Four More Shots Please (2019–…): Season 1, Episode 3 - Four More Shots Please - full transcript
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I like cardio.
That's why I ran away
and came here.
New friends. A new life.
But no matter how far we run,
can we really run away
from ourselves?
Hi!
Oh...sa...ka...
Osaka.
You don't look Japanese.
No, no...
It's Umang.
I know, Umang.
We've met before.
At the gym. Remember?
Come in.
This way.
This film is very
important for my career.
I mean, a woman reaches
a certain age...
...and the movies just dry up.
You know,
all these 50 year old film stars...
...they all want 22 year old heroines.
So...
I'm producing this film.
It's about an ordinary
middle class Indian girl...
...who goes on to becoming
India's first MMA World Champion.
Against all odds!
So...
I have to look like
I can fuckin' fight!
And when I walked into
the gym and saw you bench a 100...
...I knew right away...
...that only you can train me.
So... am I being too ambitious?
No...possible...
Not possible?
Ah! Shit!
I knew it wouldn't be possible.
No, no, I meant...
...of course it's possible.
Why isn't it possible?
Anything is possible!
I mean take the word
'impossible' for instance.
It has 'I-M-POSSIBLE' hidden in it.
#sweatisfatcrying #knowhowtogohome
#liftallday
Just have a little faith and
it's going to be absolutely...
Oh!
Oh!
Did you smoke up
before coming here?
No.
Sorry...
I'm such an ass!
Don't look at me like that...
Are you going to now
tax me for looking at you?
Umi, we were young and
naïve back then.
Naïve...
I'm now 24...
I want to get married...
Fast for my husband...
I want kids...
Just not with me.
Haven't you studied biology?
When you're with me,
I understand biology a little better.
Umi, the sooner you understand this,
the better.
We have no future together.
Why?
Who says so?
Because only a privileged
few have the right to fall in love.
The rest of us have to get married.
'We have to do this,
we have to be responsible...'
Since when have you started
wallowing in this kind of nonsense?
C'mon, let's run
away to Mumbai together!
What shenanigans
are the two of you up to?
We were just doing some cardio.
Trying to get some
running practice going.
Pinky, you're looking
so pretty in this pink outfit.
I'm starving.
Make me something to eat...
Of course, in a minute.
And you...
...go get me some water.
How about you jump in
a well and drown yourself!
Who's going to marry you
if you keep up this attitude?
Unlike you,
I'm not desperate to get married.
Insolent!
How do you even kiss him?
Doesn't he make you want to puke?
He's your brother...
...for me, just a husband.
I told you, you've put on
weight Siddhi.
What is this?
Deepika, what are we
going to do with this girl?
Sneha, relax.
I've worked on such cases before.
I had a client who's lost 40 kilos.
But you know my chums are
going to start in a few days...
So maybe it's the water retention...
-Siddhi, please.
This is not water retention.
You know, we have a community
temple in New Jersey...
We have a matchmaker there,
Mrs. Desai.
I sent her Siddhi's portfolio.
You know, the bitch turned
around and told me...
...once Siddhi is a size zero,
send me her new portfolio.
Can you imagine?
Okay Siddhi,
we'll put you on the PC plan.
Priyanka Chopra's diet plan?
No.
PC.
Portion Control.
From now, you will eat
as much in quantity...
...and in variety as a
10 month baby.
I'm guaranteeing you...
3 kilos a week loss.
So spinach soup,
lentil water, mashed veggies...
Baby formula!
Oh sorry, you're being serious.
This is all my mother-in-law's fault.
When I was pregnant,
she would feed me high calorie
sweets everyday!
Siddhi's birth weight was 4.1 kilos.
I had to get 8 stitches.
And, of course, I've had to spend
a fortune on tightening procedures!
And all your friends...
...are size zero.
Zero.
I'm also size zero.
Except there's a one in front.
23 years it took me to figure
out why Sneha hates my guts.
Yes!
Because I tore her vagina
to shreds.
Poor thing...
I wonder what she
feels during an orgasm.
Ewww! That's my mom!
I've heard there are creams for vagina
tightening and lightening.
What?!
Which means men want fair
and glowing down there as well.
But of course,
it must glow in the dark.
Yes!
Losers!
You guys cheat too much.
In any case, after Arya's birth,
I'm sure I look like a...
...train wreck down there.
What do you mean?
Do you bathe with your
eyes closed?
Guys, it has no use for me.
