Freakshow (2013–…): Season 2, Episode 10 - Breaking World Records - full transcript

Right now, on "Freakshow."

This man is gonna go
for his 30th world record.

This week, we've got
a big, world-record event.

[Audience groaning]

I invited some neighbors
over for dinner.

- What?
- What do you guys do?

We run a place called
"The Venice Beach Freakshow."

- Uh-huh.
- Okay.

[Screaming]

[Screaming]

- [Screaming]
- Oh, God.



[Laughing]

Folks, today, you will witness

the strangest creatures on earth,

the living wonders of the world,

and the most amazing people on the planet.

They're all inside.

What you thought was a myth,

you will see with your own eyes.

Welcome to "The Freakshow."

You're thinking of it...
Too much of an angle

to do the rap-around, so just... just make

the crack there... perfect.

I want this act to be, like,

kind of a release performance.



For your anger management program.

Yeah, kind of.

- I like that.
- Whoa!

Uh-oh!

- There you go.
- Great... wow!

This week, I'm holding
a world-record event

you will remember forever,

and Asia is working on a death-defying act

that involves whips, Morgue,
and sword-swallowing.

She's gonna try to use her whip

to hit a target on the end of a sword

that's in his belly,
and if she hits it wrong,

that sword is gonna slice him inside out.

I mean, if she hits that handle,

I... I... I'm either gonna die
or go to the emergency room.

You can trust me.

- Hey, Danielle!
- What?

Look what I got.

My friends sent me some new presents.

- Oh, my gosh!
- I know, right?

You got any friends in there for me?

Uh, maybe... I don't know.

Let's see.

Oh, yeah...

Here's you a new friend, right there.

- What the hell is that?
- [Laughing]

That is a pig that
was born with his brain

on the outside of its head,

and the vet decided to cut
it off to preserve it.

- Aw, it's so cute.
- For us.

And listen, this is
from a farmer in Texas,

and he killed this animal.

The animal was in an animal trap

and had chewed its foot off.

What the hell kinda animal is it?

He believes it was a real chupacabra.

He's got the body...
He's getting it tested...

And I got the foot that
the animal chewed off.

- Oh, my God!
- Oh, look at that!

- Whew!
- Look at that.

Ew, that stinks, Todd.

- Oh, my gosh...
- How cool is that, though?

And look right there...

That's where the animal
actually chewed its foot off.

Seriously... I feel like
we need to, like...

Do things like invite people over

for dinner, have cocktails.

Maybe, it is our time to,
like, kinda have fun...

Like, what about neighbors?

Like, we've been here
so long, we know no...

We don't even, like, meet any...

Do you really want
the neighbors to come over?

Have you thought about it?

Why?

I don't know... they might bug out.

I can't believe I'm actually
at this point of my life

that the kids are, like, growing up

and I'm becoming, like, an empty-nester.

Me and Todd were like 20 years old

when we got pregnant with Asia,

so I'm like, now, it's kind of our turn

to get back to being just
me and Todd and having fun.

You know, it's pretty
suburban here, and, you know...

- Yeah, it's very...
- People are pretty straight-laced.

But you never judge a book by its cover.

You should know that.

I... I... I know... you're right.

How about this, let's think about it,

for right now, let's just...

But promise me you're gonna think about it.

- I will think about it.
- Okay.

But for right now, let's just try

to find a place for this foot.

It is really cool.

It could be a back-scratcher.

[Laughing]

You want me to...?

Oh, oh... I see my friend!

- Wow!
- What's up, man!

Good to see you!

Well, this week, we've got

a big, world-record event going on.

We hope to break some
world-records right here

in front of "The Freakshow."

I've invited my friend,
Chayne the Space Cowboy,

all the way from Australia.

This man is an incredible
side-show performer.

He holds 29 world records for everything

from underwater sword-swallowing
to chain-saw juggling.

Something crazy is gonna happen this week.

Wow, look at this.

Chayne, we expanded a little bit.

Yeah, it's definitely changed.

I'm just really happy you're here.

What put you on your trail

for having all these
world-records, big dog?

Uh, I've been performing
since I was a little kid,

when I was eight years old.

- Okay.
- I started unicycling and juggling,

and then, I wanted to
do more extreme things,

so I started sword-swallowing
when I was 16.

I've been into knife-throwing
my whole life

and just kind of...
Yeah, I like the bizarre,

I like the extreme, and
so, that's what I do.

