Frasier (1993–2004): Season 3, Episode 13 - Moon Dance - full transcript
On Martin's advice, Niles asks a woman to a high-society ball, but panics when he realizes he can't dance. Daphne gives him lessons in Frasier's apartment, and the two of them have a great time. When Niles's date cancels, Daphne goes with him to the ball, and they dance a passionate tango.
WELL, WE'VE GOT
ABOUT 30 SECONDS.
I THINK WE'VE GOT TIME
FOR ONE QUICK CALL.
HELLO, MARLENE.
I'M LISTENING.
Oh, my God, I'm really on?
YOUR PROBLEM, PLEASE.
Lucky, get down!
George, get the dog!
Oh, my God, this is so exciting.
Honey, get the baby!
George, get your son.
Here it is, Dr. Crane.
If my husband and I
don't find time to have sex
I'm going to burst.
I may go to a store
and pick up a stranger.
Man: Hello.
Marlene: Look who's
here without calling first.
Nana and Pop Pop.
I'll call you back.
TO ALL YOU MARLENES OUT THERE
MAY I SUGGEST
THAT SEX WITH A STRANGER
IS NOT THE ANSWER.
WHY DON'T YOU PACK THE KIDS
OFF WITH NANA AND POP POP
LOCK LUCKY DOWNSTAIRS
GRAB YOUR HUSBAND
TAKE HIM TO THE STURDIEST
KITCHEN TABLE YOU HAVE
AND LET THE POSTMAN RING TWICE.
TO THE REST OF MY LISTENERS
I'LL BE ON VACATION NEXT WEEK
SO TUNE IN TO MY REPLACEMENT
THE NOTED PODIATRIST,
DR. GARRETH WOOTEN.
HE'LL BE DISCUSSING THE
VIRTUES OF HIS NEW BOOK
BUNIONS AND BLISTERS AND CORNS.
OH, MY!
I HATE IT
WHEN THAT FOOT
FREAK SUBS FOR YOU.
COULDN'T YOU HAVE
FREDERICK VISIT YOU HERE?
I'M SORRY, ROZ.
TAXI'S WAITING TO
TAKE ME TO THE AIRPORT.
OH, WELL, HAVE A GREAT TIME.
OH, THANKS.
DON'T FORGET TO
BRING ME A PRESENT.
I'LL GET YOU A T-SHIRT FROM
COLONIAL WILLIAMSBURG.
YOU'RE TAKING FREDERICK
TO WILLIAMSBURG?
EWW!
NO!
IT'S A WONDERFUL VACATION SPOT.
WE'RE GOING TO DIP CANDLES
AND TAN LEATHER, CHURN BUTTER...
HEY, FREDERICK CRANE
YOU FINISHED FIRST GRADE.
WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO NOW?
I'M GOING TO BUTTER WORLD.
HEY, DAPHNE, BRING
THAT LAUNDRY OVER HERE
WILL YOU?
I WAS READING ABOUT
AN INTELLIGENCE TEST
FOR YOUR DOG.
YOU THROW A TOWEL OVER ITS HEAD
AND SEE HOW LONG IT TAKES
HIM TO SHAKE IT OFF. EDDIE!
THE FASTER HE TAKES IT
OFF, THE SMARTER HE IS.
NO, THE FASTER HE FOLDS IT.
ALL RIGHT.
THEY RANKED ALL THE DOGS
AND THE SMARTEST
WAS A BORDER COLLIE.
HE DID IT IN SEVEN SECONDS.
COME ON, BOY.
TAKE IT OFF.
SIX...
SEVEN.
OKAY, WELL, THE NEXT
FASTEST ONE WAS A POODLE.
I KNOW HE'S AS
SMART AS A POODLE.
OKAY, SO HE'S NO POODLE.
HE'S NOT A BEAGLE, EITHER.
OR A GERMAN SHEPHERD.
OR A LABRADOR.
OH, FOR GOD'S SAKE, EDDIE.
IF YOU ASK ME, HE'S
REFUSING TO DO THAT TRICK
BECAUSE HE KNOWS IF HE DOES IT
YOU'LL HAVE HIM DOING IT
EVERY TIME WE HAVE COMPANY.
HEY, I'LL BET YOU'RE RIGHT.
NICE GOING, EDDIE.
( doorbell ringing)
OH, HELLO, DR. CRANE.
I APPRECIATE THE FALSE
CHEER, BUT YOU'VE SEEN THIS.
TODAY'S SOCIETY PAGE?
DON'T TELL ME, DON'T
TELL ME, DON'T TELL ME!
I'M SAVING IT FOR AFTER DINNER.
MARIS IS GOING ON A
THREE-WEEK CRUISE.
HER FRIENDS THREW
HER A BON VOYAGE PARTY.
LOOK AT THE PHOTO.
MARIS ON THE ARM OF
PIERSON BROADWATER.
OH, DR. CRANE, LOOK.
SHE'S STANDING,
BARELY TOUCHING HIM
WITH ONLY THE TINIEST
BIT OF A SMILE ON HER FACE.
YOU CAN PRACTICALLY HEAR
THE ZING, ZING, ZING
OF HER HEARTSTRINGS.
OH, DR. CRANE.
SORRY, NILES.
IT GETS WORSE.
THIS MORNING, I SPOKE TO MARTA,
MY EX-MAID AND CURRENT MOLE.
SHE REPORTS THAT BROADWATER
IS JUST THE LATEST IN
A PARADE OF ESCORTS.
THE GIGOLOS ARE
SWARMING AROUND MARIS
LIKE ANTS ON A SNICKERS BAR.
WELL, WAIT A MINUTE.
THAT'S GOOD NEWS.
IF SHE'S SEEING A
BUNCH OF PEOPLE
SHE'S NOT SERIOUS ABOUT ANYONE.
YOU THINK?
THEY'RE JUST HER ESCORTS.
YOU KNOW HOW SHE
LOVES GOING TO PARTIES.
YES... AND SHE NEVER LIKED
GOING ANYWHERE ALONE
EXCEPT TO BED.
THAT'S MORE GOOD NEWS.
IT WOULDN'T HURT YOU
TO GO OUT A LITTLE BIT.
IF YOU'RE SUGGESTING
I START DATING
SAVE YOUR BREATH.
WOMEN DON'T EXACTLY
FIND ME IRRESISTIBLE.
OH, COME ON, NILES.
YOU'VE HAD LOTS OF GIRLFRIENDS.
OH, LET'S COUNT.
THERE'S MARIS.
DORA, MY CHILDHOOD
PEN PAL FROM COSTA RICA.
I SEEM TO RECALL A LITTLE
GIRL IN THE FOURTH GRADE
WHO LURED ME TO A STAIRWELL
TO SHOW ME HER UNDERPANTS.
YOUR PROBLEM IS, YOU
STILL PICTURE YOURSELF
AS THAT GEEKY KID YOU
WERE IN HIGH SCHOOL.
BUT YOU'VE COME A LONG WAY.