I haven't had sex since
Arya was born.
Anj...Arya's almost four.
Plus half my pregnancy.
Regrown virginity.
It's an actual term.
I've read about it.
You mean the hymen
grows back?
It's not exactly a lizard's tail
that will grow back when it wants to!
But serious doubt...
how do you masturbate?
I don't.
Oh my goodness!
Seriously?
Why are you shouldering
the burden of the whole world?
You just...really need to relax.
Do any of you have
a compact?
No...
Thank you.
Go to the loo and make
friends with Vagayanti.
Vagayanti is your one.
Mine is more like...
Ms.VeeVee.
VeeVee rhymes with PeePee...
I like it.
Guys, that's my most
expensive compact.
So?
She's not slipping it in...
just taking a sneak peak.
Ms.VeeVee must have spun cobwebs
down there by now.
Don't behave so badly
with the poor thing!
Ahem.
You ladies done discussing
your lady parts?
In fact, now we're
discussing gent's parts.
So...how big is yours?
Oh.
Okay so...
...there you are.
Ms.VeeVee...
...any cobwebs yet?
Nope.
I'm strong.
How strong?
Can you shoot out
ping pong balls?
Well, I did shoot Arya
out after all.
There's a pool table
outside.
Do you want to try with
a cue ball?
Fuck!
This is ridiculous!
Fuck!
But...
...why is it ridiculous Anjana?
Don't I...
...deserve a little fun?
Fun?
Do you remember all the
crazy things we did with Varun?
Sometimes four times
in a night!
He was our Mount Vesuvius.
And he destroyed everything...
...that came in his path!
Fuck!
No, no, please keep it!
Sanitize it.
Thank you boys.
Bye, Sir.
See you tomorrow.
-Bye, Sir.
-See you tomorrow.
Goodnight, Sir.
Jeh...
There's something out there...
Rats!
I'm just kidding. Here...
Wow...look what I found!
Hey there little boy...
Yuck.
Oh my God...he's so dirty!
He'll be clean.
Once he has a bath.
Once he has a bath.
So you're not a dog person?
What is a dog person?
You know...
Loving.
Loyal.
I am loving, loyal.
-But selectively.
-Which means you're a dog person.
Oh God!
Okay! Fine! If you insist.
What are you going to do
with it now?
I don't know.
My building doesn't allow pets.
But I will take him
to a shelter in Lonavala.
Tomorrow.
Why don't you keep him
for the night?
No!
I mean since we've all
found out you're a dog person.
No! No! No way!
-Please...
C'mon...
-No way!
Oh my God! Even a cactus
doesn't survive in my house!
And this...
C'mon! One night...
Just one night!
I mean, look at him...
How can you say no to him?
-No! No! No Jeh!
Noooo!
Eat.
Mohit?
Siddhi!
-Hi!
This picnic thing for a
first date is such a good idea!
Thank you.
You look fantastic!
Thank you.
But that empire line
is not working for you.
Nah.
Oh God.
Turns out Mummy's boy
is not straight?
Sorry?
That's popular code for
'you're gay'.
Except for my mother,
everyone knows.
Wait hang on.
Does that mean this date is off?
Hell no!
Let's go!
So...plump girl, gay boy.
You realize we could
be our own rom-com.
Please. Not in India.
Here, they will find some
way to get us married in the end.
Can I say something?
This little extra
weight looks nice on you.
Makes your face glow.
Thank you!
I was double your size.
So then?
Zumba?
That too.
But I had one apple a day.
Now my immunity is fucked.
I'm constipated all the time.
But. Look on the bright side.
I can fit into any
Tom Ford suit I want so...
...what the fuck do I care.
So one second, you're saying
I should just have an apple a day?
No, no, men love curves.
Dogs love bones.
Please. Say that to them.
Just look at them.
So skinny.
It's like looking at them in 2D.
I just want to...kill them.
The sound of their earrings dangling...
...echoes through their skulls!
They're so like...
weird...strange...
They have to use 10 Instagram
filters on every picture...
...just to look half decent.
One second, look at that one okay.
Virgin.
That one is just ugly.
Slutty Angel.
And that one's a vegetarian.
You know what that means, right?
That will never happen.
Listen, I've no fucking
idea what you're saying...
But I love you!
I think you need some
affirmation from the world.
Okay...
I'll give you an idea.
It will change your life.
What?
Seriously? Sexy lingerie?
Even better.
Hey Damini...
