Freaks and Geeks (1999–2000): Season 1, Episode 3 - Tricks and Treats - full transcript
Halloween is coming: Lindsay wants to hang out with her new friends, her mom wants her to help pass out treats to kids. Sam at first thinks he's too old to go trick or treating, then convinces Neal and Bill to dress up and go with him. Halloween itself is a nightmare: Lindsay's going out dampens Jean's spirit, kids and their parents reject her homemade cookies, the geeks draw stares for being too old and then are humiliated by bullies and worse, and Lindsay gets in the spirit of destructive tricks only to find herself guilty of going way too far. Is there any redemption?
ALL RIGHT.
HERE'S THE BET.
FOR 10 BUCKS...
I'LL DRINK THIS MUCH
OF ANYTHING.
ANYTHING?
ANYTHING.
AS LONG AS
IT'S SOMETHING
YOU CAN EAT.
OK, ONLY STUFF
FROM THE KITCHEN.
NOTHING FROM THE BATHROOM
AND NOTHING FROM THE GARAGE.
OK.
AND IT HAS TO BE FOOD, OK?
NOTHING FROM UNDER
THE SINK.
OK? NO CLEANSERS,
NO DETERGENT,
NO FURNITURE POLISH,
AND NO CUT UP BITS
OF SPONGE.
OK.
I'M JUST TRYING
TO WIN 10 BUCKS
HERE.
I DON'T WANNA DIE.
ALL RIGHT,
NOW PUT ON...
THE BLINDFOLD.
THE BLINDFOLD.
I DON'T WANT TO
MESS UP MY HAIR.
ALL RIGHT.
AND NOW STEP INTO
THE SOUNDPROOF BOOTH.
THE SOUNDPROOF BOOTH.
I'M TRUSTING YOU GUYS.
I'M TRUSTING YOU GUYS.
OK, PUT IN
SOME MUSTARD.
IT'S AN IPECAC.
IT'LL MAKE HIM
BARF.
DON'T MAKE HIMBARF.
MY MOM COOKS DINNER
IN HERE!
IF WE'RE NOT TRYING
TO MAKE HIM BARF,
THEN WHY ARE WE
DOING THIS?
I CAN HEAR
EVERYTHING YOU GUYS
ARE SAYING.
COME ON, BILL!
QUIT LISTENING!
I CAN'T HELP IT.
THEN HUM SO
YOU CAN'T HEAR US.
[HUMMING]
CAYENNE PEPPER.
OOH! GOOD ONE!
PASS ME
THE PICKLE JUICE.
[HUMMING]
YOU KNOW, MY COUSIN...
ONCE DRANK AN ENTIRE JAR
OF PICKLE JUICE.
HE HAD TO SIT
ON THE TOILET
FOR 10 HOURS.
OH, GOD,
THAT'S NASTY!
OH, THIS IS GONNA
BE GREAT.
SALT...SARDINES...
AW!
DISGUSTING!
OH, MAN!
[HUMMING]
VINEGAR! MMM...
WAIT, WAIT...
VINEGAR!
SOY SAUCE.
SOY SAUCE!
dd HMM HMM HMM
HMM HMM HMM dd
CHILI!
FOR TEXTURE.
THAT'S DISGUSTING!
EXACTLY!
AND JUST A LITTLE
BIT OF JELLY.
SOME DAIRY CREAMER.
AND...
TOP IT ALL OFF...
A COUPLE OF
AFTER-DINNER MINTS.
HA HA HA!
ALL RIGHT.
NOW MIX IT UP.
ALL RIGHT.
ALL RIGHT.
dd HMM HMM HMM
HMM HMM HMM dd
OH, GOD!
OH, IT'S BUBBLING!
HA HA HA!
THAT'S DISGUSTING!
ALL RIGHT.
dd HMM HMM HMM HMM
HMM HMM HMM dd
OUCH!
IT'S SHOW TIME!
IT'S SHOW TIME!
LET ME SEE
THE MONEY FIRST.
LET ME SEE
THE MONEY FIRST.
COME ON,
DRINK UP ALREADY.
DON'T RUSH ME.
DON'T RUSH ME.
UH...EEW!
EEW!
HA HA HA HA
HA HA HA!
HA HA HA HA
HA HA HA!
IT'S NOT BAD.
IT'S NOT BAD.
OH! EEW!
OH, COME ON!
[LAUGHS] IT'S
MAKING ME SICK!
CAPTIONING MADE POSSIBLE BY
DREAMWORKS TELEVISION. L.L.C.
dd I DON'T GIVE A DAMN
'BOUT MY REPUTATION dd
dd I DON'T GIVE A DAMN
'BOUT MY REPUTATION dd
dd LIVIN' IN THE PAST,
IT'S A NEW GENERATIO
dd GO AND DO
WHAT YOU WANT TO DO dd
dd AND THAT'S WHAT
I'M GONNA DO dd
dd AND I DON'T GIVE A DAMN
'BOUT MY BAD REPUTATION dd
dd AND I DON'T GIVE A DAMN
'BOUT MY BAD REPUTATION dd
dd OH, NO, NO, NO,
NO, NO, NO, NO dd
dd NOT ME dd
dd WHAH! NO! dd
dd NO, NO, NO, NO,
NO, NO, NO dd
dd NOT ME dd
dd ME, ME, ME, ME dd
dd I DON'T GIVE A DAMN
'BOUT MY REPUTATION dd
dd I DON'T GIVE A DAMN
'BOUT MY REPUTATION dd
dd I'VE NEVER BEEN AFRAID
OF ANY DEVIATION dd
dd I'VE NEVER BEEN AFRAID
OF ANY DEVIATION dd
dd AND I DON'T REALLY CARE
IF YOU THINK I'M STRANGE dd
dd I AIN'T GONNA CHANGE dd
dd AND I'M NEVER GONNA CARE
'BOUT MY BAD REPUTATION dd
dd AND I'M NEVER GONNA CARE
'BOUT MY BAD REPUTATION dd
dd NOT ME! dd
dd NOT ME! dd
HEY, LOOK! MAPLEFARM REALTY
GAVE EVERYONE IN THE
NEIGHBORHOOD FREE PUMPKINS!
WASN'T THAT NICE?
WELL, THERE'S NOTHING
NICE ABOUT IT.
IT'S A CHEAP WAY
TO GET CUSTOMERS.
THEY GIVE YOU
A 20-CENT PUMPKIN,
YOU GIVE THEM 10 GRAND
TO SELL THE HOUSE.
SOME DEAL.
WELL, I JUST THINK
IT WAS NICE.
OOH.
HEY, CAN I HAVE
THE PRIZE?
MY BOWL...MY PRIZE.
COME ON.
COME ON.
[WHISTLES]
[WHISTLES]
SAM, WHAT ARE YOU
TRYING TO DO, KILL ME?
SORRY.
HEY, SAMMY, WHAT ARE YOU
GOING OUT AS FOR HALLOWEEN?
I-I'M NOT GOING OUT.
BILL AND I ARE
GONNA SEETHE NUDE
BOMBAT PARKWAY.
HEY, THAT'S A DIRTY MOVIE.
DAD, IT'S
A GET SMART MOVIE.
WHOA, WHOA, WHOA.
YOU'RE NOT GOING
TRICK OR TREATING?
MOM! I-I'M IN
NINTH GRADE!
I KNOW.
BUT YOU WENT OUT LAST YEAR.
YEAH. WELL,
LAST YEAR I WAS
IN JUNIOR HIGH.
YEAH, BUT SAM...
HONEY, THE BOY'S 14.
HE CAN MISS A NIGHT OF
WALKING AROUND THE NEIGHBORHOOD
BEGGIN' LIKE A TRAMP.
HALLOWEEN'S
FOR LITTLE KIDS ANYWAY.
HEY, LINDSAY,
YOU'RE STILL GONNA
HAND OUT CANDY
WITH ME, AREN'T YOU?
REMEMBER HOW MUCH
FUN WE HAD
LAST YEAR
LOOKING AT ALL
THE LITTLE KIDS
IN THEIR COSTUMES?
YEAH, MOM. I TOLD YOU
I WAS GOING TO.
WELL, GOOD!
'CAUSE WE'RE
GONNA HAVE
A REALLY GOOD
TIME THIS YEAR,
I PROMISE.
I PROMISE.
HEY, LINDSAY.
LONG TIME NO SEE.
I SAW YOU OUT HERE
YESTERDAY.
WHY ARE YOU
WEARING A HAT?
IT'S THE DAY BEFORE
HALLOWEEN.
THAT YOUR COSTUME?
IT KINDA SUCKS.
NO. IT'S DEVIL'S DAY.
EACH YEAR,
THE SENIORS BRING
IN HAIR REMOVAL FOAM
AND SPRAY IT ON
FRESHMEN'S HEADS.
THEN ALL YOUR HAIR
FALLS OUT.
REALLY?
NO. THAT STUPID
RUMOR'S BEEN AROUND
FOR YEARS.
YEAH, I KNOW.
I WAS JUST
GOOFIN' ON 'EM.
NO, YOU WEREN'T!
YES, I WAS.
Millie: HEY, LINDSAY.
HEY, MILLIE.
HEY, MILLIE.
WHAT ARE YOU DOING
TOMORROW NIGHT?
MY CHURCH IS HAVING
A HALLOWEEN DANCE.
YOU WANNA COME?
OH. WELL...
I WOULD GO,
BUT I GOTTA HAND OUT
CANDY WITH MY MOM.
OH. OK.
OH. OK.
DO YOU WANT
SOME LICK-A-MAID?
NO. YOU EAT
CANDYNOW?
MILLIE, IT'S 7:30
IN THE MORNING.
IT'S JUST LICK-A-MAID.
IT MAKES MY SPIT
TASTE LIKE
FRUIT JUICE.
IT MAKES MY SPIT
TASTE LIKE
FRUIT JUICE.
[VEHICLE APPROACHING]
HEY, CHECK IT OUT.
IT'S LINDSAY.
HEY, LINDSAY.
WHAT'S UP?
HEY, DANIEL.
HEY, KIM.
HELLO, BRAIN.
SO, THIS IS
YOUR BUS STOP?
[KIM
GIGGLES]
YEAH.
YEAH.
WE'VE HAD
THE SAME BUS STOP
SINCE KINDERGARTEN.
HOW FAST DOES
YOUR CAR GO?
150, IF I HOOK UP
THE NITROUS TANK.
[KIM GIGGLES]
YOUR CAR
IS REALLY LOUD.
MY DAD SAYS YOU
NEED A MUFFLER.
ONCE HE EVEN THREW
A ROCK AT YOU
WHEN YOU DROVE BY.
BUT...I GUESS
YOU DIDN'T HEAR IT.
HE THREW A ROCK
AT ME?
HEY, KID, WHAT THE HELL
ARE YOU EATING?
IS THAT LAUNDRY SOAP?
IT'S LICK-A-MAID.
WANT SOME?
MILLIE...
U-UM...I'LL PASS.
UH, YEAH.
WE GOTTA GET GOIN'.
I'D GIVE YOU
A RIDE, LINDS,
BUT I GOT AN ENGINE
BLOCK IN THE BACKSEAT.
YEAH.
YEAH.
MMM!
MMM!
THANKS FOR THE CANDY,
SKINNY.
[ENGINE ROARS]
[ENGINE ROARS]
SEE? MY DAD'S RIGHT.
HE NEEDS A MUFFLER.
HE NEEDS A MUFFLER.
SO ARE YOU GUYS
GOING TO SARA'S
PARTY TOMORROW NIGHT?
YEAH, BUT I THINK
I'M GOING TO
JIM'S FIRST.
YEAH, BUT I THINK
I'M GOING TO
JIM'S FIRST.
HEY!
IF IT ISN'T THE...
AMELIA EARHART
OF McKINLEY HIGH.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN?
WELL, YOU HEAD TO CLASS,
BUT YOU NEVER SEEM
TO GET THERE.
MR. ROSSO,
COULD YOU NOT HUMILIATE ME
IN FRONT OF THE WHOLE SCHOOL?
COME ON, LINDSAY,
DON'T TURN ME INTO
THE MAN HERE.
I'M JUST TRYING
TO HELP YOU.
AND IF, WHEN YOU
GRADUATE, IT TURNS
OUT I DID HELP YOU
BUT YOU HATE ME...
I'M OK WITH THAT.
I GOTTA GET
TO CLASS.
SEE? IT'S WORKIN'
ALREADY.
SEE? IT'S WORKIN'
ALREADY.
EMBARRASSING. THAT'S
THE ONLY WORD I CAN THINK OF
TO DESCRIBE THESE BOOKS
YOU'VE CHOSEN TO DO
YOUR REPORTS ON.
TO DESCRIBE THESE BOOKS
YOU'VE CHOSEN TO DO
YOUR REPORTS ON.
AL JAFFE'S SNAPPY ANSWERS
TO STUPID QUESTIONS.
THE NOVELIZATION
OF "STAR WARS."
YES, I CAN...
THE AUTOBIOGRAPHY
OF SAMMY DAVIS, JR.
THE AUTOBIOGRAPHY
OF SAMMY DAVIS, JR.
CRIME AND PUNISHMENT
IS A GOOD EXAMPLE
OF THE KIND OF BOOK
YOU SHOULD BE READING NOW.
IN IT, FYODOR DOSTOEVSKY
WAS ATTEMPTING TO CREATE
WHAT SOME WOULD CALL
AN EXISTENTIAL ENIGMA...
AN EXISTENTIAL ENIGMA...
A PROTAGONIST WHO WAS
BOTH A NIHILIST
AND A MORALIST.
NOW, I KNOW THIS SOUNDS
CONFUSING TO YOU ALL,
BUT SOON YOU'LL ALL KNOW
WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT,
BECAUSE I EXPECT YOU TO HAVE
THE FIRST HALF OF
THIS BOOK READ BY MONDAY.
[CLASS GROANS]
IT'S TIME TO GROW UP, PEOPLE!
[CLASS GROANS]
IT'S TIME TO GROW UP, PEOPLE!
YOU LIKE THAT?
NO!
GETS YOU HOT?
WOULD YOU
KNOCK IT OFF?
YOU'RE MAKING ME SICK!