You really are, in my opinion,

one of the greatest in the world.

- Wow.
- And so for you to be here

for this event's a big deal for me.

Yeah, this is amazing.

Chayne, you should tell them

about some of your world records.

I've got 29 guinness world records.

I'm Australia's most
prolific record breaker.

- So, yeah...
- Wow.

Speaking of world records,

you are really close to
having that world record.

You could have the longest beard...

On a woman.

There's only two women,
maybe three in the world,

that have full coverage beard.

What is the record?

10.04 which is...

We gotta get just a little past ten.

You need to be working on that
for the next couple of days.

Got it.

Do you want the world record, or not?

Yeah!

[Indistinct chatter]

I think you could get it.

Nice!

?

Todd, you know how, like, we wanted

to meet the neighbors and stuff?

You mean, you wanted
to meet the neighbors.

Well, I invited them for dinner.

What?

So, I gotta, like, clean up.

I wanna get the house together.

It's not that I don't like
having people over at my house,

but I prefer hanging out with show people,

people I have things in common with.

- It'll be so good.
- I don't know, Danielle.

- You don't know.
- I mean, we got Chayne here this week.

- Perfect.
- He's staying with us.

He's from Australia.

He'll get to come in to
a small dinner party,

just us and the neighbors and him,

and he'll get to have, like,
a nice, American dinner.

If she's gonna bring over the neighbors,

I've got some surprise guests,

and they'll be here around dinner time.

- [Sighing]
- I'm not gonna cancel.

?

So that goes, this goes,

this maybe can stay.

I'm thinking the human skull needs to go.

You're really taking this off the table.

Yeah, and then, I'm gonna get this one.

I don't necessarily feel
like I gotta clean up

for the neighbors, but...

I don't wanna freak 'em out.

I just feel if people get to know us,

like, a little bit, a little bit more,

it makes it a little easier,
you know what I'm saying?

If you come in, and
there's like a human skull

staring at your face, while
you're trying to eat dinner,

to a person who's never
seen stuff like that,

that can be a little weird.

So what do you think would be too freaky?

That thing kinda smells.

That is definitely a no-no.

They might accidentally
mistake it for a meatball.

[Chuckling]

This opens, you know?

You could put like food in here.

You can put like a bowl of dipping sauce.

Does dad know that you're
moving all this stuff?

Well, he knows I gotta clean up.

I mean, I gotta have
a place to put the food.

Dad was okay with having
neighbors over for dinner?

Let's just say...

For once, he's doing something I wanna do.

I don't believe this.

All right, what you got, Chayne.

Uh-oh.

I got a whole bunch of dangerous stuff.

- I love dangerous things.
- Yeah.

Is that what I think it is?

Yeah.

Got some, uh, nice juggling knives here.

- Oh, man!
- Juggling knives?

Those are meat [Indistinct].

I know, right?

It was actually a bit of
a mission getting all of this

on the plane, that's for sure.

Wait, do you mind
juggling just a little bit?

Yeah... yes.

So there we go.

- Yeah.
- Pretty cool.

So yeah... so the current record

for blindfold juggling on a unicycle

is ten throws, ten catches.

So if I can beat that,

it's another world record
for "The Freakshow."

Yeah!

- That's cool.
- That is cool.

If there's one thing
everybody knows about me,

it's that I'm a history buff,
especially for side-show.

So Space Cowboy can break
a world record or two

here at "The Freakshow,"

it's gonna go in the history books,

and people will remember it, forever!

All right, well Chayne, love you, man.

- Thanks... anytime.
- Thank you so much for coming.

I'm really excited.

?

Perfect.

- What are you doing?
- Hey.

I'm decorating the table...
Doesn't it look so pretty?

I don't know if it looks pretty or not,

I'm wondering where all my stuff is.

Where's the big alligator skull?

I moved some stuff, so I can fit...

Do you know how delicate
the teeth are on that thing?

I do... one fell off.

You're not... this is not comedy.

I'm only kidding... I'm only kidding.

- No-no-no!
- Where's the monkey head?

Right there.

Wait... you got the babies covered.

Uh, yeah!

- Where's the big devil fish?
- And actually,

- I had to fix that because...
- Where's the chupacabra foot?

I put it in the front room.

What do you mean, you
put it in the front room?

