Father Knows Best (1954–1960): Season 4, Episode 11 - Mister Beal Meets His Match - full transcript

Here are...

with Elinor Donahue, Billy Gray,

and Lauren Chapin in...

[wind whistles]

Are you going to work all night?

Oh, hi, Father.

You plan to give up
sleeping altogether?

No, I'm finished.

I want you to
listen to this story

and tell me if it's too
miserable to hand in.

I'm sure it's fine.



Wait, Father,
you have to listen.

It turned out to be
such a weird story,

I can't tell whether
it's good or awful.

You come on and sit down.

This will only take
six or seven hours.

Wouldn't tomorrow
be soon enough?

No, I hand it in
tomorrow morning.

Now I warn you,
this might scare you.

- You see, you're in the story.
- I'm in it?

Yes, and you get into
a pretty weird situation.

This is a poor night to be
getting into weird situations.

Couldn't we wait until...

No, we couldn't.

Just be quiet and listen.



It seemed like just
another ordinary afternoon

as my brother Bud and...

Bud in it, too?

Oh, yes. We're all
in it. Here's the idea...

Our teacher told us to
take an old classic theme,

think of a variation on it,
and tell it in everyday terms,

- just as though it were
happening to our own family.
- I see.

So I took Faust,

the story of a man who
made a bargain with the devil.

Uh-oh. I think I'll
leave right now.

Oh, no.

Sit down. You're trapped,

just as you are in the story.

It seemed like just
another ordinary afternoon,

as my brother Bud carried
the trash out to the incinerator.

He emptied the waste
basket in the usual fashion.

Then, something
happened that puzzled him.

Each time he tried
to strike a match,

a breeze sprang
up to blow it out.

Then, startled by a
pleasant chuckling,

he turned and saw an unfamiliar
gentleman standing nearby.

Rather pesky breeze, right, lad?

Here, let me show you
an old East Indian trick.

Hey, how'd you do that?

You wouldn't ask a man

to give away all his
secrets, would you?

Besides, I want to talk to you

about something
more important, Bud.

How'd you know my name?

Your little sister
Kathy told me.

She said I might
find you back here.

I understand your mother
isn't home right now.

Perhaps you're the chap
I want to talk to anyway.

Is there some place where
we might be more comfortable?

There's some
chairs in the patio.

Thank you.

My name's Harry Beal,

and I'm going to make
it possible for your family

to own the most
amazing set of books

ever run through
a printing press.

Is that what you're selling?

- Books?
- Books.

We got books.

Not like these.

Let me tell you a secret, Bud.

These volumes can give
you the keys to the world.

See, that's the
title of the set.

Keys to the World,
in 10 compact,

profusely illustrated,
exciting volumes.

Lad, do you realize
that these little books

can open any door for you,

unlock any of your dreams?

They can lay the riches
of the world at your feet.

Our English teacher keeps
giving us that same guff.

But so far, books haven't
unlocked any doors for me.

They just keep me
locked up, studying.

You're a hard one
to sell, you know.

Extraordinary sales resistance.

I admire you.

But now, here's my trump card.

This set will not
cost you one penny.

- It's free?
- Free.

- No kidding?
- No kidding.

All my company
wants is permission

to use the Andersons
as a recommendation.

We put a set in your home,

then we point you out to
your neighbors and say,

"The Andersons have signed
up with us. Why don't you?"

That sounds like
a pretty good deal.

It's an extraordinarily
good deal.

How come you picked us out?

Oh, it's quite elementary.

A repsectable family,
good insurance business,

mother a PTA member,

one daughter in college,
a boy in high school,

a daughter in grammar school,

and a frog named Austin
in a box in the backyard.

How'd you know so much about us?

I make it my business to know.

I shall need a signature.

It should be your parents',

but yours will do for now.

I'll get theirs later.

Bottom line there, Bud.

How soon do we get the books?

Oh, very soon.

Once we land a customer,

my company goes right to work.

Thank you, Bud.

Remember now, use the books.

Use them.