HEY...WHY DON'T YOU
MAKE OUT WITH NICKY THERE,
AND WE'LL CALL IT
A FOURSOME?
YEAH. WHY DON'T YOU
MAKE OUT WITH MY BUTT,
AND WE'LL CALL IT LOVE?
HEY, YOU GUYS,
BE COOL.
THE NARC'S HERE.
YEAH. WATCH OUT,
OR I'LL BUST YOU.
HEY, MAN,
I AIN'T JOKING.
I HEARD ABOUT
WHAT YOU DID TO
BRIAN STOKER.
SAW HIM SMOKING
A "J" OUTSIDE
THE QUICK FILL
AND WENT INSIDE
AND TOLD
SOME COPS?
BRIAN'S IN
PRISON NOW, MAN.
AND I HEARD
HIS BROTHER'S
LOOKIN' FOR YOU.
WHAT?
I DIDN'T DO THAT.
WHAT?
I DIDN'T DO THAT.
YEAH. I KNOW.
I WAS JUST
MESSING WITH YOU.
SHE GOT ME WITH
THAT SAME JOKE
LAST WEEK.
IT'S KINDA FUNNY,
THOUGH.
IT'S KINDA FUNNY,
THOUGH.
HILARIOUS.
HEY, WHAT ARE YOU DOIN'
FOR HALLOWEEN?
OH, I HAVE TO
HAND OUT CANDY
WITH MY MOM.
I KNOW, IT...
SOUNDS REALLY
DORKY.
SHE GETS REALLY
INTO IT.
OH, LINDSAY,
I DON'T THINK
THAT SOUNDS
DORKY AT ALL.
YOU KNOW WHAT?
AT LEAST SHE'S
BEIN' NICE.
JUST BECAUSE YOU
HATE YOUR MOTHER
DOESN'T MEAN THAT
EVERYBODY ELSE
DOES, OK?
NO, EVERYBODY
HATES HER MOTHER.
Kim:
HA HA HA!
WELL, WHAT ARE YOU
GUYS DOING?
OH, WELL, UH, KIM,
NICK AND I ARE
GOIN' OUT.
BORROWIN' MY UNCLE'S
BIG-ASS CADDY, AND...
WE THOUGHT MAYBE
YOU'D LIKE TO
COME WITH US.
OH, YOU MEAN
LIKE A...DOUBLE DATE?
OH, YOU MEAN
LIKE A...DOUBLE DATE?
IF THAT'S WHAT
YOU NEED
TO CALL IT
IN YOUR DIARY,
PRINCESS.
TO CALL IT
IN YOUR DIARY,
PRINCESS.
I CAN'T.
YOUR LOSS.
[BELL RINGS]
OH, THE BELL.
LET'S NOT BE LATE
FOR CLASS.
[LAUGHS]
YEAH, RIGHT!
HEY, LINDSAY,
I--YOU KNOW,
I THINK IT'S--
I THINK IT'S NICE
THAT YOU'RE HELPING
YOUR MOM HAND OUT CANDY.
SO...I'LL SEE YOU
LATER.
YEAH.
SEE YOU LATER.
SEE YOU LATER.
THIS IS GONNA TAKE
LIKE A TRILLION YEARS
TO READ.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW
WHAT IT'S ABOUT.
WHITMAN SAID
IT'S ABOUT
AN AX MURDERER.
THAT SOUNDS
KINDA COOL.
I GUARANTEE YOU
IT'S NOT GONNA
BE COOL.
I MEAN...LOOK HOW SMALL
THE PRINTING IS.
UH, PERHAPS
YOU'VE NEVER HEARD
OF A LITTLE THING
CALLED...
CLIFF NOTES?
YOU STILL HAVE
TO READ THEM.
WHITMAN IS SUCH A JERK!
YOU KNOW?
SHE SAYS YOU HAVE
TO BE YOUNG ADULTS.
WE'RE NOT ADULTS.
WE'RE KIDS UNTIL
WE TURN 18.
MAYBE YOU ARE.
BUT WHEN
I HIT 13,
I BECAME A MAN.
THAT'S ONLY IN
YOUR TEMPLE, NEAL,
NOT IN THE REAL WORLD.
HEY! WE SHOULD GO TRICK
OR TREATING TOMORROW NIGHT.
IN CASE YOU
HAVEN'T NOTICED,
WE'RE
A LITTLE OLD.
NO, WE'RE NOT, OK?
WE WENT TRICK OR
TREATING LAST YEAR.
COME ON.
LET'S GO OUT
TOMORROW NIGHT.
NO WAY. I'M GOING
TO THE J.C.'S
HAUNTED HOUSE.
THE HOTDOG
ON A STICK GIRLS
FROM THE MALL
ARE WORKIN' IT.
THE TALL ONES?
YEAH. JUDY.
THEY'RE HOT.
TOOTIE, TOOTIE!
ALL RIGHT, THEN
WHY DON'T WE
GO TRICK
OR TREATING
BEFORE THAT?
WHY DON'T WE JUST
GO BUY CANDY?
OH, YEAH, THAT'S
REALLYFUN.
COME ON!
IT'LL BE A BLAST.
IT'S BETTER THAN
SITTING HOME READING
SOME STUPID RUSSIAN BOOK.
SURE.
OK, YOU KNOW, I--
YEAH, I GUESS--
I COULD--
YOU KNOW, WE--
I--YEAH, I GUESS SO.
I DON'T KNOW.
YOU'RE NEVER GONNA
DRESS UP AS GROUCHO AGAIN?
YOU'RE NEVER GONNA
DRESS UP AS GROUCHO AGAIN?
WELL...
[AS GROUCHO]
THAT'S THE MOST
RIDICULOUS THING
I'VE EVER HOIRD!
GROUCHO SUCKS.
GROUCHO SUCKS.
TOMMY!
HONEY!
HONEY!
LINDSAY!
LINDSAY!
HEY, LINDSAY.
WHAT'S UP?
MILLIE,
WHO IS THAT?
MILLIE,
WHO IS THAT?
WHO?
MILLIE!
MILLIE!
YOU WEREN'T
SUPPOSED TO SEE.
THAT'S TOMMY,
MY SECRET LOVE.
WE MET
THIS SUMMER
AT CHURCH CAMP.
YOU HAVE A BOYFRIEND?
LINDSAY, YOU'VE
GOTTA KEEP THIS
A SECRET.
I MEAN...TOMMY
AND I DON'T EVEN
FRENCH KISS YET.
TOMMY SAYS
THAT IF YOU DO
BEFORE YOU'VE BEEN
GOING OUT FOR 6 MONTHS,
YOU GO TO HELL.
WHY DIDN'T YOU
TELL ME?
I DIDN'T WANT TO
MAKE YOU FEEL BAD...
SINCE YOU DON'T
HAVE A BOYFRIEND
AND ALL.
SINCE YOU DON'T
HAVE A BOYFRIEND
AND ALL.
COME ON. NO WAY!
I'M TELLING YOU, MAN.
IT'S TRUE.
WHEN I HEARD HIM PLAY
AT COBO HALL,
THE GUY WAS AMAZING.
WHOA, HOLD ON A SECOND.
SO THEY'RE CALLED
SANTANA, RIGHT?
BUT THAT GUY WHO'S
SINGING...IS NOT
SANTANA.
NO. SANTANA'S
THE GUITAR PLAYER.
THEN HOW DID HE
GET THEM TO NAME
THE BAND AFTER HIM?
I DON'T KNOW, MAN.
MAYBE HE'S JUST
A BAD ASS.
IF THAT'S TRUE,
THAT'S...AMAZING.
HEY, MAYBE WE SHOULD
NAME OUR BAND ZARIOS.
Lindsay: HEY!
I'M GOING OUT WITH
YOU GUYS TOMORROW NIGHT.
HEY! HEY,
THAT'S GREAT!
YEAH, BUT WHAT
ABOUT YOUR MOM?
HOW'S SHE GONNA
HAND OUT CANDY
ALL BY HERSELF?
HOW'S SHE GONNA
HAND OUT CANDY
ALL BY HERSELF?
WELL, SHE'LL SURVIVE.
WELL, WELL,
WELL...
WELL, WELL,
WELL...
dd
dd YOU DID THE MASH
d
dd YOU DID
THE MONTHSTER MASH d
dd IT WAS A SMASH dd
HA.
dd IT WAS
A GRAVEYARD SMASH dd
RIGHT?
[GIGGLES]
Sam: HEY, MOM,
NEAL, BILL, AND I DECIDED
TO GO TRICK OR TREATING
TOMORROW NIGHT.
OH, SAM, THAT'S GREAT!
WE HAVE TO GET YOU
A COSTUME.
NO, MOM. I'M GONNA
MAKE MY OWN.
I'M GOIN' OUT AS GORT.
HE'S THE ROBOT FROM
THE DAY THE EARTH
STOOD STILL.
OOH! GORT!
HOW EXCITING!
SAM, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
YOU'RE TOO OLD TO GO OUT
TRICK OR TREATING.
OH, HAROLD, STOP.
WELL, IT'S TRUE!
THERE WAS THIS KID
IN MY NEIGHBORHOOD
WHEN I WAS GROWING UP--
SCOTT BYRON.
HE KEPT ON TRICK
OR TREATING UNTIL HE WAS
WELL INTO HIS 20s.
YOU KNOW WHERE
HE'S LIVING NOW?
AT HOME.
WITH HIS 90-YEAR-OLD
MOTHER!
HE'S THE LAUGHINGSTOCK
OF THE COMMUNITY.
NEVER TOOK A WIFE,
EITHER.
I DON'T THINK
THERE'S ANYTHING WRONG
WITH ACTING LIKE A KID
EVERY ONCE IN A WHILE.
I KNOW LINDSAY AND I
ARE GONNA HAVE A GREAT
TIME TOMORROW NIGHT,
AREN'T WE, SWEETIE?
YEAH, MOM. WE SURE ARE.
dd HE DID THE MASH dd
dd HE DID THE MONTHSTER
MASH dd
Both: dd IT WAS A SMASH dd
dd IT WAS
A GRAVEYARD SMASH dd
[GIGGLING]
[GIGGLING]
THEN BILL AND I'LL
COME BY YOUR PLACE.
AND BRING
PILLOW CASES.
NO GROCERY BAGS.
IF YOUR BAG RIPS,
YOU'RE ON YOUR OWN.
I'M GONNA BRING
MY PLASTIC PUMPKIN.
DON'T BRING THAT.
IT GETS FULL
AFTER ONE STREET.
NOT IF I EAT THE CANDY
AS WE GO.
LAST TIME
YOU DID THAT,
YOU PUKED BEFORE
WE GOT PAST OUR
BUS STOP.
HEY, GUYS. I HEARD
YOU WERE GOING OUT FOR
TRICK OR TREATS TONIGHT.
HOW DID YOU
FIND OUT ABOUT THAT?
WORD GETS OUT.
PEOPLE TALK.
BUT YOU GOTTA BE
ESPECIALLY CAREFUL,
THOUGH.
THE HALLOWEEN CANDY'S
GONNA BE REALLY
DANGEROUS THIS YEAR.
THEY SAY THAT
EVERY YEAR.
YEAH, BUT THIS YEAR
THERE'S A BUNCH OF
EVIL HIPPIES
WHO DON'T WANT REAGAN
TO BE PRESIDENT,
SO TO DISRUPT THE ELECTION,
THEY'RE GOING TO EJECT
THE CANDY WITH HEROIN
AND TURN KIDS INTO ADDICTS.
THAT'S NOT TRUE.
YOU JUST HAVE TO WATCH OUT
FOR PINS AND RAZOR BLADES.
YEAH, AND RAT HAIR'S
A BIG ONE.
YOU'RE GONNA
FIND YOURSELF WISHING
FOR RAT HAIR.
WORD ON THE STREET
IS THEY'RE PUTTING
A POO
IN FUN-SIZED
CANDY BAR WRAPPERS
AND HANDING THOSE OUT.
I LOVE FUN-SIZED
CANDY BARS.
OH, THAT'S STUPID.
LIKE NOBODY'D
BE ABLE TO TELL
WHAT IT REALLY WAS.
THEY DIP IT IN
CHOCOLATE FIRST
SO YOU CAN'T
TELL THE DIFFERENCE
UNTIL IT'S TOO LATE.
SO YOU CAN'T
TELL THE DIFFERENCE
UNTIL IT'S TOO LATE.
SEE YA.
SEE YA.
ACTUALLY, IT SOUNDS
KINDA FUN.
YOU MIND IF I COME
WITH YOU GUYS?
YOU MIND IF I COME
WITH YOU GUYS?
MOM?
IN THE KITCHEN!
IN THE KITCHEN!
HEY, LINDSAY,
WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN?
YOU'RE GONNA MISS
THE FIRST TRICK
OR TREATERS.
YOU KNOW
THE CUTEST ONES
ALWAYS COME EARLY.
YEAH. WELL, I WAS HANGING OUT
WITH MY FRIENDS.
LINDSAY...
LO--AH!
OW. LOOK AT
WHAT WE'RE GONNA
HAND OUT THIS YEAR.
HALLOWEEN COOKIES!
[GIGGLES]
THAT'S GREAT, MOM.
Sam: WHAT'S UP WITH
ALL THE COOKIES?
SAM, I LAID YOUR
ROBOT COSTUME OUT
ON YOUR BED.
YOU DIDN'T RIP IT, DID YOU?
NO. BUT I WROTE,
"MY SON'S THE CUTEST
BOY IN THE WHOLE WORLD"
ON THE FRONT OF IT.
LINDSAY,
I GOT YOU A COSTUME.
GO PUT IT ON, SWEETIE.
I'M GONNA PUT THESE
COOKIES BY THE DOOR.
WE ARE GONNA HAVE
SO MUCH FUN!
WE ARE GONNA HAVE
SO MUCH FUN!
KINDA HATE WHEN MOM
GETS GOOFY LIKE THAT.
KINDA HATE WHEN MOM
GETS GOOFY LIKE THAT.
MMM.
LOOKIN' FOR CHAPLIN...
I'M ONLY SEEING HITLER.
I'M ONLY SEEING HITLER.
IF I WERE
THE BIONIC WOMAN...
WHAT WOULD I WEAR?
WHAT WOULD I WEAR?
