Frasier (1993–2004): Season 9, Episode 4 - The Return of Martin Crane - full transcript
Martin is about to start a new job as a security guard, and the occasion dredges up memories of the fateful day years ago when he was shot. These memories appear in flashback: while out on patrol with his partner Frank, he pleads with Martin to pull into a convenience store so he could get a slushie. Martin ultimately gives in and pulls into the parking lot of a store that was being robbed. Martin got shot and his shooter got away. Frasier has ordered a special congratulatory cake, which Roz delivers. Meanwhile, Niles has bought Daphne tickets to a Billy Joel concert for that evening, and she has bought him tickets to a festival of Mongolian throat-singing, also for that evening. This means they have to decide which to attend, so Niles offers Frasier the tickets to the throat-singing concert. Martin then points out that someone has to walk Eddie at 10 p.m, so as he prepares to leave for work, the others discuss (and argue) who should do this job. When Roz arrives with the cake, she finds herself drawn into the argument.
We have Tom on the
phone from Woodenville.
Hello, Tom. I'm listening.
Thank God, I thought
I'd never get through.
Dr. Crane, I have a problem,
I don't know what to do.
I'm supposed to
get married soon,
but, I'm having second thoughts.
D-do you think it's
just cold feet, or what?
All right, Tom,
just-just calm down.
Let's work through this
thing together, you and I.
Are you in love with this girl?
Of course, yes, I think.
Now, remember, Tom.
This is the person with
whom you'll be spending
the rest of your life...
That is a long time.
It is, isn't it?
Ah, yes.
In fact, getting
married is probably
the biggest decision you
will ever make in your life.
It requires time,
temperance and thought.
Tom, what's that music?
Sorry, Dr. Crane,
no time to talk...
I have to tell Monica
the bad news.
W-wait, wait, Tom, no!
Oh, dear.
Well, if anyone out there
happens to know Monica,
just tell her to
call in on Monday
and I'll move her right to
the head of the line, um...
Meanwhile, this is
Dr. Frasier Crane saying
good day and good mental health.
Please, Roz. No way!
Come on, I wouldn't
be asking you
if it wasn't an
emergency. Emergency?
Is everything okay?
Yeah, fine, good,
everything's good.
I'm supposed to stop on the
way home and pick up some new...
underthings for my wife.
So?
So? Every time I'm
in one of those places,
I start thinking about...
you know...
Man and wife stuff.
I turn all red, I start
to sweat, I hyperventilate.
Try getting somebody
to wait on you
when you look like that.
Well, sorry, Kenny,
but I am not going to
Victoria's Secret for you.
Victoria's Secret?
Whoa, whoa, Rockefeller...
I'm talking K-Mart.
No.
Before you say no,
let me remind you that
employee evaluation season's...
Kenny... Roz Doyle is no
gofer... she is a producer.
And if she should
earn a promotion...
Which she richly deserves...
It will be based upon
her merits as a producer.
Fine.
I'll go myself.
Why do they have to make
those mannequins so damn sexy?
Dr. Crane? Yes?
Your cake's ready.
Oh, splendid!
Well, let's just have
a look here, hmm?
"Congrats."
It's supposed to say
"Congratulations, Dad."
There wasn't room.
Wh...
People have written
the Declaration of Independence
on a grain of rice.
Not with frosting.
Listen, my father's starting
a new job this evening.
This cake is meant to
show him how proud we are,
how much we care, and that
we believe in him, all right?
It has to be special.
If it was so special, how come
you ordered the smallest one?
We were also having ice
cream, if you must know.
Fine.
You can pick it up in
half an hour. Thank you.
Ooh! Wait! I haven't
got half an hour to...
Roz...
You want me to pick up the cake?
Oh, bless you! And, and
listen, could you pick up
some ice cream on
your way over, too?
Sure.
That's a love. Bye!
Hello, honey.
Mmm...
I have a surprise for you.
I have a surprise for you, too.
Oh, my God, tickets
to the Billy Joel concert!
Tickets to the Mongolian
Music Festival?
That's four solid
hours of throat singing!
Oh, how in the world
did you get these?
Oh, well, I know a guy
who knows a guy who...
has a friend who was
able to pull a few strings.