Oh, wait.

Uh, about that fire trick...

How do you do it?

You hold a couple of matches
in your hand or something?

Still curious, eh?

No, all I do is to
reach around your neck

in a perfectly normal fashion.

And there it is.

As they say, lad, you
ain't seen nothing yet.

Au revoir.

"So Mr. Beal departed.

"That evening, when
my parents found out

"what kind of a deal
Bud had signed up for,

they were somewhat upset."

[Bud] Why?

Why should be
be upset over that?

You'd think they'd be happy I
made such a good deal on the books.

Look, who's writing
this story, you or me?

You shouldn't be listening
anyway. You should be up in bed.

Yeah, okay. I just want to find
out some more about Mr. Beal.

Say, do I learn how
he did that fire trick?

You'll find out.

"My father was
particularly upset

"over Bud ordering
the set of books,

even though they were free."

Don't you night
owls ever give up?

Shh, Mom, don't
interrupt. This is a story.

You better sit down and
listen. This is pretty interesting.

- Oh, is this the story
you're doing for school?
- Mm-hm.

Let's see, where was I?

Oh, yeah. "Even
though they were free.

"Father tried to explain to Bud

"that somehow, some
way, you always have to pay.

"Then he gave orders that the
book should be sent back unopened.

"However, Kathy
did not know this,

"and when the books arrived,

she quickly tore open the box."

Hey, Mommy, look at the books.

Look at the pretty books we got.

Oh, dear, you're not
supposed to open that.

Your father wants
to send those back.

But why? They have
such pretty pictures in them.

Well, I... Oh,
they are attractive.

Hey, are those the great books?

Bud's folly.

I thought we weren't
supposed to open them.

We weren't, but
Kathy didn't know that.

Bud, look at the pretty
new books we got.

Yeah? They come
already? Let me see.

Hey, they're pretty good.

What do we have here, the
ladies' knitting and reading circle?

It's that free stuff I
ordered, Dad. Not bad, huh?

I've never seen so
many colorful illustrations.

I thought we were
going to send these back.

But why, Dad? They're free.

Oh, Bud, nothing is free.

There's bound to be a
hook in this deal somewhere.

These are odd books...

Certainly not like any
encyclopedias I've ever seen.

Mr. Beal said
they were different.

He said they could
unlock all your dreams,

lay the riches of the
world at your feet.

You're right. They are odd.

They look more like catalogs
than books of knowledge...

Catalogs of things
that people desire

but never can have

and probably would
be better off without.

Boy, there's
something I wish I had.

Isn't that a beautiful bicycle?

Oh, I wish I had one like that.

Well, wishing
won't get it for you.

You start earning
money toward it.

That's how you get things
in this world. You earn them.

Wishing would be a lot easier.

Let's put these books back
before we damage them.

Tomorrow, I'll take them
down to the express office.

Why send them back, Dad? I
say we've got holes in our heads

- if we turn down a gift horse
you're staring in the mouth.
- [doorbell chimes]

- Bud...
- I'll get it.

In the first place, when
a stranger comes along

and offers you
something for nothing,

watch out.

- Hi, Mary Ellen.
- Hello, Kathy.

Say, I wonder if you'd
do me a big favor.

Come on outside. I want
to show you something.

Okay.

Okay, but it seems silly
to send the books back.

Mr. Beal said that if
we use these books,

they can lay the
riches of the world...

I don't care what Mr. Beal said.

Daddy, Mommy,
look at what I got.

Where did you get that?

From Mary Ellen.

She's going with
her family to Europe,

and she wants me to keep her
bike for her until she gets back.

I told you wishing was
a lot easier than earning.

"Well, we were pretty amazed
when we realized the bicycle

was exactly like
the one in the book."

- What color was it?
- Shh.

"We knew it was
merely a coincidence,

"yet we couldn't help wondering.

"Bud jokingly
pointed to a picture

"of a fine-looking sports
car in one of the books

"and made a wish for it.

He didn't actually believe..."

I'll tell you what kind I
want. One of those French...

