Franklin & Bash (2011–2014): Season 1, Episode 6 - Big Fish - full transcript

Let me guess --
Franklin and Bash?

Yes.

But we don't have
an appointment.

Oh, you're probably good.

Roll this way.

♪ ...John donne believe ♪

-I do not.
-Yes, you do.

You do not wash the sink
after you shave.

You leave toenail
clippings all over the place.

What? No, I don't.
Prove it.

"Prove it"?
How am I supposed to prove it?



Offer me tangible proof,
counselor.

"Tangible proof."

Gentlemen,
clients here to see you.

We're on a conference call.

Whoa.

-Oh. Margot!
-Hey!

I told you
that would work.

Show him. Show him.

Oh, that is great!
Look at that.

-Ahh, that is a thing of beauty.
-Whoa. Piece of work.

Did you find her
on the strand?

Uh, in the marina, actually.

Margot and I had
a lovely afternoon.

Yeah,
and these floors are sick.



I'm gonna go do crossovers
in the lobby.

Actually, you're not.
Come with me.

Oh, okay.

Innovative thinking.

That's exactly
what I'm looking for.

Well, it was sort of
our marketing style

at our old firm --

Franklin & Bash, LLC,
although you weren't actually

a limited liability corporation,
were you?

Truthfully, we just
like the way "LLC" sounds.

Like anybody ever checks.

Gentlemen, I would like
to put you on retainer.

Let me get you a chair,
Mr., uh...

Lang.
Carter Lang.

I would have thought you two
would have a better poker face.

This is our poker face.

'Cause inside we're thinking,

"This is the C.E.O.
of Groton Financial

who gave himself
$20 million..."

"Even as his company
and all its shareholders

went down the crapper."

Yeah.

But I'd like to try
to change all that.

You know, I'd like to try
and compensate

all those who have suffered

due to my more, uh,
regrettable executive decisions.

What, did you find God?

We'll find out soon enough.

Last week, I went
for my annual physical.

I have the prostate
of a 19-year-old

but the pancreas of a zombie.

I have two months to live.

-Dude, that sucks.
-Sorry.

No, it's okay.

I've actually
never felt more alive,

knowing I'm gonna die soon.

But I only have a little bit
of time left,

and I need to aggressively
liquidate the assets

to compensate the shareholders,
and that's why I need you two.

Estate planning
and corporate law

aren't really our strengths.

-I mean --
-No, no, no, no.

I have a fleet of corporate
lawyers to handle all of that.

You two -- you bring
other skills to the table.

We'd like to help you out.

Yeah,
if it's gonna help pay back

some of the people
that you've screwed over.

Gentlemen,
I assure you it will.

Thank you.
Thank you very much.

I'll be in touch.

All right.

Oh, by the way,

do you happen to have
Margot's number?

She promised me
she'd teach me to long-board.

I'm sorry.
Actually, I don't have --

Nah, what do you need --
home number, cell?

What?

Nothing.

♪ Franklin & Bash 1x06 ♪
Big Fish
Original Air Date on July 6, 2011

♪ Ooh, what a mixture ♪

♪ such a vivid picture ♪

♪ ooh, what a mixture ♪

♪ if I must say so myself ♪

== sync, corrected by elderman ==

You know,
I've dealt with a few

of these Carter Langs
in my time, and I must say,

these death-bed conversions
make me very skeptical.

Guy seems to have had a
change of heart. We all make mistakes.

And he was on roller skates.

I mean, bad guys
don't roller-skate.

There's science
that backs that up.

We feel good about this.

All right, good.
Well, then congratulations.

I guess you you guys
should be rewarded

for landing such a big fish,

so here are my floor seats
for Staples tonight.

-Hanging with Jack.
-Yeah.

More like Penny Marshall.
These are Clipper tickets.

It's Carter Lang,
not Bill and Melinda Gates.

The blowback
for representing this turd

could be quite significant.

All right,
third nacho boat was a bad idea.

You think?

Unless, of course,
I die tomorrow,

and then I will regret
having not had

that third round
of nacho deliciousness.

You are not
gonna die tomorrow.

You know what?
Fortnight ago,

Carter Lang
thought the same thing.

"A fortnight ago"?
What are you, Samuel Clemens?

I am Samuel Clemens.

-Hey.
-What are you doing here?

Carter Lang
sent over some files.