Hi! Dr. Warsi...what a surprise.
You live around here?
Ya...just round the corner.
Nice.
Me too.
I got my periods.
That's good.
Ya...relieved!
I got to go...
...because of puppy.
You have a pet?
No, no, not my pet.
I'm taking care of a dog...
...for a few days.
Are you feeding it?
Of course! Of course.
I've kept him in my
spare bathroom for now.
I've laid out newspaper
all over the floor.
He poops and pisses on it.
It's just easy to
wrap and throw away.
But shouldn't you
be taking him out for it?
Walk the dog, Damini.
You're right.
Leaving now...
...walking the dog.
Bye.
Your...
Drink.
So sorry.
See you...
C'mon!
His Holy Dogness!
Come, come.
Come, come.
Oh what a good boy.
Come, come, puppy.
Come, come.
Hello...
What?
What do you mean?
Is there any such thing
as a shelter not having place?
You can't do this to me, Jeh.
But you had said one day,
remember?
Just one day.
No, no, not later!
You cannot hang up on me!
Hello?
Jeh!
Thank you universe!
And here's your pancake...
Leave this for now and eat.
Do you want some jam?
Honey?
Then what do you want baby?
This is not how
Kavya aunty makes it.
Then how does Kavya
aunty make it, baby?
Teddy shape.
Here's your teddy, okay?
Eyes, nose, smile.
Ears.
That's your teddy pancake, okay.
Now eat.
This is not how
Kavya aunty makes it.
Arya baby!
No more Kavya aunty
in this house, okay?
I call her Pooky aunty.
Dadda also calls her Pooky.
I bet...
...Pooky aunty's vagina...
...isn't a haunted house...
...covered in cobwebs.
I saw Vesuvius when
it was really active.
It must've sobered
down by now.
So...she can have him now.
But you do miss the
hot, molten, lava.
Don't you?
Mama, what happened?
Nothing baby.
Bad dream.
A teddy bear pancake.
I mean what the hell is that!
And why is she making teddy
bear pancakes for my daughter?!
Can't you spend a minute
without uttering her name?
You're using her name
like a vowel.
If you take Kavya's name
one more time,
then you'll have to
take a shot.
Ya.
-Ya.
Why are you punishing me?
It's that Kavya who's just trying to...
-Oh my God. Jeh! One shot please.
Hey! If Kavya is not...
-Make that two please!
Guys, I'm just trying to
make you understand that Kavya...
Three shots!
God!
Keep the bottle.
You're going to need it.
Jeh, you too?
Seriously, I heard you
say that name so many times...
...that I just called
Bosco back there Kavya.
He did.
Here.
C'mon, c'mon...
Let's go, let's go...
Seriously?
C'mon! Yeah!
C'mon for Kavya!
Damini...
...the rape country video story?
I know.
Two million hits already!
But we're also getting
trolled badly.
I have never seen such hatred and
so many trolls in my life.
Rizvi Roy, you fuckin' bitch!
It's time to show her
what her true worth is!
#worthlessdramaqueen
...should all be raped.
Damini's mother is H.O.A.R.
Father is pimp.
She should've been aborted.
H.O.A.R? I think he means whore.
Can we track these
people down?
I mean some are
unemployed losers.
Others are digital
agencies in China, Russia...
...and even right here.
Hired by political parties to further
their own damn agendas.
Cheap internet connections,
anonymous handle,
egg for a display picture
and then just attack people.
You know what, the problem is
there's zero bloody accountability.
So then that's our story.
Let's unmask them.
Let's hunt each one of
these assholes
and drag them out of their
hiding places.
Let's do it!
Ya.
Damini!
Sorry Uma, I'm just in a
middle of something…
I'll just join you.
I'd like you to meet
Akanksha Moitra.
A Columbia University graduate
in journalism and a...
...Bengali just like you.
Okay.
Hi!
Hi.
-Lovely to meet you…
Same here.
And she's also a Fulbright scholar.
She's just finished her internship
with The Star in New York.
The Star as in the tabloid?
Yes.
-Okay...
They offered me their full time position
but I was so over NYC!
And then Uma called and
I couldn't help but...
...jump at the offer.
The offer?
Yes...
What offer?
I didn't know we were hiring.
I thought you wanted to
reduce losses.
Akanksha won't come
in your way.
She's going to concentrate
on the lighter subjects.
Like entertainment or
celebrities, socialites...
Gossip?
The readers want exactly
this Damini.
