drink?
No, thanks.
People have been buying me drinks all day.
The women here are so sweet.
These two sperm bags
giving you any trouble?
What's the matter?
You guys tired of running the world?
I'm a gay Asian, okay?
The only thing I run is half-marathons.
Proceed.
Thanks, Bev.
That's why I like to come here.
I can have a drink without being bothered.
Plus, it's all women, so I feel safe.
- I said I closed out 18.
- The hell you did!
Aah!
We should've never
moved in together so soon!
I just don't understand. If you knew you
were gay, then why did you even date me?
Was it because you felt bad for me?
Felt bad for you?
Jessica, I'm gonna let you in
on a little gay secret.
Rule number one of being in the closet:
If you don't want anyone to suspect
you're gay, date the hottest girl in school.
Boobie Johnson?
No. You.
You know, gay men
are not the only ones...
who wanna date
the hottest girl in school.
Or at least take her kayaking
half a dozen times.
So what you're saying is, it doesn't
matter if you're gay or straight.
The one thing we can all agree on
is that I am hot.
You need me to do something about this?
Oh, no, it's just my husband
and my ex-boyfriend.
Okay. Bev and I are going
through a rough patch.
She took the Tacoma.
I don't know where she went.
Uh, let's go.
I don't like the way
this lady's looking at you.
Louis Huang.
Are you jealous?
I don't have to be jealous.
It's everybody else
who should be jealous... of me.
I got the best one.
But I am also the hottest one.
Yes, you are also the hottest one.
- Yo, yo, yo!
- The pizza party?
Oh, my gosh, Eddie. You won?
No. Cindy Horowitz did.
She taught a bird how to use a calculator.
I got a C-plus.
But at least I had a project.
I picked this up for you guys
on the way home.
- Dig in, yo.
- Yay!
Evan, you can't have dairy!
If an angry pizza delivery boy shows up,
you don't know me.
That's my ex-boyfriend.
Mine too.
Thanks, guys! Fingers crossed!
I have a really good feeling
about this audition.
I think that's a good idea.
Hmm.
Ripped By mstoll
households, science-fair week is no joke.
When your people invented everything
from gunpowder to Sudafed...
nobody is cool with you phoning it in.
Oh, Luigi, should we get married?
There's no rush-a!
We have all the time in the world!
Little do you know,
she already has another suitor... death.
And with every grade competing
and a pizza party on the line for the winner...
even the nice kids got cutthroat.
I mean, it's good,
but is it "pizza party" good?
What up, youngsters?
What are you making
for the science fair, Eddie?
Oh, crap! The science fair?
I thought you guys were just being nerds.
It's both. Projects are due Monday.
Monday? I thought we had six months
to think of something!
- We did, six months ago.
- Don't worry, Eddie.
I'll save you a slice of pizza.
Pizza is what they give to the winner.
I'm implying that I'll be the winner.
Maybe I still have some time
to think of something.
She was pregnant.
you're going to have to go and steal it
back from that bird."
You know?
Mr. Huang, you are so funny.
Oh, Vanessa, you're just saying
that 'cause I'm the boss.
No, I'm not.
I think that the sexiest part
about a man is his funny bone.
- Mm.
- I bet you have a big bone.
Funny you should say that.
I do have unusually large bones.
It runs in my family.
You should've seen my grandfather...
bones like cinder blocks.
Went swimming one time.
Sunk like a stone. Died.
Anyway, keep up the good work.
Hey, Louis, guess what.
Oscar Chow is coming to Orlando!
- Oscar Chow from college?
- Yes!
He called me this morning.
I was gonna invite him to stay with us...
but I wasn't sure if you'd be comfortable.
Why would I not be comfortable?
I'm like a beanbag chair...
almost always comfortable.
Because Oscar and I used to date.
We were like Patrick Swayze
and Demi Moore in Ghost...
except we were alive and in college.
Oh, that? Ancient history. I love Oscar.
Okay. Good.
Uh, bad news, boss.
Mitch is out sick with the chicken pox.
Poor Mitch. Even when it comes to viruses,
he's an ideal host.
I couldn't help overhearing...
because, well, I was listening...
I think it's great that Louis isn't one
of those jealous types.
Because if one of my exes came to visit...
well, Herb would probably just
drive his car right into the lake again.
- You know how Herb gets.
- Yes. Herb.
Thanks again for letting me borrow
your air mattress, Honey.