AND YOU'RE NOT DOING
YOURSELF ANY FAVORS
SITTING HOME EVERY NIGHT.
NOW JUST THINK ABOUT IT.
OH...
WINE, DR. CRANE?
WELL, WOULDN'T YOU?
Daphne: OH, GIVE IT UP.
THE MAN HAD EVERY
RIGHT TO BE PROUD
OF HIS DOG.
I JUST DON'T LIKE SHOW-OFFS.
"GINGER, CATCH THE FRISBEE."
"GINGER, ROLL OVER."
"GINGER, DO MY TAXES."
JUST BECAUSE EDDIE'S
NOT GOOD AT TRICKS...
HE JUST LIKES THE KIND
THAT GIVE HIM A
CHANCE TO USE HIS BRAIN.
EDDIE'S A THINKER.
HERE, JUST WATCH THIS.
OPEN THE DOOR FOR HIM.
I'VE BEEN TEACHING HIM
THE NAMES OF ALL HIS CHEW TOYS.
EDDIE, GET YOUR BANANA.
NOW HE'S THINKING.
"WHICH ONE'S THE BANANA?"
NOW, HE'S THINKING
"WHAT THE HECK DID I
DO WITH MY BANANA?"
NOW HE'S THINKING
"WHICH ONE'S THE
EMERGENCY BUTTON?"
OH, DR. CRANE.
HELLO. I LET MYSELF IN.
I HOPE THAT'S ALL RIGHT.
FINE. WHAT'S UP?
I JUST STOPPED BY TO ASK
ARE YOU FREE SATURDAY NIGHT?
SURE.
WELL, I'M NOT.
I HAVE A DATE.
OH! OH!
BRAVO, DR. CRANE.
GOOD FOR YOU.
WHO IS SHE?
MARJORIE NASH... THE "FRUIT
ON THE BOTTOM" YOGURT HEIRESS.
I BUMPED INTO HER
AT THE FRYE MUSEUM.
BEFORE I KNEW IT, YOUR ADVICE
WAS THUNDERING IN MY EARS.
I FOUND MYSELF ASKING HER OUT.
WE'LL BE ATTENDING OUR CLUB'S
ANNUAL WINTER
DANCE, THE SNOW BALL.
OH, GOOD FOR YOU.
WHAT'S SHE LIKE?
WELL, SHE'S TERRIBLY HAUGHTY
AND RUMORS PERSIST
ABOUT HER HUSBAND'S DEATH
BUT STILL, A DATE'S A DATE.
Daphne: THE SNOW BALL!
SOUNDS VERY GLAMOROUS.
I DIDN'T KNOW YOU COULD DANCE.
WELL, I CAN'T.
OH, DEAR!
YOU DON'T THINK
SHE'LL WANT ME TO?
I'VE TAKEN MARIS TO
DOZENS OF THESE THINGS.
SHE'S NEVER ONCE ASKED TO DANCE.
OF COURSE, MARIS DISLIKES
PUBLIC DISPLAYS OF RHYTHM.
OH, THIS IS TERRIBLE.
MY FIRST DATE'S A
FAILURE BEFORE IT BEGINS.
I'LL HAVE TO CANCEL.
ALL YOU NEED ARE A
FEW DANCING LESSONS.
I'LL BE HAPPY TO GIVE YOU SOME.
YOU WOULD?
GROWING UP, I USED TO PRACTICE
WITH MY BROTHER,
THE BALLROOM DANCER.
I COULDN'T PREVAIL UPON YOU.
IT'S TOO MUCH TROUBLE.
WE'LL HAVE TO MOVE THIS.
PUSH THE CHAIR BACK.
OR NOT.
Daphne: ALL RIGHT.
WE'LL START WITH THE BOX STEP.
IT'S VERY SIMPLE.
TAKE MY HAND, LIKE SO
AND YOUR OTHER HAND
GOES AROUND MY WAIST.
START WITH YOUR LEFT FOOT.
WHICH ONE?
OH, HUSH.
YOU STEP TOWARDS ME
THEN BRING YOUR
RIGHT FOOT FORWARD
AND OVER AND SLIDE THE LEFT OVER
TO MEET IT.
THEN THE RIGHT FOOT GOES BACK
THE LEFT, BACK AND OVER
AND THE RIGHT SLIDES NEXT TO IT.
AND THAT'S IT!
ALL RIGHT, ONCE AGAIN.
AND A-ONE, TWO... OH!
THREE, TWO...
TWO, THREE...
AH, THREE, TWO...
A-THREE, A-FOUR.
TWO, THREE...
THIS IS BORING, YET DIFFICULT.
THERE'S NO TRICK TO DANCING.
IT'S JUST A MATTER
OF COORDINATION.
HELL, IF YOU CAN RIDE A BIKE
OR SKIP ROPE OR KICK A BALL
YOU CAN CERTAINLY...
ALL RIGHT, ONCE AGAIN.
AND A-ONE
TWO... OH! THREE...
YOU'RE REALLY DOING
VERY WELL, DR. CRANE.
EARLIER, YOU SEEMED A BIT TENSE.
YOU'VE REALLY RELAXED
NOW, HAVEN'T YOU?
HEY, YOU TWO ARE
LOOKING PRETTY SHARP.
I THINK WE'RE READY TO
MOVE ON TO THE SAMBA.
EDDIE, FETCH ME A SAMBA TAPE.
XAVIER CUGAT.
NOW HE'S THINKING
"THE LATER HOLLYWOOD STUFF
OR THE EARLY NEW
YORK RECORDINGS?"
NOW GUESS WHAT I'M THINKING.
I'LL GET IT MYSELF.
I'M GOING TO HIT THE HAY.
♪ GOOD NIGHT, BEND AND TURN ♪
♪ SEE YOU IN THE MORNING ♪
♪ SPIN AND DIP ♪
( phone ringing)
♪ OH, THERE'S MY PHONE ♪
♪ FLIP AND PUSH ♪
♪ NILES CRANE! ♪
OH, MARJORIE.
HOW ARE YOU?
OH, WHAT A SHAME.
WELL, NO, THAT'S ALL RIGHT.
THERE'LL BE OTHER DANCES.
NO, NO, I UNDERSTAND COMPLETELY.
TAKE CARE.
I GUESS I WON'T BE NEEDING
THOSE DANCING LESSONS.
I GUESS NOT.
I'M SORRY, SON.
COULDN'T FIND ANY CUGIE
BUT THIS WILL DO.
ALL RIGHT NOW...
IN THE SAMBA
YOU HAVE TO HOLD
ME A LITTLE CLOSER.
THERE'S ONE THING I
WANTED TO MENTION.
YEAH.
I'M A DANCER.
A DANCER DANCES.
Daphne: WELL, LOOK WHO'S HERE.
IT'S MY DANCING PARTNER.
HELLO, FRED.
HELLO, GINGER.
IT'S A LITTLE JOKE WE HAVE.
LOOK, DAPHNE.
I GOT TWO NEW CD'S TODAY.