What do you mean, I'm getting
ready for a dinner party

with our friends.

Look, this is cool... they'll love this!

They're gonna think we're head hunters.

Let 'em think that.

Look how nice that looks right there.

I'm willing to let you
keep the alligator skull

minus the headhunter's necklace

and that's it... I'm going to get ready.

I wanna fix my hair.

Uh, I'll see you in a minute.

Okay.

Danielle says she wants friends.

She's invited the neighbors, and I believe

she should have friends,
all of her friends...

Including "The Freakshow" family.

The headhunters necklace goes,
but the flowers stay.

All right.

?

[Doorbell ringing]

Oh, my gosh, they're early.

Hey, Danielle... how's it going?

What are you doing here?

Todd told me to come over for dinner.

Yeah, you said you wanted friends over.

The more the merrier, right?

- How's it going, man.
- Now that you're here, we're gonna have fun!

I'm hungry, man.

I love everybody at
"The Freakshow," but tonight,

I thought was gonna be me
and Todd and the neighbors,

low key dinner.

I'm already nervous enough
about them seeing the house,

and now Creature's here and I don't mind,

but I'm a little nervous what
their reaction's gonna be like.

Now we'll really have some fun.

?

- Put these here.
- All right, there you go.

[Doorbell ringing]

Oh, my gosh... be on your best behavior.

- I will... I'll be really good.
- Seriously.

- Hey!
- How are you?

- So nice to see you.
- Thank you.

- Thank you so much for inviting me.
- Thank you for coming.

Oh, my gosh... wow!

This is different.

A little different.

Oh, wow... wow!

This is my husband,
Todd, I told you about.

- Hey.
- Hi, nice to meet you.

- I'm Sally.
- Hi, Sally... nice to meet you.

My husband Sam couldn't make it.

- Oh, that's okay.
- So next time.

Yeah, next time.

- There's a lot to look at here.
- Yes, there is.

- This is...
- You never get bored.

Oh, my God... yeah.

[Doorbell ringing]

- Hey, come on in.
- Hello... hello.

Thank you so much for coming.

- Great... thank you.
- Wow... finally.

Come on in... I want you
to meet my husband.

- Hi.
- Hi.

- Hey, Todd... Barbara.
- Barbara, nice to meet you.

- Nice to meet you.
- Steven Woo.

- Nice to meet you, as well.
- Well, I didn't expect this.

What do you guys do?

We run a place called,
"The Venice Beach Freakshow."

- Uh-huh.
- Okay.

Wow.

This is actually our friend,
Chayne, from Australia.

- He's visiting with us.
- Chayne...

This is Steve.

- How are you?
- Lovely to meet you.

Hi, Chayne... hi, nice to meet you.

Likewise.

- What are these?
- Are those piercings?

- Yeah.
- Ow-ow-ow!

Ah!

Oh, that hurts.

Oh, just put it right there.

[Screaming]

[Laughing]

Yikes... what did we get ourselves into?

I'm really scared because

you know how you hear these stories

like, oh, they're gonna lock us up.

- This is wild.
- Oh, my gosh.

I don't think we're gonna
make it past appetizers.

Barbara is ready to haul
ass out the front door.

- So how's dinner?
- Oh, it's lovely.

Fabulous.

- She is such a good cook...
- Oh, my God.

- [Doorbell ringing]
- This is wonderful.

- Who's that?
- I don't know... go see.

Company.

- Hurry... go check.
- I'm coming.

- Hey, mom.
- Sorry we're late.

Hey, come on in.

Y'all late!

I want you guys to meet George

and then, this is Jessa, the bearded lady.

- Hi, Jessa.
- And then, this is amazing Ali.

- You guys hungry?
- Uh, I'm starving!

- Sit down... sit down.
- So hungry.

So you wanna see a few
other interesting things?

- Yeah...
- Yay!

Honestly, like, I am thinking
everything is going good,

but maybe they're not enjoying themselves.

Maybe they're like
paralyzed, frozen in fear

and they're getting ready to
like, run out of our house

and, like, tell the whole
neighborhood we're crazy.

So this is the first
way that I would get you

into "The Freakshow."

Oh, my God, can I touch it?

Oh!

Danielle worries too much.

I know she wanted to
hide all my cool stuff,

but let me tell you something...

I know people, and everybody
loves a two-headed turtle.

So this is a dingo trap from Australia.