I should get my own, but I am very cheap.
It's no problem.
You have relatives in town
for the weekend?
Oh, no. This is actually for
my college ex-boyfriend, Oscar.
I would have him stay on the sofa bed...
but Eddie spilled oyster sauce on it...
so now it smells like an aquarium.
Wow. And Louis is okay with that?
Well, he was upset at first.
But you know how oyster sauce is.
You can scrub and scrub...
No. No, I meant about your ex-boyfriend
staying with you.
Marvin would never let
any of my ex-boyfriends stay with us.
- He's too jealous.
- Nancy said the same thing about Herb.
- Who's Nancy?
- Herb's girlfriend.
Ah. Well, Marvin thinks I'm such a catch
that other men can't be trusted around me.
That's terrible.
Yeah. It's terrible.
Anyway, uh, you should feel lucky...
that you don't have to deal
with that from Louis.
Yes.
Lucky.
If you need a second opinion...
you should ask one of the other kids
building a volcano.
I hear it's this year's "potato battery."
Make some noise for the power of science!
- What is that?
- It's a football, and it's a phone!
Eddie, you need to apply yourself.
If you keep looking for shortcuts...
you'll never realize your potential.
Where'd you learn that? Oprah?
Barney.
On Oprah.
What's your project, huh?
Watch.
Ripped By mstoll
It breaks down Dr Pepper
into its 23 individual flavors.
You're not gonna believe this.
One of them isn't pepper.
Damn, son.
You unlocked the Doc.
There goes my pizza party.
There's no way I'm beating Evan now.
Yo. What's that on your arm?
Mm.
Chicken pox.
Need to work on... project.
The only things you need are bed rest...
ironically, chicken soup...
and the healing powers
of white flower oil.
- But it smells.
- Shh.
Focus on absorbing the oil.
- Science fair.
- No science fair.
Yes! Looks like
I'm winning the pizza party!
What? I can't have a dark side?
Okay, everybody,
we can't have Oscar Chow...
staying in a house full of invalids.
So everybody out.
Grandma's room is now a quarantine zone.
Like Outbreak. Great movie.
Is that the one with the cute monkey?
Emery, if you ever see a monkey like that,
you run, okay?
You run and you don't look back.
And stay away from Evan,
because he is contagious.
Your mother's right. We don't want you
boys missing the science fair.
You can't stay in this room,
or you're gonna get the chicken pox.
Guys, come on.
Let's go. Get out of there.
Oscar will be here any minute.
Oh, boy.
Oscar Chow. What a guy.
So I thought I would
take Oscar Jacuzzi shopping...
at that place that lets you
test-drive the Jacuzzi.
I think I'll wear my red bikini.
Hmm. Is Oscar looking for a Jacuzzi?
He's gonna have to ship it.
Well, maybe we'll go
for massages afterwards.
Hmm, shiatsu.
Did you know there's a ranch in Japan
where they massage the cows?
Talk about lucky cows.
Are you sure you're not jealous, Louis?
It is okay if you are.
Jealous of Oscar?
No.
Because, you know, they say
you never get over your first love.
Mmm. My first love was Dolly Parton.
What a butt.
Be more jealous!
Why aren't you more jealous?
You want me to be jealous of Oscar?
Jessica, that's crazy.
Oh, so it's so crazy that other men
might find me attractive?
No.
Oscar!
Did somebody say "croquembouche"?
The sugar is the scaffolding.
And these are for you, Eddie.
I don't know if boys are still into
wind chimes these days...
but I hope their gentle tinklings
will always remind you of home.
- Uh...
- He loves them.
Thank you, Oscar!
So thoughtful.
So attentive.
So, Oscar, what brings you to Orlando?
I'm auditioning for the Aladdin
Ice Show Spectacular.
- Oh!
- It's going to be my big break.
I can just feel it.
Well, you were always such an athlete.
Well, I'm gonna go freshen up.
Boys, show Oscar to the guest bathroom.
We have a guest bathroom?
The bathroom.
- You don't see it?
- See what?
Jessica, he's gay.
Oscar Chow is very, very gay.
Gay? That's ridiculous.
Oscar is not gay.
We dated for an entire summer in college.
- Did he ever kiss you?
- Of course he...
- Forehead doesn't count.
- He's a gentleman.
Jessica, everyone knows you have
a blind spot when it comes to gay people.