Figured you might
want to get started.

Hmm.

So, you meet this Allen yet?

No, but it's
only been two weeks.

You know, it is weird
that you're still

-just in the texting phase.
-Mm.

Well,
I'm trying to figure out

if he wants something more
or to be just, you know, F.W.B.

-Ah.
-Debbie, you are talking

to two of the masters
of text subtext.

All right, read one.
Come on.

Come on.

Um..."I dreamt about you
last night."

-Mm.
-Okay.

-He definitely wants benefits.
-Mm-hmm.

So you keep it light
and flirty.

Yeah, write back,

"Would you consider us
closer friends now?"

Oh.

Yeah, we're that good.

Okay, thanks.

I'll see you guys tomorrow.

-All right.
-Okay.

-Yeah.
-Wait.

What, that's it -- a half-day?

-Oh. See? Kids.
-Yep.

Kids and their rock and
roll and their loud music.

YouTube.

-Hey.
-Hello.

You delivered Carter Lang
to Franklin and Bash?

Oh, come on.
He wasn't wearing a sign

that said "Litigious
scumbag millionaire."

Besides, I got my eye
on some bigger game.

-Who?
-Abha Jaya.

Founder of Mandolin Exports?

Everyone's
been trying to land her

since she fired her lawyers,

but no one has
because she is bananas.

Which means she's fragile.

There's only one way
to catch a butterfly --

get close
and let her land on you.

You want in?

We work good together.

Yeah, we made some rain.

But I think we need to
add one more to our team.

-Abha is Indian.
-Yeah.

Of the 116 lawyers
we have here and in New York,

we only have one
of Indian descent.

Okay, so we use Pindar
to help sign her,

and then we hip-check bubble boy
into the boards.

Oh, that's totally heartless.

Let's do it.

Gentlemen.

I may have a problem.

-Chafing?
-Wrong door.

This is solutions.

Like, you might be able
to liquidate half

of Groton Financial's
foreign assets

without going through
receivership.

That may pay back
some shareholders.

Excellent.

Not exactly
what I'm talking about.

Oh, if you're getting me

the ironic male stripper again,
not the time.

There's always time
for strippers.

Are you Carter Lang?

Yes, that's Carter Lang.
I work with him.

Jared, Peter,
I'd like you to meet my protégé,

-Johnny Stills.
-John Stills, thank you.

Mr. Lang, you're
under arrest for grand larceny.

Whoa, whoa, guys,
hold up. Hold up. Hold up.

As C.E.O., Mr. Lang
is within his rights

-to liquidate Groton's assets.
-Well, that's super.

But I'm talking about my boat.
He stole it.

-What?
-No way.
-Johnny, please.

Where would I hide
an 80-foot yacht,

not to mention
the considerable proceeds

from its rapid foreign sale?

I don't know, Carter --
somewhere I couldn't find them?

You have any proof?

Yeah, 20 knots
in a no-wake zone.

Harbor master
got him on video.

We'll burn you a DVD.

Gentlemen,
time to earn your money.

Hey, what are you doing
in first class?

I've been promoted
to Major Crimes.

Really?

We wipe the floor with you every
other month, and you fail upward?

I want to work
in the D.A.'s office.

Not exactly.
Our case load's been heavy,

and what with your ex-fiancée
leaving soon

on a 2-week Italian honeymoon
and bangfest,

Harrison put me on this.

Ladies.

"Bangfest."

Your honor, the fact that
Mr. Lang paid himself millions

while costing thousands
of mom-and-pop investors

their entire life savings should
not impact on your ability

to be impartial
in setting his bail.

Thank you, Ms. Swatello.

Bail is set at $1 million.

Your honor, come on.

-They take cash, right?
-Yes.

I think we can post that
right now.

Your honor,
we can post that right now.

Oh, look.
They washed off all the blood.

I know who Abha Jaya is.

She's the founder
of the Mandolin Exports empire

and is looking to expand
her operation into the U.S.

Correct. And we thought
with your extensive knowledge

of local tax codes
that you could help us.

Oh, and the fact that
Pindy is Indian and so is Abha?

Oh, my God,
I had not even thought of that.

-Did you think of that?
-No.

Well, that's great.
That's an added bonus.

Thank you so much
for pointing that out, uh...

-Carmen.
-Carmen.

Uh, he is not interested
in signing clients, okay?