TONIGHT, WE MASTER THE
MAMBO AND THE CONGA.
I FEEL MYSELF GROWING A PENCIL-THIN
MOUSTACHE JUST SAYING THAT.
YOU'RE HAVING MORE
LESSONS TONIGHT?
OH, YES. HE'S GOING TO BE
THE BEST DANCER AT THE BALL.
I'LL JUST GO GET
US SOME COFFEES.
WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL HER
YOUR DATE HAD CANCELED?
YOU DON'T NEED MORE LESSONS.
I WANTED TO, BUT SHE'S
JUST HAVING SO MUCH FUN.
COME ON, NILES.
YOU THINK I DON'T
SEE THE WAY YOU LOOK AT DAPHNE?
WHAT ARE YOU IMPLYING?
YOU KNOW DAMN WELL
WHAT I'M IMPLYING.
YOU'RE STICKING A FORK
IN THE TOASTER HERE.
WELL, MY MUFFIN'S STUCK.
BESIDES, WHAT'S THE HARM
IN A FEW DANCE LESSONS?
IT'S NIGHTTIME, YOU'RE ALONE.
THE MUSIC'S ON.
YOU'VE GOT YOUR ARMS AROUND HER.
YOU'LL SAY SOMETHING
YOU CAN'T TAKE BACK.
I HAVE NO INTENTION
OF SAYING ANYTHING.
NO ONE EVER DOES...
TAKE MY WORD FOR IT.
WHEN I WAS SEPARATED
FROM YOUR MOTHER
THERE WAS THIS PRETTY
CORONER IN THE CITY MORGUE.
I ALWAYS HAD
A BIT OF A CRUSH ON HER.
WHENEVER WE'D FIND A
DEAD BODY, I'D YELL OUT
"OKAY, BOYS, I'LL
TAKE IT FROM HERE."
SO THIS ONE NIGHT
I INVITED HER DOWN
TO THE CORNER BAR...
CORONERS HAVE THEIR OWN BARS?
NO. "CORNER," NILES...
THE CORNER BAR!
ANYWAY, WE HAD A FEW DRINKS.
THE LIGHTS WERE LOW,
SINATRA ON THE JUKEBOX.
BEFORE I KNEW IT
IT JUST ALL CAME POURING
OUT... I TOLD HER HOW I FELT.
I KNEW THE SECOND IT WAS OUT
OF MY MOUTH, IT WAS A MISTAKE.
SHE LET ME DOWN
EASY, BUT WE STILL
HAD TO GO ON SEEING
EACH OTHER ALL THE TIME.
IT SURE WAS NO FUN GOING
TO THE MORGUE AFTER THAT.
SO, WHAT TIME ARE WE STARTING
YOUR LESSONS TONIGHT, DR. CRANE?
ACTUALLY, THAT
WON'T BE NECESSARY.
I GOT A CALL FROM MARJORIE.
I WON'T BE GOING TO THE BALL.
OH... WELL, I'M SORRY.
IT'S QUITE ALL RIGHT.
THANK YOU FOR ALL YOUR HELP.
IT SEEMS SUCH A SHAME
TO WASTE ALL THAT HARD WORK.
I HOPE YOU DON'T THINK
I'M BEING TOO FORWARD
BUT WHAT WOULD YOU SAY ABOUT
OUR GOING TO THE DANCE TOGETHER?
HE'S ALREADY TAKEN UP
TOO MUCH OF YOUR TIME, DAPHNE.
HE COULDN'T ASK YOU TO DO THAT.
IT WOULD BE FUN FOR ME.
I'D LOVE AN ELEGANT EVENING OUT.
WHAT DO YOU SAY, DR. CRANE?
TELL HER WHAT
YOU SAY, DR. CRANE.
PICK YOU UP
AT 7:00?
OH, YES! GREAT.
NO, EDDIE, THAT'S
NOT YOUR BANANA.
THAT'S MR. PIG.
LISTEN TO THE DIFFERENCE:
"PIG." "BANANA."
"PIG."
"BANANA."
I STILL LOVE YOU,
YOU LITTLE PINHEAD.
GO SIT DOWN.
OH! FRASIER, AM I
GLAD YOU'RE BACK.
DAD, PLEASE... I'VE JUST SPENT
THE MOST WONDERFUL
SIX DAYS WITH FREDERICK.
I AM TECHNICALLY
STILL ON VACATION
UNTIL 10:00 A.M. TOMORROW.
YEAH, BUT LISTEN...
"BUT, BUT, BUT, BUT, BUT..."
DAD, I DO NOT CARE TO KNOW
HOW HARD DAPHNE
MADE YOU EXERCISE...
OR ABOUT THE BORING FOREIGN FILM
NILES MADE YOU SIT THROUGH...
OR ABOUT THE PROGRESS OF
EDDIE'S ON-AGAIN, OFF-AGAIN ROMANCE
WITH THE OTTOMAN.
BUT YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND...
DAD, PLEASE.
FOR ALL INTENTS AND
PURPOSES, I AM NOT HERE.
( doorbell rings)
THAT WOULD BE ME DATE.
OOH, I'M SO EXCITED.
THIS IS ME FIRST BALL.
I HOPE HE LIKES ME DRESS.
DAPHNE.
HELLO, DR. CRANE.
WELCOME BACK.
HELLO.
WOW!
( laughing): OH...
YOU...
HERE YOU ARE. THANK YOU.
NILES.
OH, FRASIER, YOU'RE BACK.
WELL, OUR CARRIAGE AWAITS.
GET HOME AT A DECENT
HOUR. I'LL WAIT UP.
( laughing): OH, MR. CRANE...
WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT?
EDDIE, DID YOU HEAR SOMETHING?
IT CAN'T BE FRASIER. HE'S STILL
ON VACATION.
DAD, WHAT WAS THAT?
DAD, WILL YOU STOP
KIDDING AROUND?
WAS THAT A DATE? DAD!
Daphne: OH!
OH, DR. CRANE,
IT'S SO BEAUTIFUL!
UH, JUST FOR TONIGHT,
COULD YOU CALL ME NILES?
YOU KNOW, WHEN I WAS AT SCHOOL
I KNEW A BOY NAMED NILES.
I CALLED HIM "NILEY."
JUST FOR TONIGHT,
COULD YOU CALL ME NILES?
YOU'RE A VISION.
EVERYONE'S STARING AT YOU.
OH, YOU LOOK AWFULLY
HANDSOME YOURSELF...
NILES.
( giddy laughter)
OH... UH... WOULD YOU
LIKE SOME CHAMPAGNE?
OH, THAT WOULD BE LOVELY.
BE BACK IN A MOMENT.
UH, TWO CHAMPAGNES,
TOUT DE SUITE.
NILES, DEAR...
HOW ARE YOU?
JUST FINE, THANKS.
ANDREW, SAY HELLO
TO NILES.
HAVEN'T SEEN YOU FOR AGES.