THIS IS RIDICULOUS.
I LOOK LIKE TOM SELLECK!
dd GONNA RAISE HELL dd
MOM!
MOM!
dd GONNA RAISE HELL dd
dd GONNA RAISE HELL dd
I'M SORRY, STEVE AUSTIN.
I CAN'T MARRY YOU.
I'M MAD AT YOU RIGHT NOW.
WHAT?
I'M SORRY,
I CAN'T HEAR YOU.
HOLD ON.
I'M GONNA PUT THE PHONE
ON MY BIONIC EAR.
I'M GONNA PUT THE PHONE
ON MY BIONIC EAR.
THAT'S--THAT'S BETTER.
NO, DON'T TALK SO LOUD!
DON'T FORGET,
I'VE GOT BIONIC HEARING.
NO, THESE ARE NOT
BIONIC.
THESE AREALLME.
THESE AREALLME.
I HEARD THAT CRACK, PAL.
OH--OH, IT WASN'T YOU.
OH, OK, I GUESS I'LL JUST--
[MAKING BIONIC SOUND]
DO-DO-DO-DO-DO-DO...
OSCAR GOLDMAN,
IT'S ME, JAIME SOMMERS.
STEVE AUSTIN IS TRAPPED
IN THE--IN THE REACTING--
HI, MOM. OK.
YOU CAN...USE THE PHONE.
[DOORBELL
RINGS]
OH.
HEY, LINDSAY,
HURRY UP, HONEY.
OUR FIRST LITTLE
VISITORS ARE HERE!
OUR FIRST LITTLE
VISITORS ARE HERE!
LINDS?
OH! OH...HA!
OH, MY...
WHAT AN...
INTERESTING...
COSTUME.
OH, WA--
HERE YOU GO.
ALL RIGHT.
HAPPY HALLOWEEN.
ALL RIGHT.
HAPPY HALLOWEEN.
DO YOU--DO YOU WANT
ANOTHER COOKIE?
OK.
I'M, UH...I'M HERE
TO GO OUT
FOR TRICK OR TREATS
TONIGHT WITH SAM.
OH, YOU'RE ONE OF
SAM'S FRIEN--
I AM SO SORRY.
COME ON IN.
MY GOSH! SORRY.
MY GOSH! SORRY.
NICE COSTUME.
YOU LOOK LIKE
RICHARD BENJAMIN
INWESTWORLD.
RICHARD BENJAMIN
INWESTWORLD.
SAY, DON'TYOU
LOOK NICE?
SAY, DON'TYOU
LOOK NICE?
WHAT IN THE HELL
ARE YOU SUPPOSED TO BE?
I'M A GUY
WITH A KNIFE
THROUGH HIS HEAD.
OH. WELL...
MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
HEY, MOM!
MOM, I GOTTA TALK
TO YOU.
[DOORBELL RINGS]
GET YOUR COSTUME ON, HONEY.
THE TRICK OR TREATERS
ARE HERE!
OH!
Both:
TRICK OR TREAT,
SMELL OUR FEET,
GIVE US SOMETHING
GOOD TO EAT.
IF YOU--
HA HA HA!
YOU GUYS ARE
BOTH GREAT.
COME ON IN!
GET IN HERE!
HA HA HA!
HA HA HA!
WOW. HARRIS,
THAT LOOKS REALLY REAL.
HOW DO YOU KNOW
IT ISN'T?
HOW DO YOU KNOW
IT ISN'T?
OH!
IF I HELD YOU
ANY CLOSER,
I'D BE IN BACK OF YA.
HEY,
CUT THAT OUT!
YOU KNOW, BILL,
YOU LOOK REALLY
LOVELY.
I'M JAIME SOMMERS,
THE BIONIC WOMAN.
OH, OF COURSE
YOU ARE!
[WHEELS SCREECH]
WHAT WAS THAT?
[HORN HONKS]
MOM...I'M GONNA
GO HANG OUT WITH
MY FRIENDS FOR
A LITTLE BIT, OK?
I'LL BE BACK.
WAIT, LINDSAY...
MOM,
I'LL BE BACK!
SWEETIE, WAIT!
COME ON, LINDSAY.
LET'S GO.
COME ON, LINDSAY.
LET'S GO.
YOU HAVE ANY FAKE
BLOOD AROUND HERE?
I WANNA FRESHEN UP
MY WOUND BEFORE
WE GO OUT.
WHAT?
WHAT?
SHE DID WHAT?!
SHE SAID IT
WAS ONLY GONNA BE
FOR A LITTLE WHILE.
SHE'LL BE BACK.
YOU KNOW, SHE WAS
REALLY LOOKING
FORWARD TO THIS.
YEAH. WELL, SHE
BETTER BE BACK.
THAT'S ALL
I CAN SAY.
THAT DAUGHTER
OF YOURS IS
ON THIN ICE.
UNTIL SHE GETS BACK,
WOULD YOU PUT THIS ON
AND HELP ME
PASS OUT COOKIES.
AND HELP ME
PASS OUT COOKIES.
OH, FOR CRYING
OUT LOUD.
WHOA-OH-OH-OH!
DON'T FALL OUT.
DON'T FALL OUT.
BOO.
BOO.
HIS PLANS
FELL THROUGH.
YOU KNOW?
I'M SORRY.
dd SHE'S A ROLLER dd
dd A HIGH-ROLLER BABY dd
KNOCK IT OFF,
BLONDIE.
YOU'RE GONNA
BLOW THE SPEAKERS.
OH, I'M SORRY, GRANDPA.
I'LL TRY NOT TO BLOW
ANYTHING OF YOURS
FROM NOW ON.
I'LL TRY NOT TO BLOW
ANYTHING OF YOURS
FROM NOW ON.
HEY! WHAT
ARE WE GONNA DO?
THERE'S
THIS HAUNTED HOUSE
THAT'S SUPPOSED TO BE
REALLY SCARY.
YEAH. HEY, DUDE.
THAT COULD BE
KIND OF FUN, RIGHT?
FOR WHO, LOSERS?
HEY, SHUT UP.
I LIKE HAUNTED
HOUSES.
HA HA HA.
I REST MY CASE.
OH, LISTEN. CAN'T WE
JUST DRIVE AROUND,
SEE WHERE THE
NIGHT TAKES US.
IS THAT COOL
WITH YOU?
LINDSAY?
YEAH.
I'M UP FOR ANYTHING.
Daniel:
RIGHT ON, KID.
HEY, I'M REALLY GLAD
THAT YOU DECIDED
TO COME.
THANKS.
SO AM I.
SO AM I.
HA.
YOU TWO ARE
ADORABLE.
YOU TWO ARE
ADORABLE.
MOM, LOOK.
JESSICA, COME ON.
DON'T STARE.
IT'S NOT POLITE.
IT'S NOT POLITE.
WHY IS EVERYBODY
STARING AT ME?
I MEAN, YOU'D
THINK THEY NEVER SAW
THE BIONIC WOMAN BEFORE.
THEY JUST PROBABLY
DIDN'T KNOW SHE WAS
SO HOT IN REAL LIFE.
HA HA HA.
YOU--ARE YOU--
ARE YOU JOKING?
YOU'RE JOKING,
RIGHT?
I SAW THE REAL
JAMIE SOMMERS AT
THE AUTO SHOW LAST YEAR.
HER BOOBS
WEREN'T THAT BIG.
HEY, WE SHOULD
GO TO THE RICH
NEIGHBORHOOD FIRST.
THEY HAND OUT
THE BEST CANDY.
IT'S NOT TRUE.
RICH PEOPLE
TRADITIONALLY GIVE OUT
THE CHEAPEST CANDY.
IT'S HOW
THEY STAY RICH.
Bill: I JUST HOPE
I GET SOME CANDY
I CAN EAT.
YEAH, I'M ALLERGIC
TO PEANUTS, LICORICE
AND NOUGAT.
HOW CAN YOU POSSIBLY
BE ALLERGIC TO NOUGAT?
HA HA HA.
I DON'T KNOW.
UH, MY DOCTOR
SAYS I'M ALLERGIC
TO MORE THINGS
THAN ANYONE
HE'S EVER SEEN.
THEN I GOT DIBS ON
ALL YOUR MALT BALLS.
YOU CAN HAVE
'EM. I LIKE
PIXIE STICKS.
PIXIE STICKS
RULE.
NO WAY.
CHUNKIES ARE
THE BEST.
UH-UH. CANDY CORN,
MY FRIEND.
I MUST ADMIT, I'M
A WAX LIPS MAN MYSELF.
Kids:
TRICK OR TREAT!
WHY, YOU'RE
THE CUTEST THINGS.
HEY, HAROLD,
COME LOOK!
AAAAH!
Kids:
AAAAAH!
OH, KIDS! I WAS
JUST KIDDING!
I'M NOT REALLY
A VAMPIRE.
I OWN A SPORTING
GOODS STORE.
HEY? WHAT'S
THE BIG IDEA,
SCARING MY KIDS?
I--I DIDN'T
MEAN TO.
NO, I--I'M SORRY.
I MADE HIM PUT THIS ON.
HERE. GIVE THESE
TO YOUR CHILDREN.
THEY'RE HOMEMADE.
ARE YOU CRAZY?
I'VE BEEN LECTURING
MY KIDS FOR WEEKS
NOT TO TAKE
UNWRAPPED CANDY.
THOSE COOKIES COULD
HAVE RAZOR BLADES
OR PINS IN THEM.
I--I WOULDN'T
DO THAT.
I--I WOULDN'T
DO THAT.
COME ON, COWGIRL.
ENOUGH OF THIS
KID'S STUFF.
LET'S HEAD OUT
TO THE BARN,
AND I'LL GIVE YOU
A REAL GOOD ROLL
IN THE HAY.
OH, HAROLD,
NOT NOW.
OH, HAROLD,
NOT NOW.
WHEN?
I MEAN,
THINK ABOUT IT.
ALL THE PEOPLE
IN THIS TOWN
ARE REAL RELIGIOUS.
BUT JUST 'CAUSE
IT'S HALLOWEEN,
THEY'LL HANG
PICTURES OF DEVILS,
WITCHES, GHOSTS
ALL OVER THEIR
HOUSES.
IT'S A JOKE.
YEAH. YEAH, I KNOW.
IT'S TOTAL WHITE,
MIDDLE-CLASS HYPOCRISY.
YEAH. RIGHT.
EXACTLY.
YOU WANNA KNOW WHAT
I THINK ABOUT IT?
[BURPS]
Ken: THAT'S LOVELY,
YOU KNOW. YOUR YEARS
IN CHARM SCHOOL
REALLY PAID OFF.
BY THE WAY, HOW ARE THINGS
GOING AT ASS SCHOOL?
GETTING ALL As.
OHH.
HEY, YOU KNOW
WHERE WE COULD GO?
WE COULD GO
TO THE MOVIES.
THERE'S A NEW
FRIDAY THE 13thPLAYING.
GOD, GREAT! WHY ARE
YOU SO HUNG UP
ABOUT DOING
SOMETHING?
WHAT? ARE WE
BORING TO YOU?
WHAT ARE YOU
TALKING ABOUT?
WE SHOULD DO
SOMETHING.
WE CAN'T JUST
DRIVE AROUND
ALL NIGHT, MAN.
HEY, MAN, WE
AIN'T GONNA JUST
DRIVE AROUND.
IT'S HALLOWEEN.
WE ARE...
dd GONNA RAISE HELL,
GONNA RAISE HELL dd
dd GONNA RAISE HELL dd
dd GONNA RAISE HELL dd
[DOORBELL BUZZES]
Together:
TRICK OR TREAT!
OK...
YEAH.
WHAT DO YOU WANT?
UH...
TRICK OR TREAT.
AREN'T YOU GUYS
A LITTLE OLD FOR THIS?
AREN'T YOU GUYS
A LITTLE OLD FOR THIS?
WE'RE ONLY
FRESHMEN IN
HIGH SCHOOL.
HIGH SCHOOL?
THAT'S TOO OLD.
THAT'S TOO OLD.
WE'RE YOUNG
AT HEART.
WE'RE YOUNG
AT HEART.
OOH, CIRCUS
PEANUTS.
WHAT THE HELL ARE
YOU SUPPOSED TO BE
ANYWAY?
THE TIN MAN?
I'M--I'M GORT.
HE'S THE ROBOT
FROMTHE DAY
THE EARTH
STOOD STILL.
YOU LOOK LIKE
THE FRICKING TIN MAN.
Bill:
UM, MA'AM...
I HOPE THERE
AREN'T ANY PEANUTS
IN THESE PEANUTS.
'CAUSE IF THERE ARE,
I COULD D-DIE.
GOOD NIGHT.
GOOD NIGHT.
THESE ARE SO CUTE.
BUT, YOU KNOW, JEAN,
THEY TRAIN THE KIDS
NOT TO TAKE
UNWRAPPED FOODSTUFFS.
YOU SHOULD SEE
ALL THE PARENTS
WHO ARE DUMPING
THE COOKIES ON YOUR LAWN.
THEY'RE ALL
COVERED WITH ANTS.
WHAT?!
WELL,
HAPPY HALLOWEEN.
WELL,
HAPPY HALLOWEEN.
I GIVE UP.
I GIVE UP.
HAROLD, RUN UP
TO FARMER JACK
AND BUY SOME CANDY.
WHAT? DRESSED
LIKE THIS?
WHAT? DRESSED
LIKE THIS?
ALL RIGHT.
DON'T ANSWER
THE DOOR TILL
I GET BACK.
DON'T ANSWER
THE DOOR TILL
I GET BACK.
STUPID KIDS'
HOLIDAY.
STUPID KIDS'
HOLIDAY.
I SAY WE MAKE
LINDSAY DO IT.
Daniel: NO.
I'M GOING IN.
HEY, NO, NO, MAN.
LET ME DO IT, ALL RIGHT?
OK.
OK.
Daniel:
HEY, RELAX.
IT'S HALLOWEEN.
WE'RE SUPPOSED
TO DO THIS STUFF.
IT'S HALLOWEEN.
WE'RE SUPPOSED
TO DO THIS STUFF.
Daniel:
WHOA!
Daniel:
WHOA!
WHOA!
WHOA!
OH, MAN.