How did you get these?
I called the box office. Oh!
Oh, thank you so much.
No, no, thank you.
When is it?
Tonight.
Oh...
Oh. Wow.
So, um, which one
shall we attend?
Well,
it's always been a dream of mine
to see Billy Joel live.
Yes.
But has it been
a life-long dream
like my dream of seeing
Mongolian throat singers?
Yes, but didn't we just
do a "you" thing last week
when we went to the opera?
Yes. Mm.
But you're forgetting
that the next night
we rented Mrs. Doubtfire,
which was definitely
a "you" movie.
Except they didn't have
it, so we rented Tampopo,
which I believe we
found in the "you" section.
And we listened to NPR on the
way there and on the way back...
Don't think I
didn't notice that.
All right, perhaps I have
been a bit piggish lately.
We'll see Billy Joel.
But-but-but I am not
going in any mosh pit.
Okay!
Wow, look at you,
Mr. Security Guard.
Yes, beware, criminals...
Martin Crane is
back on the streets.
Actually, Martin Crane
is sitting on his butt
in a fancy lobby, staring
at a bunch of monitors.
Oh...
Daph, are any of
these navy blue?
I.. I can help you
with that, Dad.
Daphne, would you... would
you get us some coffee?
Sure.
Dad, uh, are you, uh,
you ready for all this,
you know, going back to work?
Niles, we talked about this.
It's only three nights a week.
Oh, I know, I know, but, uh...
You're going through
your old routine...
putting on the badge,
going back on duty.
You're even going to be working
with some of your old
friends from the force.
Just be aware, it might
bring up buried memories.
Like what?
Well, the last time you worked,
some crazy person
pointed a uh, a, uh...
at you, and, uh...
you were almost, uh...
You-you you
ended up in the, uh...
the, uh, the, uh...
Well, you could've, uh...
you could've, uh...
you could've actually...
But, well, I just, I...
Probably you're going
to have a lot of issues.
Well, thanks for
being concerned, Niles,
but, trust me, I don't
have any buried memories.
I remember every
detail of that day.
Frank and I were near
the end of our shift.
He wanted to get a drink.
I said no, but he was thirsty.
So we go to a convenience store.
There was a
robbery in progress...
I got shot.
It was a hell of a thing.
Sure was.
Well, I got to get going.
A few of the guys are
taking me out for dinner
before my first shift.
Oh, uh, Dad, you
can't leave yet.
We're having a
little send-off party.
Frasier's on his
way with the cake.
Here's your coffee, Mr. Crane.
Thanks, Daph.
Here's your coffee, Marty.
Thanks, doll.
You going to carry
that fish around all day?
Hey. He has a name.
That's "Eddie."
Why don't you get
yourself a real pet?
You know, like a... like a dog?
Ah, I'm not really a dog person.
I just wanted someone in the
family I could get along with.
Did I tell you,
Frasier's not coming
home for Thanksgiving?
Yeah, you did.
And have I told you about
my weekly Sunday brunch
with Niles and Maris?
Yeah, you have.
Well, I'd rather be at church.
Get more to eat.
Hey, speaking of Niles,
isn't that him?
Hey, Niles.
Take a load off.
What's up?
You know very well what's up.
Maris just called me.
You booted her car.
Oh, yeah, I remember
having a car booted earlier
it was parked kind
of close to a hydrant.
Was that hers?
The license plate says "Maris."
It's a very common
name, right, Frank?
My mother's name is Maris.
Dad, Maris is very
upset, and so am I.
I can't believe you booted her.
Hey, I wouldn't be
upset if you booted her.
Come on, Niles, she's loaded.
She'll probably just ditch
it and go buy another one.
That's not the point. I think
you owe her an apology.
Good day... Frank.
You booted a car
just to irritate your kid?
Oh, that's a lot of trouble.
No, the real trouble
was getting four guys
to pick it up and move
it closer to the hydrant.
Here you are.
Oh, thanks.
Honey, get a picture of
your father with his thermos.
Oh, enough with the pictures!
People didn't
make this much fuss
when I shipped off to Korea.
Well, Dad. Very snappy.
Uh-huh. Where's the cake?