If he wanted to work in sales,

he'd go back home and work
at a call center in Mumbai.

They called me, okay?
Geez.

Are you familiar with minders,
finders, and grinders, Pindar?

Yes, minders
take care of the clients,

finders sign new ones,
and grinders do the grunt work.

And what are you?

Somebody has to
descend into the coal mine

and hunt for precedents
and obscure law.

I am proud to be a grinder.

Fair enough, but do you
get the respect you deserve

from Franklin and Bash
for being a grinder?

Pindar, tell the truth.

Yes, he does.

All right, well, let us
know if you change your mind

and you'd like to join our team.

I will.

-Crap.
-Wow.

If you can't close Pindar,
how are you gonna --

I'm sorry.
Was I alone on this call?

Oh.

When you said
"liquidating assets,"

we assumed you meant
company assets.

Company assets, yes.

That's adorable.

You two have no idea
how Wall Street works, do you?

Groton Financial is a carcass.

It's been picked clean
by upper management.

-You mean by you.
-And a lot of others.

If I want to reimburse people,

I have to go
where the meat is now.

I bet posing as a vendor's a
good way to break into a house.

-Sorry?
-Nothing.

One pretzel, my good man,
extra mustard. Thank you.

Carter,
what are you planning?

I have a kind of a bucket list.

I have a feeling
it's not learning French

or playing Pebble Beach.

As your lawyers,
we have to inform you that --

No, no, no, no, no.
No, I'm not listening to you.

Delicious.

Can you believe I used to
spend $400 on lunch?

Keep the change.

Put them in a good trade school.
That's where the future is.

Thank you, sir.
Keep the pretzel cart.

Yacht money.

Okay, that was pretty cool.

Well, the working stiffs
deserve a break.

There's a lot of other guys
out there,

sleazy guys,
guys like John Stills.

They deserve something else.

You know, Carter --

Gentlemen,
I don't have a lot of time left

to do what I know is right.

You're not gonna change my mind.

This is my temple.

Karp and Hanna asked for your
help to sign a client? Why?

Quit acting so surprised.
I have things to offer.

Otherwise,
why would you have hired me?

You double as our I.T. guy.

You paid us to be our intern.

The client and I
have a lot in common.

Like what?

Overlapping phobias.

We both collect PEZ dispensers.

We both kept all our baby teeth.

And what kind of
legal support will you provide,

besides being her mirror image
of crazy?

That has not yet
been clearly defined,

and you offend me.

Just watch your back with Karp.

And who has my back here, huh?

I am going to lend my expertise
to Karp and Hanna

because I am a grinder.

What's with him?

Really?
You ask that now?

You know, I hate
to pop your bromance bubble,

but, um, you two could learn

to be a little bit
more appreciative

of the things people do
around here.

Think she's right?

It's food for thought.

Pindar!

It's for you!

Man.

Hello?

Are you kidding me?

So, your own naked fun
run is part of the bucket list?

Yes, it is.

You should try it sometime.

Used to.
Had to give it up -- bad knees.

And how does
getting arrested on a nude jog

help the shareholders?

It's not all about money.

I want them to feel satisfied.

I have a feeling a humiliating
shot of me in the newspapers

ought to make them smile.

You believe him?

I don't know, but I'm
betting they'd prefer the cash.

Yes,
in previous bail hearings,

we promised Mr. Lang
would stay out of trouble,

but, your honor, as we
stated earlier, he's dying.

And trying to achieve closure.

He was naked in
a neighborhood with families.

And you kind of wish
he was in your neighborhood?

-What? What? Your honor?
-What?

Your honor,
this is a misdemeanor.

Bail schedule for indecent
exposure is $10,000, correct?

-Yep.
-But, uh...

Except this is his second
offense in the last 24 hours.

The people request bail
in the amount of 2 --

5 -- 10 -- $10 million.

-$10 million --
-Your honor.

It's all right.
It's okay.

Your honor, I can have that
for you by tomorrow.

Okay,
bail is set at $10 million.

Whoa, what is he doing here?

Uh, your honor,
in light of recent revelations,

we ask that this man be held
in custody without bail.

-What revelations?
-He broke into my house.

I forgot to hydrate, Johnny.

-I had to have a drink.
-Yeah?

Out of a $8,000 bottle
of Pinot seurat?

-That's high, John.
-That's not the point.

