Father Knows Best (1954–1960): Season 1, Episode 21 - The Matchmaker - full transcript

Kent...

the only cigarette
with a micronite filter...

Kent regular and the
new king-size Kent...

present the story of a man,
his home, and his family,

starring...

and...

With Elinor Donahue,

Billy Gray, and Lauren Chapin...

I don't see why

I have to eat so early today.

I've told you, Kathy.
This is a dinner party



for adults, not for children.

I suppose I'll be adult enough

to do the dishes later.

That's possible.

Louise is all dressed, Mother.

She looks so pretty.

Mmm. What did
she decide to wear?

The blue cotton.

Oh, no!

Louise, if that's the way

you've been dressing
for the past five years,

no wonder Tom
hasn't proposed yet.

Oh, Margaret.

Where's that strapless
dress we bought?



In my suitcase. You're
trying to catch a man,

not a train.

About all I'll catch
in that dress is a cold.

But if you get your
man, it'll be worth it.

Oh, look. Now, you're
my favorite cousin.

I want to see you happy.

You've been going with
Tom for five years now.

I think it's about time
he either bought you

a ring or a wheelchair.

Now, you go on upstairs
and put on that strapless.

Margaret, I don't like this.

I feel like we're
trying to trap him.

Well, you're exactly right.

We are!

What did Mom want me for?

Oh, hello, son. Your
dinner's all ready.

How come we're
eating so early anyway?

Big deal!

Mother's going to try and
get Tom Goodwin to propose.

Who's he?

Friend of Louise's.

And you're going to try and
get him to propose? Mm-hmm.

She's going to wear a
strapless and catch cold!

Does Dad know about this?

Well, of course.

What's he think about it?

I'm afraid he thinks the
whole thing is ridiculous.

I thought it was against the
law to have two husbands.

She's after him to propose
to Louise, dope, not her.

Oh.

Planning the battle
campaign, dear?

I'm merely setting the table.

Oh, did you get everything?

Yes, ma'am. Private
Anderson reporting, sir.

Choose your weapon.
Toasted almonds...

giant-size ripe olives, caviar,

3-inch steaks.

Margaret, you don't think
Tom is foolish enough to believe

he's going to sink his
teeth in 3-inch steaks

after he's married, do you?

If he doesn't get married
soon, he won't have to worry.

He won't have any teeth.

Well, it's possible he's
not the marrying type.

Every man's the marrying type.

Hmm. Poor old Tom.

Seems like such a
one-sided campaign.

I don't understand your
sudden concern for poor old Tom.

You've never met him.

He's a man.

In a case like this,

we have to stick together.

Oh, Margaret, we're not going
to have to eat by candlelight?

It's very romantic.

3-inch steaks, and we'll have to

fumble around in
the dark to find them.

Hi, kids.

Hi, Daddy. Hi, Dad. Hi, Father.

Why are you eating so early?

We're being stashed
away for the night.

Margaret, doesn't this
poor, unfortunate soul

know that the patter of little
feet accompanies marriage?

Tom Goodwin has
been an only child.

He doesn't understand what
it's like to be around children.

I want to show him that it's
not as bad as he thinks it is.

But I can't do it with Bud
clumping up and down the stairs

and Betty yakking on the phone

and Kathy dragging her
collection of Lumbricus terristris

through the living room.

She means worms, daddy.

I know what she means, and I
think this whole thing is ridiculous.

I'm not going to have my home
turned into a matrimonial bureau.

And furthermore...
Jim, it's all arranged.

Betty and Bud both
have other plans.

Kathy can go to the Davis'.

I can't! They're not home!

Well, then you can
go along with Bud.

What? You're only
going over to Joe's.

You can take Kathy with you.

Well, how can I put a radio
together with her around?

You can use her for a speaker.

I won't be in the way, Bud.

Jumpin' jeepers!

Bud, I said Kathy
is going with you.

You know, honey, you remind me

of a top sergeant I had once.

I wish you'd quit making

a friendly, social evening
for Tom and Louise

sound like a battle.

Believe me, Margaret,
there's nothing friendly

nor sociable about this.

This is war.

I'm sure glad I'm a bachelor.

I think I'll stay that way.

With women in the world
like your mother, Bud,

you haven't got a chance.

Gee.

You see, women have

a peculiar attitude
toward unattached males.

If a man wanders
around unmarried,

every women in the world
takes it as a personal insult.

They band together.

They form little groups.

They compare strategies.

Anything to get him out of the
happy state of bachelorhood.

I don't get it.

Well, you wait a
few years. You will.

You mean someone might
be setting a trap for me?

Even now, maybe?

You never can tell.

There's no age
limit in this game.

Well, if women go
to all this trouble,

I guess we're pretty important.

Of course we are.