WE FEEL JUST TERRIBLE
ABOUT YOU AND MARIS.
Woman: OH, YES, WE
WERE JUST DEVASTATED
POSITIVELY EVERYONE
IS TALKING ABOUT IT.
OH? HOW IS
"POSITIVELY EVERYONE"?
DEVASTATED.
WE WERE JUST
SAYING THAT TO MARIS
WHEN WE RAN INTO HER AND
BARCLAY PAXTON AT THE BREEDER'S CUP.
NO, SHE WAS WITH CARLO
RINALDI AT THE BREEDER'S CUP.
( laughing): WELL, IT'S
SO HARD TO KEEP TRACK.
ANYWAY, NILES, IF THERE'S
ANYTHING WE CAN DO
TO CHEER YOU UP,
JUST LET US KNOW.
PERHAPS A MURDER-SUICIDE PACT.
WELL... THEY WEREN'T VERY NICE.
EVERYONE IN OUR SET
SEEMS TO HAVE THIS IDEA
THAT WHILE MARIS IS
OUT LIVING THE HIGH LIFE
I'M SITTING AT HOME,
CRUSHED AND LONELY.
YEAH, WELL, NEVER MIND
THOSE GOSSIPY TWITS.
TONIGHT, YOU'RE ALL MINE.
NOW, TAKE ME IN YOUR ARMS, NILES
AND LET THE MUSIC CARRY US AWAY.
( orchestra finishes number)
THANK YOU. WE'LL BE
BACK IN TEN MINUTES.
( orchestra playing waltz)
( orchestra finishes number)
( both laughing)
OH, I CAN'T REMEMBER
WHEN I'VE HAD A BETTER TIME.
I'M ON CLOUD NINE!
I'D HAVE TO LOOK DOWN
TO SEE CLOUD NINE.
DAPHNE, I MUST TELL YOU AGAIN:
THAT IS AN EXQUISITE GOWN.
OH, THANKS.
IT WAS WAY OUT OF ME PRICE RANGE
BUT DID YOU EVER SEE
SOMETHING AND SAY
"I JUST HAVE TO HAVE IT"?
WHERE'S MY CHAIR? OH...
( orchestra playing a tango)
OH, A TANGO!
OH, YOU NEVER TAUGHT ME A TANGO.
OH, YOU'LL LOVE IT.
IT'S PERFECT FOR YOU.
THIS IS A PASSIONATE,
FULL-BLOODED DANCE
THAT ROSE UP FROM THE
SLUMS OF BUENOS AIRES.
WELL, THE PARALLELS BETWEEN ME
AND AN UNEMPLOYED GAUCHO ASIDE
I THINK WE PROBABLY SHOULD
JUST SIT THIS ONE OUT.
OH, NONSENSE.
THERE'S ONLY ONE
RULE IN THE TANGO.
WHAT?
OUR BODIES MUST BE
IN CONTINUOUS CONTACT
WITH NOT A SLIVER OF
DAYLIGHT BETWEEN US.
I CAN DO THAT.
LOOSEN UP.
DON'T BE AFRAID.
DAPHNE WON'T LET
ANYTHING HAPPEN TO YOU.
I DON'T THINK...
DON'T THINK.
JUST FEEL.
YOU'RE AN ARGENTINE
SLUM-DWELLER.
YOU HAVE NO HOUSE, NO CAR.
YOU DON'T KNOW
WHERE YOUR NEXT
MEAL IS COMING FROM.
BUT NONE OF THAT
MATTERS, BECAUSE TONIGHT...
WE HAVE THE TANGO.
( Spanish accent): OH,
MAMA, I'VE GOT IT ALL!
THAT'S IT!
YOU'RE DAZZLING!
YOU'RE BRILLIANT!
BUT I FEEL YOU'RE HOLDING BACK.
I AM.
THIS IS NO TIME
FOR INHIBITIONS.
I KNOW.
OH, LET IT OUT, NILES.
LET EVERYTHING OUT.
OH, DAPHNE...
I ADORE YOU!
I ADORE YOU TOO.
WHAT?
I ADORE YOU TOO.
OH! HOW I'VE LONGED
TO HEAR THOSE WORDS!
HOW I'VE LONGED TO SAY THEM.
YOU'RE BEAUTIFUL.
YOU'RE A GODDESS.
I DON'T EVER WANT
THIS MOMENT TO END.
THEN LET'S NOT LET IT.
( orchestra finishes number)
THIS IS THE MOST
GLORIOUS NIGHT OF MY LIFE.
OH, MINE TOO.
OH, DAPHNE, I'M A NEW MAN.
DO YOU HAVE ANY
IDEA WHAT I'M FEELING?
OH, OF COURSE I DO.
YOUR FRIENDS LOOK
POSITIVELY DUMBSTRUCK.
FROM NOW ON, THERE'LL BE NO MORE
OF THAT "OH, POOR
NILES" ATTITUDE.
FAR FROM IT.
OH, I KNEW YOU
WERE A GOOD DANCER
BUT I HAD NO IDEA YOU
WERE SUCH A GOOD ACTOR.
ACTOR?
"OH, DAPHNE, YOU'RE A GODDESS."
"DAPHNE, I ADORE YOU."
WE FOOLED EVERYONE, DIDN'T WE?
OH.
OH... WE CERTAINLY
DID, DIDN'T WE?
I'M SURPRISED IT WAS SO EASY.
WELL, GIVEN THE
RIGHT CIRCUMSTANCES
ANYONE CAN BE FOOLED.
MMM...
OOH... WHAT DO YOU
SAY TO ANOTHER DANCE?
NO, THANKS.
IT'S GETTING LATE, AND
I'VE DANCED ENOUGH.
ALL RIGHT, THEN.
I'LL JUST GO POWDER MY NOSE
AND THEN WE'LL BE OFF.
NILES?
NO, NO, PLEASE.
CLAIRE BARNES?
I WAS AN ASSOCIATE IN
YOUR ATTORNEY'S OFFICE.
OH, YES, CLAIRE. IT'S
GOOD TO SEE YOU AGAIN.
WELL, I HEARD
ABOUT YOU AND MARIS
AND I JUST WANTED
TO GIVE YOU MY CARD
AND LET YOU KNOW THAT
YOU'RE FREE TO CALL ME ANYTIME.
THANK YOU. I'M HAPPY
WITH MY ATTORNEY.
I MEANT TO GO DANCING.
OH.
WELL, THANKS.
WELL, ARE YOU READY?
UH...
NO, I DON'T THINK I AM.
I BEG YOUR PARDON?
UH, I MEAN, YES, LET'S GO.
OH. WE HAD A TIME
TONIGHT, DIDN'T WE?
WE CERTAINLY DID.
OH, AND TO THINK
YOU ALMOST DIDN'T
COME TO THE BALL.
YOU KNOW, IT'S SUCH A
SHAME WHEN PEOPLE LET FEAR
STOP THEM FROM
TRYING NEW THINGS.
EXCUSE ME.
I'M READY NOW.