It's what gets the hits.
Work with Akanksha.
Make it work.
Hi!
What are you doing here?
We'll have to train
for two hours everyday.
Day one, plyos.
Day two, cardio.
Day three, chest.
Day four, legs.
Day five and six,
martial arts and sparring.
Training, training, training,
repeat, repeat, repeat.
You will fall, you will breakdown,
you will cry.
We will do whatever
it takes but we will not stop.
Because right now,
your muscles are soft.
We have to harden them
like stone.
And these love handles
of yours...
...are meant only for
your boyfriend.
I don't have a boyfriend.
One week free trial.
You won't regret it.
How long did you practice
this speech?
At least 10-12 times...
...but it sounded
way better in my head.
Come in Umang.
I'm telling you...
...this is so much better.
No, she keeps doing these
stupid things...
Doesn't even matter!
Hi Mom...
Yes...
No, I'm at work.
Yes Mom, I've eaten.
Okay, I'll call Dad tomorrow.
How are Karanveer and Pinky?
Okay.
Give my love to everyone.
Okay Mom. Bye.
Guys, wasn't Umang right
here with us?
Where did she go?
Guys, that was Mom
on the line.
Dude, you were incredibly
well behaved!
The amount of grief I have
put my mom and dad through...
Enough.
Now no more.
Umang teaches physical
training in school.
No wonder she's so
slim and trim.
Don't you worry.
She will cook healthy food
for your son.
She even makes butter
chicken without the butter!
Really?
I promise you...you won't
stop licking your fingers.
No one can tell there's
no butter in it.
Don't you agree?
-Absolutely.
Well, then I can't wait
to try her butter chicken!
But where is Umang?
He has three mansions.
And a field.
They will keep you
like a princess.
You'll be happy.
Just like you?
Happy.
What do you expect?
To find true love with Prince Charming
on a white horse?
Or a princess.
I'll send you my wedding card.
You wait and watch.
Okay.
What the hell is all this?!
I feel chained like a cow!
You're wearing an outfit
like this for the first time.
What are you doing?!
Are you out of your mind?!
It's all making sense now.
Such is life, Umi.
You need to find your happiness
in this new relationship.
You call this happiness?
Taking care of someone's home.
Praying for his long life?
This is the system right?
Respect it.
And what about respecting
ourselves?
Think about your parents.
Their entire life...
...one spoke while the
other listened.
Is this what you call
a marriage?
And you and my brother?
You'll spend your whole
life trying to love him.
This place suffocates me!
What are you doing?
Umi no...Umi...
Don't make this mistake!
Don't do it!
Go down in five minutes...
...and tell everyone
that you can't find me.
This is the least you can
do for me.
Please.
You wore an Indian outfit?
And that too for a guy?
-Oh God!
Is that the only thing you
heard in my entire story?
So how did you sort it
out with your folks?
Simple. We just brushed
it under the carpet.
Basically,
under the carpet in our house...
...you'll find tons
of hidden misconceptions...
...and unresolved arguments.
Insane!
So you'll never tell
them that you're bisexual?
The carpet's not that big.
You know it's really sad that...
...we can't discuss our
sexuality with our mothers.
When Arya grows up,
I'll make sure I discuss
everything with her.
Sex, drugs, boys...
Vagina.
I'm sorry...
Did you just whisper vagina?
I mean, just say it.
VAGINAAAAAA!
All hail the vagina!
Mad?
Why? What's the big deal?
Try it Siddhi! C'mon...
You'll feel a sense of nirvana.
C'mon...
Okay.
All hail my vagina!
Next time shout this out
at the bar...
...and just watch, you'll
have four boys lining up for you.
Yeah!
Alright Anj...
C'mon...
-What?
Go for it!
-Go!
Guys...
-What?
C'mon, c'mon...
-Okay, okay.
Vagina...
Vagina...come to mama...
-What was that? Seriously?
Okay, okay, I'll do it again.
-Okay...
VAGINAAAAAA!
Nice!
Make me come you
motherfucker!
(Girls shout out vagina in
multiple languages)
Guys, guys...Yoni
Choot.
Chuthadi.
Choot and Chuthadi are
the same...so another one.
Okay, fine.
You come up with
something then.
Poonani!
I heard it in a rap song and
I've been dying to use it since then.
Kandu! Kandu!
That sounds like Gandu!
Bhosadi!
Oh! Vajayjay!
Fuddu!
Pooku!
Putki!
