Five Bedrooms (2019–…): Season 3, Episode 3 - Nine Carats - full transcript

Previously on 5 Bedrooms

I promised we'd have a drink with Jerry

I'm B&B Jerry

And I'm Sam

Sam how are ya?

We're trying for a baby

So you're going through IVF?

No, actually we're looking for a donor

So you wouldn't recommend sharing a baby with her then?

What?

What about you?



Have you discussed kids with anyone other than Linz?

No, I haven't

Would you like to?

Okay, Ains you're up

What about you and Simo?

Is he still escalating the wildly romantic gestures?

Feels like he's been pulling away from me a bit

Ains thinks you're going soft on her

What?

Oh, she doesn't understand why you're ghosting her

Well you know why don't ya?

I found something out that I wasn't supposed to know

Is it Ben and Heather?

Ains I'm begging you please just put it out of your mind



Oh my god, is Ben going to propose?

Ains

It's hard to say what the most painful part of returning to uni at my age was

There's the profoundly obvious physical differences

But I get that at home

There was the trauma of the work itself

After five months of constant study

I still couldn't tell you the difference between pharmacokinetic and pharmacodynamic

But taking home the gold

And the gold that I'd earned

But taking home the gold in the you don't belong here sweepstakes

Was the fact that I had one crossover subject with my kids psych degree

Quick as you can gang

Ah, it's going down

Timmy refused to acknowledge me in any way

And I completely understood

It was about the only thing I did understand

On the brink of my major exam

Ben had decided to become clingier than he had ever been

Tom, you're knocking off

In about three days when I walk out of the exam

Well, we'll stop for an hour and have dinner with me

Half an hour

You've got to eat

What if we bash out a quickie right now

And then let's see how worried you are about my diet then

What, right now?

Right now

I've been wondering how

I'd navigate this world

I've been wondering how

To speak my truth out loud

And not afraid

Well, I made you gold

You made it well

Good

Hold up, I would still quite like to have dinner with you

Get off my book

I'm leaving

I'm locking myself in Colin's granny flat

I'll see you after the exam

Just before you go

I was kind of hoping you'd be around for dinner tomorrow night with Gerry and Sam

No

I'm just keen for them to see the house dynamic

You don't want to advertise this bit of the dynamic

Oh fine, I was doing you a favour

I'll drop around for dinner or just turn up around bedtime

What?

No, that defeats the whole purpose

Also, why would you want to stay with me in my ex-husband's granny flat?

Why wouldn't I?

Look, I'm sorry but until this exam's over, I'm going into Heather first mode

Love you

I'm doing this to protect you

See ya

Oh, Ben, it's only three nights, not even

You can do it

Yeah

You know, I haven't seen Stuart in over a month and I'm completely fine

There's something going on

What?

Simo told me Ben is planning to propose

To Heather?

What?

Yes, to Heather

Is he insane?

Harry, hi

Hey, just about tomorrow

Oh, we're so excited

Well, I've been brainstorming activities that might show off my parenting skills

But I keep coming back to...

Should we just go to a bar and drink a bottle of wine?

Or three?

Yeah, we love wine

Tasting it, drinking it, bathing in it

Thank God

And then I was thinking maybe just a casual barbecue at the house

Yeah, perfect

Any videos, allergies, pet hates?

Any dietary requirements?

Ah, yeah, Sam's a vegan and I am also a vegan when Sam's around

You must love her very much

Hey, don't go to too much trouble, we're just looking at it as a normal catch up

Oh, of course

I should just caution though that when I try to be normal it has quite a drastic counter effect

But I'll do my best impersonation of normality

Can't wait, I'll see you tomorrow

See ya

We've got two vegans

Why on God's green earth would he ask her now?

Maybe because things are changing

You know, Heather's on a new career path, she's spreading her wings

Sometimes when you're in a state of flux like that you find yourself reaching for some kind of anchor

That's 100% you

Those thoughts would never occur to Ben

Maybe Mia wants them to get married?

It's marginally more plausible but I don't buy it

I mean anyone who's spent more than three minutes with Heather would know that she's violently opposed to any kind of union, let alone marriage

I'm not sure that's true

I think that she can be surprisingly sentimental when she thinks no one's watching

I'm certain that he is going to walk into an angry brick wall

Someone has to warn him

You can't, I'm not even supposed to know

Then Simo should do it

No, I don't think so

Ah, okay, so Jerry and Sam are keen to the day drinking

I'm assuming you're still happy to be our sober chauffeur

We're going to tell him

Ben is planning on proposing to Heather

What?

