Freaks and Geeks (1999–2000): Season 1, Episode 12 - The Garage Door - full transcript

Man on television:
HEY, WHAT'S THIS, LAST
CHEESECAKE BEFORE EXIT?

CAPTIONING MADE POSSIBLE BY
DREAMWORKS TELEVISION. L.L.C.

WOW, THIS SURE IS
A NICE PLACE HERE.

YES, SIRREE, I BET
ALL THE BAKING'S DONE
RIGHT ON THE PREMISES.

BILL, WAKE UP.
IT'S ON.

BILL, GET UP.

SAM, UP AND AT 'EM, SAM.
LET'S GO.

WHY IS IT ON
SO LATE?

'CAUSE AT 8:00
YOU CAN'T SAY,

"JANE,
YOU IGNORANT SLUT."

I GOT YOUR ICE CREAM
RIGHT HERE.



WHAT DO YOU SAY,
FELLAS?

WHO WANTS
YOUR ICE CREAM, HUH?

2 DOWN FRONT,
DAD.

OKEY-DOKE.

HERE YOU GO.

ALL RIGHT.

SAMMY, MY BOY,
OH, SAMMY,

DID YOU WANT
SOME ICE CREAM?
THANKS.

BILL? BILL?
COME ON, BILL,

WE GOT ICE CREAM
ANDSATURDAY NIGHT LIVE,BILL,

BILL?

HELLO, MY NAME'S
PAULIE HERMAN.

NICE TO MEET YOU.

I'M FROM JERSEY.



GOD, I MISS
BILL MURRAY.

PISCOPO
CRACKS ME UP.

OH, I LOVE
PISCOPO.

DAD, IF BILL'S NOT GONNA
EAT HIS ICE CREAM,
CAN I HAVE IT?

OH, BILL'S GONNA HAVE
HIS ICE CREAM,

BECAUSE, BILL...
LIVE FROM NEW YORK!
IT'S SATURDAY NIGHT! BILL!

[LAUGHING]

WHY DO YOU GUYS
ALWAYS PUT STUFF ON ME?

I'M GONNA GET SOME POP,
THAT'LL KEEP YOU GUYS UP.

YOUR DAD'S
THE COOLEST.

I HEARD THAT!

YEAH.

I D'T GIVE A DAMN LIVIN' IN THE PAST,
'BOUT MYIT'S A NEW GENERATION

GO AND DO
WHAT YOU WANT TO DO

AND THAT'S WHAT
I'M GONNA DO

AND I DON'T GIVE A DAMN
'BOUT MY BAD REPUTATION

OH, NO, NO, NO,
NO, NO, NO, NO

NOT ME

WHAH! NO!

NO, NO, NO, NO,
NO, NO, NO

NOT ME

ME, ME, ME, ME

I DON'T GIVE A DAMN
'BOUT MY REPUTATION

I'VE NEVER BEEN AFRAID
OF ANY DEVIATION

AND I DON'T REALLY CARE
IF YOU THINK I'M STRANGE

I AIN'T GONNA CHANGE

AND I'MEVER GONNA CARE
'BOUT MY BAD REPUTATION

N ME!

[PLAYING25 OR 6 TO 4]

WHAT ARE THEY DOING
TO THIS SONG?

WHAT SONG IS IT?

IT WAS CHICAGO'S
25 OR 6 TO 4,

BUT NOW IT'S TOTALLY
UNRECOGNIZABLE.

WHY DO YOU EVEN KNOW
THIS SONG, MAN?

Nick: 'CAUSE IT'S
A GOOD SONG, MAN.

OH, MY GOD,
YOU GUYS, YOU GUYS,

CHECK OUT
THE PIZZA-FACE DORK
WITH THE TROMBONE.

WHY DOESN'T HE JUST
POP THOSE THINGS?

I THINK IF HE DID,
HE'D DIE OF BLOOD LOSS.

[LAUGHS]

OH, OH,
HERE WE GO.

LOOK, LOOK,
IT'S TUBA GIRL.

HEY! HEY, YOUR TUBA
IS SO BIG AND SEXY!

IT MAKES ME HOT
LISTENING TO IT, BABY!

PLAY ME SOME
BILLY JOEL! YEAH!

HEY, AT LEAST SHE KNOWS
HOW TO PLAY AN INSTRUMENT.

THAT'S NOT PLAYING
AN INSTRUMENT.

IT'S LIKE BLOWING
INTO A TOILET.

IT SOUNDS BETTER THAN
YOUR SINGING.

Nick: OOH.
OH, MY.

LINDSAY,
HERE'S AN IDEA.

HOW ABOUT
YOU BREAK UP OUR BAND

SO YOU CAN
MAKE OUT WITH NICK?

OH, WAIT, YOU ALREADY
DID THAT, THAT'S RIGHT.

Nick:
SHUT UP, MAN!
OW!

HEY, I'M REALLY, REALLY
SORRY HE SAID THAT,
YOU KNOW?

EHH.

NO, REALLY.
HE DIDN'T MEAN IT,
YOU KNOW?

WHATEVER.
NO BIG DEAL.

YEAH?
YEAH.

OH, SO, HAROLD,

NEAL'S DAD
IS PERFORMING EMERGENCY
DENTAL SURGERY TONIGHT.

WELL,
GOOD FOR HIM.

YEAH, LAST WEEK
HE TOLD ME ABOUT
THIS LADY

WHO SLIPPED
ON THE ICE
ONTO THE SIDEWALK

AND CRACKED
HER TEETH.

SHE WAS ALLERGIC
TO ANESTHETICS

SO SHE HAD
TO BAWAKE
FOR THE WHOLE THING.

SHE HAD A TOOTH
IMDDED IN THE ROOF
OF HER MOUTH

AND MY DAD HAD TO
SUCTION OUT, LIKE,
A GALLON OF BLOOD.

WELL,
WHAT A CHARMING STORY.

OH, SO LINDSAY,
HAVE YOU SEEN
ORDINARY PEOPLEYET?

NO, I HAVEN'T
SEEN IT.

OH, WELL, YOU HAVE TO.

I CRIED.

AND, UM,
I'M GONNA SEE IT AGAIN.