We're just not smart enough.

Maybe Tom is.

Son. This poor guy
doesn't have a chance.

Every trick in the book is
being used on him tonight...

flickering candlelight...

flowers... 3-inch steaks.

Fire in the fireplace.

Fire in the fireplace?

On a night like this?

Weather has
nothing to do with it.

This is one of
their better tools.

First comes the invitation
to a home-cooked meal.

Then after dinner, with
romantic music in the background

and the soft light
of burning embers...

that's the moment, son,
when they move in for the kill.

You mark my words, Bud.

There'll be a fire in
that fireplace tonight.

Go down and bring in a
couple of logs, will you?

When is zero hour?

What on earth are
you talking about?

When is the enemy expected?

All right, have your
fun. But remember this...

Tom Goodwin is going
to propose to Louise...

tonight.

Don't you think it's a little
warm in here, Margaret?

Well, why don't you
take off your sweater?

Oh, no. I... I'm more
comfortable with it on.

What's wrong with the
sweater? I think it's pretty.

Jim?

Yes, sir.

I want you to hear a record

I picked out for tonight.

What about the storm
from William Tell?

This is something sentimental.

I know Tom will love it...

if he ever gets here.

♪♪

What is that, Margaret?

Oh, it's an old
favorite of mine.

Sounds vaguely familiar.

There he is!

Go and see, will you, Jim?

Really familiar.

Jim. Hmm?

Oh. Oh. Oh.

Just leave everything to me.

Oh, Hello.

You, uh, must be Tom.

You must be Jim.

Uh, come in. Come in.

♪♪

Oh, come in, Tom.

I'm so happy to meet you.

And you must be Margaret.

It's about time we
got to meet Louise's...

Tom!

Hello.

Hello, Louise.

Hope I'm not late.

Oh, no. You're early.

I mean late.

I mean, that is...

Thank you for the flowers.

Uh, you better
put them in water.

I... I picked them yesterday.

Sit down, Tom.

Oh, it's... awfully nice

of you people to
invited me to dinner.

Oh... Oh, it was Louise's idea.

She's the cook.

Oh?

Me?

Oh, Louise, weren't you
going to put the soufflé in?

Oh, yes!

Yes, I will!

Isn't she lovely, Tom?

Louise?

Yes.

Oh, sure. She's a great gal.

Uh, isn't that a...

new car you're driving, Tom?

Yeah. I just got
it six days ago.

Isn't she a beauty?

Tom. Hmm?

How long have you and Louise

known each other?

Oh, um... I don't know, exactly.

Uh, how many miles have
you put on it since you got it?

634 miles and 2/10.

Uh... I was just saying
to Jim this morning

that I think that Louise

has the most beautiful
blue eyes I've ever seen.

My car is blue!

Oh, I'll bet you chose blue

to match Louise's eyes.

No, I... I wanted green, but
blue was all they had in stock,

and I wanted it right away.

I guess I'm somewhat
the impulsive type.

Hate to wait for anything.

You do?

Now, you see, a station
wagon is perfect for me.

Oh! Oh, a station wagon.

Oh, you should have
a family to go with that.

Well, I... I meant
for fishing trips.

Go every year for
a couple of months.

Sometimes twice a
year. Fishing trips?

All by yourself?

Oh, we fellas, we get
together sometimes and...

Margaret, how long has it been

since I've gotten
away to go fishing?

Now, Jim, I've
always told you that...

Well, that you can go
alone anytime you wish.

Margaret, you know I'd never
go without you and the kids.

I want last year, Tom.
Took the whole family.

How was it?

What a trip.

The first day, the only thing

I pulled out of the
lake was Kathy,

our youngest daughter.

Jim, you know you
caught some fish, too.

Then Bud decided to get lost

in order to try out
some Boy Scout rules

on what to do
if lost in a forest.

It took us a whole
day to find him.

And Jim wanted to be careful

about catching poison oak.

Took me a week
to recover from it.

It sounds like quite a trip.

Oh, it...

It, uh... was.

Wonder where, uh,
Louise disappeared to?

Oh, she's probably
in the kitchen,

I've never seen a girl

who likes to cook
as Louise does.

Louise?

Just you wait until you taste

that soufflé she's made for you.

Margaret.

You forgot to tell me,

do I put the soufflé in the oven

or the refrigerator?

Uh... You'd better
light up, Tom.

It, uh, looks like
a long evening.

Margaret? Yes, Jim?

Oh, Just want to make
sure you were here.

Jim and I always
eat by candlelight.

We find it so romantic,
don't we, Jim?

Mmm-hmm.

Um, anyone seen the rolls?

I think that these
are the rolls.

Oh, yes, thanks.

I'm sorry the children couldn't
stay for dinner, Margaret.