It's strong enough to break bones.

Just y'all stay back.

I mean, if you put your hand in there,

it'd probably just snap it right off.

- [Screaming]
- Oh, God!

- Are you okay?
- Are you okay?

- Are you all...
- Oh...

Are you kidding me!

What the...?

- Okay, so look up here.
- Baby.

Two headed baby.

Todd, I think we should
wait for next time... Todd.

Todd Ray... save it for next time.

Well, let me say this,
what's under this:

Is just one of many mysterious things...

- Todd!
- That are in "The Freakshow."

And tomorrow, we have a big event.

- Are you coming?
- I'd love to.

I'd love to!

You know, when I first got
into Todd and Danielle's house,

I was definitely taken
aback, but you know,

after getting to know them,

they're just like us and Danielle and I,

I can see us hanging out
and having coffee,

talking about our kids.

I'll save this, Danielle,
for another time.

There are some things that are hard to see.

'Cause I don't know
if I'm gonna go tomorrow.

Are you ready for dessert, though?

Yeah, right.

I want you to give
a big, Venice Beach welcome

to the one, the only,
Jessa the bearded lady!

[Crowd cheering]

What we're gonna go for
right now is the world record

for the longest beard
on a woman in history.

The world record right now...

Is 10.04 inches.

Are y'all ready to see if
she can beat this record?

[Cheering]

Okay, here we go.

- Uh-oh!
- Is it, is it, is it?

- Is it?
- Hold on.

- The longest is...
- Ooh, still going.

Wait, that's a little over...

Eleven and a half inches!

- [Crowd cheering]
- Jessa the bearded lady.

She's got a world record
for the longest beard

on a woman in history!

?

Are you really ready for this?

If you can, make some noise!

[Cheering]

Today is our big,
world-record breaking event

here at "The Freakshow."

And to start it all off, we've got Asia

doing a very dangerous stunt with Morgue.

And if anything goes wrong,
the only world record

we'll be breaking,
is how fast we can dial 911.

Now folks, if you pay
attention, right here.

Morgue has a sword, but on the handle,

they've attached a target.

If she misses the target
and hits the handle...

Oh, my God!

Make some noise!

Come on, folks!

Give them a round of applause!

Wow... that was insane!

All right, folks, don't move a muscle.

We're about to bring out Space Cowboy.

He's going for a world record right here

in front of "The Freakshow."

Oh, there she is... Sally!

Hey, you really came!

I gotta admit it, I was freakin' nervous

to invite the neighbors over for dinner,

but the fact that Sally showed up here

at "The Freakshow" makes me so happy,

I feel like I finally made a new friend.

- Nice to see you.
- Nice to see you.

I'll see you up there.

All right, I'll see you guys in a minute.

All right, bye!

All right, folks,
all the way from Australia,

this man has 29 guinness world records.

Give it up for Space Cowboy!

Space cowboy is gonna try to
break his 30th world record

here at "The Freakshow."

This man has a nine foot tall unicycle

he's gonna climb up on.

He's then, gonna try to juggle knives

while he's blindfolded.

This stunt has so many things going on,

anything could go wrong.

Y'all make some noise if
you're ready to see this!

[Cheering and applause]

Okay, Space Cowboy, are you ready to go

for the world record?

The big one!

Now how many times do you have to do it?

Ten throws, ten catches...

- Blindfolded.
- Come on, Space.

Okay, here we go,
ten throws, ten catches,

blindfolded... if that happens,
it's a world record.

Here we go.

[Indistinct yelling]

[Cheering and applause]

I did it!

Folks, do you realize
he just accomplished

his 30th world record!

[Cheering]

It's true!

I knew that my 30th world record

needed to be a big one and I'm so happy

that I did it here at
"The Venice Beach Freakshow."

That was awesome.

All right... good job, man!

Thank you, man... that was a rush!

This week was full of new
experiences for everyone

here at "The Freakshow."

Danielle opened our home to our neighbors,

and we showed them the world

of the side-show that
they never knew existed.

We also held our first,
world-record breaking event,

with the Space Cowboy
all the way from Australia

and made it into the history books.

It was a lot of fun, and another chapter

in the story of "The Freakshow."

Make some real noise!

[Cheering and applause]

Here we go.

Come on, make some noise.

Look what he's doing.

He's going now.

Make some noise for Space Cowboy!

Come on, make some noise!