Your gaydar is broken.
You can't tell if someone's gay.
Well, that is not true.
Boys, stop fighting!
Why can't you be more like them?
So nice to see brothers getting along.
A gang!
I don't get it.
This movie has nothing
to do with Philadelphia.
- Shh!
- They should put Rocky in this movie.
It would liven things up.
That doesn't prove anything.
Just because... Wait.
Who was gay in Philadelphia?
How's my favorite little brother do...
I know you want my chicken pox
so you can get out of the science fair.
Great. Then we're on the same page.
Now, give me those sweet pox.
Sorry, Eddie. I don't want to see you
waste your potential.
But the science fair's on Friday,
and I got no ideas!
Science is all around us.
Besides, I'm saving my germs
for someone else.
So beautiful. So tragic.
Is this science?
I can't believe we're still
having this conversation.
He's a dancer auditioning
for Aladdin, on ice.
That dude gay.
He is an athlete
auditioning for Aladdin...
which is very physically demanding.
So much carpet.
Jessica, the closest Oscar
ever got to being an athlete...
was coaching
high school cheerleading in college.
The man practically
invented "The Flying Liza."
He's straight, Louis,
and you better watch out.
If you're not careful,
Oscar might steal me...
from right underneath your little...
I hope you don't mind
that I borrowed this robe.
Very swish.
Oh, my God. Oscar Chow is gay.
Um, duh!
Evan, I made you an oatmeal bath.
Coming, Daddy!
Take that, Emery.
- Wait. Eddie?
- Take that, science.
Whoo!
How did I miss that Oscar was gay?
There must have been clues.
Well, that's maybe a clue.
And that.
- I feel so silly.
- Oh.
Aw. This is a nice one.
I'd recognize that look anywhere.
- That is the look of love.
- Yeah, but he's not looking at me.
I wonder who he was looking at.
Oh, my God.
Damn.
Oh, girl.
Hello, chicken pox.
What the hell?
- Evan, you were supposed to give me...
- Not now, Eddie.
Your brother has the chicken pox.
- What?
- Nice work, germs.
Is, uh, everything okay?
I didn't sleep at all last night.
Oh. Well, let me make you some coffee...
in my new French press
that Oscar bought me.
It's amazing.
I don't see the guy for 10 years...
and he still remembers
how I like my coffee.
- He's in love with you, Louis!
- Jessica, don't be crazy.
- I think I would know if Oscar Chow was
in love with me. - No, you wouldn't.
Everybody knows you have a blind spot
when it comes to love.
Your lovedar is broken.
- My what?
- Your lovedar.
You can't tell when people like you.
It took six kayak trips
before you realized I liked you.
I just thought you loved rapids.
Who loves rapids?
And remember Amy Johnson from college?
She liked you too.
- Amy Johnson liked me?
- Mm-hmm.
She was hot.
Hey, Oscar, remember
Boobie Johnson from college?
Apparently, she had a thing for me.
Um, duh, Louis.
All the girls had a thing for you.
But none of them could have you
because you were dating me.
Okay, wait.
Oscar, I'm really confused.
I am so sorry if you misunderstood
our relationship.
I didn't misunderstand anything.
We dated for three months.
I introduced you to my parents.
As your friend!
Nothing romantic ever happened.
Have you forgotten about
our Friday dinner dates?
You mean "frinner"? Friends-dinner?
- We always split dessert.
- Because we were broke.
I love sharing desserts with you, Louis.
Me too. So affordable.
We're just old friends.
You think I buy $150 French presses
for old friends?
Wait. So you bought Louis
a $150 French press...
and all I get...
is an Orlando sweatshirt?
I live in Orlando.
It was all they had at the airport.
- At the airport?
- I'm sorry, Oscar...
but I never had those feelings for you.
You know, when I came down here
to visit you, Louis...
I didn't expect a rewriting of history.
If anybody wants me, I'll be in
the guest bathroom, feeling humiliated.
Oh, come on, Oscar. I...
Oh. Oh, you just want your juice. Okay.
Well, you were right not to feel jealous.
What are you talking about?
All this time, I just wanted you
to see what a catch I was...
but now I realize that the real catch
has always been you.
I was just enjoying my French press, and...
What am I gonna do? The science fair
is in two hours, and I got nothing!
I can't even find my football phone.
You can enter my volcano into the science fair,
Eddie. The world deserves to see it.