Roz'll be bringing
it by in a minute.
Hey, Frasier, if
you're interested,
I have two tickets to
tonight's throat singing concert.
Don't toy with me, Niles!
What the hell is throat singing?
Oh, Dad, it's an
extraordinary technique
when a single vocalist
can actually produce
two distinct tones
simultaneously,
allowing him to
harmonize with himself.
Kind of like the
Everly Brothers.
If they shared a throat and
came from Mongolia, yes.
Niles, why aren't you going?
He's taking me
to see Billy Joel.
Billy Joel?
He's the "Piano Man."
Well, seeing as how
you're otherwise occupied,
I guess I'll try to just
wrangle myself a date.
Wait, wait a minute,
who's going to walk Eddie?
I told you he has to be
walked every night at 10:00.
Yes, yes, of course,
Dad, of course, Dad.
Uh, well, you know,
customarily, this would fall
under the description
of Daphne's job.
Customarily,
Dr. Crane, it's not my job.
I do it as a favor
for your father.
Will you do it as
a favor for me?
No.
You know, Frasier,
you could catch
the first two hours
of throat singing and still
get back in time to walk Eddie.
Oh, Niles...
You know damn well their throats
are just starting to
warm up after two hours!
Well, I'm not
missing Billy Joel.
Gee, I hate to put
you all out like this.
Dad, I'm sorry.
Don't worry, we'll-we'll
work this out, I promise.
Say, what about that
nice Mrs. Kurtzman
who lives right across the hall?
She's 94... someone
comes to walk her every day.
There's got to be somebody
on God's green earth
that can walk this dog.
Roz! Roz! Roz!
Hi. Cake's here.
Yes, you know, Roz,
we were just talking about you.
Say, listen, are you...
Are you busy this evening?
No.
Oh, that's terrific news.
Well, then you
won't mind coming by
and walking Eddie about 10:00?
Forget it, Frasier.
I am not your assistant,
I am a producer.
A producer doesn't give up
her evenings to walk a dog.
Would a senior
producer walk a dog?
Well...
someone has got to
walk this damn dog.
All right, that's enough.
You all said you'd be
supportive if I went back to work.
Dad... We are supportive...
Yeah, for the first
two or three seconds
until it gets inconvenient
and then all you
think about is yourself.
Now, if you'll excuse me,
I'm not in the party mood.
What do you want?
It's me, Roz.
Oh, come on in.
Are you people insane?
How can paper beat a rock?
Well, I'm really looking forward
to getting out of the house.
Well, I didn't want you to go
before I had a
chance to give you this.
Oh, you didn't have to do that.
Oh, a tie pin!
Oh, look at the
little handcuffs.
Well, we don't want
that tie to escape.
Thanks, Roz.
So, it's a big day,
isn't it? Mm-hmm.
You feeling good?
Oh, I feel better than that.
I feel... useful.
It's been a long time.
You know, when I was a cop,
we used to make
fun of security guards.
I guess now I'm going to have
to make fun of crossing guards.
Who do crossing
guards make fun of?
I don't know.
Uh, kids, I guess.
Hello.
Oh, hey, Frank.
Yup, I got my W-4.
Uh, listen, uh, I want
to thank you again
for getting me in.
You know, I know you had to push
what with my hip and all, and...
Well, I'm just
thanking you again.
That's all. That's not mushy.
Huh?
Oh, that's too bad.
Okay, well, maybe next time.
Bye.
What's too bad?
Well, a bunch of us
are going out for dinner,
but one guy can't make it.
Evidently
he got called to check
on a possible
perv at the K-Mart.
I got to tell you, Roz.
Hanging out with a
bunch of guys again is...
Well, it's something
I've really missed.
Oh.
Well, I am happy
for you, Martin.
Thanks, Roz.
Let's just all leave now
and then Roz will
have to walk him.
Hey!
Hey, Marty, we've
got a Code Nine
over here on the right.
Are you blind?
She's a Code Seven at best.
Oh. Am I mistaken
or is she swerving?
I'm not pulling her over, Frank.
The last time we did that,
you ended up in divorce court.
Ah.
Did I tell you
Frasier's not coming
home for Thanksgiving.