Oh, they usually have other
plans when we have company.

Margaret.

They're so quiet,
and considerate,

sometimes I forget
we have children.

Jim.

I'm sorry.

Went down the wrong throat.

Mommy!

Hey, Dad!

In here, kids! Oh, no.

I told you it
wouldn't work, Mom.

Hey, where is everybody?

Hold up your hand,
Margaret, so he can find you.

Bud, what happened?

Kathy. She blew out all
the fuses at the Phillips'.

Oh, Kathy.

Looks like somebody
blew a fuse here.

Somebody's liable
to... any minute.

Couple of fine looking
youngsters, Margaret.

Tom... Um, well,
you haven't met them,

this is Bud and Kathleen.

Mr. Goodwin. Hello, Bud.

Hi, there.

Hello, Kathy.

Are you the one
that's going to get...

Kathy!

Uh, Bud, um...

why don't you take that stuff
down to the work room and...

And take Kathy with you.

Gee whiz, Mom.

How can I rig up a radio

with Knucklehead interfering?

I won't be in the way!

Go ahead, Bud.

Okay. Come on, Kathy.

All right.

I bet you're going
to get... Kathy!

You asked for it.

I'll talk to you later.

I don't know what she means,

but she's awfully cute.

Well, I know, and it isn't cute.

Why don't we take our coffee
and dessert in the living room?

We'll be more
comfortable in there.

Wonderful idea,
Margaret, I'll help.

Oh, no, no.

You and Tom go in and sit down.

Jim and I will take care of it.

Won't we, Jim?

Of course, dear.

Jim Anderson!

How can I help
promote this marriage

if you're not going to help?

The guy's perfectly
happy the way he is.

He only thinks he's happy.

Actually, he's an unhappy,

lonesome man who
should have a wife.

He's perfectly miserable.

Sure. Fishing trips,
new car every year...

he's miserable in
such a happy way.

Don't you like Louise?

Of course I do.

Of all your relatives,
I like her the best.

I just think in
a case like this,

that men should stick together.

Jim, wait a minute. What for?

I want to give them a few
minutes together... alone.

Margaret, they've had
five years to get together.

I know, but I have a
feeling about tonight.

So have I. I have a feeling

we should mind our own business.

Where are you going?

I forgot the cream.

Oh.

Well, what's happening?

They're sitting on
the sofa together,

very close together.

They are?

Where are you going?

You forgot the sugar.

Jim, you're just as
curious about this as I am.

Sure, I am.

I'm curious to see how
he gets out of this trap.

On the way over here,

I kept hearing
this strange noise.

Did you find out what it was?

I think I know.

I'm pretty sure it
must be the tappets.

That's too bad, Tom.

It's a new car, too.

What are they talking about?

Margaret, I'm ashamed of you.

What do you think I
am, an eavesdropper?

What are they talking about?

Tom. He's got a
knock in his tappets.

Tappets, valves.
You find them in a car.

Ugh.

Oh, they'll probably catch it

when I have the
1,000 mile check-up.

Well, how have you
two been getting along?

Oh, well... Oh, fine, Margaret.

How do you like yours,
Tom, cream and sugar?

Thanks.

Oh!

You take yours with
cream and sugar too,

don't you, Louise?

Yes. Yes, I do.

Oh, you two have
so much in common.

I'm surprised that you don't...

Men, I hate them, all of them!

That's your daughter?

Ah, yes.

Well, she seems very
upset about some...

Uh... Well, Betty
wants to be an actress.

She, uh...

She dramatizes
anything that happens.

You know these teenagers.

Oh.

Margaret... Uh, let's, uh,

let's have some music, shall we?

Jim and I always sit
in here after dinner,

and we listen to music.

We find it so
completely relaxing.

Testing, 1, 2, 3...

Kathy, leave that alone!

I'm not doing anything.

What in the world...

That's very interesting.

He's in the basement,

yet we can hear him up here.

Bud could be in Altoona,

and you could hear him.

I'll get it, I'll get it!

She certainly will.

Listen, Squirt... Ah, turn blue.

Guess Bud must
have his wires crossed.

Yes, right into my hi-fi system.

Testing 1, 2, 3... Hello?

Oh, it's you.

That's right, I never want
to speak to you again!

Never, never, never!

Go to bed, will you, small fry?

I don't have to!

Kathy...

I'm not doing
anything! Excuse me.

I'll, uh, I'll only be a minute.

You suppose this
goes on all the time?

I'm afraid so, Tom.

After all, they're
normal, healthy children.

Oh, what is it, dear?

What is it?

Ralph!

What did he do?

He hasn't asked me to
the dance for Friday night!

Ugh.

Oh, Betty.

Ralph isn't the
only boy in school.

You'll have other chances.