Tight! Thank you.
Okay, walk me through it.
Okay, so you know how the Earth's crust
is broken up into 17 tectonic...
Let me stop you right there. Too complicated.
No one's gonna believe I made that.
- Oh, fine. Come over here and I'll cough
in your ear. - It's too late for that.
The incubation period for chicken pox
is at least 48 hours.
This sucks. I did everything right.
I even went to the library
and researched it.
Wait. You did research?
That's how I knew the virus was airborne.
I should be covered in a skin rash
that starts at my torso...
and works its way down to my limbs
in a period of three to seven days.
Damn you, varicella zoster virus!
What?
Eddie, you may not
have caught the chicken pox...
but you caught something better...
knowledge.
Oh, snap. I accidentally learned!
But I still don't have a project.
Well, lucky for you,
we Huangs have science in our blood.
- Evan? - I need poster boards,
markers and glitter glue.
We have 90 minutes, gentlemen.
Let's make 'em count.
- Come on!
- Whoo!
I mean, I just didn't see it.
I can't believe my lovedar
was broken for so long.
Well, I am so glad that it's fixed now.
You and me both.
Well, thank you
for keeping my knee warm.
Hopefully you can return the favor.
Gladly.
The old Huang fire rub.
Ow. Ow. Ow. Okay, it feels weird.
- Really?
- No. It doesn't feel good.
I...
Hello, Louis.
Oscar. What are you doing here?
Room for dessert?
I'm sorry about storming out before.
I let my emotions get the best of me.
Look, I know nothing
ever happened between us...
but I was confused about who I was,
and I felt safe around you.
Well, that explains
all the couples Halloween costumes.
We made a great Wham!
I guess Jessica was right.
I do have a blind spot when it comes
to people having feelings for me.
I'm sorry if I made things
difficult for you, Oscar.
Difficult?
You helped me realize who I am.
Without you, I never would've felt
confident enough to come out to the world.
- Hmm. - And seeing what a great
family you and Jessica have...
it gives me hope that one day
I could find that with somebody too.
He's out there...
and I'm jealous of all the delicious
French pastries that guy has in his future.
Do you know where Jessica is?
I'd really like to explain things
to her, as well.
There's a bar she goes to sometimes
when she's feeling low.
- Does she know this is a...
- No.
Buy you a drink?
No, thanks.
People have been buying me drinks all day.
The women here are so sweet.
These two sperm bags
giving you any trouble?
What's the matter?
You guys tired of running the world?
I'm a gay Asian, okay?
The only thing I run is half-marathons.
Proceed.
Thanks, Bev.
That's why I like to come here.
I can have a drink without being bothered.
Plus, it's all women, so I feel safe.
- I said I closed out 18.
- The hell you did!
Aah!
We should've never
moved in together so soon!
I just don't understand. If you knew you
were gay, then why did you even date me?
Was it because you felt bad for me?
Felt bad for you?
Jessica, I'm gonna let you in
on a little gay secret.
Rule number one of being in the closet:
If you don't want anyone to suspect
you're gay, date the hottest girl in school.
Boobie Johnson?
No. You.
You know, gay men
are not the only ones...
who wanna date
the hottest girl in school.
Or at least take her kayaking
half a dozen times.
So what you're saying is, it doesn't
matter if you're gay or straight.
The one thing we can all agree on
is that I am hot.
You need me to do something about this?
Oh, no, it's just my husband
and my ex-boyfriend.
Okay. Bev and I are going
through a rough patch.
She took the Tacoma.
I don't know where she went.
Uh, let's go.
I don't like the way
this lady's looking at you.
Louis Huang.
Are you jealous?
I don't have to be jealous.
It's everybody else
who should be jealous... of me.
I got the best one.
But I am also the hottest one.
Yes, you are also the hottest one.
- Yo, yo, yo!
- The pizza party?
Oh, my gosh, Eddie. You won?
No. Cindy Horowitz did.
She taught a bird how to use a calculator.
I got a C-plus.
But at least I had a project.
I picked this up for you guys
on the way home.
- Dig in, yo.
- Yay!
Evan, you can't have dairy!
If an angry pizza delivery boy shows up,
you don't know me.
That's my ex-boyfriend.
Mine too.
Thanks, guys! Fingers crossed!
I have a really good feeling
about this audition.
I think that's a good idea.
Hmm.
Ripped By mstoll