Twinkle!
Vajizzle!
Pookie!
---
I like cardio.
That's why I ran away
and came here.
New friends. A new life.
But no matter how far we run,
can we really run away
from ourselves?
Hi!
Oh...sa...ka...
Osaka.
You don't look Japanese.
No, no...
It's Umang.
I know, Umang.
We've met before.
At the gym. Remember?
Come in.
This way.
This film is very
important for my career.
I mean, a woman reaches
a certain age...
...and the movies just dry up.
You know,
all these 50 year old film stars...
...they all want 22 year old heroines.
So...
I'm producing this film.
It's about an ordinary
middle class Indian girl...
...who goes on to becoming
India's first MMA World Champion.
Against all odds!
So...
I have to look like
I can fuckin' fight!
And when I walked into
the gym and saw you bench a 100...
...I knew right away...
...that only you can train me.
So... am I being too ambitious?
No...possible...
Not possible?
Ah! Shit!
I knew it wouldn't be possible.
No, no, I meant...
...of course it's possible.
Why isn't it possible?
Anything is possible!
I mean take the word
'impossible' for instance.
It has 'I-M-POSSIBLE' hidden in it.
#sweatisfatcrying #knowhowtogohome
#liftallday
Just have a little faith and
it's going to be absolutely...
Oh!
Oh!
Did you smoke up
before coming here?
No.
Sorry...
I'm such an ass!
Don't look at me like that...
Are you going to now
tax me for looking at you?
Umi, we were young and
naïve back then.
Naïve...
I'm now 24...
I want to get married...
Fast for my husband...
I want kids...
Just not with me.
Haven't you studied biology?
When you're with me,
I understand biology a little better.
Umi, the sooner you understand this,
the better.
We have no future together.
Why?
Who says so?
Because only a privileged
few have the right to fall in love.
The rest of us have to get married.
'We have to do this,
we have to be responsible...'
Since when have you started
wallowing in this kind of nonsense?
C'mon, let's run
away to Mumbai together!
What shenanigans
are the two of you up to?
We were just doing some cardio.
Trying to get some
running practice going.
Pinky, you're looking
so pretty in this pink outfit.
I'm starving.
Make me something to eat...
Of course, in a minute.
And you...
...go get me some water.
How about you jump in
a well and drown yourself!
Who's going to marry you
if you keep up this attitude?
Unlike you,
I'm not desperate to get married.
Insolent!
How do you even kiss him?
Doesn't he make you want to puke?
He's your brother...
...for me, just a husband.
I told you, you've put on
weight Siddhi.
What is this?
Deepika, what are we
going to do with this girl?
Sneha, relax.
I've worked on such cases before.
I had a client who's lost 40 kilos.
But you know my chums are
going to start in a few days...
So maybe it's the water retention...
-Siddhi, please.
This is not water retention.
You know, we have a community
temple in New Jersey...
We have a matchmaker there,
Mrs. Desai.
I sent her Siddhi's portfolio.
You know, the bitch turned
around and told me...
...once Siddhi is a size zero,
send me her new portfolio.
Can you imagine?
Okay Siddhi,
we'll put you on the PC plan.
Priyanka Chopra's diet plan?
No.
PC.
Portion Control.
From now, you will eat
as much in quantity...
...and in variety as a
10 month baby.
I'm guaranteeing you...
3 kilos a week loss.
So spinach soup,
lentil water, mashed veggies...
Baby formula!
Oh sorry, you're being serious.
This is all my mother-in-law's fault.
When I was pregnant,
she would feed me high calorie
sweets everyday!
Siddhi's birth weight was 4.1 kilos.
I had to get 8 stitches.
And, of course, I've had to spend
a fortune on tightening procedures!
And all your friends...
...are size zero.
Zero.
I'm also size zero.
Except there's a one in front.
23 years it took me to figure
out why Sneha hates my guts.
Yes!
Because I tore her vagina
to shreds.
Poor thing...
I wonder what she
feels during an orgasm.
Ewww! That's my mom!
I've heard there are creams for vagina
tightening and lightening.
What?!
Which means men want fair
and glowing down there as well.
But of course,
it must glow in the dark.
Yes!
Losers!
You guys cheat too much.
In any case, after Arya's birth,
I'm sure I look like a...
...train wreck down there.
What do you mean?
Do you bathe with your
eyes closed?
Guys, it has no use for me.
I haven't had sex since
Arya was born.
Anj...Arya's almost four.