That had turned.
It was vinegary.

The point is,
you stole from me, Carter.

The tannins were all --

Are you accusing Carter Lang
of breaking and entering?

Yes, your honor.

He also stole approximately
$5 million in bearer bonds.

Ms. Swatello,

do you have any evidence
against Mr. Lang?

He was apprehended
a block from Mr. Stills' home...

Circumstantial, your honor.

... where his clothing was found
in Mr. Stills' wine cellar.

Dude, you are so much better
as a white-collar criminal.

I had to nude-up
to get out the window.

It was a very tight space.

I know
what you're doing, Carter.

That's more than I can
say for your barber, Johnny.

Oh, really? That's
interesting, coming from you.

You know a lot about haircuts,
would you?

Mine is
a genetic problem, John.

Oh, it is? Genetic? Really?

It's about
testosterone production.

Enough!
That's two felonies

and one misdemeanor
within 24 hours, Mr. Lang --

not quite three strikes,

but close enough for me
to remand you without bail.

This time,
you're staying in jail.

Bailiff, get him out of here.

That went well.

How are you?
Good to see you.

Ah.

Well, Jared's checking in
with Lang's doctor.

If we get him to testify, we might
get some leniency from the judge.

-Well, that's smart.
-Yeah.

It seems like Lang's trying
to fix things, you know?

You know, it's better
to give with a warm hand

-than a cold one...
-Yeah.

...Which is why
I give 10% of my income

to 73 different charities
worldwide.

I'll remember that.

Well, you don't have to.
I can take care of it.

How about half your bonus
to Save the Children?

I'll put it in a side letter.

-Uh, thank you.
-Mm, no!

Thank you!

Wh--

Hey, I talked
to Lang's doctor.

Uh-oh.
Not good?

No.

He's got less
than two months to live?

Worse.

-Hey, Carter.
-Carter!

One of the advantages
of being a pariah --

I get a single.

And I can finally
get to reading again.

I just hope I have time to
finish "The Brothers Karamazov."

Oh...

I think you're
gonna get there.

-Yeah.
-Yeah.

-We have some news.
-Yeah.

We, uh, went
and saw your doctor today.

Sometimes it helps to get a
doctor's note when getting leniency.

It's like high school, really.

Is there a problem?

No, more of a...development.

You were misdiagnosed.

What?

What have I got?

Uh...Nothing.

There was a mix-up in the lab.

You're a healthy
48-year-old man.

Wait. Wait. Wait. Wait.

I-I'm healthy?

Yeah.

Except, you know,
you're in jail for -- what?

Pfft. Many, many years.

Like a lot.

♪ My time will come ♪

♪ I believe it ♪

Ugh.

♪ My time will come ♪

Well, you did break the law.

I was told I was dying.

You told me
that would be mitigating.

Well, it's not foolproof.

I mean, theoretically,
everybody is dying.

All right,
let's try and find some way

to mitigate this,
shall we, boys?

Hey, we're on the same team.

No, no, no, no, no,

that would imply
we're teammates, equals.

You work for me.

I have another meeting
in five minutes.

Let's start without him.

Yes, okay, well,

we have over 100 lawyers here
and in New York --

I don't fly.
I'm aviophobic.

And you don't --
you don't have to fly.

We're just saying we have infrastructure
in place on both coasts.

I like intimacy.

Don't think just because
you have a lot of lawyers,

it's going to impress me.

Oh, look -- a lawyer
on your team who looks like me.

Where do I sign?

Sorry I'm late, guys.

I ate a cookie that might have
been made in a facility

where peanuts, soy,
and milk are packed.

In case I'm allergic,

I had to double-check
the expiration on my epipen.

Crisis averted.
Let's --

Yes, let's get started.
So --

I never leave home without
my epipen...or latex gloves.

And surgical masks aren't
just for S.A.R.S. anymore.

S.A.R.S. --
Another reason

all birds should be destroyed.

And, of course,
you can't go anywhere

Tell me about it.

I developed an immunity
to over-the-counter sanitizers.

So I make my own
out of kerosene, aloe vera,

and my own patented
bleaching ingredient.

I am intrigued.

I look forward to meeting you,
Pindar, in person.

-Let's schedule a meeting.
-That would be fine.

Actually, you should know

that Pindar's not gonna be part
of the traveling team.

He's agoraphobic.

