Freaks and Geeks (1999–2000): Season 1, Episode 1 - Pilot - full transcript
A group of high school students in 1980 face various social struggles. Wealthy "brain" Lindsay wants to rebel. Her geeky freshman brother Sam and his two friends are targeted by a bully.
Coach: COME ON, LADIES!
LET'S SEE SOME HUSTLE.
LET'S SEE SOME HUSTLE.
UH, EXCUSE ME.
IS OUR LITTLE PRACTICE
BOTHERING YOU?
GET ON THE FIELD!
[WHISTLE BLOWS]
ALL RIGHT,
LET'S WORK!
LET'S SCRIMMAGE.
COME ON!
YOU SEEM SO DISTANT
THESE DAYS, BRETT.
IS THERE SOMETHING
I DID?
'CAUSE IF THERE IS,
I WANT YOU
TO TELL ME.
ASHLEY, IT'S JUST--
I'M READY
TO WORK THROUGH
WHATEVER IT IS
THAT WE NEED
TO WORK THROUGH.
BUT WE NEED
TO COMMUNICATE.
I NEED YOU
TO TALK TO ME.
ASHLEY, IT'S JUST THAT
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH...
IT SCARES ME.
IT SCARES ME.
IT SCARES ME.
OH, MAN, YOU WANNA
HEAR SOMETHING
WAY MESSED UP?
YOU KNOW
THAT MOLLY HATCHETT SHIRT
I WAS WEARING
THE OTHER DAY?
YOU KNOW, THE ONE
WITH THE EXECUTIONER GUY
HOLDING THAT BLOODY AX,
AND UNDER HIS FOOT'S
THE SEVERED HEAD.
YEAH.
YEAH.
THAT'S MY SHIRT.
YEAH, SO...
MY MOM, SHE MAKES US GO
TO CHURCH EVERY WEEK,
AND WE GOTTA DRESS UP.
AND SO I GET THERE,
AND THE STUPID PRIEST
SAYS I CAN'T COME IN.
YOU CAN'T WEAR
STUFF LIKE THAT
AT CHURCH, MAN.
WHY NOT, MAN?
IT'S CHURCH.
THEY'RE SUPPOSED TO
FORGIVE PEOPLE THERE.
SO YOU HATE MY SHIRT.
FORGIVE ME--
LET ME COME IN.
HEY, I BELIEVE
IN GOD, MAN.
I'VE SEEN HIM.
I'VE FELT HIS POWER.
HE PLAYS DRUMS
FOR LED ZEPPELIN,
AND HIS NAME IS
JOHN BONHAM, BABY!
OH, YEAH!
OH, YEAH!
[KENNY LOGGINS'
I'M ALRIGHTPLAYS]
NAH, NAH, NAH.
HERE WE GO,
HERE WE GO.
[IMITATING
BILL MURRAY]
HEY, LISA!
HERE'S
THOSE NOOGIES
YOU ORDERED.
IT'S A REAL
CINDERELLA STORY.
EH, FORMER GREENS KEEPER.
OH! HE GOT ALL
OF THAT ONE!
IT'S IN THE HOLE!
IT'S IN THE HOLE!
Older kid: SAM WEIR.
Older kid: SAM WEIR.
YOU REALLY LIKE
BILL MURRAY, DON'T YOU?
YEAH. HE'S GREAT.
BILL MURRAY SUCKS, MAN.
NO, HE DOESN'T.
HE'S COOL.
OH, REALLY?
WHAT IS HE,
YOUR BOYFRIEND?
SAM QUEER.
IT'S FIGHTIN' TIME,
WEIRD.
LEAVE ME ALONE, ALAN.
I'M SORRY.
I DON'T SPEAK GEEK.
I ALWAYS WANTED TO KNOW
WHAT IT'D BE LIKE
TO FIGHT A GIRL.
Girl: I'M A GIRL.
WANNA SEE WHAT
IT'D BE LIKE
TO FIGHT ME?
UH.
WEIR'S SISTER
HAS TO PROTECT HIM?
I'M NOT PROTECTING HIM.
JUST TRYING TO FIGURE OUT
WHY IT IS YOU NEED
TO PICK FIGHTS
WITH GUYS WHO WEIGH LESS
THAN A HUNDRED POUNDS.
WATCH OUT, ALAN.
I THINK SHE'S
HIGH ON POT.
YEAH. I MIGHT JUST
GO PSYCHO ON YOU.
YOU WANNA TRY ME?
YOU WANNA TRY ME?
YOU'RE DEAD,
ALL RIGHT?
AS SOON AS
YOUR FREAK SISTER
ISN'T AROUND,
I'M GONNA
CREAM YOU, MAN.
I'M GONNA
CREAM YOU, MAN.
YOU KNOW, YOU REALLY
DIDN'T NEED TO DO THAT.
I COULD'VE
HANDLED IT.
YEAH, I KNOW.
AND BY THE WAY,
I WEIGH
103 POUNDS.
I WEIGH
103 POUNDS.
SORRY.
SORRY.
MAN, I HATE HIGH SCHOOL.
MAN, I HATE HIGH SCHOOL.
dd I DON'T GIVE A DAMN
'BOUT MY REPUTATION dd
dd I DON'T GIVE A DAMN
'BOUT MY REPUTATION dd
dd LIVIN' IN THE PAST,
IT'S A NEW GENERATION dd
dd LIVIN' IN THE PAST,
IT'S A NEW GENERATION dd
dd GO AND DO
WHAT YOU WANT TO DO dd
dd AND THAT'S WHAT
I'M GONNA DO dd
dd AND I DON'T GIVE A DAMN
'BOUT MY BAD REPUTATION dd
dd AND I DON'T GIVE A DAMN
'BOUT MY BAD REPUTATION dd
dd OH, NO, NO, NO,
NO, NO, NO, NO dd
dd NOT ME dd
dd WHAH! NO! dd
dd NO, NO, NO, NO,
NO, NO, NO dd
dd NOT ME dd
dd ME, ME, ME, ME dd
dd I DON'T GIVE A DAMN
'BOUT MY REPUTATION dd
dd I DON'T GIVE A DAMN
'BOUT MY REPUTATION dd
dd I'VE NEVER BEEN AFRAID
OF ANY DEVIATION dd
dd I'VE NEVER BEEN AFRAID
OF ANY DEVIATION dd
dd AND I DON'T REALLY CARE
IF YOU THINK I'M STRANGE dd
dd I AIN'T GONNA CHANGE dd
dd AND I'VE NEVER GONNA CARE
'BOUT MY BAD REPUTATION dd
dd AND I'VE NEVER GONNA CARE
'BOUT MY BAD REPUTATION dd
dd NOT ME! dd
dd NOT ME! dd
CAPTIONING MADE POSSIBLE BY
DREAMWORKS TELEVISION, L.L.C.
YOU KNOW, I RAN INTO
MRS. PATTON TODAY
AT FARMER JACK,
AND SHE SAID
SHE SAW YOU SMOKING.
WELL, SHE'S CRAZY.
MOM...I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU.
DO YOU SERIOUSLY THINK
I WOULD START SMOKING?
OK. I...HEH.
Harold Weir:
YOU KNOW, I HAD A FRIEND
THAT USED TO SMOKE.
YOU KNOW WHAT
HE'S DOING NOW?
HE'S DEAD.
YOU THINK SMOKING
MAKES YOU LOOK COOL?
LET'S GO DIG HIM UP NOW
AND SEE HOW COOL HE LOOKS.
DADDY, IF I STARTED SMOKING,
I WOULD TELL YOU.
OH, GOOD. NOW I DON'T
HAVE TO WORRY.
HEY, DAD, GUESS WHAT.
THEY'RE SHOWING MONTY PYTHON
AND THE HOLY GRAIL
AT PARKWAY SATURDAY NIGHT.
NEAL, BILL, AND I ARE GONNA
WATCH IT TWICE IN A ROW.
GREAT.
SAM, ISN'T THE HOMECOMING
DANCE SATURDAY NIGHT?
YEAH.
ARE YOU GOING?
NO. WHY WOULD I DO THAT?
WELL, YOUR SISTER'S GOING.
NO, I'M NOT.
ALL RIGHT, KIDS,
HIGH SCHOOL
IS FOR LEARNING,
BUT IT'S ALSO WHERE YOU
SHOULD BE LEARNING
HOW TO SOCIALIZE.
THAT'S WHAT HIGH SCHOOL
DANCES ARE ALL ABOUT.
NO, THEY'RE NOT.
THEY'RE JUST A CHANCE
FOR THE POPULAR KIDS
TO EXPERIMENT WITH SEX
IN THEIR CARS.
LINDSAY!
HEY!
IF THAT'S WHAT
YOU WANT ME TO DO,
THEN I'D BE
HAPPY TO GO.
YOU KNOW, THERE WAS
A GIRL IN OUR SCHOOL...
SHE HAD PREMARITAL SEX.
YOU KNOW WHAT SHE DID
ON GRADUATION DAY?
DIED...
OF AN OVERDOSE--
HEROIN.
DAD, ARE ANY
OF YOUR FRIENDS ALIVE?
THE SMART ONES.
Jean Weir: I'M SURE
THERE ARE PLENTY OF KIDS
WHO ARE JUST DYING
FOR SOMEONE TO ASK THEM.
MOM, THAT'S THE STUPIDEST
THING I'VE EVER HEARD.
HONEY, IT'S STUPID
UNTIL YOU CONSIDER
HOW HAPPY IT'LL MAKE
SOMEBODY WHO REALLY
WANTS TO GO.
NOBODY I KNOW
WANTS TO GO.
LINDSAY, HONEY.
DAD!
GREAT.
THAT WORKS OUT PERFECT.
I'M HAVING A MIDNIGHT MADNESS
DEER HUNTING SALE THAT NIGHT,
AND YOU CAN COME WAIT ON
ALL THOSE NICE HUNTERS.
THE CHOICE IS YOURS.
THE CHOICE IS YOURS.
THANKS, CARLA.
THANKS, CARLA.
HEY, ELI.
I THINK TOM
NEEDS A HUG.
MY BUDDY.
MY BUDDY.
MY BUDDY.
OK. OK.
OK. OK.
YOU'RE SUCH
A JERK, MAN.
WHAT? ELI LIKES YOU.
CONGRATULATIONS.
[LAUGHTER]
[LAUGHTER]
HEY, MR. K.
MR. SCHWEEBER.
IT'SSCHWEIBER.
IT'SSCHWEIBER.
[IMITATING WILLIAM SHATNER]
AH, MR. BONES, MR. SPOCK.
MAY I JOIN YOU HERE IN
THEENTERPRISEMESS HALL?
I'M SO HUNGRY
I COULD EAT A TRIBBLE.
I--I DON'T GET IT.
WHO'S THAT?
JOHN WAYNE.
OH. OK.
WHY DOES MY MOM ALWAYS
PUT A NOTE IN MY LUNCH?
IT'S SO EMBARRASSING.
AT LEAST YOUR MOM DOESN'T
WRITE THE NOTE ON THE BAG.
AT LEAST YOUR MOM DOESN'T
WRITE THE NOTE ON THE BAG.
ARE YOU GUYS GOING
TO THE HOMECOMING DANCE?
NO.
I REALLY DON'T
SEE THAT HAPPENING.
OH, I'M SORRY.
DID I CRUSH
YOUR TWINKIES?
WHAT DID YOU
DO THAT FOR?
WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DO,
GO CRYING TO YOUR SISTER,
SAM REAR?
NO. NO, I'M NOT.
MR. KOWCHEVSKI.
ALAN SMASHED MY TWINKIES.
OH, MY GOD.
YOU'RE SUCH A WOMAN.
OH, MY GOD.
YOU'RE SUCH A WOMAN.
ALAN, YOU DON'T HAVE
ANYTHING BETTER TO DO
THAN TO CRUSH
MR. WEIR'S DESSERT?
OH, WELL, YOU KNOW,
I WAS JUST BENDING DOWN
TO TALK TO HIM,
AND I ACCIDENTALLY
LEANED ON IT.
I'M SORRY.
WHY DON'T YOU GO DO
THE NICE THING
AND BUY HIM SOME
NEW ONES?
OH, YES, SIR.
THANK YOU,
MR. KOWCHEVSKI.
SAM, YOU WANT
SOME ADVICE?
BE A MAN.
BE A MAN.
YOU SHOULDN'T LET ALAN
DO THAT TO YOU.
I DON'T SEE YOU
DOING ANYTHING!
MY DAD TELLS ME
TO STAY OUT OF FIGHTS
THAT DON'T AFFECT ME
DIRECTLY.
IT'D SURE BE NICE IF
YOU GUYS BACKED ME UP
ONCE IN A WHILE.
MY SISTER DOES,
AND SHE'S A GIRL.
YEAH, BUT IF WE
BACK YOU UP,
THAN ALAN'S GONNA
TERRORIZE US, TOO.
LISTEN, YOU GUYS
HAVE GOTTA HELP ME,
OR ELSE HE'S NEVER
GONNA LEAVE ME ALONE.
OR ELSE HE'S NEVER
GONNA LEAVE ME ALONE.
AH!
HEY, DANIEL.
HEY, LINDSAY.
WHAT'S UP?
WHERE YOU BEEN?
I BEEN...
JUST AROUND.
I BEEN...
JUST AROUND.
COME ON,
LET'S HIT THE PATIO.
COME ON,
LET'S HIT THE PATIO.
OH, THE SMOKING PATIO.
MM-HMM.
OK.
IT'S ALL RIGHT.
THEY DON'T BITE.
IT'S ALL RIGHT.
THEY DON'T BITE.
OK.
OK.
OW!
DON'T TOUCH ME,
YOU SCUZZ.
I'M SORRY.
YOUR BUTT
WAS CALLING TO ME.
YOUR BUTT
WAS CALLING TO ME.
HEY, NICHOLAS,
YOU GET THOSE M-80s?
I DON'T KNOW, MAN.
YOU GOT THE MONEY?
I DON'T KNOW, MAN.
YOU GOT THE MONEY?
YOU GUYS KNOW LINDSAY?
HI.
YOU WERE IN
MY ENGLISH CLASS
LAST YEAR, RIGHT?
YOU'RE THAT CHICK
WHO GOT AN "A."
YEAH, WELL...
WHAT ARE YOU
GONNA DO?
WHAT ARE YOU
GONNA DO?
I DON'T KNOW.
WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DO?
WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DO?
SO, YOU GUYS GOING
TO THE HOMECOMING DANCE?
I BEG YOUR PARDON?
THAT'S FUNNY.
, RIGHT?
THAT'S FUNNY.IT'S A JOKE
MY DAD'S KINDA
MAKING ME GO.