COOL. I'M SURE
YOU AND SAM

AVEA REALLY GOOD TIME.

NO, I'M NOT
GONNA SEE IT.

IT'S NOT FUNNY.

NEAL, WOULD YOU LIKE
SOME MORE MEATBALLS?

OH, NO, THANK YOU.

MY FATHESAYS THAT
TOO MUCH RED MEAT

CAN LEAD
TO HEART DISEASE.

OH.

UH, DAD, CAN I HAVE
AN ATARI FOR MY BIRTHDAY?

AN A-WHAT-EE?
ATARI.

THAT'S ONE
WHAT THE HECK
IS THAT?

OF THOSE
EXPENSIVE VIDEO GAMES,
ISN'T IT?

NO, NO,
IT'S NOT EXPENSIVE.

YEAH, WELL,
WHATEVER IT COSTS,
IT'S A WASTE OF MONEY.

AND TIME.

YOU KNOW,
THE WELFARE ROLLS

ARE FULL
OF VIDEO GAME PLAYERS.

NO, THEY'RE NOT.

WELL, THEY'RE GONNA BE.
TRUST ME.

BUT DR. SCHWEIBER
TOLD NEAL

HE WAS GONNA GET HIM
AN ATARI FOR HIS BIRTHDAY.

OH, I ASKED FOR IT.

THAT DOESN'T MEAN
I'M GONNA GET IT.

Lindsay:
I'M OUT OF HERE.

WH

OA, WAIT A MINUTE,
THERE.

WHERE ARE YOU GOING?

I'M GOING
TO THE LIBRARY.

I HAVE TO DO
SOME RESEARCH FOR
THIS HISTORY PAPER.

IT'S ON
THE PANAMA CANAL.

WELL, COULD YOU FINISH
YOUR DINNER FIRST, PLEASE?

SEE YA.

BYE, LINZE.

DON'T EVEN TRY IT.

HEY, SORRY
I'M SO LATE.

WELL, THANKS TO YOU
WE HAD TO CANCEL OUR
DINNER RESERVATIONS.

CAN YOU EVER
NOT BE SARCASTIC?

I'M SARCASTIC?

ALL RIGHT,
ANDOPOLIS, COME ON.

I'M GETTING
SOME MORE FRIES.

HEY.
HEY.

I THINK
I'M GONNA GO PEE.

SO, LINDSAY,
WHAT IS THE DEAL
WITH YOU TWO?

DO YOU STILL
LIKE NICK?

NO. I'M JUST TRYIN
TO BE FRIENDS AGAIN.

FORGET IT.
YOU'LL NEVER BE FRIENDS.

MAYBE IN,
LIKE, 2 YEARS.

LL

UNTIL NICK GETS
ANOTHER GIRLFRIEND.

AND THEN YOU'RE
JUST GONNA WANT HIM BACK

AND THEN THIS WHOLE THING
IS GONNA START OVER AGAIN.

I'M NOT GONNA
WANT HIM BACK.

ALL RIGHT. YEAH, SURE.

LOOK, JUST DON'T
LEAD HIM ON, OK?

'CAUSE HE'S OBVIOUSLY
STILL IN LOVE WITH YOU.

NO, HE'S NOT.
NICK IS THE ONE

WHO BROKE UP WITH ME,
REMEMBER?

OH, YEAH, LINDSAY,
LIKE THAT FOOLED ANYBODY?

COME ON.

LOOK...

O NICE,YOU KNOW?

HE'S GONNA GET
THE WRONG IDEA.

WELL, WHAT AM I
SUPPOSED TO BE, MEAN?

NO, DON'T BE MEAN.

JUST BE A BITCH.

I DON'T KNOW--

LOOK, THIS IS
FOR HIS OWN GOOD.

BELIEVE ME, IF HE KNEW
WHAT YOU WERE DOING,
HE'D THANK YOU.

I CAN'T HELP IT,
MAN, I'M JUST--

I'M SO IN LOVE
WITH HER.

RIGHT. NO KIDDING.

LOOK, YOU GOTTA STOP
BEING SO NICE TO HER,
ALL RIGHT?

THAT'S HOW YOU BLEW IT
THE FIRST TIME.

OH, LIKE YOU'RE
THE EXPERT,
OR SOMETHING?

YOU AND KIM
FIGHT ALL THE TIME.

YEAH, BUT CHECK
MY NEW STRATEGY.

SEE, SHE CAN FLAP HER LIPS
ALL SHE WANTS,

I AIN'T FIGHTING BACK.

SOONER OR LATER,
SHE RUNS OUT OF GAS.

THAT IS
A BRILLIANT PLAN.

ONLY TOOK YOU 2 YEARS
TO FIGURE THAT OUT?

IT'S LIKE THE TORTOISE
AND THE HARE, ALL RIGHT?

LITTLE RABBIT
GETS TIRED,

GUESS WHO WINS?

Ken: ARE WE
STILL TALKING ABOUT
THE SAME THING?

NICK, YOU WANT TO GET
LINDSAY BACK,

YOU GOTTA GIVE HER
THE COLD SHOULDER.

I DON'T--
I DON'T KNOW, MAN.

THAT DOESN'T
SEEM RIGHT.

TRUST ME.

DON'T CALL HER HOUSE,

DON'T WRITE HER NOTES,

AND DON'T SING TO HER.

JEEZ, MAN,
WEDON'T WANT TO BE
FRIENDS WITH YOU

AFTER HEARING
ABOUT THAT ONE.

YEAH, NICK.
WE NEED OUR SPACE.

HEY, NEAL,
YOUR MOM'S HERE.

SO, HOW WAS
YOUR TENNIS GAME?

OH, GOD, DON'T ASK.

MY SERVE WAS
IN THE CRAPPER.

I'M TELLING YOU,
I'M GETTING
TOO OLD FOR THIS.

EVERY TIME
I SWING THAT RACKET,
EVERYTHING JIGGLES.

I'D SPEND MORE TIME
ON THE COURT

BUT I'VE GOT
A FULL-TIME JOB.

OH, REALLY?

YEAH. BEING NEAL'S
CHAUFFEUR.

OH.

THE ONLY THINGSIS T
I'M MISSING

HE LITTLE HAT
AND THE MINI-BAR

IN THE BACK
OF THE BUICK.