[CAPTIONING SPONSORED BY
PARAMOUNT TELEVISION, NBC]
[CAPTIONED BY THE CAPTION CENTER
WGBH EDUCATIONAL FOUNDATION]
ABOUT 30 SECONDS.
I THINK WE'VE GOT TIME
FOR ONE QUICK CALL.
HELLO, MARLENE.
I'M LISTENING.
Oh, my God, I'm really on?
YOUR PROBLEM, PLEASE.
Lucky, get down!
George, get the dog!
Oh, my God, this is so exciting.
Honey, get the baby!
George, get your son.
Here it is, Dr. Crane.
If my husband and I
don't find time to have sex
I'm going to burst.
I may go to a store
and pick up a stranger.
Man: Hello.
Marlene: Look who's
here without calling first.
Nana and Pop Pop.
I'll call you back.
TO ALL YOU MARLENES OUT THERE
MAY I SUGGEST
THAT SEX WITH A STRANGER
IS NOT THE ANSWER.
WHY DON'T YOU PACK THE KIDS
OFF WITH NANA AND POP POP
LOCK LUCKY DOWNSTAIRS
GRAB YOUR HUSBAND
TAKE HIM TO THE STURDIEST
KITCHEN TABLE YOU HAVE
AND LET THE POSTMAN RING TWICE.
TO THE REST OF MY LISTENERS
I'LL BE ON VACATION NEXT WEEK
SO TUNE IN TO MY REPLACEMENT
THE NOTED PODIATRIST,
DR. GARRETH WOOTEN.
HE'LL BE DISCUSSING THE
VIRTUES OF HIS NEW BOOK
BUNIONS AND BLISTERS AND CORNS.
OH, MY!
I HATE IT
WHEN THAT FOOT
FREAK SUBS FOR YOU.
COULDN'T YOU HAVE
FREDERICK VISIT YOU HERE?
I'M SORRY, ROZ.
TAXI'S WAITING TO
TAKE ME TO THE AIRPORT.
OH, WELL, HAVE A GREAT TIME.
OH, THANKS.
DON'T FORGET TO
BRING ME A PRESENT.
I'LL GET YOU A T-SHIRT FROM
COLONIAL WILLIAMSBURG.
YOU'RE TAKING FREDERICK
TO WILLIAMSBURG?
EWW!
NO!
IT'S A WONDERFUL VACATION SPOT.
WE'RE GOING TO DIP CANDLES
AND TAN LEATHER, CHURN BUTTER...
HEY, FREDERICK CRANE
YOU FINISHED FIRST GRADE.
WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO NOW?
I'M GOING TO BUTTER WORLD.
HEY, DAPHNE, BRING
THAT LAUNDRY OVER HERE
WILL YOU?
I WAS READING ABOUT
AN INTELLIGENCE TEST
FOR YOUR DOG.
YOU THROW A TOWEL OVER ITS HEAD
AND SEE HOW LONG IT TAKES
HIM TO SHAKE IT OFF. EDDIE!
THE FASTER HE TAKES IT
OFF, THE SMARTER HE IS.
NO, THE FASTER HE FOLDS IT.
ALL RIGHT.
THEY RANKED ALL THE DOGS
AND THE SMARTEST
WAS A BORDER COLLIE.
HE DID IT IN SEVEN SECONDS.
COME ON, BOY.
TAKE IT OFF.
SIX...
SEVEN.
OKAY, WELL, THE NEXT
FASTEST ONE WAS A POODLE.
I KNOW HE'S AS
SMART AS A POODLE.
OKAY, SO HE'S NO POODLE.
HE'S NOT A BEAGLE, EITHER.
OR A GERMAN SHEPHERD.
OR A LABRADOR.
OH, FOR GOD'S SAKE, EDDIE.
IF YOU ASK ME, HE'S
REFUSING TO DO THAT TRICK
BECAUSE HE KNOWS IF HE DOES IT
YOU'LL HAVE HIM DOING IT
EVERY TIME WE HAVE COMPANY.
HEY, I'LL BET YOU'RE RIGHT.
NICE GOING, EDDIE.
( doorbell ringing)
OH, HELLO, DR. CRANE.
I APPRECIATE THE FALSE
CHEER, BUT YOU'VE SEEN THIS.
TODAY'S SOCIETY PAGE?
DON'T TELL ME, DON'T
TELL ME, DON'T TELL ME!
I'M SAVING IT FOR AFTER DINNER.
MARIS IS GOING ON A
THREE-WEEK CRUISE.
HER FRIENDS THREW
HER A BON VOYAGE PARTY.
LOOK AT THE PHOTO.
MARIS ON THE ARM OF
PIERSON BROADWATER.
OH, DR. CRANE, LOOK.
SHE'S STANDING,
BARELY TOUCHING HIM
WITH ONLY THE TINIEST
BIT OF A SMILE ON HER FACE.
YOU CAN PRACTICALLY HEAR
THE ZING, ZING, ZING
OF HER HEARTSTRINGS.
OH, DR. CRANE.
SORRY, NILES.
IT GETS WORSE.
THIS MORNING, I SPOKE TO MARTA,
MY EX-MAID AND CURRENT MOLE.
SHE REPORTS THAT BROADWATER
IS JUST THE LATEST IN
A PARADE OF ESCORTS.
THE GIGOLOS ARE
SWARMING AROUND MARIS
LIKE ANTS ON A SNICKERS BAR.
WELL, WAIT A MINUTE.
THAT'S GOOD NEWS.
IF SHE'S SEEING A
BUNCH OF PEOPLE
SHE'S NOT SERIOUS ABOUT ANYONE.
YOU THINK?
THEY'RE JUST HER ESCORTS.
YOU KNOW HOW SHE
LOVES GOING TO PARTIES.
YES... AND SHE NEVER LIKED
GOING ANYWHERE ALONE
EXCEPT TO BED.
THAT'S MORE GOOD NEWS.
IT WOULDN'T HURT YOU
TO GO OUT A LITTLE BIT.
IF YOU'RE SUGGESTING
I START DATING
SAVE YOUR BREATH.
WOMEN DON'T EXACTLY
FIND ME IRRESISTIBLE.
OH, COME ON, NILES.
YOU'VE HAD LOTS OF GIRLFRIENDS.
OH, LET'S COUNT.
THERE'S MARIS.
DORA, MY CHILDHOOD
PEN PAL FROM COSTA RICA.
I SEEM TO RECALL A LITTLE
GIRL IN THE FOURTH GRADE
WHO LURED ME TO A STAIRWELL
TO SHOW ME HER UNDERPANTS.
YOUR PROBLEM IS, YOU
STILL PICTURE YOURSELF
AS THAT GEEKY KID YOU
WERE IN HIGH SCHOOL.
BUT YOU'VE COME A LONG WAY.
AND YOU'RE NOT DOING
YOURSELF ANY FAVORS
SITTING HOME EVERY NIGHT.
NOW JUST THINK ABOUT IT.
OH...
WINE, DR. CRANE?