YOUR DAD'S MAKING
YOU GO TO THE DANCE?
MAN, WHAT'S THAT
ALL ABOUT?
WHO'S YOUR DAD--
HITLER?
WHO'S YOUR DAD--
HITLER?
I JUST THOUGHT MAYBE
YOU GUYS WERE GONNA GO...
TO MAKE FUN OF PEOPLE.
THAT COULD BE
KINDA FUNNY, RIGHT?
I WOULD GO,
BUT I HAVE
A PRIOR ENGAGEMENT.
MY COUSIN JUST SENT ME
A BUNCH OF MUSHROOMS,
AND I'M GONNA EAT THEM.
LOOK,
YOU KNOW THEY'RE
GONNA PLAY DISCO.
RIGHT? DISCO SUCKS.
I HATE DISCO.
dd OOH OOH dd
dd COO-COO
COO COO-COO dd
I'D RATHER
MAKE OUT WITH
PRINCIPAL FARBER.
OOH, AGAIN.
SHUT UP, MAN.
SHUT UP, MAN.
OW.
OW.
WHAT, WHAT?
OH! MY GOD, MAN.
OH!
I CAN'T WAIT TILL
YOU'RE NOT PAYING
ATTENTION.
GET OUTTA HERE!
CHECK IT OUT.
WHAT'S SHE WANT?
CHECK IT OUT.
WHAT'S SHE WANT?
LINDSAY?
LINDS.
FRIEND OF YOURS...
LINDS?
I'LL BE RIGHT BACK, OK?
OK.
OK.
OK.
MILLIE, WHAT ARE YOU
DOING OUT HERE?
WHAT AREYOU
DOING OUT
HERE?
THIS PLACE
IS FOR FREAKS.
MILLIE, GO AWAY.
TODAY'S THE DEADLINE
TO ENTER
THE ACADEMIC DECATHLON.
MR. ROSSO SAID
YOU DIDN'T TURN IN
YOUR APPLICATION.
WHAT?
MILLIE,
I'M NOT ENTERING.
BUT YOU'RE
OUR BEST MATH-LETE.
BUT YOU'RE
OUR BEST MATH-LETE.
COULD WE NOT TALK
ABOUT THIS RIGHT NOW?
LINDSAY, WHAT'S
WRONG WITH YOU?
THERE'S NOTHING
WRONG WITH ME.
I JUST DON'T WANT TO DO
DECATHLON THIS YEAR.
WELL, AREN'T YOU
AT LEAST GOING
TO HELP US
SELL REFRESHMENTS
AT THE HOMECOMING DANCE?
WE'RE TRYING
TO RAISE MONEY
TO BUY THE SCHOOL
A COMPUTER.
TO BUY THE SCHOOL
A COMPUTER.
SHH!
SHH!
GENTLEMEN,
HERE'S MY ADVICE.
LISTEN TO NEAL.
YOU SHOULD HANDLE ALAN
THE SAME WAY HAN SOLO
DEALT WITH JABBA THE HUT.
AVOID HIM.
JUST AVOID HIM
FOREVER?
JUST FOR 4 YEARS.
JUST FOR 4 YEARS.
SAM. THERE'S
CINDY SANDERS.
SAM. THERE'S
CINDY SANDERS.
DREAM ON, SAM.
OH, MAN.
UH-OH, INCOMING.
UH-OH, INCOMING.
HEY, SAM, I'VE BEEN
LOOKING ALL OVER FOR YOU.
IS THIS YOUR JACKET?
IS THIS YOUR JACKET?
YEAH.
YOU LEFT IT IN SCIENCE.
I DIDN'T WANT IT
TO GET ALL DIRTY.
YOU LEFT IT IN SCIENCE.
I DIDN'T WANT IT
TO GET ALL DIRTY.
OH, THANKS, CINDY.
THAT WAS REALLY
NICE OF YOU.
YEAH, WELL,
I'LL SEE YOU LATER.
YEAH, WELL,
I'LL SEE YOU LATER.
SAM.
YOU ARE SO IN.
WHAT?
SHE BROUGHT YOU
YOUR JACKET.
THAT MEANS...
SHE SAW IT,
SHE REMEMBERED
IT WAS YOURS,
SHE PICKED IT UP
AND CARRIED IT
THROUGH THE HALLS.
PEOPLE PROBABLY SAW HER
WITH IT AND EVERYTHING.
I WONDER IF SHE HAS
A DATE FOR THE DANCE.
CINDY SANDERS IS IN LOVE
WITH YOU, MAN.
CINDY SANDERS IS IN LOVE
WITH YOU, MAN.
YOU REALLY THINK
CINDY LIKES ME?
HELLO?
THE JACKET.
NO WAY. WE'RE NOT
HER SPECIES.
LISTEN, JUST
DO ME A FAVOR.
ASK AROUND. SEE IF SHE HAS
A DATE FOR THE DANCE.
WHO SHOULD I ASK?
OK. THE DANCE
IS TOMORROW.
SHE'S A CHEERLEADER.
YOU'VE SEEN STAR WARS
27 TIMES.
DO THE MATH.
I KNOW, BUT
MY DAD ALWAYS TELLS ME
THAT THE PRETTIEST GIRLS
USUALLY DON'T GET ASKED OUT
'CAUSE GUYS ARE
TOO AFRAID TO ASK THEM.
REALLY? MAYBE
I SHOULD ASK OUT
FARRAH FAWCETT-
MAJORS.
HEY, MAYBE I SHOULD
ASK OUT BILL'S MOM.
YOU BETTER NOT.
LISTEN, JUST
ASK AROUND, OK?
DON'T EVEN
THINK ABOUT IT.
DON'T EVEN
THINK ABOUT IT.
GET OUTTA THE WAY.
HEY. CHEMISTRY EXAM
YOU ORDERED.
ALL RIGHT.
GOOD JOB.
ALL RIGHT.
GOOD JOB.
WHERE ARE THE ANSWERS?
YOU JUST SAID
TO STEAL THE TEST.
OH, GOOD WORK,
GENIUS.
WAY TO USE
YOUR BRAIN.
WHAT?
I'M CUTTING.
WHO'S GOT GUM?
Nick: SORRY.
Nick: SORRY.
OH, YEAH, THAT'S
REAL GREAT.
WHY DON'T YOU
BLOW YOUR NOSE
IN SOME BREAD
AND MAKE ME
A SANDWICH, TOO?
WHY IS EVERYONE CRAWLING
UP MY BUTT TODAY?
'CAUSE YOU'RE A MORON.
HEY, KIM,
I GOT SOME.
HEY, KIM,
I GOT SOME.
WHAT'S SHE DOING HERE?
UH, SHE'S OUR FRIEND.
WHAT, ARE YOU DOING HER
SO THAT SHE'LL HELP YOU
WITH YOUR MATH HOMEWORK?
HEY, LAY OFF.
UM, KIM, I--
I WASN'T TALKING
TO YOU, BRAIN.
DON'T YOU HAVE
A TEST TO TAKE
OR SOMETHING?
HEY, WOULD YOU
BE COOL?
I MEAN, PLEASE.
DID I DO SOMETHING
TO YOU?
YOU'RE HERE.
KIM.
I HAVE AS MUCH RIGHT
TO BE HERE AS YOU DO.
I HAVE AS MUCH RIGHT
TO BE HERE AS YOU DO.
HEY, BRAIN,
I SHOPLIFT
IN YOUR DADDY'S STORE.
YOU'RE JUST
SOME RICH KID
WHO'S TRYING
TO PISS OFF HER PARENTS.
YOU THINK YOU CAN
HANG WITH THESE GUYS?
YOU THINK THAT'S GONNA
MAKE YOU COOL?
YOU THINK THAT'S GONNA
MAKE YOU COOL?
I DON'T KNOW
WHAT TO TELL YOU.
I DON'T KNOW
WHAT TO TELL YOU.
YOU KNOW WHAT?
I'M SORRY.
LET'S BE FRIENDS.
LET'S BE FRIENDS.
HEY.
THERE. NOW WE'RE FRIENDS.
SEE YOU AT THE MALL.
WHAT ARE YOU,
ON YOUR PERIOD?
HEY, YOU WANNA HANG AROUND
WITH YOUR LITTLE
POSER FRIEND HERE
AND PRETEND WITH HER,
THAT'S YOUR WASTE OF TIME,
JUST KEEP HER
THE HELL AWAY FROM ME.
JUST KEEP HER
THE HELL AWAY FROM ME.
THAT IS EXACTLY WHY
I DON'T CARRY A PURSE.
[CLASS BELL RINGS]
I GOTTA GET
TO SHOP CLASS.
IT'S THE ONLY ONE
I CAN PASS.
HERE. I'M SORRY.
HERE. I'M SORRY.
DON'T YOU HAVE
TO GET TO CLASS, TOO?
OH. I'LL SURVIVE.
OH. I'LL SURVIVE.
THESE SHORTS AREN'T
VERY FLATTERING,
ARE THEY?
NO,
YOU LOOK GOOD.
THANKS.
THANKS.
HEY, HOW COME YOUR SISTER'S
DRESSING SO WEIRD NOW?
WHAT DO YOU MEAN?
I DON'T KNOW.
I MEAN, SHE'S BEEN
WEARING YOUR DAD'S
ARMY JACKET.
I DON'T KNOW.
SHE'S BEEN ACTING WEIRD
EVER SINCE OUR GRANDMA DIED.
[SLAM]
YOU'RE DEAD, WEIRD!
YOU'RE DEAD, WEIRD!
ALAN?
WHAT?
WHAT?
WHAT'S THE POINT
OF ALL THIS?
THE POINT?
THE POINT?
THE POINT IS,
YOU'RE DEAD, TOO...
"LITTLE MAN."
"LITTLE MAN."
I KIND OF WISH I DIDN'T
COME TO SCHOOL TODAY.
I KIND OF WISH I DIDN'T
COME TO SCHOOL TODAY.
HI. WOULD YOU, UH,
WOULD YOU COME TO
THE HOMECOMING
DANCE WITH ME?
WOULD YOU COME TO
THE HOMECOMING
DANCE WITH ME?
UM, I WOULD,
BUT, UM,
I ALREADY
HAVE A DATE,
SO I CAN'T.
SORRY.
WILL YOU GO TO
HOMECOMING DANCE
WITH ME?
[LAUGHING]
ELI.
WHAT?
THERE'S A BEE
ON YOUR BOOK.
WHERE?
OH, I'LL GET IT.
[BOOK DROPS]
WHAT'S THE MATTER
WITH YOU?
YOU JERK.
I'M SORRY. DIDN'T MEAN
TO UPSET YOUR HUSBAND.
[LAUGHING]
OH, YEAH? WHAT IF HE
WAS MY HUSBAND?
THAT'D BE SOME KIND
OF JOKE TO YOU?
IT'S NO JOKE TO ME.
I THINK YOU TWO
MAKE A GOOD COUPLE.
YEAH?
MAYBE WE DO.
HEY, ELI.
DO YOU WANT TO GO TO
THE HOMECOMING DANCE
WITH ME?
YES. YES, I DO.
YEAH, PLEASE.
YEAH. I WILL GO.
GOOD.
GOOD.
COME ON, ELI.
COME ON, ELI.
[CLAP CLAP]
ALL RIGHT, FELLAS,
I JUST WANNA
LET YOU KNOW
THAT IN HONOR OF THE BIG
HOMECOMING GAME TOMORROW,
I'M GONNA GIVE YOU GUYS
THE DAY OFF.
I'M GONNA GIVE YOU GUYS
THE DAY OFF.
CAN WE GO HOME?
SCHWEIBER, DON'T BE
AN IDIOT, ALL RIGHT?
I MEAN, WE'RE GONNA
DO SOMETHING FUN.
I'M GONNA
LET YOU GUYS...
PLAY DODGE BALL.
YEAH!
YEAH!
YEAH!
[SIGH]
OH, MAN.
OH, NO.
OH, NO.
OH, MY GOD!
Coach: ALL RIGHT.
COME ON, GUYS,
LET'S GO.
COME ON, GUYS,
LET'S GO.
WOULD SOMEBODY
PLEASE TELL ME
WHAT'S SUPPOSED
TO BE FUN ABOUT THIS?
IF WE JUST LET
OURSELVES GET HIT,
THEN WE CAN GET OUT.
LET'S JUST PRETEND
TO GET HIT.
NOBODY'D KNOW.
I DON'T THINK
WE CAN.
LADIES, PUT DOWN
THE MASCARA,
GET IN THERE,
AND PLAY. COME ON.
GET IN THERE,
AND PLAY. COME ON.
VERY NICE.
I CAN'T TAKE IT, MAN.
I GOTTA GET
OUT OF HERE.
LOOK! "LITTLE MAN'S"
MAKING A RUN FOR IT.
HEY, ONLY MY MOM'S
ALLOWED TO CALL ME THAT.
HEY, ONLY MY MOM'S
ALLOWED TO CALL ME THAT.
UH!
OHH!
OHH!
OW.
OH!
OK. NOW IT'S TIME
TO SMEAR WEIR.
SAM! GET AWAY
FROM ME!
WE NEED TO STICK
TOGETHER.
ARE YOU CRAZY?
HEY, KID!
OHH!
Fat kid: YEAH!
OH, MY GOD!
UHH!
[WHISTLE BLOWS]
YEAH!
SOLOMON. HEY, HEY.
HEY, THAT'S ILLEGAL.
YOU'RE OUT OF THERE.
ALL RIGHT, SCHWEIBER,
COME ON, WALK IT OFF.
ALL RIGHT, SCHWEIBER,
COME ON, WALK IT OFF.
SIT DOWN,
YOU KNUCKLEHEAD.
SIT DOWN,
YOU KNUCKLEHEAD.
THERE'S NOWHERE
TO HIDE, WEIRD.
KID, GET AWAY
FROM US.
THAT PSYCHO'S
AFTER YOU.
THAT PSYCHO'S
AFTER YOU.
Coach: PICK 'EM UP
AND THROW 'EM.
Coach: PICK 'EM UP
AND THROW 'EM.
THAT'S THE WAY.
NICE THROW, WUSS.
HE CAUGHT MY BALL.
I'M OUT.
HA HA! YEAH!
OHH!
OHH!
GO, TIM, GO!
GO, TIM, GO!
[CHEERING]
[CHEERING]
OH, MY GOD!
HA HA HA!
ALL RIGHT, WHITE,
TAKE A SEAT.
COME ON, WEIR,
THROW IT BACK.
CATCH IT. COME ON.
CATCH IT. COME ON.
DODGE BALL'S KIND OF
A STUPID GAME, ISN'T IT?
DODGE BALL'S KIND OF
A STUPID GAME, ISN'T IT?
