Florida Girls (2019–…): Season 1, Episode 3 - Sunday Chunky Sunday - full transcript

It's here.

It's finally here!

Wake up, bitch.

It's Chunky Sunday!

♪ Sunday ♪

♪ Chunky Sunday ♪

♪ Sunday, Chunky Sunday ♪

Get up! It's Chunky Sunday, bitches!

Yeah!

Ha! Y'all ready to go fuck up
some ribs and get our twerk on?

Dude, I'm so stoked for this barbecue.



I'm-a smoke all the flavored blunts.

Peach, grape, white grape, blue.

- Why are you so dressed up?
- Do you have court?

No, you can't wear that
to Chunky Sunday.

I can barely see your ass.
You look ridiculous.

Oh, I'm not going with y'all.

Wait, what?

Harold invited me to a fancy
Tampa business owner's luncheon

at the airport Marriott.

Tampa fucking Bay.
Airport fucking Marriott.

He even bought me this new dress.

You look like a really
expensive prostitute.

No, no!

Don't compliment her.



She's a traitor.

She's ruining the most
important day of the month

for some chump who doesn't
take her seriously.

Has he even called you
his girlfriend yet?

Oh, of course. Yeah, absolutely.

Mm, right. So, you're ditching us
for an 80-year-old

who doesn't claim you. Awesome.

No, I'm ditching y'all for a
lifetime of wealth and leisure.

See, I think Harold's bringing me around

all his bougie business
friends as a test.

And I'm-a ace that shit.

Remember when we
waitressed at The Pearl?

Ugh, God, I hated that place.

Everyone was so mean and stuck-up.

Exactly. Everyone was
so unhappy all the time

and asking to see the manager.

So, I'm thinking, all I have to do

is act like I'm too good for everything,

and all Harold's friends
will think I'm super classy.

"Excuse me, miss, I asked for
my dressing on the side.

"Would you please remake
my field greens?" Bam!

And to top it all off:

Ba-bam!

- A new Coach bag.
- Tight.

Wait, but why are there Gs all over it?

A'ight fine, it's a Goach bag.

Come on, Jay. We can't go to
Chunky Sunday without you.

- What? Why not?
- Uh, because it's a black barbecue,

and you're our only black friend.

But... What? I'm black, too.

You're barely black, Shelby.

I'm half-black, and we'll be fine.

I'll just, um... you know,
I'll play up my black half.

There's got to be something I can wear

that'll make me look more black.

Please don't leave us with her.

Jay, come on. You know
I love black people parties.

They're so much more fun and
loose than white people parties.

So just go. You'll be fine.

You don't need me.

Yes, we do.

You don't get it. You couldn't.

Look at me.

I'm a white woman who
lives in a mobile home.

I mean, black people see me,
and-and they just assume

I'm another racist Florida redneck.

But when I'm with you,

suddenly, I'm a cool
white woman of the people.

I'm white, and I live in a mobile home,

and no one thinks I'm a redneck.

Yes, they do. You're just
too brain-dead to notice.

Kaitlin, I'm so sorry that
you are a white woman.

I'm sure that must be a very hard life.

But you don't need me.
Y'all will fit in fine.

Jay, can I borrow this?

Or is it... is it too much?

It's too much.

Okay.

Y'all are acting so problematic today.

Randi?

Hello? Open up!

Why do we need my mom to come with us?

Because you don't look black, Shelby.

You look like you just got
back from the frickin' Bahamas.

I think the braids are dope.

Bang on the door one more time,
and you're gonna lose that hand.

We need you to come with us
right now. It's an emergency.

- Oh, God, what happened?
- No, Mom, it's fine.

Kaitlin just doesn't think
I look black enough...

Shut up, Shelby.

Jayla ditched us,
so we need a black person

to come to Chunky Sunday with us.

Go get ready, and hurry up.
I don't want to miss the ribs.

What are you talking about?

You don't need a black person. Just go.

- You'll be fine.
- No, we won't.

We're gonna look like
a couple of rednecks

hanging out with Rachel Dolezal.

We need a real black person.

Come on, Randi. Please?

I've never missed a Chunky Sunday ever.

Not even when my dad died.

So, you're desperate, huh?

Well, I mean,
I would love to help you girls out,

but I was just about
to dig that stump up.