Yeah, you did.
That means I'll have to
spend it with Maris and Niles.
Last time, she didn't
even eat anything.
She just sucked air
through a rice cake.
Boy, he sure picked a winner.
Marty, you sound
like a broken record.
You know, I get it.
You can't stand your kids.
No! No, no.
They can't stand me.
Well, maybe you've
got to be the one
that takes the first step.
You know, reach out.
And most importantly, listen.
Not just with your
ears, but with your heart.
What the hell are
you talking about?
I'm seeing a court-appointed
family therapist.
I have to admit, it's only
been a few sessions, but...
she is hot!
You've come a long way.
I think it's making me
a better dad, you know.
I'm getting involved
with their school stuff.
I talk to them at
the end of the day.
I make sure I kiss them
good-bye before I go to work.
Hmm.
You really do that?
Yup.
According to Dr. Hottie,
you have to make an effort.
You know what I should do?
What?
I ought to just call
Frasier out of the blue
and see how he's doing.
Niles, too.
They'd probably think I
was dying or something.
You should.
Yeah.
That's what I'm going to do.
I'll do it tonight
when I get home.
Good for you, Marty.
Hey, can we stop?
I need to get another slushie.
You just got that one.
I got rinds in it.
All right, but I'll
go in and get it.
You stay here and
clean this mess up.
Good news, Dad.
We worked it out.
You did?
Yes. Listen, Dad, I'm sorry.
I hope our little tiff
didn't spoil the occasion.
We're all so proud of you.
I want you to know that.
Thanks, son. So
who's walking Eddie?
I am. I figure if I just
take him out right now
I still have time to
make it to the concert
and he'll be okay until I
come back around midnight.
I told you he's got to
be walked around 10:00.
That's his routine.
Well, can't his routine
just bend a little?
Fine, then I hope
your Berber carpet
is waterproof.
What's wrong?
Apparently, His
Nibs will explode
if he doesn't go
out around 10:00.
Okay, okay, okay, okay.
How's this?
I will stay and walk Eddie.
Really?
You just don't want
to see Billy Joel.
No, that is patently untrue.
I'm just trying to
help my father.
If he isn't going, can I?
Well, that would work perfectly.
But since you're free, Niles,
I've got this extra ticket
for the throat singing concert.
Oh?!
Well, then it's settled.
Eddie.
Oh, dear, all right, okay, okay.
We will work this out, Dad.
So what happens
when your nibs explode?
You should see it, Marty.
They're using
your rookie picture
on the news.
Oh, what's all the fuss about?
It's only my hip.
Ten bucks says I'll be back
on the job in a couple of weeks.
I just keep thinking, you
know, it should have been me.
Can I do anything to make you
more comfortable, Mr. Crane?
No, I'm fine, thanks.
Seriously, it should
have been me.
Hey, Frank.
Hello, Dad.
Niles.
How-how are you, uh...
How are you feeling?
I think I'm going to be fine.
Well, thank God.
Well, I'd better get going.
Oh, no!
No, no, hey, don't go on
my account. No, Frank.
Nah, you guys got plenty
of things to talk about.
Listen, I'll never drink
another slushie again.
Well, then it was worth it.
All right.
See you.
Oh.
I just got off the
phone with Frasier.
He is flying in.
Good.
Doc says I'll be out of
here in a couple of days.
Good.
They have a great staff here.
Oh.
I knew this was going
to happen some day.
Hey, it comes
with the territory.
I'll never understand how
you can take these risks.
No, you probably won't.
I'm sorry.
Visiting hours are over.
Um, thank you.
Well...
I'll be back tomorrow.
Okay.
All right, we're
running out of time.
I'll tell you what.
I will offer $100 to anyone
who is willing to walk this dog.
I'll kick in a hundred.
That's $200!
That's an awful lot of
money, isn't it, Niles?
It sure is, Frasier.
All just to walk a little dog.
Yes, mm-hmm.
I can't believe you'd
try to buy me off.
You, too! Ow! For God sake...
I'm leaving!
You misunderstood completely.
Shut up!
You ought to be ashamed.
I can't even depend
on my own kids.
But, Dad...
You two, come here.
We're sorry.