[LAUGHS]
I KNOW THAT FEELING.

HELLO, BABY ANGEL.

BABY ANGEL.

SHH, SHH, SHH.

THANK YOU AGAIN
FOR LETTING NEAL
STAY FOR DINNER.

HE IS WELCOME
ANY TIME.

ALL RIGHT,
WELL, CIAO.

BYE.

CIAO. HA HA!

HEY, AMY.

HEY, LINDSAY.

NICE THREADS.

[DEEP VOICE]
NICE VOICE.

[KIM LAUGHS]

HEY, SGT. PEPPER,

WHERE'S THE REST OF
THE LONELY HEARTS CLUB BAND?

WELL, LOOKS LIKE
YOU ATE 'EM.

Kim: OHH.
Nick:
OH, NICE.

YEAH, KEN, WHEN ARE
THE TWINS DUE?

THAT'S NOT NICE.

LINDSAY,
IS THIS BONEHEAD
A FRIEND OF YOURS?

NO, HE'S JUST
A PAIN IN MY ASS.

[KIM LAUGHS]

OH, IT'S ALL RIGHT.

SEE YOU LATER,
ELVIS.

GOOD LUCK WITH
THOSE MUTTONCHOPS.

[KIM LAUGHS]

LOOK AT THIS.

[INDISTINCT]

I SEE YOU'RE ADMIRING
OUR NEW MICROWAVES.

OH, NO, WE'RE JUST
BROWSING, THANK YOU.

WOULD YOU LIKE TO
SEE A DEMONSTRATION?

SEE A DEMONSTRATION?

ONLY TAKE A MINUTE.
LITERALLY.

I DON'T KNOW.
MY HUSBAND SAYS

ANYTHING COOKED THAT FAST
CAN'T BE GOOD FOR YOU.

WELL, YOU KNOW WHAT?
I'LL BET HE WOULDN'T
SAY THAT

IF HE WAS THE ONE
DOING THE COOKING,
RIGHT?

HA HA. MOO.

JUST KIDDING.

FROZEN SOLID.
NOW WATCH THIS.

THINK OF ALL THE FREE TIME
YOU'LL HAVE TO PLAY TENNIS.

MOM, I'M GONNA
LOOK AT THE ATARIS, OK?

OK, SWEETIE.

WOW.

YOUR BOY
LIKE HOT DOGS?

YEAH.

30 SECONDS.

OH, MY GOSH,
YOU'RE KIDDING ME.

DR. SCHWEIBER?

HEY, SAM I AM.

WHAT ARE YOU
DOING HERE?

UM, LOOKING AT MICROWAVES
WITH MY MOM.

OH, YEAH?

[CAPTAIN KIRK VOICE]
WELL, SCOTTY,

I HOPE YOU'RE
NOT PLANNING

TO COOK A TRIBBLE,

BECAUSE I BELIEVE
THEY'RE BETTER
BARBECUED.

[WOMAN LAUGHS]

I'M SORRY,
WHERE ARE MY MANNERS?

SAM, THIS IS, UH,
AN OLD HIGH SCHOOL
FRIEND OF MINE.

UH, FROM HIGH SCHOOL.

ANYWAY, KIND OF LIKE
YOU AND NEAL
ARE--ARE NOW,

AND, UH, CAROL,
THIS IS A FRIEND
OF MY SON'S.

OH, VERY NICE
TO MEET YOU, SAM.

YEAH, WE JUST RAN
INTO EACH OTHER,
ISN'T THAT FUNNY?

MM-HMM.

WELL, MILD

LY FUNNY.
IT'S FAIRLY--

NOT ALLY
FUNNY AT ALL.

CAN I HAVE A WORD
WITH YOU IN PRIVATE?

YEAH.

OK, UM, LISTEN,
I, UM,

I'D LIKE IT IF YOU
DON'T TELL NEAL

THAT YOU SAW ME
HERE, OK?

'CAUSE I'M GETTING HIM
AN ATARI AS A SURPRISE.

YOU CAN KEEP A SECRET
FOR GOOD OLD DR. S,
CAN'T YOU?

ALL RIGHT,
GIMME SOME.

DON'T LEAVE ME
HANGIN', NOW.

ANYWAY, CARO
ALL RIGHT.

L, WE'LL
HAVE TO GET CAUGHT UP
ANOTHER TIME.

WHY DON'T YOU COME OVER
AND HAVE DINNER

WITH ME AND MY WIFE
SOMETIME?

OH, THAT
WOULD BE GREAT, YEAH.

AND IT WAS VERY NICE
MEETING YOU, SAM.

GOOD-BYE,
DR. SCHWEIBER.

OH, HEY,
YOU KN WHAT?

THEY'RE DOING
LASER FLOYD

AT LASER DOME
TOMORROW NIGHT.

OH, YEAH,
I HEARD THAT.

IT WAS IN
ALL THE NEWSPAPERS.

OH, AND YOU'RE
TOO GOOD FOR
A LASER SHOW?

MAN, WHY DO I NEED
TO GO TO A LASER SHOW

WHEN I CAN MAKE MY OWN,
IN MY MIND?

YOU GUYS,
IT'S FLOYD.

"IF YOU DON'T
EAT YOUR MEAT,

YOU CAN'T HAVE
ANY PUDDING!"

IT'S FLOYD!
COME ON,

THEY'RE NOT
GONNA DO LASER
FLOYD FOREVER.

ALL RIGHT!
WE'LL GO! SHUT UP!

GO WHERE?

OH, TO, UH,
LASER DOME.

YOU'RE TAKING ME
TO LASER DOME?

YEAH.
BE HAPPY.

ISN'T LASER DOME JUST
A BUNCH OF SQUIGGLY LIGHTS
ON A CEILING?

NO, IT'S NOT
JUST A BUNCH

OF SQUIGGLY LIGHTS
ON A CEILING.

WHAT IS WRONG
WITH YOU PEOPLE?

LASER DOME IS
A METAPHYSICAL
EXPERIENCE.

YEAH, ESPECIALLY
IF YOU HAVE YOUR HAND

UP WENDY FRANKLIN'S SHIRT.

OOH.