THAT IS SO UNCOOL.
OH, MAN.
THAT IS SO UNCOOL.
I CAN'T BELIEVE
WE JUST DID THAT.
YES, CONGRATULATIONS
TO US ALL, INDEED.
I'M SO HAPPY I'M NOT
AT THE TED NUGENT
CONCERT.
I'M SO HAPPY I'M NOT
AT THE TED NUGENT
CONCERT.
GO.
GO AHEAD, LINDS.
GO.
YOU CAN
DO IT.
YOU CAN
DO IT.
OH, MY...
OH, MY...
Ken:
OH, MY GOD.
COME ON!
COME ON, LINDSAY!
COME ON!
COME ON, LINDSAY!
HAPPY HALLOWEEN.
THIS ONE'S FOR YOU.
Harris: OH, LOOK.
IT'S FUN-SIZED.
YOU GUYS HAVING
A GOOD TIME?
YEAH.
HAPPY HALLOWEEN.
UM...
THANK YOU.
UH...I'LL EAT IT--
I'LL EAT IT LATER.
UH...I'LL EAT IT--
I'LL EAT IT LATER.
WHOA! WHOA!
dd YOU LOOK
TOO GOOD TO ME dd
dd YOUR BEADY EYES dd
dd THEY CUT ME IN TWO dd
dd AND I JUST
CAN'T LET YOU BE dd
dd WELL IT'S
A FREE-FOR-ALL dd
dd AND I
HEARD IT SAID dd
dd YOU CAN BET
YOUR LIFE dd
dd STAKES ARE HIGH
AND SO AM I dd
dd IT'S IN THE AIR
TONIGHT dd
dd IT'S A FREE-FOR-ALL dd
BATTER UP, BABY!
BATTER UP, BABY!
WATCH IT, BABY!
WATCH IT, BABY!
dd IT'S
A FREE-FOR-ALL dd
dd IT'S
A FREE-FOR-ALL dd
dd YEAH, IT'S
A FREE-FOR-ALL dd
dd YEAH, IT'S
A FREE-FOR-ALL dd
ALL RIGHT.
THERE IT IS.
GO FOR IT, WEIR.
DO IT
ALREADY.
OK, OK.
OK, OK.
WHOA!
HA HA!
WHOA!
HA HA!
GREAT.
THANKS A LOT.
I CAN'T
BELIEVE THIS.
I CAN'T BELIEVE
THE HOT-DOG-ON-A-STICK
GIRLS SAW US.
THAT'S MONTHS
OF GROUNDWORK
DOWN THE DRAIN.
LIKE THEY'D EVER
GO OUT WITH YOU.
HEY, SHUT UP.
THEY LIKE ME.
THEY ALWAYS GIVE ME
FREE LEMONADE REFILLS.
Alan:
WELL, WELL, WELL.
IF IT ISN'T
THE GEEK PATROL.
OH, NO, NO,
NO, NO.
OH, MY GOD.
HEY, ALAN.
WHAT'S UP?
I DON'T KNOW WHOSE ASS
I WANT TO KICK FIRST.
YOU BETTER
WATCH OUT, ALAN.
WE KICKED YOUR ASS ONCE.
WE'LL KICK IT AGAIN.
I DON'T THINK SO.
THAT WAS 3
AGAINST ONE.
NOW WE GOT US
A FAIR FIGHT.
IT'S TIME
TO SETTLE THE SCORE.
Daniel:
OH, YEAH.
HA HA HA HA.
NO, NO, NO.
I GOT IT. I GOT IT.
LET'S GO SOAP
THE SCHOOL'S WINDOWS.
NO, LOOK. I SAY
IT'S TIME WE GET DOWN
TO SOME SERIOUS DAMAGE.
KENNETH?
KENNETH?
BREAKFAST,
ANYONE?
Nick: OH,
MY GOODNESS.
WE DON'T WANT
TO FIGHT YOU, ALAN.
Alan:
YOU DON'T HAVE TO.
JUST GIVE US YOUR CANDY
AND YOU'RE FREE TO GO.
OK, HERE.
OK, HERE.
Alan:
NOW YOU, DORK.
FORGET IT.
WE WENT THROUGH
A LOT FOR THIS.
SHUT YOUR MOUTH,
YOU LITTLE GIRL.
I'M NOT
A LITTLE GIRL.
I'M
A BIONIC WOMAN.
YEAH? PROVE IT.
YEAH? PROVE IT.
Neal: NO,
CUT IT OUT. STOP.
JUST TAKE THE CANDY.
THIS IS MY GRANDPA'S COAT.
[CLOTH RIPS]
OW. FELL
ON MY KNIFE.
COME ON, LET'S GET
OUT OF HERE.
COME ON, LET'S GET
OUT OF HERE.
Neal: THAT'S IT.
THAT IS IT.
THIS IS ALL
YOUR FAULT.
I NEVER SHOULD HAVE
LET YOU TALK ME INTO THIS.
I DIDN'T TALK YOU
INTO ANYTHING.
OH, WELL, IT SURE
AS HELL WASN'T MY IDEA.
OH, WELL, IT SURE
AS HELL WASN'T MY IDEA.
OH, YEAH.
YOU'RE TOO COOL
GETTING FREE
LEMONADE REFILLS.
Bill: GUYS! LET'S JUST
STICK TO THE PLAN.
THIS THING ON STRAIGHT?
THIS THING ON STRAIGHT?
KNOW HOW
TO DO IT?
DIG IN, CHILDREN.
AWESOME.
THANK YOU.
ALL RIGHT, JACKPOT.
JACKPOT. COME ON.
ALL RIGHT.
WHERE?
Kim: READY?
OVER THERE!
WHERE?
YOU'RE SUCH
A LITTLE BABY.
HAVE TO HAYOUR L
ITTLE
BABY'S EVENING.
OH, YEAH, AND GOING
TO SOME STUPID HAUNTED HOUSE
IS THAT MUCH BETTER.
YEAH, AND
YOU'RE STUPID.
TAKES ONE
TO KNOW ONE.
WELL,
YOU ARE ONE.
ENOUGH,
GUYS.
COME ON.
MY BRA'S CHAFING.
LET'S GET HOME.
Lindsay: WHERE?
I CAN'T SEE.
KIM, YOU'RE
BLOCKING MY VIEW.
NOW!
NOW!
[CHEERING]
AWESOME, MAN.
THAT WAS SO AWESOME.
Daniel: NAILED 'EM,
BABY, NAILED 'EM.
WHAT?
OH, MY GOD.
WHAT?
WE JUST EGGED
MY LITTLE BROTHER.
WE JUST EGGED
MY LITTLE BROTHER.
OH, MY GOD.
WAIT, STOP THE CAR.
IT'S JUST EGGS.
HE'LL BE FINE.
NO, STOP THE CAR.
PLEASE, DANIEL.
JUST TAKE IT EASY.
TAKE IT EASY.
LET ME
OUT OF THE CAR!
HEY, DANIEL, STOP
THE CAR, ALL RIGHT?
JUST STOP THE CAR.
LET HER OUT.
DON'T GET OUT.
WE'LL GET HIM.
Lindsay:
SAM?
Lindsay:
SAM?
GENTLEMEN...
I'M GOING HOME.
I'M GOING HOME.
OH, MY GOD.
THEY'RE COMING BACK
TO FINISH US OFF.
RUN FOR IT!
LET'S GO CUT THROUGH
THEIR BACK YARD!
LET'S GO CUT THROUGH
THEIR BACK YARD!
SAM?
SAM, I'M SORRY.
LOOK, GET IN THE CAR.
LOOK, GET IN THE CAR.
SAM, I'M REALLY SORRY.
PLEASE? COME ON.
LET US GIVE YOU
A RIDE HOME, OK?
LET US GIVE YOU
A RIDE HOME, OK?
Daniel: KID. IT'S NOT
YOUR SISTER'S FAULT.
SHE DIDN'T EVEN
KNOW IT WAS YOU.
LOOK, SHE'S REALLY,
REALLY UPSET, KID.
I SWEAR TO GOD.
IT'S TRUE, SAM.
I SWEAR TO GOD.
IT'S TRUE, SAM.
I SWEAR TO GOD.
SAM!
SAM!
GOD.
IS IT JUST ME,
OR DID HE SEEM
UPSET?
WOULD YOU
SHUT UP, PLEASE?
HA HA HA HA.
JUST GIVE HER
A BREAK, ALL RIGHT?
MAN, I AM IN
SO MUCH TROUBLE.
JUST TAKE ME HOME.
NO, HEY, WHY DON'T YOU
JUST STICK AROUND--
JUST TAKE
HER HOME, ALREADY.
GOD.
I TOLD YOU
SHE'D BE A DRAG.
I TOLD YOU
SHE'D BE A DRAG.
dd MOTHER dd
dd MOTHER dd
[DOORBELL RINGS]
Kids:
TRICK OR TREAT!
Kids:
TRICK OR TREAT!
[DOOR OPENS]
OH, MY GOD.
SAM, WHAT HAPPENED!
I GOT EGGED.
WHAT'S THE MATTER?
WHAT'S GOING ON?
SAM GOT ATTACKED.
ARE YOU ALL RIGHT?
DID YOU GET EGG
IN YOUR EYE?
I'M FINE.
OH, MY GOD.
OH, MY GOD.
Harold: WELL, WELL, WELL.
LOOK WHO'S HERE.
SO HAPPY YOU COULD
GRACE US WITH YOUR
PRESENCE.
Jean:
WHAT KIND OF
TERRIBLE PEOPLE
WOULD DO THIS
TO A LITTLE BOY?
WHO THE HELL DID
THIS TO YOU, SAM?
WHO THE HELL DID
THIS TO YOU, SAM?
SOME FREAKS.
FREAKS? LIKE
CIRCUS FREAKS?
JEAN, I DON'T THINK
THERE'S BEARDED LADIES
RUNNING AROUND
THROWING EGGS AT KIDS.
HE MEANS HIPPIES.
YOU KNOW WHO
THESE FREAKS WERE?
JUST A BUNCH
OF DIRTBAGS.
OH, HONEY. MY
LITTLE BABY BOY.
I'M NOT A BABY.
I'M NOT A BABY.
CERTAINLY GLAD WE ALL
DECIDED TO CELEBRATE
HALLOWEEN.
LAST TIME I HAD
THIS MUCH FUN
I WAS PINNED
DOWN IN A FOXHOLE
BY THE NORTH KOREANS.
I WAS PINNED
DOWN IN A FOXHOLE
BY THE NORTH KOREANS.
I'M SORRY, HON.
YOU DID
A NICE JOB.
YOU DID
A NICE JOB.
AND YOU ARE
ON THIN ICE, MISSY.
AND YOU ARE
ON THIN ICE, MISSY.
WHEW. I DIDN'T
EXPECT YOU BACK SO SOON.
MOM, I TOLD YOU
I'D BE BACK
IN A LITTLE BIT.
WHO WERE THOSE PEOPLE
YOU WENT OFF WITH?
JUST SOME FRIENDS
FROM SCHOOL.
ANYONE I KNOW?
UNH-UNH.
NOT REALLY.
LINDSAY, IF YOU
DIDN'T WANT TO HAND
OUT CANDY WITH ME,
YOU COULD HAVE
JUST TOLD ME.
I COULDN'T--
MOM, I DIDN'T
WANT TO MAKE
YOU FEEL BAD.
MOM, I DIDN'T
WANT TO MAKE
YOU FEEL BAD.
OH, I DON'T KNOW.
[SIGHS]
THE WORLD IS SUCH
A DIFFERENT PLACE
THAN THE ONE
I GREW UP IN.
EVERYONE JUST SEEMS
SO MUCH MEANER THESE DAYS.
MOM, KIDS DIDN'T
THROW EGGS WHEN
YOU WERE IN SCHOOL?
I DON'T KNOW.
I GUESS SO.
I DON'T KNOW.
I GUESS SO.
I JUST KNOW
I NEVER DID.
I JUST KNOW
I NEVER DID.
[KNOCK ON DOOR]
[DOOR OPENS]
[DOOR OPENS]
NOTHING LIKE GETTING
YELLED AT BY DAD
WHEN HE'S DRESSED
LIKE A VAMPIRE, HUH?
WHEN HE'S DRESSED
LIKE A VAMPIRE, HUH?
THANKS FOR NOT
TURNING ME IN.
THANKS FOR NOT
TURNING ME IN.
I'M REALLY SORRY.
YOU KNOW THAT,
DON'T YOU?
I'M REALLY SORRY.
YOU KNOW THAT,
DON'T YOU?
NOBODY THINKS
YOU'RE COOL, YOU KNOW.
NOBODY THINKS
YOU'RE COOL, YOU KNOW.
TRUST ME. I KNOW.
TRUST ME. I KNOW.
[DOORBELL RINGS]
Kids: TRICK
OR TREAT!
[DOORBELL RINGS]
Kids: TRICK
OR TREAT!
Lindsay: MOM?
OH, NO.
HA HA HA.
THAT'S
THE WRONG COSTUME.
THAT'S
THE WRONG COSTUME.
YOU WERE SUPPOSED
TO BE MY LITTLE
PRINCESS.
YOU WERE SUPPOSED
TO BE MY LITTLE
PRINCESS.
WELL, I GUESS
I'LL HAVE TO BE
YOUR LITTLE
PRINCE INSTEAD.
YOUR LITTLE
PRINCE INSTEAD.
[DOORBELL RINGS]
I'LL GET IT.
OHH.
Kids:
TRICK OR TREAT!
AREN'T YOU
THE CUTEST THINGS?
LINDSAY,
AREN'T THEY CUTE?
YEAH. THEY ARE.
YEAH. THEY ARE.
HERE YOU GO.
HERE YOU GO.
HAPPY HALLOWEEN.
HAPPY HALLOWEEN.
SAM?
CAN I COME IN?
YEAH.
YEAH.
YOU OK?
YEAH. I'M JUST READING
A BOOK FOR SCHOOL.
YEAH. I'M JUST READING
A BOOK FOR SCHOOL.
IS IT ANY GOOD?
I DON'T KNOW YET.
EVERYONE'S NAME IS
REALLY WEIRD AND LONG.
EVERYONE'S NAME IS
REALLY WEIRD AND LONG.