Frasier started it.
I'm going to work now.
I'll be home late.
Don't wait up.
♪ Hey, baby, I hear
the blues a'callin' ♪
♪ Tossed salads
and scrambled eggs ♪
♪ Oh, my ♪
♪ And maybe I
seem a bit confused ♪
♪ Well, maybe, but
I got you pegged ♪
♪ But I don't know what to do ♪
♪ With those tossed
salads and scrambled eggs ♪
♪ They're callin' again. ♪
Frasier has left the building.
phone from Woodenville.
Hello, Tom. I'm listening.
Thank God, I thought
I'd never get through.
Dr. Crane, I have a problem,
I don't know what to do.
I'm supposed to
get married soon,
but, I'm having second thoughts.
D-do you think it's
just cold feet, or what?
All right, Tom,
just-just calm down.
Let's work through this
thing together, you and I.
Are you in love with this girl?
Of course, yes, I think.
Now, remember, Tom.
This is the person with
whom you'll be spending
the rest of your life...
That is a long time.
It is, isn't it?
Ah, yes.
In fact, getting
married is probably
the biggest decision you
will ever make in your life.
It requires time,
temperance and thought.
Tom, what's that music?
Sorry, Dr. Crane,
no time to talk...
I have to tell Monica
the bad news.
W-wait, wait, Tom, no!
Oh, dear.
Well, if anyone out there
happens to know Monica,
just tell her to
call in on Monday
and I'll move her right to
the head of the line, um...
Meanwhile, this is
Dr. Frasier Crane saying
good day and good mental health.
Please, Roz. No way!
Come on, I wouldn't
be asking you
if it wasn't an
emergency. Emergency?
Is everything okay?
Yeah, fine, good,
everything's good.
I'm supposed to stop on the
way home and pick up some new...
underthings for my wife.
So?
So? Every time I'm
in one of those places,
I start thinking about...
you know...
Man and wife stuff.
I turn all red, I start
to sweat, I hyperventilate.
Try getting somebody
to wait on you
when you look like that.
Well, sorry, Kenny,
but I am not going to
Victoria's Secret for you.
Victoria's Secret?
Whoa, whoa, Rockefeller...
I'm talking K-Mart.
No.
Before you say no,
let me remind you that
employee evaluation season's...
Kenny... Roz Doyle is no
gofer... she is a producer.
And if she should
earn a promotion...
Which she richly deserves...
It will be based upon
her merits as a producer.
Fine.
I'll go myself.
Why do they have to make
those mannequins so damn sexy?
Dr. Crane? Yes?
Your cake's ready.
Oh, splendid!
Well, let's just have
a look here, hmm?
"Congrats."
It's supposed to say
"Congratulations, Dad."
There wasn't room.
Wh...
People have written
the Declaration of Independence
on a grain of rice.
Not with frosting.
Listen, my father's starting
a new job this evening.
This cake is meant to
show him how proud we are,
how much we care, and that
we believe in him, all right?
It has to be special.
If it was so special, how come
you ordered the smallest one?
We were also having ice
cream, if you must know.
Fine.
You can pick it up in
half an hour. Thank you.
Ooh! Wait! I haven't
got half an hour to...
Roz...
You want me to pick up the cake?
Oh, bless you! And, and
listen, could you pick up
some ice cream on
your way over, too?
Sure.
That's a love. Bye!
Hello, honey.
Mmm...
I have a surprise for you.
I have a surprise for you, too.
Oh, my God, tickets
to the Billy Joel concert!
Tickets to the Mongolian
Music Festival?
That's four solid
hours of throat singing!
Oh, how in the world
did you get these?
Oh, well, I know a guy
who knows a guy who...
has a friend who was
able to pull a few strings.
How did you get these?
I called the box office. Oh!
Oh, thank you so much.
No, no, thank you.
When is it?
Tonight.
Oh...
Oh. Wow.
So, um, which one
shall we attend?
Well,
it's always been a dream of mine
to see Billy Joel live.
Yes.
But has it been
a life-long dream
like my dream of seeing
Mongolian throat singers?
Yes, but didn't we just
do a "you" thing last week
when we went to the opera?
Yes. Mm.