Well, as someone who has

her own psychological issues,
I understand.

In fact, I was diagnosed
with a new one today --

stimulatic acute reflux.

That's quite impressive.

I'll come to you, Pindar.

I don't know
if that's the best --

My office will send my
allergy list to you. Bye, now.

Guys, that went fantastic.
Great job, team!

Okay, on the count of three,
let's break.

One --

Man cave.
Awesome.

Maybe we caught him
on a bad day.

Let's cut him some slack.

-Here you go.
-Thank you.

I'm guessing no face time yet?

-We're both busy.
-Mm.

Debbie, men who text
only want sex.

Why? Because it rhymes?

We know how men
manipulate women --

the "Aw, shucks,
I'm just shy and quirky.

Let's take it slow."

Next thing you know, it's 2:00 a.m.,
you're naked in a bouncy house.

It's been known to happen.

Maybe I like the bouncy house.

You try to help some people.

Yeah. We try.

We try.

Mr. Stills, is it true
that you purchased the items

that were liberated
from your home --

You mean "stolen."

The yacht,
the Pinot seurat,

even the bearer bonds --
those were all bought

by bonus money you received
from 2006 to 2010?

Yes, I believe so.

That's a hell of a bonus.

Would you tell the jury

the accounting practices
that allowed you that bonus?

Objection. Relevance?
Mr. Stills is not on trial.

Sustained.

Mr. Stills,
you mind if I tell you a story?

Do I have a choice?

Ah, blah.

Peter and I were a couple months
behind on rent once.

I think it was like seven?

-What?
-Seven.

One night we came home
to find our $1,800 TV missing.

Turns out our landlady took it

to make up for the rent
she was owed.

Now, Mr. Stills,
did Mrs. Harrelson steal our TV?

Yes, I would say she did.

-That's what we said.
-I...

But she didn't.

The doctrine
of right to self-help

allows corrective measures
to be taken by private citizens

in order to redress
gross injustices.

That's what Carter Lang
was doing

by returning
the shareholders' money.

Carter Lang is not a landlord.

Do we really need to hear this,
your honor?

Listen to it
if you want, Mr. Nelson.

I respect your creativity,
Mr. Franklin,

so I'll give you
a little leeway.

Do you have
any substantive evidence?

Your honor,

what we're doing here
is kind of arguing by analogy.

Well, then,
here's an analogy for you --

if this court were a creek, you,
counselor, don't have a paddle.

That's a lame analogy.
Ours were way better.

Excuse me?

We agree, your honor.

That's it, hmm,
the self-help thing?

What is this, lawyer camp?

We've had success
with analogies.

You did steal a lot of stuff.

Some of it while naked.

You know what
Wall Street got right?

-Skyboxes?
-Ukrainian hookers?

Motivation, bonuses,

employees that eat
what they kill.

I'd like to see
if I can motivate you boys.

Oh, Carter,
we can't take bonuses

on the outcome of your case.

We can't?

No, you misunderstand.

You reviewed the penal-code
sections for burglary

prior to my breaking
into that house.

I mean, my office sent you files
and blueprints

of Johnny Stills' house.

-Mm-hmm.
-So...

Well, it's just
with those records,

it wouldn't be hard
to make a case

that you two had prior knowledge
of my future crimes.

I think that makes you
accessories,

and
given your reputation

and the way that prosecutor
looked at you...

Carter, threatening us
isn't gonna do any good.

Really?
'Cause I find that fear

is a much better motivator
than money.

You know, I liked you a
lot better when you were dying.

Go to Stills.

Tell him to get the D.A.
to drop the charges,

and I will give him back
some of his toys.

And try not to be total pussies
and give away the whole farm.

Hello.

You must be Ms. Jaya.

Please come in.
Mr. Singh is expecting you.

Just so you know,

we're not sure
what you're gonna see in here.

Yes, Pindar has roommates,
and so he's not

entirely responsible
for the condition of his home.

Wow.

Ms. Jaya, thank you
so much for coming today.

A gift,
from my personal PEZ collection.

First edition?

These are priceless.

Thank you.

Tea?

Thank you.
That would be lovely.

And so is your home.

Thank you.

No way he has a case, right?

It's just a desperate
threat by a desperate guy.

There's no way
we'd do hard time.

The Buddha says
that physical deprivation

can lead
to spiritual enlightenment.