WELL, DON'T STAY UP
TOO LATE.
I WON'T, DAD.
I WON'T, DAD.
CAPTIONING MADE POSSIBLE BY
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PUBLIC PERFORMANCE OF CAPTIONS
PROHIBITED WITHOUT PERMISSION OF
DREAMWORKS L.L.C. AND NCI
PUBLIC PERFORMANCE OF CAPTIONS
PROHIBITED WITHOUT PERMISSION OF
DREAMWORKS L.L.C. AND NCI
HERE'S THE BET.
FOR 10 BUCKS...
I'LL DRINK THIS MUCH
OF ANYTHING.
ANYTHING?
ANYTHING.
AS LONG AS
IT'S SOMETHING
YOU CAN EAT.
OK, ONLY STUFF
FROM THE KITCHEN.
NOTHING FROM THE BATHROOM
AND NOTHING FROM THE GARAGE.
OK.
AND IT HAS TO BE FOOD, OK?
NOTHING FROM UNDER
THE SINK.
OK? NO CLEANSERS,
NO DETERGENT,
NO FURNITURE POLISH,
AND NO CUT UP BITS
OF SPONGE.
OK.
I'M JUST TRYING
TO WIN 10 BUCKS
HERE.
I DON'T WANNA DIE.
ALL RIGHT,
NOW PUT ON...
THE BLINDFOLD.
THE BLINDFOLD.
I DON'T WANT TO
MESS UP MY HAIR.
ALL RIGHT.
AND NOW STEP INTO
THE SOUNDPROOF BOOTH.
THE SOUNDPROOF BOOTH.
I'M TRUSTING YOU GUYS.
I'M TRUSTING YOU GUYS.
OK, PUT IN
SOME MUSTARD.
IT'S AN IPECAC.
IT'LL MAKE HIM
BARF.
DON'T MAKE HIMBARF.
MY MOM COOKS DINNER
IN HERE!
IF WE'RE NOT TRYING
TO MAKE HIM BARF,
THEN WHY ARE WE
DOING THIS?
I CAN HEAR
EVERYTHING YOU GUYS
ARE SAYING.
COME ON, BILL!
QUIT LISTENING!
I CAN'T HELP IT.
THEN HUM SO
YOU CAN'T HEAR US.
[HUMMING]
CAYENNE PEPPER.
OOH! GOOD ONE!
PASS ME
THE PICKLE JUICE.
[HUMMING]
YOU KNOW, MY COUSIN...
ONCE DRANK AN ENTIRE JAR
OF PICKLE JUICE.
HE HAD TO SIT
ON THE TOILET
FOR 10 HOURS.
OH, GOD,
THAT'S NASTY!
OH, THIS IS GONNA
BE GREAT.
SALT...SARDINES...
AW!
DISGUSTING!
OH, MAN!
[HUMMING]
VINEGAR! MMM...
WAIT, WAIT...
VINEGAR!
SOY SAUCE.
SOY SAUCE!
dd HMM HMM HMM
HMM HMM HMM dd
CHILI!
FOR TEXTURE.
THAT'S DISGUSTING!
EXACTLY!
AND JUST A LITTLE
BIT OF JELLY.
SOME DAIRY CREAMER.
AND...
TOP IT ALL OFF...
A COUPLE OF
AFTER-DINNER MINTS.
HA HA HA!
ALL RIGHT.
NOW MIX IT UP.
ALL RIGHT.
ALL RIGHT.
dd HMM HMM HMM
HMM HMM HMM dd
OH, GOD!
OH, IT'S BUBBLING!
HA HA HA!
THAT'S DISGUSTING!
ALL RIGHT.
dd HMM HMM HMM HMM
HMM HMM HMM dd
OUCH!
IT'S SHOW TIME!
IT'S SHOW TIME!
LET ME SEE
THE MONEY FIRST.
LET ME SEE
THE MONEY FIRST.
COME ON,
DRINK UP ALREADY.
DON'T RUSH ME.
DON'T RUSH ME.
UH...EEW!
EEW!
HA HA HA HA
HA HA HA!
HA HA HA HA
HA HA HA!
IT'S NOT BAD.
IT'S NOT BAD.
OH! EEW!
OH, COME ON!
[LAUGHS] IT'S
MAKING ME SICK!
CAPTIONING MADE POSSIBLE BY
DREAMWORKS TELEVISION. L.L.C.
dd I DON'T GIVE A DAMN
'BOUT MY REPUTATION dd
dd I DON'T GIVE A DAMN
'BOUT MY REPUTATION dd
dd LIVIN' IN THE PAST,
IT'S A NEW GENERATIO
dd GO AND DO
WHAT YOU WANT TO DO dd
dd AND THAT'S WHAT
I'M GONNA DO dd
dd AND I DON'T GIVE A DAMN
'BOUT MY BAD REPUTATION dd
dd AND I DON'T GIVE A DAMN
'BOUT MY BAD REPUTATION dd
dd OH, NO, NO, NO,
NO, NO, NO, NO dd
dd NOT ME dd
dd WHAH! NO! dd
dd NO, NO, NO, NO,
NO, NO, NO dd
dd NOT ME dd
dd ME, ME, ME, ME dd
dd I DON'T GIVE A DAMN
'BOUT MY REPUTATION dd
dd I DON'T GIVE A DAMN
'BOUT MY REPUTATION dd
dd I'VE NEVER BEEN AFRAID
OF ANY DEVIATION dd
dd I'VE NEVER BEEN AFRAID
OF ANY DEVIATION dd
dd AND I DON'T REALLY CARE
IF YOU THINK I'M STRANGE dd
dd I AIN'T GONNA CHANGE dd
dd AND I'M NEVER GONNA CARE
'BOUT MY BAD REPUTATION dd
dd AND I'M NEVER GONNA CARE
'BOUT MY BAD REPUTATION dd
dd NOT ME! dd
dd NOT ME! dd
HEY, LOOK! MAPLEFARM REALTY
GAVE EVERYONE IN THE
NEIGHBORHOOD FREE PUMPKINS!
WASN'T THAT NICE?
WELL, THERE'S NOTHING
NICE ABOUT IT.
IT'S A CHEAP WAY
TO GET CUSTOMERS.
THEY GIVE YOU
A 20-CENT PUMPKIN,
YOU GIVE THEM 10 GRAND
TO SELL THE HOUSE.
SOME DEAL.
WELL, I JUST THINK
IT WAS NICE.
OOH.
HEY, CAN I HAVE
THE PRIZE?
MY BOWL...MY PRIZE.
COME ON.
COME ON.
[WHISTLES]
[WHISTLES]
SAM, WHAT ARE YOU
TRYING TO DO, KILL ME?
SORRY.
HEY, SAMMY, WHAT ARE YOU
GOING OUT AS FOR HALLOWEEN?
I-I'M NOT GOING OUT.
BILL AND I ARE
GONNA SEETHE NUDE
BOMBAT PARKWAY.
HEY, THAT'S A DIRTY MOVIE.
DAD, IT'S
A GET SMART MOVIE.
WHOA, WHOA, WHOA.
YOU'RE NOT GOING
TRICK OR TREATING?
MOM! I-I'M IN
NINTH GRADE!
I KNOW.
BUT YOU WENT OUT LAST YEAR.
YEAH. WELL,
LAST YEAR I WAS
IN JUNIOR HIGH.
YEAH, BUT SAM...
HONEY, THE BOY'S 14.
HE CAN MISS A NIGHT OF
WALKING AROUND THE NEIGHBORHOOD
BEGGIN' LIKE A TRAMP.
HALLOWEEN'S
FOR LITTLE KIDS ANYWAY.
HEY, LINDSAY,
YOU'RE STILL GONNA
HAND OUT CANDY
WITH ME, AREN'T YOU?
REMEMBER HOW MUCH
FUN WE HAD
LAST YEAR
LOOKING AT ALL
THE LITTLE KIDS
IN THEIR COSTUMES?
YEAH, MOM. I TOLD YOU
I WAS GOING TO.
WELL, GOOD!
'CAUSE WE'RE
GONNA HAVE
A REALLY GOOD
TIME THIS YEAR,
I PROMISE.
I PROMISE.
HEY, LINDSAY.
LONG TIME NO SEE.
I SAW YOU OUT HERE
YESTERDAY.
WHY ARE YOU
WEARING A HAT?
IT'S THE DAY BEFORE
HALLOWEEN.
THAT YOUR COSTUME?
IT KINDA SUCKS.
NO. IT'S DEVIL'S DAY.
EACH YEAR,
THE SENIORS BRING
IN HAIR REMOVAL FOAM
AND SPRAY IT ON
FRESHMEN'S HEADS.
THEN ALL YOUR HAIR
FALLS OUT.
REALLY?
NO. THAT STUPID
RUMOR'S BEEN AROUND
FOR YEARS.
YEAH, I KNOW.
I WAS JUST
GOOFIN' ON 'EM.
NO, YOU WEREN'T!
YES, I WAS.
Millie: HEY, LINDSAY.
HEY, MILLIE.
HEY, MILLIE.
WHAT ARE YOU DOING
TOMORROW NIGHT?
MY CHURCH IS HAVING
A HALLOWEEN DANCE.
YOU WANNA COME?
OH. WELL...
I WOULD GO,
BUT I GOTTA HAND OUT
CANDY WITH MY MOM.
OH. OK.
OH. OK.
DO YOU WANT
SOME LICK-A-MAID?
NO. YOU EAT
CANDYNOW?
MILLIE, IT'S 7:30
IN THE MORNING.
IT'S JUST LICK-A-MAID.
IT MAKES MY SPIT
TASTE LIKE
FRUIT JUICE.
IT MAKES MY SPIT
TASTE LIKE
FRUIT JUICE.
[VEHICLE APPROACHING]
HEY, CHECK IT OUT.
IT'S LINDSAY.
HEY, LINDSAY.
WHAT'S UP?
HEY, DANIEL.
HEY, KIM.
HELLO, BRAIN.
SO, THIS IS
YOUR BUS STOP?
[KIM
GIGGLES]
YEAH.
YEAH.
WE'VE HAD
THE SAME BUS STOP
SINCE KINDERGARTEN.
HOW FAST DOES
YOUR CAR GO?
150, IF I HOOK UP
THE NITROUS TANK.
[KIM GIGGLES]
YOUR CAR
IS REALLY LOUD.
MY DAD SAYS YOU
NEED A MUFFLER.
ONCE HE EVEN THREW
A ROCK AT YOU
WHEN YOU DROVE BY.
BUT...I GUESS
YOU DIDN'T HEAR IT.
HE THREW A ROCK
AT ME?
HEY, KID, WHAT THE HELL
ARE YOU EATING?
IS THAT LAUNDRY SOAP?
IT'S LICK-A-MAID.
WANT SOME?
MILLIE...
U-UM...I'LL PASS.
UH, YEAH.
WE GOTTA GET GOIN'.
I'D GIVE YOU
A RIDE, LINDS,
BUT I GOT AN ENGINE
BLOCK IN THE BACKSEAT.
YEAH.
YEAH.
MMM!
MMM!
THANKS FOR THE CANDY,
SKINNY.
[ENGINE ROARS]
[ENGINE ROARS]
SEE? MY DAD'S RIGHT.
HE NEEDS A MUFFLER.
HE NEEDS A MUFFLER.
SO ARE YOU GUYS
GOING TO SARA'S
PARTY TOMORROW NIGHT?
YEAH, BUT I THINK
I'M GOING TO
JIM'S FIRST.
YEAH, BUT I THINK
I'M GOING TO
JIM'S FIRST.
HEY!
IF IT ISN'T THE...
AMELIA EARHART
OF McKINLEY HIGH.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN?
WELL, YOU HEAD TO CLASS,
BUT YOU NEVER SEEM
TO GET THERE.
MR. ROSSO,
COULD YOU NOT HUMILIATE ME
IN FRONT OF THE WHOLE SCHOOL?
COME ON, LINDSAY,
DON'T TURN ME INTO
THE MAN HERE.
I'M JUST TRYING
TO HELP YOU.
AND IF, WHEN YOU
GRADUATE, IT TURNS
OUT I DID HELP YOU
BUT YOU HATE ME...
I'M OK WITH THAT.
I GOTTA GET
TO CLASS.
SEE? IT'S WORKIN'
ALREADY.
SEE? IT'S WORKIN'
ALREADY.
EMBARRASSING. THAT'S
THE ONLY WORD I CAN THINK OF
TO DESCRIBE THESE BOOKS
YOU'VE CHOSEN TO DO
YOUR REPORTS ON.
TO DESCRIBE THESE BOOKS
YOU'VE CHOSEN TO DO
YOUR REPORTS ON.
AL JAFFE'S SNAPPY ANSWERS
TO STUPID QUESTIONS.
THE NOVELIZATION
OF "STAR WARS."
YES, I CAN...
THE AUTOBIOGRAPHY
OF SAMMY DAVIS, JR.
THE AUTOBIOGRAPHY
OF SAMMY DAVIS, JR.
CRIME AND PUNISHMENT
IS A GOOD EXAMPLE
OF THE KIND OF BOOK
YOU SHOULD BE READING NOW.
IN IT, FYODOR DOSTOEVSKY
WAS ATTEMPTING TO CREATE
WHAT SOME WOULD CALL
AN EXISTENTIAL ENIGMA...
AN EXISTENTIAL ENIGMA...
A PROTAGONIST WHO WAS
BOTH A NIHILIST
AND A MORALIST.
NOW, I KNOW THIS SOUNDS
CONFUSING TO YOU ALL,
BUT SOON YOU'LL ALL KNOW
WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT,
BECAUSE I EXPECT YOU TO HAVE
THE FIRST HALF OF
THIS BOOK READ BY MONDAY.
[CLASS GROANS]
IT'S TIME TO GROW UP, PEOPLE!
[CLASS GROANS]
IT'S TIME TO GROW UP, PEOPLE!
YOU LIKE THAT?
NO!
GETS YOU HOT?
WOULD YOU
KNOCK IT OFF?
YOU'RE MAKING ME SICK!
HEY...WHY DON'T YOU
MAKE OUT WITH NICKY THERE,
AND WE'LL CALL IT
A FOURSOME?