But you're forgetting
that the next night
we rented Mrs. Doubtfire,
which was definitely
a "you" movie.
Except they didn't have
it, so we rented Tampopo,
which I believe we
found in the "you" section.
And we listened to NPR on the
way there and on the way back...
Don't think I
didn't notice that.
All right, perhaps I have
been a bit piggish lately.
We'll see Billy Joel.
But-but-but I am not
going in any mosh pit.
Okay!
Wow, look at you,
Mr. Security Guard.
Yes, beware, criminals...
Martin Crane is
back on the streets.
Actually, Martin Crane
is sitting on his butt
in a fancy lobby, staring
at a bunch of monitors.
Oh...
Daph, are any of
these navy blue?
I.. I can help you
with that, Dad.
Daphne, would you... would
you get us some coffee?
Sure.
Dad, uh, are you, uh,
you ready for all this,
you know, going back to work?
Niles, we talked about this.
It's only three nights a week.
Oh, I know, I know, but, uh...
You're going through
your old routine...
putting on the badge,
going back on duty.
You're even going to be working
with some of your old
friends from the force.
Just be aware, it might
bring up buried memories.
Like what?
Well, the last time you worked,
some crazy person
pointed a uh, a, uh...
at you, and, uh...
you were almost, uh...
You-you you
ended up in the, uh...
the, uh, the, uh...
Well, you could've, uh...
you could've, uh...
you could've actually...
But, well, I just, I...
Probably you're going
to have a lot of issues.
Well, thanks for
being concerned, Niles,
but, trust me, I don't
have any buried memories.
I remember every
detail of that day.
Frank and I were near
the end of our shift.
He wanted to get a drink.
I said no, but he was thirsty.
So we go to a convenience store.
There was a
robbery in progress...
I got shot.
It was a hell of a thing.
Sure was.
Well, I got to get going.
A few of the guys are
taking me out for dinner
before my first shift.
Oh, uh, Dad, you
can't leave yet.
We're having a
little send-off party.
Frasier's on his
way with the cake.
Here's your coffee, Mr. Crane.
Thanks, Daph.
Here's your coffee, Marty.
Thanks, doll.
You going to carry
that fish around all day?
Hey. He has a name.
That's "Eddie."
Why don't you get
yourself a real pet?
You know, like a... like a dog?
Ah, I'm not really a dog person.
I just wanted someone in the
family I could get along with.
Did I tell you,
Frasier's not coming
home for Thanksgiving?
Yeah, you did.
And have I told you about
my weekly Sunday brunch
with Niles and Maris?
Yeah, you have.
Well, I'd rather be at church.
Get more to eat.
Hey, speaking of Niles,
isn't that him?
Hey, Niles.
Take a load off.
What's up?
You know very well what's up.
Maris just called me.
You booted her car.
Oh, yeah, I remember
having a car booted earlier
it was parked kind
of close to a hydrant.
Was that hers?
The license plate says "Maris."
It's a very common
name, right, Frank?
My mother's name is Maris.
Dad, Maris is very
upset, and so am I.
I can't believe you booted her.
Hey, I wouldn't be
upset if you booted her.
Come on, Niles, she's loaded.
She'll probably just ditch
it and go buy another one.
That's not the point. I think
you owe her an apology.
Good day... Frank.
You booted a car
just to irritate your kid?
Oh, that's a lot of trouble.
No, the real trouble
was getting four guys
to pick it up and move
it closer to the hydrant.
Here you are.
Oh, thanks.
Honey, get a picture of
your father with his thermos.
Oh, enough with the pictures!
People didn't
make this much fuss
when I shipped off to Korea.
Well, Dad. Very snappy.
Uh-huh. Where's the cake?
Roz'll be bringing
it by in a minute.
Hey, Frasier, if
you're interested,
I have two tickets to
tonight's throat singing concert.
Don't toy with me, Niles!
What the hell is throat singing?
Oh, Dad, it's an
extraordinary technique
when a single vocalist
can actually produce
two distinct tones
simultaneously,
allowing him to
harmonize with himself.
Kind of like the
Everly Brothers.
If they shared a throat and
came from Mongolia, yes.
Niles, why aren't you going?