Is it A, a harmless gesture of love or B, a well-intentioned but horribly misguided instinct which will destroy their relationship and the entire house

I'm going to say C, absolutely none of our business

Hear hear

Is Heather even divorced?

Yes

Is she though?

As with many parts of my life, the things I thought would help turned out to be liabilities

Why are you here?

Why are you here?

Because I live in a share house with three other people who are incapable of being quiet

Yeah well I've got four of them

Also, you're match fit for this exam, I haven't stepped in the academic ring for three decades

Okay, if you could swear on my life that you would never say academic ring again, you can stay

No noise, no talking, no loud breathing, no eye contact

Even when I did get the silence I craved, all I could focus on was how much I didn't know

And the one person who might actually be able to help me, I was too scared to ask

What?

What?

You're staring at me

Can I ask a question?

I don't think so

Just one question

Heather, we've been over this

Just five seconds, is the collaborative care model the same as the integrated care model because I can't spot

This is the last time, I'll respond by text

When?

When I can

Knock knock, it's just me, I'm not staying

Timmy, I'm nice surprise I thought you'd moved out

I have

Oh, what a lovely moment for the two of you, working side by side, broadening your horizons

What do you need Liz?

Oh nothing, this is just a quick mercy drop, caffeine, sugar, starch, I'm really not staying Timmy

I'll just head out anyway

Ah also, brought you some ADHD medication, very low dose, and yeah, I find a little sniff every hour or so is very beneficial

Bullshit

I can demonstrate now if you think it'd be helpful

I wasn't expecting to sail through, but it's a lot harder than I thought it'd be

Have you actually got to the blind terror part?

I don't know, but it's definitely getting worse

Perfect, and that's not going to stop until the exams over

How did you do it?

I almost didn't, if Stuart hadn't been there I think I would have drowned myself, more than once

Well Ben's been trying to help but I just keep pushing him away

So you're exactly on track

I physically ran away from him to my ex-husband's granny flat

Are you and Colin actually divorced, legally?

No, just spiritually and emotionally

So what happens if one of you wants to get remarried one day?

Sorry, why are we having this conversation?

Oh, yeah, the neural pathways are firing again, I can see it in your eyes

Has Ben said something to you?

No, not at all

But he said something to someone

Not that I'm aware of

Was it Ainsley?

Liz, if I'm about to stumble into some sort of flash one proposal

No one said anything about dancing

So he's going to propose?

He was going to propose?

Why?

Why?

I've said too much, I'm sorry, just, just, just

I'm going to leave you to it, just, just

Leave that out of your mind

You're fucking kidding me

Okay, if he's bringing something on you just try not to whisper it

I'm not going to

Such an idiot

I'm going to leave this with you

Seven years in full sun, in the hole for three

Hang on, didn't he die?

What? No, that was the brother

Yeah, it's me

Oh

Hi, two updates

Um, firstly, Heather may now have some awareness of Ben's proposal plans

Liz!

What did I miss?

Ah, I may have accidentally told Liz, I'm so sorry

She's sorry, I'm sorry, but it's too late for that now

And also, I can't believe I'm saying this but I think you were right

About what?

Her reaction, she was angry and confused and insulted

But then, I mean, I could be wrong about this

But then she went to a place of, I want to call it, amused affection

And I think she might actually say yes

Yes

I never wanted to get married

We only did it because I got pregnant in the dark ages

And Colin's mum threatened to cut him out of the will

There was no honeymoon

And no honeymoon period

Are you?

Yes, I'm filming

Still

Have you got the cake in front?

Yes, just get on with it

On this cherished occasion of our 23rd anniversary

24th

Come on

I don't care, just keep going

The dinner's getting cold

I am trying to take a moment

I'm hungry

I want to thank my beautiful wife for all the 23 years

24?

Okay, well, I'm pretty sure you can't get the cake in front

You're not even holding it right

Hey, are you two around the servo?

I've got opens all day

Yeah, mate, come be

Or maybe I can't

Yeah, it's just texted

We're having a bit of a lone time together, just the two of us, you know?

I am, I'm literally walking out the door

Have a great day

Good

Oh, mate, kiss hug, kiss hug

Mate, I've let the cat out of the bag

You what?

I'm so sorry, I panicked

Just breathe, mate, take your time

We'll just rip the bandaid off

Okay, I think Heath might have somehow got the idea that you might be about to propose

What? Where's this come from?