Plus half my pregnancy.
Regrown virginity.
It's an actual term.
I've read about it.
You mean the hymen
grows back?
It's not exactly a lizard's tail
that will grow back when it wants to!
But serious doubt...
how do you masturbate?
I don't.
Oh my goodness!
Seriously?
Why are you shouldering
the burden of the whole world?
You just...really need to relax.
Do any of you have
a compact?
No...
Thank you.
Go to the loo and make
friends with Vagayanti.
Vagayanti is your one.
Mine is more like...
Ms.VeeVee.
VeeVee rhymes with PeePee...
I like it.
Guys, that's my most
expensive compact.
So?
She's not slipping it in...
just taking a sneak peak.
Ms.VeeVee must have spun cobwebs
down there by now.
Don't behave so badly
with the poor thing!
Ahem.
You ladies done discussing
your lady parts?
In fact, now we're
discussing gent's parts.
So...how big is yours?
Oh.
Okay so...
...there you are.
Ms.VeeVee...
...any cobwebs yet?
Nope.
I'm strong.
How strong?
Can you shoot out
ping pong balls?
Well, I did shoot Arya
out after all.
There's a pool table
outside.
Do you want to try with
a cue ball?
Fuck!
This is ridiculous!
Fuck!
But...
...why is it ridiculous Anjana?
Don't I...
...deserve a little fun?
Fun?
Do you remember all the
crazy things we did with Varun?
Sometimes four times
in a night!
He was our Mount Vesuvius.
And he destroyed everything...
...that came in his path!
Fuck!
No, no, please keep it!
Sanitize it.
Thank you boys.
Bye, Sir.
See you tomorrow.
-Bye, Sir.
-See you tomorrow.
Goodnight, Sir.
Jeh...
There's something out there...
Rats!
I'm just kidding. Here...
Wow...look what I found!
Hey there little boy...
Yuck.
Oh my God...he's so dirty!
He'll be clean.
Once he has a bath.
Once he has a bath.
So you're not a dog person?
What is a dog person?
You know...
Loving.
Loyal.
I am loving, loyal.
-But selectively.
-Which means you're a dog person.
Oh God!
Okay! Fine! If you insist.
What are you going to do
with it now?
I don't know.
My building doesn't allow pets.
But I will take him
to a shelter in Lonavala.
Tomorrow.
Why don't you keep him
for the night?
No!
I mean since we've all
found out you're a dog person.
No! No! No way!
-Please...
C'mon...
-No way!
Oh my God! Even a cactus
doesn't survive in my house!
And this...
C'mon! One night...
Just one night!
I mean, look at him...
How can you say no to him?
-No! No! No Jeh!
Noooo!
Eat.
Mohit?
Siddhi!
-Hi!
This picnic thing for a
first date is such a good idea!
Thank you.
You look fantastic!
Thank you.
But that empire line
is not working for you.
Nah.
Oh God.
Turns out Mummy's boy
is not straight?
Sorry?
That's popular code for
'you're gay'.
Except for my mother,
everyone knows.
Wait hang on.
Does that mean this date is off?
Hell no!
Let's go!
So...plump girl, gay boy.
You realize we could
be our own rom-com.
Please. Not in India.
Here, they will find some
way to get us married in the end.
Can I say something?
This little extra
weight looks nice on you.
Makes your face glow.
Thank you!
I was double your size.
So then?
Zumba?
That too.
But I had one apple a day.
Now my immunity is fucked.
I'm constipated all the time.
But. Look on the bright side.
I can fit into any
Tom Ford suit I want so...
...what the fuck do I care.
So one second, you're saying
I should just have an apple a day?
No, no, men love curves.
Dogs love bones.
Please. Say that to them.
Just look at them.
So skinny.
It's like looking at them in 2D.
I just want to...kill them.
The sound of their earrings dangling...
...echoes through their skulls!
They're so like...
weird...strange...
They have to use 10 Instagram
filters on every picture...
...just to look half decent.
One second, look at that one okay.
Virgin.
That one is just ugly.
Slutty Angel.
And that one's a vegetarian.
You know what that means, right?
That will never happen.
Listen, I've no fucking
idea what you're saying...
But I love you!
I think you need some
affirmation from the world.
Okay...
I'll give you an idea.
It will change your life.
What?
Seriously? Sexy lingerie?
Even better.
Hey Damini...
Hi! Dr. Warsi...what a surprise.
You live around here?