YEAH. WHY DON'T YOU
MAKE OUT WITH MY BUTT,
AND WE'LL CALL IT LOVE?
HEY, YOU GUYS,
BE COOL.
THE NARC'S HERE.
YEAH. WATCH OUT,
OR I'LL BUST YOU.
HEY, MAN,
I AIN'T JOKING.
I HEARD ABOUT
WHAT YOU DID TO
BRIAN STOKER.
SAW HIM SMOKING
A "J" OUTSIDE
THE QUICK FILL
AND WENT INSIDE
AND TOLD
SOME COPS?
BRIAN'S IN
PRISON NOW, MAN.
AND I HEARD
HIS BROTHER'S
LOOKIN' FOR YOU.
WHAT?
I DIDN'T DO THAT.
WHAT?
I DIDN'T DO THAT.
YEAH. I KNOW.
I WAS JUST
MESSING WITH YOU.
SHE GOT ME WITH
THAT SAME JOKE
LAST WEEK.
IT'S KINDA FUNNY,
THOUGH.
IT'S KINDA FUNNY,
THOUGH.
HILARIOUS.
HEY, WHAT ARE YOU DOIN'
FOR HALLOWEEN?
OH, I HAVE TO
HAND OUT CANDY
WITH MY MOM.
I KNOW, IT...
SOUNDS REALLY
DORKY.
SHE GETS REALLY
INTO IT.
OH, LINDSAY,
I DON'T THINK
THAT SOUNDS
DORKY AT ALL.
YOU KNOW WHAT?
AT LEAST SHE'S
BEIN' NICE.
JUST BECAUSE YOU
HATE YOUR MOTHER
DOESN'T MEAN THAT
EVERYBODY ELSE
DOES, OK?
NO, EVERYBODY
HATES HER MOTHER.
Kim:
HA HA HA!
WELL, WHAT ARE YOU
GUYS DOING?
OH, WELL, UH, KIM,
NICK AND I ARE
GOIN' OUT.
BORROWIN' MY UNCLE'S
BIG-ASS CADDY, AND...
WE THOUGHT MAYBE
YOU'D LIKE TO
COME WITH US.
OH, YOU MEAN
LIKE A...DOUBLE DATE?
OH, YOU MEAN
LIKE A...DOUBLE DATE?
IF THAT'S WHAT
YOU NEED
TO CALL IT
IN YOUR DIARY,
PRINCESS.
TO CALL IT
IN YOUR DIARY,
PRINCESS.
I CAN'T.
YOUR LOSS.
[BELL RINGS]
OH, THE BELL.
LET'S NOT BE LATE
FOR CLASS.
[LAUGHS]
YEAH, RIGHT!
HEY, LINDSAY,
I--YOU KNOW,
I THINK IT'S--
I THINK IT'S NICE
THAT YOU'RE HELPING
YOUR MOM HAND OUT CANDY.
SO...I'LL SEE YOU
LATER.
YEAH.
SEE YOU LATER.
SEE YOU LATER.
THIS IS GONNA TAKE
LIKE A TRILLION YEARS
TO READ.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW
WHAT IT'S ABOUT.
WHITMAN SAID
IT'S ABOUT
AN AX MURDERER.
THAT SOUNDS
KINDA COOL.
I GUARANTEE YOU
IT'S NOT GONNA
BE COOL.
I MEAN...LOOK HOW SMALL
THE PRINTING IS.
UH, PERHAPS
YOU'VE NEVER HEARD
OF A LITTLE THING
CALLED...
CLIFF NOTES?
YOU STILL HAVE
TO READ THEM.
WHITMAN IS SUCH A JERK!
YOU KNOW?
SHE SAYS YOU HAVE
TO BE YOUNG ADULTS.
WE'RE NOT ADULTS.
WE'RE KIDS UNTIL
WE TURN 18.
MAYBE YOU ARE.
BUT WHEN
I HIT 13,
I BECAME A MAN.
THAT'S ONLY IN
YOUR TEMPLE, NEAL,
NOT IN THE REAL WORLD.
HEY! WE SHOULD GO TRICK
OR TREATING TOMORROW NIGHT.
IN CASE YOU
HAVEN'T NOTICED,
WE'RE
A LITTLE OLD.
NO, WE'RE NOT, OK?
WE WENT TRICK OR
TREATING LAST YEAR.
COME ON.
LET'S GO OUT
TOMORROW NIGHT.
NO WAY. I'M GOING
TO THE J.C.'S
HAUNTED HOUSE.
THE HOTDOG
ON A STICK GIRLS
FROM THE MALL
ARE WORKIN' IT.
THE TALL ONES?
YEAH. JUDY.
THEY'RE HOT.
TOOTIE, TOOTIE!
ALL RIGHT, THEN
WHY DON'T WE
GO TRICK
OR TREATING
BEFORE THAT?
WHY DON'T WE JUST
GO BUY CANDY?
OH, YEAH, THAT'S
REALLYFUN.
COME ON!
IT'LL BE A BLAST.
IT'S BETTER THAN
SITTING HOME READING
SOME STUPID RUSSIAN BOOK.
SURE.
OK, YOU KNOW, I--
YEAH, I GUESS--
I COULD--
YOU KNOW, WE--
I--YEAH, I GUESS SO.
I DON'T KNOW.
YOU'RE NEVER GONNA
DRESS UP AS GROUCHO AGAIN?
YOU'RE NEVER GONNA
DRESS UP AS GROUCHO AGAIN?
WELL...
[AS GROUCHO]
THAT'S THE MOST
RIDICULOUS THING
I'VE EVER HOIRD!
GROUCHO SUCKS.
GROUCHO SUCKS.
TOMMY!
HONEY!
HONEY!
LINDSAY!
LINDSAY!
HEY, LINDSAY.
WHAT'S UP?
MILLIE,
WHO IS THAT?
MILLIE,
WHO IS THAT?
WHO?
MILLIE!
MILLIE!
YOU WEREN'T
SUPPOSED TO SEE.
THAT'S TOMMY,
MY SECRET LOVE.
WE MET
THIS SUMMER
AT CHURCH CAMP.
YOU HAVE A BOYFRIEND?
LINDSAY, YOU'VE
GOTTA KEEP THIS
A SECRET.
I MEAN...TOMMY
AND I DON'T EVEN
FRENCH KISS YET.
TOMMY SAYS
THAT IF YOU DO
BEFORE YOU'VE BEEN
GOING OUT FOR 6 MONTHS,
YOU GO TO HELL.
WHY DIDN'T YOU
TELL ME?
I DIDN'T WANT TO
MAKE YOU FEEL BAD...
SINCE YOU DON'T
HAVE A BOYFRIEND
AND ALL.
SINCE YOU DON'T
HAVE A BOYFRIEND
AND ALL.
COME ON. NO WAY!
I'M TELLING YOU, MAN.
IT'S TRUE.
WHEN I HEARD HIM PLAY
AT COBO HALL,
THE GUY WAS AMAZING.
WHOA, HOLD ON A SECOND.
SO THEY'RE CALLED
SANTANA, RIGHT?
BUT THAT GUY WHO'S
SINGING...IS NOT
SANTANA.
NO. SANTANA'S
THE GUITAR PLAYER.
THEN HOW DID HE
GET THEM TO NAME
THE BAND AFTER HIM?
I DON'T KNOW, MAN.
MAYBE HE'S JUST
A BAD ASS.
IF THAT'S TRUE,
THAT'S...AMAZING.
HEY, MAYBE WE SHOULD
NAME OUR BAND ZARIOS.
Lindsay: HEY!
I'M GOING OUT WITH
YOU GUYS TOMORROW NIGHT.
HEY! HEY,
THAT'S GREAT!
YEAH, BUT WHAT
ABOUT YOUR MOM?
HOW'S SHE GONNA
HAND OUT CANDY
ALL BY HERSELF?
HOW'S SHE GONNA
HAND OUT CANDY
ALL BY HERSELF?
WELL, SHE'LL SURVIVE.
WELL, WELL,
WELL...
WELL, WELL,
WELL...
dd
dd YOU DID THE MASH
d
dd YOU DID
THE MONTHSTER MASH d
dd IT WAS A SMASH dd
HA.
dd IT WAS
A GRAVEYARD SMASH dd
RIGHT?
[GIGGLES]
Sam: HEY, MOM,
NEAL, BILL, AND I DECIDED
TO GO TRICK OR TREATING
TOMORROW NIGHT.
OH, SAM, THAT'S GREAT!
WE HAVE TO GET YOU
A COSTUME.
NO, MOM. I'M GONNA
MAKE MY OWN.
I'M GOIN' OUT AS GORT.
HE'S THE ROBOT FROM
THE DAY THE EARTH
STOOD STILL.
OOH! GORT!
HOW EXCITING!
SAM, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
YOU'RE TOO OLD TO GO OUT
TRICK OR TREATING.
OH, HAROLD, STOP.
WELL, IT'S TRUE!
THERE WAS THIS KID
IN MY NEIGHBORHOOD
WHEN I WAS GROWING UP--
SCOTT BYRON.
HE KEPT ON TRICK
OR TREATING UNTIL HE WAS
WELL INTO HIS 20s.
YOU KNOW WHERE
HE'S LIVING NOW?
AT HOME.
WITH HIS 90-YEAR-OLD
MOTHER!
HE'S THE LAUGHINGSTOCK
OF THE COMMUNITY.
NEVER TOOK A WIFE,
EITHER.
I DON'T THINK
THERE'S ANYTHING WRONG
WITH ACTING LIKE A KID
EVERY ONCE IN A WHILE.
I KNOW LINDSAY AND I
ARE GONNA HAVE A GREAT
TIME TOMORROW NIGHT,
AREN'T WE, SWEETIE?
YEAH, MOM. WE SURE ARE.
dd HE DID THE MASH dd
dd HE DID THE MONTHSTER
MASH dd
Both: dd IT WAS A SMASH dd
dd IT WAS
A GRAVEYARD SMASH dd
[GIGGLING]
[GIGGLING]
THEN BILL AND I'LL
COME BY YOUR PLACE.
AND BRING
PILLOW CASES.
NO GROCERY BAGS.
IF YOUR BAG RIPS,
YOU'RE ON YOUR OWN.
I'M GONNA BRING
MY PLASTIC PUMPKIN.
DON'T BRING THAT.
IT GETS FULL
AFTER ONE STREET.
NOT IF I EAT THE CANDY
AS WE GO.
LAST TIME
YOU DID THAT,
YOU PUKED BEFORE
WE GOT PAST OUR
BUS STOP.
HEY, GUYS. I HEARD
YOU WERE GOING OUT FOR
TRICK OR TREATS TONIGHT.
HOW DID YOU
FIND OUT ABOUT THAT?
WORD GETS OUT.
PEOPLE TALK.
BUT YOU GOTTA BE
ESPECIALLY CAREFUL,
THOUGH.
THE HALLOWEEN CANDY'S
GONNA BE REALLY
DANGEROUS THIS YEAR.
THEY SAY THAT
EVERY YEAR.
YEAH, BUT THIS YEAR
THERE'S A BUNCH OF
EVIL HIPPIES
WHO DON'T WANT REAGAN
TO BE PRESIDENT,
SO TO DISRUPT THE ELECTION,
THEY'RE GOING TO EJECT
THE CANDY WITH HEROIN
AND TURN KIDS INTO ADDICTS.
THAT'S NOT TRUE.
YOU JUST HAVE TO WATCH OUT
FOR PINS AND RAZOR BLADES.
YEAH, AND RAT HAIR'S
A BIG ONE.
YOU'RE GONNA
FIND YOURSELF WISHING
FOR RAT HAIR.
WORD ON THE STREET
IS THEY'RE PUTTING
A POO
IN FUN-SIZED
CANDY BAR WRAPPERS
AND HANDING THOSE OUT.
I LOVE FUN-SIZED
CANDY BARS.
OH, THAT'S STUPID.
LIKE NOBODY'D
BE ABLE TO TELL
WHAT IT REALLY WAS.
THEY DIP IT IN
CHOCOLATE FIRST
SO YOU CAN'T
TELL THE DIFFERENCE
UNTIL IT'S TOO LATE.
SO YOU CAN'T
TELL THE DIFFERENCE
UNTIL IT'S TOO LATE.
SEE YA.
SEE YA.
ACTUALLY, IT SOUNDS
KINDA FUN.
YOU MIND IF I COME
WITH YOU GUYS?
YOU MIND IF I COME
WITH YOU GUYS?
MOM?
IN THE KITCHEN!
IN THE KITCHEN!
HEY, LINDSAY,
WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN?
YOU'RE GONNA MISS
THE FIRST TRICK
OR TREATERS.
YOU KNOW
THE CUTEST ONES
ALWAYS COME EARLY.
YEAH. WELL, I WAS HANGING OUT
WITH MY FRIENDS.
LINDSAY...
LO--AH!
OW. LOOK AT
WHAT WE'RE GONNA
HAND OUT THIS YEAR.
HALLOWEEN COOKIES!
[GIGGLES]
THAT'S GREAT, MOM.
Sam: WHAT'S UP WITH
ALL THE COOKIES?
SAM, I LAID YOUR
ROBOT COSTUME OUT
ON YOUR BED.
YOU DIDN'T RIP IT, DID YOU?
NO. BUT I WROTE,
"MY SON'S THE CUTEST
BOY IN THE WHOLE WORLD"
ON THE FRONT OF IT.
LINDSAY,
I GOT YOU A COSTUME.
GO PUT IT ON, SWEETIE.
I'M GONNA PUT THESE
COOKIES BY THE DOOR.
WE ARE GONNA HAVE
SO MUCH FUN!
WE ARE GONNA HAVE
SO MUCH FUN!
KINDA HATE WHEN MOM
GETS GOOFY LIKE THAT.
KINDA HATE WHEN MOM
GETS GOOFY LIKE THAT.
MMM.
LOOKIN' FOR CHAPLIN...
I'M ONLY SEEING HITLER.
I'M ONLY SEEING HITLER.
IF I WERE
THE BIONIC WOMAN...
WHAT WOULD I WEAR?
WHAT WOULD I WEAR?
THIS IS RIDICULOUS.
I LOOK LIKE TOM SELLECK!
dd GONNA RAISE HELL dd
MOM!