"He didn't actually believe
that he would get such a car,

"but several times,

"we caught him looking
out in the driveway,

"just in case one might turn up,

"but none did.

"And the next morning,
he resigned himself

"to driving his old
jalopy to school.

"On the way, he came upon a man

"whose car had a flat tire.

Then he stopped to help him."

- Having troubles?
- Yes, tire trouble,
and I don't have a spare.

What's it worth to you
to drive me to the airport?

I can't now. I'd
be late for school.

You can name your own price.
I can't afford to miss my plane.

I'd like to, but I...

All right then, let
me borrow your car.

I've got to get out
there. Right away.

Well, I don't know. I
might not ever get it back.

I'll leave mine for security.

It's worth more
than this old wreck.

Why don't you just call a
garage and get yours fixed?

I don't have time. Don't
you understand anything?

I have to get to
that plane or I'll...

I'll trade cars with you.

Trade? You mean even up?

Yes, yes. Even up.

Here are the keys.

Hurry up, boy. Get out.

Get out.

Exactly like the
one in the book.

"So Bud had his car,

"exactly like the one in
that strange set of books.

"None of us believed in magic,

"but yet this coincidence

"coming on top
of Kathy's bicycle

"made us wonder if The Keys to the
World volumes had any connection.

"In fact, this was
all we thought about,

all we talked about."

[overlapping chatter]

Look, we have to be
sensible about this.

We're all intelligent
enough to know that a book,

a mere book,
couldn't work miracles.

You can't just look at
a picture of something

and wish for it,
and there it is.

Dad, that's exactly
what happened, twice.

Those were just coincidences.

But were they? Let's put the
books to a test and find out for sure.

Let's see, where's the M volume?

I'm going to look at a
picture of some mink stoles.

I saw some real pretty ones.

No, Betty, don't do it.

Mother, there's nothing
to be so alarmed about.

Maybe not, but I just
don't like this whole deal.

I want these books out of
the house as fast as possible.

But why, Mother?

I don't know. They...

Well, there's just something
not right about them.

I can feel it.

This is something we
shouldn't be fooling around with.

Jim, is the express
office open this evening?

Yes, it is, and that's exactly
where I'm going to take these.

Bud, get some string
to tie up this box.

Gee, Dad, can't we keep them?

No.

Now, wait.

Father said we had to
be sensible about this,

and he's right, but I don't
think we are being sensible.

Let's say, just for
argument's sake...

Let's say that these books
could give us anything we wanted.

Wouldn't it be pretty
stupid to throw that away?

I tell you, there's...

- Now wait, Mother.
- They give me the creeps.

What would be the harm in getting
a few things we've always wanted?

Yeah.

What's the harm in it, Father?

We could keep our heads,
just wish for little things.

Yeah, like, say, a
little swimming pool.

There, you see? Right
away, swimming pools.

Father, Bud was just kidding.

Was I?

We could wish for useful
things, things we really need.

Mother, think how much
easier ironing would be

if you had a nice mangle.

Oh, I don't need a mangle.

But it would save time,

and you could put that
time to some good use.

Is that so wrong?

Betty, there's just something
about this that I don't like.

And Father, I saw something
in one of these books that...

Look, I don't want
to get mixed up...

It's something you've
always talked about owning,

but you'd never
buy it for yourself.

Isn't this the kind of
boat you'd like for fishing?

Yes, but...

Say, that is a
trim-looking little craft.

Yeah, it's got a
good outboard, Dad.

What would be the
harm in having that?

It's good and healthy.

I'm with you, sis.

That's a good trailer, too.

Makes the boat easy to launch.

Jim, now don't you...

Oh, honey, don't
worry. I couldn't afford it.

Afford it? All you
have to do is wish for it.

Bud, that's ridiculous.

How do we know
it is if we don't try?

Don't forget the
bike and the car.

Mommy, I skinned my knee.

Oh, you certainly did.
How'd you do that?

I fell off my bike.

There, you see?

That bicycle caused this.