Now, dry your eyes
and come downstairs.

I think you owe Tom
and Louise an apology.

Now, I want you to come
upstairs and apologize.

We didn't know you
could hear us, Dad.

Was it real plain?

We could hear
every word you said.

Let's do it again!

Kathy.

Get it over with.

What do we have to do?

Just say you're sorry,
and then go to bed,

but clean up this mess first.

Okay.

Now, you mean you were angry

because Ralph didn't
ask you to the dance?

Yes.

Now, does he know
you want to go with him?

I should say not, I...

I wouldn't let him know that!

Why not?

Because it isn't
considered good strategy.

Hmm.

Women and their strategy.

Well, now, look.

Why can't you be honest?

Tell him you want
to go with him?

Well, a girl can't do that.

A girl has to pretend
she isn't interested,

until she's sure the
boy is interested.

Well, then when she's
sure the boy is interested,

then she has to be
more careful than ever

to show that she
isn't interested.

Well, yeah, I agree
with you up to a point,

but, uh, a man likes to feel
he's doing most of the chasing.

But there comes a time when
he gets tired, and all he wants

is to have the girl of his
dreams waiting for him

with a chair and slippers.

How long you been
going with this boy?

Oh, a long time.

All right.

The next time he calls,

you ask him if he plans
on taking you to the dance,

or should you go
with someone else?

It's as simple as that.

And if he hasn't made up
his mind, he'll have to then.

I'll do it!

And thank you for your advice.

You're welcome.

Good night. Good night, Betty.

Good night, Betty.

And good hunting.

All right, Kathy.

We have to say we're sorry.

We're sorry we
made so much noise.

Real sorry.

Don't worry about it.

We didn't know
you could hear us.

We're real, real sorry!

Well, that's all right.

Real, real, real, real... Kathy!

I've got to go to bed now, huh?

That's right, huh.

'Night, Mommy. Good night, dear.

'Night, Daddy.
Good night, Kitten.

'Night, Louise.
Good night, Kathy.

Say, how about me?

'Night Mr. Goodwin.

Good night, Kathy.

All right, Bud, say good night.

Uh, okay. Oh, say, Bud,

Let me have a look
at that radio, will you?

Well, sure, but it
doesn't work though.

Mm?

Tom knows a great deal

about this sort of thing, Bud.

He does?

I think your
trouble's right here.

These two wires
should go together.

We tried that at the Philips'.

Oh?

Well, then maybe it's
these two right here,

Look.

And that ought to do it.

Here, plug it in.

I'll try it.

That did it all right.

Bud, get a fuse.

Okay, Mom.

Hey, don't move, anybody.

It'll just take a second.

Ow!

Bud!

Yeah, Dad?

Where are you?

In the kitchen.

Hurry up, Bud.

Don't leave us in
the dark all night!

Okay, Dad, I think I've got it.

Bud, oh, here.

Yeah?

Try another fuse,
they're still off in here.

Ah.

Gee whiz, look.

I am.

The ice cream's all melted.

I'm not surprised.

We're going to be married!

You are?

She proposed to me!

I just asked him if he
intends to marry me,

or should I start looking
for someone else?

She did, too!

Congratulations, Tom!

Take it from someone who knows,

there's nothing like marriage.

When are you
going to be married?

Right away. Well, that is...

Jim, how about having
the wedding here?

Why not?

Oh, we'd love to!

Oh, but I... How
about next Saturday?

All right, Tom?

Well, sure. That'll
work out fine.

Friday, I can go in for
my 1,000 mile check-up.

Oh, it's going to be
a wonderful wedding!

Well, Kathy.

I couldn't sleep.

You were all making
so much noise.

You know, I always thought

being married
would be pretty dull.

But after spending an
evening in this house,

I've changed my mind.

You mean, you like it like this?

With noise and kids
all over the place?

Yeah.

I'm only sorry

Louise didn't propose
to me five years ago.

Real, real, real, real sorry.

You see, Margaret.

If you'll just let
nature take its course,

everything works out all right.

How do you mean, dear?

Well, if you and
Louise had your way,

you would have tricked
poor Tom into marriage.

You and I have done
all right, haven't we?

Well, naturally, but there was no
trickery involved in our marriage.

You remember what happened
the night you proposed?

Of course I do.

You invited me
over for dinner...

You know, I did get

the steak and candlelight
treatment, didn't I?

Wait a minute! The phonograph...

That record you played tonight.

You played it that night too!

No wonder it sounded familiar.

That's why I played it tonight.

Oh, purely sentimental reasons.

Of all the cold-blooded,
conniving...

I'm getting to the point where I
don't even like women anymore.

You're not supposed to, dear.

Just me.

You're right, Margaret.

Just you.

Closed-Captioned By J.R.
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