YOU JUST SIGNED
YOUR DEATH WARRANT.
YOU JUST SIGNED
YOUR DEATH WARRANT.
MAN, THAT CHICK DIGS YOU,
I'M TELLING YOU.
SHE LIKES ME?
YES!
THAT'S REALLY
GREAT.
HEY, SO, ELI.
WHAT?
THAT JIMMY CARTER,
HE'S SOME PRESIDENT,
RIGHT?
HE'S BEEN DOING
A HELLUVA JOB.
OH, HE'S DOING
A HELLUVA JOB.
OH, HE'S DOING
A HELLUVA JOB.
HEY, BUT I GOTTA SAY,
I'M A LITTLE CONCERNED
ABOUT HIS HANDLING
OF THE ECONOMY.
I MEAN, AREN'T YOU?
I'M A LITTLE CONCERNED.
MAYBE.
MAYBE I'M A LITTLE...
I'M A LITTLE CONCERNED.
COME ON. COME ON, ELI.
GIVE HIM A BREAK.
LOOK WHAT HE'S DONE
IN THE MIDDLE EAST.
THE MIDDLE EAST.
THE MIDDLE...
THE MIDDLE
OF THE EAST.
I BET YOU'D MAKE
A GOOD PRESIDENT, ELI.
PRESIDENT ELI?
YEAH.
OK. PRESIDENT ELI!
PRESIDENT ELI!
HEY, YOU GUYS,
CUT IT OUT.
LEAVE HIM ALONE.
WHAT? WE'VE HAVING
A POLITICAL DISCUSSION HERE.
POLITICAL.
ELI, YOU DON'T HAVE
TO TALK TO THEM.
THEY'RE JUST
BEING MEAN.
NO. THEY'RE
MY BUDDIES.
THEY'RE
MY BUDDIES.
WE'RE HIS BUDDIES.
AIN'T THAT RIGHT,
MR. PRESIDENT?
NO, THEY'RE NOT, ELI.
I'M MAKING THEM LAUGH.
BUDDIES. I'M MAKING...
NOT THIS WAY.
THERE'S A GOOD KIND OF LAUGHING
AND A BAD KIND OF LAUGHING.
THIS IS BAD.
ELI, THEY'RE ONLY
LAUGHING AT YOU
BECAUSE YOU'RE RETARDED.
I'M NOT RETARDED.
I'M SPECIAL.
I'M NOT RETARDED.
I'M SPECIAL.
I'M SPECIAL.
ELI, YOU ARE SPECIAL.
I'M SORRY. I KNOW
YOU'RE SPECIAL.
THEY'RE BEING MEAN TO YOU.
I'M NOT RETARDED.
OK.
YOU'RE RETARDED!
I'M SORRY.
NO! NO!
I'M NOT RETARDED!
I AM SPECIAL!
I DON'T WANNA GO
TO DANCE WITH YOU!
I'M SORRY.
I'M SORRY.
[SCREAMING IN PAIN]
OH, MY GOD.
OH, MY GOD.
AND I'M THE MEAN ONE?
HOW DOES THAT WORK?
AND I'M THE MEAN ONE?
HOW DOES THAT WORK?
SO...WHAT'S GOING ON HERE?
ALL I--
I WAS TRYING TO
DO SOMETHING NICE
IN A STUPID SCHOOL
WHERE NOTHING NICE
EVER HAPPENS,
BUT INSTEAD ELI
BROKE HIS ARM AND...
NOW I FEEL
LIKE THE BIGGEST IDIOT
IN THE WORLD.
NO. WHY AREN'T YOU
TAKING PART
IN THE ACADEMIC DECATHLON?
WHAT?
WE NEED YOU.
YOU'RE OUR BEST MATH-LETE.
OH, GOD, PLEASE
DON'T SAY THAT WORD.
OH, GOD, PLEASE
DON'T SAY THAT WORD.
YOU HAVIN' SOME PROBLEMS
AT HOME?
NO, I'M NOT.
IS IT A BOY?
NO.
HEY, YOU CAN TELL ME.
I KNOW IT SEEMS SQUARE
TO ACTUALLY TALK TO
YOUR GUIDANCE COUNSELOR,
BUT I WAS A KID ONCE, TOO,
AND NOT THAT LONG AGO.
MR. ROSSO,
THERE'S NOTHING TO TELL.
TRUST ME.
OK.
OK.
I SEE THE PROBLEM HERE.
LET'S JUST RAP...
AS PEOPLE, OK?
NO PRESSURE.
FROM NOW ON,
I'M NOT "MR. ROSSO,
GUIDANCE COUNSELOR."
YOU'RE NOT?
NO.
I'M JUST JEFF,
YOUR FRIEND WHO CARES.
JEFF.
EXACTLY.
AND YOU'RE NOT "MS. WEIR,
HIGH SCHOOL STUDENT."
YOU'RE LINDSAY,
A GIRL WHO SEEMS
LIKE SHE NEEDS A FRIEND.
SO, COME ON, LINDS.
TALK TO YOUR BUDDY JEFF.
JEFF...
I'VE NEVER FELT BETTER
IN ALL MY LIFE.
WELL, THEN MAYBE SOMEONE
SHOULD TELL YOUR FACE.
[SIGHS]
[SIGHS]
AHH, YES,
INTERESTING PROBLEM.
FRESHMAN BULLIES.
HE'S OBVIOUSLY
ACTING OUT HIS INSECURITIES
IN A NEW ENVIRONMENT.
IF YOU CAN
DISCONNECT EMOTIONALLY,
IT'S REALLY QUITE SAD.
IN HIS OWN WAY, HE'S
REACHING OUT FOR A FRIEND.
NOT THAT YOU SHOULD
FEEL SORRY FOR HIM,
THOUGH.
HIS KIND
SHOULD BE DESTROYED.
SO WHAT DO WE DO?
I WOULD RECOMMEND
THE CRESSMAN CONUNDRUM.
WHAT THE HELL IS THAT?
TOM CRESSMAN--
MY FRESHMAN TORMENTOR.
THE IDEA WAS,
IF YOU FIGHT YOUR BULLY,
AFTERWARDS,
WHETHER YOU WIN OR LOSE,
THEY'LL TEND
TO LEAVE YOU ALONE.
DID IT WORK?
HE BROKE MY TAILBONE, BUT
THE RESULTS WERE EFFECTIVE.
HE GOT EXPELLED.
IT'S A GOOD PLAN.
IT'S A TERRIBLE PLAN, OK?
I'M NOT FIGHTING ALAN.
HE'S NOT MY TORMENTOR.
I KNOW EVERY ROUTE
HE TAKES TO EACH CLASS,
AND I AVOID THOSE HALLS.
IT'S THAT SIMPLE.
START LEAVING
OUT THE JANITOR'S DOOR
LIKE I DO.
ARE YOU LOOKIN'
FOR A FIGHT, DORK?!
NO, SIR.
WELL, YOU'RE GONNA GET ONE!
UNH...
UNH...
TELL ME ABOUT THIS
STUPID CRESSMAN CONUNDRUM.
dd WHAT YOU GONNA DO
WHEN THE TIME COMES dd
dd AND YOU HAVE TO
EARN YOUR WAY? dd
dd WHAT WILL YOU... dd
HEY, ARE YOU, UH...
ARE YOU, UH, ARE YOU OK?
IS IT JUST ME OR DOES
THE WHOLE WORLD SUCK?
dd WHEN YOU'RE FINALLY
ON YOUR OWN dd
AFTER CLASS, YOU AND ME
ARE CUTTIN' OUTTA HERE.
CUTTING?
YEAH. YEAH!
I GOT SOMETHING
TO SHOW YOU THAT--
IT'S GONNA MAKE YOU
FEEL BETTER.
IT'S GONNA MAKE YOU
FEEL BETTER.
Film narrator: MOST
OF THE PROFESSIONS
ARE OCCU--
I GUESS THE FIRST THING
THAT WE GOTTA DO
IS GET HIM
ON THE GROUND.
HOW ARE WE
SUPPOSED TO DO THAT?
CUT HIS LEGS OFF?
SHOULD I WEAR
A CUP FOR THIS?
THAT'S BETWEEN
YOU AND YOUR GOD, BILL.
THAT'S BETWEEN
YOU AND YOUR GOD, BILL.
HEY, GEEK.
HEY, GEEK.
YOU GOT A PROBLEM?
YOU GOT A PROBLEM?
UH...NO. I WAS...
I WAS JUST LOOKING
AT A FRIEND OF MINE.
ARE YOU TELLING ME
THAT I LOOK LIKE
A FRIEND OF YOURS?
HEY, KIM,
I THINK HE LIKES YOU.
HEY, KIM,
I THINK HE LIKES YOU.
IS THAT TRUE?
DO YOU LIKE ME?
DO YOU LOVE ME?
DO YOU LOVE ME?
UH...I LIKE YOU
LIKE A FRIEND.
I DON'T THINK SO.
I THINK YOU LIKE ME
LIKE ME.
I THINK YOU
WANT TO KISS ME.
DO YOU
WANT TO KISS ME?
DO YOU
WANT TO KISS ME?
UH, I DON'T KNOW.
COME ON.
JUST ONE LITTLE KISS.
I'LL BE YOUR GIRLFRIEND.
I'LL BE YOUR GIRLFRIEND.
[SLAM]
IN YOUR DREAMS, GEEK.
IN YOUR DREAMS, GEEK.
MAYBE WE SHOULD GET HER
TO BEAT UP ALAN.
MAYBE WE SHOULD GET HER
TO BEAT UP ALAN.
GO.
GO.
GO.
EH HEH...
WAIT FOR ME, MAN.
WAIT FOR ME, MAN.
BE PREPARED TO
HAVE YOUR MIND BLOWN.
BE PREPARED TO
HAVE YOUR MIND BLOWN.
CHECK IT OUT, MAN.
THAT'S, UH, 14 MOUNTED TOMS,
8 FLOOR TOMS,
4 SPLASHES, 2 GONGS,
10 COWBELLS, 4 RIDES,
5 SNARES, MAN...
A ROTO-TOM RACK,
AND IT'S ALL MOUNTED
ON MY INFAMOUS
QUADRUPLE KICK DRUM SYSTEM.
6 MORE PIECES,
I'VE GOT A BIGGER KIT
THAN NEAL PEART FROM RUSH.
YEAH!
[CONFUSED]
THAT'S GREAT, NICK.
LOOK, THESE TEACHERS--
THESE TEACHERS WANT US
TO WORK, YA KNOW?
AND I SAY, "FINE. I'LL WORK,
BUT YOU'VE GOTTA
LET ME DO THE KIND OF WORK
THAT I WANNA DO."
AND FOR ME, LINDSAY, IT'S--
IT'S MY DRUM KIT, MAN.
THIS IS MY PASSION,
YA KNOW?
THIS IS--
THIS IS THE ESSENCE
OF WHO I AM NOW.
BUT BEFORE I HAD THIS,
I WAS LOST, TOO.
YOU SEE WHAT I'M SAYIN'?
YOU NEED TO FIND YOUR REASON
FOR--FOR LIVING. I MEAN...
YOU GOTTA FIND YOUR BIG,
GIGANTIC DRUM KIT, YA KNOW?
YOU GOTTA FIND YOUR BIG,
GIGANTIC DRUM KIT, YA KNOW?
HEY, MAYBE
I'LL BUY A CLARINET.
YEAH.
YEAH.
IF YOU'RE NOT
GOING TO THE DANCE,
I THOUGHT YOU COULD
COME OVER TO MY HOUSE.
A BUNCH OF GUYS
WHO PLAY A GUITAR
ARE GONNA COME OVER.
WE'RE JUST, UH...
I DON'T KNOW.
WE'RE GONNA TRY PLAYING
DARK SIDE OF THE MOON
OR SOMETHIN'.
JUST TELL YOUR DAD
YOU WENT.
I CAN'T LIE TO MY DAD.
REALLY?
REALLY?
YEAH.
OK.
WHY DON'T YOU
TELL YOUR DAD
THAT YOU GOT A DATE?
NO. LISTEN...
I'LL PUT ON A SUIT,
ALL RIGHT?
I'LL COME PICK YOU UP,
TALK NICE TO YOUR DAD,
AND THEN I'LL TAKE YOU
TO THE SCHOOL,
AND WE CAN WALK UP TO
THE DOOR OF THE DANCE,
AND THEN
WE CAN TAKE OFF.
THAT WAY YOU CAN TELL
YOUR DAD YOU WENT.
YOU WOULDN'T BE LYIN'.
YOU'D REALLY DO THAT?
YOU'D REALLY DO THAT?
ABSOLUTELY.
[CAR HORN HONKS]
AHEM.
[ROCK MUSIC PLAYING
ON STEREO]
[ROCK MUSIC PLAYING
ON STEREO]
HELLO THERE!
HELLO, JEFF.
GUESS WHO'S IN TROUBLE?
GUESS WHO'S IN TROUBLE?
HERE'S THE DEAL:
IF YOU TAKE PART IN
THE ACADEMIC DECATHLON,
I'LL FORGET THIS
EVER HAPPENED.
YOU'RE FORCING ME
TO BE A MATH-LETE?
THAT IS SO NOT FAIR.
THE WORLD IS NOT
BLACK AND WHITE.
IT'S GRAY.
AND I REALLY THINK
IT'D BE GOOD FOR YOU.
JEFF...
I REALLY CAN'T DO THAT.
I REALLY CAN'T DO THAT.
FINE,MS. WEIR.
THEN MAYBE IT'S TIME
FOR SOME TOUGH LOVE.
HOW ABOUT I, UH,
CALL YOUR PARENTS,
AND I LET THEM KNOW
THAT THEIR DAUGHTER'S
TURNING INTO A BURNOUT
WHO SKIPS CLASS?
NO.
AND YOU KNOW WHAT?
I CAN'T MAKE YOU
BE A MATH-LETE,
BUT I CAN MAKE YOU WORK
THE REFRESHMENT TABLE
AT THE HOMECOMING DANCE.
I'LL SEE YA SATURDAY
AT 7:00.
Harold: YOU KNOW
WHO USED TO CUT CLASS?
JIMI HENDRIX.
YOU KNOW
WHAT HAPPENED TO HIM?
HE DIED, CHOKING
ON HIS OWN VOMIT.
DADDY,
I SKIPPED LATIN.
OH, WELL, I CAN UNDERSTAND
WHY YOU WOULDN'T WANT TO
LEARN ABOUT THAT.
IT'S ONLY THE BUILDING BLOCK
OF OUR LANGUAGE.
WELL, I'M JUST GLAD
YOUR GRANDMOTHER
WASN'T ALIVE
TO HEAR ABOUT THIS.