MOM!
dd GONNA RAISE HELL dd
dd GONNA RAISE HELL dd
I'M SORRY, STEVE AUSTIN.
I CAN'T MARRY YOU.
I'M MAD AT YOU RIGHT NOW.
WHAT?
I'M SORRY,
I CAN'T HEAR YOU.
HOLD ON.
I'M GONNA PUT THE PHONE
ON MY BIONIC EAR.
I'M GONNA PUT THE PHONE
ON MY BIONIC EAR.
THAT'S--THAT'S BETTER.
NO, DON'T TALK SO LOUD!
DON'T FORGET,
I'VE GOT BIONIC HEARING.
NO, THESE ARE NOT
BIONIC.
THESE AREALLME.
THESE AREALLME.
I HEARD THAT CRACK, PAL.
OH--OH, IT WASN'T YOU.
OH, OK, I GUESS I'LL JUST--
[MAKING BIONIC SOUND]
DO-DO-DO-DO-DO-DO...
OSCAR GOLDMAN,
IT'S ME, JAIME SOMMERS.
STEVE AUSTIN IS TRAPPED
IN THE--IN THE REACTING--
HI, MOM. OK.
YOU CAN...USE THE PHONE.
[DOORBELL
RINGS]
OH.
HEY, LINDSAY,
HURRY UP, HONEY.
OUR FIRST LITTLE
VISITORS ARE HERE!
OUR FIRST LITTLE
VISITORS ARE HERE!
LINDS?
OH! OH...HA!
OH, MY...
WHAT AN...
INTERESTING...
COSTUME.
OH, WA--
HERE YOU GO.
ALL RIGHT.
HAPPY HALLOWEEN.
ALL RIGHT.
HAPPY HALLOWEEN.
DO YOU--DO YOU WANT
ANOTHER COOKIE?
OK.
I'M, UH...I'M HERE
TO GO OUT
FOR TRICK OR TREATS
TONIGHT WITH SAM.
OH, YOU'RE ONE OF
SAM'S FRIEN--
I AM SO SORRY.
COME ON IN.
MY GOSH! SORRY.
MY GOSH! SORRY.
NICE COSTUME.
YOU LOOK LIKE
RICHARD BENJAMIN
INWESTWORLD.
RICHARD BENJAMIN
INWESTWORLD.
SAY, DON'TYOU
LOOK NICE?
SAY, DON'TYOU
LOOK NICE?
WHAT IN THE HELL
ARE YOU SUPPOSED TO BE?
I'M A GUY
WITH A KNIFE
THROUGH HIS HEAD.
OH. WELL...
MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
HEY, MOM!
MOM, I GOTTA TALK
TO YOU.
[DOORBELL RINGS]
GET YOUR COSTUME ON, HONEY.
THE TRICK OR TREATERS
ARE HERE!
OH!
Both:
TRICK OR TREAT,
SMELL OUR FEET,
GIVE US SOMETHING
GOOD TO EAT.
IF YOU--
HA HA HA!
YOU GUYS ARE
BOTH GREAT.
COME ON IN!
GET IN HERE!
HA HA HA!
HA HA HA!
WOW. HARRIS,
THAT LOOKS REALLY REAL.
HOW DO YOU KNOW
IT ISN'T?
HOW DO YOU KNOW
IT ISN'T?
OH!
IF I HELD YOU
ANY CLOSER,
I'D BE IN BACK OF YA.
HEY,
CUT THAT OUT!
YOU KNOW, BILL,
YOU LOOK REALLY
LOVELY.
I'M JAIME SOMMERS,
THE BIONIC WOMAN.
OH, OF COURSE
YOU ARE!
[WHEELS SCREECH]
WHAT WAS THAT?
[HORN HONKS]
MOM...I'M GONNA
GO HANG OUT WITH
MY FRIENDS FOR
A LITTLE BIT, OK?
I'LL BE BACK.
WAIT, LINDSAY...
MOM,
I'LL BE BACK!
SWEETIE, WAIT!
COME ON, LINDSAY.
LET'S GO.
COME ON, LINDSAY.
LET'S GO.
YOU HAVE ANY FAKE
BLOOD AROUND HERE?
I WANNA FRESHEN UP
MY WOUND BEFORE
WE GO OUT.
WHAT?
WHAT?
SHE DID WHAT?!
SHE SAID IT
WAS ONLY GONNA BE
FOR A LITTLE WHILE.
SHE'LL BE BACK.
YOU KNOW, SHE WAS
REALLY LOOKING
FORWARD TO THIS.
YEAH. WELL, SHE
BETTER BE BACK.
THAT'S ALL
I CAN SAY.
THAT DAUGHTER
OF YOURS IS
ON THIN ICE.
UNTIL SHE GETS BACK,
WOULD YOU PUT THIS ON
AND HELP ME
PASS OUT COOKIES.
AND HELP ME
PASS OUT COOKIES.
OH, FOR CRYING
OUT LOUD.
WHOA-OH-OH-OH!
DON'T FALL OUT.
DON'T FALL OUT.
BOO.
BOO.
HIS PLANS
FELL THROUGH.
YOU KNOW?
I'M SORRY.
dd SHE'S A ROLLER dd
dd A HIGH-ROLLER BABY dd
KNOCK IT OFF,
BLONDIE.
YOU'RE GONNA
BLOW THE SPEAKERS.
OH, I'M SORRY, GRANDPA.
I'LL TRY NOT TO BLOW
ANYTHING OF YOURS
FROM NOW ON.
I'LL TRY NOT TO BLOW
ANYTHING OF YOURS
FROM NOW ON.
HEY! WHAT
ARE WE GONNA DO?
THERE'S
THIS HAUNTED HOUSE
THAT'S SUPPOSED TO BE
REALLY SCARY.
YEAH. HEY, DUDE.
THAT COULD BE
KIND OF FUN, RIGHT?
FOR WHO, LOSERS?
HEY, SHUT UP.
I LIKE HAUNTED
HOUSES.
HA HA HA.
I REST MY CASE.
OH, LISTEN. CAN'T WE
JUST DRIVE AROUND,
SEE WHERE THE
NIGHT TAKES US.
IS THAT COOL
WITH YOU?
LINDSAY?
YEAH.
I'M UP FOR ANYTHING.
Daniel:
RIGHT ON, KID.
HEY, I'M REALLY GLAD
THAT YOU DECIDED
TO COME.
THANKS.
SO AM I.
SO AM I.
HA.
YOU TWO ARE
ADORABLE.
YOU TWO ARE
ADORABLE.
MOM, LOOK.
JESSICA, COME ON.
DON'T STARE.
IT'S NOT POLITE.
IT'S NOT POLITE.
WHY IS EVERYBODY
STARING AT ME?
I MEAN, YOU'D
THINK THEY NEVER SAW
THE BIONIC WOMAN BEFORE.
THEY JUST PROBABLY
DIDN'T KNOW SHE WAS
SO HOT IN REAL LIFE.
HA HA HA.
YOU--ARE YOU--
ARE YOU JOKING?
YOU'RE JOKING,
RIGHT?
I SAW THE REAL
JAMIE SOMMERS AT
THE AUTO SHOW LAST YEAR.
HER BOOBS
WEREN'T THAT BIG.
HEY, WE SHOULD
GO TO THE RICH
NEIGHBORHOOD FIRST.
THEY HAND OUT
THE BEST CANDY.
IT'S NOT TRUE.
RICH PEOPLE
TRADITIONALLY GIVE OUT
THE CHEAPEST CANDY.
IT'S HOW
THEY STAY RICH.
Bill: I JUST HOPE
I GET SOME CANDY
I CAN EAT.
YEAH, I'M ALLERGIC
TO PEANUTS, LICORICE
AND NOUGAT.
HOW CAN YOU POSSIBLY
BE ALLERGIC TO NOUGAT?
HA HA HA.
I DON'T KNOW.
UH, MY DOCTOR
SAYS I'M ALLERGIC
TO MORE THINGS
THAN ANYONE
HE'S EVER SEEN.
THEN I GOT DIBS ON
ALL YOUR MALT BALLS.
YOU CAN HAVE
'EM. I LIKE
PIXIE STICKS.
PIXIE STICKS
RULE.
NO WAY.
CHUNKIES ARE
THE BEST.
UH-UH. CANDY CORN,
MY FRIEND.
I MUST ADMIT, I'M
A WAX LIPS MAN MYSELF.
Kids:
TRICK OR TREAT!
WHY, YOU'RE
THE CUTEST THINGS.
HEY, HAROLD,
COME LOOK!
AAAAH!
Kids:
AAAAAH!
OH, KIDS! I WAS
JUST KIDDING!
I'M NOT REALLY
A VAMPIRE.
I OWN A SPORTING
GOODS STORE.
HEY? WHAT'S
THE BIG IDEA,
SCARING MY KIDS?
I--I DIDN'T
MEAN TO.
NO, I--I'M SORRY.
I MADE HIM PUT THIS ON.
HERE. GIVE THESE
TO YOUR CHILDREN.
THEY'RE HOMEMADE.
ARE YOU CRAZY?
I'VE BEEN LECTURING
MY KIDS FOR WEEKS
NOT TO TAKE
UNWRAPPED CANDY.
THOSE COOKIES COULD
HAVE RAZOR BLADES
OR PINS IN THEM.
I--I WOULDN'T
DO THAT.
I--I WOULDN'T
DO THAT.
COME ON, COWGIRL.
ENOUGH OF THIS
KID'S STUFF.
LET'S HEAD OUT
TO THE BARN,
AND I'LL GIVE YOU
A REAL GOOD ROLL
IN THE HAY.
OH, HAROLD,
NOT NOW.
OH, HAROLD,
NOT NOW.
WHEN?
I MEAN,
THINK ABOUT IT.
ALL THE PEOPLE
IN THIS TOWN
ARE REAL RELIGIOUS.
BUT JUST 'CAUSE
IT'S HALLOWEEN,
THEY'LL HANG
PICTURES OF DEVILS,
WITCHES, GHOSTS
ALL OVER THEIR
HOUSES.
IT'S A JOKE.
YEAH. YEAH, I KNOW.
IT'S TOTAL WHITE,
MIDDLE-CLASS HYPOCRISY.
YEAH. RIGHT.
EXACTLY.
YOU WANNA KNOW WHAT
I THINK ABOUT IT?
[BURPS]
Ken: THAT'S LOVELY,
YOU KNOW. YOUR YEARS
IN CHARM SCHOOL
REALLY PAID OFF.
BY THE WAY, HOW ARE THINGS
GOING AT ASS SCHOOL?
GETTING ALL As.
OHH.
HEY, YOU KNOW
WHERE WE COULD GO?
WE COULD GO
TO THE MOVIES.
THERE'S A NEW
FRIDAY THE 13thPLAYING.
GOD, GREAT! WHY ARE
YOU SO HUNG UP
ABOUT DOING
SOMETHING?
WHAT? ARE WE
BORING TO YOU?
WHAT ARE YOU
TALKING ABOUT?
WE SHOULD DO
SOMETHING.
WE CAN'T JUST
DRIVE AROUND
ALL NIGHT, MAN.
HEY, MAN, WE
AIN'T GONNA JUST
DRIVE AROUND.
IT'S HALLOWEEN.
WE ARE...
dd GONNA RAISE HELL,
GONNA RAISE HELL dd
dd GONNA RAISE HELL dd
dd GONNA RAISE HELL dd
[DOORBELL BUZZES]
Together:
TRICK OR TREAT!
OK...
YEAH.
WHAT DO YOU WANT?
UH...
TRICK OR TREAT.
AREN'T YOU GUYS
A LITTLE OLD FOR THIS?
AREN'T YOU GUYS
A LITTLE OLD FOR THIS?
WE'RE ONLY
FRESHMEN IN
HIGH SCHOOL.
HIGH SCHOOL?
THAT'S TOO OLD.
THAT'S TOO OLD.
WE'RE YOUNG
AT HEART.
WE'RE YOUNG
AT HEART.
OOH, CIRCUS
PEANUTS.
WHAT THE HELL ARE
YOU SUPPOSED TO BE
ANYWAY?
THE TIN MAN?
I'M--I'M GORT.
HE'S THE ROBOT
FROMTHE DAY
THE EARTH
STOOD STILL.
YOU LOOK LIKE
THE FRICKING TIN MAN.
Bill:
UM, MA'AM...
I HOPE THERE
AREN'T ANY PEANUTS
IN THESE PEANUTS.
'CAUSE IF THERE ARE,
I COULD D-DIE.
GOOD NIGHT.
GOOD NIGHT.
THESE ARE SO CUTE.
BUT, YOU KNOW, JEAN,
THEY TRAIN THE KIDS
NOT TO TAKE
UNWRAPPED FOODSTUFFS.
YOU SHOULD SEE
ALL THE PARENTS
WHO ARE DUMPING
THE COOKIES ON YOUR LAWN.
THEY'RE ALL
COVERED WITH ANTS.
WHAT?!
WELL,
HAPPY HALLOWEEN.
WELL,
HAPPY HALLOWEEN.
I GIVE UP.
I GIVE UP.
HAROLD, RUN UP
TO FARMER JACK
AND BUY SOME CANDY.
WHAT? DRESSED
LIKE THIS?
WHAT? DRESSED
LIKE THIS?
ALL RIGHT.
DON'T ANSWER
THE DOOR TILL
I GET BACK.
DON'T ANSWER
THE DOOR TILL
I GET BACK.
STUPID KIDS'
HOLIDAY.
STUPID KIDS'
HOLIDAY.
I SAY WE MAKE
LINDSAY DO IT.
Daniel: NO.
I'M GOING IN.
HEY, NO, NO, MAN.
LET ME DO IT, ALL RIGHT?
OK.
OK.
Daniel:
HEY, RELAX.
IT'S HALLOWEEN.
WE'RE SUPPOSED
TO DO THIS STUFF.
IT'S HALLOWEEN.
WE'RE SUPPOSED
TO DO THIS STUFF.
Daniel:
WHOA!
Daniel:
WHOA!
WHOA!
WHOA!
OH, MAN.
THAT IS SO UNCOOL.
OH, MAN.
THAT IS SO UNCOOL.
I CAN'T BELIEVE
WE JUST DID THAT.