Yeah, I mean, you know, it's rotted,

and spiders have nested in it,

and the spiders are
getting in the house.

I mean, so you can see
the predicament I'm in.

Just got an idea.

If you girls dig the stump up for me,

then I can go to the barbecue,
and you got your black person.

No. We're not doing that. No. Forget it.

Let's go.

Get in the car. Now!

Yes! I love Chunky Sunday so much.

I know. And I feel like
I'm really fitting in.

Mm, smell them peach blunts.
I'm gonna find me a peach blunt.

Ooh, good call, good call.
Okay, then we'll hit the ribs,

and then get on that dance floor.

Randi, I hope
you like twerking, 'cause...

- Dude.
- Hey, lady, how you doing?

What are you doing?

- You got to stick by us.
- No, no, no, no, no.

That ain't part of the deal.
You said come with y'all.

All right. Okay.

I've always wanted to learn Spades.
Deal me in, ladies.

Sorry, honey, game's full.

All right, Wanda, your bid.

Let's see...

You guys, you guys.

Did you see that? They won't let me play

'cause they think I'm
just some racist redneck.

Or maybe it's because
Spades is a four-person game

- and you're a fifth person.
- Don't be an idiot, Erica.

Take a look around.
Everyone's staring at us.

- What? No, they're not.
- Dude, relax.

You're with me.

Oh, no, no. God.

I wonder if they have any light beer.

- Oh, my God.
- Do y'all got any light beer?

Stop. Stop it.

Look, I know they want
to modify the menu,

but to get rid of the
Neighborhood Nachos?

That's ridiculous.

Good seeing you ladies.

Hey, there he is. Arnie.

Hope it's not crummy.

Arnie owns three Krispy Kremes.

Nice to meet you.
This is my girlfriend Lisa.

- Hi.
- Hi.

And this is, uh, my friend Jayla.

Oh.

Oh, my goodness.

These sliders are overcooked.

Did y'all notice that?

I was just thinking that.

Oh, my bun's a little burnt, too.

I hate this burger.

- Excuse me, miss?
- Yes, ma'am?

These sliders are unacceptable.

Would you please bring us a fresh tray?

Sorry, we were just told
we're 86'd on the sliders.

Oh, well in that case,
can I speak to your manager?

Todd.

I mean, they're burnt.

Jaylandra?

Juicy J!

Yo, it's me, Lil' Hazy.

Man, I ain't seen you since
we were spitting

in people's drinks at Mugs 'N Jugs.

Look at you all dressed up.

No more tube tops and coochie
cutters for you, huh, girl?

You know, I was just thinking
about that time we got baked

at Crystal Meth's grandma's crib,

and that girl with the teeth
fuck Shiny D's boyfriend.

So nasty.

Mm.

You know who would love this food?

Our good friend, Jaylandra!

She's probably my best friend.

We watched Black Panther together.

It's my favorite movie. All right.

Let's hurry up and eat.
We got to get back to your mom.

I'm getting a lot of weird looks.

Yeah, probably 'cause
you're yelling really loud

while everyone's trying to eat.

Erica's right. Dude,
you're the only one being weird.

We're totally fine.

I think everyone can
finally tell I'm half-black.

Oh, my God. Did you see that?

I don't even know her,
and she totally acknowledged me.

I'm gonna go dance.

Oh, God, no.

She dances whiter than all of us.

Shelby! Stop snapping your fingers.

At least she's having fun.
Let's go dance.

All right, but we have to spread out.

We can't just be one big white clump

- in the middle of the dance floor.
- Excuse me.

Have y'all seen a cell phone?

Uh, I don't think so.

I left it right here a minute ago.

- Dude, did you take her phone?
- What? No.

Hey, ain't you the girl
that stole the microwave

from the ghetto store?

Who, me? Yeah, that was me.

Girl, did you take my phone?

It's okay if you did. Just give it back.

No, I-I swear I didn't take it.

What's going on, Cindy?

This girl just took my phone.

Didn't you just swipe
a hot sauce from the grill?

Yeah, that was me. Sorry about that.

But I swear I didn't take her phone.

Great. Well, now
they hate us. So thanks.

Randi!

Shelby?

And we were so poor back then,

if someone left half a beer
at the bar, we'd drink it.