WELL, WOULDN'T YOU?
Daphne: OH, GIVE IT UP.
THE MAN HAD EVERY
RIGHT TO BE PROUD
OF HIS DOG.
I JUST DON'T LIKE SHOW-OFFS.
"GINGER, CATCH THE FRISBEE."
"GINGER, ROLL OVER."
"GINGER, DO MY TAXES."
JUST BECAUSE EDDIE'S
NOT GOOD AT TRICKS...
HE JUST LIKES THE KIND
THAT GIVE HIM A
CHANCE TO USE HIS BRAIN.
EDDIE'S A THINKER.
HERE, JUST WATCH THIS.
OPEN THE DOOR FOR HIM.
I'VE BEEN TEACHING HIM
THE NAMES OF ALL HIS CHEW TOYS.
EDDIE, GET YOUR BANANA.
NOW HE'S THINKING.
"WHICH ONE'S THE BANANA?"
NOW, HE'S THINKING
"WHAT THE HECK DID I
DO WITH MY BANANA?"
NOW HE'S THINKING
"WHICH ONE'S THE
EMERGENCY BUTTON?"
OH, DR. CRANE.
HELLO. I LET MYSELF IN.
I HOPE THAT'S ALL RIGHT.
FINE. WHAT'S UP?
I JUST STOPPED BY TO ASK
ARE YOU FREE SATURDAY NIGHT?
SURE.
WELL, I'M NOT.
I HAVE A DATE.
OH! OH!
BRAVO, DR. CRANE.
GOOD FOR YOU.
WHO IS SHE?
MARJORIE NASH... THE "FRUIT
ON THE BOTTOM" YOGURT HEIRESS.
I BUMPED INTO HER
AT THE FRYE MUSEUM.
BEFORE I KNEW IT, YOUR ADVICE
WAS THUNDERING IN MY EARS.
I FOUND MYSELF ASKING HER OUT.
WE'LL BE ATTENDING OUR CLUB'S
ANNUAL WINTER
DANCE, THE SNOW BALL.
OH, GOOD FOR YOU.
WHAT'S SHE LIKE?
WELL, SHE'S TERRIBLY HAUGHTY
AND RUMORS PERSIST
ABOUT HER HUSBAND'S DEATH
BUT STILL, A DATE'S A DATE.
Daphne: THE SNOW BALL!
SOUNDS VERY GLAMOROUS.
I DIDN'T KNOW YOU COULD DANCE.
WELL, I CAN'T.
OH, DEAR!
YOU DON'T THINK
SHE'LL WANT ME TO?
I'VE TAKEN MARIS TO
DOZENS OF THESE THINGS.
SHE'S NEVER ONCE ASKED TO DANCE.
OF COURSE, MARIS DISLIKES
PUBLIC DISPLAYS OF RHYTHM.
OH, THIS IS TERRIBLE.
MY FIRST DATE'S A
FAILURE BEFORE IT BEGINS.
I'LL HAVE TO CANCEL.
ALL YOU NEED ARE A
FEW DANCING LESSONS.
I'LL BE HAPPY TO GIVE YOU SOME.
YOU WOULD?
GROWING UP, I USED TO PRACTICE
WITH MY BROTHER,
THE BALLROOM DANCER.
I COULDN'T PREVAIL UPON YOU.
IT'S TOO MUCH TROUBLE.
WE'LL HAVE TO MOVE THIS.
PUSH THE CHAIR BACK.
OR NOT.
Daphne: ALL RIGHT.
WE'LL START WITH THE BOX STEP.
IT'S VERY SIMPLE.
TAKE MY HAND, LIKE SO
AND YOUR OTHER HAND
GOES AROUND MY WAIST.
START WITH YOUR LEFT FOOT.
WHICH ONE?
OH, HUSH.
YOU STEP TOWARDS ME
THEN BRING YOUR
RIGHT FOOT FORWARD
AND OVER AND SLIDE THE LEFT OVER
TO MEET IT.
THEN THE RIGHT FOOT GOES BACK
THE LEFT, BACK AND OVER
AND THE RIGHT SLIDES NEXT TO IT.
AND THAT'S IT!
ALL RIGHT, ONCE AGAIN.
AND A-ONE, TWO... OH!
THREE, TWO...
TWO, THREE...
AH, THREE, TWO...
A-THREE, A-FOUR.
TWO, THREE...
THIS IS BORING, YET DIFFICULT.
THERE'S NO TRICK TO DANCING.
IT'S JUST A MATTER
OF COORDINATION.
HELL, IF YOU CAN RIDE A BIKE
OR SKIP ROPE OR KICK A BALL
YOU CAN CERTAINLY...
ALL RIGHT, ONCE AGAIN.
AND A-ONE
TWO... OH! THREE...
YOU'RE REALLY DOING
VERY WELL, DR. CRANE.
EARLIER, YOU SEEMED A BIT TENSE.
YOU'VE REALLY RELAXED
NOW, HAVEN'T YOU?
HEY, YOU TWO ARE
LOOKING PRETTY SHARP.
I THINK WE'RE READY TO
MOVE ON TO THE SAMBA.
EDDIE, FETCH ME A SAMBA TAPE.
XAVIER CUGAT.
NOW HE'S THINKING
"THE LATER HOLLYWOOD STUFF
OR THE EARLY NEW
YORK RECORDINGS?"
NOW GUESS WHAT I'M THINKING.
I'LL GET IT MYSELF.
I'M GOING TO HIT THE HAY.
♪ GOOD NIGHT, BEND AND TURN ♪
♪ SEE YOU IN THE MORNING ♪
♪ SPIN AND DIP ♪
( phone ringing)
♪ OH, THERE'S MY PHONE ♪
♪ FLIP AND PUSH ♪
♪ NILES CRANE! ♪
OH, MARJORIE.
HOW ARE YOU?
OH, WHAT A SHAME.
WELL, NO, THAT'S ALL RIGHT.
THERE'LL BE OTHER DANCES.
NO, NO, I UNDERSTAND COMPLETELY.
TAKE CARE.
I GUESS I WON'T BE NEEDING
THOSE DANCING LESSONS.
I GUESS NOT.
I'M SORRY, SON.
COULDN'T FIND ANY CUGIE
BUT THIS WILL DO.
ALL RIGHT NOW...
IN THE SAMBA
YOU HAVE TO HOLD
ME A LITTLE CLOSER.
THERE'S ONE THING I
WANTED TO MENTION.
YEAH.
I'M A DANCER.
A DANCER DANCES.
Daphne: WELL, LOOK WHO'S HERE.
IT'S MY DANCING PARTNER.
HELLO, FRED.
HELLO, GINGER.
IT'S A LITTLE JOKE WE HAVE.
LOOK, DAPHNE.
I GOT TWO NEW CD'S TODAY.
TONIGHT, WE MASTER THE
MAMBO AND THE CONGA.
I FEEL MYSELF GROWING A PENCIL-THIN
MOUSTACHE JUST SAYING THAT.