YES, CONGRATULATIONS
TO US ALL, INDEED.
I'M SO HAPPY I'M NOT
AT THE TED NUGENT
CONCERT.
I'M SO HAPPY I'M NOT
AT THE TED NUGENT
CONCERT.
GO.
GO AHEAD, LINDS.
GO.
YOU CAN
DO IT.
YOU CAN
DO IT.
OH, MY...
OH, MY...
Ken:
OH, MY GOD.
COME ON!
COME ON, LINDSAY!
COME ON!
COME ON, LINDSAY!
HAPPY HALLOWEEN.
THIS ONE'S FOR YOU.
Harris: OH, LOOK.
IT'S FUN-SIZED.
YOU GUYS HAVING
A GOOD TIME?
YEAH.
HAPPY HALLOWEEN.
UM...
THANK YOU.
UH...I'LL EAT IT--
I'LL EAT IT LATER.
UH...I'LL EAT IT--
I'LL EAT IT LATER.
WHOA! WHOA!
dd YOU LOOK
TOO GOOD TO ME dd
dd YOUR BEADY EYES dd
dd THEY CUT ME IN TWO dd
dd AND I JUST
CAN'T LET YOU BE dd
dd WELL IT'S
A FREE-FOR-ALL dd
dd AND I
HEARD IT SAID dd
dd YOU CAN BET
YOUR LIFE dd
dd STAKES ARE HIGH
AND SO AM I dd
dd IT'S IN THE AIR
TONIGHT dd
dd IT'S A FREE-FOR-ALL dd
BATTER UP, BABY!
BATTER UP, BABY!
WATCH IT, BABY!
WATCH IT, BABY!
dd IT'S
A FREE-FOR-ALL dd
dd IT'S
A FREE-FOR-ALL dd
dd YEAH, IT'S
A FREE-FOR-ALL dd
dd YEAH, IT'S
A FREE-FOR-ALL dd
ALL RIGHT.
THERE IT IS.
GO FOR IT, WEIR.
DO IT
ALREADY.
OK, OK.
OK, OK.
WHOA!
HA HA!
WHOA!
HA HA!
GREAT.
THANKS A LOT.
I CAN'T
BELIEVE THIS.
I CAN'T BELIEVE
THE HOT-DOG-ON-A-STICK
GIRLS SAW US.
THAT'S MONTHS
OF GROUNDWORK
DOWN THE DRAIN.
LIKE THEY'D EVER
GO OUT WITH YOU.
HEY, SHUT UP.
THEY LIKE ME.
THEY ALWAYS GIVE ME
FREE LEMONADE REFILLS.
Alan:
WELL, WELL, WELL.
IF IT ISN'T
THE GEEK PATROL.
OH, NO, NO,
NO, NO.
OH, MY GOD.
HEY, ALAN.
WHAT'S UP?
I DON'T KNOW WHOSE ASS
I WANT TO KICK FIRST.
YOU BETTER
WATCH OUT, ALAN.
WE KICKED YOUR ASS ONCE.
WE'LL KICK IT AGAIN.
I DON'T THINK SO.
THAT WAS 3
AGAINST ONE.
NOW WE GOT US
A FAIR FIGHT.
IT'S TIME
TO SETTLE THE SCORE.
Daniel:
OH, YEAH.
HA HA HA HA.
NO, NO, NO.
I GOT IT. I GOT IT.
LET'S GO SOAP
THE SCHOOL'S WINDOWS.
NO, LOOK. I SAY
IT'S TIME WE GET DOWN
TO SOME SERIOUS DAMAGE.
KENNETH?
KENNETH?
BREAKFAST,
ANYONE?
Nick: OH,
MY GOODNESS.
WE DON'T WANT
TO FIGHT YOU, ALAN.
Alan:
YOU DON'T HAVE TO.
JUST GIVE US YOUR CANDY
AND YOU'RE FREE TO GO.
OK, HERE.
OK, HERE.
Alan:
NOW YOU, DORK.
FORGET IT.
WE WENT THROUGH
A LOT FOR THIS.
SHUT YOUR MOUTH,
YOU LITTLE GIRL.
I'M NOT
A LITTLE GIRL.
I'M
A BIONIC WOMAN.
YEAH? PROVE IT.
YEAH? PROVE IT.
Neal: NO,
CUT IT OUT. STOP.
JUST TAKE THE CANDY.
THIS IS MY GRANDPA'S COAT.
[CLOTH RIPS]
OW. FELL
ON MY KNIFE.
COME ON, LET'S GET
OUT OF HERE.
COME ON, LET'S GET
OUT OF HERE.
Neal: THAT'S IT.
THAT IS IT.
THIS IS ALL
YOUR FAULT.
I NEVER SHOULD HAVE
LET YOU TALK ME INTO THIS.
I DIDN'T TALK YOU
INTO ANYTHING.
OH, WELL, IT SURE
AS HELL WASN'T MY IDEA.
OH, WELL, IT SURE
AS HELL WASN'T MY IDEA.
OH, YEAH.
YOU'RE TOO COOL
GETTING FREE
LEMONADE REFILLS.
Bill: GUYS! LET'S JUST
STICK TO THE PLAN.
THIS THING ON STRAIGHT?
THIS THING ON STRAIGHT?
KNOW HOW
TO DO IT?
DIG IN, CHILDREN.
AWESOME.
THANK YOU.
ALL RIGHT, JACKPOT.
JACKPOT. COME ON.
ALL RIGHT.
WHERE?
Kim: READY?
OVER THERE!
WHERE?
YOU'RE SUCH
A LITTLE BABY.
HAVE TO HAYOUR L
ITTLE
BABY'S EVENING.
OH, YEAH, AND GOING
TO SOME STUPID HAUNTED HOUSE
IS THAT MUCH BETTER.
YEAH, AND
YOU'RE STUPID.
TAKES ONE
TO KNOW ONE.
WELL,
YOU ARE ONE.
ENOUGH,
GUYS.
COME ON.
MY BRA'S CHAFING.
LET'S GET HOME.
Lindsay: WHERE?
I CAN'T SEE.
KIM, YOU'RE
BLOCKING MY VIEW.
NOW!
NOW!
[CHEERING]
AWESOME, MAN.
THAT WAS SO AWESOME.
Daniel: NAILED 'EM,
BABY, NAILED 'EM.
WHAT?
OH, MY GOD.
WHAT?
WE JUST EGGED
MY LITTLE BROTHER.
WE JUST EGGED
MY LITTLE BROTHER.
OH, MY GOD.
WAIT, STOP THE CAR.
IT'S JUST EGGS.
HE'LL BE FINE.
NO, STOP THE CAR.
PLEASE, DANIEL.
JUST TAKE IT EASY.
TAKE IT EASY.
LET ME
OUT OF THE CAR!
HEY, DANIEL, STOP
THE CAR, ALL RIGHT?
JUST STOP THE CAR.
LET HER OUT.
DON'T GET OUT.
WE'LL GET HIM.
Lindsay:
SAM?
Lindsay:
SAM?
GENTLEMEN...
I'M GOING HOME.
I'M GOING HOME.
OH, MY GOD.
THEY'RE COMING BACK
TO FINISH US OFF.
RUN FOR IT!
LET'S GO CUT THROUGH
THEIR BACK YARD!
LET'S GO CUT THROUGH
THEIR BACK YARD!
SAM?
SAM, I'M SORRY.
LOOK, GET IN THE CAR.
LOOK, GET IN THE CAR.
SAM, I'M REALLY SORRY.
PLEASE? COME ON.
LET US GIVE YOU
A RIDE HOME, OK?
LET US GIVE YOU
A RIDE HOME, OK?
Daniel: KID. IT'S NOT
YOUR SISTER'S FAULT.
SHE DIDN'T EVEN
KNOW IT WAS YOU.
LOOK, SHE'S REALLY,
REALLY UPSET, KID.
I SWEAR TO GOD.
IT'S TRUE, SAM.
I SWEAR TO GOD.
IT'S TRUE, SAM.
I SWEAR TO GOD.
SAM!
SAM!
GOD.
IS IT JUST ME,
OR DID HE SEEM
UPSET?
WOULD YOU
SHUT UP, PLEASE?
HA HA HA HA.
JUST GIVE HER
A BREAK, ALL RIGHT?
MAN, I AM IN
SO MUCH TROUBLE.
JUST TAKE ME HOME.
NO, HEY, WHY DON'T YOU
JUST STICK AROUND--
JUST TAKE
HER HOME, ALREADY.
GOD.
I TOLD YOU
SHE'D BE A DRAG.
I TOLD YOU
SHE'D BE A DRAG.
dd MOTHER dd
dd MOTHER dd
[DOORBELL RINGS]
Kids:
TRICK OR TREAT!
Kids:
TRICK OR TREAT!
[DOOR OPENS]
OH, MY GOD.
SAM, WHAT HAPPENED!
I GOT EGGED.
WHAT'S THE MATTER?
WHAT'S GOING ON?
SAM GOT ATTACKED.
ARE YOU ALL RIGHT?
DID YOU GET EGG
IN YOUR EYE?
I'M FINE.
OH, MY GOD.
OH, MY GOD.
Harold: WELL, WELL, WELL.
LOOK WHO'S HERE.
SO HAPPY YOU COULD
GRACE US WITH YOUR
PRESENCE.
Jean:
WHAT KIND OF
TERRIBLE PEOPLE
WOULD DO THIS
TO A LITTLE BOY?
WHO THE HELL DID
THIS TO YOU, SAM?
WHO THE HELL DID
THIS TO YOU, SAM?
SOME FREAKS.
FREAKS? LIKE
CIRCUS FREAKS?
JEAN, I DON'T THINK
THERE'S BEARDED LADIES
RUNNING AROUND
THROWING EGGS AT KIDS.
HE MEANS HIPPIES.
YOU KNOW WHO
THESE FREAKS WERE?
JUST A BUNCH
OF DIRTBAGS.
OH, HONEY. MY
LITTLE BABY BOY.
I'M NOT A BABY.
I'M NOT A BABY.
CERTAINLY GLAD WE ALL
DECIDED TO CELEBRATE
HALLOWEEN.
LAST TIME I HAD
THIS MUCH FUN
I WAS PINNED
DOWN IN A FOXHOLE
BY THE NORTH KOREANS.
I WAS PINNED
DOWN IN A FOXHOLE
BY THE NORTH KOREANS.
I'M SORRY, HON.
YOU DID
A NICE JOB.
YOU DID
A NICE JOB.
AND YOU ARE
ON THIN ICE, MISSY.
AND YOU ARE
ON THIN ICE, MISSY.
WHEW. I DIDN'T
EXPECT YOU BACK SO SOON.
MOM, I TOLD YOU
I'D BE BACK
IN A LITTLE BIT.
WHO WERE THOSE PEOPLE
YOU WENT OFF WITH?
JUST SOME FRIENDS
FROM SCHOOL.
ANYONE I KNOW?
UNH-UNH.
NOT REALLY.
LINDSAY, IF YOU
DIDN'T WANT TO HAND
OUT CANDY WITH ME,
YOU COULD HAVE
JUST TOLD ME.
I COULDN'T--
MOM, I DIDN'T
WANT TO MAKE
YOU FEEL BAD.
MOM, I DIDN'T
WANT TO MAKE
YOU FEEL BAD.
OH, I DON'T KNOW.
[SIGHS]
THE WORLD IS SUCH
A DIFFERENT PLACE
THAN THE ONE
I GREW UP IN.
EVERYONE JUST SEEMS
SO MUCH MEANER THESE DAYS.
MOM, KIDS DIDN'T
THROW EGGS WHEN
YOU WERE IN SCHOOL?
I DON'T KNOW.
I GUESS SO.
I DON'T KNOW.
I GUESS SO.
I JUST KNOW
I NEVER DID.
I JUST KNOW
I NEVER DID.
[KNOCK ON DOOR]
[DOOR OPENS]
[DOOR OPENS]
NOTHING LIKE GETTING
YELLED AT BY DAD
WHEN HE'S DRESSED
LIKE A VAMPIRE, HUH?
WHEN HE'S DRESSED
LIKE A VAMPIRE, HUH?
THANKS FOR NOT
TURNING ME IN.
THANKS FOR NOT
TURNING ME IN.
I'M REALLY SORRY.
YOU KNOW THAT,
DON'T YOU?
I'M REALLY SORRY.
YOU KNOW THAT,
DON'T YOU?
NOBODY THINKS
YOU'RE COOL, YOU KNOW.
NOBODY THINKS
YOU'RE COOL, YOU KNOW.
TRUST ME. I KNOW.
TRUST ME. I KNOW.
[DOORBELL RINGS]
Kids: TRICK
OR TREAT!
[DOORBELL RINGS]
Kids: TRICK
OR TREAT!
Lindsay: MOM?
OH, NO.
HA HA HA.
THAT'S
THE WRONG COSTUME.
THAT'S
THE WRONG COSTUME.
YOU WERE SUPPOSED
TO BE MY LITTLE
PRINCESS.
YOU WERE SUPPOSED
TO BE MY LITTLE
PRINCESS.
WELL, I GUESS
I'LL HAVE TO BE
YOUR LITTLE
PRINCE INSTEAD.
YOUR LITTLE
PRINCE INSTEAD.
[DOORBELL RINGS]
I'LL GET IT.
OHH.
Kids:
TRICK OR TREAT!
AREN'T YOU
THE CUTEST THINGS?
LINDSAY,
AREN'T THEY CUTE?
YEAH. THEY ARE.
YEAH. THEY ARE.
HERE YOU GO.
HERE YOU GO.
HAPPY HALLOWEEN.
HAPPY HALLOWEEN.
SAM?
CAN I COME IN?
YEAH.
YEAH.
YOU OK?
YEAH. I'M JUST READING
A BOOK FOR SCHOOL.
YEAH. I'M JUST READING
A BOOK FOR SCHOOL.
IS IT ANY GOOD?
I DON'T KNOW YET.
EVERYONE'S NAME IS
REALLY WEIRD AND LONG.
EVERYONE'S NAME IS
REALLY WEIRD AND LONG.
WELL, DON'T STAY UP
TOO LATE.
I WON'T, DAD.
I WON'T, DAD.
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