SO, DO YOU WANT
TO GO OR NOT?

YEAH.

MAYBE.
I DON'T KNOW.

IS IT JUST ME
OR DID IT GET A LITTLE
CHILLY IN HERE?

I'M GONNA GO GET
SOMETHING TO EAT.

YOU GUYS WANT TO GO
TO STACKEY'S?

MMM.
YEAH.

WATCH HER RUN,
JUST LIKE A LITTLE RABBIT.

I AM THE TORTOISE.

WAS I TOO MEAN?

NO. NO, NO,
NO, NO, NO.

I THINK THAT
WAS PERFECT.

YOU KNOW,
NICK REALLY GOT
THE MESSAGE.

OK, SO WHO'S
WENDY FRANKLIN?

OH, LONG STORY.

LET'S JUST SAY SHE'S
A CHEAP LITTLE SLUT

THAT DANIEL MADE OUT
WITH WHILE WE WERE
BROKEN UP.

BUT IT'S OVER
WITH HER, RIGHT?

LINDSAY, THAT'S
NOT THE POINT.

HE DID IT WITH HER
AT THE LASER DOME.

NOW HE WANTS
TO GO THERE WITH ME?

SO, ARE YOU GOING?

WELL, YEAH.
I MEAN, WHAT ELSE
AM I GONNA DO?

UGH.
THIS IS DISGUSTING.

I CAN'T EAT THIS.

SO, I WAKE UP
THIS MORNING,

AND GUESS WHAT
IS SITTING

ON THE END
OF MY BED?

A TURD?

YES, BILL,
A TURD.

EWW, GROSS.

AN ATARI VIDEO SET.

IS MY DAD THE COOLEST,
OR WHAT?

SO, UH, SHALL WE SAY
ASTEROIDS,

MY PLACE, 3:30?

YEAH, IF THAT'S WHEN
YOU WANT TO GET
YOUR BUTT KICKED.

YEAH, YEAH,
3:30 SOUNDS GREAT.

ALL RIGHT.
IF YOU'LL EXCUSE ME,

I'M OFF TO GET
ANOTHER DELICIOUS
SERVING

OF BEN FRANKLIN
BEANS.

REMIND ME NOT TO SIT
NEXT TO HIM ON THE BUS.

WHAT'S WITH YOU?

OK, BILL,
I HAVE A SECRET,

BUT YOU CAN'T
TELL ANYONE.

YOU SWEAR?
OK.

NO, REALLY,
BILL.

I SAID OK.

OK. LAST NIGHT
I SAW DR. SCHWEIBER
AT THE MALL.

HE SAID HE WAS GONNA
BUY NEAL THE ATARI.

SO?

SO, HE WAS WITH
ANOTHER WOMAN.

HE SAID SHE WAS
AN OLD FRIEND
FROM HIGH SCHOOL,

BUT IT LOOKED WEIRD.

HE WAS HUGGING HER.

WELL, THERE'S A LOT OF
DIFFERENT KINDS OF HUGGING.

I MEAN, WAS HE
PATTING HER ON THE BACK

WHILE HE DID IT,
LIKE GUYS DO?

BILL, I DON'T KNOW.
IT WAS A HUG.

SHOW ME.
DO IT TO ME.

I'M NOT GONNA
HUG YOU.

WHY? I'M QUITE SECURE
WITH MY MANLINESS.

IT'S OK TO HUG
YOUR FRIENDS, SAM.

OK, GET OFF ME,
I T IT, I GET IT.

OK. SEE?

HAVE YOU TOLD NEAL?

NO, AND I'M NOT
GOING TO.

YOU HAVE TO.

NO, BUT HE'LL FREAK.

I KNOW, BUT THERE ARE
NO SECRETS BETWEEN US.

THAT'S OUR CODE,
REMEMBER?

THAT'S EASY FOR YOU
TO SAY.

YOU DON'T HAVE
ANY SECRETS.

REMEMBER THAT TIME
IN SCIENCE CLASS

WHEN I TRIED
TO SNEAK OUT A FART
BUT IT CAME OUT A POOP

AND THEN I HAD TO FLUSH
MY UNDIES DOWN THE TOILET?

DO YOU THINK I WANTED
TO TELL YOU GUYS THAT?

BILL, IT'S NOT
THE SAME THING.

IT IS. IT'S EXACTLY
THE SAME THING.

WE'RE NOT
TELLING HIM.

[PLAYINGWHEN THE SAINTS
GO MARCHING IN]

HEY, WHAT
ARE YOU DOING?

NOTHING.

WHO ARE YOU
LOOKING AT?

OH, I WAS JUST,

YOU KNOW, MAKING FUN
OF THE BAND GEEKS.

OH.
HEH HEH.

BY YOURSELF?

LET ME SEE.
LET ME SEE.

IS THAT WHO
YOU'RE LOOKING AT?

TUBA GIRL?

[LAUGHS]

YOU'RE IN LOVE
WITH TUBA GIRL?

SHUT UP, MAN.
JUST FORGET IT.

HEY, HEY, HEY.

I'M JUST EXCITED.

WE'VE BEEN WAITING
SINCE THE THIRD GRADE

FOR YOU
TO LIKE SOMEBODY.

IT'S GREAT.

YOU THINK
SHE HAS A BOYFRIEND?

NOT EVEN AN EX.
SHE'S A TUBA PLAYER.

SCREW YOU, DANIEL.

HEY, MAN,
I'M JUST JOKING.

I'M JOKING. RELAX.

SHE'S CUTE.

YEAH.

SHE'S FRIENDS
WITH LINDSAY.

YOU WANT ME TO TALK
TO LINDSAY FOR YOU?

YES. THAT'S EXACTLY
WHAT I WANT YOU TO DO.

I'LL DO IT.

HEY, YOU KNOW,

IF YOU TEL
ANYONE ABOUT THIS,

YOU'RE A DEAD MAN.

HEY.

SEE YOU LATER, STUD.

Bill: DAMN.
DAMN, YOU SHOULD
HIT HYPERSPACE.

HYPERSPACE,SHUT
HYPERSPACE!

UP, SHUT UP,
I'M DOING IT!

OH.

ARGH!
OHH.