But Juicy J, she was next-level
with that shit.

She would hole herself
up in the kitchen eating

all the leftover scraps
out the bus trays.

- Stop...
- Old bread, half a shrimp.

I can still see you like a
little rat in the kitchen,

gnawing on a chicken bone.

We were all, "Juicy J,
put that bone down!"

Anyway, uh, you needed to
talk to me about something?

Uh, the sliders...

were a little overcooked,
but don't-don't worry about it.

Dope, dope, dope.

Find me if you want me
to smoke you out later.

I got you...

Um...

So that was Todd.

Mm.

Man, we've all gone through
some lean times, haven't we?

I remember my first job,
bussing tables at Applebee's.

When the janitor would call in sick,
my boss would say,

"Guess what, Harold.
You're our janitor tonight."

Craziest part is, uh,

I worked my way up,
and I bought that Applebee's.

And I can't wait to watch my girl Jayla

buy her own Mugs 'N Jugs one day.

I remember my first job

as a flight attendant.

Ugh, the pilot forced me
to stay in the cockpit.

He blocked the door.

It was awful.

Look, I hear y'all, and I'm sorry

if I ever stole something
from y'all in the past,

but I didn't take her phone.

Are any of these your phone?

No, but that proves you're a thief.

Let me check your pockets.

I already told you I didn't take it.

I mean, who'd this trick-ass bitch

even come here with, right? Not me.

No, I came with that black
lady over there playing Spades.

Can't really see her... she's there.

So, yeah, we're obviously
cool with each other...

He's got a gun! Get down!

Down!

You thought this was a gun?

Oh, my God. That's not a gun.

Oh, God.

False alarm. It wasn't a gun.
It was... it was a spatula.

Everybody, calm down!

You know what I'm gonna do?
I'm gonna call my friend Jayla.

She's black. She'll vouch for me.

You have reached...

Damn it. Okay, her phone's off.

It's fine. It's totally fine.

I'm gonna go get her.

Okay.

Wait, is that your phone?

Oh, my God. It is.

Baby took your damn phone.

Girl, I'm sorry. I was tripping.

Nah, it's all good.
I do steal a lot, so I get it.

And I totally would've taken
your phone if I had the chance.

I am so glad you came.

I never have fun at these things.

Harold.

- It's good to see you.
- Hey, man, how are you?

Uh, Steve owns an Applebee's in Miami.

- Ah.
- This is my girlfriend, Jayla.

Hi!

I'm his girlfriend, Jayla.

- How's business?
- I heard corporate

is discontinuing the
Neighborhood Nachos.

Don't remind me. You know,
they have some nerve...

Uh, excuse me, gentlemen.

I have to use the ladies' room.

- Move!
- Oh, there you are. Thank God!

Get your ass out of here.

♪ You boogie to the right,
then you boogie to the left ♪

♪ Bunny hop, then bend yo knees,
do a slide, no time for rest ♪

♪ One more slide and then you shimmy ♪

Looking good, girl.

Get it, Becky.

What? Becky? I-I... I'm-I'm not a Becky.

I'm not white. Uh, my mom's black.

Yeah, and my daddy's George Washington.

- ♪ Yeah, one time ♪
- ♪ Take a break ♪

- ♪ Take a break ♪
- ♪ Rev it up ♪

- ♪ Rev it up ♪
- ♪ Then make it shake. ♪

What the hell are you doing here?!

Dude, Erica started a full-on
race war at Chunky Sunday.

You need to get down there now
and tell everyone I'm not racist

so we can twerk and
have a bomb-ass Sunday

- like we always do.
- This is all in your head.

Nobody thinks you're a racist redneck.

Why would they? I mean,
you sound hella ignorant right now,

but you ain't racist. Right?

No, of course not.

You're my best friend,
and I would die for you.

And, honestly, I like black
people better than white people.

They're cooler, they have better
barbecues, they dance better.

I love James Harden and Nicki Minaj.

God, I love Nicki Minaj so much.

And I was super sad when Prince died.

Um, okay...

Wow. You're right.

I'm definitely not racist.

Oh, my God, I feel so much better.

Okay.

All right, good.

Now get the hell out of here
before somebody sees me talking

to a two-dollar hoe in the bathroom.