YOU'RE HAVING MORE
LESSONS TONIGHT?
OH, YES. HE'S GOING TO BE
THE BEST DANCER AT THE BALL.
I'LL JUST GO GET
US SOME COFFEES.
WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL HER
YOUR DATE HAD CANCELED?
YOU DON'T NEED MORE LESSONS.
I WANTED TO, BUT SHE'S
JUST HAVING SO MUCH FUN.
COME ON, NILES.
YOU THINK I DON'T
SEE THE WAY YOU LOOK AT DAPHNE?
WHAT ARE YOU IMPLYING?
YOU KNOW DAMN WELL
WHAT I'M IMPLYING.
YOU'RE STICKING A FORK
IN THE TOASTER HERE.
WELL, MY MUFFIN'S STUCK.
BESIDES, WHAT'S THE HARM
IN A FEW DANCE LESSONS?
IT'S NIGHTTIME, YOU'RE ALONE.
THE MUSIC'S ON.
YOU'VE GOT YOUR ARMS AROUND HER.
YOU'LL SAY SOMETHING
YOU CAN'T TAKE BACK.
I HAVE NO INTENTION
OF SAYING ANYTHING.
NO ONE EVER DOES...
TAKE MY WORD FOR IT.
WHEN I WAS SEPARATED
FROM YOUR MOTHER
THERE WAS THIS PRETTY
CORONER IN THE CITY MORGUE.
I ALWAYS HAD
A BIT OF A CRUSH ON HER.
WHENEVER WE'D FIND A
DEAD BODY, I'D YELL OUT
"OKAY, BOYS, I'LL
TAKE IT FROM HERE."
SO THIS ONE NIGHT
I INVITED HER DOWN
TO THE CORNER BAR...
CORONERS HAVE THEIR OWN BARS?
NO. "CORNER," NILES...
THE CORNER BAR!
ANYWAY, WE HAD A FEW DRINKS.
THE LIGHTS WERE LOW,
SINATRA ON THE JUKEBOX.
BEFORE I KNEW IT
IT JUST ALL CAME POURING
OUT... I TOLD HER HOW I FELT.
I KNEW THE SECOND IT WAS OUT
OF MY MOUTH, IT WAS A MISTAKE.
SHE LET ME DOWN
EASY, BUT WE STILL
HAD TO GO ON SEEING
EACH OTHER ALL THE TIME.
IT SURE WAS NO FUN GOING
TO THE MORGUE AFTER THAT.
SO, WHAT TIME ARE WE STARTING
YOUR LESSONS TONIGHT, DR. CRANE?
ACTUALLY, THAT
WON'T BE NECESSARY.
I GOT A CALL FROM MARJORIE.
I WON'T BE GOING TO THE BALL.
OH... WELL, I'M SORRY.
IT'S QUITE ALL RIGHT.
THANK YOU FOR ALL YOUR HELP.
IT SEEMS SUCH A SHAME
TO WASTE ALL THAT HARD WORK.
I HOPE YOU DON'T THINK
I'M BEING TOO FORWARD
BUT WHAT WOULD YOU SAY ABOUT
OUR GOING TO THE DANCE TOGETHER?
HE'S ALREADY TAKEN UP
TOO MUCH OF YOUR TIME, DAPHNE.
HE COULDN'T ASK YOU TO DO THAT.
IT WOULD BE FUN FOR ME.
I'D LOVE AN ELEGANT EVENING OUT.
WHAT DO YOU SAY, DR. CRANE?
TELL HER WHAT
YOU SAY, DR. CRANE.
PICK YOU UP
AT 7:00?
OH, YES! GREAT.
NO, EDDIE, THAT'S
NOT YOUR BANANA.
THAT'S MR. PIG.
LISTEN TO THE DIFFERENCE:
"PIG." "BANANA."
"PIG."
"BANANA."
I STILL LOVE YOU,
YOU LITTLE PINHEAD.
GO SIT DOWN.
OH! FRASIER, AM I
GLAD YOU'RE BACK.
DAD, PLEASE... I'VE JUST SPENT
THE MOST WONDERFUL
SIX DAYS WITH FREDERICK.
I AM TECHNICALLY
STILL ON VACATION
UNTIL 10:00 A.M. TOMORROW.
YEAH, BUT LISTEN...
"BUT, BUT, BUT, BUT, BUT..."
DAD, I DO NOT CARE TO KNOW
HOW HARD DAPHNE
MADE YOU EXERCISE...
OR ABOUT THE BORING FOREIGN FILM
NILES MADE YOU SIT THROUGH...
OR ABOUT THE PROGRESS OF
EDDIE'S ON-AGAIN, OFF-AGAIN ROMANCE
WITH THE OTTOMAN.
BUT YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND...
DAD, PLEASE.
FOR ALL INTENTS AND
PURPOSES, I AM NOT HERE.
( doorbell rings)
THAT WOULD BE ME DATE.
OOH, I'M SO EXCITED.
THIS IS ME FIRST BALL.
I HOPE HE LIKES ME DRESS.
DAPHNE.
HELLO, DR. CRANE.
WELCOME BACK.
HELLO.
WOW!
( laughing): OH...
YOU...
HERE YOU ARE. THANK YOU.
NILES.
OH, FRASIER, YOU'RE BACK.
WELL, OUR CARRIAGE AWAITS.
GET HOME AT A DECENT
HOUR. I'LL WAIT UP.
( laughing): OH, MR. CRANE...
WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT?
EDDIE, DID YOU HEAR SOMETHING?
IT CAN'T BE FRASIER. HE'S STILL
ON VACATION.
DAD, WHAT WAS THAT?
DAD, WILL YOU STOP
KIDDING AROUND?
WAS THAT A DATE? DAD!
Daphne: OH!
OH, DR. CRANE,
IT'S SO BEAUTIFUL!
UH, JUST FOR TONIGHT,
COULD YOU CALL ME NILES?
YOU KNOW, WHEN I WAS AT SCHOOL
I KNEW A BOY NAMED NILES.
I CALLED HIM "NILEY."
JUST FOR TONIGHT,
COULD YOU CALL ME NILES?
YOU'RE A VISION.
EVERYONE'S STARING AT YOU.
OH, YOU LOOK AWFULLY
HANDSOME YOURSELF...
NILES.
( giddy laughter)
OH... UH... WOULD YOU
LIKE SOME CHAMPAGNE?
OH, THAT WOULD BE LOVELY.
BE BACK IN A MOMENT.
UH, TWO CHAMPAGNES,
TOUT DE SUITE.
NILES, DEAR...
HOW ARE YOU?
JUST FINE, THANKS.
ANDREW, SAY HELLO
TO NILES.
HAVEN'T SEEN YOU FOR AGES.
WE FEEL JUST TERRIBLE
ABOUT YOU AND MARIS.
Woman: OH, YES, WE
WERE JUST DEVASTATED
POSITIVELY EVERYONE
IS TALKING ABOUT IT.