YOU CAN'T CUT CORNERS
IN LIFE!
YOU KNOW WHO CUT CORNERS?
KENNEDY.
KENNEDY CUT CORNERS
WHEN HE WAS RUNNING
THE BAY OF PIGS.
A LOT OF GOOD MEN
LOST THEIR LIVES
BECAUSE OF IT.
YOU KNOW WHO ELSE
CUT CORNERS?
JANIS JOPLIN.
DAD!
WHAT ARE YOU
TALKING ABOUT?
YOU DON'T
MAKE ANY SENSE!
I JUST CUT CLASS,
AND, GUESS WHAT?
EVERYBODY'S STILL ALIVE.
JUST LEAVE ME ALONE!
JUST LEAVE ME ALONE!
[DOOR SLAMS]
[DOOR SLAMS]
YOU UNDERSTAND
WHAT I'M SAYING,
DON'T YA, SAM?
YOU UNDERSTAND
WHAT I'M SAYING,
DON'T YA, SAM?
Y-YEAH.
GOOD.
PASS THE ROLLS.
PASS THE ROLLS.
[KNOCK ON DOOR]
[DOOR OPENS]
[DOOR OPENS]
UM...DO YOU WANT ME TO COME--
CAN I COME IN?
UM...DO YOU WANT ME TO COME--
CAN I COME IN?
DO YOU THINK THAT
ME, NEAL, AND BILL
COULD BEAT UP ALAN?
DO YOU THINK THAT
ME, NEAL, AND BILL
COULD BEAT UP ALAN?
JUST ALAN?
YEAH.
ALAN AND HIS BUDDIES?
MMM...NO TO MAYBE.
YEAH. THAT'S
WHAT I THOUGHT.
YEAH. THAT'S
WHAT I THOUGHT.
UM, WHY ARE YOU
THROWING YOUR LIFE AWAY?
UM, WHY ARE YOU
THROWING YOUR LIFE AWAY?
DID DAD TELL YOU
TO ASK ME THAT?
NO.
MILLIE DID.
AHH...
THAT FIGURES.
FORGET IT.
YOU KNOW, TELL HER TO
MIND HER OWN BUSINESS.
YOU KNOW, TELL HER TO
MIND HER OWN BUSINESS.
YOU KNOW, JUST BECAUSE
SHE ASKED ME TO ASK YOU
DOESN'T MEAN I WAS GONNA
TELL HER WHAT YOU SAID.
DOESN'T MEAN I WAS GONNA
TELL HER WHAT YOU SAID.
SAM?
SAM?
DID MOM AND DAD
EVER TELL YOU
THAT I WAS THE ONLY ONE
WITH GRANDMA
WHEN SHE DIED?
THAT I WAS THE ONLY ONE
WITH GRANDMA
WHEN SHE DIED?
NO.
NO.
YEAH.
YEAH.
I WENT DOWN
TO THE CAFETERIA
TO GET SOME COFFEE...
AND ALL OF A SUDDEN,
GRANDMA LOOKED SO
TERRIFIED.
I DIDN'T KNOW
WHAT TO DO.
[SIGHS]
SHE GRABBED MY HAND
AND TOLD ME SHE
DIDN'T WANT TO GO.
SHE LOOKED SO SCARED,
SAM.
SO I SAID,
"WELL, YOU KNOW,
CAN YOU SEE GOD
OR HEAVEN OR A LIGHT
OR ANYTHING?"
WHAT DID SHE SAY?
"NO.
THERE'S NOTHING."
THERE'S NOTHING."
SHE WAS A GOOD PERSON
ALL HER LIFE,
AND THAT'S WHAT SHE GOT.
SHE WAS A GOOD PERSON
ALL HER LIFE,
AND THAT'S WHAT SHE GOT.
SO...
YOU DO THINK THAT
WE COULD BEAT UP ALAN?
YOU DO THINK THAT
WE COULD BEAT UP ALAN?
YEAH.
YEAH.
HE'S A GONER.
HE'S A GONER.
dd OH, MAMA,
I'M IN FEAR FOR MY LIFE dd
dd FROM THE LONG ARM
OF THE LAW dd
dd FROM THE LONG ARM
OF THE LAW dd
dd LAWMAN HAS PUT AN END
TO MY RUNNIN' dd
dd AND I'M SO FAR
FROM MY HOME dd
dd AND I'M SO FAR
FROM MY HOME dd
dd OH, MAMA,
I CAN HEAR YOU A-CRYIN' dd
dd YOU'RE SO SCARED... dd
OH, MAN, WHERE'S SAM?
IT'S ALMOST 3:00.
ALAN'S GONNA BE HERE.
I'LL BET
HE FORGOT HIS MATH BOOK.
I'M SURE HE'S COMING.
ALL RIGHT.
COLIN!
YOU CAME TO HELP US?
NO WAY. I JUST
CAME TO WATCH.
IT SHOULD
BE EXCITING.
UH, BECAUSE WE'RE GONNA WIN?
EITHER WAY.
OH, MAN, WHERE'S SAM?
OH, MAN, WHERE'S SAM?
SAM.
I CAN'T TALK.
GOTTA FIGHT ALAN.
I CAN'T TALK.
GOTTA FIGHT ALAN.
HI, SAM.
HI, SAM.
OH, HI, CINDY.
WHERE'S SAM? IT'S 3:00.
OH, OK.
SO NOW
DON'T LET ALAN
HIT ANY OF YOUR
PRESSURE POINTS
BECAUSE
IF HE DOES,
YOU'RE NOT GONNA
FEEL ANYTHING,
BUT YOU'LL
DROP DEAD
IN 3 DAYS.
BUT YOU'LL
DROP DEAD
IN 3 DAYS.
OH, MAN, MY STOMACH HURTS.
BILL, YOU'LL BE FINE.
NO, IT REALLY HURTS.
I THINK I SHOULD GO HOME.
THIS IS HOW HOUDINI DIED.
OH, YOU SHOULD
ALWAYS GUARD YOUR FACE
BECAUSE IF THE OTHER GUY
HITS YOU IN THE NOSE,
IT COULD
DRIVE THE NOSE BONE
INTO YOUR BRAIN.
THEN YOU'LL RELEASE
YOUR BOWELS AND DIE.
SHUT UP, WOULD YA?
NO. HE'S RIGHT.
THERE ARE A LOT OF WAYS
TO DIE IN A FIGHT.
MAYBE WE
SHOULD PUT THIS OFF.
HEY, THERE'S SAM.
SAM!
SAM!
SAM!
STOP IT.
STOP IT, YOU MORON.
THAT'S NOT SAM.
IT'S ALAN.
WHAT?
SO, UM, WHAT
ARE YOU DOIN'
JUST GOIN' HOME.
HOW ABOUT YOU?
I'M CHEERING
AT THE GAME.
OH.
WELL...
YOU'RE DRESSED FOR IT.
HA HA HA!
WHAT ARE YOU LOSERS
DOIN' ON MY STREET?
NOTHING.
WE'RE KIND OF HERE
TO BEAT YOU UP.
BILL!
WELL, WE ARE.
ARE YOU?
HE'S JUST--
HE'S KIDDING.
I'M NOT TALKIN'
TO YOU, DORK!
HEH HEH.
HEH HEH. WHAT
ARE YOU LAUGHIN' AT,
PINHEAD?
OH, I'M JUST HERE TO WATCH.
OH, REALLY?
WELL, WATCH THIS.
WELL, WATCH THIS.
AH!
AH!
YOU ARE SO DEAD.
AH!
AH!
WELL, UM, I GOTTA
GET OUT THERE.
I'LL SEE YA.
ALL RIGHT. SEE YA.
ALL RIGHT. SEE YA.
HEY, CINDY?
YEAH?
YEAH?
I WAS WONDERING, UM...
I WAS WONDERING, UM...
DO, UH...
DO, UH...
YOU WANNA PIECE OF ME?
I'LL KILL YOU!
BRING IT ON.
BRING IT ON.
UM...
UM...
DO YOU WANNA GO TO
THE HOMECOMING DANCE
WITH ME?
WELL, I'M ALREADY GOING
WITH DAN LEWIS.
HE ASKED ME 2 WEEKS AGO.
HE ASKED ME 2 WEEKS AGO.
OH, OK. I MEAN...YEAH.
I JUST
THOUGHT I WOULD ASK
JUST IN CASE YOU
DIDN'T HAVE ANYONE
TO GO WITH.
WELL, UM...
I GOTTA GET OUT THERE,
SO I'LL SEE YA.
OH, IF YOU'RE THERE,
I'LL SAVE A DANCE FOR YOU.
OK.
OK.
SEE YA.
SEE YA.
THAT COULD BE GOOD.
THAT COULD BE GOOD.
[SIGHS]
[SIGHS]
GET OFF ME, YOU PSYCHOS!
UNH! AH!
YOU RIPPED MY SHIRT.
YOU'RE GONNA BUY ME
A NEW SHIRT!
YOU GUYS ARE ALL DEAD, MAN!
REALLY DEAD!
YOU GUYS ARE ALL DEAD, MAN!
REALLY DEAD!
I GOT PUNCHED
IN THE NOSE, BUT--
BUT I'M STILL ALIVE.
I GUESS THE NOSE BONE
MUST HAVE MISSED
MY BRAIN.
YEAH. MY STOMACH
DOESN'T HURT ANYMORE.
MINE DOES.
MINE DOES.
DID YOU SEE ME?
I WAS
TAUNTING HIM.
HE WAS
TERRIFIED.
DID YOU SEE ME?
I HAD HIS ARMS.
TOTALLY SHUT HIM DOWN.
I HAD HIS SHOES.
I HAD HIS SHOES.
WAIT A MINUTE.
YOU GUYS FOUGHT ALAN?
NO. WE GOT HIT
BY A CAR.
LISTEN, I'M SO SORRY.
I WAS TALKIN' TO CINDY.
YOU REALLY STOOD UP FOR ME.
YOU SHOULD SEE
HOW HE LOOKS.
WE TORE HIS SHIRT.
YEAH.
SO WHAT'D
SHE SAY?
SHE'S GOT A DATE.
SHE'S SAVING A DANCE
FOR ME.
SO YOU'RE GOIN'.
YEAH.
YOU'VE GOTTA
SLOWDANCE.
YEAH.
DEFINITELY SLOW.
THANKS.
YOU KNOW, I'LL BE THERE
THE NEXT TIME.
OH, GOD,
I HOPE THERE'S
NOT A NEXT TIME.
[STYX'COME SAIL AWAY
PLAYS]
[STYX'COME SAIL AWAY
PLAYS]
dd I'M dd
dd SAILING AWAY dd
dd SAILING AWAY dd
dd SET AN OPEN COURSE dd
dd FOR THE VIRGIN SEA... dd
LOOK, UH, I KNOW
YOU'RE NOT HAPPY
ABOUT THIS,
BUT DON'T MAKE ME
THE BAD GUY HERE.
dd GOT TO BE FREE dd
IF THE WORST THING
IN YOUR LIFE
IS SOMEBODY MAKES
YOU GO TO A DANCE,
THEN I'D SAY
YOU HAVE A PRETTY
GOOD LIFE.
dd THAT'S AHEAD OF ME dd
dd THAT'S AHEAD OF ME dd
d
dd ON BOARD, I'M A CAPTAIN d
dd SO CLIMB ABOARD dd
dd WE'LL SEARCH FOR TOMORROW dd
dd ON EVERY SHORE dd
dd AND I'LL TRY dd
dd OH, LORD, I'LL TRY dd
dd OH, LORD, I'LL TRY dd
dd TO CARRY ON dd
dd TO CARRY ON dd
dd I LOOK TO THE SEA... dd
HI, CINDY.
HEY, SAM.
I WAS WONDERING, UM...
YOU SAID YOU'D SAVE
A DANCE FOR ME,
SO CAN I HAVE IT NOW?
dd SOME HAPPY, SOME SAD dd
I MEAN,
IF YOU'RE NOT BUSY?
I'M NOT BUSY.
dd OF CHILDHOOD FRIENDS dd
dd AND THE DREAMS WE HAD dd
dd AND THE DREAMS WE HAD dd
dd
dd WE LIVED HAPPILY FOREVER
dd SO THE STORY GOES dd
dd BUT SOMEHOW
WE MISSED OUT dd
dd ON THE POT OF GOLD dd
dd BUT WE'LL TRY dd
dd BEST THAT WE CAN dd
dd TO CARRY ON dd
[TEMPO OF SONG PICKS UP]
[TEMPO OF SONG PICKS UP]
COME ON, SAM.
COME ON, SAM.
dd A GATHERING OF ANGELS dd
dd APPEARED ABOVE MY HEAD dd
dd THEY SANG TO ME
THIS SONG OF HOPE dd
dd AND THIS IS WHAT THEY SAID dd
dd THEY SAID dd
dd COME SAIL AWAY dd
dd COME SAIL AWAY dd
dd COME SAIL AWAY
WITH ME, LADS dd
dd COME SAIL AWAY dd
dd COME SAIL AWAY dd
dd COME SAIL AWAY WITH ME dd
dd COME SAIL AWAY dd
dd COME SAIL AWAY... dd
WHAT ARE YOU
THINKING ABOUT, LINDSAY?
I THINK I'M GONNA
DANCE WITH ELI.
I'LL BE RIGHT BACK,
JEFF.
UH, LINDS?
MAYBE YOU SHOULD START
CALLING ME MR. ROSSO
AGAIN.
MAYBE YOU SHOULD START
CALLING ME MR. ROSSO
AGAIN.
dd I THOUGHT THAT
THEY WERE ANGELS dd
dd BUT TO MY SURPRISE dd
Y CLIMBED ABOARD
THEIR STARSHIP ddRISE dd THE
d
dd WE HEADED FOR THE SKIES d
dd COME SAIL AWAY dd
dd COME SAIL AWAY dd
NOW, THAT'S
THE PERFECT COUPLE.
I MEAN, THEY GOT
SOME CHEMISTRY--OW!
SHUT UP!
WHAT DID I DO?
dd SAIL AWAY WITH ME dd
dd COME SAIL AWAY dd
dd COME SAIL AWAY dd
dd COME SAIL AWAY WITH ME dd
dd COME SAIL AWAY dd
dd COME SAIL AWAY dd
dd COME SAIL AWAY WITH ME dd
dd COME SAIL AWAY dd
dd COME SAIL AWAY dd
dd COME SAIL AWAY WITH ME dd
dd COME SAIL AWAY dd
dd COME SAIL AWAY dd
dd COME SAIL AWAY WITH ME dd
dd COME SAIL AWAY dd
dd COME SAIL AWAY dd
dd COME SAIL AWAY WITH ME dd
dd COME SAIL AWAY WITH ME dd
CAPTIONING MADE POSSIBLE BY
DREAMWORKS TELEVISION, L.L.C.