Yeah, I could see that.

- Yeah.
- Okay, bye.

Thank you.

- Hey, Harold is looking for you.
- Hey.

Oh, my boyfriend is so protective.

He's my boyfriend now.
He just said it out there.

Well, he said I'm his girlfriend,

which means he my boyfriend.

Look at me, rambling on
about my boyfriend.

Oh, I'm so happy for you.

And at least Harold has the decency

to take off his wedding ring around you.

I keep telling Arnie,
"If you're gonna introduce me

as your girlfriend,
take off your damn wedding ring."

We don't want the whole world knowing

that we're dating married guys, right?

Anyway, I'll see you out there.

He's married?

Can you excuse us, please?

Are you married?

Listen...

You stupid coward!

For months, you've been
wasting my damn time!

Do you know how embarrassing that is?

Screw this place, and screw you!

Ooh!

Guess what. I ain't like y'all!

I don't own some wack-ass
chain restaurant,

and I ain't some dumb-ass
flight attendant!

Girl, I am so sorry.

I don't know why I dragged you
into this. You cute. You fine.

But the rest of y'all,
I don't like y'all.

Standing around all damn day
complaining about everything.

This Marriott is lit.

And those sliders was bomb as hell.

And screw those tiny-ass purses

with no straps on 'em.

Holding 'em all day
like a bunch of fools.

Juicy J! Yeah!

Yo, what are you doing here?
What's wrong?

You were right.

Harold never took me seriously.

He's married.

I was just his beautiful side piece.

What the hell are you
doing sitting here?

We got to go key his car, man.

I thought of that.

But after a car goes through the valet,

I don't know what happens to it.

Oh, yeah. Me, either.

Uh, w-well, can I at least
go spit in his face?

Nah. I already did that.

You want to go twerk?

Yeah.

Hey, what's up?

Why are you over here by yourself?

Why are you asking?

Because I'm your mother and I
want to make sure you all right.

Okay, fine, I need five bucks.

They said I was cutting clubs

and then playing them.
Can you believe that?

- Were you?
- Of course not.

I was hiding them.

Okay. Come on.

What's going on?

I don't know.

Sometimes it's hard being half-black.

You know, 'cause...
'cause half my family is black,

but I never feel like
I'm part of your group.

Oh, my God. I can't even hear

this tragic mulatto mess.

Aw, poor little half-white girl.

- Oh, my God.
- Come on.

You should thank God that
you are not part of my group.

'Cause you know what
happens to my group?

I got thrown in jail for
falling asleep in the library.

A security guard tackled me at
the Gap because the woman forgot

to take the sensor off my shirt.

I just heard a white girl

thought a black man's spatula was a gun.

Okay, okay, okay. Never mind. I get it.

Here.

Thank you, baby.

But hey, don't worry about
being part of my group.

You got your own group.

Those dumb-ass shady friends of yours.

I'm back in!

Hey, what's going on?

Am I getting weird looks,

or is this still just all in my head?

- That ain't in your head.
- Damn it. Ugh, I knew it.

I told you, Jay.
Black people always just assume

I'm another Florida racist.

Oh, that ain't it.
Nobody thought you were racist

until you accused Earl of having a gun.

He reached into his apron and
pulled out a metal object.

Spatulas are metal, guns are metal.

God, Jay, can you please
clear this up for us?

Yeah, I didn't know
you had done all that.

I'm starting to think that
maybe you might just be racist.

Wait, but no.

No. What about all that
stuff I was saying earlier

about James Harden and Nicki Minaj

and how black people are really cool?

Yeah, all that was kind of racist, too.

I was just trying to get
you out of the Marriott.

So, what are you saying?

I really am just another racist redneck?

- And I'm not, right?
- Nah, you're cool.

Tight.

So, does this mean I have to leave?

What? No. If we made a big deal
about you acting like that,

we'd never hang out
with white people again.

Wait, most white people act like this?

Oh, so I'm fine, then.

That's the wrong takeaway.

Hey.

- What are you doing here?
- There you are!

We're all together,
and it's Chunky Sunday.

Let's go twerk.

- Yeah!
- Yeah!

Hey. I am so sorry about her, girl.

She not usually like that.

Actually, she is.

You want to go twerk?