Ya...just round the corner.
Nice.
Me too.
I got my periods.
That's good.
Ya...relieved!
I got to go...
...because of puppy.
You have a pet?
No, no, not my pet.
I'm taking care of a dog...
...for a few days.
Are you feeding it?
Of course! Of course.
I've kept him in my
spare bathroom for now.
I've laid out newspaper
all over the floor.
He poops and pisses on it.
It's just easy to
wrap and throw away.
But shouldn't you
be taking him out for it?
Walk the dog, Damini.
You're right.
Leaving now...
...walking the dog.
Bye.
Your...
Drink.
So sorry.
See you...
C'mon!
His Holy Dogness!
Come, come.
Come, come.
Oh what a good boy.
Come, come, puppy.
Come, come.
Hello...
What?
What do you mean?
Is there any such thing
as a shelter not having place?
You can't do this to me, Jeh.
But you had said one day,
remember?
Just one day.
No, no, not later!
You cannot hang up on me!
Hello?
Jeh!
Thank you universe!
And here's your pancake...
Leave this for now and eat.
Do you want some jam?
Honey?
Then what do you want baby?
This is not how
Kavya aunty makes it.
Then how does Kavya
aunty make it, baby?
Teddy shape.
Here's your teddy, okay?
Eyes, nose, smile.
Ears.
That's your teddy pancake, okay.
Now eat.
This is not how
Kavya aunty makes it.
Arya baby!
No more Kavya aunty
in this house, okay?
I call her Pooky aunty.
Dadda also calls her Pooky.
I bet...
...Pooky aunty's vagina...
...isn't a haunted house...
...covered in cobwebs.
I saw Vesuvius when
it was really active.
It must've sobered
down by now.
So...she can have him now.
But you do miss the
hot, molten, lava.
Don't you?
Mama, what happened?
Nothing baby.
Bad dream.
A teddy bear pancake.
I mean what the hell is that!
And why is she making teddy
bear pancakes for my daughter?!
Can't you spend a minute
without uttering her name?
You're using her name
like a vowel.
If you take Kavya's name
one more time,
then you'll have to
take a shot.
Ya.
-Ya.
Why are you punishing me?
It's that Kavya who's just trying to...
-Oh my God. Jeh! One shot please.
Hey! If Kavya is not...
-Make that two please!
Guys, I'm just trying to
make you understand that Kavya...
Three shots!
God!
Keep the bottle.
You're going to need it.
Jeh, you too?
Seriously, I heard you
say that name so many times...
...that I just called
Bosco back there Kavya.
He did.
Here.
C'mon, c'mon...
Let's go, let's go...
Seriously?
C'mon! Yeah!
C'mon for Kavya!
Damini...
...the rape country video story?
I know.
Two million hits already!
But we're also getting
trolled badly.
I have never seen such hatred and
so many trolls in my life.
Rizvi Roy, you fuckin' bitch!
It's time to show her
what her true worth is!
#worthlessdramaqueen
...should all be raped.
Damini's mother is H.O.A.R.
Father is pimp.
She should've been aborted.
H.O.A.R? I think he means whore.
Can we track these
people down?
I mean some are
unemployed losers.
Others are digital
agencies in China, Russia...
...and even right here.
Hired by political parties to further
their own damn agendas.
Cheap internet connections,
anonymous handle,
egg for a display picture
and then just attack people.
You know what, the problem is
there's zero bloody accountability.
So then that's our story.
Let's unmask them.
Let's hunt each one of
these assholes
and drag them out of their
hiding places.
Let's do it!
Ya.
Damini!
Sorry Uma, I'm just in a
middle of something…
I'll just join you.
I'd like you to meet
Akanksha Moitra.
A Columbia University graduate
in journalism and a...
...Bengali just like you.
Okay.
Hi!
Hi.
-Lovely to meet you…
Same here.
And she's also a Fulbright scholar.
She's just finished her internship
with The Star in New York.
The Star as in the tabloid?
Yes.
-Okay...
They offered me their full time position
but I was so over NYC!
And then Uma called and
I couldn't help but...
...jump at the offer.
The offer?
Yes...
What offer?
I didn't know we were hiring.
I thought you wanted to
reduce losses.
Akanksha won't come
in your way.
She's going to concentrate
on the lighter subjects.
Like entertainment or
celebrities, socialites...
Gossip?
The readers want exactly
this Damini.
It's what gets the hits.
Work with Akanksha.