MAYBE YOU SHOULDT
HAVE HIT HYPERSPACE.

MY TURN.

I GOT GO
TO THE BATHROOM.

OH, HEY,
DON'T FORGET

TO LIFT THE SEAT
THIS TIME

OR MY MOM
WILL KILL YOU.

YOU REMEMBER
WHEN WE SAID WE'D TELL
EACH OTHER EVERYTHING?

YEAH.

DID YOU MEAN IT?

OF COURSE.

EVEN IF IT'S SOMETHING
REALLY, REALLY HORRIBLE?

I MEAN, IT MIGHT NOT
BE HORRIBLE, 'CAUSE
IT MIGHT NOT BE TRUE.

BUT IF IT IS TRUE,
IT COULD BE PRETTY HORRIBLE.

OK, BILL,
YOU'RE KILLING ME.

YOU GOTTA
TELL ME NOW.

OK, BU

T YOU MIGHT NOT
WANT TO KNOW,

'CAUSE IT'S
PRETTY HORRIBLE.

BILL, YOU DIDN'T
TELL HIM, DID YOU?

WAIT A SECOND,
SAM KNOWS?

THAT'S NOT FAIR.

OK, IF YOU GUYS
BOTH KNOW,
I GOTTA KNOW.

SAM SAW YOUR DAD
HUGGING A LADY
AT THE MALL LAST NIGHT.

WHAT?

SHOW HIM.

ALL RIGHT.

NO, THAT'S
POSSIBLE.

MY DAD WAS
AT THE OFFICE
LAST NIGHT

PERFORMING
ROOT CANAL
SURGERY.

SO, THAT WASN'T
MY DAD.

IT WAS YOUR DAD.

I TALKED TO HIM.

YOU'RE LYING.

NO, YOU'RE
JUST JEALOUS

BECAUSMY DAD
IS COOLER
THAN YOURS.

I'M NOT JEALOUS!

NEAL.

WE JUST THOUGHT
YOU SHOULD KNOW

'CAUSE WE TELLACH OTHER
EVERYTHING, REMEMBER?

OH, SHUT UP,
BILL.

YOU DON'T EVEN
HAVE A D.

I DO TOO!
I TALKED TO HIM
3 MONTHS AGO.

[DOOR OPENS]

HEY, GUYS.
HOW'S THE GAME?

DO I GET TO FLY ONE OF
THOSE ROCKET SHIPS?

I NEED
TO GO HOME.

I GOTTA GO, TOO.

WAIT A SECOND.

HEY, GUYS,
I'M SO LONELY.

Sam: WE HAVE TO GO.

CAN'T YOU
HANG AROUND?

WE COULD HAVE,
LIKE, A LITTLE
ASTEROIDS CONTEST,

OR, UH, BENNY HILL.

ALWAYS GOOD
FOR A...

HEY.

HEY.

STILL
LEAKING OIL?

YES, IT IS,
AS A MATTER
OF FACT.

CHINESE
OR PIZZA?
I'M FAMISHED.

YES, SURE.
YOU PICK, MY LOVE.

[KIM CLEARS THROAT]

IF YOU HAD
A BOYFRIEND

WHO HUMPED

A SLUT LIKE
WENDY FRANKLIN

IN A CERTAIN
PLACE--

LET'S JUST SAY
THE LASER DOME--

WOULD YOU
REALLY WANT TO
HANG OUT THERE?

SHE'S GOT
A POINT.

WOULDN'T YOU
BE A LITTLE
WIGGED OUT

BY THE IDEA THAT
YOUR BOYFRIEND

DID THINGS
WITH THIS SLUT

IN THE VERY
SAME SEAT

YOU COULD BE
SITTING IN?

CAN I GO
TO THE BATHROOM?

HEY.

I REGRET IT.

YOU'RE SO FULL
OF CRAP, DANIEL.

WHAT IF I'M NOT?

WELL, ARE YOU?

I DON'T THINK SO.

YES, THANK YOU SO MUCH.
THAT'S--THAT'S GREAT.

[DOOR OPENS]

ALL RIGHT, THANKS.

SAM, IS THAT YOU?

HEY, HOLD IT
RIGHT THERE, MISTER.

NOW, YOU KNOW
I DON'T MIND

IF YOU DON'T COME HOME
RIGHT AWAY AFTER SCHOOL,

BUT YOU HAVE TO CALL ME
AND LET ME KNOW
WHERE YOU ARE.

SORRY, I WAS AT NEAL'S HOUSE
PLAYING THE ATARI.

I GUESS WE LOST
TRACK OF TIME.

THEY GOT HIM
THAT TV GAME?

I THOUGHT THEY
WERE WAITING
FOR HIS BIRTHDAY.

UM, I HAVE
TO DO MY HOMEWORK.

OK, DINNER WILL BE READY
IN ABOUT AN HOUR.

OH, AND YOU HAVE TO GET
TO BED EARLY TONIGHT.

YOU HAVE A DENTAL
APPOINTMENT AT 7:00
TOMORROW MORNING.

WHAT?!

YEAH, DR. SCHWEIBER
JUST CALLED.

HE SAID HE COULD
FIT YOU IN EARLY FOR
YOUR 6-MONTH CHECK-UP.

SAM, DID YOU TAKE
MY PINK FLOYD ALBUM?

NO.

WHAT'S THE MATTER?

WHY DO PEOPLE
HAVE AFFAIRS?

MAYBE THEY MEET SOMEONE
THAT THEY LIKE BETTER.

WELL, DO YOU THINK
DR. SCHWEIBER WOULD
HA AN AFFAIR?

I NEVER
OUGHT ABOUT IT.

DO YOU THINK
DAD WOULD HAVE
AN AFFAIR?

DAD?

SOMEBODY
CALL ME?

[LAUGHING]

WHAT'S SO FUNNY?

FINISH
YOUR HOMEWORK.

HAVE A SEAT.

DR. SCHWEIBER WILL BE
WITH YOU IN A MINUTE.

[HUMMING]

HELLO, SAM.

HEY.
HEY.

OPEN, PLEASE.

A LITTLE WIDER.

THANK YOU.

[HUMMING]

TONGUE, PLEASE.

NO, BACK. BACK.
BAD TONGUE.