We're gonna bite the pillow.

Boys, nothing's changed.

Carter Lang is still
your client, period,

so just win his freedom.

Well, okay,
here's the thing --

he's really, really guilty.

Oh, and one more thing --
he's a total dick.

Eh? Nevertheless.

Yeah, well, all right.

We could go to Stills

and talk to him
about dropping the charges

if Lang returns
the stolen property.

And what about
the other Groton Financial execs

who made a bundle?

No, Lang only went after Stills.

Which is odd
because there was a whole cabal

who got filthy rich at Groton.

Yeah, why did Lang
only go after Stills?

I suggest you find out.

Oh, here we go.

Mr. Stills, can we talk to you
for a minute?

-No.
-Well, we noticed

that Carter Lang focused
his efforts only on you.

Why do you think you're
the only employee he stole from?

Fine. We'll call every
Groton employee to the stand,

and we'll suss it out in court.
It'll be fun.

Yeah, sure. Who knows
what else might turn up?

I can't imagine what it'll do
to the stock price, though.

-Uh, not good.
-Probably gonna plummet.

-Hope so.
-Plummet.

A year ago,
the board decided

that I was gonna become
the new C.E.O. of Groton,

replacing Carter.

He isn't happy.

He thinks that I took his job.

That's why
he was ripping you off?

When he was first diagnosed,

I guess he looked at the rest
of his time left

as a "What the hell?"
So he went after me.

Well, why didn't you
say anything?

That would tear down our Robin Hood
defense and establish motive.

Because the board wants
to keep the transfer of power

drama-free, right?

So Carter Lang
wasn't just stealing from you

to reimburse the shareholders?

Carter?

That's rich.

You want to know
what he calls shareholders?

"The dumb money."

He was just compensating them

because it would look good
in his New York Times obit.

And let me tell you something --
if he walks out a free man,

don't think that another
Fortune 500 company

won't hire him as their C.E.O.

An ordinance
is prohibiting me

from building a clearance center
in Turlock

that exceeds
100,000 square feet.

I need to get around it.

Yes, I think
our best course of action --

Well, that's discrimination.
We'll challenge the legislation.

Yes, but a judge
in Fresno --

We'll go to
the Court of Appeals.

Local governments can't set
these types of restrictions.

Yes, but I think
it might be better --

-Do you have kids?
-Excuse me?

Who made that?

That would be...

Artwork.

-Artwork.
- From your niece.

From my niece.
She's in kindergarten.

She used rice.

That's not rice.

What is that?

It looks like...

Oh, those are -- ohh!

Oh, that's toenail clippings.

Ohh.

Oh, no, no,
I'm sure they're not.

-Really?
-I'm sure it's --

oh, God.
It's -- it's toenails.

Who would make art
out of toenail clippings?!

So close to where food
is prepared.

-Are you okay?
-I must lay down.

-Okay.
-No, no.

Not here, not here.
I must get out of here.

And call 911.

Ask for Eduardo!

Tell him Pindar sent you.
He's...My friend.

Hi.

Okay...

...I'm not entirely surprised.

It was Peter and Jared.

Peter was upset that Jared

was leaving his toenail
clippings in the sink.

-Shut up.
-I'm not gonna touch it.

-I was --
-Shut up.

-Get rid of it, but --
-Shut...

So scary.

54 miles per hour.

Wouldn't make it in the majors.

There goes my career
as a dart pitcher.

So, hypothetically...

I'm listening.

...We lose this case

Carter gets convicted
Goes to jail,

law-abiding people stop getting
screwed out of retirement funds.

Yeah, and we do
a little jail time, too.

But we'd be taking a selfish

and dangerous criminal
off the street.

We're not prosecutors.
We're advocates for our clients.

What are you getting at?

Come on.
Performance art is one thing.

Throwing a case is another.

We take a risk every time
we pull a stunt in court.

All I'm talking about
is taking a bigger risk

With less chance
for acquittal.

What's wrong with that?

Or are you just afraid
of doing a little jail time?

Dude, look at me.
I'm a walking dessert cart.

What are you talking about?
I'm the cute one.

Come on.

I hit the bull's-eye,
we do society a favor.

Say it out loud --
we take a dive.

I hit anywhere else, we
represent our client properly.

Come on.

The chances of me hitting that
bull's-eye are very, very low.

So...what do you say?