I sensed something like
this was going to happen.

It's an omen.

Mother, kids have
been falling off bikes

for years and years.

Yes, but if this is such a
wonderful, charmed bicycle,

things like this
shouldn't happen.

Come on, let's go put
something on that knee.

It wasn't the bike's fault.

Now I'm convinced those
books must go back, right tonight.

But it's silly.

No, she's right. Get
some string, Bud.

But Dad...

Get some string.

The books are going back.

What did you say
was in the box? Books?

Yes, books.

And they're being sent to...

Keys to the World Company.

What's the matter?

Nothing, nothing.

Why did you look so funny when
you heard the name of the company?

Oh, it's just that, uh...

That what?

I don't know,

but there's something
strange about this outfit.

You're not the first

who's tried to return
one of these sets.

What do you mean,
tried to return them?

Don't you guarantee delivery?

Oh, sure, sure, but...
Well, I wish you luck.

"My dear Mr. Anderson,
you cannot return these books

"because your family
has already used them.

Your obedient
servant, Mr. Beal."

[Man chuckles]

I suggest you
relax, Mr. Anderson.

You can't get rid of
those books because...

Well, in a word,
you're stuck with them.

Who are you?

That's right. We
haven't met formally.

My name's Harry Beal.

Beal, the book salesman.

Right you are.

Ten compact, profusely
illustrated, exciting volumes.

What infernal kind of
books are these, anyway?

And who are you?

I'm your friend, if you'd
only realize it, old boy.

What kind of a friend?

The only kind... The kind that
has your best interests at heart.

Now, for example, let's take that
trim little boat you were discussing.

How do you know about that?

Does that matter?

The important thing is
you can have that boat.

How?

Like Kathy got her bicycle?

I arranged that
rather well, didn't I?

Bud's sports car was more
difficult, but I managed.

But now, with this boat,

you and I are going to have
some perfectly rip-roaring times.

I can take you to a lake
where rainbow trout this large...

Mr. Beal, I don't
want that boat,

and I'm not going
fishing with you.

What do you want with us?

And who are you?

Oh, come now.

You know me.

Everyone knows me.

Only not many are
willing to admit it.

Now let's get down to business.

Oh, no.

We don't do business with you.

You will.

No!

Now take your infernal
books and get out.

I can't let go of it.

Of course not. I told you,
they belong to you now.

You've already made the
first two payments on them.

Payments? I haven't
paid you anything.

Oh, but you have.

There are five... You can
put the books down now.

There are five
payments on that set.

I already have two of them.

One named Kathy, one named Bud.

No, no!

Yes, and I practically
have a third, Ms. Betty.

Isn't this a lovely mink?

She doesn't want that.

Oh, doesn't she?

No. Look, you can't have them.

They're just children.

They didn't know what
they were getting into.

Ignorance is no excuse.

It's also one of my
most useful weapons.

Now, you wouldn't want
to deprive me of that.

You can't have my children.

It's a bit late to
discuss that, old boy,

because I already have them.

And at quite a bargain, too.

For the niggling price of
a bicycle and a sports car.

This mechanical age.

Beal, I don't care what you say.

Naturally. Now, I wonder if
you'd mind waking the children.

- You see, I have to take them
with me to meet the boss.
- The boss?

Yes. He'll want to
put them right to work,

recruiting other followers.

Yes, I haven't got much time.

I have to get my quota
in by midnight, or be fired.

When I say fired,
I mean just that.

Oh, they can make
it hot for a chap.

Let's go wake them.

By George Beal...

It's not George
Beal, it's Harry Beal.

I don't care what it is.

You're not taking my
children anywhere.

Well then, what can you
offer me as a substitute?

Your wife?

No.

That's good, because
we don't want her.

She'd just make trouble
for us. We know her type.

Dreadful person.

That does it.

Now, now. No offense, old man,

but you must admit she has
some very unfortunate faults,

such as loyalty,
devotion, honesty.

Well, come on. I
can't wait any longer.

I must have that payment.
Let's go wake the children.