OH? HOW IS
"POSITIVELY EVERYONE"?
DEVASTATED.
WE WERE JUST
SAYING THAT TO MARIS
WHEN WE RAN INTO HER AND
BARCLAY PAXTON AT THE BREEDER'S CUP.
NO, SHE WAS WITH CARLO
RINALDI AT THE BREEDER'S CUP.
( laughing): WELL, IT'S
SO HARD TO KEEP TRACK.
ANYWAY, NILES, IF THERE'S
ANYTHING WE CAN DO
TO CHEER YOU UP,
JUST LET US KNOW.
PERHAPS A MURDER-SUICIDE PACT.
WELL... THEY WEREN'T VERY NICE.
EVERYONE IN OUR SET
SEEMS TO HAVE THIS IDEA
THAT WHILE MARIS IS
OUT LIVING THE HIGH LIFE
I'M SITTING AT HOME,
CRUSHED AND LONELY.
YEAH, WELL, NEVER MIND
THOSE GOSSIPY TWITS.
TONIGHT, YOU'RE ALL MINE.
NOW, TAKE ME IN YOUR ARMS, NILES
AND LET THE MUSIC CARRY US AWAY.
( orchestra finishes number)
THANK YOU. WE'LL BE
BACK IN TEN MINUTES.
( orchestra playing waltz)
( orchestra finishes number)
( both laughing)
OH, I CAN'T REMEMBER
WHEN I'VE HAD A BETTER TIME.
I'M ON CLOUD NINE!
I'D HAVE TO LOOK DOWN
TO SEE CLOUD NINE.
DAPHNE, I MUST TELL YOU AGAIN:
THAT IS AN EXQUISITE GOWN.
OH, THANKS.
IT WAS WAY OUT OF ME PRICE RANGE
BUT DID YOU EVER SEE
SOMETHING AND SAY
"I JUST HAVE TO HAVE IT"?
WHERE'S MY CHAIR? OH...
( orchestra playing a tango)
OH, A TANGO!
OH, YOU NEVER TAUGHT ME A TANGO.
OH, YOU'LL LOVE IT.
IT'S PERFECT FOR YOU.
THIS IS A PASSIONATE,
FULL-BLOODED DANCE
THAT ROSE UP FROM THE
SLUMS OF BUENOS AIRES.
WELL, THE PARALLELS BETWEEN ME
AND AN UNEMPLOYED GAUCHO ASIDE
I THINK WE PROBABLY SHOULD
JUST SIT THIS ONE OUT.
OH, NONSENSE.
THERE'S ONLY ONE
RULE IN THE TANGO.
WHAT?
OUR BODIES MUST BE
IN CONTINUOUS CONTACT
WITH NOT A SLIVER OF
DAYLIGHT BETWEEN US.
I CAN DO THAT.
LOOSEN UP.
DON'T BE AFRAID.
DAPHNE WON'T LET
ANYTHING HAPPEN TO YOU.
I DON'T THINK...
DON'T THINK.
JUST FEEL.
YOU'RE AN ARGENTINE
SLUM-DWELLER.
YOU HAVE NO HOUSE, NO CAR.
YOU DON'T KNOW
WHERE YOUR NEXT
MEAL IS COMING FROM.
BUT NONE OF THAT
MATTERS, BECAUSE TONIGHT...
WE HAVE THE TANGO.
( Spanish accent): OH,
MAMA, I'VE GOT IT ALL!
THAT'S IT!
YOU'RE DAZZLING!
YOU'RE BRILLIANT!
BUT I FEEL YOU'RE HOLDING BACK.
I AM.
THIS IS NO TIME
FOR INHIBITIONS.
I KNOW.
OH, LET IT OUT, NILES.
LET EVERYTHING OUT.
OH, DAPHNE...
I ADORE YOU!
I ADORE YOU TOO.
WHAT?
I ADORE YOU TOO.
OH! HOW I'VE LONGED
TO HEAR THOSE WORDS!
HOW I'VE LONGED TO SAY THEM.
YOU'RE BEAUTIFUL.
YOU'RE A GODDESS.
I DON'T EVER WANT
THIS MOMENT TO END.
THEN LET'S NOT LET IT.
( orchestra finishes number)
THIS IS THE MOST
GLORIOUS NIGHT OF MY LIFE.
OH, MINE TOO.
OH, DAPHNE, I'M A NEW MAN.
DO YOU HAVE ANY
IDEA WHAT I'M FEELING?
OH, OF COURSE I DO.
YOUR FRIENDS LOOK
POSITIVELY DUMBSTRUCK.
FROM NOW ON, THERE'LL BE NO MORE
OF THAT "OH, POOR
NILES" ATTITUDE.
FAR FROM IT.
OH, I KNEW YOU
WERE A GOOD DANCER
BUT I HAD NO IDEA YOU
WERE SUCH A GOOD ACTOR.
ACTOR?
"OH, DAPHNE, YOU'RE A GODDESS."
"DAPHNE, I ADORE YOU."
WE FOOLED EVERYONE, DIDN'T WE?
OH.
OH... WE CERTAINLY
DID, DIDN'T WE?
I'M SURPRISED IT WAS SO EASY.
WELL, GIVEN THE
RIGHT CIRCUMSTANCES
ANYONE CAN BE FOOLED.
MMM...
OOH... WHAT DO YOU
SAY TO ANOTHER DANCE?
NO, THANKS.
IT'S GETTING LATE, AND
I'VE DANCED ENOUGH.
ALL RIGHT, THEN.
I'LL JUST GO POWDER MY NOSE
AND THEN WE'LL BE OFF.
NILES?
NO, NO, PLEASE.
CLAIRE BARNES?
I WAS AN ASSOCIATE IN
YOUR ATTORNEY'S OFFICE.
OH, YES, CLAIRE. IT'S
GOOD TO SEE YOU AGAIN.
WELL, I HEARD
ABOUT YOU AND MARIS
AND I JUST WANTED
TO GIVE YOU MY CARD
AND LET YOU KNOW THAT
YOU'RE FREE TO CALL ME ANYTIME.
THANK YOU. I'M HAPPY
WITH MY ATTORNEY.
I MEANT TO GO DANCING.
OH.
WELL, THANKS.
WELL, ARE YOU READY?
UH...
NO, I DON'T THINK I AM.
I BEG YOUR PARDON?
UH, I MEAN, YES, LET'S GO.
OH. WE HAD A TIME
TONIGHT, DIDN'T WE?
WE CERTAINLY DID.
OH, AND TO THINK
YOU ALMOST DIDN'T
COME TO THE BALL.
YOU KNOW, IT'S SUCH A
SHAME WHEN PEOPLE LET FEAR
STOP THEM FROM
TRYING NEW THINGS.
EXCUSE ME.
I'M READY NOW.
[CAPTIONING SPONSORED BY
PARAMOUNT TELEVISION, NBC]
[CAPTIONED BY THE CAPTION CENTER
WGBH EDUCATIONAL FOUNDATION]