Lizzie may have accidentally brought it up

What?

In fairness, it's not her fault, Ains mentioned the idea to her

After I accidentally sort of suggested it to Ains

You what?

She knew I was hiding something

I panicked

So you told her you thought I was going to propose

No, no, no, I didn't say it, she said it, but I just didn't tell her she was wrong

Mate, if you're asking do I regret it, with every bone in my body

But it was the best option for everyone concerned at the time

Mate

As long as the numbers don't blow out, obviously I'll pay for the wedding

It's alright

Yeah, but I'll tell you what I'll do

I just won't bring it up

Might be better if you do

On what planet, mate?

Word is, she's into it

I know, surprised the hell out of me too

Shit

I'm not in any position to ask for anything right now, but if you could just try to avoid a destination wedding

Mate, you're not paying for it

I'm chipping in

I love her, not me who loves her

Do you want to marry her?

Marry her tomorrow, I just didn't think she'd want the fuss

It doesn't have to be fussy, especially if it's local

All you really need is a ring

So, how fancy is two for an incident?

No fancy

None?

None even a little bit, no

So more classic?

Timeless

Yeah

Something like that, maybe

The French solitaire cut, a lovely choice

And it's on sale at the moment at just under nine thousand

Actually, Sarah has pointed that one

Also on sale at seven thousand and five

And five dollars?

Five hundred

Anything in the five hundred all told range you reckon?

Unfortunately at that price your only option would be your basic band, nine carat

Fuck it, go the French one

Whoa mate

Okay, just let me do a quick transfer

Can we set up a payment plan, do you take Diners Club?

Phone down mate

Yeah, wrap him up mate

Feel good?

Yeah

She was in world of pain chasing her two kids up and down the aisle

My heart was bleeding for her until she started screaming

Liberty, freedom

Oh my god

I told you Scott, why is our generation so bad at baby naming?

It's not everyone in our generation

Appalling baby names are kind of a white person thing, and celebrities

Of course, no I mean actually I do find the name Liberty to be quite lyrical

Of course I prefer emancipation a bit

Or deliverance or salvation

Should we go another bottle?

No, we should actually probably make a move, we were going to spark up the barbie back at home with all the others

Your housemates?

Yeah, just so you could see the whole dynamic there

I mean they're part of the whole package

Right

Is that a problem?

No

It's probably worth a conversation

Right, you were expecting that I would get my own place

Not necessarily

Yes

I could just, I understand any reservations you may have about our living situation

I mean I was apprehensive to the point of actual physical distress

But it's actually a lot more functional than you think

And we're a long way from that chat

You know what, let's get that other bottle

Yes, our shout

I've never met anyone like you

Douche

I know this might sound weird but

Don't say that, just say

I want to be with you

Fuck

I want to be with you

Head and shoulders

Head and shoulders

Head and shoulders

Head and shoulders

Head and knees

Hey

You alright?

Sorry, sorry, it's the other wrong pipe

Head

Head, I love you and I miss you and I want to be with you for the rest of my life

Will you marry me?

Do you need some water?

I'm right

You sure?

Yes

I'm good, you want me to go again?

No it's okay, you don't have to

Get up

Hey

Was this real?

Of course

How much was it?

Why?

Ben, look I know what this is

I know I've been a bit distant lately and

You know, might have felt like I was pulling away, that's my fault

It's just that this study shit is a lot harder than I thought it was going to be

I'll come good, it's not forever

You know I love you

Yeah, that's what it is, it's just not having you around as much

Is there something else?

No

Well something's happened

No it hasn't

Look you know I'm going to get it out of you so take a deep breath and in your own words just tell me what's happened

It was just once

I regret it more than anything I've ever done in my life

I fucking hate myself

Who?

Rebecca

Fuck

There's a night that may went missing and I swear to God it will never happen again

I'm sorry

Do we need to run through the rules again?

All good

I'm sorry

Heather I'm so glad you'd even think to

You said when Mia went missing, does that mean in the days before, after or in between?

It was actually that night

While she was missing?

No it was after she turned up, Bec was so upset, I went around and I did everything I could possibly

So Mia was at our place?

Yeah

With me?

Yes

So while I was with your daughter trying to heal her relationship with her mother, you all fucking said mother

Heather if I could make you understand this in a way that you could

Fuck

Hey

I spoke to her the next day

I got on my soapbox and I sang her fucking praises

I gushed about her Barrington and the whole time she was

No wonder she couldn't fucking look at me

This is a hundred

Ben?