He's taking me
to see Billy Joel.
Billy Joel?
He's the "Piano Man."
Well, seeing as how
you're otherwise occupied,
I guess I'll try to just
wrangle myself a date.
Wait, wait a minute,
who's going to walk Eddie?
I told you he has to be
walked every night at 10:00.
Yes, yes, of course,
Dad, of course, Dad.
Uh, well, you know,
customarily, this would fall
under the description
of Daphne's job.
Customarily,
Dr. Crane, it's not my job.
I do it as a favor
for your father.
Will you do it as
a favor for me?
No.
You know, Frasier,
you could catch
the first two hours
of throat singing and still
get back in time to walk Eddie.
Oh, Niles...
You know damn well their throats
are just starting to
warm up after two hours!
Well, I'm not
missing Billy Joel.
Gee, I hate to put
you all out like this.
Dad, I'm sorry.
Don't worry, we'll-we'll
work this out, I promise.
Say, what about that
nice Mrs. Kurtzman
who lives right across the hall?
She's 94... someone
comes to walk her every day.
There's got to be somebody
on God's green earth
that can walk this dog.
Roz! Roz! Roz!
Hi. Cake's here.
Yes, you know, Roz,
we were just talking about you.
Say, listen, are you...
Are you busy this evening?
No.
Oh, that's terrific news.
Well, then you
won't mind coming by
and walking Eddie about 10:00?
Forget it, Frasier.
I am not your assistant,
I am a producer.
A producer doesn't give up
her evenings to walk a dog.
Would a senior
producer walk a dog?
Well...
someone has got to
walk this damn dog.
All right, that's enough.
You all said you'd be
supportive if I went back to work.
Dad... We are supportive...
Yeah, for the first
two or three seconds
until it gets inconvenient
and then all you
think about is yourself.
Now, if you'll excuse me,
I'm not in the party mood.
What do you want?
It's me, Roz.
Oh, come on in.
Are you people insane?
How can paper beat a rock?
Well, I'm really looking forward
to getting out of the house.
Well, I didn't want you to go
before I had a
chance to give you this.
Oh, you didn't have to do that.
Oh, a tie pin!
Oh, look at the
little handcuffs.
Well, we don't want
that tie to escape.
Thanks, Roz.
So, it's a big day,
isn't it? Mm-hmm.
You feeling good?
Oh, I feel better than that.
I feel... useful.
It's been a long time.
You know, when I was a cop,
we used to make
fun of security guards.
I guess now I'm going to have
to make fun of crossing guards.
Who do crossing
guards make fun of?
I don't know.
Uh, kids, I guess.
Hello.
Oh, hey, Frank.
Yup, I got my W-4.
Uh, listen, uh, I want
to thank you again
for getting me in.
You know, I know you had to push
what with my hip and all, and...
Well, I'm just
thanking you again.
That's all. That's not mushy.
Huh?
Oh, that's too bad.
Okay, well, maybe next time.
Bye.
What's too bad?
Well, a bunch of us
are going out for dinner,
but one guy can't make it.
Evidently
he got called to check
on a possible
perv at the K-Mart.
I got to tell you, Roz.
Hanging out with a
bunch of guys again is...
Well, it's something
I've really missed.
Oh.
Well, I am happy
for you, Martin.
Thanks, Roz.
Let's just all leave now
and then Roz will
have to walk him.
Hey!
Hey, Marty, we've
got a Code Nine
over here on the right.
Are you blind?
She's a Code Seven at best.
Oh. Am I mistaken
or is she swerving?
I'm not pulling her over, Frank.
The last time we did that,
you ended up in divorce court.
Ah.
Did I tell you
Frasier's not coming
home for Thanksgiving.
Yeah, you did.
That means I'll have to
spend it with Maris and Niles.
Last time, she didn't
even eat anything.
She just sucked air
through a rice cake.
Boy, he sure picked a winner.
Marty, you sound
like a broken record.
You know, I get it.
You can't stand your kids.
No! No, no.
They can't stand me.
Well, maybe you've
got to be the one
that takes the first step.
You know, reach out.
And most importantly, listen.
Not just with your
ears, but with your heart.
What the hell are
you talking about?