YOU KNOW WHAT?

I THINK THAT YOU AND ME
NEED TO TALK.

WHAT ABOUT?

WELL, FOR STARTERS,
YOU WERE ACTING

A LITTLE DIFFERENTLY
WHEN I SAW YOU YESTERDAY.

OPEN, PLEASE.

AND, I TELL YOU,
I WAS A LITTLE BIT HURT.

I--I JUST
DIDN'T FEEL WELL.

WELL, YOU KNOW
WHAT I THINK?

I THINK THAT
YOU MAY HAVE THOUGHT

YOU SAW SOMETHING
THAT YOU DIDN'T SEE
THE OTHER NIGHT.

I DIDN'T SEE
ANYTHING.

SPIT.

AND, UH, YOU DIDN'T
SAY ANYTHING TO NEAL

OR TO ANYBODY ELSE ABOUT
MEETING MY FRIEND, HMM?

NO.
GOOD.

SOME PEOPLE
LOVE NOTHING MORE

THAN GOSSIPING
ABOUT...

ABOUT SEEING SOMEONE
SPENDING TIME

WITH ANOTHER WOMAN
WHO ISN'T THEIR WIFE.

WELL, YOU CAN REST ASSURED

THAT NOTHING HAPPENED
BETWEEN ME AND MY FRIEND.

YOU DO BELIEVE ME,
DON'T YOU?

I BELIEVE YOU.

YOU KNOW, WHEN I WAS YOUNGER,
I DIDN'T HAVE MANY DATES.

MET MRS. SCHWEIBER
BACK IN COLLEGE

AND, YOU KNOW,
SHE'S A WONDERFUL WOMAN

AND SHE KEEPS
A BEAUTIFUL HOME.

IT'S JUST THAT
WHEN YOU GET OLDER,
YOU GET BORED.

YOU KNOW?

NO, NOT REALLY.

IT'S JUST--
IT GETS SO HARD, SAM.

I FEEL THAT THERE'S
SOMETHING MISSING IN MY LIFE

AND I THINK
I DESERVE THE CHANCE

TO FIND OUT
WHAT THAT SOMETHING IS.

DON'T YOU?

I--I DON'T KNOW.

YEAH.

I PROMISE YOU,
THINGS WILL BE BACK
TO NORMAL PRETTY SOON.

ALL I NEED IS TIME.

IN THE MEANTIME, UM,

I CAN COUNT ON YOU AND ME
KEEPING THIS JUST BETWEEN US?

SURE.

OK.

WELL, W
THE BAD NEWS, BUD.

YOU GOT A CAVITY.

NO, HE WASN'T
ON THE BUS THIS MORNING.

MAN, I FEEL REALLY BAD,
YOU KNOW?

YEAH, SO DO I.
I KNEW WE SHOULDN'T
HAVE TOLD HIM.

HEY.

HEY.

SO, ARE YOU
STILL MAD AT US?

NO.

I'M ACTUALLY GLAD
YOU GUYS TOLD ME.

I WAS WRONG
ABOUT YOUR DAD.

HE CLEANED
MY TEETH
THIS MORNING.

I'M SURE NOTHING
HAPPENED.

WELL, I DON'T KNOW.

AFTER WHAT
YOU GUYS SAID,

I WENT THROUGH
SOME OF HIS STUFF...

AND I FOUND THIS.

YEAH? SO WHAT?

THIS CLICKER ISN'T
FOR OUR GARAGE DOOR.

I TESTED IT.
WHY WOULD HE HAVE IT?

WELL, MAYBE IT
BELONGS TO JUST
A FRIEND OF HIS

WHO LEFT IT THERE.

YEAH, A FEMALE FRIEND.

I SAW THIS
DONAHUEONCE

ABOUT HUSBANDS
THAT CHEAT.

YOU CAN'T DO IT
AT HOME, RIGHT?

SO THEY ALL HAD
SECRET LOVE NESTS.

MAYBE YOUR DAD HAS
A SECRET LOVE NEST.

THERE'S ONLY ONE WAY
TO FIND OUT.

HEY, KEN.

OH. LINDSAY.

LOOK, I WAS TALKING
TO DANIEL--

AND HE SAID
THAT I WANTED
TO NAIL AMY

AND YOU'RE HERE
TO TELL ME THAT
IT'LL NEVER HAPPEN.

NO. HE DIDN'T SA

NO. HE DIDN'T SAYYOU WANTED TO NAIL HER.

HE WANTED ME TO ASK HER
IF SHEANTED TO GO
TO LASER DOME TONIGHT.

OH.

SO, DO YOU WANT ME
TO DO IT?

'CAUSE I WANT
TO MAKE SURE

THAT YOU WANT ME TO DO IT
BEFORE I DO IT.

I WANT YOU
TO DO IT.

ARE YOU GONNA
BE NICE TO HER?

'CAUSE I'M NOT GONNA DO IT
IF YOU'RE GONNA BE A JERK.

OF COURSE I'LL BE
NICE TO HER.

I'LL BE AN ANGEL.

FORGET IT.

LINDSAY.

I'M SERIOUS.

OK.

DO YOU THINK THAT
THERE'S ANY CHANCE

THAT THIS
MAY ACTUALLY HAPPEN?

OH, MY GOD.

WHAT?

YOU REALLY LIKE HER,
DON'T YOU?

I FEEL ODD.

SO, I TOLD MY MOM
I WAS EATING
AT YOUR HOUSE,

AND BILL TOLD HIS MOM
HE WAS EATING AT MY HOUSE,

SO THAT SHOULD GIVE US
SOME TIME.

WHEN ARE WE REALLY
GONNA EAT? I'M HUNGRY.

DO YOU THINK WE'RE GONNA
FIND THIS HOUSE?

WELL, WE'LL NEVER KNOW
IF WE DON'T TRY.

WELL, WHAT ARE YOU
GONNA DO IF WE FIND HER?

I'M GONNA SAY,
HEY, LADY,

YOU WANT TO MESS WITH
THE SCHWEIBER FAMILY?

IS THAT WHAT YOU WANT?
OK--BOOM!

Bill: HEAD BUTT!

HEY-
SORRY.

AMY!