Wait.

I'll make you a bargain.

You asked me what I
could offer as a substitute.

Well, take me.

You?

Do you think that's
a fair bargain?

One old, tattered soul
for three young ones

with a lifetime to
work ahead of them?

That's my deal.

I'll go with you now, forever,

if you leave them alone.

Are you sure you know

what you're letting
yourself into?

That doesn't matter.

But you can't have them.

All right, I haven't
much time to bicker.

The bargain's made.

But hurry, run up and pack.

And don't waken that
troublemaker of yours.

Boy, what a spot you put me in.

Did you have to do that?

You should have
slugged him, Daddy.

Does Dad ever get out of there?

If Mr. Beal did come to this
house, I'd take a broom to him.

Be quiet. Let me finish this.

"It was nearing midnight

"when Mother was awakened
by a noise in the bedroom.

"She sat up, turned on a light,

and was surprised to
see Father packing."

Jim, what are you doing?

It's nothing, dear.
Go back to sleep.

Nothing?

I awake in the night to
find my husband packing,

and he says it's nothing.

Now you put those things back.

No, honey.

I have to go.

It's a business trip.

Business? In the
middle of the...

That's the most ridiculous
thing I ever heard.

Now you go put your pajamas on.

Honey, you just
don't understand.

I have to go.

Go where? Why?

It doesn't make sense.

Oh, these miserable books.

I was so upset. We don't
know what we're doing.

Now you go to bed. You'll
feel better in the morning.

Come, come, old
boy. Don't buffalo.

Time's running out.

Don't let her see you.

No one can see me
or hear me now but you.

Tell her you have to
leave on government work.

But that's a lie. I've
never lied to her.

So what? You're
one of us now. Go on.

I can't.

Shall I take the children?

No.

Dear, please put
on your pajamas.

Don't just stand there
muttering to yourself.

Honey, this trip... It's
for the government.

Government?

FBI.

The FBI.

FBI?

Jim...

you're out of your mind.

Honey, don't laugh.

I wasn't supposed to tell
you I was working for them.

Good.

I can't even tell you
where they're sending me.

Excellent.

Jim, is this true?

[door opens]

Say, what's all the racket?

I can't get any
sleep around here.

Bud, go back to bed.

What's going on here?

You children go back to bed.

What's this suitcase
for? Who's going away?

I am. Now you kids...

- Can we go along?
- No! Definitely not.

Jim, I don't like
the feel of this.

If you're going
somewhere, I'm going, too.

I'm your wife, and
where you go, I go,

no matter what.

[tree rustles]

You see, she's undermining
me with that blasted loyalty.

We're going, too.

No, none of you are going.

I'm not going to let you put
one foot outside this house,

because I know you're
not telling the truth.

[branch snaps]

There she goes with
that woman's intuition.

You're right, honey. I
can't tell you the truth.

Maybe some day,
you'll understand.

But I want the truth now.

- [branch snaps]
- Oh, that miserable honesty.

Honey, if I don't go,
something awful will happen.

Then we'll face it together.

The only thing that
matters is... Oh, I love you.

Love? That does it.

Dreadful wench.

Gosh, how could that limb break?

The wind's not blowing at all.

I'll tell you how it happened.

Your mother did it.

- Me?
- Yes, you.

And those wonderful,
beautiful faults of yours.

But what a woman.

If I'd had one like her to
love me when I was alive,

I wouldn't be in
this racket now.

"And Mr. Beal hobbled
off into the shadows,

"and was never seen
around our house again.

The End."

What do you think?

I think it's just
wonderful, Betty.

It's just great.

It's okay.

I suppose now I'll have
to go saw that broken limb.

Oh, you.

How did you ever come
to write such a story?

I didn't really write
it. You two did.

We did?

All I did was just put down

what I know you two
would do in a spot like this.

Well, I don't know
about both characters,

but you certainly
got the heroine right.

I think we'll keep
you on a while longer.

Closed-Captioned By J.R.
Media Services, Inc. Burbank, CA