PUBLIC PERFORMANCE OF CAPTIONS
PROHIBITED WITHOUT PERMISSION
OF DREAMWORKS L.L.C. AND NCI
LET'S SEE SOME HUSTLE.
LET'S SEE SOME HUSTLE.
UH, EXCUSE ME.
IS OUR LITTLE PRACTICE
BOTHERING YOU?
GET ON THE FIELD!
[WHISTLE BLOWS]
ALL RIGHT,
LET'S WORK!
LET'S SCRIMMAGE.
COME ON!
YOU SEEM SO DISTANT
THESE DAYS, BRETT.
IS THERE SOMETHING
I DID?
'CAUSE IF THERE IS,
I WANT YOU
TO TELL ME.
ASHLEY, IT'S JUST--
I'M READY
TO WORK THROUGH
WHATEVER IT IS
THAT WE NEED
TO WORK THROUGH.
BUT WE NEED
TO COMMUNICATE.
I NEED YOU
TO TALK TO ME.
ASHLEY, IT'S JUST THAT
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH...
IT SCARES ME.
IT SCARES ME.
IT SCARES ME.
OH, MAN, YOU WANNA
HEAR SOMETHING
WAY MESSED UP?
YOU KNOW
THAT MOLLY HATCHETT SHIRT
I WAS WEARING
THE OTHER DAY?
YOU KNOW, THE ONE
WITH THE EXECUTIONER GUY
HOLDING THAT BLOODY AX,
AND UNDER HIS FOOT'S
THE SEVERED HEAD.
YEAH.
YEAH.
THAT'S MY SHIRT.
YEAH, SO...
MY MOM, SHE MAKES US GO
TO CHURCH EVERY WEEK,
AND WE GOTTA DRESS UP.
AND SO I GET THERE,
AND THE STUPID PRIEST
SAYS I CAN'T COME IN.
YOU CAN'T WEAR
STUFF LIKE THAT
AT CHURCH, MAN.
WHY NOT, MAN?
IT'S CHURCH.
THEY'RE SUPPOSED TO
FORGIVE PEOPLE THERE.
SO YOU HATE MY SHIRT.
FORGIVE ME--
LET ME COME IN.
HEY, I BELIEVE
IN GOD, MAN.
I'VE SEEN HIM.
I'VE FELT HIS POWER.
HE PLAYS DRUMS
FOR LED ZEPPELIN,
AND HIS NAME IS
JOHN BONHAM, BABY!
OH, YEAH!
OH, YEAH!
[KENNY LOGGINS'
I'M ALRIGHTPLAYS]
NAH, NAH, NAH.
HERE WE GO,
HERE WE GO.
[IMITATING
BILL MURRAY]
HEY, LISA!
HERE'S
THOSE NOOGIES
YOU ORDERED.
IT'S A REAL
CINDERELLA STORY.
EH, FORMER GREENS KEEPER.
OH! HE GOT ALL
OF THAT ONE!
IT'S IN THE HOLE!
IT'S IN THE HOLE!
Older kid: SAM WEIR.
Older kid: SAM WEIR.
YOU REALLY LIKE
BILL MURRAY, DON'T YOU?
YEAH. HE'S GREAT.
BILL MURRAY SUCKS, MAN.
NO, HE DOESN'T.
HE'S COOL.
OH, REALLY?
WHAT IS HE,
YOUR BOYFRIEND?
SAM QUEER.
IT'S FIGHTIN' TIME,
WEIRD.
LEAVE ME ALONE, ALAN.
I'M SORRY.
I DON'T SPEAK GEEK.
I ALWAYS WANTED TO KNOW
WHAT IT'D BE LIKE
TO FIGHT A GIRL.
Girl: I'M A GIRL.
WANNA SEE WHAT
IT'D BE LIKE
TO FIGHT ME?
UH.
WEIR'S SISTER
HAS TO PROTECT HIM?
I'M NOT PROTECTING HIM.
JUST TRYING TO FIGURE OUT
WHY IT IS YOU NEED
TO PICK FIGHTS
WITH GUYS WHO WEIGH LESS
THAN A HUNDRED POUNDS.
WATCH OUT, ALAN.
I THINK SHE'S
HIGH ON POT.
YEAH. I MIGHT JUST
GO PSYCHO ON YOU.
YOU WANNA TRY ME?
YOU WANNA TRY ME?
YOU'RE DEAD,
ALL RIGHT?
AS SOON AS
YOUR FREAK SISTER
ISN'T AROUND,
I'M GONNA
CREAM YOU, MAN.
I'M GONNA
CREAM YOU, MAN.
YOU KNOW, YOU REALLY
DIDN'T NEED TO DO THAT.
I COULD'VE
HANDLED IT.
YEAH, I KNOW.
AND BY THE WAY,
I WEIGH
103 POUNDS.
I WEIGH
103 POUNDS.
SORRY.
SORRY.
MAN, I HATE HIGH SCHOOL.
MAN, I HATE HIGH SCHOOL.
dd I DON'T GIVE A DAMN
'BOUT MY REPUTATION dd
dd I DON'T GIVE A DAMN
'BOUT MY REPUTATION dd
dd LIVIN' IN THE PAST,
IT'S A NEW GENERATION dd
dd LIVIN' IN THE PAST,
IT'S A NEW GENERATION dd
dd GO AND DO
WHAT YOU WANT TO DO dd
dd AND THAT'S WHAT
I'M GONNA DO dd
dd AND I DON'T GIVE A DAMN
'BOUT MY BAD REPUTATION dd
dd AND I DON'T GIVE A DAMN
'BOUT MY BAD REPUTATION dd
dd OH, NO, NO, NO,
NO, NO, NO, NO dd
dd NOT ME dd
dd WHAH! NO! dd
dd NO, NO, NO, NO,
NO, NO, NO dd
dd NOT ME dd
dd ME, ME, ME, ME dd
dd I DON'T GIVE A DAMN
'BOUT MY REPUTATION dd
dd I DON'T GIVE A DAMN
'BOUT MY REPUTATION dd
dd I'VE NEVER BEEN AFRAID
OF ANY DEVIATION dd
dd I'VE NEVER BEEN AFRAID
OF ANY DEVIATION dd
dd AND I DON'T REALLY CARE
IF YOU THINK I'M STRANGE dd
dd I AIN'T GONNA CHANGE dd
dd AND I'VE NEVER GONNA CARE
'BOUT MY BAD REPUTATION dd
dd AND I'VE NEVER GONNA CARE
'BOUT MY BAD REPUTATION dd
dd NOT ME! dd
dd NOT ME! dd
CAPTIONING MADE POSSIBLE BY
DREAMWORKS TELEVISION, L.L.C.
YOU KNOW, I RAN INTO
MRS. PATTON TODAY
AT FARMER JACK,
AND SHE SAID
SHE SAW YOU SMOKING.
WELL, SHE'S CRAZY.
MOM...I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU.
DO YOU SERIOUSLY THINK
I WOULD START SMOKING?
OK. I...HEH.
Harold Weir:
YOU KNOW, I HAD A FRIEND
THAT USED TO SMOKE.
YOU KNOW WHAT
HE'S DOING NOW?
HE'S DEAD.
YOU THINK SMOKING
MAKES YOU LOOK COOL?
LET'S GO DIG HIM UP NOW
AND SEE HOW COOL HE LOOKS.
DADDY, IF I STARTED SMOKING,
I WOULD TELL YOU.
OH, GOOD. NOW I DON'T
HAVE TO WORRY.
HEY, DAD, GUESS WHAT.
THEY'RE SHOWING MONTY PYTHON
AND THE HOLY GRAIL
AT PARKWAY SATURDAY NIGHT.
NEAL, BILL, AND I ARE GONNA
WATCH IT TWICE IN A ROW.
GREAT.
SAM, ISN'T THE HOMECOMING
DANCE SATURDAY NIGHT?
YEAH.
ARE YOU GOING?
NO. WHY WOULD I DO THAT?
WELL, YOUR SISTER'S GOING.
NO, I'M NOT.
ALL RIGHT, KIDS,
HIGH SCHOOL
IS FOR LEARNING,
BUT IT'S ALSO WHERE YOU
SHOULD BE LEARNING
HOW TO SOCIALIZE.
THAT'S WHAT HIGH SCHOOL
DANCES ARE ALL ABOUT.
NO, THEY'RE NOT.
THEY'RE JUST A CHANCE
FOR THE POPULAR KIDS
TO EXPERIMENT WITH SEX
IN THEIR CARS.
LINDSAY!
HEY!
IF THAT'S WHAT
YOU WANT ME TO DO,
THEN I'D BE
HAPPY TO GO.
YOU KNOW, THERE WAS
A GIRL IN OUR SCHOOL...
SHE HAD PREMARITAL SEX.
YOU KNOW WHAT SHE DID
ON GRADUATION DAY?
DIED...
OF AN OVERDOSE--
HEROIN.
DAD, ARE ANY
OF YOUR FRIENDS ALIVE?
THE SMART ONES.
Jean Weir: I'M SURE
THERE ARE PLENTY OF KIDS
WHO ARE JUST DYING
FOR SOMEONE TO ASK THEM.
MOM, THAT'S THE STUPIDEST
THING I'VE EVER HEARD.
HONEY, IT'S STUPID
UNTIL YOU CONSIDER
HOW HAPPY IT'LL MAKE
SOMEBODY WHO REALLY
WANTS TO GO.
NOBODY I KNOW
WANTS TO GO.
LINDSAY, HONEY.
DAD!
GREAT.
THAT WORKS OUT PERFECT.
I'M HAVING A MIDNIGHT MADNESS
DEER HUNTING SALE THAT NIGHT,
AND YOU CAN COME WAIT ON
ALL THOSE NICE HUNTERS.
THE CHOICE IS YOURS.
THE CHOICE IS YOURS.
THANKS, CARLA.
THANKS, CARLA.
HEY, ELI.
I THINK TOM
NEEDS A HUG.
MY BUDDY.
MY BUDDY.
MY BUDDY.
OK. OK.
OK. OK.
YOU'RE SUCH
A JERK, MAN.
WHAT? ELI LIKES YOU.
CONGRATULATIONS.
[LAUGHTER]
[LAUGHTER]
HEY, MR. K.
MR. SCHWEEBER.
IT'SSCHWEIBER.
IT'SSCHWEIBER.
[IMITATING WILLIAM SHATNER]
AH, MR. BONES, MR. SPOCK.
MAY I JOIN YOU HERE IN
THEENTERPRISEMESS HALL?
I'M SO HUNGRY
I COULD EAT A TRIBBLE.
I--I DON'T GET IT.
WHO'S THAT?
JOHN WAYNE.
OH. OK.
WHY DOES MY MOM ALWAYS
PUT A NOTE IN MY LUNCH?
IT'S SO EMBARRASSING.
AT LEAST YOUR MOM DOESN'T
WRITE THE NOTE ON THE BAG.
AT LEAST YOUR MOM DOESN'T
WRITE THE NOTE ON THE BAG.
ARE YOU GUYS GOING
TO THE HOMECOMING DANCE?
NO.
I REALLY DON'T
SEE THAT HAPPENING.
OH, I'M SORRY.
DID I CRUSH
YOUR TWINKIES?
WHAT DID YOU
DO THAT FOR?
WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DO,
GO CRYING TO YOUR SISTER,
SAM REAR?
NO. NO, I'M NOT.
MR. KOWCHEVSKI.
ALAN SMASHED MY TWINKIES.
OH, MY GOD.
YOU'RE SUCH A WOMAN.
OH, MY GOD.
YOU'RE SUCH A WOMAN.
ALAN, YOU DON'T HAVE
ANYTHING BETTER TO DO
THAN TO CRUSH
MR. WEIR'S DESSERT?
OH, WELL, YOU KNOW,
I WAS JUST BENDING DOWN
TO TALK TO HIM,
AND I ACCIDENTALLY
LEANED ON IT.
I'M SORRY.
WHY DON'T YOU GO DO
THE NICE THING
AND BUY HIM SOME
NEW ONES?
OH, YES, SIR.
THANK YOU,
MR. KOWCHEVSKI.
SAM, YOU WANT
SOME ADVICE?
BE A MAN.
BE A MAN.
YOU SHOULDN'T LET ALAN
DO THAT TO YOU.
I DON'T SEE YOU
DOING ANYTHING!
MY DAD TELLS ME
TO STAY OUT OF FIGHTS
THAT DON'T AFFECT ME
DIRECTLY.
IT'D SURE BE NICE IF
YOU GUYS BACKED ME UP
ONCE IN A WHILE.
MY SISTER DOES,
AND SHE'S A GIRL.
YEAH, BUT IF WE
BACK YOU UP,
THAN ALAN'S GONNA
TERRORIZE US, TOO.
LISTEN, YOU GUYS
HAVE GOTTA HELP ME,
OR ELSE HE'S NEVER
GONNA LEAVE ME ALONE.
OR ELSE HE'S NEVER
GONNA LEAVE ME ALONE.
AH!
HEY, DANIEL.
HEY, LINDSAY.
WHAT'S UP?
WHERE YOU BEEN?
I BEEN...
JUST AROUND.
I BEEN...
JUST AROUND.
COME ON,
LET'S HIT THE PATIO.
COME ON,
LET'S HIT THE PATIO.
OH, THE SMOKING PATIO.
MM-HMM.
OK.
IT'S ALL RIGHT.
THEY DON'T BITE.
IT'S ALL RIGHT.
THEY DON'T BITE.
OK.
OK.
OW!
DON'T TOUCH ME,
YOU SCUZZ.
I'M SORRY.
YOUR BUTT
WAS CALLING TO ME.
YOUR BUTT
WAS CALLING TO ME.
HEY, NICHOLAS,
YOU GET THOSE M-80s?
I DON'T KNOW, MAN.
YOU GOT THE MONEY?
I DON'T KNOW, MAN.
YOU GOT THE MONEY?
YOU GUYS KNOW LINDSAY?
HI.
YOU WERE IN
MY ENGLISH CLASS
LAST YEAR, RIGHT?
YOU'RE THAT CHICK
WHO GOT AN "A."
YEAH, WELL...
WHAT ARE YOU
GONNA DO?
WHAT ARE YOU
GONNA DO?
I DON'T KNOW.
WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DO?
WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DO?
SO, YOU GUYS GOING
TO THE HOMECOMING DANCE?
I BEG YOUR PARDON?
THAT'S FUNNY.
, RIGHT?
THAT'S FUNNY.IT'S A JOKE
MY DAD'S KINDA
MAKING ME GO.