Ben?

Is anyone home?

Hey sir

Wait are you sure he was going to do it today?

I just saw him buy a $9000 ring

And he was asking for a loan time

Hello

Oh Jerry's just settling in, they're ready for us to spark up whenever

Okay

Well I don't think anyone's here

No I'm here

Um, he's gone

Are you okay?

What, she turn you down?

Oh no it was a bit worse than that

She didn't break up with you did she?

Oh for the love of god what is wrong with her?

You know she's pathologically incapable of accepting love Ben

I bet it was

I cheated on her

Cheated on her

Um with my ex

Rebecca

Me is ma?

Yeah we know who Rebecca is

I'm sorry how did we go from you proposing to you cheating?

Oh my god you knew

How long have you known?

I found out just after it happened

I made him lie he wanted to tell you straight off the bat

And when was that?

About a month ago

Ah god it's going to be me

Um I don't think I can see her at the moment

I'll let her in

Just um take him round the back go for a drive

Just get some air

I'm not going

Granny flat?

Yep

Ah I'm so glad you're here

Why?

I need your advice

Where's dad?

I think he's helping Simo

How would you feel about giving me a hand with dinner?

Only if you don't want me to dice anything finally

Don't ask

Hello Megan

No thank you

I'm here too

I just want to make sure that you're okay

Tim is in there please go away

Have?

I'm just going to go and get my shoulders

No I really don't want to be held right now

I'm sorry okay

I could kill him

Honestly if you put him in front of me right now with my bare hands

I'm just so shocked

I'm not

Seriously?

On some level I was half expecting it

Right from the word go

Sorry if that's your way of suggesting that you're not good enough in some way

I think the fact that he couldn't keep his fucking pants on only proves that he's not good enough for you

I'm not saying that

I'm saying look at him

He's a magnet

I mean I figured being older than him sooner or later some gorgeous young thing would

Didn't think it would be this soon

Go with his ex

That's not just a stranger

She's part of his life she always will be

Has Ben done the dirty?

No no don't worry about it

With his ex?

Just go back inside please

Give me the gin

I don't really have any

We'll get you some

Don't worry about it

Let's get you in

Yeah

I think it's just going to take time

More the better probably

And once she knows the whole story

She already knows the whole story

Once she doesn't know I'll only make it worse

Well at least she's forgiving

Yeah but she's not though mate

She's awesome in so many ways

She can't hold a grudge for decades

What if I'm just thinking outside the box here

But what if you offered her a free pass with Cole

Call it even

No that's not the answer

I just think I need to um

Night chat for a while

I'm going to give you some space

Okay could I offer you a top up?

Thanks Larry

Good?

God those cauliflower steaks smell amazing

Maybe it's the vegan sausages I can't tell

Sorry just give me two seconds

Timmy hey how are you?

I'm in a bit of a strange spot to be honest

Your mum's not home is there anything I can do for you?

Actually I'm here for Ben

He's not home right now

His truck's parked out the front

Yeah I think he's gone somewhere with Simo

Where?

I really don't know I'm sorry

Timmy

I just have a couple of things I want to say to you if that's okay

Absolutely mate

Yeah I'm not your mate

I know my mother better than most kids ever want to know their mums

And I know she's hard work but she didn't deserve this

I know that and

Please don't interrupt

Okay

She's been pushing shit uphill her entire life

Putting everyone else first

And then she finally does one thing for herself

One terrifying thing

She doesn't even know how to use an iPad

And you go and cheat on her

I swear to god if I could

Did Dad cheat on her Bob?

Mia I don't

Did he?

Well that's probably a question for your dad

Mia

Who did he cheat on her with?

That's probably another question for your dad

Is everything okay?

Yes sorry

We'll just

We'll give you some space

Okay

And I know it's hard for your generation

It's all very confusing

But really it just comes down to respect

Don't talk over people

Don't make anyone feel small

And don't fuck your ex-wife when you're in a relationship with my mum

Or anyone else's mum

Sorry mate I might just have to put you on hold for a tick

Sorry

Hey Mia

You cheated on Heather

Why would you do that?

Look you've got every right to be upset

Who with?

That doesn't matter

God tell me it wasn't Mum

Yeah

Oh my god

Disgusting

Sorry I'm back

Was there anything else you wanted to say?