Make it work.
Hi!
What are you doing here?
We'll have to train
for two hours everyday.
Day one, plyos.
Day two, cardio.
Day three, chest.
Day four, legs.
Day five and six,
martial arts and sparring.
Training, training, training,
repeat, repeat, repeat.
You will fall, you will breakdown,
you will cry.
We will do whatever
it takes but we will not stop.
Because right now,
your muscles are soft.
We have to harden them
like stone.
And these love handles
of yours...
...are meant only for
your boyfriend.
I don't have a boyfriend.
One week free trial.
You won't regret it.
How long did you practice
this speech?
At least 10-12 times...
...but it sounded
way better in my head.
Come in Umang.
I'm telling you...
...this is so much better.
No, she keeps doing these
stupid things...
Doesn't even matter!
Hi Mom...
Yes...
No, I'm at work.
Yes Mom, I've eaten.
Okay, I'll call Dad tomorrow.
How are Karanveer and Pinky?
Okay.
Give my love to everyone.
Okay Mom. Bye.
Guys, wasn't Umang right
here with us?
Where did she go?
Guys, that was Mom
on the line.
Dude, you were incredibly
well behaved!
The amount of grief I have
put my mom and dad through...
Enough.
Now no more.
Umang teaches physical
training in school.
No wonder she's so
slim and trim.
Don't you worry.
She will cook healthy food
for your son.
She even makes butter
chicken without the butter!
Really?
I promise you...you won't
stop licking your fingers.
No one can tell there's
no butter in it.
Don't you agree?
-Absolutely.
Well, then I can't wait
to try her butter chicken!
But where is Umang?
He has three mansions.
And a field.
They will keep you
like a princess.
You'll be happy.
Just like you?
Happy.
What do you expect?
To find true love with Prince Charming
on a white horse?
Or a princess.
I'll send you my wedding card.
You wait and watch.
Okay.
What the hell is all this?!
I feel chained like a cow!
You're wearing an outfit
like this for the first time.
What are you doing?!
Are you out of your mind?!
It's all making sense now.
Such is life, Umi.
You need to find your happiness
in this new relationship.
You call this happiness?
Taking care of someone's home.
Praying for his long life?
This is the system right?
Respect it.
And what about respecting
ourselves?
Think about your parents.
Their entire life...
...one spoke while the
other listened.
Is this what you call
a marriage?
And you and my brother?
You'll spend your whole
life trying to love him.
This place suffocates me!
What are you doing?
Umi no...Umi...
Don't make this mistake!
Don't do it!
Go down in five minutes...
...and tell everyone
that you can't find me.
This is the least you can
do for me.
Please.
You wore an Indian outfit?
And that too for a guy?
-Oh God!
Is that the only thing you
heard in my entire story?
So how did you sort it
out with your folks?
Simple. We just brushed
it under the carpet.
Basically,
under the carpet in our house...
...you'll find tons
of hidden misconceptions...
...and unresolved arguments.
Insane!
So you'll never tell
them that you're bisexual?
The carpet's not that big.
You know it's really sad that...
...we can't discuss our
sexuality with our mothers.
When Arya grows up,
I'll make sure I discuss
everything with her.
Sex, drugs, boys...
Vagina.
I'm sorry...
Did you just whisper vagina?
I mean, just say it.
VAGINAAAAAA!
All hail the vagina!
Mad?
Why? What's the big deal?
Try it Siddhi! C'mon...
You'll feel a sense of nirvana.
C'mon...
Okay.
All hail my vagina!
Next time shout this out
at the bar...
...and just watch, you'll
have four boys lining up for you.
Yeah!
Alright Anj...
C'mon...
-What?
Go for it!
-Go!
Guys...
-What?
C'mon, c'mon...
-Okay, okay.
Vagina...
Vagina...come to mama...
-What was that? Seriously?
Okay, okay, I'll do it again.
-Okay...
VAGINAAAAAA!
Nice!
Make me come you
motherfucker!
(Girls shout out vagina in
multiple languages)
Guys, guys...Yoni
Choot.
Chuthadi.
Choot and Chuthadi are
the same...so another one.
Okay, fine.
You come up with
something then.
Poonani!
I heard it in a rap song and
I've been dying to use it since then.
Kandu! Kandu!
That sounds like Gandu!
Bhosadi!
Oh! Vajayjay!
Fuddu!
Pooku!
Putki!
Twinkle!
Vajizzle!
Pookie!