YOUR DAD'S MAKING
YOU GO TO THE DANCE?
MAN, WHAT'S THAT
ALL ABOUT?
WHO'S YOUR DAD--
HITLER?
WHO'S YOUR DAD--
HITLER?
I JUST THOUGHT MAYBE
YOU GUYS WERE GONNA GO...
TO MAKE FUN OF PEOPLE.
THAT COULD BE
KINDA FUNNY, RIGHT?
I WOULD GO,
BUT I HAVE
A PRIOR ENGAGEMENT.
MY COUSIN JUST SENT ME
A BUNCH OF MUSHROOMS,
AND I'M GONNA EAT THEM.
LOOK,
YOU KNOW THEY'RE
GONNA PLAY DISCO.
RIGHT? DISCO SUCKS.
I HATE DISCO.
dd OOH OOH dd
dd COO-COO
COO COO-COO dd
I'D RATHER
MAKE OUT WITH
PRINCIPAL FARBER.
OOH, AGAIN.
SHUT UP, MAN.
SHUT UP, MAN.
OW.
OW.
WHAT, WHAT?
OH! MY GOD, MAN.
OH!
I CAN'T WAIT TILL
YOU'RE NOT PAYING
ATTENTION.
GET OUTTA HERE!
CHECK IT OUT.
WHAT'S SHE WANT?
CHECK IT OUT.
WHAT'S SHE WANT?
LINDSAY?
LINDS.
FRIEND OF YOURS...
LINDS?
I'LL BE RIGHT BACK, OK?
OK.
OK.
OK.
MILLIE, WHAT ARE YOU
DOING OUT HERE?
WHAT AREYOU
DOING OUT
HERE?
THIS PLACE
IS FOR FREAKS.
MILLIE, GO AWAY.
TODAY'S THE DEADLINE
TO ENTER
THE ACADEMIC DECATHLON.
MR. ROSSO SAID
YOU DIDN'T TURN IN
YOUR APPLICATION.
WHAT?
MILLIE,
I'M NOT ENTERING.
BUT YOU'RE
OUR BEST MATH-LETE.
BUT YOU'RE
OUR BEST MATH-LETE.
COULD WE NOT TALK
ABOUT THIS RIGHT NOW?
LINDSAY, WHAT'S
WRONG WITH YOU?
THERE'S NOTHING
WRONG WITH ME.
I JUST DON'T WANT TO DO
DECATHLON THIS YEAR.
WELL, AREN'T YOU
AT LEAST GOING
TO HELP US
SELL REFRESHMENTS
AT THE HOMECOMING DANCE?
WE'RE TRYING
TO RAISE MONEY
TO BUY THE SCHOOL
A COMPUTER.
TO BUY THE SCHOOL
A COMPUTER.
SHH!
SHH!
GENTLEMEN,
HERE'S MY ADVICE.
LISTEN TO NEAL.
YOU SHOULD HANDLE ALAN
THE SAME WAY HAN SOLO
DEALT WITH JABBA THE HUT.
AVOID HIM.
JUST AVOID HIM
FOREVER?
JUST FOR 4 YEARS.
JUST FOR 4 YEARS.
SAM. THERE'S
CINDY SANDERS.
SAM. THERE'S
CINDY SANDERS.
DREAM ON, SAM.
OH, MAN.
UH-OH, INCOMING.
UH-OH, INCOMING.
HEY, SAM, I'VE BEEN
LOOKING ALL OVER FOR YOU.
IS THIS YOUR JACKET?
IS THIS YOUR JACKET?
YEAH.
YOU LEFT IT IN SCIENCE.
I DIDN'T WANT IT
TO GET ALL DIRTY.
YOU LEFT IT IN SCIENCE.
I DIDN'T WANT IT
TO GET ALL DIRTY.
OH, THANKS, CINDY.
THAT WAS REALLY
NICE OF YOU.
YEAH, WELL,
I'LL SEE YOU LATER.
YEAH, WELL,
I'LL SEE YOU LATER.
SAM.
YOU ARE SO IN.
WHAT?
SHE BROUGHT YOU
YOUR JACKET.
THAT MEANS...
SHE SAW IT,
SHE REMEMBERED
IT WAS YOURS,
SHE PICKED IT UP
AND CARRIED IT
THROUGH THE HALLS.
PEOPLE PROBABLY SAW HER
WITH IT AND EVERYTHING.
I WONDER IF SHE HAS
A DATE FOR THE DANCE.
CINDY SANDERS IS IN LOVE
WITH YOU, MAN.
CINDY SANDERS IS IN LOVE
WITH YOU, MAN.
YOU REALLY THINK
CINDY LIKES ME?
HELLO?
THE JACKET.
NO WAY. WE'RE NOT
HER SPECIES.
LISTEN, JUST
DO ME A FAVOR.
ASK AROUND. SEE IF SHE HAS
A DATE FOR THE DANCE.
WHO SHOULD I ASK?
OK. THE DANCE
IS TOMORROW.
SHE'S A CHEERLEADER.
YOU'VE SEEN STAR WARS
27 TIMES.
DO THE MATH.
I KNOW, BUT
MY DAD ALWAYS TELLS ME
THAT THE PRETTIEST GIRLS
USUALLY DON'T GET ASKED OUT
'CAUSE GUYS ARE
TOO AFRAID TO ASK THEM.
REALLY? MAYBE
I SHOULD ASK OUT
FARRAH FAWCETT-
MAJORS.
HEY, MAYBE I SHOULD
ASK OUT BILL'S MOM.
YOU BETTER NOT.
LISTEN, JUST
ASK AROUND, OK?
DON'T EVEN
THINK ABOUT IT.
DON'T EVEN
THINK ABOUT IT.
GET OUTTA THE WAY.
HEY. CHEMISTRY EXAM
YOU ORDERED.
ALL RIGHT.
GOOD JOB.
ALL RIGHT.
GOOD JOB.
WHERE ARE THE ANSWERS?
YOU JUST SAID
TO STEAL THE TEST.
OH, GOOD WORK,
GENIUS.
WAY TO USE
YOUR BRAIN.
WHAT?
I'M CUTTING.
WHO'S GOT GUM?
Nick: SORRY.
Nick: SORRY.
OH, YEAH, THAT'S
REAL GREAT.
WHY DON'T YOU
BLOW YOUR NOSE
IN SOME BREAD
AND MAKE ME
A SANDWICH, TOO?
WHY IS EVERYONE CRAWLING
UP MY BUTT TODAY?
'CAUSE YOU'RE A MORON.
HEY, KIM,
I GOT SOME.
HEY, KIM,
I GOT SOME.
WHAT'S SHE DOING HERE?
UH, SHE'S OUR FRIEND.
WHAT, ARE YOU DOING HER
SO THAT SHE'LL HELP YOU
WITH YOUR MATH HOMEWORK?
HEY, LAY OFF.
UM, KIM, I--
I WASN'T TALKING
TO YOU, BRAIN.
DON'T YOU HAVE
A TEST TO TAKE
OR SOMETHING?
HEY, WOULD YOU
BE COOL?
I MEAN, PLEASE.
DID I DO SOMETHING
TO YOU?
YOU'RE HERE.
KIM.
I HAVE AS MUCH RIGHT
TO BE HERE AS YOU DO.
I HAVE AS MUCH RIGHT
TO BE HERE AS YOU DO.
HEY, BRAIN,
I SHOPLIFT
IN YOUR DADDY'S STORE.
YOU'RE JUST
SOME RICH KID
WHO'S TRYING
TO PISS OFF HER PARENTS.
YOU THINK YOU CAN
HANG WITH THESE GUYS?
YOU THINK THAT'S GONNA
MAKE YOU COOL?
YOU THINK THAT'S GONNA
MAKE YOU COOL?
I DON'T KNOW
WHAT TO TELL YOU.
I DON'T KNOW
WHAT TO TELL YOU.
YOU KNOW WHAT?
I'M SORRY.
LET'S BE FRIENDS.
LET'S BE FRIENDS.
HEY.
THERE. NOW WE'RE FRIENDS.
SEE YOU AT THE MALL.
WHAT ARE YOU,
ON YOUR PERIOD?
HEY, YOU WANNA HANG AROUND
WITH YOUR LITTLE
POSER FRIEND HERE
AND PRETEND WITH HER,
THAT'S YOUR WASTE OF TIME,
JUST KEEP HER
THE HELL AWAY FROM ME.
JUST KEEP HER
THE HELL AWAY FROM ME.
THAT IS EXACTLY WHY
I DON'T CARRY A PURSE.
[CLASS BELL RINGS]
I GOTTA GET
TO SHOP CLASS.
IT'S THE ONLY ONE
I CAN PASS.
HERE. I'M SORRY.
HERE. I'M SORRY.
DON'T YOU HAVE
TO GET TO CLASS, TOO?
OH. I'LL SURVIVE.
OH. I'LL SURVIVE.
THESE SHORTS AREN'T
VERY FLATTERING,
ARE THEY?
NO,
YOU LOOK GOOD.
THANKS.
THANKS.
HEY, HOW COME YOUR SISTER'S
DRESSING SO WEIRD NOW?
WHAT DO YOU MEAN?
I DON'T KNOW.
I MEAN, SHE'S BEEN
WEARING YOUR DAD'S
ARMY JACKET.
I DON'T KNOW.
SHE'S BEEN ACTING WEIRD
EVER SINCE OUR GRANDMA DIED.
[SLAM]
YOU'RE DEAD, WEIRD!
YOU'RE DEAD, WEIRD!
ALAN?
WHAT?
WHAT?
WHAT'S THE POINT
OF ALL THIS?
THE POINT?
THE POINT?
THE POINT IS,
YOU'RE DEAD, TOO...
"LITTLE MAN."
"LITTLE MAN."
I KIND OF WISH I DIDN'T
COME TO SCHOOL TODAY.
I KIND OF WISH I DIDN'T
COME TO SCHOOL TODAY.
HI. WOULD YOU, UH,
WOULD YOU COME TO
THE HOMECOMING
DANCE WITH ME?
WOULD YOU COME TO
THE HOMECOMING
DANCE WITH ME?
UM, I WOULD,
BUT, UM,
I ALREADY
HAVE A DATE,
SO I CAN'T.
SORRY.
WILL YOU GO TO
HOMECOMING DANCE
WITH ME?
[LAUGHING]
ELI.
WHAT?
THERE'S A BEE
ON YOUR BOOK.
WHERE?
OH, I'LL GET IT.
[BOOK DROPS]
WHAT'S THE MATTER
WITH YOU?
YOU JERK.
I'M SORRY. DIDN'T MEAN
TO UPSET YOUR HUSBAND.
[LAUGHING]
OH, YEAH? WHAT IF HE
WAS MY HUSBAND?
THAT'D BE SOME KIND
OF JOKE TO YOU?
IT'S NO JOKE TO ME.
I THINK YOU TWO
MAKE A GOOD COUPLE.
YEAH?
MAYBE WE DO.
HEY, ELI.
DO YOU WANT TO GO TO
THE HOMECOMING DANCE
WITH ME?
YES. YES, I DO.
YEAH, PLEASE.
YEAH. I WILL GO.
GOOD.
GOOD.
COME ON, ELI.
COME ON, ELI.
[CLAP CLAP]
ALL RIGHT, FELLAS,
I JUST WANNA
LET YOU KNOW
THAT IN HONOR OF THE BIG
HOMECOMING GAME TOMORROW,
I'M GONNA GIVE YOU GUYS
THE DAY OFF.
I'M GONNA GIVE YOU GUYS
THE DAY OFF.
CAN WE GO HOME?
SCHWEIBER, DON'T BE
AN IDIOT, ALL RIGHT?
I MEAN, WE'RE GONNA
DO SOMETHING FUN.
I'M GONNA
LET YOU GUYS...
PLAY DODGE BALL.
YEAH!
YEAH!
YEAH!
[SIGH]
OH, MAN.
OH, NO.
OH, NO.
OH, MY GOD!
Coach: ALL RIGHT.
COME ON, GUYS,
LET'S GO.
COME ON, GUYS,
LET'S GO.
WOULD SOMEBODY
PLEASE TELL ME
WHAT'S SUPPOSED
TO BE FUN ABOUT THIS?
IF WE JUST LET
OURSELVES GET HIT,
THEN WE CAN GET OUT.
LET'S JUST PRETEND
TO GET HIT.
NOBODY'D KNOW.
I DON'T THINK
WE CAN.
LADIES, PUT DOWN
THE MASCARA,
GET IN THERE,
AND PLAY. COME ON.
GET IN THERE,
AND PLAY. COME ON.
VERY NICE.
I CAN'T TAKE IT, MAN.
I GOTTA GET
OUT OF HERE.
LOOK! "LITTLE MAN'S"
MAKING A RUN FOR IT.
HEY, ONLY MY MOM'S
ALLOWED TO CALL ME THAT.
HEY, ONLY MY MOM'S
ALLOWED TO CALL ME THAT.
UH!
OHH!
OHH!
OW.
OH!
OK. NOW IT'S TIME
TO SMEAR WEIR.
SAM! GET AWAY
FROM ME!
WE NEED TO STICK
TOGETHER.
ARE YOU CRAZY?
HEY, KID!
OHH!
Fat kid: YEAH!
OH, MY GOD!
UHH!
[WHISTLE BLOWS]
YEAH!
SOLOMON. HEY, HEY.
HEY, THAT'S ILLEGAL.
YOU'RE OUT OF THERE.
ALL RIGHT, SCHWEIBER,
COME ON, WALK IT OFF.
ALL RIGHT, SCHWEIBER,
COME ON, WALK IT OFF.
SIT DOWN,
YOU KNUCKLEHEAD.
SIT DOWN,
YOU KNUCKLEHEAD.
THERE'S NOWHERE
TO HIDE, WEIRD.
KID, GET AWAY
FROM US.
THAT PSYCHO'S
AFTER YOU.
THAT PSYCHO'S
AFTER YOU.
Coach: PICK 'EM UP
AND THROW 'EM.
Coach: PICK 'EM UP
AND THROW 'EM.
THAT'S THE WAY.
NICE THROW, WUSS.
HE CAUGHT MY BALL.
I'M OUT.
HA HA! YEAH!
OHH!
OHH!
GO, TIM, GO!
GO, TIM, GO!
[CHEERING]
[CHEERING]
OH, MY GOD!
HA HA HA!
ALL RIGHT, WHITE,
TAKE A SEAT.
COME ON, WEIR,
THROW IT BACK.
CATCH IT. COME ON.
CATCH IT. COME ON.
DODGE BALL'S KIND OF
A STUPID GAME, ISN'T IT?
DODGE BALL'S KIND OF
A STUPID GAME, ISN'T IT?