I really thought you were going to be the first man to add to her life

Without taking anything away

I don't get it they don't even like each other

I know

Just the thought of the two of them

Oh my god I'm actually going to throw up now

Do it get it all out if it'll make you feel better

Oh

This is even more confusing than when they broke up

Do you want to know the most confusing part?

Not really

Tell me anyway

Even when people make the biggest mistakes

And the ones that do the most damage

Love is still there

It doesn't go anywhere

It's about the only thing you can count on

You just got to hang on to that

And go easy on yourself when you take a hit

My personal go to is ice cream and the Harry Styles fine line live at the LA Forum

God of course

Hmm

We could do that right now if you like

Yeah

Yeah come on okay

When I walked out of my marriage I told myself

Whatever happens I couldn't possibly feel as empty as I did in that house

Wrong again

I swear to god Liz if you knock on that door again I'm going to

What are you going to do?

Absolutely nothing

Had a little sleep over with yourself?

Yes I did

I didn't actually sleep obviously

I'm wired to the eyeballs I'm overwhelmed I'm under prepared

And I'm bailing on the course

I beg your pardon

It's going to be a lot easier for you and your mates if I'm not there

Don't pin this on me

I'm not

You still have to pay the fees you know that right?

I know that

I just

I can't do it

Would you let me get away with that?

No

So pull yourself together

You didn't come this far just to shit yourself with a final hurdle

See it through

Mate I've got no mental function left

We've got 20 hours we'll work around the clock if we have to

But you're going to that exam

Put the kettle on

Jerry?

Should I just go?

Do you want me to give them a call?

That's right I've got it

Harry

Hey I'm so so sorry

I'm kind of hoping we can just move to a three strikes and you're out sort of system

You haven't read Sam's email

Harry she absolutely loves you

She has not shut up about you all morning

She's throwing words around like empathetic, self-aware, intuitive and elegant

Elegant?

I'll check my emails

Okay so it's just some rough ideas just some starting points for conversations moving forward

Right so we can keep talking?

Well the housing situation might be a conversation but we know we want to move forward with you

So have a read, rethink and call me

Call us as soon as you feel ready

I've got no idea why but they appear to be even more into it now

Seriously?

Yeah they've sent through some rough ideas

Actually this is quite formal and it's 47 pages long

It's a contract

You know we'll just take it one clause at a time

Your baby daddy

Advantages of the stepped care model

Okay first of all there's the

Matching the services

To the needs

Give me an example

Timmy just wouldn't back down

Hour after hour after hour

The Young Mind Matter survey linked complex mental health issues with what two factors?

Disadvantage? I know this I fucking know this

Higher rates of?

Don't tell me

Higher rates of social media usage

And what were the report's recommendations?

Fuck

Right Red Cordy pseudo chasers move

You can go ahead if you want

I know that

Go on I'm fine

You gonna do a runner?

I don't think so

Go on I'll see you in there

I totally thought about doing a runner

But I didn't have the strength

I hadn't felt that close to my kid in years

And I had nothing to lose

Okay please find a seat

Move your jackets please as well thank you

Not sure if it was the red cordial the pseudo or the rage

But somehow I answered every question

Sometimes Ben would come crashing into my mind

And I'd feel a stab of humiliation and pain

But I kept writing

And that is the time if you can place your pens down

Turn your papers over and just remain seated please

Did you notice something strange about the light

I'm still falling through the white

Maybe their love was as inevitable as the tide

Never been more sorry in my life

Never cheated before

I will again

And if I could go back I would

You can't go back

Look for what it's worth this was probably always gonna happen

I didn't see the proposal detour coming

No you're not gonna believe me but it wasn't a detour

I do want to marry you

Where are you going

Oh I just thought I'd give you a bit of space move out for a bit

I don't want that

Really

I'm beyond hurt and angry but I don't want to kick you out

I swear to God I'll never do that to you again

I don't want you out of the house but you and me

I know myself too well

There's no coming back from this

Next time on 5 Bedrooms

Just drop me off dishes stay where you are

Chet she give you any idea when she'd be able to look at me again

I don't want to smell him either

And then this clause bars Harry from introducing the child to any romantic partner without your prior consent

Is it the word romantic or the word partner that's the area of confusion for you Liz

I'll give you a call tomorrow then just so you know I can start a few balls rolling

Let's make it next weekend give us a chance to digest

Something else happened

Harry

Is it Liz

We'll talk soon