I'm seeing a court-appointed
family therapist.
I have to admit, it's only
been a few sessions, but...
she is hot!
You've come a long way.
I think it's making me
a better dad, you know.
I'm getting involved
with their school stuff.
I talk to them at
the end of the day.
I make sure I kiss them
good-bye before I go to work.
Hmm.
You really do that?
Yup.
According to Dr. Hottie,
you have to make an effort.
You know what I should do?
What?
I ought to just call
Frasier out of the blue
and see how he's doing.
Niles, too.
They'd probably think I
was dying or something.
You should.
Yeah.
That's what I'm going to do.
I'll do it tonight
when I get home.
Good for you, Marty.
Hey, can we stop?
I need to get another slushie.
You just got that one.
I got rinds in it.
All right, but I'll
go in and get it.
You stay here and
clean this mess up.
Good news, Dad.
We worked it out.
You did?
Yes. Listen, Dad, I'm sorry.
I hope our little tiff
didn't spoil the occasion.
We're all so proud of you.
I want you to know that.
Thanks, son. So
who's walking Eddie?
I am. I figure if I just
take him out right now
I still have time to
make it to the concert
and he'll be okay until I
come back around midnight.
I told you he's got to
be walked around 10:00.
That's his routine.
Well, can't his routine
just bend a little?
Fine, then I hope
your Berber carpet
is waterproof.
What's wrong?
Apparently, His
Nibs will explode
if he doesn't go
out around 10:00.
Okay, okay, okay, okay.
How's this?
I will stay and walk Eddie.
Really?
You just don't want
to see Billy Joel.
No, that is patently untrue.
I'm just trying to
help my father.
If he isn't going, can I?
Well, that would work perfectly.
But since you're free, Niles,
I've got this extra ticket
for the throat singing concert.
Oh?!
Well, then it's settled.
Eddie.
Oh, dear, all right, okay, okay.
We will work this out, Dad.
So what happens
when your nibs explode?
You should see it, Marty.
They're using
your rookie picture
on the news.
Oh, what's all the fuss about?
It's only my hip.
Ten bucks says I'll be back
on the job in a couple of weeks.
I just keep thinking, you
know, it should have been me.
Can I do anything to make you
more comfortable, Mr. Crane?
No, I'm fine, thanks.
Seriously, it should
have been me.
Hey, Frank.
Hello, Dad.
Niles.
How-how are you, uh...
How are you feeling?
I think I'm going to be fine.
Well, thank God.
Well, I'd better get going.
Oh, no!
No, no, hey, don't go on
my account. No, Frank.
Nah, you guys got plenty
of things to talk about.
Listen, I'll never drink
another slushie again.
Well, then it was worth it.
All right.
See you.
Oh.
I just got off the
phone with Frasier.
He is flying in.
Good.
Doc says I'll be out of
here in a couple of days.
Good.
They have a great staff here.
Oh.
I knew this was going
to happen some day.
Hey, it comes
with the territory.
I'll never understand how
you can take these risks.
No, you probably won't.
I'm sorry.
Visiting hours are over.
Um, thank you.
Well...
I'll be back tomorrow.
Okay.
All right, we're
running out of time.
I'll tell you what.
I will offer $100 to anyone
who is willing to walk this dog.
I'll kick in a hundred.
That's $200!
That's an awful lot of
money, isn't it, Niles?
It sure is, Frasier.
All just to walk a little dog.
Yes, mm-hmm.
I can't believe you'd
try to buy me off.
You, too! Ow! For God sake...
I'm leaving!
You misunderstood completely.
Shut up!
You ought to be ashamed.
I can't even depend
on my own kids.
But, Dad...
You two, come here.
We're sorry.
Frasier started it.
I'm going to work now.
I'll be home late.
Don't wait up.
♪ Hey, baby, I hear
the blues a'callin' ♪
♪ Tossed salads
and scrambled eggs ♪
♪ Oh, my ♪
♪ And maybe I
seem a bit confused ♪
♪ Well, maybe, but
I got you pegged ♪
♪ But I don't know what to do ♪
♪ With those tossed
salads and scrambled eggs ♪
♪ They're callin' again. ♪
Frasier has left the building.