YOU JUST SIGNED
YOUR DEATH WARRANT.
YOU JUST SIGNED
YOUR DEATH WARRANT.
MAN, THAT CHICK DIGS YOU,
I'M TELLING YOU.
SHE LIKES ME?
YES!
THAT'S REALLY
GREAT.
HEY, SO, ELI.
WHAT?
THAT JIMMY CARTER,
HE'S SOME PRESIDENT,
RIGHT?
HE'S BEEN DOING
A HELLUVA JOB.
OH, HE'S DOING
A HELLUVA JOB.
OH, HE'S DOING
A HELLUVA JOB.
HEY, BUT I GOTTA SAY,
I'M A LITTLE CONCERNED
ABOUT HIS HANDLING
OF THE ECONOMY.
I MEAN, AREN'T YOU?
I'M A LITTLE CONCERNED.
MAYBE.
MAYBE I'M A LITTLE...
I'M A LITTLE CONCERNED.
COME ON. COME ON, ELI.
GIVE HIM A BREAK.
LOOK WHAT HE'S DONE
IN THE MIDDLE EAST.
THE MIDDLE EAST.
THE MIDDLE...
THE MIDDLE
OF THE EAST.
I BET YOU'D MAKE
A GOOD PRESIDENT, ELI.
PRESIDENT ELI?
YEAH.
OK. PRESIDENT ELI!
PRESIDENT ELI!
HEY, YOU GUYS,
CUT IT OUT.
LEAVE HIM ALONE.
WHAT? WE'VE HAVING
A POLITICAL DISCUSSION HERE.
POLITICAL.
ELI, YOU DON'T HAVE
TO TALK TO THEM.
THEY'RE JUST
BEING MEAN.
NO. THEY'RE
MY BUDDIES.
THEY'RE
MY BUDDIES.
WE'RE HIS BUDDIES.
AIN'T THAT RIGHT,
MR. PRESIDENT?
NO, THEY'RE NOT, ELI.
I'M MAKING THEM LAUGH.
BUDDIES. I'M MAKING...
NOT THIS WAY.
THERE'S A GOOD KIND OF LAUGHING
AND A BAD KIND OF LAUGHING.
THIS IS BAD.
ELI, THEY'RE ONLY
LAUGHING AT YOU
BECAUSE YOU'RE RETARDED.
I'M NOT RETARDED.
I'M SPECIAL.
I'M NOT RETARDED.
I'M SPECIAL.
I'M SPECIAL.
ELI, YOU ARE SPECIAL.
I'M SORRY. I KNOW
YOU'RE SPECIAL.
THEY'RE BEING MEAN TO YOU.
I'M NOT RETARDED.
OK.
YOU'RE RETARDED!
I'M SORRY.
NO! NO!
I'M NOT RETARDED!
I AM SPECIAL!
I DON'T WANNA GO
TO DANCE WITH YOU!
I'M SORRY.
I'M SORRY.
[SCREAMING IN PAIN]
OH, MY GOD.
OH, MY GOD.
AND I'M THE MEAN ONE?
HOW DOES THAT WORK?
AND I'M THE MEAN ONE?
HOW DOES THAT WORK?
SO...WHAT'S GOING ON HERE?
ALL I--
I WAS TRYING TO
DO SOMETHING NICE
IN A STUPID SCHOOL
WHERE NOTHING NICE
EVER HAPPENS,
BUT INSTEAD ELI
BROKE HIS ARM AND...
NOW I FEEL
LIKE THE BIGGEST IDIOT
IN THE WORLD.
NO. WHY AREN'T YOU
TAKING PART
IN THE ACADEMIC DECATHLON?
WHAT?
WE NEED YOU.
YOU'RE OUR BEST MATH-LETE.
OH, GOD, PLEASE
DON'T SAY THAT WORD.
OH, GOD, PLEASE
DON'T SAY THAT WORD.
YOU HAVIN' SOME PROBLEMS
AT HOME?
NO, I'M NOT.
IS IT A BOY?
NO.
HEY, YOU CAN TELL ME.
I KNOW IT SEEMS SQUARE
TO ACTUALLY TALK TO
YOUR GUIDANCE COUNSELOR,
BUT I WAS A KID ONCE, TOO,
AND NOT THAT LONG AGO.
MR. ROSSO,
THERE'S NOTHING TO TELL.
TRUST ME.
OK.
OK.
I SEE THE PROBLEM HERE.
LET'S JUST RAP...
AS PEOPLE, OK?
NO PRESSURE.
FROM NOW ON,
I'M NOT "MR. ROSSO,
GUIDANCE COUNSELOR."
YOU'RE NOT?
NO.
I'M JUST JEFF,
YOUR FRIEND WHO CARES.
JEFF.
EXACTLY.
AND YOU'RE NOT "MS. WEIR,
HIGH SCHOOL STUDENT."
YOU'RE LINDSAY,
A GIRL WHO SEEMS
LIKE SHE NEEDS A FRIEND.
SO, COME ON, LINDS.
TALK TO YOUR BUDDY JEFF.
JEFF...
I'VE NEVER FELT BETTER
IN ALL MY LIFE.
WELL, THEN MAYBE SOMEONE
SHOULD TELL YOUR FACE.
[SIGHS]
[SIGHS]
AHH, YES,
INTERESTING PROBLEM.
FRESHMAN BULLIES.
HE'S OBVIOUSLY
ACTING OUT HIS INSECURITIES
IN A NEW ENVIRONMENT.
IF YOU CAN
DISCONNECT EMOTIONALLY,
IT'S REALLY QUITE SAD.
IN HIS OWN WAY, HE'S
REACHING OUT FOR A FRIEND.
NOT THAT YOU SHOULD
FEEL SORRY FOR HIM,
THOUGH.
HIS KIND
SHOULD BE DESTROYED.
SO WHAT DO WE DO?
I WOULD RECOMMEND
THE CRESSMAN CONUNDRUM.
WHAT THE HELL IS THAT?
TOM CRESSMAN--
MY FRESHMAN TORMENTOR.
THE IDEA WAS,
IF YOU FIGHT YOUR BULLY,
AFTERWARDS,
WHETHER YOU WIN OR LOSE,
THEY'LL TEND
TO LEAVE YOU ALONE.
DID IT WORK?
HE BROKE MY TAILBONE, BUT
THE RESULTS WERE EFFECTIVE.
HE GOT EXPELLED.
IT'S A GOOD PLAN.
IT'S A TERRIBLE PLAN, OK?
I'M NOT FIGHTING ALAN.
HE'S NOT MY TORMENTOR.
I KNOW EVERY ROUTE
HE TAKES TO EACH CLASS,
AND I AVOID THOSE HALLS.
IT'S THAT SIMPLE.
START LEAVING
OUT THE JANITOR'S DOOR
LIKE I DO.
ARE YOU LOOKIN'
FOR A FIGHT, DORK?!
NO, SIR.
WELL, YOU'RE GONNA GET ONE!
UNH...
UNH...
TELL ME ABOUT THIS
STUPID CRESSMAN CONUNDRUM.
dd WHAT YOU GONNA DO
WHEN THE TIME COMES dd
dd AND YOU HAVE TO
EARN YOUR WAY? dd
dd WHAT WILL YOU... dd
HEY, ARE YOU, UH...
ARE YOU, UH, ARE YOU OK?
IS IT JUST ME OR DOES
THE WHOLE WORLD SUCK?
dd WHEN YOU'RE FINALLY
ON YOUR OWN dd
AFTER CLASS, YOU AND ME
ARE CUTTIN' OUTTA HERE.
CUTTING?
YEAH. YEAH!
I GOT SOMETHING
TO SHOW YOU THAT--
IT'S GONNA MAKE YOU
FEEL BETTER.
IT'S GONNA MAKE YOU
FEEL BETTER.
Film narrator: MOST
OF THE PROFESSIONS
ARE OCCU--
I GUESS THE FIRST THING
THAT WE GOTTA DO
IS GET HIM
ON THE GROUND.
HOW ARE WE
SUPPOSED TO DO THAT?
CUT HIS LEGS OFF?
SHOULD I WEAR
A CUP FOR THIS?
THAT'S BETWEEN
YOU AND YOUR GOD, BILL.
THAT'S BETWEEN
YOU AND YOUR GOD, BILL.
HEY, GEEK.
HEY, GEEK.
YOU GOT A PROBLEM?
YOU GOT A PROBLEM?
UH...NO. I WAS...
I WAS JUST LOOKING
AT A FRIEND OF MINE.
ARE YOU TELLING ME
THAT I LOOK LIKE
A FRIEND OF YOURS?
HEY, KIM,
I THINK HE LIKES YOU.
HEY, KIM,
I THINK HE LIKES YOU.
IS THAT TRUE?
DO YOU LIKE ME?
DO YOU LOVE ME?
DO YOU LOVE ME?
UH...I LIKE YOU
LIKE A FRIEND.
I DON'T THINK SO.
I THINK YOU LIKE ME
LIKE ME.
I THINK YOU
WANT TO KISS ME.
DO YOU
WANT TO KISS ME?
DO YOU
WANT TO KISS ME?
UH, I DON'T KNOW.
COME ON.
JUST ONE LITTLE KISS.
I'LL BE YOUR GIRLFRIEND.
I'LL BE YOUR GIRLFRIEND.
[SLAM]
IN YOUR DREAMS, GEEK.
IN YOUR DREAMS, GEEK.
MAYBE WE SHOULD GET HER
TO BEAT UP ALAN.
MAYBE WE SHOULD GET HER
TO BEAT UP ALAN.
GO.
GO.
GO.
EH HEH...
WAIT FOR ME, MAN.
WAIT FOR ME, MAN.
BE PREPARED TO
HAVE YOUR MIND BLOWN.
BE PREPARED TO
HAVE YOUR MIND BLOWN.
CHECK IT OUT, MAN.
THAT'S, UH, 14 MOUNTED TOMS,
8 FLOOR TOMS,
4 SPLASHES, 2 GONGS,
10 COWBELLS, 4 RIDES,
5 SNARES, MAN...
A ROTO-TOM RACK,
AND IT'S ALL MOUNTED
ON MY INFAMOUS
QUADRUPLE KICK DRUM SYSTEM.
6 MORE PIECES,
I'VE GOT A BIGGER KIT
THAN NEAL PEART FROM RUSH.
YEAH!
[CONFUSED]
THAT'S GREAT, NICK.
LOOK, THESE TEACHERS--
THESE TEACHERS WANT US
TO WORK, YA KNOW?
AND I SAY, "FINE. I'LL WORK,
BUT YOU'VE GOTTA
LET ME DO THE KIND OF WORK
THAT I WANNA DO."
AND FOR ME, LINDSAY, IT'S--
IT'S MY DRUM KIT, MAN.
THIS IS MY PASSION,
YA KNOW?
THIS IS--
THIS IS THE ESSENCE
OF WHO I AM NOW.
BUT BEFORE I HAD THIS,
I WAS LOST, TOO.
YOU SEE WHAT I'M SAYIN'?
YOU NEED TO FIND YOUR REASON
FOR--FOR LIVING. I MEAN...
YOU GOTTA FIND YOUR BIG,
GIGANTIC DRUM KIT, YA KNOW?
YOU GOTTA FIND YOUR BIG,
GIGANTIC DRUM KIT, YA KNOW?
HEY, MAYBE
I'LL BUY A CLARINET.
YEAH.
YEAH.
IF YOU'RE NOT
GOING TO THE DANCE,
I THOUGHT YOU COULD
COME OVER TO MY HOUSE.
A BUNCH OF GUYS
WHO PLAY A GUITAR
ARE GONNA COME OVER.
WE'RE JUST, UH...
I DON'T KNOW.
WE'RE GONNA TRY PLAYING
DARK SIDE OF THE MOON
OR SOMETHIN'.
JUST TELL YOUR DAD
YOU WENT.
I CAN'T LIE TO MY DAD.
REALLY?
REALLY?
YEAH.
OK.
WHY DON'T YOU
TELL YOUR DAD
THAT YOU GOT A DATE?
NO. LISTEN...
I'LL PUT ON A SUIT,
ALL RIGHT?
I'LL COME PICK YOU UP,
TALK NICE TO YOUR DAD,
AND THEN I'LL TAKE YOU
TO THE SCHOOL,
AND WE CAN WALK UP TO
THE DOOR OF THE DANCE,
AND THEN
WE CAN TAKE OFF.
THAT WAY YOU CAN TELL
YOUR DAD YOU WENT.
YOU WOULDN'T BE LYIN'.
YOU'D REALLY DO THAT?
YOU'D REALLY DO THAT?
ABSOLUTELY.
[CAR HORN HONKS]
AHEM.
[ROCK MUSIC PLAYING
ON STEREO]
[ROCK MUSIC PLAYING
ON STEREO]
HELLO THERE!
HELLO, JEFF.
GUESS WHO'S IN TROUBLE?
GUESS WHO'S IN TROUBLE?
HERE'S THE DEAL:
IF YOU TAKE PART IN
THE ACADEMIC DECATHLON,
I'LL FORGET THIS
EVER HAPPENED.
YOU'RE FORCING ME
TO BE A MATH-LETE?
THAT IS SO NOT FAIR.
THE WORLD IS NOT
BLACK AND WHITE.
IT'S GRAY.
AND I REALLY THINK
IT'D BE GOOD FOR YOU.
JEFF...
I REALLY CAN'T DO THAT.
I REALLY CAN'T DO THAT.
FINE,MS. WEIR.
THEN MAYBE IT'S TIME
FOR SOME TOUGH LOVE.
HOW ABOUT I, UH,
CALL YOUR PARENTS,
AND I LET THEM KNOW
THAT THEIR DAUGHTER'S
TURNING INTO A BURNOUT
WHO SKIPS CLASS?
NO.
AND YOU KNOW WHAT?
I CAN'T MAKE YOU
BE A MATH-LETE,
BUT I CAN MAKE YOU WORK
THE REFRESHMENT TABLE
AT THE HOMECOMING DANCE.
I'LL SEE YA SATURDAY
AT 7:00.
Harold: YOU KNOW
WHO USED TO CUT CLASS?
JIMI HENDRIX.
YOU KNOW
WHAT HAPPENED TO HIM?
HE DIED, CHOKING
ON HIS OWN VOMIT.
DADDY,
I SKIPPED LATIN.
OH, WELL, I CAN UNDERSTAND
WHY YOU WOULDN'T WANT TO
LEARN ABOUT THAT.
IT'S ONLY THE BUILDING BLOCK
OF OUR LANGUAGE.
WELL, I'M JUST GLAD
YOUR GRANDMOTHER
WASN'T ALIVE
TO HEAR ABOUT THIS.
YOU CAN'T CUT CORNERS
IN LIFE!