OH, HEY, LINDSAY.
WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?

I JUST CAME TO SAY HI.

THAT WAS REALLY GREAT.

MAKES ME WISH
I PLAYED AN INSTRUMENT.

YEAH, YOU SHOULD
JOIN BAND.

WELL, I'M KIND OF TAKING
A BREAK FROM ACTIVITIES.

I QUIT THE MATHLETES.
TWICE.

YEAH,
MILLIE TOLD ME.

SO, ANYWAY, UM,

I KNOW THIS
IS KIND OF
OUT OF THE BLUE,

BUT I KNOW
THIS GUY--KEN.

HE'S GOT
A CRUSH ON YOU.

DO I KNOW HIM?

WELL,
YOU KIND OF MET HIM
THE OTHER NIGHT.

WAS HE THE GUY
WHO WAS MAKING FUN OF ME?

YEAH, HE'S A TOTAL
WISE-ASS,

BUT THAT'S HOW HE SHOWS
THAT HE LIKES YOU.

IT'S JUST THIS WEIRD
SENSE OF HUMOR,
I DON'T KNOW.

SO, IF YOU'RE NOT
DOING ANYTHING,

WE WERE GONNA GO
TO LASER DOME TONIGHT.

WHY?
LASER DOME SUCKS.

YEAH, THAT'S WHAT
I THOUGHT YOU'D SAY.

I TOTALLY
UNDERSTAND.

BUT I'LL GO.

REALLY?

YEAH, I MEAN,
WHY NOT?

KEN'S CUTE,
DON'T YOU THINK?

UH-HUH.

I LOVE THOSE
FUNKY SIDEBURNS.

DON'T YOU JUST
WANT TO REACH OUT
AND TOUCH THEM?

HEH. DO I.

LET THE GOOD TIMES ROLL

LET THEM
KNOCK YOU AROUND

LET THE GOOD TIMES ROLL

LET THEM MAKE YOU
A CLOWN

LET THEM LEAD YOU
UP IN THE AIR

LET THERUSH,
YOU ROCK 'N' ROLL

LET THE GOOD TIMES ROLL

LET THE GOOD TIMES ROLL

LET THE GOOD TIMES ROLL

TELL YOU ONE THING.
WHEN I GET MARRIED,

I'M NEVER GONNA
CHEAT ON MY WIFE.

EVEN IF SHE GETS
OLD AND FAT.

YEAH.

I'D BE HAP

PY
JUST TOGETA WIFE.

BUT I DON'T THINK
I WANT THE KIND

THAT'S GONNA GET
OLD AND FAT.

I DON'T EVEN KNOW HOW
YOU EVEN GETONEGIRL.

HOW DOES ANYONE GET TWO?

Bill: YOU KNOW WHAT
WOULD BE COOL, GUYS?

TO FIND A GIRL IN A BOTTLE,

LIKE--LIKE
I DREAM OF JEANNIE.

I'D LIKE TO MAKE OUT WITH HER
ON THAT LITTLE COUCH.

YEAH. CINDY WOULD LOOK GOOD
IN THOSE PUFFY PANTS.

YOU THINK YOUR DAD'S
EVER CHEATED
ON YOUR MOM?

NO, NO, I DON'T THINK SO.
MY DAD'S A LITTLE TOO OLD

TO WANT TO MAKE OUT
WITH ANYONE.

YEAH. I'M STARTIN'
TO WISH MY DAD

WAS AS OLD AS YOURS.

BillHEY, MAYBE YOU'RE
JUST DOIN' IT WRONG.

OH. MAN, I ALMOST
HAD A HEART ATTACK.

ELIZ
THE BIG ONE!

ABETH...
I'M COMIN' TO JOIN
YOU, HONEY.

SHOULDN'T WE GO HOME?

I DON'T THINK
THIS IS WORKING.

WE JUST STARTED!

Bill: YEAH, RIGHT...
3 HOURS AGO.

[ROCK MUSIC PLAYING]

BOY, THIS
IS EXCITING.

I COULD'VE SEEN
THIS OUTSIDE
FOR FREE.

YOUARESEEING IT
FOR FREE.

I PAID FOR YOUR TICKET.

YEAH, A WHOL

E $2.00.
HOW YOU GONNA LIVE
WITHOUT IT?

[CHUCKLES]

HEY, UH...CAN I--
CAN I BUY YOU A POP?

NO, THANKS.

HOW ABOUT A LEMONADE?

NO. THAT'S OK.

CHOCOLATE MILK SHAKE?

I'M REALLY NOT THIRSTY.
BUT THANKS.

OK, YEAH, NO PROBLEM.

IT'S, UH...YEAH.
SORRY.

HEY. ARE YOU HUNGRY?

ACTUALLY, I COULD
GO FOR A HOT DOG.

OH, YEAH?
YEAH. YOU WANT ONE?
IT'S ON ME.

SURE. YEAH.

THANKS.

WOW. THIS SONG
REALLY ROCKS.

YEAH. NEXT TIME,
YOU SHOULD BRING
YOUR TUBA AND...JAM.

[FRENETIC MUSIC PLAYS]

SHE SEEMED TO LIKE ME,
RIGHT?

YEAH.

SEE THE SHOW

[DRUM SECTION PLAYS]

MAN. I HAVEN'T
BEEN HERE SINCE,
LIKE...FIFTH GRADE.

BOY, YOU MUST'VE
BEEN REALLY CUTE
IN FIFTH GRADE...

WITH YOUR LITTLE
BLOND PIGTAILS.

[CHUCKLES]

OHHH...

SEE?

NOW I'VE ALREADY
GOT A CRICK IN MY NECK.

OH. WELL, WHY DON'T YOU
LEAN THE SEAT BACK?

IT GOES BACK, SILLY.

OH.

LEAN YOUR HEAD BACK.

THERE.
IS THAT BETTER?

MM-HMM.

GOOD.

DID YOU LEAN
YOUR HEAD BACK
WITH THAT SLUT?

HEY, LOOK. ISN'T THAT
THE BIG DIPPER?

GOD! WHATISIT
WITH YOU?

YOU'RE ACTING
SO WEIRD!

AM I?

OHH! YOU'RE
DRIVING ME INSANE.