Go for it.

We were -- we were joking.

Yeah, we're big
into hypotheticals.

I said go for it.

Now...Do what is right.

Forget it, Pindar.
You're done.

But she never heard my
plan to get around the zoning.

And she never will.

We had an inside track,
and you blew it.

Now we're lumped
into a dog-and-pony show

at her restaurant on Lock Choi

with a bunch of other firms
to win over this freak.

-Let me come.
-No.

I will post a guard at the door.

♪ Baby, I need it, I'll beg ♪

♪ baby, I need it, I'll beg ♪

This is not fair.

You know, Pindy,
if you really want to go...

I'll take you.

I would, but I fear
just the sight of my face

will cause Ms. Jaya to go into
some sort of toenail seizure.

The lunch
is at on lock's, right?

Yes.

If there are laptops there,

I could teleconference
my way in,

or if somebody can sneak
my P.D.A. onto the table --

No, that won't work.

Karp or Hanna
will just shut it down.

Okay, I have an idea.

It'll take a unique
delivery system,

but that just might be
its charm.

Technically, I went
about it the wrong way.

But if returning the money
to the shareholders

makes me guilty, then you
better lock me up right now.

Prosecution has no
problem with that, your honor.

Sarcasm --
the poor man's wit.

Sorry.
Did I just hear Janie

practicing her orgasms
in Italian?

But it felt good, though, right,

giving that money back
to all those that deserved it?

Yes, it felt great.

I wish, uh --
I wish I could have done more.

Ah, you know
what else feels good?

Payback.

I don't follow.

Ah, a lot of people
have a lot of reasons

to hate you, don't they?

I suppose.

You suppose?

Dude, I mean, forget the
thousands who lost their jobs

or life savings and pensions.

Let's talk about
your private life.

Let's not.

And how you were
the first in your community

to put up a security fence?

How tall was it?
Was it 10 feet, 12?

We could have the question read
back, Mr. Lang, if you'd like.

14 feet.

14-foot security fence.

Yeah, I guess a $9 million,

27-room Cali-terranean
needs security --

mostly from the ex-wife,
correct?

Do I have to answer that?

Ah, sorry, sorry --
wives.

I mean, probably
a good investment.

Cheated-on wives
tend to get a little hot

when they get screwed
out of alimony.

And they all got what -- zero?

Is that right?

I take the fifth.

Ah, too late. You would have had
to do that when you took the stand.

Isn't that right, your honor?

Yes,
and this line of questioning

better have a purpose,
counselor.

You know,
I do have something to say

about Franklin and Bash.

And we'd love to hear
it...as soon as I'm done.

For right now, why don't you
shut up and answer my questions?

Did you just
tell your client to shut up?

"Go screw yourself" seemed
inappropriate, your honor.

I don't have to take that.

You're right, Mr. Lang.

The law requires you be represented
by competent lawyers.

I suggest you two
get your act together,

or I will declare a mistrial.

You're absolutely right,
your honor.

I'm sorry.

Keep your foot on the gas.

In 1998,
our firm was instrumental

in challenging local laws
and environmental laws

in getting the ballpark built
on the waterfront.

Let us do the same
for your company.

That's great,
but you haven't told me how.

In fact, what I hear
from all of you

is what you've done
with former clients

but not what you'll do for me.

And now you're out of time.

But you haven't heard
our presentation.

I think Infeld/Daniels
had their chance, Ms. Linden.

Thank you all for coming.

I will make my decision
tomorrow.

"A business venture
planted up north

will soon bear fruit."

"Land-use caps
and ordinances

"outlawing big box superstores

are enacted to protect small,
local businesses."

What's going on?

"Put Mandolin
into that category,

just like Whole-Mart
vs. Colton County."

"A 100,000-square-foot space

"could easily be two 50,000- or
even three 30,000-square-footers

and be within code."

Uh, "For more details,

"contact your team
at Infeld/Daniels --

Damien Karp, Hanna Linden,
and Pindar Singh."

How cute.

I know, right?

And thank you for lunch.

Even your employees hated you.

Cash bar at the last
Groton Christmas party?

Come on.

I was implementing a
policy of corporate austerity.

While you gave yourself
a 400% raise.

Mr. Franklin --

Your honor, some leeway?

We're trying to demonstrate
that Mr. Lang is not a nice guy.