YOU KNOW WHO CUT CORNERS?
KENNEDY.
KENNEDY CUT CORNERS
WHEN HE WAS RUNNING
THE BAY OF PIGS.
A LOT OF GOOD MEN
LOST THEIR LIVES
BECAUSE OF IT.
YOU KNOW WHO ELSE
CUT CORNERS?
JANIS JOPLIN.
DAD!
WHAT ARE YOU
TALKING ABOUT?
YOU DON'T
MAKE ANY SENSE!
I JUST CUT CLASS,
AND, GUESS WHAT?
EVERYBODY'S STILL ALIVE.
JUST LEAVE ME ALONE!
JUST LEAVE ME ALONE!
[DOOR SLAMS]
[DOOR SLAMS]
YOU UNDERSTAND
WHAT I'M SAYING,
DON'T YA, SAM?
YOU UNDERSTAND
WHAT I'M SAYING,
DON'T YA, SAM?
Y-YEAH.
GOOD.
PASS THE ROLLS.
PASS THE ROLLS.
[KNOCK ON DOOR]
[DOOR OPENS]
[DOOR OPENS]
UM...DO YOU WANT ME TO COME--
CAN I COME IN?
UM...DO YOU WANT ME TO COME--
CAN I COME IN?
DO YOU THINK THAT
ME, NEAL, AND BILL
COULD BEAT UP ALAN?
DO YOU THINK THAT
ME, NEAL, AND BILL
COULD BEAT UP ALAN?
JUST ALAN?
YEAH.
ALAN AND HIS BUDDIES?
MMM...NO TO MAYBE.
YEAH. THAT'S
WHAT I THOUGHT.
YEAH. THAT'S
WHAT I THOUGHT.
UM, WHY ARE YOU
THROWING YOUR LIFE AWAY?
UM, WHY ARE YOU
THROWING YOUR LIFE AWAY?
DID DAD TELL YOU
TO ASK ME THAT?
NO.
MILLIE DID.
AHH...
THAT FIGURES.
FORGET IT.
YOU KNOW, TELL HER TO
MIND HER OWN BUSINESS.
YOU KNOW, TELL HER TO
MIND HER OWN BUSINESS.
YOU KNOW, JUST BECAUSE
SHE ASKED ME TO ASK YOU
DOESN'T MEAN I WAS GONNA
TELL HER WHAT YOU SAID.
DOESN'T MEAN I WAS GONNA
TELL HER WHAT YOU SAID.
SAM?
SAM?
DID MOM AND DAD
EVER TELL YOU
THAT I WAS THE ONLY ONE
WITH GRANDMA
WHEN SHE DIED?
THAT I WAS THE ONLY ONE
WITH GRANDMA
WHEN SHE DIED?
NO.
NO.
YEAH.
YEAH.
I WENT DOWN
TO THE CAFETERIA
TO GET SOME COFFEE...
AND ALL OF A SUDDEN,
GRANDMA LOOKED SO
TERRIFIED.
I DIDN'T KNOW
WHAT TO DO.
[SIGHS]
SHE GRABBED MY HAND
AND TOLD ME SHE
DIDN'T WANT TO GO.
SHE LOOKED SO SCARED,
SAM.
SO I SAID,
"WELL, YOU KNOW,
CAN YOU SEE GOD
OR HEAVEN OR A LIGHT
OR ANYTHING?"
WHAT DID SHE SAY?
"NO.
THERE'S NOTHING."
THERE'S NOTHING."
SHE WAS A GOOD PERSON
ALL HER LIFE,
AND THAT'S WHAT SHE GOT.
SHE WAS A GOOD PERSON
ALL HER LIFE,
AND THAT'S WHAT SHE GOT.
SO...
YOU DO THINK THAT
WE COULD BEAT UP ALAN?
YOU DO THINK THAT
WE COULD BEAT UP ALAN?
YEAH.
YEAH.
HE'S A GONER.
HE'S A GONER.
dd OH, MAMA,
I'M IN FEAR FOR MY LIFE dd
dd FROM THE LONG ARM
OF THE LAW dd
dd FROM THE LONG ARM
OF THE LAW dd
dd LAWMAN HAS PUT AN END
TO MY RUNNIN' dd
dd AND I'M SO FAR
FROM MY HOME dd
dd AND I'M SO FAR
FROM MY HOME dd
dd OH, MAMA,
I CAN HEAR YOU A-CRYIN' dd
dd YOU'RE SO SCARED... dd
OH, MAN, WHERE'S SAM?
IT'S ALMOST 3:00.
ALAN'S GONNA BE HERE.
I'LL BET
HE FORGOT HIS MATH BOOK.
I'M SURE HE'S COMING.
ALL RIGHT.
COLIN!
YOU CAME TO HELP US?
NO WAY. I JUST
CAME TO WATCH.
IT SHOULD
BE EXCITING.
UH, BECAUSE WE'RE GONNA WIN?
EITHER WAY.
OH, MAN, WHERE'S SAM?
OH, MAN, WHERE'S SAM?
SAM.
I CAN'T TALK.
GOTTA FIGHT ALAN.
I CAN'T TALK.
GOTTA FIGHT ALAN.
HI, SAM.
HI, SAM.
OH, HI, CINDY.
WHERE'S SAM? IT'S 3:00.
OH, OK.
SO NOW
DON'T LET ALAN
HIT ANY OF YOUR
PRESSURE POINTS
BECAUSE
IF HE DOES,
YOU'RE NOT GONNA
FEEL ANYTHING,
BUT YOU'LL
DROP DEAD
IN 3 DAYS.
BUT YOU'LL
DROP DEAD
IN 3 DAYS.
OH, MAN, MY STOMACH HURTS.
BILL, YOU'LL BE FINE.
NO, IT REALLY HURTS.
I THINK I SHOULD GO HOME.
THIS IS HOW HOUDINI DIED.
OH, YOU SHOULD
ALWAYS GUARD YOUR FACE
BECAUSE IF THE OTHER GUY
HITS YOU IN THE NOSE,
IT COULD
DRIVE THE NOSE BONE
INTO YOUR BRAIN.
THEN YOU'LL RELEASE
YOUR BOWELS AND DIE.
SHUT UP, WOULD YA?
NO. HE'S RIGHT.
THERE ARE A LOT OF WAYS
TO DIE IN A FIGHT.
MAYBE WE
SHOULD PUT THIS OFF.
HEY, THERE'S SAM.
SAM!
SAM!
SAM!
STOP IT.
STOP IT, YOU MORON.
THAT'S NOT SAM.
IT'S ALAN.
WHAT?
SO, UM, WHAT
ARE YOU DOIN'
JUST GOIN' HOME.
HOW ABOUT YOU?
I'M CHEERING
AT THE GAME.
OH.
WELL...
YOU'RE DRESSED FOR IT.
HA HA HA!
WHAT ARE YOU LOSERS
DOIN' ON MY STREET?
NOTHING.
WE'RE KIND OF HERE
TO BEAT YOU UP.
BILL!
WELL, WE ARE.
ARE YOU?
HE'S JUST--
HE'S KIDDING.
I'M NOT TALKIN'
TO YOU, DORK!
HEH HEH.
HEH HEH. WHAT
ARE YOU LAUGHIN' AT,
PINHEAD?
OH, I'M JUST HERE TO WATCH.
OH, REALLY?
WELL, WATCH THIS.
WELL, WATCH THIS.
AH!
AH!
YOU ARE SO DEAD.
AH!
AH!
WELL, UM, I GOTTA
GET OUT THERE.
I'LL SEE YA.
ALL RIGHT. SEE YA.
ALL RIGHT. SEE YA.
HEY, CINDY?
YEAH?
YEAH?
I WAS WONDERING, UM...
I WAS WONDERING, UM...
DO, UH...
DO, UH...
YOU WANNA PIECE OF ME?
I'LL KILL YOU!
BRING IT ON.
BRING IT ON.
UM...
UM...
DO YOU WANNA GO TO
THE HOMECOMING DANCE
WITH ME?
WELL, I'M ALREADY GOING
WITH DAN LEWIS.
HE ASKED ME 2 WEEKS AGO.
HE ASKED ME 2 WEEKS AGO.
OH, OK. I MEAN...YEAH.
I JUST
THOUGHT I WOULD ASK
JUST IN CASE YOU
DIDN'T HAVE ANYONE
TO GO WITH.
WELL, UM...
I GOTTA GET OUT THERE,
SO I'LL SEE YA.
OH, IF YOU'RE THERE,
I'LL SAVE A DANCE FOR YOU.
OK.
OK.
SEE YA.
SEE YA.
THAT COULD BE GOOD.
THAT COULD BE GOOD.
[SIGHS]
[SIGHS]
GET OFF ME, YOU PSYCHOS!
UNH! AH!
YOU RIPPED MY SHIRT.
YOU'RE GONNA BUY ME
A NEW SHIRT!
YOU GUYS ARE ALL DEAD, MAN!
REALLY DEAD!
YOU GUYS ARE ALL DEAD, MAN!
REALLY DEAD!
I GOT PUNCHED
IN THE NOSE, BUT--
BUT I'M STILL ALIVE.
I GUESS THE NOSE BONE
MUST HAVE MISSED
MY BRAIN.
YEAH. MY STOMACH
DOESN'T HURT ANYMORE.
MINE DOES.
MINE DOES.
DID YOU SEE ME?
I WAS
TAUNTING HIM.
HE WAS
TERRIFIED.
DID YOU SEE ME?
I HAD HIS ARMS.
TOTALLY SHUT HIM DOWN.
I HAD HIS SHOES.
I HAD HIS SHOES.
WAIT A MINUTE.
YOU GUYS FOUGHT ALAN?
NO. WE GOT HIT
BY A CAR.
LISTEN, I'M SO SORRY.
I WAS TALKIN' TO CINDY.
YOU REALLY STOOD UP FOR ME.
YOU SHOULD SEE
HOW HE LOOKS.
WE TORE HIS SHIRT.
YEAH.
SO WHAT'D
SHE SAY?
SHE'S GOT A DATE.
SHE'S SAVING A DANCE
FOR ME.
SO YOU'RE GOIN'.
YEAH.
YOU'VE GOTTA
SLOWDANCE.
YEAH.
DEFINITELY SLOW.
THANKS.
YOU KNOW, I'LL BE THERE
THE NEXT TIME.
OH, GOD,
I HOPE THERE'S
NOT A NEXT TIME.
[STYX'COME SAIL AWAY
PLAYS]
[STYX'COME SAIL AWAY
PLAYS]
dd I'M dd
dd SAILING AWAY dd
dd SAILING AWAY dd
dd SET AN OPEN COURSE dd
dd FOR THE VIRGIN SEA... dd
LOOK, UH, I KNOW
YOU'RE NOT HAPPY
ABOUT THIS,
BUT DON'T MAKE ME
THE BAD GUY HERE.
dd GOT TO BE FREE dd
IF THE WORST THING
IN YOUR LIFE
IS SOMEBODY MAKES
YOU GO TO A DANCE,
THEN I'D SAY
YOU HAVE A PRETTY
GOOD LIFE.
dd THAT'S AHEAD OF ME dd
dd THAT'S AHEAD OF ME dd
d
dd ON BOARD, I'M A CAPTAIN d
dd SO CLIMB ABOARD dd
dd WE'LL SEARCH FOR TOMORROW dd
dd ON EVERY SHORE dd
dd AND I'LL TRY dd
dd OH, LORD, I'LL TRY dd
dd OH, LORD, I'LL TRY dd
dd TO CARRY ON dd
dd TO CARRY ON dd
dd I LOOK TO THE SEA... dd
HI, CINDY.
HEY, SAM.
I WAS WONDERING, UM...
YOU SAID YOU'D SAVE
A DANCE FOR ME,
SO CAN I HAVE IT NOW?
dd SOME HAPPY, SOME SAD dd
I MEAN,
IF YOU'RE NOT BUSY?
I'M NOT BUSY.
dd OF CHILDHOOD FRIENDS dd
dd AND THE DREAMS WE HAD dd
dd AND THE DREAMS WE HAD dd
dd
dd WE LIVED HAPPILY FOREVER
dd SO THE STORY GOES dd
dd BUT SOMEHOW
WE MISSED OUT dd
dd ON THE POT OF GOLD dd
dd BUT WE'LL TRY dd
dd BEST THAT WE CAN dd
dd TO CARRY ON dd
[TEMPO OF SONG PICKS UP]
[TEMPO OF SONG PICKS UP]
COME ON, SAM.
COME ON, SAM.
dd A GATHERING OF ANGELS dd
dd APPEARED ABOVE MY HEAD dd
dd THEY SANG TO ME
THIS SONG OF HOPE dd
dd AND THIS IS WHAT THEY SAID dd
dd THEY SAID dd
dd COME SAIL AWAY dd
dd COME SAIL AWAY dd
dd COME SAIL AWAY
WITH ME, LADS dd
dd COME SAIL AWAY dd
dd COME SAIL AWAY dd
dd COME SAIL AWAY WITH ME dd
dd COME SAIL AWAY dd
dd COME SAIL AWAY... dd
WHAT ARE YOU
THINKING ABOUT, LINDSAY?
I THINK I'M GONNA
DANCE WITH ELI.
I'LL BE RIGHT BACK,
JEFF.
UH, LINDS?
MAYBE YOU SHOULD START
CALLING ME MR. ROSSO
AGAIN.
MAYBE YOU SHOULD START
CALLING ME MR. ROSSO
AGAIN.
dd I THOUGHT THAT
THEY WERE ANGELS dd
dd BUT TO MY SURPRISE dd
Y CLIMBED ABOARD
THEIR STARSHIP ddRISE dd THE
d
dd WE HEADED FOR THE SKIES d
dd COME SAIL AWAY dd
dd COME SAIL AWAY dd
NOW, THAT'S
THE PERFECT COUPLE.
I MEAN, THEY GOT
SOME CHEMISTRY--OW!
SHUT UP!
WHAT DID I DO?
dd SAIL AWAY WITH ME dd
dd COME SAIL AWAY dd
dd COME SAIL AWAY dd
dd COME SAIL AWAY WITH ME dd
dd COME SAIL AWAY dd
dd COME SAIL AWAY dd
dd COME SAIL AWAY WITH ME dd
dd COME SAIL AWAY dd
dd COME SAIL AWAY dd
dd COME SAIL AWAY WITH ME dd
dd COME SAIL AWAY dd
dd COME SAIL AWAY dd
dd COME SAIL AWAY WITH ME dd
dd COME SAIL AWAY dd
dd COME SAIL AWAY dd
dd COME SAIL AWAY WITH ME dd
dd COME SAIL AWAY WITH ME dd
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