EXCUSE ME!

HEY, COME HERE.

DON'T TOUCH.

DON'T TALK TO HER.

NO SINGING

RIGHT.

THANKS.

[MUSIC CRESCENDOES]

[SHOUTING AND APPLAUSE]

FLOYD RULES!

COMFORTABLY NUMB!

YEAH!

[VIOLIN PLAYS JIG]

WHAT THE HELL'S GOIN' ON?
WHAT HAPPENED TO FLOYD?

THAT'S NEXT WEEK,
MAN.

TONIGHT'S
SOUTHERN ROCK NIGHT.

YEE-HAW!

THE DEVIL WENT DOWN
TO GEORGIA

HE WAS LOOKIN'
FOR A SOUL TO STEAL

HE WAS IN A BIND
'CAUSE HE WAS WAY BEHIND

HE WAS WILLIN'
TO MAKE A DEAL

WHEN HE CAME ACROSS THIS
YOUNG MAN SAWIN' ON A FIDDLE

AND PLAYIN' IT HOT

AND THE DEVIL JUMPED UP
ON A HICKORY STUMP

AND SAID,
"BOY, LET ME TELL YOU WHAT"

"I GUESS
YOU DIDN'T KNOW IT

"BUT I'M
A FIDDLE PLAYER, TOO"

[CHUCKLES]
I DON'T KNOW.

IT HAPPENED.
IT'S LIKE BEING
IN THE TWILIGHT ZONE.

"BUT GIVE
THE DEVIL HIS DUE"

"I BET A FIDDLE OF GO
AGAINST YOUR SOUL"

"'CAUSE I THINK
I'M BETTER'N YOU"

BEEN TO A MILLION
HOUSES, NEAL.

HOW--HOW MANY MORE
ARE WE GONNA DO,
ANYWAY?

AS MANY
AS IT TAKES.

I DON'T THINK
WE'LL FIND IT.

THEN GO HOME.

IT COULD BE WAY
ON THE OTHER SIDE OF TOWN.

THEN WE'LL
FIND IT THERE.

RIGHT NOW WE'RE
LOOKIN' HERE.

HEY.

NEAL!

I GOTTA GO HOME.

MY PARENTS ARE
GONNA BE WORRIED.

Bill:
YEAH, ME, TOO.

MY MOM DOESN'T LIKE
TO WATCHDALLASALONE.

I CAN'T BELIEVE IT.

I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU GUYS
ARE GONNA BAIL ON ME!

WE CAN LOOK TOMORROW.
I PROMISE.

BUT IF I DON'T GO NOW,
I'M GONNA BE IN S--

WELL, I'M LOOKIN' NOW.

IF THIS WASYO
YOUR DAD,

U WOULDN'T BE IN SUCH
A HURRY TO GET HOME.

I'D BE THERE FOR

[SIGHS]

NEAL!

NEAL!

HEY.

OH. HEY.

HOW'S IT GOIN'?

GOOD...I THINK.

YOU KISS HER YET?

LAY OFF, MAN.

ALL RIGHT.
BUT IF YOU'RE WAITING

FOR HER
TO JUMPYOURBONES,

YOU MIGHT ASELL
FORGET IT.

I'M NOT. OK?

ALL RIGHT.

WHY?

'CAUSE SHE'S
A BAND CHICK, MAN.

YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO
MAKE THE FIRST MOVE.

LIKE, SHOULD I
JUST SAY, YOU KNOW
YEAH. THAT'S PERFECT.

YEAH?
WHAT ARE YOU,
A FREAKING 'MO?

NO!

LOOK. IT'S EASY.

JUST STARE AT HER.
RIGHT? DON'T LOOK AWAY.

KEEP STARIN' AT HER.

SOONERR LATER,
YOU'LL HAVE TO KISS...

'CAUSE THERE'S
NOIN' ELSE TO DO.

GOT IT?

YEAH.

HERE SHE COMES.

[WHISPERS]
Do it.

THANKS.

I THINK I COULD
STAY WITH YOU

FOR A WHILE,
MAYBE LONGER

MUCH LONGER IF I KNEW

HEY, W, BABY

WHAT YOU WANNA DO?

I THINK I COULD...

SORRY
ABOUT THE MUSIC.

YEAH. HA HA.
IT'S NOT THAT BAD.

HA HA HA! YEAH.

HEY, NICK.

YEAH?

I...KNOW I'VE BEEN
ACTING LIKE A BITCH.

I JUST...
DIDN'T WANT TO...

LEAD YOU ON,
AND I KNOW IT'S
SO STUPID, BUT...

[NICK EXHALES LOUDLY]

I THOUGHT THAT YOU
MIGHT STILL LIKE ME.

WOW.

YOU'RE REALLY
CONCEITED.

[CHUCKLES]

[WESTERN NUMBER ENDS]

[SLOW, MOODY NUMBER BEGINS]

WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

NOTHIN'.

WHY ARE YOU
STARING AT ME?

AM I--AM I
STARIN' AT YOU?

YEAH.

WHAT'S THE DEAL?

I WANT TO KISS YOU.

UM...

OK.

WHAT?

IF I LEAVE HERE
TOMORROW

WHAT?

WOULD YOU STILL
REMEMBER ME?

WELL, I MUST BE
TRAVELIN' ON NOW

WELL. IT'S ABOUT TIME
YOU GOT HOME, YOUNG MAN.

YOUR MOTHER AND I HAVE
SOMETHING TO TELL YOU.

WHAT?

THAT MAYBE
SOMETIMES IT'S OK

TO SPEND A LITTLE
EXTRA MONEY

ON SUCH A GOOD KID.

YEAH. MAYBE YOU CAN
TEACH ME ABOUT THOSE
SPACE INVADERS. HUH?

OH...

[SOBBING] DAD.

BOY. MUST'VE REALLY
WANTED THAT GAME, HUH?

[LOUD ROCK PLAYS]

I'D BE LYIN'
IF I DIDN'T SAY
THIS IS PAINFUL.

BYE-BYE, BABY,
MY SWEET LOVE, YEAH

YOU'RE JUST SWEET,
AND I CAN'T CHANGE

PLEASE DON'T TAKE IT
SO BADLY...

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