In fact, he is a blue-ribbon,
grade-a, top-shelf a-hole.

Actually, that was Ellen's job
to prove, but we did it better.

Mm-hmm.

But, Mr. Lang, even
someone as despicable as you

can change, right?

Would you say
that you've changed

and seen the error of your ways?

Yes.

Yes, profoundly.

And to correct those ways,

are you not legally
giving $129 million --

almost the balance
of your personal estate --

to the shareholders of Groton,

many of whom are here today
in court?

What?

I'm sorry.
I'll speak up.

I said, are you not willing
to put in writing

that you will legally
liquidate your assets

to pay off the debt
to your shareholders?

Yes.

Objection!
I think.

Withdrawn.
No! I object.

We are still in the guilt phase
of this trial.

Whether or not Mr. Lang
feels remorse

-has nothing to do with --
-Sustained.

Thank you.

The prosecution's right,
for once.

Mr. Lang is guilty --

guilty of feeling guilty

and also of doing something
about it,

which is also why he agreed

to spend the next two years
doing volunteer work, correct?

No!

Yes.

In Haiti.

Haiti?

I'm going to Haiti?

Haiti!
I couldn't believe it, either.

Sharing his vast
entrepreneurial expertise

with the small-business owners
there.

Your honor!
Approach the bench?

Mm-hmm.

Your honor,
none of this is relevant.

I-I don't want
to go to Haiti.

You just said
you would, under oath.

I'm happy to add
a perjury charge.

Ohh, perjury --
that would add at least,

-what, three years?
-At least three years.

-Yeah.
-Yeah.

If your client pleads guilty

to a lesser charge, agrees
to pay back all that money,

and leaves for Port-au-Prince
by the weekend,

he's out of jail today.

If not, we'll find out

exactly how much this jury
hates you, Mr. Lang.

♪ My time will come ♪

Your call, Mr. Lang.

♪ I believe it ♪

You have to pull city-planning
files on Merced County.

Already on it,
Captain, my Captain.

Bye, Damien.
Love you, Hanna.

Love you, Pindy.

What the hell is going on?

I'm a team player.

I am loved.
In your face!

Suck on that!

If I could leave the house,
I would...

Here you go.

What is the deal with Pindy?

Who knows?
Cabin fever, tourette's, scurvy.

Hey, congratulations.

Thank you.

Aren't you gonna ask me
about Allen?

-Oh, no, no, unh-unh.
-No, ma'am.

He asked me
to dinner Saturday night --

Capo in Santa Monica.

There you go --
we were wrong.

That's when his wife
will be out of town.

-We were right.
-Mm-hmm.

So, I should say no, right?

I was joking.

Okay, "no," angry face.

No, wait, Debbie.
That's a bummer.

I hope you're okay.

I think so.

No sex -- no harm, no foul.

Good.

And we should make sure that you
and Carmen and Pindy get raises

for all the hard work
you do for us.

It's better to give with
a warm hand than a cold one.

That is very sweet of you.

Yes, it is.

Uh, Infeld/Daniels

usually gives the raises.

Who said that warm hand
had to be mine?

Nicely done, boys.

Hey, thank you.

I knew you'd
do the right thing.

-Thank you, sir.
-And if we hadn't?

Oh, well, it would
have been incumbent upon me

-to have you both disbarred.
-Ah.

By the way,

did you know that I won
the European Pub Cup in '86?

I nailed it with a treble 18
with my last dart.

I think I read that somewhere.

You know what?

Um, give me one
of your hypotheticals.

I feel like I'm in the zone.

Okay, you hit the
bull's-eye, I get Kate Moss

and Isabeli Fontana
and your cabin in Taos.

If you miss it --

Miss it, his bonus
goes to Save the Children.

Excellent.

Wait. What?

-Ohh.
-Aw!

-Yeah.
-I'm sorry.

Wait. No, two out
of three, two out of three.

All right, that's fair.
That's fair.

Ah, well, with regrets
from Kate and Isabeli.

But on behalf of the children,
thank you. Mm.

Seriously, what happened?

You gave with a warm hand.

I'll give you a warm hand.

-What?
-Nothing.

Unfair.

I don't even like children.

They like you.

They do,
but that's just 'cause I --

-You're the same size.
-Shut up.

♪ Wrap it up
'cause there's no doubt ♪

== sync, corrected by elderman ==